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Things with Mikey were complicated.
Well not really. Everyone knew you liked Mikey. It was obvious from the start. You met him in high school, living down the street from him and Gerard. You and Mikey were in the same grade and had a few classes together. You all started hanging out together every day, but for the most part you were always with Mikey. Gerard could tell you liked Mikey, but he never said anything. He didn’t want to get involved, especially not when you were someone he would consider as one of his best friends.
It got worse overtime. You and Mikey would get drunk or high and cuddle together a lot. Anytime you weren’t sober, you and Mikey were always touching, but it was the opposite when you were sober. It was starting to lead you on, but instead of talking about it with Mikey, you let it go cause maybe that’s just how he was when he wasn’t sober.
You would go to all of his band practices. He always asked you to come, saying you made him play better. This is when you met Frank and Ray. You ended up being just as close with them as you were with Gerard and Mikey, but Mikey was always the most important person to you.
When Mikey got his first girlfriend is when you realized just how badly you were in love with him. He spent less time with you, which led to you spending most of your time with Frank. Frank became your best friend so quickly. He was the first one to call you out on how you felt about Mikey. Instead of embarrassing you over it, he made you feel comfortable. He knew it was hurting you to see Mikey with someone else.
When Mikey and his girlfriend broke up, you were the first person to comfort him. He cried to you about how he loved her. It hurt you, but it meant more to you to be there for him.
A few months later, Mikey felt like he was over her. He was finally back to his old self. This is when Warped Tour had started. And when Mikey had started sleeping around. Of course, he didn’t realize how much this was hurting you.
But Mikey was either oblivious or didn’t feel the same way. More likely that he didn’t feel the same way. Why would he? Especially when he has girls and boys all over him every night.
That’s when you and Frank started hooking up. It had started one night when you were both very high. Neither of you felt romantically towards each other, but the sexual chemistry was there. You both weren’t thinking clearly the first night, but after a long talk the next morning, you both agreed that you could be best friends with benefits. It made sense since you were both together every day and didn’t want to sleep around the same way Mikey was. It felt more safe for both of you.
This was supposed to help with your feelings for Mikey. You figured since you were sleeping with a new guy that it would erase anything you had felt for Mikey. That was far from what happened.
It didn’t take long for everyone to catch on to the fact that you and Frank were sleeping together. Gerard had walked in to you both making out on the bus when you thought no one was coming back. You admitted it to everyone after that so nothing like that would happen again. Explaining that neither of you felt anything romantically for each other was hard to convince the others of. You both knew where you stood, that’s what mattered.
You thought that maybe after the admission to everything that Mikey would confess his love for you. That he would beg you to stop seeing Frank and start seeing him instead, just like something you would see in a movie. But that never happened. Mikey continued treating you the same way he had from the very beginning. And your feelings for him only got worse. He still treated you the same way he had when you were still in high school. You were both still hanging out like best friends, only you were completely in love with him.
It was impossible not to love Mikey. But it felt like it was impossible for Mikey to love anyone back. You had heard too many whispers in the morning when Mikey was getting whoever he slept with the night before to leave that he never had feelings for these people. In some part of your head, it gave you a sense of false hope. Maybe Mikey could like you after all. But the reality was that he just didn’t. He was never going to feel the same way as you did.
Frank could tell it was getting to you. Being at home with Mikey was one thing. Being on tour was so much worse. You were with him at almost every moment. He was sleeping around so much. It was like he would sleep with anyone except you. Which Frank thought was good because it would only fuck with your feelings, but he knew it was getting to you anyway. So, Frank would keep fooling around with you. He knew it would get your mind off of it, even if it was only for a moment. And it would help take away the stress both of you were feeling from Warped Tour.
But, of course, Mikey had to ruin that for you too.
Frank and you were on the bus. Gerard had gone off somewhere with Bert and Mikey was with god knows who doing god knows what. Ray had gone with some other friends to eat. That left you and Frank alone to do whatever you wanted.
Frank was on his knees on the floor, kissing up your bare thighs, pants thrown somewhere on the bus. It felt like he had been teasing you for hours, but it had only been minutes. Frank kisses over the wet spot on your panties.
“Please Frank… do something please”
Frank chuckled against your core, lifting his face slightly to look at you. He smiled and pulled your panties down. Frank blows on your clit, making you whine a beg again. He knew you were getting desperate. He kissed your clit lightly, giving it a small lick. You grabbed his head and pushed him closer to your core. That was all it took to get Frank to stop teasing. Frank’s mouth attaches to your clit, sucking on it and making you grind against his face. Frank’s hand moves from your thigh to slip two fingers inside you, making you moan even louder. He knew you were getting close; he could tell from how hard you were clenching around his fingers. It boosted his ego to know he could get you that close to coming that quickly.
Then your worst nightmare happened. Mikey walked onto the bus, seeing you with your legs wrapped around Frank’s head. Your head shot up and you pushed Frank away, kicking him in the head in the process. Mikey was frozen for a few seconds, until he turned around and walked right back out.
“Well, that’s great,” Frank said. He knew that had killed the mood instantly for you. He genuinely felt bad for you. He looked up to see tears in your eyes. “Hey, please don’t cry. I know that was embarrassing, but there are definitely worse things to be embarrassed of. If anything, he should be embarrassed for being so stupid to not even knock.” Frank reached up to rub your cheek to try to comfort you, but he knew it wasn’t going to make this better.
“I’m not embarrassed,” you whispered. That wasn’t completely true. You were slightly embarrassed that someone had just seen you half naked getting eaten out by your best friend. You were also pissed that he had just ruined your orgasm. But mostly you were upset. Upset that of all people to walk in, it had to be the person you were hopelessly in love with.
“Then what’s wrong?” Frank already knew. He was your best friend. But he felt he should ask anyway, just to make sure.
“I… love him.” It was quiet after that. Silent tears were streaming down your cheeks. You moved to get up and find your pants and underwear, starting to feel completely humiliated by all of this.
“Wait, please,” Frank grabbed your wrist lightly.
“I’m not in the mood to have sex anymore, Frank. I’m sorry.” You pulled your hand from his grasp, finding your underwear and pulling them up, still looking you the pants that Frank had flung across the room in a rush to get you undressed.
“No that’s not what I wanted. Please just sit down, let me get you so water and food and some pajamas. We can watch a movie or just lay here or something. Please just let me help you.” Frank stood up, holding both of your wrists now. He wanted nothing more than to make this pain go away.
“Ok, just let me dress myself. You can get me water and food.” You gave in, knowing Frank wouldn’t leave you alone until you were ok even if you did say no. Frank nodded and walked to the small kitchen area of the bus. He grabbed a water from the fridge, then grabbed his wallet from the table. He handed you the water while you walked to your bunk to find pajamas. “I’m going to go get us something to eat. I’ll be back very soon. Please don’t cry while I’m gone, at least wait until I’m back so I can hold you.” Frank kissed your forehead and walked out the bus door.
You tried your best to listen to Frank. To not cry while he was gone, but being alone made everything feel more real. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. It was so embarrassing loving someone that didn’t love you back.
After about 20 minutes, Frank walked back onto the bus. You looked up from the couch where you had been crying, the same couch you had been on less than an hour ago only seconds from an orgasm, noticing that Frank didn’t have any food. He looked agitated, but then Mikey walked on the bus with him. You were quick to sit up wipe your tears, attempting to save face from even more embarrassment. You didn’t know if you were about to scream at Frank or start crying again.
“Mikey has something to say to you,” Frank said, turning around to look at Mikey as he was closing the door. Mikey turned and looked at you, noticing the tears that had been coming down only moments ago. He was silent. It was like he couldn’t speak. You didn’t say anything either, too afraid that you would start crying again the moment you started speaking. It was embarrassing being this emotional, but you couldn’t help it. Not when it came to Mikey.
“Man, if you don’t say something, I’m gonna be pissed,” Frank said, getting annoyed at the silence between both of you. He was still silent, staring at the floor as if he was being scolded by a parent.
After a few more seconds of silence, you decided you had enough of this humiliation. You got up off the couch, hoping to leave the bus so you could at least get the food Frank promised you, but someone grabbed your wrist. You turned, expecting to see Frank’s hand, but instead found Mikey’s fingers wrapped around you.
“Don’t go,” he whispered. Your mind was screaming at you to pull free, to just walk away and save yourself now. But your heart was telling you to stay, to do whatever he wanted as long as he was still touching you, even if it was only your wrist. Unfortunately, your heart was winning this battle.
You looked up into his eyes. He looked just as embarrassed as you were. You both were severely lacking self-confidence, but you couldn’t see why he didn’t have any. Maybe that was part of the reason you fell for him in the first place.
“Why?” you whispered, hoping he wouldn’t let go.
“I want you here,” he whispered. It was like it was only the 2 of you, like Frank wasn’t watching this whole reaction.
“Go on Mikey, tell her what you told me outside,” Frank said, hoping this would be over soon. He knew it wouldn’t be since both of his best friends were bad at conveying their feelings to each other.
Mikey stood there, rubbing his thumb across your wrist, hoping he wouldn’t have to speak. You looked up at him, waiting for a response that was never going to come. It was making the tears well up in your eyes again. Mikey looked up, feeling horrible about the pain he was causing you.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered. You wished he would just leave and end whatever was happening. “I am sorry for everything I have put you through. I’m sorry for barging in on you and Frank. And for everything else,” he said. It hurt more than it should have to hear him apologize. It felt like an admission to him not loving you.
“it’s okay,” you whispered, silent tears spilling over your face. Mikey moved his hand up to wipe them off. “Please don’t do that Mikey,” you whispered, pushing his hand away from you. Mikey looked at you confused. He just wanted to help, and you were pushing him away. But it was what was best for you, to save your heart from breaking any further.
“I love you.”
You froze. What did he just say? Your mind was racing. Surely, he just meant it as a friend. He didn’t love you how you loved him. You stared at him, not saying a word. You looked to Frank for a moment, hoping he would save you. He wasn’t going to. Frank wanted you both to stop beating around the bush and just admit your feelings for each other. You looked back to Mikey, still not knowing how to answer. After another minute of silence, you finally spoke.
“No,” you said. It was the only words to come out of your mouth. Mikey and Frank both looked shocked.
“What do you mean no?” Mikey said. It felt like all of your feelings were about to come spilling out. And they did.
“No, you don’t love me. I have been in love with you for years, maybe since we first met. Everyone knows this, Frank knows this. I don’t know why he would bring you in here after everything just to have you hurt me more. And I know it’s not your fault. I can’t force you to love me the way I love you. But for you to come in here and play with my feelings is wrong on so many levels. You know how I feel about you; I don’t even have to tell you. Why would you do this to me? We’re supposed to be friends,” you said, letting the tears roll down your cheeks. You felt some relief in finally getting to have some say in how Mikey treated you. It didn’t stop the pain you felt.
Mikey and Frank both said nothing. You pulled your hand from Mikey’s and walked outside of the bus. It felt nice getting some air. You just stood outside, there was no where for you to go now. It was late and you didn’t want anyone to see you crying. So, you sat on the ground outside of the bus, hoping Frank wouldn’t come looking for you. You knew eventually he would. The summer air felt nice, even though it was colder since it was dark outside. But not even the breeze could stop the silent tears. All of these emotions were too overwhelming. This never should have happened. Not like this, not while you all were stuck together on a tour bus for at least the next 2 months. Maybe you could just leave?
After about 10 minutes of trying to calm down, you heard the bus door open and someone come outside. You didn’t bother looking up, knowing who it was.
“Frank, please go back inside. I don’t want to talk right now. I’m sorry for ruining your night,” you said.
“I’m not Frank and you didn’t ruin anyone’s night,” Mikey said, sitting down next to you. For a minute, you debated getting up and running away, but your heart forced you to stay, just to be close to him. You looked up at him, not expecting to see tears in his eyes.
“I love you. I always have. I don’t know when it started or why I didn’t just tell you a long time ago. You deserve so much better than me. I think that’s part of why I never said anything. But I want you to know now that I love you and I’m sorry for everything. For the way I treated you,” Mikey said, wiping the tears from under your eyes in the process, “You don’t have to believe me. I wouldn’t if I was you. But I promise I’m telling the truth. You mean the world to me,” he finishes, turning to look into the sky. It takes you a few minutes to take all of it in, just sitting in silence with each other.
“I believe you,” you whispered. Mikey turns to look at you, a smile flashing across his face.
“Can I kiss you?” he says, pushing the hair from your face. You nod your head.
When your lips meet, all you can think of is how soft they feel. It had taken years to get to this point, and now that you were here, you couldn’t be happier.
After awhile of just sitting outside and holding each other and making apologies, you both went back inside the bus. You both climbed into Mikey’s bunk, laying together for the rest of the night. Frank was already asleep, knowing you both would work it out somehow.
There was so much more to be discussed between you both, but for now it was just you and Mikey. Just the way it was meant to be.