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It was the morning of February 14th, and Frank had woken up to a damp shower smell along with deodorant, knowing Colin was awake before he even opened his eyes. It was somewhat unusual for Frank to wake up after Colin as they shared the same alarm, but if Frank was being perfectly honest with himself he didn’t quite want this day to happen. With his childhood teddy fallen next to him and limbs spewed across his bed alike his quilt, Frank lifted himself up into a sitting position and groggily wiped his eyes, finally opening them. Looking around, Colin’s bed was somewhat messily put together yet he nowhere to be seen. The room was somewhat chaotically tidy, in front of him was the closet behind his guitar, open with different coloured blazers hanging. Frank inherently reached for his hat, stood up and noticed from the uncomfortable feeling that his sock was half off. He lifted up his leg to pull up his sock, but a split second after he lost his balance and instantly fell back on his bed—hitting his head on the wall in the process.
Colin heard the noise and finally walked in, fully dressed with visible agitation on his face. “C’mon Frank! Have you not checked the date? Hurry up and get ready, this year I’ll be lucky!” Colin put his hands in his pockets and did his signature head bop as he said his point, and stomped out of the room. Frank sighed slightly, remembering the plan Col came up with last night. He wanted to go out and find a girl to be his valentine because he didn’t want to be ‘lonely’. Frank didn’t understand this because he was always home so Col was never actually lonely, but agreed anyway. It doubled as a distraction of his own feelings towards his best friend, anyway. Leaving his train of thought, Frank turned to face his bed and kneeled down, picking up a heart shaped lollipop from under his bed that he was contemplating giving Col for two years now. He was sure this year would be as usual and he’d be putting it back under the bed, but he still had hope deep down. He knew Col didn’t like him the same way. He knew Colin didn’t feel the same stomach churn he received on the sight of him. He knew Col didn’t love him as he did. He stared at the probably-out-of-date sweet for a while, then put his jacket on his bed along with the lollipop on top to prevent any production of tears if he continued to stand there and space out.
Colin was leant against the wall next to the front door, and checked his watch on his wrist waiting for his roommate to come out of their shared room. He sighed and fixated his eyes on a cup upon the table in front of him, slowly spacing out into his thoughts. If he was being truly honest with himself, he didn’t have the energy to go out and try to find a date. He’d much rather stay at home and watch movies with Frank all day, maybe snack on his favourite chocolate while leaving none for his friend and even maybe end up cuddling… no. No no no. That was a terrible thought, and he instantly furrowed his eyebrows as he mentally threw it out. He hated when thoughts adjacent to that would try to scramble its way into his brain, he refused to let himself even consider the possibility that the way his face warmed, the way adrenaline coursed through him, the way his mind wandered meant he had any sort of feelings for his roommate.
He didn’t want those feelings. It felt wrong, sickening even. It felt only right that he should have a girlfriend, he felt like he must fit in, he felt he should never ever show any sort of weakness to anyone or anything, not even himself. Especially not Frank. He felt like a role model, and he didn’t want Frank to get hurt, even though Colin’s morals are somewhat different to Frank. He wanted to protect him. He was afraid of his own emotions, especially confrontation. He’d do anything to avoid it, and if he was put into a situation of sorts, he’d subconsciously do anything to wiggle himself out of it. Of course nobody made him believe the things he did in his head, but over the course of his life it just felt like a must. Going out today was almost like he was trying to prove his own morals to himself. That he wasn’t in denial. Frank finally walked out into the front room, and Colin looked upwards as their eyes latched onto each other. Colin got up from leaning. “Took you long enough, you stupid little skinny man!” “Sorry Col, I’m just a bit tired.” “It’s fine, let’s go. We’ll eat at a Café.”
——
Colin pushed open the Café door that triggered the door bell with Frank soon following, the pair both sitting down at an empty table. The Café was decent and cosy, although it had an average, worn charm to it. Some surfaces were a little oily and the place seemed a little outdated, but Col and Frank liked to go down frequently together. It was a comforting reminder of the past when they just became friends in school and would use it as a little hangout spot (especially to look at women, however that was a rare occurrence that any would come now. It had been a few years). Frank started to read the breakfast menu as Colin began to search the room with his eyes for a woman by herself.
“Hey Col, d’you want anything? I’m gonna have toast and a cup of tea I think!” Col rolled his eyes and started to rest his head on his hand, looking at Frank. “You’re distracting me fuckwit.” Before Frank could come up with a response, a female caterer appeared at the table, a notepad and pen in hand. “Can I get you boys anything?” Before Colin could speak and attempt to say something flirtatious, Frank instantly answered with his order, innocently smiling and thanking her. Col clenched his fists and gave his friend a harsh stare. “Sir? Would you like anything?” Snapped out of his trance, he shook his head and started to continue his search as the caterer walked off. “You can’t just but in like that! You know the plan!” Colin frustratingly whispered, but as Frank replied he was already disengaged upon seeing a woman alone across the room.
She seemed gorgeous to Colin. She had brown shoulder length hair, eyes.. which was good, slightly loose clothing- oh, and a pink bucket hat on. “Col? Are you listening? Look, I thought-“ “did it hurt?” Frank furrowed his eyebrows, unable to make sense of the question. “What? Of course it didn’t- why would-“ Colin told Frank to shut up as he stood up, straightening his clearly oversized blazer and walking towards a table near the windows in a confident manner. His friend slowly followed, hesitantly examining the situation and how it would play out. He’d usually jump straight in, but admittedly upon seeing the girl’s hat he was a little taken aback. Was Col doing this as a joke? Was he serious? He wasn’t bothered about the fact they were going out to find women, but the way he felt they shared similar traits felt like he had all of the air collected in his lungs punched out in one go, as if he was betrayed. Frank knew they weren’t dating, but with living together for over nine years he struggled to keep the lines unblurred a lot. Col wasn’t betraying him because they weren’t together, and he knew that, but that didn’t stop it from hurting a little.
“Hello, uhm. What’s your name?” Col asked the woman, putting on an obviously deep voice, along with leaning to put his hand on the table facing her. She giggled as she could tell this, and smiled at him as she finished the last bites of her cooled down breakfast, wiping her mouth in the process. “Oh, my name is Serena. You can sit down if you like, the pair of you! I have nobody else coming.” Colin instantly sat down next to her while simultaneously squinting his eyes at Frank as he sat on the other side facing the pair. “We have similar hats!” The girl said, pointing to her head. Frank awkwardly offered an awkward flash of a smile to who he now knows as Serena, unsure what Col’s reaction would be if he tried to respond. “Ahem, so, Sony- Serena.” Col paused as he turned his body to face her, head on hand as he rested his arm on the table with a smirk. “Are you busy tonight? Got anything going on, y’know?” She shook her head. “No, not today. Anyways, what’s your name?” Col’s eyes widened as he realised he completely forgot to introduce himself and sat up straight again. The interruption completely threw Colin off of his mental script, and he suddenly grew stiff in posture.
Frank couldn’t help but gaze out of the window, subconsciously looking miserable, with eyes half lidded and a slight frown as he hunched over with his hands on his knees as he waited for the pair to finish speaking. “Well I’m Col, and this is my friend, Frank. If you’re doing nothing, why not come back to our place to chill?” Frank shot up. “But-“ Colin instantly gave Frank a sharp stare, clearly signalling for him to be quiet. “Uhm.. as long as you have something to watch! Better than sitting around all day I guess.” As the girl and Col made small talk, (Colin was confident he was leading it, however it was very apparent to Serena he was horribly bad at it and overly awkward) Frank stood up and went to the counter to get his breakfast to-go instead.
It had been about half an hour of awkward talking, and they had decided to leave by that point, giving Frank a chance to eat in that timeframe. As they walked through the door, Frank's pocket caught on the door handle which led him to be pulled back and fall down, his hat falling out and the contents of his pocket jumping out. Including the lollipop. Colin paid no attention and continued to walk to the car, although Serena felt it rude not to help and turned around. She bent slightly over, getting ready to lend a hand as she noticed something. “Hey, are you oka-“ Frank was fixing his hat on his head at that point, and they both locked eyes as she saw the heart shaped lollipop on the floor. The man’s eyes were widened with his eyebrows unsure to signal panic or sadness. There was silence for a one or two seconds, but to Frank it felt like an eternity. Did she know who it was for? Did she think it was for her? Did she figure out the situation by a glance? Did she unravel Frank’s feelings, just from the sight? He felt there was not enough time to consider the possibilities, so he swiftly snatched it back up off of the floor, shoved it into his pocket and shot up from the ground. “A- Im okay—seriously- thank you.” And he rushed off to the car.
——
The day had slowly started to dim and they had been back a while now, with Colin already having diminished the supply of various chocolates that he forced Frank to lock up before valentines day so he didn’t eat them. In fact Colin had already eaten most, with few to spare and with the other two only having one or two chocolates. Serena was more into sweets anyway. Video tapes were littered in a half-arsed pile next to their small TV, evidently being scrambled through to pick one. All three sat on the couch, Frank on the far right with his legs up, Serena stiffly in the middle struggling for space, and Colin attempting to close the minuscule space between her on the right. They were watching some shitty, low budget cheesy romantic film from Frank’s video collection, that nobody was really interested in except for Frank. Colin grew restless after finishing his favourite snack.
Colin was itching to ask the girl the big question, if she’d be his valentine. This was his chance to prove to himself he doesn’t want nor need Frank. All he had to do was ask, but he couldn’t help but feel his throat tighten when he looked her way. It felt like somebody was doing this to him on purpose. “I uh- I’m just getting a drink alright?” He mentioned, ending his explanation for going to the kitchen with a weak laugh. His response was two nods, and so he headed towards his destination. Perhaps if he had a glass of water he would be able to ask the question he was working towards all day. He let out a large sigh as he opened the cupboard, escaping into his own thoughts to recalibrate. He moved around his glass which light reflected on, showing all the different possibilities of refractions and colours the container could offer, trying to find his favorite combination of lights from the nearest source that beamed through the curved glass. He knew the faint nervous feeling he was experiencing was over the girl in his lounge room, it was an extremely rare occurrence for the pair to have somebody of the opposite sex in the flat, but evidently in the back of his head he knew this would cut off all possibility with Frank. This is what he wanted right? Right? He thought it should be. It was like preventing an angle of shades and colours that could be observed on the glass. He decided to close his enigma of thoughts to not cause worry about the time he had been gone, and took a large gulp of water.
Frank and Serena were sat next to each other on the Sofa, looking at each other awkwardly while the other didn’t, until finally exchanging glances as they looked at each other at the right moment. Frank quickly faced his head back towards the screen. “Frank… about earlier. I—“ the man quickly interrupted, pointing his arms out to express himself as he tried to explain. “Look I— that wasn’t— I just found it, really! See I—“ The girl stopped his poor, sloppy explanation by placing her hand softly on his shoulder. “Please don’t feel offended, but I just have a feeling. That’s for Col, isn’t it?” Frank's eyes widened as he felt his head heat up. He thought she thought it was for her. Was he that obvious? “No! Why would you— I mean—“ he filled up his poor attempts with awkward laughs. “Frank, you don’t have to lie. If you want to ask him to be your valentine, go for it! I have an inkling he’d return the feelings anyway. I think that lollipop would be a lovely gesture too.” Frank sighed and slumped his body. If she thought it, it must be a possibility, but at the same time she doesn’t know Col like he does. He felt tears start to well up in his eyes from the overwhelming conflicting emotions, but Colin walked back in after his drink.
As he sat down he attempted to smoothly yet painfully obviously place his arm on the back of the couch in a way his arm would be above and almost Serena’s shoulders. “Soo, heh, have I missed anything?” The girl grew stiff. “No, not really. Could you move your arm please? I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable with how close you’re being with me.” Colin shifted back into the way he sat before he left for water, however this time he faced her more as he paused the video. “Look, Serena. Will..” he gulped as he was looking at her as she was with him, expecting a question. “Will you be my valentine? You’re really nice, and—“ “This may sound typical Col, you’re a nice man, but I really do not like you like that. Besides, I don’t like men like that. I’m sorry.” She frowned.
Frank's eyes darkened as he looked off to the side away from the situation, and Colin didn’t feel his heart break as the previous times he had asked girls. He wanted to make this work somehow. “I don’t understand, then why would you hang out with us? On this day? Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyebrows started to furrow. He felt a little entitled, he spent his day on her for this. “Honestly, I thought you liked Frank. I assumed since you guys live together there was something going on, and I’m sorry to you for not making that clear. I hope it’s okay if I leave now.” She stood up and grabbed her bag and her hat, and started to slowly walk to the door as she flashed a bittersweet smile. “No, please! Serena, we can make this work— I—“ Colin repeated sentences of the sort as he and Serena worked their way towards the door, going back and forth as she tried to offer kind refusals every time. Frank couldn’t hold back the salty water built up in his eyes. He felt defeated. All he could do was drop his head in his hands, silently releasing tears from his eyes.
Serena finally made her way towards the door, and waved to Frank as Colin still tried to coax her into staying, although Frank couldn’t see. She offered a goodbye to them both along with a slight frown as she shut the door. Colin placed his forehead on the front door, sighing in defeat. He was pissed as he stood there for a minute. He turned his head to the right while still leaning, finally seeing Frank still in the same position yet shaking. It annoyed him. He finally stood up right, slowly walking towards his friend. “Look, I don’t know why you’re stressed when you knew it was me who was going after her today, that was the whole plan!” Frank stood up and swiftly turned to face the man. Colin noticed the tears stained on Frank’s face along with how red his eyes were. It was the first time tonight he felt his heart truly hurt. Frank was visibly shaking and fidgeting with his hands, unsure to look at them or Col. “It— it wasn’t that Col.” Colin would usually be frustrated, but whenever he saw Frank upset it would immediately simmer him down and push him into a listening mode. This time he wore a face of confusion.
“Then what is it?” Frank slowly and shakily reached for his pocket, taking out the heart shaped pink lollipop as he met his eyes with it and choked on any word he could even begin to consider speaking. He locked eyes with his best friend as said best friend hesitantly stepped closer. He unlinked his hands as they fell to his side, barely holding on to the sweet. He just wanted to run off into his bed and sob. “…I know you don’t like me like that Col, and it wouldn’t work, but I love you, Col. Not as a friend. I— I’ve had this lollipop for two years. I wanted to tell you for two years.” He laughed sadly, offering a bittersweet smile towards Colin as the man himself stood there with his eyes wide, starting to tear up himself. He was at a loss for words. “And if..” he gulped. “And if this ends our friendship, I understand. But I couldn’t just.. lie anymore, Col. I can’t take any more of the butterflies, the dizziness, all of that sort anymore. I love you.”
A couple of tears slowly escaped once more as he looked down towards the lollipop. Colin was truly stunned. How does he respond to that? This was the first ever time he had been confessed to, and he didn’t expect it to be like this. He wasn’t sure how to gather his thoughts. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what his thoughts were. He didn’t know how to respond right without ruining things. He now realised he saw everything wrong. He now realised, in the oddest way to explain, that Frank was his favourite angle of light on a glass cup. Most sense of denial washed away. He let out a light sigh and walked the same pace to Frank as he usually would to grab him and shout, which is what Frank evidently anticipated from a flinch. Not this time.
Colin put his hand on the same hand Frank was holding the lollipop and held it as he put his other hand on Frank's cheek, locking eyes with his heart feeling like it was about to explode for just a second. They could see each other's pain in the other's eyes. They could see the emotion, the tears, everything. Colin pulled Frank’s face towards him, and collided his lips with his as they both closed their eyes. Colin hastily took the sweet and shoved it into his blazer pocket, going back to intertwine his fingers with Franks. The meant-to-be-one kiss developed into desperately making out. Frank moved his hand onto Col’s head and lower back, slowly shifting the hand on his back onto his hip, pulling him closer until there was no gap, which caused Col to hitch in his breathing. Both men’s hands were traversing around the other’s bodies as they melted into the other, while they desperately, full of want and need, pressed lips together.
Frank suddenly grew in confidence from the response of closing the gap, and slowly moved the two towards the couch, not wanting this to end. This surely had to mean Col returned his feelings? Colin struggled to think about anything unlike his friend, as the growing pleasure he felt from his friend’s simple touch was too much to bear. As they sat on the couch, as much as he didn’t want to, Colin pulled away. The pair finally opened their eyes as Col hastily went to cover himself, Frank giggling. “What are you giggling at?” “Oh nothing, your hairs just a mess.” Colin let out a sigh of relief as he looked towards the TV. Frank pulled him into a long hug, in which Col told him he felt the same. Frank immaturely lifted his arms into a sort of victory pose, exclaiming a “yes!!” Which made his now boyfriend roll his eyes. “Can we just watch a movie, and a good one this time?” “I thought that one was good?” Col furrowed his eyebrows. “Good, that was shit!” “Whatever..” Frank went towards the pile of videos like earlier, and put on one he knew Colin enjoyed, and sat back with his partner. “I.. love you, Frank.” Frank's eyes widened. He knew he struggled to express that, and in this context he was baffled. He smiled in delight although as he leant his head on Colin’s shoulder. “I love you too.”