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Air flooded his lungs for what felt like the first time ever–a babe wailing as it took its first breath of life. Although, there was a difference, he was no babe. In his thirty years of life, Anthony never really learned to breathe.
That is until the love of his life, the bane of his existence, the object of every single one of his desires crashed her lips onto his, searing their mouths, melding their hearts, sharing her breath with him. That was when he learned what it was like to really, truly, deeply, breathe.
Kate’s hands caressed him as they kissed fervently. Blessing him with the virtue of life, allowing him to experience how it feels to be truly alive. A goddess, a vision in lilac, standing at the altar, granting him the benediction of life.
Yes, a goddess, for a beholder of such beauty could be nothing but. Her eyes were his light, her lips were his salvation, her arms wrapped around him his eternal providence.
He vowed there at that church, a covenant from him to her, that he would pray, worship, nurture, and be devout to the altar that was her heart–no, the altar that was her .
Should he ever pain this woman, this bewitching deity who stood before him, he would damn himself a thousand times over. For who could ever betray divinity and live unbroken?
But just as quickly as she had given him breath, she began to take it away. Her hands, so soft and certain a moment ago, began to tremble as they pushed at his chest. Her lips, swollen and warm from his, parted not with longing, but with words that froze him where he stood.
“Anthony, we have to stop.” Her voice, low and fractured, was a blade slicing through his reverie.
He opened his eyes, his heart hammering against his ribs, his hands still cradling her face. “No,” he rasped, the word torn from him like a plea to the heavens. “Don’t ask me to stop loving you, for I cannot stop that no matter how hard I try. That is why we’re here in the first place.”
Her gaze, dark and unyielding, bore into him, and he thought he might shatter under the weight of it. “We cannot do this,” she said, her words trembling even as her tone fought to remain firm. “We cannot be this.”
“This?” he echoed, his voice sharp and ragged, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. “This is everything. You are everything. How can you ask me to turn my back on the only thing, the only person that has ever made me feel alive?”
Kate pulled away, the loss of her touch a physical ache that left him hollow. Her arms wrapped around herself as if trying to shield herself from his words—from him. “Because it will destroy us. And our responsibilities to our family would not allow the destruction of a viscount. Not after what has already happened today. I will destroy you and your family as I’ve already done for mine.” she whispered, her tears shimmering in the dim light like fractured stars.
He stepped toward her, the space between them an abyss he couldn’t bear. “Destroy me, then,” he said, his voice fierce and low, like a prayer said in defiance of the gods. “I do not care of duty anymore. Let it destroy me, Kate. Let it rip me apart, burn me to ash. I would welcome it. Do you hear me? I have and would welcome any ruin if it meant loving you.”
Her lips parted, her breath hitching, but she shook her head, stepping back, widening the chasm between them. “You don’t mean that, my lord,” she said, her voice breaking. “You think you do, but—”
“I think?” His voice cracked, his hands clenched at his sides as though trying to tether himself to the earth. “If there is one truth in this world, one thing I know with absolute certainty, it is that I was mended, made to love you, to worship you.”
Her shoulders shook, her tears falling silently as she turned her face away. But he couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t.
“Look at me, Kate,” he demanded, his voice soft yet unrelenting. “Please. Look at me. Give me the blessing of gazing upon your beautiful eyes.”
Slowly, reluctantly, her gaze met his, and what he saw there undid him. Pain. Longing. Fear. Love. It was all there, a mirror of his own fractured soul. The burden of the eldests.
“I was fine before you,” he said, his voice softening, his words steady now as though laying bare his heart. “I was fine living a life of duty, of control. A lifeless, emotionless life, filled with nothing but responsibility. But then you came, and you wrecked me. You wrecked everything I thought I knew. Every plan, every promise I made to myself—to never feel, to never love—shattered the moment I saw you riding in that park. I felt it for a long time after, at every walk, every time we’ve been together, and every time we’ve been apart, but I haven’t accepted it till today.”
Her breath hitched, her hand lifting slightly as though to reach for him, but she stopped herself, her hand falling back to her side.
“And now,” he continued, his voice trembling with the force of his emotions, “now I know what it is to need someone. To ache for them in every moment, in every breath. You have ruined me, Kathani Sharma. Ruined me for anything else, anyone else. And I would rather spend a lifetime broken by you than live one day without you.”
Her tears fell faster now, her hands trembling as she finally let herself reach for him. Her fingers brushed his, tentative and unsure, and he caught her hand in his, holding it tightly as if anchoring them both.
“You are impossible,” she whispered, her voice trembling with anguish and something softer, something almost like surrender.
“And I am yours,” he whispered back, his voice unshakable. “Whether you admit it or not, whether the world allows it or not, you have given me benediction, salvation.”
Her lips quivered, and for one agonizing moment, he thought she might pull away again. But then she surged forward, her arms wrapping around him, her face burying in his chest as a sob broke free.
Anthony held her tightly, his own tears falling into her hair as he pressed his lips to the crown of her head. “I love you Kathani Sharma, I will always love you,” he murmured, his voice breaking. “Through the fire, through the wreckage. I will love you until there is nothing left of me.”
“I love you too,” Kate whispered as she cried.