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Pearl hates Gem.
She hates her soft face, and her long hair, and her bright eyes. She hates her gorgeous cottage and her vibrant garden and every carefully placed stone on the pathway that leads to her doorstep.
She hates her kind voice, and her wild laugh, and the way that when she talks to you, she leans in like she’s going to tell you a secret.
She hates how nice she is, and she also hates when she’s mean, she hates when she’s happy, and she hates when she’s sad.
She hates how she sees her everywhere, and even when she’s not there, she hates the way that she thinks about her all the time.
So it’s safe to say that Pearl well and truly despises Gem. She does. Trust her on this one.
So, why does she keep a picture of her in her pocket?
The picture is worn and creased, folded and refolded again and again and again. It has a stain on the top right corner where Pearl had once smeared a coal-stained finger.
She’d been much more careful after that.
The picture has captured Gem mid-laugh. She lies on her side in the grass, close and intimate with cherry blossoms stuck all through her wild hair. Her eyes are closed, hiding their beauty, but her mouth is open and her lips curl into a radiant smile.
She looks happy. She looks gorgeous. She looks completely perfect and entirely unattainable.
Pearl had taken the picture. Once. It feels like a long time ago.
It had been Secret Life. Late game, the time when supposedly all hope was lost. If Gem had her eyes open, Pearl knows the irises would flash red.
Which was fine, Pearl was red too. She was happy, they were happy. It had always been where Pearl had felt most comfortable anyway. Just on the brink of madness, wild enough to feel free.
Gem’s home had lasted a while, longer than many of the others at least, and she had taken Pearl there on the back of a camel. Just when they knew it was going to be over. The flowers had been pink and the grass had been green and they had both been full to bursting with the colour of it all.
Gem had lain on the ground first, rolling herself around in the leaves and the petals.
Pearl had looked at her like she was crazy. It was only to hide how much she wanted to look at her like she was in love.
Gem reached a hand out to her, and Pearl, like an idiot, had taken it. She was dragged to the ground in an instant, landing with her hand in Gem’s and a cry on her lips.
Gem had laughed harder than she had ever seen. Her hand was warm, her breath was sweet, and she looked like the brightest thing in the universe.
Pearl wanted to crawl inside her chest and live there. She wanted to rip out her own heart if only to place it beside Gem’s own. She wanted this to be it, this to be the end.
She had settled for using her free hand to take out her camera.
Pearl had taken the picture, and afterwards Gem had kissed her like she too was perfect. In that moment, Pearl had thought that she would be happy forever, whatever happened, she would be happy.
She had been wrong, of course. But she had thought it, and that was important.
The door to the tower opens, and Pearl is wrenched abruptly from her thoughts as she stuffs the picture back in her pocket.
She hears the end tail of Scott’s farewell to someone else as he enters the room, stopping short when he sees her.
She’s just standing there in the middle of the room, hands by her side. Looking as guilty as she can possibly manage.
“Pearl?” Scott asks.
“Scott!” She says, doing her best impression of a smile. “I was just heading out.”
She takes three long strides towards the exit, and for a moment it seems like she’ll make it before an arm falls across her path.
Scott looks at her, eyebrows raised. “Are you ok?” He asks, more curious than worried.
She suspects that the effort it takes to keep herself from shoving him aside may be leeching the sincerity from her expression. “I’m perfectly fine. I need to go.”
He moves closer to her, face growing more serious, “I don’t think you are. Look, if we could just-“
Pearl grabs his arm, moving it forcibly out of the way and grabbing the doorknob. “Bye, Scott.”
The door slams shut behind her, and it’s too thick for her to hear the man’s sigh, but she imagines it anyway.
***
Altogether, Pearl sees Gem much too often for it to be an accident.
Maybe it’s her imagination, maybe it’s her own subconscious leading her towards the woman’s base, maybe Gem is a master manipulator with an evil plan reliant entirely upon unnerving Pearl with their proximity.
All said, it is more of an inevitability than a surprise when she runs into Gem in the forest.
Her hair is piled on top of her hair in a messy updo, strands falling out around her face and the base of her neck. Her clothes are worn and dirty, and her knees are scraped raw. As Pearl watches, a bead of sweat runs down her forehead before the woman wipes it away with the back of her hand.
She looks gorgeous, obviously.
Gem crosses her arms, “Fancy seeing you here.”
Pearl smiles, and she hates that it’s entirely genuine. “Happy to see me?”
“Not in the slightest.” The words don’t sting anymore.
Pearl sighs, stepping closer, almost too close. Gem doesn’t move. “How much do you hate me today?” She asks.
Gem stops, eyes surveying the canopy over them in a mockery of thought, “Oh, today, Pearl? Probably a ten.”
Pearl frowns, it’s an act, she thinks it is anyway, “You always say that.”
Gem smiles for the first time, “And it’s always true.”
“You’re no fun,” Pearl says, stepping away again.
Gem shrugs, “I don’t have to be fun to win.”
“You’re not going to win,” she replies. She keeps her voice light, playful.
She knows that despite everything, she still hopes the other woman makes her way out of this alive.
Gem raises an eyebrow, “Oh, really? What makes you say that?”
Pearl sees her hand twitch towards the blade of her sword, watches as her stance widens, just a little. Gem is gearing up for a fight, and Pearl certainly isn’t going to deny her one.
“Oh,” she shrugs, and she can’t help but love this part, “it’s just that you’re still so new, you know? I’m not quite sure you’re ready for the finale yet.”
Gem walks towards her, not stopping until they stand chest to chest. Pearl considers it a feat of strength that she doesn’t back down when Gem levels the full forces of her glare up at her.
“Not ready, huh? Still too weak? Too fragile?”
Pearl nods, “Look at that, you’ve got it.”
Gem leans in closer, letting her cheek brush against Pearl’s as her breath ghosts against her ear,
“Too easy to kill?”
Pearl flinches, she can’t help it. It’s a full-body movement, sending her stumbling a step back.
Gem grabs her wrist, pulling her back firmly, and causing Pearl to slip on the foliage covered ground. Her foot slides, but Gem still has a hold of her wrist. As Pearl uses her free hand to catch herself on the ground, something slips from her pocket.
It’s a piece of paper, folded neatly in half. Floating to the ground as though it is a simple feather and not Pearl’s most prized possession.
She leaps for it, but Gem gets there first, releasing her arm and letting her fall heavily to the ground.
Gem crouches over the piece of paper, unfolding it as Pearl picks herself back up.
Pearl hears Gem’s sharp intake of breath, “Why do you have a picture of me in your pocket?”
Pearl doesn’t answer.
Gem looks at her, “Pearl. Why? ”
She turns, spinning on her heel and beginning to walk away. It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t need the picture, maybe it’ll be good to finally be rid of it. She doesn’t owe Gem a second more of her time, and she certainly doesn’t owe her an explanation.
A hand lands on Pearl’s upper arm, pulling her back towards Gem for the second time today. She’s stronger than she looks, but of course, Pearl already knew that.
She turns back around, and Gem is there, right there . So, so close.
“You keep a picture of me in your pocket, Pearl?” She loves the way she says her name.
Pearl nods, she can’t help it.
“Why?” Gem whispers. Her eyes are yellow, but the way they flash reminds Pearl of when they were red.
She hates her, she hates her, she hates her.
“Because I miss you.” It’s the best mistake Pearl has ever made.
In an instant, Gem’s lips are on hers, firm and insistent and familiar .
She misses her, she misses her, she misses her.
Back before, with the camel and the cherry and the wounds that wouldn’t close, Gem had been red. She had been worn and hardened with one eye and a mean streak longer than her small body was tall.
She had still kissed Pearl softly.
She had still held her like she was glass and spoken to her like she might shatter, even as both of their swords dripped in unremorseful blood.
It had been Pearl who rushed forwards, who didn’t look before leaping and dragging Gem with her, who gathered her into her arm and kissed her as though it were their last day on earth.
Now, it is Gem’s turn to push, Pearl’s turn to stumble over herself until her back is pressed flush against the rough bark of a tree. Trapped in place, Pearl isn't sure there’s anywhere else she’d rather be, and when Gem’s teeth graze against her bottom lip, she knows that she’s won this game in every way that matters.
Gem’s hands are at her jaw, pulling her down to her level. Pearl slumps against the tree, her knee bending and slipping between Gem’s legs so neither of them has to strain their necks too much. She lets her fingers slip into Gem’s hair and feels the woman make a noise against her mouth when she tightens them around the strands.
She’s on fire, everything is burning, and she never wants it to stop.
Gem breaks away first, tearing herself from Pearl’s lips and leaning her head back out of her space.
Pearl’s eyes stay closed at first as she catches her breath, too afraid that the sight in front of her will deem that task impossible.
When she finally dares to look, Gem is beautiful. She always is, even from the other side of a chasm of Pearl’s own making. But, now she’s here , and she’s present, and Pearl has her all to herself. Her lips are raw red, her pupils are blown wide, and she looks exactly as wrecked as Pearl feels.
Pearl carefully removes her hands from Gem’s hair, quickly unraveling from what was previously a bun, and lets one rest against her neck as the other brushes the back of a finger against her cheek, blushed red. She traces a barely there cheekbone and rubs her thumb back and forth along her jaw.
Perfect.
Eventually, Gem breaks away from where she had been holding steady eye contact to lean over and press her face into Pearl’s bare neck. She doesn’t kiss her, just rests her lips against the delicate skin there. Pearl lets her arms drop to wrap around her waist, settling against the small of her back in what could be a hug.
Gem breathes in deeply, making Pearl conscious of how sweaty she is, she hopes she doesn’t smell too bad.
They stand there for a long time, Pearl thinks. Just breathing, just feeling the contact.
Eventually, Gem straightens back up and leans in to place a soft kiss on Pearl’s cheek. She can almost see cherry blossoms behind her, she can almost believe she’s forgiven.
“I miss you too.”