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The fire crackled before Rook, creating a pleasant atmosphere. It was warm and cozy sitting on the rug in front of it - very much unlike her room, left cold and dark with the wall of fish. That wasn’t to say hers had no charm, but it wasn’t like this. This was homely. Comforting.
Perhaps that had more to do with the company, she thought, as she pet Assan’s head, now resting in her lap after an enormous meal. He was already sound asleep, all tuckered out from giving Davrin a hard time being the picky eater that he was. It was almost strange to think this little griffin would grow up to be strong and powerful when he still looked like such a sweet and innocent baby as he slept here like this.
She continued petting him slowly and gently, comforting him in his sleep, and even with the weight of chasing after gods that she unleashed onto the world, she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this weightless. Assan was good at taking that burden away, even if it was only for the brief time they had here at the lighthouse between missions and duty.
Davrin was good at that, too, she thought, as she looked up at him, approaching the fireplace to join her now. He sat on the floor next to them, shaking his head disapprovingly at Assan, but not in any serious way. Perhaps more of a good-natured jealousy than anything else.
“I’m the one that cooked him his truffles, yet you’re the one that gets the cuddles? I see how it is.”
“Oh, it’s not like that, and you know it. My lap was simply available.”
“I’m not so sure about that. He rarely comes to me for affection.”
Rook sat there, contemplating it more, gently petting the space on his head between his brows. “It’s because he respects you.”
Davrin scoffed. “Like he doesn’t respect you?”
“Not in the same way. You set the tone with him. You’re his model of structure and expectations. He admires you. He wants to make you proud.”
Davrin simply looked at Assan as she spoke, like he wasn’t entirely convinced.
“Look, I understand why it may upset you, but I hope you understand that’s all a good thing. You’re the one he has to listen to on the battlefield. He has to have that voice he trusts with things like that. You’re the one that will matter when it counts, even if that may leave less room for nurturing like this.”
Davrin finally broke a weak smile. “Yeah. I know you’re right,” he said, gently petting Assan’s back as he slept away. “I guess I just wish I could be the fun parent sometimes.”
Rook looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. “Like I am?” she asked, testing the waters a little. They’d been flirting for so long now, but neither of them had made good on it.
He grinned confidently, telling her everything she needed to know. “Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far. You’d have to be fun to do that.”
She scoffed, thwapping his arm lightly with the back of her hand. “I can be plenty fun… just not when we’re chasing after gods.”
“Fair enough,” he said with a gentle laugh. “He seems pretty smitten with you, though.”
“Well, I think that sentiment is mutual.” The way she’d been so lost, staring at Assan’s adorable face told her as much. It made her think of other avenues in life. Ones she’d long repressed.
“I hope you know I don’t actually mind,” Davrin said. “I may feel like I’m missing out on that with him, but I’m glad he has it from you. He needs it from someone.”
She nodded lightly with a weak smile, and the silence passed between them, filled with nothing more than the crackling fire.
“Is something wrong, Rook?”
She stopped petting Assan then, leaning both of her arms back to get more comfortable. From the corner of her eye, she could see Davrin studying her, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.
“For how much you seemed to have a rough go of it, I’d say you’ve really taken to parenting,” she said, somewhat ignoring his question. He turned to gaze into the fire with her then.
“I don’t know about that. Every day, I feel like I’m failing him in some way or another.”
Rook shook her head. “If you ask me, I think that’s the sign of a good parent. It means you’re paying attention. You’re constantly seeking ways to improve yourself and assess how things are going. I know that first-hand, seeing as how you often come to me for opinions.”
He let out a quiet laugh. “Alright. I guess I’ll have to take your word for it, then.”
More silence passed between them, and Assan let out the cutest little snore. After they were done taking in his adorableness, she caught Davrin’s eyes.
“Couldn’t help but notice you didn’t answer my question.”
She nodded with slight guilt, looking back into the fire. “To be quite honest, I don’t know how I’m doing.”
“Want to talk about it?”
She stared at him blankly because she barely even knew if she understood how she felt. But then again, if anyone would understand, it would probably be Davrin. “It takes a lot of sacrifice to be a Grey Warden. I suppose, as the years have gone on, I’m starting to understand that more.”
Davrin looked down at Assan in her lap like he might be cluing in. “You regretting your choice?”
“What choice? I thought I was just having a pint,” she said with a devilish grin.
“I know that story wasn’t true, by the way. As funny as it was, we can put away the pretense right now. I can tell something is on your mind.”
“Alright,” she said, sighing and staring at the ceiling. “Am I regretting it? Not exactly. Fighting the darkspawn has given me purpose, and I care about what I do. I feel as though I make a difference. I impact this world every day that I’m out there fighting. Do I wish I’d understood better what I’d be giving up?...” She looked into the fire again because she felt more vulnerable than she wanted to admit, especially around such a serious subject. Not one she’d usually broach this early on with a potential romantic partner, either, but once again, Davrin would understand more than most. “Yes, I think I do wish that.”
He was quiet for a moment. “You wanted children,” he said. It wasn’t even a question. He’d been reading this conversation right from the very moment it began.
“That’s the thing. I don’t know if I wanted them when I did the joining. I want them now.” She sputtered a little out of embarrassment. “Well, not now now,” she said, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Obviously, that’s not even possible.”
“It’s okay, Rook,” he said, and she knew he was serious because his gravelly voice was coming out. “I understand.”
“You do?”
He shrugged. “Maybe not entirely about this subject, but I’ve had thoughts about what I’ve given up. When I was younger, I didn’t used to fear the idea of the calling or dying young. That’s the thing about youth. You feel like life is so long already and that you’re invulnerable to so much, but as you get older, you realize how quickly it passes you by. And now I have Assan,” he said, looking down at him, petting him tentatively. “I have good people in my life,” he said, meeting her eyes again more seriously. “Let’s just say I’m starting to notice the things I’ll be missing out on.”
She nodded mournfully. “Thanks for putting that thought in my mind, now,” she said with a weak laugh that he reciprocated. “Kidding, of course, because it’s nothing I haven’t thought of myself. I hope you know that I’ve been enjoying your company very much as well, though. Can’t lie… that might be part of what’s gotten me thinking down this road a little more. I saw this little family in Dock Town. A mom, a dad, and a cute toddler between them, giggling away.” She smiled at the memory, just how she’d done while she was in that moment. “I remember thinking of you, then.” She cleared her throat again, looking a little mortified. “Dear me, I hope I’m not being too forward.”
He smiled warmly. “It does kind of feel like you’re saying the quiet part out loud… but I never said I had a problem with that. I think you and I both know we’ve been dancing around something here for a while now.”
She swallowed her embarrassment down, continuing. “Alright. Well, please, just don’t take me too seriously. It was more of a fleeting thought than anything else.”
“It’s okay. I want to hear it.”
She nodded, feeling more confident, but looked back into the fire again anyway, because it was still a vulnerable thing to admit. “Well, it just got me thinking, and it painted an image in my mind. You and me together in the future… with a child just like that. But then it dawned on me that will never be me.”
Just then, she felt his hand cover hers, left resting there on the floor to help support herself. It brought her attention back to him.
“I’m sorry, Rook.” He was silent for a moment, letting the weight of it sink in, and allowing it the gravity it deserved. “I don’t regret my decision, you know. I don’t think I ever will, but that doesn’t mean those sacrifices aren’t difficult at times.”
“Yeah,” she said, barely more than a raspy whisper. The more she was speaking it out loud, the more she was letting that repression go, and with it came the emotions. “I think I just didn’t understand how much I wanted it until recently. It is really hard.”
His thumb gently roved over the back of her hand. She used the other one to wipe away at a tear forming before she let out another laugh to break the awkwardness. “What am I saying? The world is ending, and I’m all fussed over things that don’t matter.”
He grabbed her hand more supportively now - insistent. “Rook. We’re saving the world, and what is that for, if not a future? If it matters to you, then it matters. You don’t have to brush it off like that. Not around me.”
She looked at him solemnly, finally relenting with a nod. “I appreciate it.”
“And… not to diminish how you’re feeling in any way, but rather, to highlight a different perspective… Just because we can’t have children doesn’t mean we couldn’t be a family.”
A hint of a smile played at her lips - one she felt genuinely now, despite the rawness of everything she finally let herself feel. “You want to be a family with me?” she said teasingly.
“Roooook,” he said in something of a scoff as he rolled his eyes, but when he met hers again, there was a seriousness there. A feeling she mirrored in herself.
They’d been dancing around this flirtation and teasing for so long now. They’d even had an earnest discussion not usually had until well into a relationship. All that, and never so much as sharing a kiss, and suddenly, she wondered what she’d been waiting for.
He seemed to think similarly as he leaned in towards her. She was compelled to do the same, but she had been so enraptured by him that she’d forgotten the sleeping baby whose head was currently in her lap. Assan roused at the movement, jumping up to play, making little warbling sounds at them.
Davrin let out a heavy sigh, but looked at Rook with mirth.
“Took him out flying for hours today. You’d think he’d be more tired than that.”
“He may tire like a small child, but he’s also as spry as one, it would seem. Nothing like the energy of youth.”
Davrin let out a small laugh. “Clearly.”
“I… liked where this was going, though.”
“Me too. I don’t want to put us to the side.”
Assan perked his ears up, looking between them as they spoke, and Rook watched him do so.
“Me neither. But perhaps we should get a sitter next time,” she said with a wink. “Neve is more interested than she lets on.”
“Duly noted.”
They shared a longing glance with one another, regretful for the missed moment. But then Assan started to headbutt Davrin, wanting to play. Rook took that as a sign that maybe it was time to go, so she stood, and Davrin followed suit.
“Maybe you’re more of a fun parent than you know,” she said with a smirk, looking at Assan. The way he bounced around and waited for Davrin’s attention certainly said so. Davrin had a lighthearted smile as he watched with her.
“I suppose you’re right.”
“Thanks for the talk, Davrin.”
“Anytime. I mean it.”
She nodded, feeling the bashful smile on her lips. “I think you already know I’ll be back.”
They shared one last parting smile. An item they were not, but it was sure starting to feel like they were well on their way. For now, she was merely grateful for having someone who understood.