Work Text:
Q: “What are your thoughts about MIZI?”
A: “I think MIZI was a really good singer. A shame she's missing right now. I would have loved to hear her sing.”
Ivan saw Mizi from time to time. The girl was always there, trapped in a pink bubble filled with eternal sunshine.
She was a stark difference from Ivan's own self. Ivan was something akin to a black shadow; stuck there until someone noticed.
Being deemed “the good kid” in ANAKT never really meant special favors. What it meant was training, constant vocal lessons, smiling lessons.
But Ivan didn't mind. He was used to this. Everything was fine.
Q: “What are your thoughts about SUA?”
A: “Nothing, really. I never talked to her. Her voice was pretty, though.”
“I hate you.” Were the first words Ivan had uttered when he saw Sua hold Mizis hand for the first time.
There was something coiling in his gut, stark green amidst the reds of his innards. It didn't throb, more like it prodded until it found something to latch on to, something deep in the confines of flesh and blood.
Sua didn't say anything then. Only smiled. A small one, one that Ivan rarely sees. And that prodding little green intestine stung and stung.
Ivan wonders how it'd feel to hold someone the way Sua holds Mizi sometimes.
Q: “What are your thoughts on ALIEN STAGE’S ROUND 1 Disqualification of SUA?”
A: “I think it was expected. I find MIZI’s voice more beautiful than SUA’s.”
He's heard the two girls sing. Sua was always apathetic, never really showing any emotion. Whilst Mizi's showed a lot; everything. The girl was an open book, easy to read.
Ivan guesses that's what Sua likes most about her.
Ivan has always liked the way Mizi sounds. Her voice was deep, and it was filled with passion.
But Ivan liked another person's voice. One that rarely showed up during training, and when he did, he'd be bruised. Battered and beaten until he was in a crooked shape.
But his voice was something else.
Ivan had felt something then. Something other than that disgusting snake of an intestine. Something fluttering. Something…flowery.
A jungle was growing in his innards by the time he came to realize what it all truly meant.
Q: “Do you have any plans in beating your opponent in ROUND 6?”
A: “I have nothing. I just hope to satisfy every single one of you watching. I hope you enjoy ROUND 6.”
Ivan found himself digging deeper and deeper into the jungle when he found a butterfly. He clutched it deep, and never really let it go.
That is, until the butterfly got scared of comets and red skies.
He never really understood why the butterfly was scared then. It wasn't scared when it came face to face with a monster. But showing the butterfly a comet and the starry blood sky, it flew away from his grasp.
The butterfly was perched atop a pink bubble by the time Ivan came to. The snake was coiling again, now deeper, darker, stronger with more venom in its bite.
Ivan found himself smiling so wide, he thought his cheeks would explode.
Q: “Do you think you have what it takes to beat Till?”
A: “What I want most is for the people to enjoy a good show. After all, we're entertainment aren't we?”
A black comet flew by in a flash, and everything Ivan ever wanted exploded; an explosion of terrific blue stars and the intestines of a fleshy guitar.
He watched Till compete, and he watched him with a fire in his eyes. He must be disappointed. Mizi was sad, and the person Till is singing to wasn't even paying attention to him.
Ivan thought it irony, but now that it was happening to him as well, he— He fully expected it.
Till would never spare a second glance to a person with a jungle in their body. Till would never spare a second glance to a person with fingers pulling at their mouth to make them smile.
But, still, the comet explodes, and the snake coils in his stomach and munches on leaves.
Q: “Who do you think will win ROUND 6?”
The question tore in the back of his mind for quite some time. Ivan already knew who was going to win, but did he?
Mizi and Sua certainly looked like they knew— But in the end, Sua was the one that died.
“Why are you here again?” Ivan found himself talking to an empty furniture, seeing Sua all in her lonesome. It was disappointing, still having visions of the girl he hates to the point of dampening his memory of shapes of her.
Sua smiles at him, that same annoying smile. “Because I wanted to wish you goodluck.”
Ivan finds himself scoffing as he sits down on the sofa facing Sua. He's lucky to have an owner that lets him have his own space, even if the space is used for things such as this: talking to a ghost, with freckled light splashing in the dark of the room.
“You're making fun of me.” Is what he finds himself saying with a large grin. He can never really accuse Sua of anything— he treated her like a little sister.
Sua just laughs. “Maybe I am. You're stupid, you know?” And Ivan did know. He knew just how stupid he was– “You'd be famous by now. People would spoil you to death. Who knows, even be the new LUKA. But you're leaving all that for this. For him.”
The scathing retort doesn't even make Ivan feel bad. He just smiles, and when he does, he finds the jungle in his gut growing tenfold.
“You did the same too.”
Sua doesn't respond, only stares at Ivan with disappointment. Ivan sighs, and looks at Sua then.
“Do you know what it felt like to kiss Mizi?”
And, maybe it was a bad idea. To ask his little sister a question so personal. Because Sua smiles—a feral one, unseen in the eyes of the normal, but oh so seen in Ivan's own imagination—and just stares.
“You're going to have to find out for yourself.”
The answer was expected. Little bastard. She knew how to get Ivan's gears going, and even in the dead of night, and the death of his companion, Sua still knew how to make Ivan amused.
The room turns silent, and Ivan thinks of the question once more.
He knows Till will win. Wants him to win. Because he'll do anything.
He thinks it's repentance, he thinks it's redemption, he thinks it's to get his attention. Ivan can think of this however he wants, but one thing is clear: this is for Tills safety.
“You're sure about the plan?” Sua asks him, pulling him out of his ringing ears and in the current space and time.
Ivan shrugs. “Not really.”
Not really, with such clarity that it loses its meaning. Not really, said in a way that means yes, yes he does.
Silence. And then, Sua scoffs.
“You're so stupid.”
And he knows. He knows that he is. Ivan was stupid when he thought of this plan, Ivan was stupid when he thought of looking at the comets outside, and Ivan was stupid when he fell in love with a gray butterfly.
Ivan was stupid when he ignored the whole jungle in his innards.
And by the time he came to, he realized it was too late— It was growing, and growing, and growing—
A piercing sound.
Then, silence.
Ivan asked Sua what it was like to die. Sua didn't say, only smiled, and said a remark that would have Ivan laughing a little.
Now, he knows what it feels like.
It's warm, were the first thought that came to mind. Blood is pooling in the white outfit, and Ivan can feel his senses blinking bit by bit.
The flickering of the lights, and Till is in front of him.
He can't even say anything, only smiles. Till has tears in his eyes and his face is filled with sweat.
Ivan would always wipe it for him, but he's losing strength in his arms to even raise them.
In that silence, Ivan sees Sua.
And he finds it in himself to laugh.
You were right, he whispers to the amalgamation. I finally know what it feels like to kiss someone.
He sees Sua smile a little, a fraction of what the girl can make when she's with the one she loves, and she opens her mouth to say—
“You're so stupid.”
And Ivan laughs.