Chapter Text
Rook knew the longer he stood in front of Emmrich’s door, the more likely it was that someone would see him and ask what he was doing. Or worse: Emmrich would open it and let out a surprised little “Oh!” or just make that adorable confused face like he did the first few times Rook flirted with him. Either way, Rook would end up flustered and probably make a joke rather than say what he’d come here to say.
The nerves he was feeling now were nothing compared to the terror he felt fighting dragons, darkspawn, and actual Gods. This anxiety was almost refreshing, in comparison, since his life wasn’t on the line. And yet, that didn’t make it any easier.
With one last deep breath, Rook finally pushed open the door and entered Emmrich’s tower.
“Emmrich?” he called out, not seeing the mage downstairs.
“Up here, Rook.”
“I have to tell you something.” Rook said these words as he climbed the stairs, finding it easier to say them before actually seeing the man he was speaking to.
“Yes, my dear?”
Rather than loose his nerve upon seeing Emmrich, the older man’s presence calmed and comforted him, as it so often did. “When I was in the kitchen earlier with Lucanis, I was flirting with him a little and we almost kissed.”
“Oh!”
“I’m sorry, Em, I got caught up in the moment and…”
"Rook, it’s okay,” Emmrich interjected, closing the short distance between them and taking Rook’s hands in his own. “I’m not angry.”
“You’re not?”
"Why, no! You are a beautiful, young man and Lucanis certainly has his charms. You share a history and a culture. It’s perfectly understandable that there would be some attraction between you.”
“I swear, half of it is just that accent. Even though I grew up in Treviso and heard it all the time, there’s still something about the purr of it that makes me weak.”
Emmrich laughed warmly, stroking the back of Rook’s hand with his thumb. “So, Lucanis seduced you with his voice, did he? You’ve told me before how you love my way with words as well. Where most are drawn to others for their looks, perhaps you are drawn by sound, by the way we speak to you.” Without thinking, Rook closed his eyes and leaned into Emmrich’s touch as the man softly traced the ridge of his ear. “Yes, you do seem especially receptive to this.”
Rook huffed a breath into Emmrich’s hand and pressed a quick kiss to his palm. “You’re distracting me.”
“Quite right,” replied Emmrich, immediately returning his hands to his lap. “You were telling me that you and Lucanis almost kissed and I was eager to hear more. Why was it just an ‘almost’ kiss?”
Rook’s cheeks flushed as he remembered the moment. “I’d like to say it’s because I thought of you, so I pulled away before anything happened…”
“But?”
"But it was Lucanis who stopped himself and walked away.”
"I see. And how did that make you feel?”
“Disappointed? Embarrassed? And then worried that it would hurt you when you found out.” Centering himself in the moment again, Rook’s face scrunched in confusion. “Why aren’t you more upset?”
"Because I know you would not intentionally hurt me. I know that we care for each other and enjoy each others company, but I do not own you, Rook. You are human and humans are … complicated. We’re also extraordinarily simple. We are driven by our desires and our emotions, sometimes more than we’d like to be, but there is nothing wrong with that. Even spirits, in their simplest forms are driven by emotion. How could I possibly fault you for giving into yours?”
"But it would have been cheating. I’m with you, Emmrich. I want to be with you.”
“And you are, my dear, and you have not cheated on me. We have also never discussed the parameters of our relationship. An oversight, perhaps.”
“The parameters of our relationship?”
“Yes. For instance, if you want to have sex with Lucanis, I do not think I would be hurt if you did so. But would you be hurt if I allowed it? Would you think I don’t cherish you as I most certainly do? And what if I was the one who wanted to have sex with Lucanis? How would that make you feel and what would you permit me?”
“You want to have sex with Lucanis?”
“Not particularly, no. It was just a hypothetical. My point is: it’s often assumed that people in a relationship must behave a certain way even when it goes against their true desires. Though monogamy may work for many people, it cannot work for everyone and to assume so diminishes the diversity among us. Rather than fear this diversity, I posit that we’re better off to face it head on with compassion and curiosity so that we might better understand and love one another.”
Emmrich’s words touched Rook like a gentle caress: softly, tenderly, and with such care. He took away Rook’s worry and guilt and instead filled him with a sense of true compassion and hope.
Emmrich was Rook’s light on his darkest days and could guide him out of that darkness whether it be physical or purely in his mind. Though he was momentarily at a loss for words, his love for the man was clear in his eyes.
“So,” Emmrich continued, “If you have the time, I’d like to discuss what you want and what I want so that we may both seek to satisfy our own needs without harming each other in the process.”
“You’re incredible, Emmrich Volkarin.”
“I’m flattered you think so.”
Rook took Emmrich’s head in his hands and gave him a tender kiss. Relaxed, he then rested his arms over Emmrich’s shoulders and crossed his wrists behind his neck. “More than anything, I don’t want to lose this, to lose you.”
This brought a smile to Emmrich’s lips.
“I’m serious,” Rook continued. “I’m not sure where this discussion’s going to go, but I won’t agree to anything that jeopardizes what we have. I love you, Emmrich.”
“And I love you.” The slow, sure way that Emmrich said these words sent another wave of calm through Rook. This was what made Rook fall in love with him. When the whole world seemed to be crumbling around them, Emmrich gave Rook peace; he made him feel safe and stable, if only for these fleeting moments between their travels.
Satisfied, after one more kiss, Rook untangled himself from Emmrich and claimed a seat beside him. “So, where do we start?”