Work Text:
Jane Shepard had always been good at compartmentalizing. She had to be - holding the galaxy on her shoulders took its toll on a person. She wasn’t necessarily proud of all of her decisions. She had made the wrong choice, chosen the violent or angry path, refused to step in to help time and time again, et cetera. She was alright with it though - as alright as she could be, anyways. She was short tempered, harsh, but every decision she had made was calculated and chosen based on the fewest number of people dying. Sometimes that meant something simple, like killing a crime lord to break up their syndicate. Sometimes it was a lot more complicated, like letting Garrus kill Sidonis despite his remorse. There wasnt a direct life she was saving, but the galaxy needed Garrus at his best and she couldn’t afford to possibly ostracize him. The thought of having him off the ship caused a panic that rivaled being spaced.
However hard she tried though, Morinth had broken through her walls. She had been able to resist the Ardat-Yakshi long enough for Samara to come in and help, but Morinth still left a mark on her. The strongest emotions she’d felt in years coursed through her, refusing to be silenced by her steel trap mind. It was almost indescribable, the only way she could think to categorize it as was painfully intense.
**
“EDI, mission update?”
“Commander Shepard boarded the ship 15 minutes ago. She appeared agitated despite Samara’s reports that the mission had been a success,” the AI replied.
15 minutes ago echoed in Garrus’s mind. He had hated the idea of her going on this mission. Using herself as bait, not going in armed, not even allowing him to join her. He knew logically why all of those things had to happen, but it got under his plates all the same. He was normally last in her nightly rotation, but before she left, she promised him that she would stop by the battery as soon as she got back to let him know she was alright.
She probably just forgot, he rationalized, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling that something had gone horribly wrong. Sure, she was back, but that didn’t mean she was okay. Agitated? He had heard the rumors and seen first hand that she could be cold, ruthless, vindictive, but he had never seen her lose her cool. She had always had that icy sort of scary demeanor. “EDI, where is she?”
“Commander Shepard is exercising in the vehicle bay. Samara has recommended she be left alone.”
“And are you enforcing that?” There was a little more edge to his voice than intended, but the AI didn’t seem to pick it up.
“The justicar does not have the clearance to restrict entry to any part of the ship. The only parties with such clearance are Commander Shepard, Mr. Moreau, and Officer Vakarian.”
That last part surprised him. He had executive power? Why hadn’t Shepard said anything? To be fair, she was always taking him with her on missions and she had told him he’s her number two more times than he could count. But trusting him in charge of her ship struck something deep inside him. He immediately forgot that she hadn’t come to see him, and he was starting to feel more and more like she might need some help.
“Got it, EDI. I’m going to head down there - once I do, please block off access to anyone except myself or Shepard.”
“Yes, Officer Vakarian.”
One of these days he would convince the AI to just call him Garrus, but that wasn’t the issue at hand. He rushed over to the elevator, pushed the button for the bottom deck, hearing it close out behind him. The elevator ride was quick, and the doors opened just in time for him to see Shepard send a punching bag flying off its chains with a single punch.
**
Shepard was losing it. It felt like she was on fire, unable to think through anything or do anything calming. Morinth had gotten in her head, scrambling her brain until she couldn’t see anything but a red vignette. They had been hoping that the effects would fade after Morinth died, but the walk back from Omega did nothing but make it worse. She was desperate, but had no idea what for. She knew she was supposed to go talk to Garrus, but she didn’t want him to see her in this state. Instead, she went up to her cabin, changed into a sports bra and shorts—nearly ripping her dress off in the process—and went down to the vehicle hold. Jacob had set up some exercise equipment there for her a while back, one of many not-so-subtle ploys for her love or attention. She had finally gotten down to the makeshift gym, ready to beat the shit out of her punching bag until whatever spell she was under wore off, when she landed one single punch that sent the bag flying off its chains.
She was pissed. She needed to fight something, beat something up, and her punching bag couldn’t even handle one hit. To be fair, the amount of adrenaline running through her meant she punched like a charging bull, but it didn’t make it any less frustrating.
“Need a hand?”
She whipped her head over to the elevator where Garrus stood, watching. She was angry with him for surprising her, pissed at herself for letting him see her like this, but there was something else. Some part of the fire engulfing her grew hotter, but it wasn’t the torture she had been feeling prior. This was closer to anticipation, excitement.
I could ask him. He’d probably do it. Hell, he just offered to help.
Maybe it was just because she needed something to beat up and knew her armored friend could take it—or maybe it was something even more primal, salivating at the idea of being close to him.
“Wanna spar?”
**
Spirits, this was a terrible idea.
Garrus had never seen Shepard like this. The closest he had gotten was on Omega when he got hit by that rocket, but that was pure rage. This was something far more…desperate.
Turians had very specific mating practices that made it difficult to engage with other species. They were covered in spikes and natural armor, they tended to be very large, and they were almost all very rough. The second Shepard asked if he wanted to spar, he was shot back to a recon scout he sparred with back in his military days - they went nine rounds and ended on a tie, just to go to a private room for a different couple rounds. The sex was great, but he couldn’t stand her and had since been very careful about his sparring partners, especially women.
But here Shepard was, actually asking for his help without him having to drag it out of her. Besides, he had just offered. He couldn’t exactly say no—or, if he did, Shepard would either want to know why or would be disappointed in him—and he couldn’t decide which was worse.
I can do this. It’s Shepard. I can control myself.
“Absolutely.”
**
Thank god.
Shepard wasn’t sure what she would have done if he refused. She needed an outlet and Garrus was the only one she trusted enough to let him see her like this. He was also the only one she trusted not to make a big deal of this whole thing or to let her hurt him beyond a bruise or two.
Huffing, she stomped over to the sparring mat and squared up. She had never fought Garrus hand to hand before. However good he was though, his skills lay with distance and patience. She was a soldier through and through, and had no qualms about getting her hands a little dirty. She preferred it, really—it felt more real that way.
Garrus followed closely behind her, stripping off his armor as he went. Underarmor wasn’t the best workout outfit, but it was perfectly fine. Plus, Shepard was not about to wait for him to go change outfits. The second he planted his feet and raised his fists, she lunged.
She had studied every race out there, making sure she knew the anatomy and the weak points in order to fight the hardest, shoot the straightest, and kill the fastest. Salarians would protect their eyes at all costs. Krogan had a soft spot under their chin. It was Turians she knew the best, though. They had extremely sensitive waists, along with a soft spot on the backs of their heads under their fringe.
She lunged forward, throwing a few punches at his chest as a fake-out before throwing a hard hook into his waist. The chest punches he was able to deflect with ease, but the waist caught him off guard. He tried to dodge her, but she was ever so slightly faster than him and clipped him anyways. She watched as Garrus seemed to short circuit for a moment before snapping back and returning her volley of punches.
He was fast, but she was faster. He had the strength, she had the speed; he had the endurance, she had the head start; he had the reach, she had the flexibility.
**
Spirits, why did she have to go for the waist???
Shepard was an incredible combatant, and Garrus knew it. He wouldn’t have been surprised if this ended with her kicking his ass. If it had been a fair fight, it might have. But Shepard was out of it—she was unpredictable, making odd strategic choices and telegraphing her moves. He had seen her spar before, and she never threw the first punch, but today she barely waited until he was on the mat. The waist was a low blow, but in dodging the hit his waist ended up being barely grazed by her fist. He started, confused for a second, before realizing how long it had been since someone touched him there.
Control yourself. She didn’t mean it like that. It’s just sparring, and there will not be a tiebreaker.
Snapping himself back to the present, he started to return her hits. As time went on, it was clear that this wasn’t helping her. She was becoming more reckless, leaving herself open far too long. Her eyes still seemed cloudy, despite the number of solid punches she had managed to land. Soon enough, she took a false step and Garrus seized the opportunity to get her into a pin.
**
Shepard was getting worse. She could feel herself getting more desperate. She had landed a good number of punches, but something was still screaming - not enough, NOT ENOUGH!. Everything was foggy, all available brainpower being redirected to deal with the fire she couldn’t put out. That almost-pleasant heat was still burning in the background, and she was losing it trying to get it all to stop. She took a risky move and next thing she knew, Garrus was on her, pinning her fully to the ground with him hovering directly over her.
She hit the ground with a moan.
**
Did she… just…
Garrus froze the second the moan left her lips. He hadn’t known before if he felt anything for his commander in that way, but seeing her pinned beneath him and hearing her moan, he knew he was into her. Bad.
She’s still out of it, he reasoned with himself, it wouldn’t be right. But as he looked into her eyes for any sign that she knew what just happened, they were the clearest they’d been all night.
**
The sex demon made me need sex. God, I’m so fucking stupid.
It felt obvious now to Shepard, who had gotten the tiniest glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, and who now knew her ticket out was kneeling over her, holding her hands down.
“Shepard?”
She couldn’t do or say anything. She was trapped like a deer in headlights, realization crashing down on her that she wanted—no, NEEDED—Garrus to fuck her into the mat, to rail her into the next decade. She also knew how much he meant to her as a friend, and that she could not win this war without him. A galaxy without him in it wasn’t worth saving. The thought of losing him over this sent ice shooting down her spine.
“Shepard, are you okay?”
He moved his hands to her face in order to try and snap her out of it, releasing her hands in the process. The second he did, any hesitation she had was forgotten and her arms were around his neck, pulling him hard into a human kiss.
**
Spirits, he wanted her. And it was clear that it would help her, that what she really needed was a good pounding. But no matter what, he couldn’t—wouldn’t—do anything without her permission. He tried to get her attention, get her to say anything at all. She just stared at him, with some unreadable expression in her eyes. When finally he went to shake her out of her stupor, she smashed her mouth into his.
Caught off guard (and without any lips), he didn’t do anything when she did. She pulled away just as he remembered having seen humans do something similar, but with a lot more tongue, down at Chora’s Den on the Citadel.
He was about to ask her, insist that she give him verbal consent, talk her through turian mating practices, when she ran her fingertips across the soft patch on the back of his neck, just under his fringe, effectively snapping his last little bit of self control.
He dove down at her, pressing his mouth to hers and his forehead to hers. He would explain what it meant later, but now he couldn’t think of anything except turning the woman beneath him into a huffing, moaning mess.
**
For a second, Shepard thought she had seriously fucked up. She had kissed her best friend with no warning and no indication from him that he would even be interested in her—and his species didn’t even kiss. He didn’t reciprocate or pull away, he just stayed completely still until she pulled off. She laid back, absentmindedly running her fingers across his fringe while trying to stifle the ever-burning fire raging inside her enough to do damage control. She mindlessly brushed over the spot she knew was a tactical weak point, about to force herself to pull her arms away, when he dove at her, kissing her hard and holding their foreheads together. The second their mouths collided, Shepard let out another small moan, Garrus taking the opportunity to snake his tongue into her mouth.
Shepard was only in a bra and shorts, but Garrus still had his undersuit on. She fumbled around blindly for a zipper before finally just deciding to rip it off. He groaned in response, to which she replied “I’ll buy you another” before moving her hands over his cowl, carapace, and down to his waist. Before she could make it there, he broke the kiss, moving his mouth and tongue over her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, interspersing a few bites with the licks as he went. Her fingers flew back to the spot that had made him lose control as he got to her chest, causing him to growl and bite down on her - not hard enough to break the skin, but significantly harder than his previous little love bites.
“Spirits, Shepard…”,
“Jane”, she corrected through her moans.
He paused for a second, his talons just under the band of her sports bra, ready to pull it off.
“I thought you hated being called Jane.”
“If you’re going to fuck me half as hard as I’m going to beg you to, you can call me whatever the fuck you like.”
**
Spirits, this woman is going to be the death of me.
He leaned down, growling into her ear, “You sure you can handle taking it rough from a turian?”
He figured it would be a good litmus test, see how much she really wanted to be railed since they didn’t get a chance to talk beforehand about boundaries. She fucking whimpered.
He closed one hand over her throat, not squeezing just yet, saying “I can give it to you rough, Jane, but you’re going to need to tell me when you’re ready and if at any point you need to stop.”
“I’m ready.”
“Jane, we’ve barely-“
“Please, Garrus”, she interrupted, “I need this. I need you so, so badly. Please.” The last word was almost a whisper, drowned out by the roaring of his subvocals and the sound of ripping fabric.
With one fluid motion, he had ripped her shorts to ribbons and split her sports bra open down the middle. Seeing her before him, open and willing and dripping, he almost lost it. If she hadn’t been begging him to fuck her, he would have shoved his face between her legs tongue first and not let up until she couldn’t remember her own name.
I’m going to taste her, he vowed, I need to know what she feels like twitching on my tongue.
He had been out of his slit since she first moaned when he pinned her. Ignoring how desperate that made him look—as if she was going to notice—he lined himself up to her entrance. He pushed into her gently at first, unsure how much of him would actually fit. She seemed so small in comparison to him, and he didn’t want to hurt her, but he found that she molded perfectly to his cock, her walls squeezing in on him tightly as if they never wanted to let him go. He bottomed out, his hips hitting her ass as he brought her ankles up to rest on his shoulders, making them both moan loudly in unison.
She felt perfect. He fit inside her perfectly, and seeing her stretch around him nearly finished him right there.
Spirits, there is no world in which I don’t knot her.
**
Garrus fitting his entire blue, ribbed, self-lubricating cock inside her in one go was the best thing Shepard had ever felt. It was like an emptiness she didn’t know was there had finally gone away. Right as she was about to beg him to start, he pulled almost all the way out and slammed himself back in hard. She cried out, and in that split second she was ruined for humans—no one could ever compete with her Garrus.
The fire that had been torturing her since she shot Morinth began to truly subside, the mounting pleasure of Garrus driving into her taking its place. She could hear her own voice, moaning and pleading with him to not stop, telling him how good he felt and how close she was. She could tell he was talking, trying to tell her something, but she couldn’t focus long enough to make it out. Quickly, she found herself at the edge of a galaxy-shattering orgasm, screaming and twitching around him as he pulled her through to the other side with him.
**
He had been trying to tell her that he was close; that he would have to stop soon to not knot, when suddenly she tightened around him, screaming out endless profanities and pleads as she came. It was more than enough to push him into bliss with her, slamming his mouth down on hers in order to prevent him from marking her.
He bottomed out fully, his knot expanding as he came, sending rope after rope of cum deep inside her. Releasing the kiss, Garrus pulled back to see Jane staring up at him, panting, eyes clear as day.
**
Everything that had happened from the moment she and Samara left Afterlife came rushing back to her, like remembering a particularly vivid dream right as you wake up. Disoriented and more than a little satisfied, only one thought rang out in her mind.
That is the best sex I have ever had.
It was hard to focus on being a commander when your best friend, right hand man, and the guy you trust more than anything else in the galaxy was panting above you with your legs around his waist and his massive cock inside you.
“Jane?”
She recognized his tone of voice, knew he was asking if she was okay, if she was back to herself, and—most importantly—if they were okay. She was back, she knew that much, though explaining every single thing running through her mind, from wondering if he was a willing participant to begging him for a round two seemed like a Herculean task. Instead, she settled for something much simpler that would allow her to diffuse the tension and test the waters.
“God, Garrus, if I knew you could do that I’d have asked you to spar way earlier.”
**
He couldn’t help but laugh at her joke—at least he knew she was back to being herself. He wrapped his arms around her, shifting them to a sitting position.
“Seriously, though, Shep—are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. Mortified, but alright.”
She moved to get off of his lap as she spoke, quickly finding herself stuck.
“Hey, uh… Garrus?”
“Hm?”
“Why can’t I get off?”
“I’m pretty sure you did get off, actually,” he said with his best approximation of a smirk.
She rolled her eyes, unable to hide her smile.
“Very funny, big guy. Seriously though—why can’t I leave?”
Ah, he thought to himself, Humans must not do this.
“Ri-right, w-well…”
**
He was looking away from her as he explained, his neck bright blue, and she couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at her indignantly as she said through giggles, “I’m sorry Garrus, you just get so clinical when you’re uncomfortable.”
He was staring at her with an unreadable expression, and it was starting to become difficult to ignore the fact that this hadn’t exactly been consensual.
She took a breath, then said “Alright, you said we’re stuck here for a bit?” He nodded, unable to meet her gaze again. She felt the rising shame, knowing he didn’t want to be stuck to her, before shoving it down and accepting her fate. She had already fucked up the most important relationship in the universe to her, she might as well bite the bullet. She knew this was the most vulnerable he would ever see her be, but he deserved everything she could give and a bit more after that.
Taking a shaky breath, she said “Look, Garrus, I am so so sorry.” That managed to make him perk up again, so she continued, “The last thing I ever wanted was to make you uncomfortable. You mean the world to me, and the thought that you felt like you had to do this makes me wish they had never brought me back. I know that there’s nothing I can do to make it okay, but please know I’ll stop at nothing to try.”
**
He sat in stunned silence as she apologized to him. He couldn’t believe that she honestly thought she had assaulted him. He came back to the present, realizing she would ramble on her apologies until he yelled at her or asked to be dropped off at the Citadel.
The second he registered that she wished Cerberus hadn’t brought her back, he smashed his mouth to hers, catching her by surprise and earning him a small yelp.
“Don’t you ever say that again,” he growled in between kisses, “You coming back was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don’t ever forget that.”
He pulled back to look at her, tears in her eyes threatening to spill down.
“But, Garrus-“
“But nothing. You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be apologizing to you. You weren’t in the right state of mind and I took advantage of that. I-“ he tried to continue, but Shepard had grabbed his face to kiss him this time.
“No,” she said, resting her forehead on his, making him think that maybe she did know what that meant. “I needed help and you helped me. There’s no part of this that could possibly be your fault.” It was her turn to look sheepishly off to the side. “Honestly, if anyone else had come down here, I don’t think I would have asked them for the same sort of help.”
He gave her a small, lopsided grin, about to come back with some witty retort, when EDI chimed in.
“Commander Shepard, Officer Vakarian; Doctor Chakwas has expressed concern over the Commander’s state after her interaction with the Ardat-Yakshi.”
**
Shepard winced, knowing there was no universe in which she got to keep this hidden from Karin.
“EDI, please report that the effects have worn off with… activity; and that I will need hydration packets and rations—both levo and dextro—delivered to outside my cabin, please.”
“Of course, Commander—right away.”
She realized her misstep too late, that she and Garrus hadn’t actually discussed what was next.
“You, uh, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to, I was thinking, I just thought—“
He cut off her stuttered explanation with one last kiss, lifting them both off the ground together to walk towards the elevator.
“I would love to.”