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The floor is hard and unforgiving under his knees and he should probably be more worried about that, considering he's a professional athlete and this is definitely not doing him any good, but that hardly matters at the moment. All he can focus on right now is the hard, thick cock right in front of him begging for his attention.
Gavi guides the head into his mouth and has to hold back a moan, as drops of precum hit his tongue. It's not that he's particularly fond of the taste, he simply doesn't mind it if he’s honest, but knowing that Jude's already so hard and leaking for him, because of him, has him thinking this is the sweetest thing he's ever tasted. A large hand comes to the back of his head, firm and impatient, pushing him forward to take more as long fingers thread through his hair and slightly tug at it. Gavi obliges and lets himself be guided forward, relishing the familiar feeling of a fat cock filling his mouth, stretching his lips wide around the hard shaft.
He doesn't tease. The bathroom of a nightclub isn't exactly the right place for him to take his time with this, as much as he’d like to go slow and relish it. Instead, he starts bobbing his head at a steady pace right away and soon he loses himself in it, his eyes fluttering closed in pleasure.
Nothing feels like this. He's tried to convince himself that this isn't special; that any cock would do, but nothing gets him going like Jude does.
He likes the way his jaw is forced wide open as Jude feeds him his cock. He likes that Jude somehow seems to know when to let him go at his own pace and when Gavi wants to be pushed and ordered around, being firm and harsh without crossing any of Gavi's boundaries they've never even talked about- because that's simply not something they do. He likes how Jude smells, a mix of expensive cologne, clean sweat and something that's just Jude, all of it getting Gavi's cock hard in a matter of seconds. He likes how Jude feels against his tongue, the silky skin of his dick sliding smoothly in and out of his mouth, how he moans when Gavi's swallowing him down his throat, how he always kisses him and fucks him like Gavi's all he ever wanted.
It's intoxicating and Gavi has found himself getting addicted to it, no matter all the reasons why this shouldn't be happening.
It's honestly stupid he even let this happen in the first place.
Risking everything for a fucking Madrid player and making a move when he hadn't even known for sure whether or not Jude liked dick, just assuming Jude's interest in him based on a few looks.
He was obviously right, considering where they are now, months after the first time they hooked up, but it’s still fucking crazy.
He has no idea what the hell he was thinking back then and he still doesn’t know what the actual fuck he's doing now.
And if all the obvious reasons weren't enough to make him stay away, Jude having a girlfriend should have been.
It wasn't.
And it still isn't.
Otherwise he wouldn't be on his knees in a bathroom stall in a club, sucking Jude's cock when Jude was literally dancing with his girlfriend just half an hour ago.
But here he fucking is anyway.
Gavi caught himself staring at them earlier tonight, because he's apparently fucking helpless and pathetic when it comes to Jude, only that Jude had already been staring back at him and well, it didn't take them long to find their way to each other and into the toilets of the club. It never fucking does. It's like there's an invisible force between them, always drawing them together one way or another. Or at least that's what Gavi tells himself when he wonders why he still hasn't put an end to this; why he’s always seeking Jude out even when that’s the last thing he should be doing.
"Fuck," Jude groans, the raspy sound immediately drawing him out of his thoughts. "Yeah, baby, like that." He holds Gavi's head still and grinds his cock into him, until the tip hits the back of Gavi's throat, forcing him to fight off his gag reflex and breathe through his nose as he keeps hollowing his cheeks and sucking on the fat dick inside his mouth. Gavi thinks he'd let Jude do absolutely anything to him, as long as Jude keeps calling him baby. It's a terrifying thought and he'd never admit it out loud to anyone, but it's true.
He can tell Jude's getting closer and he opens his eyes, looking up at him through his eyelashes, finding Jude's gaze already fixed on him. He hates how even just that has his cock throbbing in his jeans. Jude's attention is like a drug and Gavi's definitely an addict, can never get enough, always craving more, feeling alive only when he's the center of Jude's attention like he is now.
"Gonna come. Gonna fill your pretty mouth with my cum, yeah?" Jude says, probably not really expecting a reply, because Gavi's answered that question way too many times in the past and the reply is always the same: an eager yes, sometimes followed by a please. Gavi still nods though and his eyes flutter closed as Jude pushes deeper, shoving his cock down his throat and making tears roll down his heated cheeks. "No, look at me," Jude all but orders and Gavi obeys right away, before the logical part of his brain even has time to question him.
He looks up at Jude even though his vision is blurry with tears and Jude groans his approval and moments later thick spurts of cum land on Gavi's tongue and down his throat as Jude reaches his orgasm. Gavi moans and swallows around him, milking him dry until the very last drop, his lips tightly wrapped around Jude's softening cock as Jude pulls himself out with a wet, obscene sound.
Gavi wipes his mouth and chin with the back of his hand, blinking away the last of his tears. His throat will probably be a bit sore tomorrow, but Gavi doesn’t regret even a moment of this. If anything, he relishes the soreness, always welcoming whatever reminders of their hookups Jude leaves him with after their meetings, be it bite marks or bruises or, like now, a tender throat and an aching jaw.
He doesn't get up right away though, feels his legs a bit shaky and weak and he doesn't want his knees to buckle under him when he stands up. He lies even to himself and pretends it's because he's been kneeling for a while now and not because Jude always reduces him to a trembling mess, even when all he does is fuck his mouth. So he stays there on the dirty bathroom floor, as Jude leans back against the door of the stall, panting and trying to catch his breath.
He looks satisfied, his eyes closed and his head tilted back, like he's experiencing that blissful emptiness that follows a great orgasm.
Not for the first time Gavi's tempted to speak.
He's tempted to speak and ask why the fuck does Jude always come back to him? Is it because his girlfriend simply can't suck him off like this and there's no really another reason? Or is it something else?
He doesn't say anything, of course.
He's afraid that it might ruin everything, if he actually acknowledges Jude's girlfriend. Jude never mentions her when they're together and Gavi has decided to follow his lead on this since the beginning. Like a silent agreement between them that probably helps ease the guilt they feel for what they're doing.
But that's not the only reason Gavi's afraid of asking his question.
He's also afraid that Jude will simply be honest and reply that yes, that's the reason. It's not that Gavi’s delusional and thinks that this is anything more than it is, or that he means anything to Jude, but he doesn't really want to hear Jude confirm that the only reason this keeps happening is because Gavi knows how to suck cock and Jude can fuck him whenever and however he wants. And maybe because Jude likes and respects his girlfriend too much to put her on her knees on the dirty floor of a club and shove his cock down her throat.
So yeah, Gavi knows what this is and he's there willingly - fucking enthusiastically, if he's being honest - and there's no reason to ruin that.
"Come on, get up," Jude tells him then.
Gavi does so, not surprised to realize he's still rock hard in his pants. No matter his not that pleasant thoughts, his arousal hasn't fainted. Or maybe he's fucked up and thinking about the wrongness of all of this only makes him harder.
Maybe.
He's happy to ignore all those thoughts for now however, because Jude crowds him against one of the walls of the stall and pulls him into a kiss, his hands working Gavi's jeans open. Gavi sighs when Jude's hand is finally wrapped around him, firm and large and stroking him just the way Gavi likes it. He teases the head at first that's ridiculously wet and leaking, his thumb pressing against the slit, making Gavi whimper helplessly into the kiss.
He'd much rather have Jude fuck him if he's being honest, but it's truly unfair how good even simply having Jude's hand around him feels. Gavi keeps rocking his hips and trying to fuck into Jude's first, their lips still attached into a messy kiss. It doesn't take him long to come, his moan coming out muffled by Jude's mouth.
Jude cleans them up with some toilet paper and even tucks Gavi's cock back inside his boxers and then a few seconds of awkward silence follow before Jude breaks it.
"I gotta go," he says.
Gavi wonders if she has already left or is waiting for Jude to take her home.
He just nods in reply and welcomes the kiss Jude presses to his lips, before exiting the bathroom stall. Maybe Gavi should stay there for a bit longer, avoid seeing them leave the club together.
Or maybe he should see them. He probably needs the reminder that Jude doesn't belong to him and what they have means nothing.
He ends up staying in the stall for a bit longer.
By the time he gets back to his friends, there's no sign of Jude or his girlfriend. He's both relieved and disappointed and he honestly doesn't know which one makes the least sense.
Maybe one of these days he'll be brave enough to actually end it, he lies to himself, and then smiles at the concerned look Fermín shoots him, promising he'll explain later, even though they both know he never does. He wonders for how long Fermín will let him get away with this; wonders if he actually wants Fermín to call him out on all his bullshit lately. He's not sure.
He just knows that just like with Jude he'll keep doing the cowardly thing and say nothing to change the situation until someone else forces him to.
**
They keep meeting and they keep not talking about it and things are almost good. As long as Gavi is able to ignore that little part of him that longs for more. It's almost easy to do so, when he gets to fuck Jude kind of on the regular, but then something seems to change and he can tell Jude's growing distant.
A few weeks ago Real Madrid were playing near Barcelona, which usually means he and Jude will try and find some time and hide in a hotel room or whatever and hook up. Only that this time Jude never texted him, so they didn't see each other.
Gavi did his best to not feel disappointed.
He failed.
He was certain that it meant they were finally over and he kept torturing himself with the same thoughts over and over again, wondering if he did something wrong and how he could fix it without knowing what the hell happened. He was tempted to text Jude and ask, even typed the message several times, but in the end he never sent anything, afraid of the answer he might get. And even more afraid of not getting an answer at all.
But now he thinks all that was for nothing.
It's at another nightclub they meet again.
He doesn't know why Jude has been ignoring him lately, but they're very clearly not over.
It's quite late which means most people there are drunk - or at least most definitely not sober - and the club is exclusive enough that Gavi feels brave enough to dance with another guy. He's usually more careful than that and he knows this is still risky, but he saw Jude with his girlfriend earlier and Jude was smiling at her and was pressed against her, kissing her and touching her like Gavi had never existed. Gavi desperately needed a distraction. So when the guy, whose name he never heard and doesn't even care about, approached him, Gavi didn't shut him down like he usually would.
And as it turned out it was the right choice.
Jude with his girlfriend are also dancing now, only a few sweaty bodies between the happy couple and Gavi on the dance floor.
And every time Gavi glances at them, he finds Jude's eyes fixed on him.
Fucking asshole.
Jude doesn't bother to text him like they usually do when they find themselves in each other's city, but now he has the fucking audacity to keep staring, not even trying to be subtle about it. Gavi really doesn't know how the fuck his girlfriend hasn't noticed yet.
Gavi meets Jude's gaze only for a moment, before averting his eyes again, and then he tilts his head back so he can focus on the guy he's dancing with, darting his tongue out and licking his lips invitingly. Thankfully, the guy takes the hint and leans in to kiss him, pressing their lips together.
It's nice. Nothing mind-blowing and he's also quite sure that the main reason his cock is swelling up in his pants is because Jude's most likely watching them right now, but yeah, whatever. He still kisses back, parting his lips eagerly, sucking on the guy's tongue when he deepens the kiss. It's been a while since he hooked up with anyone that's not Jude and he's not sure how to feel about this. The guy's touching every part of his body like he owns it. It feels right when Jude does it, but right now it kind of makes Gavi want to pull away.
Which he does after a bit, breaking the kiss just in time to see Jude walking away from the dance floor, sitting on one of the couches in the VIP area on his own, no girlfriend in sight. He has his phone in his hand, looking completely focused on it as he seems to be typing something. Gavi tries not to grin too widely when a few seconds later he feels his phone vibrate with a new text in his pocket. He ignores it. He refuses to seem too eager.
He's not.
His resolution lasts just a couple of minutes and he gives his dancing partner an apologetic smile, before slightly pulling away to check his new notification that's indeed a message from Jude.
From: Jude
Bathroom in 10?
To: Jude
I can't
Kinda busy having fun rn
He puts his phone back in the front pocket of his jeans and tries to focus on dancing and basically grinding against, uh... fuck, he should probably ask the guy's name, shouldn't he? That will make him seem like a dick, though. Not that it wouldn't be the truth.
Gavi ignores the next couple of notifications, not even bothering to reach and check his phone.
He doesn't need Jude to have fun. This is fine. Fun even. Okay, kind of. Anyway, it’s good enough.
He frowns when he sees Jude very clearly heading to the exit of the club and then just leaving, disappearing from Gavi's field of view. Because obviously he doesn't give a fuck that they're not going to meet, just like he didn’t care a few weeks ago when he was in Barcelona. If he wants to get his dick wet, he has a girlfriend anyway. What does he need Gavi for, right?
Gavi once again feels like an idiot for being disappointed. And for playing hard to get, delusionally thinking Jude would care- and then do what exactly? Beg Gavi to meet him? Gavi has to stop himself from rolling his eyes at his own stupidity. He really believed Jude would try harder for them, when Jude has never given him absolutely no reason to believe that. He just hoped Jude wanted to see him as bad as Gavi did.
Clearly that's not the case.
He decides there's no point in continuing putting on this little show anymore now that Jude isn't there to watch it and mumbles something about having to go back to his friends, leaving before the guy gets to reply.
He's almost back at their table when he finally reaches for his phone to check Jude's texts, not sure what to expect.
From: Jude
Ok
My place then in half an hour
Find an excuse and leave, i don't give a fuck
Don't be late
Gavi scowls at the texts, even as his heart flutters excitedly at the words; at knowing that Jude still wants to see him.
But fuck him for thinking Gavi will just drop everything and do whatever Jude tells him to do.
And also fuck him for being one hundred percent right.
Jude welcomes him inside his house with a filthy, desperate kiss, pressing Gavi against the nearest wall the moment the door is shut behind him.
It's fucking ridiculous how much Gavi has missed this- has missed Jude.
He can't hold back a moan as Jude licks into his mouth and brings their hips together, letting Gavi feel him getting hard.
"Who was that?" Jude asks when they pull away, moving back just enough so he can glare at Gavi, his jaw set, his eyes serious and dark and annoyingly beautiful even now. Or maybe, especially now.
It's hot - unfortunately for Gavi, he finds pretty much anything Jude does hot, so this doesn't say much - but Gavi can't help laughing at the sheer audacity of him, being possessive while having an actual girlfriend.
It's almost fucking hilarious.
Or at least it would be hilarious and not depressingly sad, if Gavi didn't crave this; didn't crave the possessiveness; didn't love it when Jude acted like that, as if he's really Jude's. As if Jude's truly his.
Only that it couldn't be further from the truth.
Still, sometimes Gavi can pretend.
He can pretend that he's not just a fucktoy for a guy that's already taken and that this thing between them actually means something. He almost manages to make himself truly believe it when Jude acts like this; when he makes it so obvious how bad he wants Gavi.
And it's fucking addictive. The high of being wanted by Jude even in this way is so fucking good, like nothing Gavi's ever felt before.
He wants to keep Jude's attention to himself forever.
Jude's good at keeping his emotions in control, only letting Gavi see very few things, but his jealousy, his possessiveness are things he can't hide and Gavi revels in it every time something like this happens.
"Who?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing innocently in false confusion.
Jude exhales impatiently. "That fucking guy you were rubbing yourself all over at the club. Looked like you were about to bend over and let him fuck you right there." Gavi snorts. There was barely any grinding involved. Jude's being so dramatic. "I guess you don't care anymore about people finding out you like dick, huh."
Gavi rolls his eyes, trying his best to appear casual, like this is boring him. Like his skin doesn't feel like it's on fire just from having Jude's big hands resting on his hips, gripping him firmly, his eyes dark with possessiveness, sending a thrill through Gavi’s body. "It was just some guy. Might meet him afterwards," he replies. It's obviously a lie. He doesn't have the guy's name or phone number or anything. Even if he did, the only person Gavi's interested in is unfortunately the boy right before him.
Said boy glares at him now, his grip on Gavi's sides growing firmer. "Fuck off. No, you fucking won't. Are you really such a desperate slut you'd open your legs for anyone that gives you a little attention?"
Gavi's only ever easy for Jude, but he keeps that to himself. "Come on, Jude, don't be like that. Perhaps I'll just need some good dicking after we're done here," he says, way too casually, ignoring the little voice in his head reminding him that no one fucks him as good as Jude does.
Jude doesn't need to know that.
The words elicit a noise from deep in Jude's throat. A fucking growl more like and it goes straight to Gavi's cock that's fully hard now, nudging persistently against Jude's hip as Jude presses him firmly against the wall again. "Or maybe I'll fuck you so good and hard you won't even be able to walk afterwards. How about that, sweetheart?" Jude loves using pet names - baby, sweetheart, love, or whatever else comes to him at that moment - and while they're usually mostly sarcastic and they definitely don’t mean anything, Gavi still likes them; they still make his treacherous heart flutter happily in his chest.
"I mean, sure. You can try," Gavi says indifferently, shrugging his shoulder, as if his cock isn't so hard right now that it's physically aching for some friction and relief.
Jude keeps his word.
Gavi was expecting nothing less.
Jude takes him upstairs to his bedroom, removing Gavi's clothes hastily before putting him on his hands and knees, prepping him quickly with two slick fingers.
He doesn't waste any time taking his own clothes off, pushes his shorts and boxers down, just low enough to free his hard cock and rolls a condom on it, before lining himself up with Gavi's wet hole and thrusting inside him with one swift motion.
Gavi knows by now that trying to hold back his sounds when Jude fucks him is pointless, so he doesn't even bother. He moans and whines and pants heavily as Jude pounds into him, drawing all kinds of embarrassing, needy noises from him.
Jude's rougher than usual as he rams his cock into him, like he's trying to punish Gavi or teach him a lesson. It's been a while since they met, which means Gavi hasn't been fucked recently and it hurts so fucking good, Gavi never wants this to end.
Jude fucks him relentlessly and doesn't stop touching him the whole time, his hands everywhere on Gavi's body, just like he never stops speaking even when he's balls deep inside Gavi- or maybe, especially then; 'This good enough for you, love?' and 'Bet no one can give it to you like I do' and ’Holy fuck, baby, look how eager you are. The fucking noises you make. Yeah, that's it, Pablo, moan for my cock.'
And Gavi welcomes it all, always taking whatever Jude wants to give him, even though he knows it's dangerous.
Every time they meet Jude takes him apart, piece by piece, and even though Jude puts him back together afterwards, it always feels like he's keeping a piece of Gavi for himself. Gavi wonders how many more times he can do this; how many more pieces he can give away to Jude, while he keeps getting nothing in return. Not that the answer matters, he supposes. He'll stop this only if Jude breaks things off or when there's nothing else left for Gavi to give him.
Otherwise he’ll always keep coming back, even if it’s ruining him.
Jude pulls out right before he's done and removes the condom and Gavi looks back at him over his shoulder, watching Jude jerk himself off before spilling his load all over Gavi's ass and back. It should be disgusting or humiliating or whatever, but it only manages to turn Gavi on even more. He can feel the hot drops of Jude's cum on his skin, dripping down his ass and his thighs. It makes him feel marked, claimed, owned. It only takes him a few strokes to reach his own orgasm, his body clenching around the two fingers Jude has pushed inside his thoroughly used hole.
Usually, they don't stay long at each other's house when they're done. Jude always makes sure to leave almost right away - which admittedly feels like fucking shit, like Gavi's just a whore Jude gets to fuck whenever he wants, the only thing missing being his payment left on the nightstand - but no matter how much Gavi hates it, he follows Jude's lead, not wanting it to seem like he's asking for more than Jude's willing to give him.
Tonight, though, he doesn't rush himself. Jude promised him to fuck him until he can't walk and that's pretty much how Gavi feels right now. His body is heavy, melting into the mattress, and his legs are still shaking. His breathing is back to normal, but his heart hasn't stopped pounding in his chest.
Jude disappears downstairs for a minute or two and Gavi wonders if he should translate that to time to get the fuck out, but then Jude comes back holding two bottles of water, throwing one to Gavi when their eyes meet.
"Thanks," he mumbles, feeling pathetic that even that simple act of kindness - if it can even be considered that - has his racing heart stuttering for a moment.
Jude shrugs in reply and brings his own bottle to his mouth, almost finishing it in one go. Gavi pretends he's busy opening the cup of his own bottle, his eyes fixed on Jude. They've fucked so many times and yet Gavi has barely had the chance to actually look at Jude. Which is truly a pity, because Jude's fucking gorgeous.
He's bigger than he was when they started this; his shoulders broader, his arms bigger, his legs looking even stronger after just a season in Madrid. He looks older too, the angles of his face sharper, the beard along his jawline fuller. Gavi likes it; he can gain muscle too - and he has, especially since this summer - but he still feels like he looks like a baby. Perhaps it's his height or the Bambi eyes his friends tease him about sometimes. He doesn’t know and he doesn’t really care, especially if Jude continues to call him pretty and beautiful and all that nice things he says, only when they fuck of course. And anyway that hardly matters. Right now Gavi just wants to take a moment or two, or even longer than that if he can, and allow himself to enjoy the view before him.
He doesn't apologize or find any excuse to explain himself, when he's caught staring, his eyes having settled lower on Jude's soft, plump cock that's hanging between muscular thighs. He's allowed to ride it, but not look at it? Nah, fuck that. Jude clears his throat awkwardly and Gavi finally averts his gaze and drinks some of his water, before climbing off the bed.
"I'm gonna take a shower," he simply announces and disappears into the ensuite bathroom. He's usually fine with showering back at his hotel, but Jude's made a complete mess of him, so he's going to shower there, whether that's allowed according to their little arrangement or not.
He wonders if he will smell like Jude afterwards, like that nice soap he uses that always makes Gavi want to nose at his skin and breathe him in.
He kind of hopes he will; he hopes the scent lingers on him even after he’s gone back to his hotel room.
He calls a car to drive him back once he's dressed and ready to go. Jude stops him before he can exit the bedroom and surprises him by pulling him into a kiss, deep and hungry and lingering.
Kissing that doesn't actually lead anywhere isn't really their thing, but Gavi gets over his confusion and surprise rather quickly and kisses Jude back.
Jude cups his face and keeps kissing him for longer than Gavi even dared to hope for, his lips tingling by the time they pull away. It almost feels like Jude can’t let go of him. Like he's asking him to stay.
Jude never says the words though and perhaps it's not even what he wants and it's simply all Gavi's imagination and wishful thinking, so Gavi leaves, going back to his hotel room and spending another night feeling empty and alone and like something - someone - is missing.
**
Gavi hates how much more excited he feels for away games when they play in Madrid, but he can't help it. He's even kind of accepted it by now. He might not like it, but that's simply how things are. He wants to see Jude and no matter how hard he tries to convince himself he still feels all casual about this, he fails.
It should probably worry him a lot more, considering Jude doesn't want him like that and he's also still very much in a relationship with another person, but even if he can't really have Jude the way he wishes he could, Jude still wants him, even if it's just for fucking, so this should be enough.
He assumes that after their last encounter when Jude fucked his brains out and then even kissed him goodbye, they’re back to normal, despite the way Jude was very obviously keeping his distance from him before that. Which means that since Gavi's the one going to Madrid, according to their silent agreement he's supposed to be the one to send the text and confirm they're meeting later tonight. So, understandably he finds it quite weird when Jude breaks their little unspoken rule and texts him about it first.
From: Jude
I'll be home after 10
Gavi shrugs the weirdness of this off and sends back a thumbs up, hoping Jude’s just eager to see him.
They haven’t met in a couple of weeks but they texted a little since the last time they hooked up. Well, it was mostly sexting, but it's still something. Gavi quite liked it. Especially when Jude would send him pictures of himself, shirtless or with even less clothes. It felt like they were having weeks of foreplay and Gavi's now ready to get to the main event.
Only that when he gets there, Jude's fully dressed and doesn't pin him to the wall to kiss him like he usually does and he also heads to the living room instead of the bedroom. They've fucked on the couch before, but Gavi doesn't think that this is what's going on right now.
He has no idea what's happening, but there's definitely something wrong. It makes his stomach clench uncomfortably, his heartbeat growing faster as he tries to guess what might be the problem, wondering if he somehow fucked this up and didn't even realize.
Jude doesn't leave him to wonder for too long and Gavi's worries are confirmed almost the moment they settle on the couch.
"We can't keep doing this. We have to stop," he says and for a second Gavi feels like he can't breathe. He knew something was wrong and yet he still wasn't prepared to hear those words. "She's, uh, she's suspecting that something's going on and I can't risk her finding out, you know how it is. If this gets out..." he trails off, frowning and shaking his head, probably imagining how fucking bad it would be if that actually ever happened. "I know you don't want that either."
It's funny how Gavi worried about how many more pieces of himself he can give to Jude and still make it out of this alive, when Jude was planning to completely break all of them anyway.
"Okay," he replies. His eyes are burning and he clenches his jaw as hard as he can, trying to stop the tears that threaten to escape and fall down his cheeks. He has to at least keep his pride intact. He has to. He's not going to humiliate himself in front of Jude.
Jude looks almost disappointed with his answer, like he was hoping Gavi would object. Well, if Jude's waiting for him to argue and beg, he'll be waiting for a very long time, because it's not going to happen. Gavi obviously doesn't have much pride and dignity, considering he's been fine fucking a guy who has a girlfriend for several months now, but he refuses to stoop even lower for this.
"Okay," Jude says after a long moment, giving a single nod.
Gavi swallows past the lump forming in his throat, now anger joining the hurt he's feeling. "So, I guess I came all the way here for nothing. You could have just texted me about this and saved me the fucking trouble."
"I thought-- I don't know. I guess I thought that telling you about this in person was the right thing to do."
"Why? It's not like we had something serious. This didn't mean anything," he says with a casual shrug. He hopes his eyes don't betray how much he doesn't mean this. He hopes his words hurt Jude even just a little.
Jude flinches at that last sentence. Good enough.
The satisfaction lasts only for a few seconds. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry. I shouldn't have brought you all the way here, when I wasn't planning to fuck you," he says, sounding almost angry; mean. Like he's saying that's all Gavi's good for. Like Gavi's a slut who's only interested in getting fucked.
And Gavi thought Jude couldn't hurt him even more.
He mumbles a 'yeah, whatever, bye' and only barely manages to leave the house, before the tears finally spill.
He manages to stop just enough for the ride back to his hotel and sends Fermín a quick text to see if he's awake and alone in his room. Thankfully, Fermín replies yes to both, so Gavi heads straight to his room when he arrives at the hotel.
He throws himself at Fermín the moment his friend opens the door, wrapping his arms around him in a desperately tight hug.
"Woah, Gavito, what's going on?" He asks, his voice laced with obvious concern. He shuts the door closed and heads to the bed. Gavi doesn't let go of him even as Fermín takes a seat on the mattress, his back resting on the headboard. "Talk to me, Pablo. You're worrying me. Did something happen? Is everything okay?"
"Y- yeah," Gavi says, or tries to, but the word ends in a sob and he can't hold back anymore. He clings to Fermín even harder, hiding his face into the crook of Fermín's neck as he cries, seeking comfort in Fermín's soft words and touches, relishing the weight of Fermín's hand on his back as he strokes up and down his spine in a soothing motion.
He wants to tell Fermín about it, but he feels ashamed and he's also hurting too much right now to put all this into words, so he doesn't even bother trying.
He keeps crying for a long time and Fermín keeps holding him, until exhaustion finally catches up with Gavi and he ends up crying himself to sleep.
He's not ready to speak about it the next morning either. He promises Fermín he'll tell him everything soon and he must be looking pathetic enough for Fermín to take pity on him and not insist on an explanation. He also cuddles Gavi the whole time during their flight back to Barcelona and it helps a little. It feels like he desperately needs someone to hold his broken pieces together when he’s currently unable to do so himself and while he knows he'll have to deal with this eventually, for now he lets himself have at least this.
**
Gavi does his best to move on.
Which mostly means he fucks around with random guys. A lot more than he has ever had before. He's probably not being as safe and discreet as he should and he's definitely risking his whole life and career just to manage to distract himself from his own thoughts, but he doesn't know what else to do; how else to deal with this.
He thinks it’d be easier for him to move on, if Jude breaking things off hadn’t come almost out of nowhere. If at least Gavi had known that that time after the club was going to be their last, he’d make sure to relish it more. He might have even stayed the night- the lack of invitation from Jude wouldn’t have even mattered if he knew that that was the last time he was ever going to have Jude in any way. It would probably have completely ruined him, getting to know how it is to spend the night with Jude, only to never experience it again, but Gavi’s sure it would have been worth it.
Obviously he can’t do anything about that now.
And he still hasn't explained to Fermín what happened, not ready to talk about it with anyone yet. The wound is too fresh and he's also quite ashamed of what he let happen between him and Jude, so he keeps the whole thing a secret. He's quite sure it would help if he actually talked to someone about it, but still he refuses to do so.
Fermín knows Gavi's gay, but he definitely doesn't know that Gavi had been seeing a Madrid player for months and even worse that he’d been seeing someone who was in a relationship with another person the whole fucking time. He knows Fermín's a good friend and would try to support Gavi no matter what, but even the slight possibility of Fermín judging him and looking at him differently after Gavi tells him everything, stops him from talking about it. Gavi’s judging himself enough already, he doesn’t think he can handle more of that, especially coming from his best friend.
Perhaps when he'll at least not care about it that much, it'll be easier to talk about it.
For now though he just does his best to avoid Fermín's questions and only answers vaguely enough to get him to stop worrying, reassuring him he’s doing fine, even though he very obviously isn’t.
Things get a little better, easier, after some time, especially when instead of hooking up with random guys every couple of weeks, he starts seeing the same guy for a while. His name is David and he's a friend of a friend of a friend or whatever and it's quite casual, but it's not horrible.
It's almost nice actually.
They can't go out on dates or anything, obviously, and they have to be extra careful about their interactions even when they’re with their friends, but it's not bad. It's not like Gavi didn't already know what being a gay professional footballer meant, so this is admittedly even more than what he hoped he could have just a couple of years ago.
So yeah, this isn't bad at all. Gavi likes him. He's hot and a bit bigger than him and can manhandle Gavi when he fucks him, which is fun. Gavi catches himself comparing him to Jude a lot more than he'd like - and he likes it even less that he always finds the guy he's supposed to be interested in lacking compared to Jude - but of course it couldn't be that easy to move on. He was in too deep. He still is.
Still, this is good enough. Gavi tries to be more invested in this- in him, but he knows in reality this isn't about David. It's about what David can give him. It's about Gavi needing to feel wanted again. Like he matters. Like he's worth something.
His touches don't feel the same as Jude used to feel; they don't make his whole body shudder and melt and ache to be touched by him everywhere, but they do feel good and there's usually also some cuddling involved after they've done, so that's new and actually quite nice. Much easier to do that with someone when neither of you has a girlfriend waiting for your text or call or whatever.
So, yeah, things are going kind of well.
If only Jude would stop texting him.
Gavi could block his number of course, but he's just not strong enough to do that. Not yet. Hopefully though he’ll be able to do it soon.
He knows that every time Jude sends him a message it immediately takes him two steps back in his progress, when moving one step forward feels almost impossible and requires a ridiculous amount of effort, so this is definitely not helping with his whole moving on plan, but he still can't put a stop to it.
It's been weeks since they last saw each other and Jude still texts him every few days. Gavi's kind of come to expect them now, feeling a rush of anticipation inside him when it's been a couple of days and he hasn't heard from Jude.
Sometimes it's just a 'hey' and that alone is more than enough to have Gavi's heart racing in his chest, but other times it's I miss you and thinking about you and I'm in Barcelona and Gavi doesn't answer to any of them, but he spends a ridiculous amount of time thinking about them and staring at their chat and sort of hoping Jude would say or do something that would make Gavi feel like he could forgive him for all of this and they could get back together.
But that never happens and Gavi has to accept that they're done for real and he truly has to move on. He decides to try a bit harder for his current relationship - or whatever this is; they haven’t quite talked about it, but maybe they should soon - and actually give this a chance. He starts spending the night at David's house sometimes and they meet more often and Gavi likes it and he thinks he can eventually learn to be satisfied and happy with this, with being with David, without feeling like something is missing. Maybe they can even be actual boyfriends after a while, who knows.
They're at David's house again, lying naked in bed, and Gavi feels relaxed, satisfied. He doesn't know if it's his post-orgasm brain talking, but for the first time in a long while, he feels hopeful. This is good. He likes it.
He's been thinking about asking David if he'd like to come watch a match and they're actually playing at home this weekend, so this might be the perfect opportunity. David isn't a big football fan, which Gavi can't even fathom, considering football is his whole life, but he guesses it's better than David being a creepy stalker-fan or something, so he’s more than fine with this.
He shifts on the bed and shuffles closer to David, who's busy doing something on his phone. Gavi snuggles up to him, wondering if now is a good time to bring up the invitation to his next match.
David startles him out of his thoughts when he clears his throat, sitting up on the bed, despite Gavi's head resting on his shoulder.
"What's up? Do you have to go somewhere? Should I get going?"
David shakes his head, but without quite saying yes or no and there's a frown forming between his eyebrows. Gavi sits up as well, waiting for an explanation.
It comes just a few seconds later. "I think we should stop seeing each other," David says and Gavi's lips slightly part in surprise.
"Oh," is all he can bring himself to say, still processing the words.
"Hey, no, listen. I like you, yeah, it's just that..." He trails off and shrugs his shoulders, seeming to be searching for the right words. "I guess this is just not worth the trouble, you know. All the hiding and stuff. It's fucking exhausting."
"Right," Gavi says and gets up, moving mechanically as he starts gathering his things and getting dressed. "Yeah, okay, man, sure."
David nods and gives him a smile, like he's saying 'no hard feelings', as if he's the one that's just gotten dumped.
Gavi ignores it, heading to the front door the moment he's done getting dressed, and slips his shoes on, not bothering with the laces before leaving. He just moves, needing to get home, grateful that he at least has his car there and can just drive to his house right away.
The first tears escape him the second he closes his front door behind him and once they start, there's no stopping them, and soon he's crying in earnest, which doesn't make sense because as hard as he tried to convince himself that he was fine, or even happy with David, he didn't even care about his relationship with him, not really. Sure, the rejection hurts, but he doesn't think it's David he's sad about.
It's just his words that Gavi keeps replaying in his head over and over again and it makes him realize some things.
Because no wonder Jude broke things off between them. Why would Jude ever want anything more than what they had with him? Gavi's clearly not worth the risk, the trouble. He's too much work, too little reward. With his girlfriend, Jude doesn't have to hide or worry about their relationship ending his career. It can all be nice and easy and just everything Gavi can't give him.
He sends Fermín a text, asking him to come over. Fermín replies rather quickly.
From: Fermín
Everything okay?
To: Fermín
Not really. Sorry
But I'm finally ready to tell you all about how big of an idiot I am
If you're not doing anything
It's okay if you can't come. I'm fine I swear sorry
Just come over whenever you can it's okay
Okay yes, he's not fine, but he also doesn't want Fermín to feel like he doesn't have a choice and he absolutely has to drop everything else just to come over. Fermín never makes him feel like a burden, but right now it's not easy to remember that.
Thankfully Fermín simply texts him 'i'll be there in 15' and Gavi relaxes a little, waiting impatiently for the minutes to pass.
Fermín hugs him the moment he gets there and this time Gavi tells him everything. His friend deserves to know the truth after comforting him and being there for him so many times because of this and also right now Gavi wants- no , he needs to talk about it.
There's a lot of crying involved - from Gavi's side - and hair petting - from Fermín's side, because he's an amazing friend and knows what soothes Gavi - and then there are also a lot of candies and cuddles and Fermín calling Jude every curse he knows, making Gavi smile just a little.
Gavi has to admit he feels much lighter afterwards. This is still all shit, but the heavy weight in his chest that was making it hard for him to breathe has disappeared.
Fermín also tells him that while he one hundred percent agrees that Jude is a huge asshole for what he did, he doesn't think he broke things off for the same reason as David did, despite what Gavi tells him, explaining how Jude clearly also thought he wasn’t worth the effort. Fermín says that with both Gavi and Jude being footballers, it makes their situation a lot more complicated and it would be easy to get scared of what might happen if anyone found out, which doesn’t sound completely unlikely, considering what Jude said about his girlfriend possibly suspecting something.
Gavi thinks about that a lot afterwards. He doesn't know if Fermín's right and he probably never will and maybe this is still Fermín trying to comfort him, but it soothes something inside Gavi and he decides to cling to it for as long as he can. Maybe Jude really just got scared and was too afraid to continue sneaking around. Maybe the reason Jude ended things between them wasn’t that Gavi wasn’t good enough to keep him.
Not that Gavi ever really had him, but Fermín’s words and just simply knowing that his best friend is there for him if Gavi needed him still help a lot and manage to give him the necessary push he desperately needed so he can at least keep trying.
**
Unfortunately, but not really surprisingly, the weeks that follow are quite shitty. He knows it's David who dumped him this time, but it's like he's experiencing Jude's rejection all over again and whatever progress he thought he had made is now completely gone.
He thinks about Jude a lot. Definitely more than he should and definitely a lot more than he'd like. He's just grateful it hasn't affected his game, because at this point that's all he has. If he starts fucking this up as well, he doesn't know what he'll do. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet.
He pushes himself even harder than he usually would during training, because it’s the only distraction that actually works, but he can only train for so many hours a day before his body starts begging him to finally rest, which still leaves him with way too much time to obsess over and think about Jude.
Jude, who hasn't even texted him in weeks. Gavi knew the messages would stop coming at some point, especially since Gavi never even answered to any of them, but he didn't think it'd be so soon.
Closest to an interaction between them lately was an interview Jude did a couple of days ago, where he casually said he was keeping for himself a couple of football cards - because they're shiny, which reluctantly Gavi found rather cute - and Gavi's card was among them. And okay that probably meant absolutely nothing, but when you play for Madrid you're supposed to ignore anything Barça, and vice versa, especially considering he and Jude aren't even in the same national team or anything, so this wasn't something that went unnoticed, by the fans, or Gavi.
Which, he's fully aware, is really pathetic, but it's not like he could help how his heartbeat stuttered when he saw the clip on tiktok. The fact he absolutely misses Jude and his handsome face and his stupid accent that's only hot because it's him didn't help either.
And things have only gotten worse since he realized the next Clasico is a couple of weeks away. Gavi's dreading it and is excited and looking forward to it and is also absolutely not ready for any of this, all at the same time.
He wonders if Jude's planning to just ignore him. Or if he'll simply be perfectly professional, like he and Gavi never happened. Gavi doesn't know which one will hurt the most.
Jude does neither.
He approaches Gavi on the pitch before the match, taking slow steps toward him, as if he's trying to make sure that Gavi has enough time to avoid this if he'd like.
Gavi doesn't move. Mainly because he thinks that if he actually tried to make his legs move, they'd only take him closer to Jude, so he stays where he is. It's safer that way. Or maybe it isn't, because a few moments later Jude's standing right in front of him.
There's a small smile on his face and Gavi's quite sure that to anyone who doesn't know him Jude looks relaxed and polite right now. Gavi can see the strain in his jaw, the intensity of his dark eyes as they meet Gavi's. Gavi's not sure what it all means, but it makes it a bit difficult for him to breathe, the proximity between them causing his whole body to tense.
They haven’t seen each other in months and whatever Gavi thought he was going to feel when he finally saw Jude again, the reality is much worse; a lot more overwhelming. He knew he missed Jude, but it’s not until this very moment when everything inside him is begging him to just close the distance between them and let Jude wrap him tightly in his arms that he realizes just how fucking bad he’s missed him. Gavi feels alive again, like these last couple of months have been a terrible dream where he’s barely been a shadow of himself and now that Jude’s there with him he can start living again.
He has to remind himself that Jude’s most definitely not with him, no matter how warm and fuzzy Jude’s presence makes his insides feel.
"Hey," Jude says, starting to move as if he wants to take another step closer to Gavi, before stopping himself. Which is a good thing because they have an audience of thousands of people and this is probably weird enough as it is.
"Hey.”
"How have you been?'
"Fine. All good," Gavi says with a casual shrug, like his heart isn't currently trying to beat out of his chest. "You?"
Jude's staring at him and it takes him a couple of seconds to nod and finally reply, thankfully remembering to bring his hand over his mouth so people can't see what they're talking about. Not that they're saying anything weird or suspicious, but you can never be too safe. Especially when you actually have something to hide, even if that something belongs in the past. "Uh. Yeah, same."
Jude doesn't really sound okay, but that's none of Gavi's business. It's not his place to worry and care and ask Jude what's wrong. So he stays silent, only nodding in reply.
"It's good to see you again. It's been a while," Jude says when he realizes Gavi isn't planning to offer an actual reply. "I missed you."
Fuck.
And Gavi was just thinking that this was going well and that he could handle it.
Now he can feel his hands shaking and his knees going weak, his heart beating like he's already played ninety minutes.
"I- I should go," he says, sounding breathless, his voice coming out a lot less steady than he'd like it.
"Fuck," Jude says, almost too quiet for Gavi to hear it, and this time he does take a step closer to him. "Sorry. I should have found you after the match. Not trying to play mind games here or anything, I swear. I just didn't know if I'd have the chance to talk to you afterwards, so I just-" he stops, letting out a sigh. "Sorry."
Gavi doesn't know what to say or what the fuck this means. Or if it even means anything at all. He believes it that Jude isn't trying to fuck with his head, but this is definitely not helping him get ready for the match. He nods, worrying his lower lip with his teeth, pretending he doesn't notice when Jude's gaze flicks down to his mouth.
"I, uh, I have to go. Bye, Jude." He leaves before Jude has a chance to say anything. Is it weird that Gavi has missed how Jude's name tastes on his lips when they talk?
He shakes his head and runs back to his teammates. They have a match to win.
Gavi's responsible for marking Jude again. And while he's completely focused on the game, he catches himself playing rougher than usual, wanting to press himself against Jude every chance he gets. It's him so no one bats an eye and besides, Jude’s giving as good as he's getting, so he's quite sure to anyone else they just seem passionate- about the game, not each other. It feels good to be able to touch Jude again after all this time, even under these circumstances, but he doesn't let it distract him from the game.
The match ends in a draw, which is fucking stupid and annoying, because he can't really be happy or sad about it, which leaves him just thinking about Jude.
Fermín approaches him after they shower, taking a seat next to him, fixing him with a clearly expectant look.
"Nothing happened," he says, certain that his friend saw him and Jude talking earlier before the match. Fermín doesn't look convinced, raising an eyebrow at him. It's unfair how well Fermín knows him, but at the same time Gavi wants to talk about it, so he gives in. "He asked how I'd been. Said he missed me."
"Yeah, well, whose fault is that?" Fermín says, tone sharper. He's right of course, but it still makes Gavi pout. The conversation, the game, the way Jude was looking at him, it all made him stupidly hope for something. He's not ready for Fermín to bring him back to reality, even if he knows that his friend only wants what's best for him.
Fermín lets out a long-suffering sigh. "The guys were gossiping earlier," he says, looking like he's not sure if it's a good idea to tell Gavi about this or not. Gavi frowns, not understanding where this is going. The guys are always gossiping, Gavi included, what's new about this? "They were talking about Bellingham and his shitty performances lately. And I'm pretty sure someone said that it's because he and his girlfriend broke up."
"Oh."
His brain is still trying to process the information, even as his heart starts beating like crazy in his chest.
"I don't really know if it's true or not. Fuck, Gavito, I probably shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry. I don't know-"
"No, Fer, hey. It's fine," Gavi reassures him. Yes, if it's not true it'll fuck him up all over again, but maybe it's still worth it just for these few minutes he feels hope bloom inside him, making his chest feel all nice and warm.
"You deserve so much better. But you've also been so fucking sad since things ended between you two," Fermín says with a sigh. He looks like this has been bothering him a lot and Gavi feels his stomach clench with guilt. He likes it when his friends care and worry about him, but not like this. He doesn't want to be the cause of Fermín's distress. "I just want you to be happy."
"Yeah, I know, Fer," he says softly and wraps him in a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He's glad most of the guys have already left, they probably look really silly right now.
"You gonna be okay?" Fermín asks him once they pull away and Gavi nods.
"Yeah," he says with a lot more confidence than he feels. He hopes it sounds at least a little convincing. "If he texts me tonight, I'm gonna answer. Please, don't be mad at me. Please," he says, already having decided on it, and thankfully Fermín can see that and doesn't try to change his mind. They both know it'd be pointless, anyway.
"Don't let him hurt you again, okay?"
Gavi nods. He'll do his best.
Gavi feels like a fucking idiot for saying that to Fermín, because hours pass and there's still no text from Jude. It turns out Fermín had no reason to worry, after all. Clearly Jude saying he missed him didn't mean much. Or perhaps he didn't miss Gavi enough to text him.
Either way, this is embarrassing. A few words from Jude and Gavi’s ready to run back to him, spending hours glued to his phone, checking their chat just in case the notifications weren't working. And all that for nothing.
It's midnight by the time he finally decides to give up and stop hoping for a message. He puts his phone on silent and abandons it on the bedside table, settling under the covers on his bed.
Thankfully, he's tired enough that his brain doesn’t torture him with thoughts about Jude and he doesn't have to stay awake struggling to fall asleep for too long.
Gavi blinks awake, frowning as he tries to look around the dark room, wondering what the fuck woke him up. His frown deepens when he realizes there's someone pounding at his door, before ringing the bell, clearly determined to wake Gavi.
It's not many people that have the code for the gate of his house, which means whoever is at his door is most likely a teammate or a friend or something. He doesn't bother grabbing a pair of pants as he drags his feet across the hall and downstairs, feeling shivers rise over his flesh now that he's not curled up in his blanket, the cool air of the night hitting his bare skin as he makes his way to the door, his boxers and the thin t-shirt he’s wearing not covering much, doing a horrible job keeping him warm.
He ignores the cold and quickly reaches the front door at last, rubbing the last of his sleepiness off his eyes as he unlocks.
He suddenly feels perfectly awake when his eyes land on Jude, his brain trying to process what's happening and understand why the fuck Jude is even there. For a moment he wonders if he’s actually still asleep and this is a dream.
It only takes him a few seconds to realize Jude's drunk.
Fuck. What is this?
"What are you doing here, Bellingham?" He asks, making sure his voice comes out sharp, distant. He hasn't called him Bellingham since the first months they started hooking up.
Yes, Gavi was hoping for a text from Jude, but that doesn't mean Jude has the right to appear at his house in the middle of the night after everything.
"Did it really mean nothing to you?" Jude asks, sounding tired and defeated and sad. "Was I that easy to replace? Just someone with a dick that happened to be around?"
"What the hell, Jude? Are you fucking kidding me, right now?" If Jude came over, wanting to piss Gavi off, then his visit is definitely a fucking success. "You're the one that ended it, asshole."
"Yeah, and you didn't give a shit," he says, sounding just as pissed off, but the anger in his voice lasts only for a moment and then he just looks and sounds sad again. "I thought you'd fight for us. You always do, Pablo, you're always brave like that- you always fight for what you want. I guess you didn't want me." There are tears gathering in Jude's eyes now. All this time Gavi thought it'd be satisfying in a way to see Jude suffering because of this as well, but right now all he can feel is tired and sad and heartbroken. This isn't satisfying at all. It just feels like fucking shit.
"I can't do this, Jude. Definitely not right now."
"Please, Pablo. I want you," Jude says, his tone terribly pleading and earnest, and Gavi tries his best to not react. "Please."
Jude's drunk. As honest as he sounds now, he might regret everything when he’s sober and realizes what he said.
Still, Gavi can't throw him out- okay, maybe he could, but it doesn't feel right.
He sighs and finally moves to the side to let Jude walk inside. They can't keep talking at the doorway, anyway. It's quite chilly outside and Gavi's shivering at this point. Jude, the idiot, for some reason is wearing just a shirt, no jacket or coat or anything, and while he doesn't seem to be shivering or anything, it can't be that comfortable.
"Come on, you need water," he says, making his invitation clearer, since Jude is still standing right outside the door.
"No. I need you," he argues, but gets in at last, letting Gavi close the door behind them and lock.
"I really don't want to talk to you about any of that when you're like this, Jude. It’s not fucking fair to me. You’re saying all that now but you probably won't even remember any of it tomorrow and I'll be left feeling like shit again," Gavi says, already making his way to the kitchen, assuming Jude will follow him.
"No, I will. I'll remember everything, I promise. I mean this, Pablo," Jude insists and Gavi turns to look at him once they're in the kitchen, fixing him with a warning look.
"Don't make me regret letting you in."
Jude's eyes get all sad and his shoulders slump down. Like an overgrown puppy. It's unfairly cute and tugs at something inside Gavi's chest, but he does his best to ignore it.
"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll stop. We can talk about something else. Or… I don’t know. What do you wanna do?"
"Nothing, Jude. Take this," Gavi tells him, handing him a bottle of water. "Now, let's get you to bed."
Jude dutifully follows him again, walking by Gavi's side as they make their way upstairs.
"Did I wake you up?"
"It's two am, Jude, what the fuck do you think?"
"Sorry," he mumbles, sounding like he truly feels sorry for waking Gavi up, but also like he’s kind of admitting that he'd do it again if he had no other choice. Well, the other choice here would be Jude not coming over to his house at all, and Gavi doesn't think he likes that option. As much as he tries to appear unfazed by Jude's sudden visit, he's so happy to see him he doesn't even know what to do with all these feelings Jude has so easily awakened in him.
"You look really pretty. I mean, okay obviously, you always do. But I think you look even prettier now," Jude tells him then and Gavi's head snaps toward him, finding Jude's eyes already on him, clearly not watching where he's going. If Jude falls on the fucking stairs, Gavi will leave him to sleep there. But he also doesn't want Jude to avert his gaze from him, so he doesn't say anything. "I've been wondering what you wear when you go to sleep. And how you look when you're tired and sleepy like this. Knew you'd be all soft and cute, with the pink cheeks and messy hair." Jude's voice is dangerously fond, the affection in his expression obvious.
And as much as Gavi wants to savor all of it, he can't handle this, not right now. Not when he doesn't know where they stand and Jude might not remember anything about it the next day.
"Jude, stop. Please," Gavi all but begs him now, feeling too weak to continue resisting this, especially when Jude keeps looking at him like that.
It's not fucking fair. Doesn't Gavi deserve to be looked at like this when Jude's sober? Jude definitely wasn't saying anything like that to him when they were seeing each other.
"Fuck. I'm sorry," Jude says and reaches to grip Gavi's wrist, stopping him in the middle of the hallway and turning him around so they're facing one another. "I wasn't planning to come over. I really tried to stay away, knew you probably wouldn't wanna see me. But tonight was hard, seeing you, talking to you after fucking months. So I went out, got fucked up, which just made me think about you even more and then I texted you- it was supposed to be just a drunk text, you know, but you didn't answer, and okay, I mean, you never do, I was expecting that. But I really wanted to talk to you, so I called, but still nothing. Perhaps I should have taken the hint," he says with a self-deprecating laugh.
Gavi kind of wants to tell him he had his phone on silent and never saw the texts or calls. It wasn't a drunk text he was hoping for earlier tonight, but he probably still would have answered if he had seen it.
Jude continues speaking, before Gavi can make up his mind about telling him any of that.
"Next thing I knew I was already getting in a car and coming here. I wasn't really expecting you to let me in. Didn't even have a plan or anything. I just wanted to see you."
Gavi has wanted to hear something like that coming from Jude for months, but now that Jude is saying what Gavi was hoping to hear, Gavi doesn't know what to say. He wonders if it's too late. And if it isn't, does Jude really mean all this?
“I’ll leave if you don’t want me here. I’m sorry,” Jude says quietly.
Gavi catches himself shaking his head before he can even think about his answer. As angry as he might be at Jude, he still cares about him. He doesn’t want him all alone out there when he’s clearly still far from sober. And he selfishly also doesn't want Jude away from him.
“No, you can stay.”
Jude nods. "I really am sorry, Pablo," he continues and takes a step closer to him, then another one until he can wrap his arms around Gavi and hug him. Gavi lets it happen. He couldn't pull away from Jude, if he tried. He has no idea what the hell he's doing. All he knows is that this feels right, his body easily melting against Jude's despite the tension Gavi still feels. Jude nuzzles his hair and Gavi's pretty sure he feels a little kiss being pressed to the top of his head, before they pull away, breaking the hug way too soon.
"I wanna sleep with you. In your bed. I wanna hold you. Can I?"
"Jude..." He hasn't decided yet if he should take Jude to a guest room or to his own bed. He thinks he knows what he's supposed to do, but is that what he wants?
"I know I probably don't deserve this and I haven't earned your forgiveness or anything," Jude says, sounding more and more sober the longer they talk. Gavi tells himself to not read too much into that, this is still not safe. "But please, baby, just to sleep? I won't try anything of course. I'll behave, I promise. I just- I miss you, Pablo. Please. I need you."
Gavi's breath catches in his throat at the words and he exhales shakily. It's hard to not let himself hope, when Jude keeps talking like that.
Gavi wants to protect himself. He knows this is dangerous. They've hooked up so many times, but they've never actually shared a bed, not to just sleep. He knows it'll fuck him up, if he lets it happen.
But maybe he can be self-destructive one last time even if all this doesn't mean anything to Jude in the end.
"Okay."
Jude gives him a small but genuine smile and they finally continue walking to the bedroom again.
Jude drinks some of his water and then leaves the bottle on the bedside table, before stripping down to his boxers. They awkwardly climb into the bed and under the comforter and while the blanket is perfectly soft and warm, it's Jude's body heat that Gavi is craving.
Thankfully, Jude seems to be on the same page as him, because he shuffles closer to him and hesitantly reaches for Gavi.
Gavi lets him, moving so he can rest his head on Jude's shoulder, their bodies pressed together. Jude's arms wrap around him, one of his hands finding its way to Gavi's back, slipping under his t-shirt, fingers caressing his bare skin.
Gavi's eyes flutter closed, his body relaxing completely when Jude tightens his hold around him. It's almost impossible to believe this isn't how they're supposed to be, when Gavi feels like he's exactly where he belongs, in Jude's arms. He wonders if Jude can feel it too, even a little.
He doesn't dare to ask. He lets himself drift off to sleep, surrounded by Jude's warmth and scent that he's missed so much.
**
When Gavi wakes up the next day, he's alone in bed. He was hoping to continue living in this little bubble for a little longer, maybe get some sleepy, morning cuddles before he had to get back to reality, but no such luck.
He looks around his room, a wave of relief rushing through him when he finds Jude's clothes still scattered on the floor, his heartbeat calming down again. Obviously, that doesn’t mean that Jude remembers everything he said yesterday and that he truly meant it, but waking up only to find Jude already gone would have broken him for good this time. So, Gavi’s at least glad Jude’s still there and maybe now that he’s not drunk they can actually talk. Well, if that’s something Jude’s still interested in.
He reaches for his phone to check the time, only then remembering the calls and messages from Jude.
There are only two unanswered calls, but the texts are a lot more. He doesn't know if reading them now is a good idea or not, but he’s too curious to ignore, so he clicks on the notifications and opens them anyway.
From: Jude
Hey
I really liked seeing you and talking to you earlier tonight
I wanted to find you after the match too but didn't wanna make a scene or anything
Didn't know if you wanted to see me
I wish you'd answer my texts
Even just once so i at least know you read them
I cant stop thinking about you
I really missed you baby
Wanna see you again
Pls
Wanna kiss you again and touch you and fuck you
Missed you so much it hurts
Just tell me what i have to do pls baby
Ill apologise 8483924728 times if i have to
Ill do anything
Pablo baby pls
Then the texts stop, just about half an hour before Jude showed up at his house.
Gavi reads them again, chest tightening. Did Jude mean any of that or was he just drunk and feeling lonely and maybe horny and just reached out to Gavi, hoping Gavi would finally give in and they could go back to how they were?
He guesses there's only one way to find out.
He uses the bathroom real quick, brushes his teeth and fixes his hair a little, trying not to think about Jude commenting on how messy it was last night, while calling him pretty. Does Jude even remember any of that?
He heads downstairs when he's done, finding Jude in the kitchen sitting on one of the chairs at the table.
His eyes light up a little and he sits straighter when he sees Gavi approaching.
"Good morning," he says, his eyes tracking Gavi's movements as Gavi comes to stand across him, leaning back against the kitchen counter.
"Good morning."
"I woke up kinda early and thought I could make you breakfast, then I realized I have no idea how to make shit, so there's just coffee," he says apologetically and gets up to grab a fresh cup of coffee, before handing it to Gavi and sitting on the chair again.
"Thanks," Gavi mumbles, taking a sip, kind of wanting to appear busy, because this is more than awkward enough as it is.
"I owe you breakfast though. Maybe I'll learn how to make pancakes or something and make you a proper breakfast next time."
There's going to be a next time?
That's all Gavi can think about right now, but he doesn't voice his question, letting an uncomfortable silence settle between them, before Jude speaks again.
"I broke things off with her. I don't know if I already told you last night, but yeah. It's over."
"Okay," Gavi says. He's been waiting to hear that for months and while there's still a part of him that's happy and excited about it, it all feels like too little too late. "That still doesn't mean you should have showed up here like that."
Jude nods, chewing on his lower lip, looking kind of lost and uncertain. Gavi doesn't think he's ever seen him like that before. "You're right. I just, I dunno, I wanted to see you. I thought we could talk."
"Well, that's too bad, because I don't think I have anything to say. I've moved on, Jude." That's obviously a fucking lie. Gavi wants them to talk, of course he fucking does, but he also feels pathetic and humiliated for letting Jude in like that last night; for inviting him so easily in his bed after everything that's happened. He feels vulnerable and exposed, like he's shown to Jude just how weak he still is for him and he thought that maybe if he told Jude he moved on, it wouldn't feel like Jude has the upper hand there, like he has always had.
But Jude looks hurt and his eyes are glistening and it's all so fucking awful, Gavi's tempted to take it all back. He's still angry at Jude for breaking his heart, but at the same time he feels the urge to try and comfort him.
"No, you haven't. You're just saying that because you're trying to protect yourself," Jude says softly, his tone hopeful, and a sniffle escapes him and he reaches to wipe his eyes before the tears manage to fall.
"Fuck off, Jude," Gavi says, but there's no heat behind the words. He just sounds sad and exhausted.
"Just tell me what I have to do to get a second chance."
Gavi can't help scoffing at that. As hurt as he is, he's also still angry. He's missed Jude, but that doesn't mean he's not mad at him anymore. "You didn't give this a chance in the first place and suddenly you're here demanding a second one?"
Jude flinches, but doesn’t back down. "I just wanna make this right. I want you back, Pablo. I want you," he says. Gavi has wanted to hear these words for a very long time, but right now they don't actually fix anything at all.
"You want me back? Jude, you never had me. And not because I wasn’t yours, but because you didn’t want me," Gavi reminds him, angrily wiping at his eyes, a few stray tears escaping him and sliding down his cheeks. "I think you should leave."
Gavi wishes he meant that, but all he wants is for Jude to beg him to stay.
"But I love you," Jude says and Gavi's eyes widen at the words. He's certain they just slipped Jude's mouth by accident and Jude will take it all back any moment now. Jude doesn't. "Please, at least let me explain. I don't know if it'll make this any better, but you deserve to know the whole truth, yeah?"
Gavi nods, not sure what exactly Jude's referring to - what truth does Gavi not know? - but his brain is still stuck to Jude saying he loves him and he doesn't have any energy left to argue with Jude, so Gavi just lets him talk. He figures things can't get any worse, right? Hopefully fucking not.
Jude takes a deep breath and then exhales, as if trying to gather the courage to begin, his hands fidgeting on his lap. It’s strange seeing Jude like this, looking so uncertain and scared.
"First of all, I know I fucked up, okay. I fucking know that. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since I ended things. But I- I didn’t know what to do, Pablo. I was really fucking scared and- and she was asking me questions I couldn't answer to and it was all too much. I knew you and I couldn't continue like that, especially when I realized I was falling for you, because I was sure this thing between us would never work."
Gavi frowns as he keeps listening to Jude, feeling his insides tighten painfully at the words. Was this supposed to make it any better? Because right now it feels like Jude took the knife he had already stabbed Gavi in the heart with and twisted it, over and over again. He doesn't know what he was hoping to hear when Jude told him he wanted to explain, but it certainly wasn't this.
Jude stops talking for a moment, letting out a frustrated groan. "Ugh. Shit. I'm fucking this up, aren't I? I played this moment in my head so many times, thinking about what exactly I'd tell you to make you understand how fucking much I regretted how I treated you and I was always imagining that I would tell you how things happened and you'd accept my apology and we'd get to try this again, but properly this time. Only that now I'm just fucking up everything and I'm too fucking afraid that you'll just throw me out and I'll see you months later in the next Clasico and I don't know if I can handle that." Jude sounds almost breathless by the time he's finished talking and while none of this excuses what happened, the sincerity of his words softens Gavi's disappointment and anger.
"Jude," he says quietly, but Jude shakes his head and meets his eyes, silently pleading Gavi to wait for a moment so he can continue.
"I think I started catching feelings for you after the first month we started seeing each other or so. It was too fast and scary and I kept ignoring it for a very long time, because I wasn't ready to face what that meant and I was fucking terrified, but at the same time time I knew I couldn't let you go. When I realized I was into this way too deep and there was no going back anymore, it all suddenly became too real and I kept imagining how fucking horribly things would go, if she– or literally anyone else found out about us,” Jude says, pausing for a moment and looking down at his lap. He takes a deep breath and meets Gavi’s eyes again, before continuing.
“I was constantly worried about someone somehow finding out and eventually I convinced myself that the only solution is to break things off with you. I- I know it sounds dumb, but you’re the only guy I’ve ever been interested in in this- this way and I kept thinking that if I could just get over you, I could go back to being happy with having a girlfriend or whatever and then I wouldn’t have to worry about ruining my career and my whole fucking life because I was in love with a boy,” Jude says, but he’s not done yet, the words slipping from his lips like they’ve been begging to be let out for way too long and now that he’s started, he can’t stop.
“Because at that point, Pablo, I sure fucking was in love with you- I still am. And I know that’s not enough of a reason for you to forgive me. I should have treated you better. All that shit inside me was just getting worse and worse and I basically took it out on you. And I regret it so fucking much and even if you’ll ever forgive me, I know I’ll never stop feeling guilty for hurting you like that. But I’m fucking selfish and I want you back and I really wanna try again, if you'll have me,” Jude finishes at last and his shoulders slump down as he shakily exhales, like this is the first breath he was able to take after he started talking.
Gavi feels overwhelmed, still processing Jude’s words, and while he doesn't think Jude is lying to him, he's still not sure if he can trust Jude. Or if this thing between them could ever work. Jude said so himself too, after all. "I don't know if this is a good idea, Jude. What if you’re not ready for this and you change your mind about us again? Like you just said, having a girlfriend would be so much easier for you."
“I won’t change my mind. It’s different this time. I know it is, Pablo. Please, let me prove it to you.”
“Jude…” Gavi says softly, but doesn’t continue, letting Jude interrupt him.
"But you want this," Jude says, his voice small and desperate, clearly wanting that to be true.
"Yeah, well, I always did and it never seemed to be enough."
"But you never told me that, Pablo. I know this doesn’t excuse how I treated you, but I thought that this didn't mean anything to you. I was sure that I was alone in this. I've always wanted you, too, Pablo. I've never wanted anyone or anything like I want you."
Fuck. Gavi feels his tears coming back, his vision getting a bit blurry. He sniffles and wipes his eyes, his gaze finding Jude's again.
"You had a girlfriend, Jude. What was I supposed to say?” Gavi says, trying not to grimace at how wrecked he sounds, the effect this conversation is having on him quite obvious. “I always let you take the lead on how things were between us. I didn’t wanna seem too- too needy. Didn’t want you to realize I wanted more, because I was sure that if you did you’d just end things and go back to simply being with her- but I guess that’s exactly what happened in the end anyway.”
"But it wasn't like that, Pablo. It just- she was safe. As long as I had her, no one would wonder. No one would question anything about me. You know-- you know how things are."
Gavi does know. He's pretended and kept secrets and lied about supposed hookups and girlfriends too many fucking times to not understand this. He can’t lie about this; he knows where Jude’s coming from and he can’t say with certainty that if he were in Jude’s shoes and girls were an option that he wouldn’t think the same way as well; that he wouldn’t try to ignore that part of him that could potentially ruin his career.
Is he stupid to believe Jude after everything? To want to forgive him?
"You really hurt me," he says, his voice coming out soft, vulnerable, the last traces of anger disappearing and leaving behind only his hurt feelings.
Jude finally dares to sit up and comes to him, his hands slowly moving to cup Gavi's face, thumbs stroking his cheeks. Gavi can't help melting into it, unable to hold back. He missed Jude's touch so fucking much.
"I know, baby. I'm really fucking sorry," he says and leans in to place a hesitant, little kiss on Gavi's mouth, clearly careful to not push more than Gavi can handle. "Let me try and make it up to you. Please."
“I want that. I want that so fucking bad, Jude,” Gavi says, his heart feeling too big for his chest when Jude smiles at him. This time he's the one that brings their lips together, leaning closer to Jude and getting on his toes so he can press his mouth firmly against Jude's, smiling into the kiss when Jude lets out a sigh of relief.
Gavi can absolutely relate. He really missed this. Even though he's quite sure they've never kissed like this before. Jude's full lips move against his slowly and Gavi follows his lead, more than happy to let himself savor it. Jude is clearly planning to take his time with it, his tongue darting out to lick at Gavi's lips before withdrawing again, not deepening the kiss just yet. Gavi whimpers softly, already feeling quite frustrated and needy, but he still lets Jude set the pace. As much as it feels like torture to not take this a bit faster, Gavi's enjoying himself too much to actually rush this.
Besides, he's already feeling quite overwhelmed. Taking this slow is probably a good idea.
Just not too slow.
Jude's always made him horny as fuck and this is definitely no different.
Jude breaks the kiss and lets their foreheads rest together, his eyes closed, just breathing for a moment.
Gavi wants him closer.
He slides his hands from Jude's sides to his back and wraps his arms around Jude's torso, shifting so he can hug him properly, nestling his face into the crook of Jude's neck. Jude hugs him immediately, not wasting any time before embracing him in his arms.
There have been many times in his life that Gavi wished he was just a little bit taller, but when he's with Jude he absolutely loves how perfectly they fit together, as if their bodies were made exactly for each other. So far, he only knew that to be true for when they're fucking, but he's happy to confirm that hugging Jude feels amazing, too.
He wishes he had forgone the t-shirt, as well, so he could feel Jude's bare skin against his, but he hopes they're going to have time for that soon.
For now he relishes this, quite liking that Jude hasn't broken the hug yet, even though they've been standing like that for a while now. Jude not only doesn't pull away, but he even tightens his hold around Gavi, strong arms holding him securely against Jude's body and squeezing him, as if Jude absolutely hates the idea of letting go of him. Gavi clings to him, too, and hopes Jude finds this as comforting as he does.
Gavi presses a small kiss on the side of Jude's neck, his lips lingering there as he speaks. "Do you really love me?" He asks, the words barely a whisper.
"I know I did a horrible fucking job showing it, but yes, Pablo, I do love you. I have for a while now," Jude tells him. Gavi has no idea if he'll end up regretting this and he knows they have many more things to talk about later, but for now he chooses to believe Jude.
And he feels it too, of course he loves Jude, but he's not ready to say it. Everything still feels just too raw inside him right now, but he's sure he'll be able to tell Jude soon. Thankfully, Jude doesn't seem to expect an answer to that.
Jude slightly pulls away at last and one of his hands finds Gavi's chin, gently tilting his head up, so he can lean in and connect their lips together again. Gavi makes a pleased, little noise and this time parts his lips in invitation, moaning softly when Jude's tongue finally slides inside his mouth. Gavi sucks on it and strokes it with his own tongue, suddenly feeling his patience wearing thin.
It's been way too long since he and Jude fucked and Gavi needs him.
His cock is already swelling up into full hardness inside his boxers and while he was fine ignoring it just moments ago, right now it seems impossible. Especially when he can feel Jude's hardening dick against his lower belly, nudging against him and reminding how fucking bad he's missed this.
He lets his hands slide up Jude's chest to his shoulders, before wrapping his arms around Jude's neck, pulling him even closer. Jude's hands slip under his t-shirt, but they simply rest on his hips. It's enough to make goosebumps break out over Gavi's skin, but he can tell Jude's being hesitant and careful about this, still holding back. Which is not exactly what Gavi wants right now. He wants Jude's hands everywhere on his body; wants Jude all desperate and hungry for him; wants to feel wanted. Maybe even loved.
Jude clearly has other plans. He pulls away and lets his lips brush over Gavi's cheek in a tender kiss, before putting some space between them so they can look at each other.
"We can take this as slow as you want. You're setting the pace here, the rules, everything," Jude tells him, which is very sweet and makes Gavi smile, even if that's so not what he wants right now.
"I don't wanna take it slow," he says, leaning in to peck Jude's mouth. "Take me to bed, Jude."
Jude nods immediately, letting out a relieved sigh, as if he would have been fine with taking things slow, but he was also hoping Gavi wouldn't ask that. It makes Gavi laugh, a grin settling on his face.
A surprised little yelp escapes him the next moment, when Jude's hands suddenly drift lower to his body and grab the back of his thighs, easily picking him up. Clearly he took Gavi's request to be taken to the bed quite literally. Gavi's not complaining whatsoever. He wraps himself around Jude, all but clinging to him, as Jude makes his way upstairs.
He feels himself grinning like a fool the whole time Jude's carrying him to his bedroom and he nuzzles his face into Jude's neck, happy to hide there for the moment.
He reluctantly lets Jude lower him to the bed when they reach it and he feels shivers rising across his skin at the way Jude's looking at him now, like Gavi's the best, most wonderful thing he's ever laid his eyes on. The lust, the hunger in his dark eyes is clear, and while that's not significantly different from the other times they hooked up, this time there's a softness in his expression, a hint of his affection for Gavi along with his obvious arousal.
Gavi takes it all in, basking in the attention as Jude's eyes rake all over him, before finally joining him on the bed.
Gavi draws him on top of him, letting his legs fall open so Jude can settle between them. Jude hovers over him, just staring at him for a long moment. Gavi doesn't mind, happy to relish the sight of Jude on top of him as well, drinking him in, wanting to admire every detail of him.
"I missed you," Jude tells him, voice quiet but so earnest, and brushes the back of a finger against Gavi's cheek, having Gavi immediately leaning into the soft touch.
"How bad?" Gavi asks him, feeling almost breathless when Jude smiles.
"I missed you so, so fucking bad, baby, you have no idea."
Gavi licks his lips, feels a wave of arousal rushing through him when he notices Jude tracking the movement with his eyes. "Yeah? Show me."
Jude's smile turns into a grin then, his expression full of promise.
Then he's pressing their lips together again and lowers himself over Gavi, so there's no free space between them, their bodies fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle.
Their kisses had always been rushed and impatient and just a part of their usually brief foreplay, before they got to the main event. It's different this time. Jude keeps it slow, but just as hungry and desperate, both of them moaning in pleasure as Gavi licks into his mouth, relishing the bitter taste of coffee against his tongue. Kissing someone has never felt like this before and even though Gavi hasn't stopped being afraid of how bad Jude can still hurt him, he knows now he made the right choice by giving this another chance.
Being with Jude, kissing him, touching him feels so right, like Gavi's exactly where he's supposed to be.
And perhaps it's his arousal and longing talking right now, but he thinks even if he ends up being left with a broken heart this still might be worth it.
They keep kissing for a long while and Gavi parts his legs wider, his hips rocking upwards against Jude's of their own accord.
Jude groans in response, but then a large hand comes to rest on Gavi's hip, keeping him still and pinning him to the mattress.
"Patience, love," Jude tells him, their lips still brushing together, and Gavi whines, but lets Jude hold him down. Once again he can’t help but think that he'd probably let Jude do anything he wanted to him, as long as Jude keeps kissing him like that and calling him love. "Good," Jude says and then they're kissing again, deep and languid and absolutely maddening, doing nothing to calm down the urgent need Gavi’s feeling right now.
Jude's kissing him without a rush, no urgency in his movements, despite the fact that Gavi can feel his hard cock poking his belly. It's like Jude's taking him apart, slowly but steadily, his kisses driving Gavi crazy, but the warmth and firmness of Jude's hold on his hip keeping him grounded.
By the time Jude breaks the kiss and lets them both breathe for a moment, they're panting and Gavi's lips are tingling and feeling sensitive and kiss-swollen and his dick is so hard and hasn't stopped leaking, a wet spot probably having formed on the front of his boxers.
"Jude, come on. It's been too fucking long," he says, voice so clearly pleading and whiny he should probably be ashamed of it, but he doesn't give a shit right now. "Want you to fuck me."
Jude groans and gives Gavi's hip a tight squeeze, before letting go. "Fuck. Okay," he says, still breathing hard. "Lube?"
Fucking finally.
Gavi pushes him away and reaches for the lube from the drawer of his nightstand, grabbing a condom as well before handing them to Jude.
Jude hums and abandons both the plastic tube of lube and the condom on the bed, his hands finding Gavi's body right after, tugging his shirt over his head until Gavi's left just in his boxers as well. Jude makes an appreciative sound, his eyes raking hungrily over Gavi's torso, before he leans down again to trace it with his mouth.
He pushes Gavi to lie back on the bed and trails his collarbone with open-mouthed kisses, before drifting lower to tease Gavi's nipples that are already hard and sensitive. Jude's warm mouth closes around a stiff, little nub and Gavi moans loudly as Jude sucks on it, grazing it with his teeth and having Gavi's dick twitch in response.
Jude continues toying with his nipples for a bit longer and Gavi's hand finds its way to the back of Jude's head, but he doesn't know if he wants to keep him right there or push him away and tell him to get on with it already. In the end, he leaves the decision to Jude. It takes a bit longer and his nipples are all tender and wet with saliva by the time Jude pulls away, but eventually he keeps moving.
He mouths lower at his belly next, making Gavi's abs flex under the featherlight kisses he leaves there. Thankfully he doesn't spend as much time there, drifting down Gavi's body until he can nuzzle his crotch. He traces Gavi's dick with his lips, before sucking on the head over his boxers. Gavi can feel the wonderful heat of his mouth on the sensitive, leaking tip of his cock and he can't help gasping, whimpering helplessly as his back arches off the bed and towards Jude.
Jude keeps sucking on him until the fabric of his boxers there has turned soaking wet with precum and spit and then pulls away, a pleased, almost smug grin spreading on his face. "Still so responsive and needy," he says, earning an unimpressed look from Gavi.
"Fuck off."
Jude's grin only widens. “You’re so sweet, baby.” he says, the words teasing but genuine. He sits up then and reaches for the waistband of Gavi's boxers, removing them completely and tossing them somewhere on the floor, as his cock finally springs free, bobbing against his lower stomach.
Jude makes a little hum in appreciation and wraps long fingers around the hard shaft, having Gavi gasp in relief at the touch. "And still so pink and pretty."
Gavi wants to glare at him, because who the fuck calls someone's cock pretty, but Jude's still touching him and is also looking at him like he's starving and Gavi's his next meal, so he supposes it's not the worst thing in the world or whatever.
Jude's fist leaves him way too soon and then both of Jude's hands slide underneath him, squeezing ass and slightly lifting him off the bed. Gavi lets Jude manhandle him as he wishes, letting out an eager whine when Jude leans in and runs his tongue from his hole up to his balls, repeating the motion a few more times, as if he can't help himself and absolutely has to taste Gavi.
"Jude," he gasps and Jude hushes him softly, pulling away and finally reaching for the lube, slicking his fingers up. As much as Gavi loves being eaten out, especially by Jude, it's his cock that he needs right now and he wants to have Jude inside him as soon as possible.
He sighs in pleasure when Jude's fingers start rubbing at his entrance and tries to push downwards, urging Jude to stop fucking teasing already. Even though he's quite sure that Jude's not even teasing him at this point, he's just enjoying himself.
Too bad Gavi doesn't have any patience for that right now.
"Are you planning on doing anything, Bellingham? Or should I take over?" He says, letting out an annoyed huff to make sure Jude understands he absolutely means it.
Jude laughs, leaning in to press a kiss to his bent knee. "Bellingham, huh?" He says, grinning. "I missed you like this. All bratty and whiny. Desperate for me."
"Jude," Gavi says in warning, even though the way Jude's looking at him and his words make warmth bloom inside him.
Fuck. This is nice. Even if Jude's being an asshole.
A sweet asshole, though.
Thankfully he doesn't let Gavi suffer any longer. One of Jude's slick fingers press inside him, sliding all the way in, having Gavi's body eagerly clench around the intrusion.
"Fuck, baby. You're sucking me in," Jude says breathlessly, his eyes fixed between Gavi's legs.
Gavi feels his face heat up, the warmth of his blush traveling down his neck and chest, probably turning him all pink and he mumbles 'shut up', which Jude ignores, adding another finger as he eases both of them inside Gavi. Even just this feels fucking incredible as Jude starts pumping them in and out and Gavi really can't wait to have Jude inside him again. He does his best to be patient during this part, knowing he'll need the stretch before taking Jude's cock.
He relaxes completely around Jude's fingers and welcomes the third one soon after. They didn't always bother with that much prepping before fucking; Jude's intimidatingly big, but Gavi doesn't mind a little bit of pain while getting fucked - sometimes it even makes it better - but right now Jude's clearly determined to have him as loose and ready for his cock as possible.
He only lets his fingers brush lightly over Gavi's prostate just a few times, obviously trying his best to avoid it completely, which is probably a good thing because Gavi would have ended up coming on Jude's fingers and he'd actually like to wait until Jude's finally fucking him.
"Think you're ready?" Jude asks eventually, three fingers still buried deep inside Gavi.
"I've been ready since you started kissing me in the kitchen," he says earnestly and Jude laughs but thankfully takes that as an 'absolutely fucking yes', pulling his fingers out so he can grab the condom.
"Like this?" Gavi asks, as he watches Jude remove his boxers and then roll the condom on his thick, hard cock, having Gavi's mouth fucking salivating at the sight.
"Mhm," Jude hums and leans over him again, pecking his lips. "Missed your face. Wanna be able to look at it when I'm fucking you."
And well, Gavi can't argue with that, can he. It actually might be the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to him. He nods and bites down at his lower lip to hide the ridiculous smile that threatens to break out across his face.
He spreads his legs open so he can accommodate Jude between his thighs, both of them moaning when Jude's cockhead nudges at his entrance. Gavi reaches for Jude's neck, wrapping his arms around it and drawing him closer, connecting their lips into a kiss, just as Jude starts sliding inside, forcing Gavi's rim to stretch wide around his girth.
It feels overwhelming in the best possible way and Gavi feels himself tighten around Jude, as if wanting to keep him right there now that Jude is finally inside him.
"Holy fuck, you're tight," Jude says in wonder, as if it's the first time they're fucking.
In a way, it kind of is, Gavi supposes.
It's the first time he doesn't have to hide from Jude.
The first time no one will have to run right after they're done fucking.
The first time he doesn't have to wonder why Jude's there and what he's thinking about while he's buried deep inside him.
With the way Jude's looking at him when they break the kiss, he knows there's no way anyone other than him is on Jude's mind right now.
Jude starts moving eventually, rolling his hips at a steady, languid pace, grinding his cock deep inside Gavi, filling him up in a way only he has managed to do, making Gavi feel complete.
He grabs Gavi's hands and brings them over his head and Gavi doesn't protest when one of Jude's large hands wraps around both his wrists, pinning them to the mattress. He just whines and arches his back, taking Jude even deeper and testing his hold, another wanton sound leaving him when Jude's grip only grows firmer, not letting Gavi free his hands. Not that Gavi actually wanted to, anyway.
Jude keeps fucking him like that, slow and deep, and it's the sweetest torture to feel Jude's wonderful, perfect, fat cock brushing against his prostate every time he slides in, while his movements are still too languid to offer Gavi any relief. Gavi feels like he's constantly approaching the edge, but while knowing there's no way getting there like this.
It's perfect and he hates it and he loves it.
Jude draws him out of his thoughts with a sweet, brief kiss. "You're so lovely like this. Fucking beautiful," he says, leaning in to nose across Gavi's jawline, before reaching his ear, his tongue darting out to tease his ear lobe.
Gavi moans and shivers, goosebumps rising all over his skin when Jude stays right there, breathing into his ear as he keeps rocking his hips, cock moving in and out of Gavi.
How did he even survive the last couple of months without this? Gavi really has no idea. He doesn't think he'll be able to handle it, if Jude decided to take this away from him again.
As if able to hear Gavi's thoughts, Jude starts speaking, his words managing to soothe some of Gavi's worries. "Missed you so much," Jude tells him, kissing the sensitive spot right under his ear. “You were all I could think about when we were apart.”
“Don’t leave me again,” Gavi says before he can stop himself, the words soft and pleading.
Jude curses and presses their mouths together firmly, the kiss tasting like an apology on Gavi’s lips. “I won’t, baby. I promise I won’t,” Jude says. “Wanna stay with you always. Fuck, Pablo. I wanna make this last. Wanna stay inside you forever."
Gavi can't help nodding eagerly. That honestly sounds like an amazing fucking idea. He wishes Jude could just stay buried inside him even after they've both come. Preferably without a condom, which they'll hopefully be able to do soon, if they're actually giving this thing between them a real chance.
Gavi doesn't know how long they continue like this, but Jude doesn't pick up the pace even for a moment, his thrusts deep but still controlled and slow. The pleasure feels both overwhelming and not enough and Gavi can't stop whimpering, feeling helpless as Jude keeps teasing his prostate without giving him any release. He wants to beg for more, but he also feels sensitive everywhere and he doesn't know if he can even handle more right now, even though he really fucking wants it.
He feels tears gathering in his eyes and then spilling down his flushed cheeks before he can stop them. Jude smiles at him and leans in to press his lips to Gavi's cheeks, kissing the tears away. It's somehow both sweet and unbelievably hot and Gavi doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.
"Jude, please," he says, his arms straining in Jude's secure hold.
"What is it, sweetheart?"
"Wanna come," he says pleadingly and feels a wave of relief flood inside him when Jude nods his head.
"Alright, love. Whatever you want," he says and then flips them around, so Jude's on his back and Gavi's sitting on his lap, Jude's cock still inside him. "You can come. Make yourself feel good."
Gavi can't help the sigh he lets out, right before he does as Jude told him to and starts riding him.
He sets a fast, desperate pace from the start and doesn't try to stop himself from moaning both in pleasure and relief. This is exactly what he needed after Jude's tantalising rhythm and sweet torture.
He works his thighs and all but bounces on Jude's lap, impaling himself on the hard, throbbing cock inside him over and over again. He lifts himself up until only the tip is inside before slamming down, angling his hips so Jude's hitting his prostate every time. Jude's hands roam all over him, touching him everywhere but at the same time letting him set the pace and Gavi more than he appreciates it, fucking himself on Jude's cock without caring about how needy and desperate he might look.
Besides, it's not like Jude's not enjoying himself. He was almost silent before, only humming and grunting when Gavi clenched around him, but now he hasn't stopped groaning and whining, his eyes dark with lust as he keeps watching Gavi move.
"Feels so good. So full," Gavi says, gasping when Jude's cock rubs against his prostate just right, having his own dick throb and leak more precum. "Not gonna last much longer."
Jude nods, his hands squeezing Gavi's sides, before settling on his waist. "Yeah. Same," he agrees, his voice sounding wonderfully wrecked, rough with arousal.
Gavi brings his hand around his dick and starts jerking himself off, only managing to get half a dozen strokes before he starts spilling, his cum landing all over Jude's stomach and chest.
He doesn't stop moving even as he rides the last waves of his orgasm, until Jude clearly decides to take over, gripping Gavi's ass in big, firm hands before he starts thrusting up into him, now all but using Gavi's body for his own pleasure. Gavi's more than happy to let him, relishing the sounds Jude keeps letting out, the way his dark eyebrows furrow in pleasure as he gets closer and closer to the edge.
"Pablo. Fuck, baby. Gonna come. Gonna fill you up," Jude says and Gavi wishes that was true, that there was nothing between them and Jude was fucking him bare and could actually fill him up, but he can still feel the throbbing of Jude's cock as he comes, spilling inside the condom.
"Holy fuck, baby," Jude says when he's done, still panting, his chest heaving with every breath.
Gavi chuckles, his lips curling into a smile. "Yeah," he agrees softly and lowers himself over Jude, feeling perfectly comfortable lying on top of him.
Jude doesn't seem to mind either, because he immediately wraps his arms around Gavi's body, holding him right there, not that Gavi was planning to move any time soon.
They stay like that, cum drying between them on their skin, Jude's soft cock slipping out of him, but still neither moves, except for when Jude reaches to remove the condom and toss it probably somewhere on the floor.
Gavi realizes this is actually their first time cuddling - while both sober, that is; he doesn't count last night's cuddling as nice as it was - and he can't help smiling, pressing a kiss to Jude's collarbone before he can stop himself.
Jude lets out a content hum and tightens his arms around him and Gavi can feel Jude nuzzling his hair and taking a deep breath.
"Are you sniffing me?" He asks with a chuckle, only for Jude to press even closer to him.
"Mhm," he replies, planting a loud smooch to the top of his head. "You smell nice," he says, sounding completely unapologetic about it and continuing his sniffing.
It's ridiculous and really fucking cute and Gavi can't help giggling, propping himself up to kiss Jude's lips, before resuming his position from a moment ago.
"I don't think we've ever cuddled before," he says and regrets it for a second when it makes Jude's body stiffen underneath him. He doesn't want to ruin the mood or anything, but they can't never talk about before or pretend all those months never happened.
Thankfully, Jude relaxes after a bit. "Yeah. That was stupid. We were clearly missing out."
"Did you wanna cuddle me back then, though?"
"Pablo, baby, I wanted absolutely fucking everything with you. Nevermind that I wasn't brave enough to ask for any of it," Jude tells him and Gavi thought he wouldn't like any answer he would get, but that actually doesn't sound horrible. He doesn't know if Jude's simply saying what Gavi wants to hear, but it's still nice.
"And what do you want now?"
"I still want everything. Whatever you wanna give me. I just want you. I wanna be with you."
Gavi smiles at that, now moving so he can sit up on Jude's lap. "Good answer, baby."
Jude grins, his hands coming to caress Gavi's thighs. "So. Uh… Boyfriends?"
The word makes Gavi's cheeks heat up, but he still gives a casual shrug, his expression and tone clearly teasing as he answers. "I mean, I guess so."
Jude lets out a sound that's something between a gasp and a laugh and then Gavi's suddenly on his back with Jude hovering over him, his wrists caught in Jude's hands.
"You guess, huh? That's not the enthusiastic response I was expecting, baby," Jude says and Gavi giggles and squirms in his hold, but Jude only grips him harder. "What about yes, I wanna be your boyfriend, Jude, you're the best and so fit and handsome and you have a huge fucking cock-"
Gavi bursts out laughing now, his cheeks hurting from smiling so much. "Yeah, okay, that last one is actually true," he agrees and Jude huffs, shaking his head fondly.
"Just the last one?"
"Yeap. How can I say you're the best when you didn't even make me breakfast?" He asks, sticking his lower lip out in the most fake pout that still makes Jude lean in to peck it.
"I'll learn, I promise," Jude tells himself seriously as if Gavi's not fucking with him.
"Okay then. Boyfriends."
Jude offers him the most beautiful smile at that and lowers himself again so they can kiss, this time long and deep and slow. And absolutely perfect.
Gavi's still afraid this might end up breaking him, but he starts thinking that this is absolutely worth the risk. Especially when Jude’s right there with him.