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The star slid, impossibly, behind the curtain.
She didn’t think stars moved that fast, but there it went.
“I don’t think Jackson is ever going to stop talking.” Jinyoung closed the door to the small bedroom and sat on the floor next to the bed where she was. “I might literally die before he stops.”
She smirked. “You don't think he'll stop talking for the next 50 years?”
“Exactly.”
The Airbnb was nice…. During the day when everyone was awake. And WANTED to be awake.
Chatter carried through the hallway towards them, through the door, through the still air. Mostly unintelligible but increasingly annoying.
She had already resigned herself to getting little to no sleep tonight. Not with Jackson here (God bless his loud and obnoxious soul) and certainly not with apple pie moonshine involved (God bless Ella’s soul too).
…
If she shifted her head to the left, the disappearing star came back.
Reassuring.
She sketched a sky-bison in her notebook that was supposed to be for sketching important things. Important things? Yes, important things, like Jinyoung. But now he was too close to sketch, too close to think about.
He leaned back on the low bed frame, facing away, towards the door. Probably glaring at Jackson through the walls- if noise could carry through one way, why not his condescension the other?
It was for the best anyways. She didn’t need him to see how many times she glanced over at him. Almost didn’t want the din in the living room to stop, because if it stopped that meant time would start again, and everyone would go to bed, and the sky would turn until it was morning, and Jinyoung would be gone again. Unlike in her dreams where he stayed and lay next to her. Breaths rising and falling, asynchronous waves.
In this pink-lightbulb room, she could imagine that he was there by choice, for her.
For me? Unlikely.
But just existing in the same room was nice. Comfortable. She sketched jigsaw puzzle pieces in the notebook.
Five minutes passed.
She felt that she should say something to him, make conversation, provide a super witty comment that he would have to laugh at. And in laughing, fall in love. (Of course.) But she couldn’t think of anything, so she sketched another puzzle piece.
Squeals and guffaws sounded from the other room.
And then of a sudden, the momentous sudden, Jinyoung turned around. For a second their eyes met, before his shifted to the sketchbook. He leaned over it and pointed at the corner: yesterday’s drawing.
She tried to breathe evenly.
Do not betray the effect he has.
“What’s that one?”
He’s not here for you….. Look at the paper…
“That’s an Atlas moth, see how the tips of the wings look like snake heads?....”
Talking, talking.
If you asked her the next day what she said, she wouldn’t remember. But she did remember what she was trying not to notice.
She was trying not to notice how Jinyoung’s hair fell so precisely across his forehead, how his hickory-brown eyes flitted between hers and the page, how he was resting his head on his forearm, on the side of the bed…
It was nice, for once. To talk to someone who cared. How she had wanted someone who cared. Who listened. Who asked, “what's your favorite moth?” when all everyone else wanted to do was play another drinking game.
Stop it brain. He doesn’t like you like that. He would have already said something. Remember how quickly he asked out Carolina? They had met, what, three days before that? And you’ve known him for months.
She almost wished he would leave so she could go back to Dream Land ™ where everything was perfect and she could read everyone’s thoughts. Where Jinyoung was in love with her.
No.
Just enjoy the moment, dammit.
She described the camouflage of Atlas moths, and told him what her favorite moth was.
Who cares though?
He told her a story of one time he was visiting southern Quebec and saw a Luna moth and didn't know they existed in real life.
“I thought it was like, some public art installation or something. But like, a really small, strange one, on the outside of the pit toilets for some reason…”
I'm so tired…. But at the same time I'm not… There will be a time when it’s quiet again…. I don’t want it yet. Not yet. He’s here….. I am here. Can Carolina say that SHE is here? No.
(Carolina and Jinyoung’s relationship had ended two months ago.)
Jinyoung seemed in a trance now, gazing at the sketchbook. Maybe he was just falling asleep. She did not look at his eyes, for fear that he was. But maybe just a peek, to make sure?
Oops, he was looking at her.
Oops.
And somehow she was falling... Oh shit, literally falling now.....
Which way is up? Please tell me which way is up, I need to find the door.
She couldn’t remember which way was up.
But she did remember him, she remembered a man called Jinyoung. She could see him then, staring at the sketchbook. How long would she remember that though?
The stars moved past her, she was among them, they were among her.
That doesn’t make any sense.
What was his name again?
...
Is he seriously hallucinating now? Is he dreaming? He swears she was there a second ago but now he's not so sure. Why is he in this bedroom? He’s tired and wants to go to sleep but the shouts from the other room disturb the peace.
There lies a sketchbook on the bed, the jigsaw pieces that do not fit together. Who drew that? And the thing with wings in the corner. He thinks it's the most beautiful drawing he's ever seen. Not at first maybe, but now he's staring at it longer and longer and ..... he shakes his head. What is happening? He gets up and pulls the curtain from the window. He needs to see a tree, see some stars or the moon or something, remind himself he's still on earth.
But wait. Where did the stars go? I swear, it was supposed to be a clear sky tonight.
He has a vague memory of a woman... she was drawing something. A snake perhaps?
The memory fades. And so, for a moment, does the living room chatter.
Someone opens the door behind him.
“Hey are you, oh hey.” It's Bambam, somehow not drunk.
Jinyoung turns around. “Did it get cloudy? I thought it was supposed to be clear this whole weekend.”
“Um, I dunno, the, wait, dude.” Bam’s eyes widen. “The f is up with your eyes?”
Jackson appears in the doorway too. Jinyoung looks at him, cocks an eyebrow.
Why are we concerned with my eyes now?
And for once, Jackson speaks in a whisper.
“Holy shit. They’re full of stars.”