Chapter Text
Despite your profession, sex has never really been your thing. Sure, you’ve had your fair share of crushes who, according to your friends, had lots of sex appeal, but you never found yourself wanting to go any further than kissing. Maybe you just weren’t cut out to be a stripper. Ah, but it pays so well...
As you finish off your last show of the night, you begin to wonder if you’ll ever find a guy worth banging. That’s when life decides it's going to smack you across the face with a miracle-- a really really painful miracle. You’ve made your way behind the stage and reverted your appearance to a casual jeans and tank top combination. Walking around to the back exit, you slide your bag further up your shoulder and head down your usual route home, exiting the dim alley way and emerging onto the brightly lit sidewalks. You round a couple corners and cross a bridge habitually, greeting the occasional stranger until you've made it to the steps of your apartment complex. Walking up the stairs feels like a mountain trek on your weary feet, so as soon as you step through the door, your shoes are kicked off, bra tossed over the back of a chair, and limbs strewn carelessly along the length of your bed. The last thing you remember before completely passing out was mentally scolding yourself for forgetting to take out your earrings.
---
You haven’t slept that well in ages, so you figure it must be a premonition. Perhaps god was on your side for once in your life. You start your day, as you do whenever the future doesn’t seem so bleak, with a fresh cup of coffee and nice warm bath. Once you’ve finished, you slide into the dress and shoes you laid out previously and practically leap out of the door. Man, off days really are the greatest.
The birds are chirping, the sky is blue, and the sun is blinding-- a picture perfect day to relax, if you do say so yourself. Your smile falters, however, when you hear an unfamiliar guitar strum. Quickly, you match the sound to its player. A leather clad, shade-wearing, bowlcut-rocking man was standing on the bridge nearest your apartment, winking and smirking at girls in the most embarrassing way possible. You’ve never cringed so hard in your life, and yet, you feel oddly compelled to approach him.
“Nice shades, cool kid.” You coo with a smirk.
Oh no, his shirt. He’s got a shirt with his own face on it. It’s delightfully preposterous and you can’t tell if he’s joking, or if he thinks he’s hot shit. Well, to be fair, he’s completely justified in thinking so, because you’ve never seen a more gorgeous dork. His guitar drops to the ground with a thud and the obvious shock displayed on his face is hysterical. You wouldn’t be surprised if you were the first person to ever give him the time of day. In a way though, that was kind of charming, and your smile returns as you watch him pull himself together.
“Heh,” oh god, “thank you, my beautiful.”
He’s perfect. He’s wonderful. He’s just the miracle you’ve been asking for. You want him.
So, you somehow manage to coax him into taking you out to eat, though he doesn’t look like he has a dime to his name. Yet and still, he orders both of you some of the highest quality food and wine you have ever laid your eyes on. The dates your ex boyfriends used to take you on couldn’t hold a fraction of a candle to this. You have never been so wooed in your life. Never before have you been so comfortable just sitting and talking with a guy, albeit doing so over some expensive ass food. When the waiter comes to get the bill, you sigh in satisfaction. Your perfect date is over, but you are content.
Your thoughts of tranquility are interrupted by a gross sniffle. Addressing the noise, you glance over to see Karamatsu sobbing from behind his shades as he peers into the void of his wallet. He’s broke.
“Oh my god! If you need me to pay you back for all this, I can, Karamatsu...”
“Non, non. I could never allow my Karamatsu girl to pay for a date.”
Dear god, being called something as ridiculous as a “Karamatsu girl” should never turn anyone on, but you end up demanding to go home with him immediately.
---
You are about to get laid, and you're about to get laid hard. Sure, this is only the first date, and you only met Karamatsu this morning, but nothing is going to stop you now.
“Karamatsu-niisan?”
Holy shit Karamatsu has a twin with a gaping mouth and googly eyes. Karamatsu gasps, and you can tell he had completely forgotten of his brother’s existence. He tries his best to shoo away his brother, who you are quickly able to identify as Jyuushimatsu, but Jyuushi doesn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the pack.
“What are you doing, Shittymatsu?”
Oh my god he’s a triplet. At this point, you’re both giddy and three times as turned on as you were before. So many cute boys, your uterus can’t take it. You barely pay attention while Karamatsu tries to defend himself.
“Ah, my brother, I’m- uhm...”
“Who's the girl?” His purple-wearing triplet asks.
Snapping out of your fantasies, you turn to address the question and introduce yourself properly, when you freeze in place. There are more of them...
“Hey, why are you guys crowding the door?” The clone in red questions. “Osomatsu-niisan,” Jyuushi interjects,”Karamatsu-niisan brought a girl home!” “A what?!” they all yell in --what had to be rehearsed-- unison. Jyuushimatsu smiles, but it seems the others aren’t so happy to hear the news.
The man in the green hoodie, who you now know as Choromatsu, leads you inside politely while the rest of the brothers all but drag Karamatsu through the door. You watch in awe as six same faces yell, punch, and scream at each other in a heated frenzy. Did you do all this? Well, you can’t just leave-- how rude would that be.
“There’s no way a loser like you is graduating from virgin status before me!” Osomatsu yells while striking Karamatsu on the head. The others voice their agreements before dogpiling on top of each other.
Wait.
“Oh, you’re all virgins?” The room freezes in an almost comedic silence before Karamatsu snaps his fingers.
“Heh,” why are you smirking, “of course.”
“Don’t be so proud of that, Shittymatsu.”
“If anything, I’m going to get laid before any of you, nii-sans.” The man in the pink hoodie brags, while Choro acts as the voice of reason, “Be realistic, Totty! None of us are having sex any time soon.”
“Well, I mean, if you want, I can sleep with all of you.”
You even shock yourself by what you just said. You totally just offered to whore yourself out to a bunch of guys you had just met. But strangely enough, for once in your life, you don’t regret a thing.