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After Harry Potter and his friends graduated one could say Hogwarts had become a peaceful place where young witches and wizards studied the art of magic once again. But in the end, it was still a school where they taught magic of all things, so it was actually rather rare for things to be normal. Having a bunch of teens in the same area for almost a whole year was bound to bring some interesting situations. Because let’s face it; students would rather do anything else than studying.
At a sunny afternoon in October a very angry prefect stormed through the corridors to the Great Hall. He clutched a crooked copy of what looked like a cheaply made magazine in his hand, mumbling angrily to himself. As he passed some students they all turned away from him and giggled, like it was all some funny joke. So very funny.
Daichi Sawamura, prefect and captain from the Gryffindor Quidditch team, was not amused. In fact he was pretty damn far from anything like amused, more like 100% done. He wouldn’t have been surprised if steam came from his ears by now, like in his third year when Tanaka decided to test some jinx on him. But even that was funnier than what he had to deal with now.
He burst through the doors of the Great Hall, skipping the Gryffindor table and heading for the Slytherin one. He spotted Suga sitting there reading calmly, and he dropped down on the bench beside him. Daichi didn’t say anything, just breathed angrily though his nose while glaring at the wall.
Suga looked up from his book, and saw his friend being visibly pissed off. He raised an eyebrow.
“What happened, Daichi? If you found out about Noya almost setting the broom shed on fire again, he asked me to tell you it actually was an accident this time and he is very sorry.”
“He did WHAT?” Daichi snapped, coming out of his sulking stupor. “Are you kidding me? That is the second time this year and the year isn’t even 3 damn months old! If my broom is damaged then I swear to god-“
“Daichi calm down,” Suga chuckled and patted his arm. “No brooms were harmed and it really was an accident. But if it isn’t that, why are you angry this time?”
“What do you mean ‘this time’?” Daichi huffed. “As for why I am angry…” he trew the magazine on the table. “-THIS is why! Suga look at it you can’t possibly believe this can you?”
On the table laid a cheaply made magazine, the lay-out obviously done by amators and the colors vibrant and flashing.
“WOGFARTS WEEKLY” it read.
“THE MIGHT-BE-ILLEGAL SCHOOL NEWSPAPER FROM STUDENTS FOR STUDENTS”.
Now that might have not been so bad, if it wasn’t for the contents. The front page consisted of this week’s main issue, and it was said issue Daichi happened to have issues with. A picture of his own face greeted him on the cover. It was obviously taken without him noticing because he did not look into the camera and he would have remembered someone taking his picture. Then the headline, the main fricking headline.
“THE QUIDDITCH CAPTAIN; KNOCKING ON WOOD”
“Oh dear,” Suga said with raised eyebrows. “Is the article inside?”
“Yes!” Daichi opened the magazine with more force than necessary. “There! On page three! Read it Suga, this is incredible. I did not sign up for this, what did I do to deserve this??”
Pages 3 and 4 were taken up by an article about the last Quidditch match; Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw. Gryffindor had ended up being victorious, but it certainly had been an *ahem* eventful match, certainly for Daichi. And unfortunately for him, it seemed someone had mercilessly exploited that fact and decided to make an article and not to mention a fucking meme about it.
Gryffindor’s Quiditch Captain; Knock on Wood!
‘Wood’ jokes have always been present in our beautiful sport Quidditch. Like a few years back it happened that we had a captain whose surname happened to be Wood, and we would have been very disappointed if no one used that to give birth to some juicy puns.
Now our current Gryffindor captain and prefect Daichi Sawamura, might be the next victim after his unfortunate encounter in the last Quidditch match. Now we all probably know what happened, as the whole school was present at the latest Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw match. In the end the red team came out victorious at an end score of 210 – 120, making Gryffindor taking the lead for the annual cup.
But we all know what they say, victory comes with a prize. A few minutes before the Gryffindor Seeker Hinata Shouyo caught the Snitch, one of Ravenclaw’s Beaters managed to hit a Bludger in Sawamura’s direction, hitting his broom and causing it to malfunction slightly. Fortunately it was not as bad as it sounds, the broom merely stopped working for a few seconds and dropped a few feet. But the case would be that Sawamura was carrying the Quaffle at the moment, and had no grip on his broom, thus a few moments later than the broom itself, he fell with it.
Making a long story short, wood connected with wood. Close bystanders said to have heard a high pitched squeak in the captain’s direction, but it might as well have been the wind.
“It seemed like a very hard time for our captain.” – Said a Gryffindor Player who choose to remain anonymous.
“He made a really weird face, like he had to poop or something.” – Another anonymous Gryffindor player.
But in the end this ‘sticky’ situation brought the victory to Gryffindor, as everyone was distracted for a moment and the seeker saw his chance to capture the Snitch, ending the match.
So in the end, no matter how hard it seemed, the Lions still managed to secure a win, even though at the cost of Sawamura’s lions.
“LOOK AT IT!” Daichi pointed violently at the paper. “HOW THE HELL IS THIS FUNNY? THIS IS PROBABLY WRITTEN BY SOME SORE RAVENCLAW DECIDING IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO PROFIT FROM MY PAIN!”
“Yes it seems a little bit rash, but I’m sure they didn’t mean anything with it,” Suga said soothingly.
“I AM SURE THEY DID. SEE IT WILL BECOME SOME STUPID ‘MEME’ LIKE THE MUGGLEBORNS CALL IT, WATCH AND SEE.”
“Daichi hush, the teachers are staring. It is mostly harmless, I’m sure!”
“Okay okay,” Daichi lowered his voice. “But look at this. Look. Some of my own damn team were in the complot. ‘It seemed like a very hard time’. I’ll SHOW them a hard them when I get my hands on them. And not even one, no, TWO of them. Incredible. You have no idea who did it, right??”
“Mmm, no ‘m afraid not.” Suga smiled as he patted Daichi’s arm. “But you are right, who would write something like that.”
“Exactly!! This is GRYFFINDOR, for Merlin’s sake, the BRAVE House! And it’s fucking anonymous. Really? WhAT IS THIS FOR A COWARDLY SLYTHERIN BULLSHIT- no offence Suga- I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS. I WILL FIND THEM, I WILL, AND WHEN I DO-“
Suga watched his friend’s antics with amusement, although he did feel bad. A little. But he didn’t lie when he said it was mostly harmless. However he was concerned about the increasing volume of Daichi’s voice, which could attract a teacher and lead to the discovery of the magazine. And it technically was illegal so he’d rather avoid having it found out, it was too much fun.
Fortunately Daichi got interrupted by Kuroo, a fellow Slytherin of Suga’s, who got curious and came over.
“Oi Sawamura, what are you so worked up about?”
“He found the Wogfarts Weekly article,” Suga answered him.
“Ohoho,” Kuroo grinned and snatched the magazine away from under Daichi’s nose. “The lions won at the cost of Sawamura’s lions,” he read aloud, and began to chuckle. Which changed into full out laughter. “HOLY SHIT THIS IS GLORIOUS. I didn’t get my hands on this week’s issue yet, thanks man!”
Daichi’s ears were red as he opened his mouth to undoubtedly chew Kuroo out, but Suga stopped him. “Leave it be, Daichi. That’s not the only copy. And besides, wouldn’t it be better to just ‘catch’ the one who wrote it?”
“Alright alright if you say so! But that doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it! And damn straight I will catch the one who did it! And- HEY KUROO COME BACK!”
Meanwhile Kuroo had read the entire article, and nearly died laughing. “HEY BRO!” he yelled and ran to the Hufflepuff table. “BRO! Brokuto you HAVE to read this holy shit!”
Daichi let out a defeated groan and banged his head on the table, staying that way. Suga gently patted his shoulder again, a slightly guilty smile on his lips.
“You okay, Dai?”
“I’m on the verge of committing homicide and am currently very done.” Came the slightly muffled reply.
Suga ruffled his hair as a sign of support and a sort of apology as he watched Kuroo and Bokuto losing their shit at the Hufflepuff table, quickly joined by other students. He was sorry to see it happening at his friend’s expense, but he was not the first to have been made into a meme, and certainly wouldn’t be the last. After all, those sold the best. And as a Slytherin and the brain after the Wogfarts Weekly operation, Suga thought he had an few interesting few months coming up with Daichi trying to catch the one responsible for the article. Very interesting indeed.