Chapter Text
‘Jjong-ah…’
His voice broke at the end of his sentence, his emotions surging as soon as Jinki’s younger member picked up the phone. It was way too late to be calling anyone, nearly 3AM, but Jonghyun picked up almost instantly. Of course Jinki had known Jonghyun would likely still be awake, but still the relief hit him like a tidal wave as soon as he’d heard him pick up with a simple hyung. His voice sounded distracted and slightly muted, as if Jonghyun had wedged his phone between his shoulder and his ear to keep his hands free for whatever he was doing. Writing, most likely. Jinki could see it, just like he could see the frown that undoubtedly formed on the youngers delicate features. Despite himself, Jinki smiled a little.
‘I don’t know what to do, Jjong.’ Jinki admitted, with as much control as he could manage.
Alarm rose in Jonghyuns voice as soon as he heard Jinki’s tone. ‘What’s wrong?’
And then the tears came for the first time since Jinki had heard the news. As if just by asking him, Jonghyun had given him permission to let his emotions out.
‘I’m losing my voice.’ Jinki said, surprisingly stable despite the tears now dripping from his chin to the collar of his shirt. Jinki didn’t bother to wipe them. He closed his eyes. It was silent for a little while at the other end of the line. Jinki hadn’t told anyone about the pain in his throat, the hospital visits. The concerned looks from his doctors as he told him about his symptoms. He remembered sitting in the waiting room, leg shaking with his manager next to him. Hearing the hushed voices from his doctors and not wanting to know just yet how bad it was, despite already knowing deep down.
‘I’ll be there in ten minutes.’ Jonghyun finally said. Jinki nodded, even though Jonghyun wouldn’t be able to see through the phone. But he couldn’t find his voice anymore. He ended the call in a daze, thinking briefly he would just turn off his phone completely but deciding against it.
Jinki read the letter from his doctor over and over again. The words became a blur but he kept reading because it just didn’t feel real yet. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, staring blankly at his phone, when suddenly a hand closed around his wrist. Jinki looked up into Jonghyun’s dark brown eyes. He hadn’t even heard him come in, but Jonghyun knew the code. He had let him choose the code even, when Jinki first moved in. It had started as a joke, Jinki telling him to set the code to whatever Jonghyun wanted. Of course he had taken the opportunity, and made it his own birthday. Jinki had never changed it, and Jonghyun had never commented on it. It was their own little inside joke and Jinki, hopelessly in love that he was, wanted it to stay that way. So he had never told anyone else the code.
Now, Jonghyun knelt in front of where Jinki was still sitting, frozen, on his kitchen chair. He silently took the phone from Jinki’s hands, turned it around. Jinki watched his face as he read the letter, but Jonghyun kept it carefully blank, save for the slight tightening of his jaw. Jinki waited, his heart pounding in his chest, until Jonghyun would say something, do something. He half expected him to shout at him, to start crying too. Instead, he just sighed. It sounded more than tired, weary. Jinki’s breath hitched but then Jonghyun reached out, taking his hand and tugging him upwards. Jinki just let himself be guided, through the kitchen, the hallway, to his bedroom. Once there, Jinki waited, unsure of what to do, of Jonghyun’s intention. But he just got into Jinki’s bed, like it was the most normal thing, not even bothering to take off his clothes. Jinki hesitated. Despite everything, despite the fact that his life might be over if he would truly lose his voice, the notion of getting into bed with his band member, his friend, and the man he’d been in love with for years was more scary than any of it. Jonghyun looked at him.
‘What are you doing? Get in.’
Jinki unfroze, and with robotic movements, got into bed too. Also still fully clothed. Jonghyun held up the covers for him and as soon as his head hit the pillow, Jonghyun scooted forward in the darkness of the room. His arm snaking around Jinki’s waist and behind his back, tucking his head over his shoulder with his ear pressed to Jinki’s neck. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t shared a bed before. They even still did it sometimes now, none of them were particularly fussy about physical contact. But this, this was overruling all of Jinki’s senses. Where his limbs ended, Jonghyun’s began and somehow it was exactly what he needed right now. He didn’t know how Jonghyun always seemed to know exactly what he needed and when, but Jinki knew that he never felt as safe as he did right that moment.
Still, he felt the need to say something, to talk about it.
‘Jjong-’
But Jonghyun just shushed him, and Jinki shivered when he felt his hot breath against the column of his throat.
‘No use in worrying about it now. Just sleep, and we’ll talk about it in the morning.’
Jinki let out a shuddering breath. In the end, he was just a man, and even though he had just received some of the most devastating news of his life, his body didn’t seem to care and was still reacting to Jonghyun’s touch like he had just been set on fire. It didn’t help that he was hot, way too hot to be able to sleep.
He cleared his throat a little awkwardly. ‘I can’t sleep like this.’ Jinki said, then quickly added, ‘it’s just so warm.’
‘So take something off.’
‘I- yes. Okay.’
Jinki awkwardly disentangled from Jonghyun, thankful for the darkness that would hide the blush on his cheeks. He removed his shirt, then shimmied out of his pants. Jonghyun had only been wearing shorts when he came in, and was now removing his shirt too. Jinki didn’t know if he should thank the lord for the gift of Jonghyun, shirtless in his bed or if he should beg for a release of his suffering. It seemed the universe had other ideas because Jonghyun just resumed his position when Jinki got back into bed and as soon as he felt the smooth skin on his, he knew he wouldn’t sleep. There was just no way. He didn’t even dare breathe. Or move. Or even think anything at all in fear that somehow Jonghyun could sense where his thoughts were going. Jonghyun interpreted his stiffness as stress or anxiety about the situation that arguably should be on his mind right now. It would have been the logical thing to be stressed about. His voice, his career, his life was on the line basically. But it seemed all that could be overruled by the simple act of Jonghyun, half-naked in his bed and pressed up against him. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? This wasn’t a simple act, not to Jinki at least. His body was making this into something it couldn’t be, and his head was screaming at him to get away before Jonghyun could notice. Meanwhile, Jonghyun was just trying to help him. Being the friend he needed, and Jinki was being horrible, deranged, ungrateful.
‘Jinki-hyung.’ Jonghyun turned his head to the side, his nose grazing the column of Jinki’s throat. Jinki held his breath.
‘Hm?’ It came out sounding restrained, like Jinki was holding back tears. That wasn’t entirely the case, even though he did feel like he might actually cry if this would go on any longer. He just couldn’t take it anymore.
The physical contact had always been a challenge, almost from the beginning. But even more so when they had both reached their twenties. Jinki had fallen so fast and so hard. He had realised one day when he was shopping for food for the dorm, while casually throwing things in a basket and at the end, suddenly noticing half the things he got were things Jonghyun liked. He had stared at the Haribo gummy bears in his basket and suddenly, it had hit him with the force of a freight train. He was in love with his bandmate. It had replayed in his head like a sappy romantic compilation in a bad movie, all the moments where Jinki had looked for too long, had sought out Jonghyun after practice, had prioritized his needs over his own. It had always been there, he just hadn’t seen it for what it was. Because it couldn’t be. It simply wasn’t something he could ever allow to exist. For the sake of the team, of their image and most of all, because of Jonghyun. Beautiful, sensitive Jonghyun who always wore his emotions on his sleeve. Having to reject Jinki would certainly hurt him, it would put a burden on him that Jinki simply didn’t want him to have to carry. So that day, Jinki decided he could never say it, to protect all of them, and maybe also to protect his own heart.
After that, Jinki had tried to distance himself at first. But Jonghyun had noticed, and had shown up half in tears in the middle of the night on his bedside. Hyung, what did I do wrong? They had fallen asleep together then, and Jinki knew he couldn’t shut Jonghyun out like that. So, he endured, he tried to put a lock on his feelings. As if that was possible. Which brought Jinki right back to the present moment, desperately trying to make himself act normal about the fact that he could feel nearly all of Jonghyun, pressed up against him in his bed.
‘I will still be there. Whatever happens. You won’t lose me.’ Jonghyun said, as if he’d heard Jinki nearly make himself insane with where his thoughts were going.
Jinki wasn’t sure if he deserved the loyalty Jonghyun always showed towards him. He was falling short on so many levels. He couldn’t even be a friend in the way he was supposed to be. And how could he be in the group -let alone lead the group- if he lost his voice, and his career? He was going to let them all down. Maybe it shouldn’t be the most terrifying part of this, but it was to him.
‘You don’t know that.’ Jinki whispered into Jonghyun’s hair, his voice hoarse.
‘No, I do.’ He was adamant, not taking no for an answer. Jonghyun always refused to accept any of Jinki’s self-deprecation, even if it was a joke. Jinki was caught off guard every time Jonghyun would fall into one of his fiery rants about Jinki’s singing skill, or his leadership or whatever it was at that moment. It ignited a tiny sliver of hope in Jinki every time, that it would mean something more. But Jinki always reprimanded himself for being delusional. It wouldn’t help him in the end.
‘No, Jjong-ah, you don’t understand. You don’t know what might happen.’ It was vague, the way he said it, but he couldn’t be more clear without risking too much. Jinki was convinced that if he ever told Jonghyun about the depth of his feelings, he would lose him. He had gotten dangerously close to just blurting it out one too many times. If the end of his singing career wouldn’t make him leave, that certainly would.
But Jonghyun was shaking his head, tightening his hold on Jinki as if it would keep him together.
‘Quit acting as if you’re on your own, because you’re not.’ He said with more energy behind it than Jinki expected. He sucked in a breath, trying to stabilize his emotions but failing, because all it did was make him breathe in more of Jonghyun’s perfume. It was making his head spin and it was the last straw. His body started to shake. He needed to get out, he just couldn’t take it anymore. So, he pushed Jonghyun off of him, untangling himself from his grasp. Jonghyun made a noise of protest but Jinki couldn’t catch his breath, he needed space, he needed to get out. A small voice in the back of his head was telling him he was panicking, but he couldn’t pay attention to it. His vision was getting blurry. He got out of bed, sinking to the floor beside the bed and it was cold, but it was nice. He leaned backwards, and he didn’t know what Jonghyun was doing, but his system was completely overstimulated. It was just too much. All of it. It occurred to him that he was crying again, because when he hid his face in his hands they felt wet. And then between one shuddering breath and the next, there was Jonghyun again. There were hands closing around his own.
‘Oh, hyung.’ There was pity, now, in Jonghyuns voice. And Jinki hated it.
‘No. No.’ He was completely alone and he hated himself for feeling the way he did. Jinki never allowed himself to wallow in his misery because he simply couldn’t. He had the team to take care of, he had responsibilities. But now that would all fall away and he was being comforted by the person who didn’t even realize what this all meant to Jinki. His feelings were all wrong, and right now they felt too big to fit inside his body. They were going to spill out and Jinki needed Jonghyun out of here before they would.
‘Hyung, just let me-’
‘No!’ Jinki didn’t even know what Jonghyun meant to do but he did know he couldn’t let him.
It was silent for a few seconds, save for Jinki’s actual sobbing.
‘I’m not leaving. You might want me to, but I’m not going.’ Jonghyuns voice sounded in front of him, determined, stubborn.
Jinki laughed through his tears. Of course, Jonghyun wouldn’t listen to him, when had he ever? And Jinki loved him for it so he could never be mad, even though he might want to be sometimes.
‘But you have to Jjong-ah. For your own good.’ Jinki said weakly, all out of energy.
‘Look at me, hyung.’
And Jinki did. He looked so beautiful. His eyes tender, full of admiration even now. His hair was long, these days, it fell into his eyes now and it was all messy just how Jinki liked it. ‘Listen. I think you want me to leave to wallow in your own self-pity some more, and because somehow you feel like you don’t deserve the support but I don’t care. I’m not leaving you alone. You can be all dramatic and selfless some other time.’ And Jonghyun reached out again. Jinki nearly flinched when Jonghyun’s hand touched his chest, then placed it flat over his heart.
Dangerous. So, dangerous. Caring, sensitive, sweet Jonghyun. Completely unaware of the reasons why Jinki’s heart was beating fast now. Jinki couldn’t stop looking at Jonghyuns face. The high cheekbones, the full lips. Oh, how often he had thought about kissing those wonderful lips.
‘It’s going to be okay, hyung. We will sing together again, I can feel it. If it’s not on a stage then it’ll be just for you and me.’
It was so beautifully, unintentionally romantic. Jinki let out a sound nearly like a whimper. Then Jonghyun’s touch shifted, towards his neck, and Jinki watched his face as he frowned at it, as if he could see the messed up vocal chords in his throat. Jinki felt broken, betrayed by his own body.
‘You shouldn’t touch me.’ He said, and he watched Jonghyun’s face fall. He almost wanted to take it back. But Jonghyun let his hand fall away and Jinki missed it instantly.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t…’ Jonghyun looked away, pain written on his face clearly.
Jinki shook his head. ‘Not for the reason you think.’ Was he really doing this? The words just spilled out. ‘It means something different to me than it does for you.’ He was truly trying to self-destruct his entire being now, there could be no other explanation.
‘Hyung?’ Jonghyun was looking at him with big eyes.
‘I’m the one who is sorry, Jonghyun-ah. I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.’ And Jinki took one of Jonghyun’s hands, and pressed at against his chest again. Jonghyun looked at their hands, together against Jinki’s chest.
Then he looked up, and caught Jinki’s gaze. And something shifted in Jonghyun’s eyes. Jinki could see it, the exact moment where understanding dawned on him. Jinki waited. For the rejection. For the inevitable moment where Jonghyun would snatch his hand back, and leave.
But instead, Jonghyun leaned forward and pressed his lips on his.
Jinki had an out of body experience. He felt his heart would explode, his system would overheat and his brain would combust. There were so many feelings surging through his system all at once and it was confusing and dizzying and then Jonghyun opened his mouth and Jinki could do nothing but kiss him back, mould his mouth to his and make their tongues meet. Jonghyun’s hands came up to cup his face and it was sweet and tender, the way he was kissing him now. And Jinki just let him claim his mouth, even if he thought he could die like this. It would be fine because this was Jjong and he was kissing him. He was kissing him like his life depended on it. Then he pulled back, and both of them were panting.
‘I don’t- what- how-’ Jinki couldn’t find the words, but thankfully Jonghyun could.
‘If I had known you felt like this, I would have done that a lot sooner.’ He said, eyes dark and full of something Jinki thought he could only ever see in his dreams.
‘Jjong.’ Jinki croaked, completely drowning in his feelings now.
‘Jinki.’ Just his name, politeness thrown into the wind together with any caution. ‘Come here.’
And again, Jinki took his hand and Jonghyun pulled him up, then stepped towards him and pushed him backwards, onto the bed. Jinki’s chest was heaving and as he reached out for Jonghyun, to anchor him, he was already there. His mouth was on his again and the kiss was different this time. There was heat in it, and Jinki’s hands acted as if on their own, sliding over Jonghyuns back and upwards towards his hair. Jonghyun bit on his bottom lip, and then ground his hips into him and Jinki couldn’t keep in the moan that escaped him, because Jonghyun was hard and it was because of him. He should have known that Jonghyun would be passionate, and fiery, as was his personality but still it surprised him, the intensity of him, the way he was everywhere all at once. And Jinki loved it.
‘I love you.’ It slipped out without him meaning to, between kisses. Jinki froze. Anxiety entering his system, scared of the implications the hasty confession could have. He didn’t even know how Jonghyun felt about doing this, let alone Jinki just blurting it out like that.
Jonghyun stilled for a second on top of him, but then he pulled back a little, looking into his eyes before saying,
‘I love you too.’
Jinki nearly cried again, but Jonghyun was determined to get him to do something else, judging by the way he was now laying claim to his neck.
‘I’ll take care of you, hyung. You have to let me take care of you.’ He whispered, lips at the shell of his ear, and Jinki shuddered because his voice was sultry and low, like he had heard before on stage, but it had never been like this, only for him to hear. An odd unfamiliar feeling surged through Jinki suddenly. He realized it was because he wanted to be the only one Jonghyun used that tone on.
‘I want to suck you off. Can I?’ Jonghyun asked, like he was asking about the weather.
Jinki was still busy trying to process the information that the person he had been in love with for such a long time loved him back, and was on top of him, already mostly naked. Jonghyun just waited, and Jinki opened his mouth, then closed it again. He just nodded. Because yes he wanted that. He wanted all of him. He had fantasised about it, even, if he was being honest. In moments of weakness, when he simply couldn’t take it anymore. And right now, when it was being offered to him, he still couldn’t take it. Jinki had been gone from the moment Jonghyun started touching him. From the moment he picked up the phone. But right now, Jinki’s sanity was unsalvageable. There was fire, pure fire surging through his skin were Jonghyun was touching him. His lips now tracing a path from his neck towards his chest.
‘I’ve been thinking about this.’ Jonghyun murmured. Jinki gasped as he flicked a nipple with his tongue. ‘For longer than you might think.’ He was confessing, as he went down Jinki’s body. Playing him like an instrument, coaxing sounds from him that Jinki didn’t even know he was capable of making. It seemed even in the bedroom, Jonghyun was determined to make music as he complemented the sounds Jinki was making with some of his own. Between soft bites, and licks and kisses he was uttering praises, moaning softly. Jinki wanted to record it and play it over and over and over again until he could memorize it. Finally, Jonghyuns lips ended just below his navel. Then he hooked his fingers in Jinki’s underwear and freed his aching cock from his boxers. Jinki sighed in relief at the same time as Jonghyn gasped.
‘Knew you’d be big.’ Jonghyun said, a little breathless. Jinki looked down, and saw him staring. Pupils blown wide, eyes glassy and full of obvious desire. Jinki felt feverish, overheated, as he trembled with the effort to lay still and let Jonghyun do whatever he wanted.
‘Jjong-ah.. I want- I need-’ Jinki needed relief and he needed it now. He reached for Jonghyun’s face and caressed his cheek, then softly grabbed his chin to make him look up. He tried to convey how much he loved him, how much he wanted him just in a look and it seemed to work, because Jonghyun nodded.
‘Yes. Yes, don’t worry, hyung. Just lay back…’ and Jinki did. And he fisted his hands in the sheets to keep himself from doing something impulsive, like grab Jonghyun’s head and guide him towards-
At the first feeling of Jonghyun’s mouth around him he let out a whine, almost like sob. He’d be embarrassed, if he wasn’t distracted by the fact that it felt so good he might come instantly. Jonghyun couldn’t take him completely, but it seemed he rather liked trying. His hands were at Jinki’s thighs, holding him for support as he bobbed his head up and down and Jinki was grabbing the sheets like they were his last lifeline. Like it would help him survive this, and not completely fucking lose it. Then Jonghyun licked the head of his cock, and took him slowly, relaxing his throat and nearly succeeding in taking him all the way.
‘J-Jong. If you don’t stop I’m gonna- I’m going to come.’ Jinki choked it out, and Jonghyun just grinned, hollowing his cheeks and sucking once, twice, and Jinki was barely, barely holding on. When he truly thought he was done for, Jonghyun released him with a wet ‘pop’ sound and Jinki was gasping for air. He eased back from the edge, his mind was still catching up to what was happening, but then something swelled inside him and he leaned forwards, pulling Jonghyun upwards, then onto his back and into the pillows. Jonghyun let out a surprised noise, but melted into the sheets as soon as he felt Jinki’s hands on him. He peeled off Jonghyun’s underwear too, then looked up at him and surprised himself by saying, ‘I have condoms. And lube.’
Jonghyun nodded, eager, then hooked his hands behind Jinki’s neck as Jinki hovered over him, too tempted to steal a kiss before they would have to pause momentarily to prepare. Because they were both not ready for this to end yet.
Jonghyun’s lips were soft, just as soft as Jinki had always imagined but the kiss turned from sweet to messy really quickly and Jinki had to stop himself from getting carried away because he was still painfully hard and this wasn’t making this any easier.
‘We should shower. I can help you… clean up.’ Jinki said as he pulled back. He held his breath, because even though he could guess which way Jonghyun wanted this to go Jinki wanted to be sure.
Jonghyun looked back into Jinki eyes, then rolled his hips upwards into Jinki with an almost shy smile. The juxtaposition of his sudden bashfulness and the downright erotic movement was making Jinki’s head spin and he breathed out slowly, trying to keep composure.
‘Let’s shower together. Then you’ll show me where you keep your stuff and I’ll prepare myself just for you, hyung.’
Fuck. ‘Yeah, okay.’ Jinki was nodding, his voice nearly gone from the effort to speak because Jonghyun was again using that low, seductive tone and it made his brain short-circuit.
In the shower, Jinki made sure all of Jonghyun was taken care of, spending some more time than necessary on certain parts. They were exploring, searching, learning with every kiss and every touch. It was new and yet so familiar. They were both shy at times -especially Jinki- but also bold, willing to be brave for once. After drying them both, Jinki showed Jonghyun where he kept his supplies and got told to wait on the bed.
Jonghyun was fast and Jinki wondered briefly how many times he had done this before. And with who, but he quickly decided it wouldn’t matter because he was here now and to Jinki that was all that was important. He didn’t even have time to dwell on lost time because he just knew they would more than make up for it. Starting with tonight.
There was only one light illuminating the bedroom as Jonghyun exited the bathroom, and although Jinki had been lost in thoughts waiting for him, his attention was drawn instantly. The shadows emphasised the hard ridges of his stomach. He swallowed at the sight of Jonghyun, naked and so beautiful Jinki could hardly belief someone like this could love him back.
Jonghyun’s smile turned devilish when he caught Jinki’s eyes on him, and he approached the bed slowly. It could have been awkward but it wasn’t, not when they had known each other so long and were already so used to being close. Jonghyun had always been the one Jinki confided in, and he felt he could sometimes share the load of being a leader with. There was a feeling of fondness swelling in Jinki’s chest as Jonghyun sat down on the side of the bed and waited, his back turned towards Jinki. This was where Jinki would do the rest, he supposed. His skin prickled when he thought of the privilege of it, of being allowed to take charge like this.
Jinki sat up, then moved close enough so he could trace Jonghyun’s shoulder with his lips. Jonghyun gasped, and tensed a little.
‘Do you want to be on your back?’ Jinki asked, discovering he didn’t find it hard at all to be assertive when it came to this.
‘Yes.’ Jonghyun’s answer came out shaky, and Jinki thought he must have been hiding how needy he was for him to be so desperate for it already. Or it was the way Jinki was now sucking a bruise into the side of Jonghyuns neck.
Jinki then snaked an arm around Jonghyuns back, and the other under his legs and picked him up as if he wasn’t a full grown man and weighed nothing at all, then carefully lowered him into the pillows. Jonghyun looked at him with big eyes and Jinki chuckled at his reaction.
‘God, hyung, where have you been hiding all this?’ There was blatant admiration in Jonghyuns voice and Jinki flushed, as Jonghyun traced Jinki’s chest, his stomach and then down towards his cock where he stroked it once. It was enough to make him half-hard again. Jinki couldn’t help but bend down to kiss him again, Jonghyun responded instantly, letting Jinki explore his mouth with his tongue. He was moaning into the kiss, which made Jinki think about hearing those sounds when he was inside of him and his blood rushed south.
With some effort, he managed to pull back, only a little, letting his forehead rest against Jonghyun’s.
‘I will get the-’
‘-yes.’
Jinki quickly moved to the bedside table, getting condoms and a fancy glass bottle of lube. Then he crawled towards Jonghyun again, nudging his legs apart with his knee and settling in between his thighs. His hands were shaking as he uncapped the bottle and coated his fingers with a generous amount. Then he looked at Jjong, who was biting his lip looking up at him. Jinki bent over him, getting close again and leaning on one arm next to Jonghyuns head.
‘Are you ready?’ He asked softly, waiting for Jonghyuns answer before he touched him.
‘Hyung, please, for the love of god if you don’t touch me, I will die.’ Jonghyuns said, and angled his hips upwards, giving Jinki more room. Jinki thought that he himself would die too if he wouldn’t be inside Jonghyun anytime soon but he would just have to be patient. At first, he experimentally traced a circle around Jonghyun’s rim, exploring. Jonghyun whined, his eyes screwing shut.
‘Hyung.’ Jinki knew he wasn’t far from begging for it and a part of him was interested in hearing it but he stored it away for later. Now, he pushed a finger slowly inside and Jonghyun clenched around him instantly. Jinki was watching his face closely and it was mesmerizing to see how Jonghyun threw his head back and bit his lip. Then Jinki started thrusting his fingers slowly in and out of him and it was no time at all before Jonghyun was asking for more.
‘I need… ah-’ Jonghyun had barely spoken the words or Jinki was already pushing in a second finger. Jonghyun’s jaw had turned slack and he was pushing down onto Jinki’s hand now. Jinki was beyond any coherent thought at this point, watching Jonghyun writhe beneath him, from something he was doing. Then he pulled his fingers back just a little, and angled then upwards. It took him a few extra seconds to find the right spot and then Jonghyun nearly screamed, his back arching off the bed.
‘That’s it, you’re doing so well my Jjong. Gonna fill you up soon.’ Jinki didn’t even register what he was saying but Jonghyun certainly did because his grip turned tighter and then he was begging.
‘Hyung, I need you, please, need your cock.’ Jinki could barely resist but he knew Jonghyun needed to be stretched some more to take him so he added a third finger.
‘Hnnng. Jinki.’ Heat shot through Jinki at the sound of his own name, coming from Jonghyun when he was in this position. It was a testament to his self-restraint that he managed to wait until Jonghyun was truly, positively losing it from his fingers alone. Only when Jonghyun was leaking precum on his stomach, and his hair was sticking to his forehead from exertion did Jinki pull his fingers back.
He was breathing heavy, and Jonghyun looked up at him through half-lidded eyes. Jinki managed to put on a condom, his own cock aching at this point.
Then finally he lined himself up with Jonghyun’s entrance, and cupped his face as he looked at him while he pushed in, almost all the way before he paused and bit back a groan. Jonghyun was so tight and so warm around him and Jinki nearly collapsed on top of him.
‘Oh.’ Was all Jonghyun said. Only the one word, basically just a sound. Still, Jinki understood. They had never needed many words to understand each other. It had always been just a look, a gesture, a nod and they would know what the other was thinking, feeling. Right now Jinki knew Jonghyun was feeling just as overwhelmed from this as he was.
Jinki hid his face in the crook of Jonghyun’s neck and then he felt his arms around him, clawing at his back, urging him forwards. Jinki pushed in all the way, and Jonghyun was letting sounds fall from his lips carelessly, shamelessly. Jinki thought that this, apart from singing together, was the way they were meant to be together from the start. The way they fit so seamlessly had to have been predestined.
‘Hyung, if you don’t fuck me properly right now I will start doing it myself.’ Jonghyun’s voice sounded, close to his ear and Jinki sat back on his knees, then grabbed him by his thighs and positioned him just right. Jonghyun responded by caging Jinki in with his legs around him. Jinki had never been happier to be trapped somewhere. Then he dragged his hips backwards, and thrust forward in a slow, measured movement, determined to drag this out as long as he could. It earned him another whine from Jonghyun, who was watching him with those dark brown eyes of his.
‘I like it when you- when you grab me like that.’ Jonghyun said, and the slight tremble in his voice told Jinki enough about how much, exactly, he liked it. Jinki grinned, keeping up the slow pace, dragging his cock out agonisingly slowly and then pushing in to the hilt every time. It had Jonghyun going crazy within no time. He was writhing, impatience clear in every sound he made and every push of his hips towards Jinki’s.
‘Please, hyung, just- please. I need you to- ah.’ And there it was. Jonghyun was begging for it already and it made Jinki feel hot all over, completely entranced by the fact that he could have this effect on anyone, let alone Jonghyun. Confident Jonghyun, who he had always only admired from the side, who was loved and admired and wanted by so many. Jinki sometimes felt sympathetic with Jonghyun’s fans, who could also only ever express their love from afar. But now that he was finally where he wanted to be he found himself wanting to make it last as long as possible, as if it would be taken from him again. But Jonghyun had other plans because he tugged on Jinki’s neck, whining for him to get on with it.
Finally, when Jinki decided Jonghyun had been patient enough, he put a hand on his thigh, and bend forwards again, pushing Jonghyun’s leg up, over his shoulder. Jonghyun let out a surprised cry, hands on Jinki’s chest.
‘This okay?’ Jinki murmured, because for all his boldness, he found himself still wanting to check, to make sure, even though he could clearly see how Jonghyun was panting, how his cock was leaking precum onto his stomach.
‘More than okay. Hyung, stop being careful and fuck me like you mean it.’ Jonghyun said, as he reached out and gently tucked a lock of hair behind Jinki’s ear. The gesture was soft, and Jinki released a breath. He could feel his control slipping. If Jonghyun kept talking to him like that, he would truly, completely lose it and Jonghyun would have to be there to ground him because Jinki wasn’t sure if he could do it otherwise.
‘Hold me.’ Jonghyun said, sensing it in his eyes. He took Jinki’s hand, threaded it with his and guided it next to his head.
Jinki dipped down for a second, brushing his lips on Jonghyun’s in silent acknowledgement. His brain was hazy, and Jinki thought he had never been this turned on in his entire life. But he had stopped trembling. And he would give Jonghyun what he wanted, and just let go.
He snapped his hips forwards with a quick, rough movement and got rewarded immediately with another moan escaping from Jonghyun’s throat.
‘Yes, like that, hyung.’
And Jinki did it exactly like that, setting a rhythm and forgetting about everything except for this. He felt his orgasm building but he knew he wanted to see Jonghyun come first, so after a few minutes he angled his thrusts just right until Jonghyun threw his head back, muscles tensing and crying out. He had found the right spot.
‘You want to come like this, Jonghyun-ah? Just from me inside of you?’ Jinki couldn’t help it, he had to see it, he needed to.
Jonghyun was too far gone to answer, though, so instead Jinki just kept up the angle and somehow set the pace even faster. It earned him a long, drawn-out moan from Jonghyun.
‘Look at me.’ Jinki said, not entirely sure why he suddenly needed him to. ‘Look at me Jjong.’ And Jonghyun did. ‘My good boy. I want to see it in your eyes when you come.’ And that’s all it took for Jonghyun to cry out his name, and arch his back off the bed, into Jinki and spill all over his stomach, completely untouched.
‘Hyung. Oh, fuck.’ He sounded almost broken, fucked out, and Jinki lost all coherent thought.
He was teetering on the edge of his own release, and he was breathing hard, still keeping up his thrusts, but they were losing their rhythm as Jinki felt heat pool in his stomach.
‘Want you to come inside me next time.’ Jonghyun said, still looking Jinki into his eyes, his hair a mess, a blush spreading from his chest to his cheeks. He looked so beautiful like this, saying such filthy words and Jinki simply couldn’t take it anymore and then he was sure he died and came back to life again in the exact moment he reached his high. It lasted a long time, and Jonghyun pulled him down to kiss him again, and again, until Jinki finally stilled inside of him.
It was silent save for their laboured breaths and then they looked at each other as if for the first time. Something fundamental had changed, and Jinki’s head was spinning with what it meant, what it could mean, if this was truly the beginning of something he had been dreaming of for so long now.
Jonghyun was the first to collect himself enough to speak. ‘Hyung, I never want to leave this bed.’
It was such a Jonghyun thing to say and Jinki found himself chuckling. Then he breathed out slowly, because any movement had an effect on how they were still connected together right now.
‘And I’m never going to let you leave.’ He answered, nearly as serious as Jonghyun was.
He gently lowered Jonghyun’s leg, and pulled out slowly, kissing him softly to distract from the discomfort.
Jonghyun whined softly, hands wandering over Jinki’s body. Despite himself, Jinki shuddered and then he had to move away momentarily to get rid of the condom. It felt like too far, too much distance between them after what they had just shared and Jonghyun must have felt the same because he pulled Jinki into him again as fast as he could. They were both sweaty, sticky and gross but neither of them cared, just wanting to be close. Jinki turned onto his back, entirely spent, and pulled Jonghyun into his side, who placed his leg over his thighs, his arm across his chest. Jonghyun nuzzled his face into his neck and Jinki hummed, satisfied.
‘How long?’
Jinki didn’t have to explain, Jonghyun knew what he was asking.
‘Since we were trainees. Since the moment I heard you sing.’
It could have been sappy, and coming from anyone else Jinki thought they would have been making it up just to be romantic. But Jinki knew Jonghyun was being serious. Jonghyun had always provided him with the truth in anything. He wasn’t someone to shy away from it just to fit in somewhere. It was yet another thing Jinki loved about him. Jinki was sure he had also heard a tiny trace of insecurity behind the answer. Like he was scared of what Jinki might say. Jinki was confused for a moment, then reality dawned on him. Jonghyun had said the first time he had heard him sing. He didn’t even know if he would ever be able to do that again. Jinki didn’t know what to say, and usually this is where he would shut other people out, stop talking and sit with his thoughts on his own for a while. But he knew it wouldn’t work this time. And after what had just happened between them, Jinki felt like he owed Jonghyun the truth. Or at least part of it.
‘I’m scared.’ Jinki admitted, and closed his eyes.
‘You can be scared.’ Jonghyun just said. Somehow, it was more comforting than someone just saying it would all be okay. He didn’t know if it would, but at least Jonghyun would be there next to him. Still, there was something in the back of his mind bugging him, providing him with an unwelcome sense of insecurity.
‘Jjong-ah… Do we- I want-’ Jinki found his throat closing up, again not able to get the words out. He felt so stupid, Jonghyun had said he loves him. What more confirmation could he need? But he needed him to say it, to know for sure that this between them was something real and something that Jonghyun wanted, and not just for one night. Jonghyun’s fingers stilled on his chest where they were tracing light patterns on his skin, right above his heart.
‘You never have to be shy about telling me what you want, Jinki.’ It could have been suggestive but the way Jonghyun said it, it was just full of sincerity.
Jinki tried to swallow and get rid of the lump in his throat.
‘I want you to be mine.’ He finally said, hoarse, but honest.
Jonghyun’s answer came immediately, ‘Hyung, I was yours from the moment you opened your mouth and introduced yourself. I just didn’t know it yet.’
That day, Jonghyun had thought Jinki to be younger than him. And Jinki had just let Jonghyun show him around the company, completely enamoured by the slighty shorter, but handsome guy leading the way.
Jinki smiled at the memory, then his smile turned wider as the full force of it hit him. His. Jonghyun was entirely his. It felt surreal and completely natural at the same time. Like his body might just disintegrate from the sheer amount of emotional turmoil inside of him. But what settled was a deep sense of belonging.
‘My love.’ Jinki began, a sudden sense of bravery causing him to use the endearment so easily. ‘We have to get cleaned up.’
Jonghyun groaned, then shifted closer to him. ‘You can’t just call me that and expect me to behave.’
Jinki didn’t understand immediately, until he felt Jonghyun roll his hips into his side, his hardening cock pressing against him.
Oh. Oh.
Jinki felt hot all over, getting worked up again even though he had just finished moments ago.
‘Jjong-ah,’ Jinki turned towards him, ‘I’m going to get us into the bathroom, I’m going to make you come in my mouth, and then I’m going to clean you up.’ He didn’t really know exactly how he managed to say all that but somehow the floodgates seemed to have opened. You never have to be shy. And he wouldn’t be. Not with Jonghyun, not with the one who had always accepted him so easily, so lovingly.
‘Jesus. Okay. Okay, yes.’ Jonghyun scrambled from under the covers, already heading towards the bathroom. Jinki chuckled because of his sudden haste, then took his time to follow him. He entered the shower just when Jonghyun turned on the water.
There, he went to his knees. Completely uncaring about the cold tiles on his skin. Because as soon as he closed his lips around Jonghyun’s cock he forgot about everything around him except for Jonghyun’s moans and gasps. He didn’t pay attention to anything except for the feeling of Jonghyun fucking into his mouth until he released and Jinki swallowed, satisfied with the broken sound coming from somewhere deep within Jonghyun’s chest. As soon as he was done and shaking from overstimulation he pulled out, and got Jinki to stand up, then instantly kissed him, mumbling about how good he had been and hot he was. Jinki thought nothing could satisfy him more than making Jonghyun feel good, than letting him feel his love in this way. But Jonghyun proved him wrong by wrapping his hand around his hard length and stroking slowly at first, then faster, all the while keeping their lips connected. Jinki came embarrassingly fast but Jonghyun didn’t seem to care, he just held him through it, still whispering affirmations into his neck.
When they finished showering a second time that evening, they were bone tired, and Jinki found himself wondering if this would be the first of many nights they would spend together. He had put on clean sheets too, knowing Jonghyun would like it and indeed he sighed appreciatively as he entered the bed, still naked, not bothering to put on clothes for now.
‘Tomorrow we’ll face the world, okay? Tonight it’s just you and me. Nothing else.’ Jonghyun said, and Jinki nodded. ‘Don’t think about anything but me.’
Jinki thought even if he wanted to, he would never stop thinking about Jonghyun with at least one part of him. Still, he pulled Jonghyun closer until where he ended, Jonghyun began and they were one and the same. Just skin on warm skin.
They fell asleep together, Jonghyun following Jinki faster than he’d ever deemed possible.