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Quiet whines could be heard from inside Dazai's container. It was dark in there, Dazai's night vision would have been able to offer some comfort but unfortunately his vision was clouded with tears. He gripped his matress as he continued throwing his tantrum. There was nobody watching him, and yet it was still humiliating. He was too old to have these feelings, let alone to act on them in this way. Dazai pulled at his hair as hard as he could in an attempt to ground himself. Maybe it was another form of punishment. Mori would sometimes pull on Dazai's hair. The memories of Mori caused bile to rise in Dazai's throat but he quickly swallowed it, letting out a loud cry afterwards. Burning was the last feeling he wanted in his throat, or his eyes. Everything was dizzying. His body was sweating despite how cold it was. Dazai imagined someone holding him in an attempt to sooth himself, but the idea of someone else feeling his boiling skin was embarrassing.
A shard of the moons light was all it took for Dazai to jump out of his skin. He couldn't move. Panic took over, he pulled at his hair again as his lungs began to hyperventilate. He tried despretly to speak but no sounds came out other than a choked whine and more shakey breaths. A hand could be felt on Dazai's soaked back, to his confusion it was gentle.
The voice was gentle, concerned even. He couldnt tell what it was saying, but he knew it was kind. Dazai squirmed a little to move away from the hand, it hurt to feel something so warm. He tried to speak but nothing but babbles came out. The owner of the voice peeled Dazai's blanket off his overheated body and gently tugged at the hem of his shirt. "Do you want this off?" Nodding his head was all Dazai could respond with.
He felt like a toddler, he probably looked like one. Having his shirt off was a big releif though, it let his skin breathe along with the rest of his body. Dazai didn't even realise his boxers had been removed either until he felt the cool night air hit his thighs. It felt so good. Everything was ok. He wasn't burning alive anymore. Tears still clouded his vision, however everything was easing up now.
Dazai looked up to see Chuuya's face, a terrifying reality. Seeing Chuuya holding his sweaty disgusting clothes, looking down at his nude body. All of it made his mind start to go fuzzy. A hand was placed on his head, pulling back his bangs that had stuck themselves to his forehead. "Don't worry, I wont hurt you. Do you want some water?" Dazai paused and stared at Chuuya.
"...Can you take my bandages off?" His voice was higher than usual, and he had to sniffle afterwards like a sickly child. A stupid sickly child. Feeling his scars touch the air after so long was yet another relief.
"There, that better?" Chuuya's voice was sickeningly sweet, at least for him. Dazai was far from used to hearing Chuuya talk like this and treat him with sutch care.
"Why are you here?" Dazai attempted to use an interigational tone, but it once again came out like a scared little kid wondering if they could sleep in their parents bed after a nightmare.
"That doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does. Why are you here?" Confidence slowly came back to him.
"Just shut the fuck up and let me take care of you, here-" Chuuya pulled off his coat and threw it ontop of Dazai "-we are going back to my apartment wether you like it or not. You're not stable enough to be by yourself right now." A loud sigh came out of Dazai as he lifted himself up from his bed, gently pulling the coat over himself.
Dazai was too tired to fight back, it would be easier to just do as he was told right now. Later on though, he would definitely get Chuuya back for this. The car was uncomfortable, feeling his bare body against anything other than familiar textures that he knew he liked was tourture. Dazai clung onto Chuuya's coat, thankful that he was too busy driving to see him sniffing it. Chuuya's sent always calmed him down, even if it was gross most of the time.
Whenever Chuuya showered, he was always so clean. His sent changed from time to time, currently he smelt of citrus. After missions, Chuuya stunk of sweat and smoke, but even then Dazai would still try to sniff him. There was definitely something wrong with him.
Once Dazai was done fantacising about Chuuya's sent, it was time to get out of the car. Dazai reluctantly stepped out. It was humiliating being put into a situation where anyone could see his nude form, save for a coat, but he would just have to deal with it. Chuuya gave Dazai the mercy of taking the back entrance into his room, to ensure that nobody else saw him like this.
Everything else blurred until Dazai hit Chuuya's bed. It smelt of him, everything here smelt of Chuuya, but his bed was especially potant. "...I think I'm ready for clothes Chibi.." Dazai used the nickname to relive some of the tension.
"I'll say. I have fresh bandages here if you need them, they are the brand you like." Chuuya pulled out one of his larger jumpers, usually he slept in this during winter. Dazai needed it right now though so he would sacrifice it.
"...Your a really good boyfriend." Dazai felt small tears welling up in his eyes again, despite his blank expression as he said the words. He was so tired. So unbelivably tired. Making sense of emotions was too much for him.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm perfect." Chuuya let out a sigh as he spoke. "Arms up." He held out the jumper, ready to dress Dazai when he was ready.
Before Dazai knew it, he was wrapped in Chuuya's arms being soothed to sleep. "Nobody is coming to hurt you right now, it's ok." His voice was music to his ears. Nothing mattered other than Chuuya's voice. Nothing at all.
(sponge bob narrator voice: "the next day")
Mornings after rough nights were always unpleasant. Guilt hit Dazai as he noticed he had wrapped his arms and legs around Chuuya's smaller body. Feeling his cock against Chuuya only made him feel like a pervert. He knew better than to be this clingy and annoying. He knew better than to force his lover to baby him. Dazai tried to sniff Chuuya's neck, but it only reminded him of how horrible he was for treating his lover so horribly.
Dazai quickly detangled himself from the bed and pulled off the jumper and fresh sey of bandages, resuming his nude state. Shower. He needed a shower. The sweat from yesterday had dried up on his skin, it felt sticky and disgusting. Dazai rushed into chuuyas bathroom and turned on the water, getting in as fast as he could. He didn't care if Chuuya woke up, he just wanted the feelibg to stop.
Water soon drentched Dazai's form as he stayed sitting in the shower for far too long. He should have finished this half an hour ago but the water felt soothing to his burning skin. Dazai continued to mentally shame himself until the guilt brought back the bile. This time, he couldn't swallow. There was bearly any food inside the slop that came out, only stomach acid. The water was quickly washing it all away but Dazai still staired at the liquid, panting and drooling over it. It burned and made his stomach hurt. A ringing sound found its way into Dazai's ears as he started to feel his chest sucking in and out faster and faster. Feeling his heart thump against his chest hut not being able to hear it over the grating ringing was nauseating. Dazai's mouth wouldnt close so saliva was pouring out into the water, water that was no longer soothing. It was just another stimulus that was too much for him. His tounge was drying out. His back was starting to hurt as water pounded against it. Nothing made sense. The ringing deafand him. Everything went fuzzy.
The next memories that flowed into Dazai's head where of Chuuya holding him again. He was nude, but dry. Air conditioning could be felt. Where was he? Dazai rolled over to expose more of his skin to the cool air.
"Good morning, 'Samu." Something Dazai was ready to hear, but the tone was once again gentle.
Just like how it was last night. Dazai felt guilt rush over him again, causing his stomach to hide inside his own body.
"Hey, hey, it's ok. You don't need to panic. I want to help you." Chuuya was too kind to someone like him.
Dazai didn't deserve this. Anything but this.
"Are you thirsty?" A water bottle was held uo to Dazai's lips.
He happily took the tip of it into his mouth and started sucking. Chuuya smiled, watching his lover lap up the liquid. "Thats my boy"
Cold water rushing down Dazai's throat was all he needed to be soothed right back to sleep again, he needed his rest after being so scared. Chuuya was more than happy to leave the air conditioning on and let Dazai cool off. He was more than happy to let his lover be taken care of, no matter the cost. This wasn't the first time, nor will it be the last that the two have taken care of eachothers needs while the other was in a state where they couldn't help themselves. They trusted eachother fully. All that mattered was that Dazai was ok now. He was safe right where Chuuya could see him.