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"I'm fine, Sunoo."
Sunoo sighs, a long, drawn out sound. Riki isn't fine. Sunoo knows that tone of voice better than anyone else. It's clipped, short, and to the untrained ear, it might sound as if Riki doesn't care. Perhaps even a bit rude.
But Sunoo knows better.
Riki is hurt. He's hurt that Sunoo is leaving. He's hurt watching Sunoo kneel on the floor, folding shirt after shirt until neatly placed edges become messier with repetition. Riki, who is against Sunoo's headboard, is hurt.
"Angel, talk to me." Sunoo leans back on his heels and straightens up, rounding his bed to settle next to his boyfriend. He laces their hands together — Riki's palms are so, so sweaty. He's nervous.
Riki huffs, gaze averted, "There's nothing to talk about, Sunoo. I'm fine, okay? We've — We've talked about this so many times. I'm ready." He sounds more unsure as he continues to speak, like he’s trying to convince himself of something even he doesn’t believe. Sunoo reaches a hand up to gently cup Riki's face, thumbing against soft skin.
"Well, I'm not ready." Sunoo admits easily, shrugging his shoulders. Riki's eyes glance over finally, a flash of something that Sunoo can't decipher.
"You're not?" Riki asks, voice quiet. Small. So unlike his bright, happy boy.
Sunoo weakly smiles, "Of course I'm not. This is all I've ever known, Riki. You know how sentimental I get." He tries joking, but it falls flat. The only sound in the room is the soft whirring of his ceiling fan.
Riki looks down. "What if I'm never ready, though?" His voice cracks, and Sunoo tightens his grip on Riki's hand.
"Baby…"
"You're going off to a university and I'm just— I'm here, right? You're leaving me all alone here, Sunoo. It's not fair." To anyone else, Riki would sound angry.
Sunoo knows better — his baby is scared.
"I'm only an hour away, babe," Sunoo keeps his tone gentle. "You could come see me whenever you want. Have I ever not made time for you?"
Riki doesn't answer. They both know the answer, anyway. Inseparable since childhood, Sunoo and Riki ultimately come as a package deal. Where you find Sunoo, you'd find a younger boy a couple inches taller with an arm around Sunoo's shoulder — protective and kind. Where you find Riki, you'd find sunlight hanging over his arm, laughing loudly with his head thrown back — warm and soft.
The gap of school years between the two of them isn't — well, wasn't — something they worried about too much. That's until Sunoo had asked Riki over one night before his senior year started to look over possible future colleges.
Riki cried himself to sleep that night, unbeknownst to Sunoo.
"That's not the point." Riki argues, blinking rapidly. "You're starting an entire chapter of your life without me. I can't be there for it. You're going to— to meet people and have inside jokes with them, and you're not going to want your stupid high school boyfriend to follow you around campus, and—"
A hand clasps over Riki's mouth with a soft smack. Riki's eyes dart up to his boyfriend's, who is staring at him with his lips turned down.
"You are in every chapter of my life, Riki. How could you ever doubt that?" Sunoo whispers, slowly lowering his hand.
Riki blinks, "I don't doubt it, I really don't, I just… I'm so scared you're going to realize there's better out there, you know? Better than… me."
Sunoo feels tears come to his own eyes. It makes his heart ache that these thoughts even cross his lover's mind. Not only that, this clearly has been weighing on him — for just how long is the question.
"You're such an idiot, Riki." Sunoo brings his hand up and roughly wipes at his own cheeks. "How could you think that? Why would you say that?"
"Well it's true—"
"No, it's not true!" Sunoo shouts back. "I've been in love with you since fifth grade, Riki. Do you seriously think that I'm going to, like, search for someone else? Is that what you think?"
Riki shakes his head, straightening up a bit. "No! Of course not! I'm just— shit, Sunoo, you never know!"
Sunoo is quiet after that, his mind reeling with the sudden onslaught of emotions. Tears burn hot down his cheeks, which is only a little bit annoying, seeing that the tears in Riki's eyes have yet to fall.
"Would it…" Sunoo trails off, and Riki gives him space. The quiet fills the room, expanding to every corner. Suffocating.
"What if I gave myself to you?" Sunoo finally says. Riki's eyes widen almost instantly. If Sunoo wasn't so damn sad, he'd probably laugh about it.
"Like… Like, you mean…"
"Yes, Riki. That."
Riki shakes his head instantly, "I'm not having sex with you for the first time out of like, insecurity, or something. I'm not doing that to you."
Oh, Sunoo loves him so much it aches.
Sunoo moves slowly as he straddles Riki's lap, settling into a place he's familiar with. Big hands fall to his hips like a magnet, fingers dipping just beneath his shirt to splay wide against warm skin.
"I want you. It's not out of insecurity, Riki. I want to give this part of myself to you. It's always belonged to you, anyway." Sunoo murmurs, fingers playing with the ends of Riki's hair on the nape of his neck.
Suddenly, they're kissing. It's a familiar push and pull; Sunoo letting Riki take take take, plush lips moving passionately against the elder's. They know each other inside and out at this point; Sunoo knows how much Riki loves it when he nips against his bottom lip, loves when Sunoo pants softly against his lips when his breath escapes him. Riki knows just how to hold Sunoo against him, long arms winding around his body pulling Sunoo closer and closer.
"I love you so much." Riki breaks the kiss, words spoken against his lips like a prayer. "You know that, right?"
Sunoo nods, kissing Riki again as if he couldn't resist. "I know, baby. I know. I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."
It's something Sunoo has pictured countless times in his head; how would Riki take him? Would it be with the normal confidence he carries himself with, or would he be too flustered and shy to even work himself up to that point?
Sunoo never thought that Riki would be so gentle.
Long fingers dip into him with a precision and care so unfamiliar, Sunoo almost can't believe it. Words of affirmation and praises are whispered against his skin, marking him without physical evidence.
You're opening up so good for me, Sunoo.
I knew you'd be so pretty like this, baby.
I don't want to hurt you.
You'll tell me if I'm hurting you, right?
I love you so much.
Sunoo lays on his back against sheets that he's grown up on, the same sheets in which two very much younger boys shared a timid, hesitant first kiss in the wee hours of a summer morning. Sunoo's not a mindreader, but Riki's expression seems to be mirroring the elder's thoughts.
So many memories. So much growth. The continuation of time and changes despite every effort to keep everything the same.
Sunoo feels the first press of Riki against him the same time he watches Riki's face crumble, his eyebrows drawn tight together as his bottom lip wobbles.
"Oh, honey…"
As Riki presses himself in, he presses himself down against Sunoo, burying his face in the safe space where his shoulder meets his neck. Sunoo keeps one hand thrown over Riki's shoulder whilst the other cradles his head gently.
"Are you okay?" Sunoo asks, though his voice is strained and breathless. It feels as if his body is molding itself to Riki's being, just as his entire existence has done over time.
Riki only nods. Sunoo can feel wetness against his skin, can hear small hiccups and whimpers coming from his sweet boy. He can only cradle him closer, pressing kisses alongside his temple.
It's not painful. Of course it's not — nothing with Riki ever is. Even as Riki begins to shallowly thrust, Sunoo feels nothing but stars bursting behind his vision.
"Oh, Riki…" Sunoo breathes out, tossing his head back against his pillow. "That feels so good, Riki."
"Sunoo…"
Sunoo figures he should've known their first time would be like this; his sweet boy, pressed against every inch of his skin inside and out, sniffling into the crevice of his shoulder. With time, his thrusts begin to grow more confident, giving them a purpose.
Needing some form of grounding, Sunoo's hand moves behind him, splaying against the headboard as he arches against Riki. Finally, Riki lifts his head solely to ravage kisses along the column of Sunoo's neck. What started soft, slow and sweet is slowly flickering into something burning.
Riki's arms slide underneath Sunoo and he lifts his hips ever so slightly, the elder's lower back arched off the bed. The new angle makes Sunoo shout out in both surprise and pleasure, the sound choking off into a keen.
"Does it feel good?" Riki asks, breathless.
Sunoo's hair bounces from both his nods and the thrusts, "Fuck me, Riki— God, keep fucking me. It's so good."
Unsurprisingly, neither of them last quite long. It's Sunoo who finishes first, untouched, clenching around Riki like a vice as he shakes in the safety of his lover's arms. Riki isn't far after, hips grinding as deep as they could go as he pulses inside of Sunoo, a groan being ripped from his throat.
They pant as they come down from their high. Riki pulls back first, gazing down at Sunoo. Sunoo can still see the tear tracks on Riki's face, and he reaches up, tiredly wiping them away.
"Was I okay?" Riki asks as he leans into his touch. Sunoo smiles, tapping his cheek.
"No, I came because I hated it." He teases, and Riki huffs before giving a short, quick thrust. Sunoo squeaks and instantly pinches Riki's cheek.
"Don't tease, I'm serious." Riki whines, pulling his head away from Sunoo's hand.
Sunoo's expression becomes fond as he gazes up at his boyfriend. He smiles and nods, leaning up to press their lips together. "I hope you come visit me a lot, baby. I could get addicted to that, I think." He confesses.
"You think?" Riki echoes, but a smile is creeping onto his lips.
"Guess you'll have to come visit me and find out."
Cleaning up only requires one Google search upon Sunoo's insistence, so it isn't long until they're cuddled up under the sheets. Riki has his head against Sunoo's chest, body draped over the elder's like a blanket. His arms are wrapped around his body again, keeping Sunoo close.
"You know," Sunoo begins softly, gently carding his fingers through Riki's hair. "You're never getting rid of me.. right?"
Riki huffs, cheek smooshed against Sunoo's chest. "There's nowhere on this Earth you could go that I wouldn't find you, Sunoo."
"Creepy."
"It's romantic, be nice."
Sunoo giggles quietly. A silence follows after, but it's not unwelcome. As Riki lays against his chest, Sunoo's eyes dart over to his unfinished suitcase, clothes scattered on his floor alongside packs of pencils and highlighters.
That isn't important right now, though. No, the only thing that Sunoo cares about is the sweet boy in his arms. His darling boy who feels so much more than he'd ever let anyone assume. His baby Riki, who he couldn't — wouldn't — do this life without.
With a gentle kiss to the top of Riki's head, Sunoo knows they'll be just fine. What's an hour of distance compared to a lifetime of love, anyway?