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"So, should I already book our next flight here, Jungkook? Same time in two years?"
Jungkook half-heartedly chuckles in response, eyes fixed on the snowy road before he steals a quick glance at Jimin.
Too quick. He can’t tell from Jimin’s face, but he hears it in his voice: despite the subtle glee in his tone, Jimin’s feeling down.
They both are. They both know it. They’re both trying to fight it, but they can’t stop time from moving on, and the trip will have to end somehow. They’ve both accepted it, but it doesn’t make the drive back any less melancholic.
“Two years,” Jungkook repeats, “Isn’t it a bit too early?”
“It’s just so we have something to look forward to,” Jimin softly defends, “So that we’re forced to come here again, even if we get busy by then. So that neither of us would break our promise.”
“I wouldn’t dare break our promise. It’d be a little too depressing if I did.”
Just as he expected, another lighthearted conversation turns gloomy.
And following it is the usual silence from two inconsolable souls, a silence filled with so much longing, and maybe so many words unsaid too, held back as if they’re mourning both what's passed and what's about to happen.
The cold air hits their faces as they zoom past snow-covered trees with the windows down. It’s all so lovely, but Jungkook couldn’t enjoy it as much as he should.
“When we come back here,” Jimin says after a while, much softer than before, “I’ll be the one to drive, so you can just sit and stare outside. I’ll learn to be a better cook too, hm? I'll cook better food for us.”
Jungkook’s chest warms at the thought.
“There’s no need for that, hyung. You know I don’t mind at all. I love doing those things.”
“I know. I just want to do them for you. You have to know how I feel.”
What?
Did he hear that right?
“Hyung, what do you mean?” Jungkook hesitantly asks, keeping his eyes on the road as his heart starts to beat out of his chest.
Jimin wants Jungkook to know what he feels? Could it be…
“I mean, I want you to know how I feel when you cook for me and drive for me.”
Oh. Okay. Okay, it’s not… It’s not what Jungkook strongly feels for him. It couldn’t be anyway.
He breathes a sigh of relief. He's not sure what he would've done if Jimin had said anything else.
“How do you feel when I do all that, hm?” Jungkook asks, “Does it make you feel like a prince?”
“Like a king,” Jimin quickly chirps, ruffling a hand at Jungkook’s head, “Like I have a personal chef letting me just sit and eat, and a designated driver taking me places while I… also sit and eat.”
Jungkook gives off another half hearted chuckle, which Jimin mirrors. They’d always laugh much louder than this, but the air is a little too downcast even for that.
“Well, I feel like a king when you feed me from your hand while I drive. Guess we’re even, hyung.”
“That’s not even the same!” Jimin laughs a little louder this time, but that quickly subsides.
Jungkook sighs.
His hand naturally reaches out across the gears and onto Jimin’s lap, rubbing at it just as he had been several times throughout this trip.
Because he’s been more touchy these days, needing to be closer to Jimin, needing to feel Jimin’s warmth and his own warmth on Jimin. And where he would’ve been more reserved before, lately his inhibitions peel away more and more as they get closer to the end of… whatever this is.
“Thankyou, Jungkook,” Jimin gently yet solemnly says, “For driving for me. And cooking for me.”
Jungkook only rubs his lap in response, eyes still fixed on the road for more than one reason.
Jimin sighs. “It means so much to me, much more than you’ll ever know.”
Just like that, Jungkook shivers. Unshed tears are starting to pool in his eyes, too.
His chest aches more than it has ever ached. Everything in this moment is so warm and lovely but so bittersweet that it feels like a punch in the gut.
“Let me know, then, Jimin-ssi,” Jungkook says, a soft teasing lilt to his voice, masking how solemn his words really are, “How much does it mean to you?”
Silence fills the air first. Jimin doesn’t answer for a while, and everything feels so much colder and darker again.
Jungkook then thinks that before they go, he’ll have to have cheered Jimin up somehow. It’ll be the end of him if he can’t.
“There were days…” Jimin starts after a while, “Days where it was inevitable. Where I couldn’t help but let the somberness in.”
At what he hears, a wave of gloominess catches Jungkook too, his heart breaking little by little. His hand squeezes at Jimin’s thigh, because it’s all he can do. He hates that it’s all that he can do.
“Even if I avoid it, sometimes that feeling of loneliness just comes to me,” Jimin continues, “But then… I’d think of you.”
Right then, he feels Jimin’s hand glide on top of his, fingers intertwining slowly. He shivers.
“I’d remember these little things with you, Jungkook. I’d remember that time you drove us through highways, even when you weren’t feeling well. I’d remember the meal you made me back then, and every other meal you’ve ever cooked for me.”
Jungkook doesn’t realize it soon enough, but a lone tear rolls down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe it off. His eyes are fixed on the road, and he hopes Jimin’s are too.
“And thinking about them makes me really happy,” Jimin says so quietly, “Because I’d remember the feeling of being loved that way.”
An endless wave of shivers crash through Jungkook. Another tear falls. His breath catches, his heart skips beats.
He’s glad. He’s so happy that Jimin feels it, that Jimin knows how Jungkook does all those things out of love.
Jungkook knows that if he talks now, Jimin would hear the tremble in his voice, so he stays quiet. He breathes out, lets the tears fall until they dry out in the cold air.
The silence lingers, and Jimin gently breaks it again.
“I want to make you feel that way too, Jungkook.”
“You always have,” Jungkook quickly says.
Even when his eyes are still fixed ahead, he doesn't miss how Jimin turns to him, and he knows there would be a surprised look on his face. He just hopes Jimin doesn't see his tears, that they've condensed in the air by now.
“You don’t remember?” Jungkook asks with a small chuckle, forcing himself not to cry, “Whenever I was having a hard time…”
He can’t say it without choking up. He takes a deep breath, tries to will his tears out of his eyes, tries to shake off the tremble in his voice.
“You’d always hug me,” Jungkook slowly says, “You’d take me in your arms. You’d always whisper… you’d always tell me I can let it all out…”
He won’t cry. He chuckles, just so he won’t cry. He rolls the windows down even further, just so the air will dry out his eyes. He takes another deep breath, waiting to feel more steady before continuing.
“You’d let me sleep next to you. You’d always keep me warm. You’d buy me food. You’d drink with me. Talk it out with me. Stay with me whenever I get hurt, take care of me whenever I get sick, cheer me up when I can't cheer myself up. You make sure I’m okay the way nobody else does. For years and years, you’ve been so good to me.”
He looks out the window on his side, away from where Jimin sits, just as he feels his eyes water, still trying but failing to let the wind dry it out.
So he just turns his other palm up and lets Jimin’s hand intertwine with his again. He squeezes it, because it’s been his way of saying what he couldn’t say out of nowhere.
I love you.
He squeezes his hand again, just once more before he looks back out the road. When he’s sure his eyes are dry, he steals another glance at his side.
Jimin looks at him, glassy eyes so fixed at him with a gaze so full of emotion, and it takes Jungkook’s breath away, makes his chest ache like never before.
He shivers violently, feeling all the hair in his arms and legs straighten, feeling electricity run from his head to his spine down to his fingertips and toes. All because Jimin looks at him the way he does.
“You do more than enough to make me feel loved,” Jungkook solemnly says as he looks back at the road, “It means so much to me, much more than you’ll ever know too.”
He knows they both know these things to an extent, but somehow it feels like he’s confessing what he feels for Jimin anyway.
Not an I love you, but more of I’m loved by you, and you taught me how to love, and it makes me love you even more.
He hopes Jimin catches it. If not, then he’ll just have to say it straight to his face.
“It’s too early in the day for this,” Jimin mutters before chuckling.
And soon they’re both caught in a fit of only half hearted giggles–not because they don’t feel like laughing, but because it’s laughter that they know is shared with a cry of unshed tears.
So Jungkook playfully slaps his thigh before placing his hand back on the gear shift, and Jimin laughs a little louder.
His heart still flutters, after all these years, just at the sound of Jimin’s laughter.
“Brat, my thighs still hurt from skiing!”
“Hyung, I didn’t even hit it that hard!”
Jimin then playfully slaps his thigh, and it hurts a little, but he doesn’t let it show.
“What, your thighs don’t hurt?”
“Nope.”
Jimin slaps him again.
“Okay, fine, it hurts!” Jungkook quickly concedes, half because it hurts, and half just to appease Jimin, “I’m sorry for hitting you! Jeez.”
The somber air has dissipated a bit, replaced by their usual banter, except it still doesn’t feel as light as it usually would be.
“You should’ve massaged my legs before we left,” Jimin teases, “Now look what you’ve done.”
“It’s your fault, hyung. If only you agreed to have another go at the jacuzzi this morning. Our muscles would’ve been hurting less by now.”
“Hey, why are you blaming me for that? You could’ve gone on your own.”
“Then your muscles would still ache. And what good is it if you don’t go in with me?”
“You want me in the tub with you again?”
Jungkook feels like it’s a trap, the teasing kind that Jimin always catches him in. He almost stays quiet, but just with his inhibitions falling more and more, he lets go of his thoughts a little more too, letting them slip past his lips.
“So what if I do?”
Jimin giggles.
“Because you love ogling at me, don’t you?”
“Don’t act innocent, Jimin-ssi. You’re the one who ogles all the time. And you know my body will only get bigger when we serve. When we’ll have to take showers together, I'm so sure you’ll be ogling like never before.”
A short silence passes, before Jimin quirkily replies.
“That’s true.”
At the admission, laughter rings in the air again, but it quickly subsides into wistful silence, just as almost every other conversation they’ve had on the drive back has gone.
The cold wind brushes past them through the open car windows, just as trees lined with snow endlessly zoom past them, and it’s such a beautiful sight that would normally have made them feel so alive–and it still does–but Jungkook doesn’t miss the way Jimin’s silence feels so heavy.
Maybe it was the mention of serving that set them off. It’s inevitable though, so he just leans into it anyway.
“Do you have dreams about it too, hyung? About being in the military?”
Jimin sighs, and Jungkook wishes he could touch Jimin comfortingly as they talk about this.
“Of course.”
Jungkook wants to ask how those dreams go, but it’s obvious from the way Jimin answered that they were not good dreams at all.
“Seokjin hyung’s still a brat for not having us together in his dream,” Jungkook remarks instead, “He’s having unrealistic dreams.”
Jimin huffs a chuckle. “Well dreams can be unrealistic. Also, you can’t call your hyung a brat.”
“Well, he is,” Jungkook playfully insists, before speaking softer, “But… what about you, hyung? Am I there in your dreams?”
It’s so quiet when Jimin answers him.
“I always dream of you.”
Another wave of shivers, of chest aches, of flutters and skipping heart beats, all come crashing down Jungkook.
I always dream of you.
The admission changes a lot of things for Jungkook, but at the same time, it feels like they’ve only been revealing what they somehow already knew.
And it seems that they’re starting to not hold back anymore. It seems that the unsaid is finally being said, little by little.
“Me too,” Jungkook easily admits, “Especially when we didn’t see each other a lot. You visited me in my sleep. Just like a ghost.”
“Well, I did contact the heavens personally. I asked to bug you in your dreams as much as possible, until you find it annoying.”
Jungkook chuckles. Jimin’s obvious attempt at cheering him up too is appreciated.
But he likes this. He likes that they’re able to say things without hesitation, that they could take it in silently or joke about it, and it’ll all be fine.
A few quiet moments pass before Jimin speaks again.
“My dreams don’t always go well. I told you this, right? That I still get a lot of nightmares?”
Jungkook’s hand leaves the gear shift and moves onto Jimin’s shoulder, rubbing comfortingly just as he’s used to.
“It really is a good thing we’re going together,” Jimin continues, “I couldn’t imagine how bad it would be if… If you weren’t there with me.”
Jungkook’s chest aches again, just at the mere thought of it, even if it’s not going to happen.
As if to reassure the other, his hand moves from Jimin’s shoulder to his head, gently running his fingers through his hair, touching the back of his neck and moving up again.
“I’ll just kick your nightmares out,” Jungkook mutters.
“You’ll kick them out?”
“Kick and punch. Knockout.”
Jimin lets out another half hearted chuckle, before it subsides into that painfully wistful silence again.
And the silence stretches.
And it stretches further than the endless expanse of snowy forests surrounding them.
The further they go, the closer they get to leaving this place, the longer they stay silent, the thicker the air seems to feel.
It’s a feeling he knows they both understand very well. Why do good things always have to come to an end?
And Jungkook thinks about it then: will this good thing come to an end, too? Will his close, loving friendship with Jimin someday end, too?
He hears Jimin sigh heavily, and he wants to catch his gaze, to read into his eyes, but he has to look out at the road in front of them, where he subconsciously drives a little slower.
Just so he could stretch time, so that this moment alone with Jimin drags on as long as it possibly could.
"Jungkook," Jimin says after a long while of seemingly just staring out the window.
“Yeah?”
Jimin shallowly laughs.
“I feel kind of empty now.”
Jungkook’s heart breaks again. And he understands, still wanting and needing to look Jimin directly in the eye, but he can't. Not while he drives.
So he just drives a little more, moves ahead until a lay-by appears, surrounded by an endless forest of snowy trees, so far from anyone else who isn’t just passing by either.
He parks the car at the lay-by, watching through the rear mirror as the staff car parks right behind them.
He waits, but none of the staff call to ask why they’re stopping. Maybe they, too, understand.
"I feel empty too," Jungkook belatedly says, "If I had it my way, I'd have us stay a few more days here. Maybe even just one more night. You know, I cancel my schedule in the US–"
"You wouldn't dare pass up on meeting one of the biggest stars ever, someone we both looked up to–"
"I'd still pick this moment over anyone else, hyung."
He finally turns to face Jimin, and the overwhelming amount of emotion he finds in Jimin’s face makes him choke up.
No, he won’t cry.
"Meet him anyway,” Jimin says with what Jungkook knows is a forced smile, “For the child in me."
"Right. You love him."
It’s the right call for Jungkook to have stopped driving just to stare at Jimin, because now he can see just how much Jimin holds back, as if he wants to say something else, but is still thinking hard about saying it at all.
"You too," Jimin whispers.
"Huh?" Jungkook tilts his head, confused, "I mean, yeah, I think he’s cool, but I don't love him as much as you do."
"No, I meant…" Jimin sighs, "I love him, but…" there’s so much hesitation in his eyes, something Jungkook couldn't understand, "Hey, why'd you stop the car?"
Because you’re hurting, and I couldn't look at you.
Because I needed to see you.
Because.
"Just… you know," Jungkook sighs, not even bothering to answer.
Instead he lets his gaze drift all over Jimin, from his eyes to his nose to his cheeks, all pink from the cold. Right then, Jungkook wants nothing but to touch Jimin’s face, to warm him up wherever his skin feels cold.
"You feel it too right?" Jimin says when Jungkook doesn't speak, "This is the saddest I've been after a trip. Is it just because the trip itself was so good?"
It’s so much more than that. So much more. Even Jungkook couldn’t put it into words. Instead, he sighs.
Jimin lets out another sad chuckle.
"I wish they made a cure for this,” Jimin whispers, “For this feeling that comes when you don't want something to end."
"The cure is to not make it end. I'll turn this car back around, hyung. Just tell me."
“Some very important people are waiting for you."
"To hell with them. I want more time in this snow. I need to spend more time here with you."
Because you mean so much to me, and the more I spend time with you, the more I need you around.
What he had said is just another simple admission, a plain statement finally out in the open, something he’s sure they both know. And yet, it still holds so much bittersweet feelings along with it.
He sees a small smile grow on Jimin’s face, but it doesn't quite reach his ears–not even the edges of his cheeks. It's too small of a smile.
"Don't worry. When we enlist, we'll technically be spending time together in the snow again," Jimin half heartedly chuckles, before his gaze returns to his lap.
Jungkook feels like he's been punched again. It's bad enough that he himself is sad about leaving, but it's so much worse seeing Jimin this way.
"Jungkook," Jimin breathes out, almost inaudible if Jungkook weren’t close enough.
"Yeah?"
"I really don't wanna go back yet."
"Then let's stay here,” Jungkook easily says,
“Even just for a few more minutes.”
“Can we? Is it okay if we do?”
“Of course. It's nice here anyway. I'm sure the staff will be okay with it."
"Aren’t we burdening them?"
"We have time. Don't worry about it."
Jimin looks at him with furrowed eyebrows, and Jungkook tries to read into it until he sees a tear fall down Jimin’s cheeks.
No, no, no. He couldn’t cheer him up in time.
"Hyung," Jungkook all but whines, on the verge of crying too, and immediately reaches out for Jimin’s hand, encasing it in his own while his other hand reaches out to wipe the tear off of Jimin’s face.
“This is silly,” Jimin says as he wipes his tears away.
“It’s not,” Jungkook firmly retorts.
Jimin doesn’t contest.
They stay where they are, Jimin letting his tears fall freely as Jungkook stops his own.
For some reason, time slows, and it’s just them, in the middle of nowhere, with no one else to answer to, with nothing to hide.
And he’s so focused on wiping Jimin’s tears away for minutes at a time that he doesn’t notice what had already started happening outside.
“Jungkook,” Jimin quietly murmurs, lips close to Jungkook’s hands, “Look. It’s snowing.”
Immediately, he turns to look outside.
The snowfall is slow and magical and beautiful and… it’s everything.
It’s almost reminiscent of the snowfall a couple days ago, the one where he ran through the cold with Jimin, the one where his heart swelled in joy.
Jungkook wants to go out and feel it on himself.
As if reading his thoughts, Jimin quickly leans away from him and opens his car door, swiftly pulling his coat from the backseat and stepping outside.
“Argh!” Jimin screams, shaking from the cold, before he suddenly bursts into laughter, quickly wearing his coat and walking to Jungkook’s side of the car, playfully opening his car door, “Come on, come out with me!”
Jungkook chuckles excitedly, taking his own coat and wearing it before stepping outside and joining a genuinely gleeful Jimin, who smiles back at him like he hadn’t been dejected the whole day.
Jungkook’s so happy to see him finally light up again.
Just as quick, Jimin hooks a hand around Jungkook’s arm and pulls him away. It’s freezing cold, but Jungkook has never felt warmer.
They don’t go too far, only walking to Jimin’s side of the car and leaning with their backs on the doors, watching the snowfall around them.
"Jimin hyung," he softly murmurs, heart beating faster with excitement for every second that passes.
"Yeah?”
"This is so beautiful," he says, turning to gaze at Jimin, whose rose tinted cheeks couldn't look any lovelier. He's always looked like an angel, but he’s glowing on another level, looking–no, feeling so much more angelic than he’d ever been his entire life.
And Jungkook has never felt more in love.
"It is. I love it so much. We’re so lucky to be seeing this on the way home.”
The glee in Jimin’s voice makes the warmth in Jungkook’s chest grow. It's almost burning, but Jungkook relishes in it.
"It's romantic, isn't it?"
The words come out too easily. He expects Jimin to laugh, to jokingly agree, or to repeat that there’s no romance in him, that he’s too sad to feel anything like that.
Jimin remains silent though.
And the words Jungkook’s been dying to say are on the tip of his tongue: I'm glad you’re the one I’m with right now .
But then Jimin suddenly speaks.
"It is," Jimin murmurs with a seemingly sad softness to his voice, so Jungkook braces himself for what comes next, "Don't you wish you were sharing this with your significant other instead?"
Oh, no. There it is.
Jungkook’s heart shatters.
Because there really is no one else in the whole world that Jungkook would rather be here with than Jimin. Why would Jimin even ask that?
"I’m not asking for anything more than this," Jungkook hesitantly answers, not wanting to say it outright, that the most significant person to him is who he’s already sharing this with.
"Nobody comes to mind for you, Jungkookie? Anybody else you would've rather brought here?"
"Are you thinking of someone else that you'd rather bring here, hyung?" Jungkook asks, and he doesn’t mask the hurt in his voice.
Jimin just shakes his head, turning to stare directly at Jungkook.
He shivers. Maybe it's the cold, maybe it’s the snow catching on his cheeks, maybe it's the intensity of Jimin’s gaze on him, maybe it’s the weight of their words which Jungkook couldn’t get a grasp on.
"There’s no one else," Jimin slowly says, as if he’s treading this carefully too, "You know I haven't been seeing a lot of people lately. But if I did meet people, I wouldn’t have hooked up with anyone anyway. I don't… I don’t think I would do that. I'm not in the right headspace for it."
"What, for hooking up?"
"For going out with anyone who I haven’t already known for a long time."
Oh. Okay, Jungkook had thought a little too much ahead. Maybe Jimin just asked him curiously. Maybe he doesn’t really think Jungkook wants anyone else here. Maybe he just needed reassurance.
Jungkook’s heart beats faster, and something in the air makes him want to cradle Jimin in his arms, to press a lingering kiss on his pink nose.
"Me too," Jungkook retorts instead, "I don't think I'd have time to get to know someone new. Not that I ever wanted to, so… yeah. No one else comes to mind either."
Jungkook really wants to say it. You’re the only person I want to share this moment with. But as time passes, the words feel heavier on his chest.
"It's a little pathetic, huh?" Jimin says, voice a little louder as he looks back to all the snow in front of them, "We're this old, and yet… we still have no one. I don't even remember how it feels to…"
Jimin trails off, chuckling as he shakes his head, as if he was about to say something stupid.
"What?" Jungkook quickly asks, "You don't remember how it feels to what?"
Jimin hesitates. He looks at Jungkook, and quickly looks away.
"I don't remember how it feels to be kissed."
Jungkook’s heart stops.
There’s no way Jimin wants one right now, right?
And not from Jungkook, right?
And he’s not thinking about the innocent, shallow kind of kiss Jungkook had given him under the sea, right?
He’d normally be too shy to talk about it, but a surge of confidence fills Jungkook, and he utters what he never would've said before.
"Want me to remind you how it feels?"
He says it jokingly, in a way that's obviously teasing between them, but he doesn't miss the way Jimin’s pink face brightly turns red.
"Wow," Jimin says, chuckling and scoffing unbelievingly, "Are you crazy? You used to hate it when I wanted to kiss you as a joke–or when I asked you to give me a kiss. Now you're willingly offering it to me, Jungkook-ssi?"
"What can I say? I'm all grown up, Jimin-ssi."
His tone is even more obviously teasing, and it makes Jimin laugh.
But he feels it. He knows he’s not the only one holding something back. He strongly knows Jimin is, too. He’s just not sure what exactly it is that Jimin’s holding back from.
“Careful what you say,” Jimin teases back, “You’ll never know what might happen.”
“What, you can’t handle the thought of it, hyung?”
Jimin laughs again, and Jungkook laughs nervously, because none of this is as shallow as they’re making it seem.
Because it’s something Jungkook’s been dying to do. It’s something he’s held back for so long.
And with the way things are looking ahead of them, Jungkook wants to just give into the urge, to tell Jimin how much he loves him, to let him know with a sincere kiss that would take the life out of him.
Jimin then breaks him out of his thoughts and cuts through the silence.
"Jungkook,” he quietly starts, “Why'd you kiss me on the forehead back then?”
Jungkook freezes. It’s another gut punch.
He thought they'd never talk about it. Jimin never brought it up.
He swallows nervously.
But they’re here now, and they’ve said a lot at this point, and if they don’t say everything they could now then when will they?
So Jungkook decides to just be honest. To expose himself. This is Jimin anyway. Things will never be too bad between them, and he has nothing to lose.
"I just wanted to."
"Why did you want to?”
"The moment called for it."
"And what about now?” Jimin fully turns to him, eyes unbelievably full of emotions that Jungkook still can’t read, a gaze that evokes a bone deep shiver within him, “What does this moment call for?"
At that moment, Jungkook doesn’t think. He just does.
He faces Jimin, pulls him closer, wraps his arms around him in a warm embrace, inching closer and closer until their chests meet.
Jimin’s eyes widen a fraction, and Jungkook gives him a small smile. He puts Jimin’s hood up, and hopes what he's about to do is hidden from everyone else's view.
Without hesitation, Jungkook kisses Jimin’s forehead.
Once, quickly. Twice, slowly. Thrice, lingering, overstaying its welcome and not planning to leave anytime soon.
"Jungkook–"
"Shh,” he breathes with his lips still against Jimin’s forehead.
"People might see–"
"It's okay. There's no one around."
Right then, he feels hesitant hands wrap around his waist and onto his back. Jimin finally hugs him back.
So Jungkook kisses his forehead again, letting his lips linger for a moment before leaning away a little, arms still around Jimin.
He stares at Jimin’s red cheeks and nose, dusted by snowflakes. He kisses his nose.
He sees slow tears running down Jimin’s face, and he doesn’t know if these are happy or sad tears, but he kisses them anyway, tasting the salt on his lips as the tears continue to flow down Jimin’s cheeks.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
He wants to say it out loud, but he’ll just say it this way.
He kisses, and kisses, and kisses, slowly moving from inch to inch, and he feels Jimin shiver in his arms.
“Jungkook,” Jimin says, voice shaking, pushing Jungkook back just a tiny bit with his hand.
He doesn’t lean too far away, keeping Jimin in his arms as he stares at his face.
“What is it?”
At that moment, Jimin gives him a look so solemn that it scares him. The only thing he can hope for now is that Jimin won’t break his heart.
“Don’t look so scared,” Jimin says with a chuckle, and only then does Jungkook realize that the fear might’ve been so readable in his face.
So he laughs, and Jimin laughs. And it's getting colder and colder as the snow continues to fall, so he pulls Jimin even closer, and Jimin too moves further into his space.
They both shiver, they both laugh. It’s too cold, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Come on. What is it, hyung?”
Jimin’s laughter subsides, but instead of turning gloomy, his expression morphs into the softest smile.
“Can you guess?” Jimin suddenly giggles, and Jungkook seethes.
“Tsk. I’ll leave you here in the cold if you won’t tell me–” Jungkook slaps his butt for good measure, “–brat. Just say it.”
It’s only when their laughter subsides, when their gazes have softened, that Jimin finally speaks.
“You make me happy, Jungkook.”
Jungkook can’t breathe.
He really can’t breathe.
“Your existence makes me really happy,” Jimin continues, “So happy and so warm and so comfortable that sometimes it’s hard for me to contain myself. So much that I just basked in it, not knowing what it actually was.”
Jimin gently brushes the hair on his forehead, and Jungkook can’t breathe.
“It took me a long time to figure it out, to realize what that feeling is whenever you’re with me. Whenever you talk to me, do things with me, or even just silently sit next to me.”
Jungkook still can’t breathe, and any longer now he’d just drop dead.
“And going on these little trips with you made me finally admit it to myself, Jungkook. I had to admit what I’ve been suppressing for so long.”
Jungkook’s lungs have given up on him, and now his heart threatens to puncture through his chest.
“I’m sorry it took me a while, but I’m so sure of it now,” Jimin smiles, “I know now that there was a reason why I couldn’t look at anyone else, why I had no interest in entertaining anyone else, why I had kept that space empty in my heart. It’s because there’s you. I know now that what I feel for you is something I’ve never felt for anyone else.”
“Jimin…” Jungkook murmurs, unbelieving, at the cusp of what he knows will wholly change his life, already knowing what this is, but still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As if reading his mind, Jimin shakes his head.
“Jungkook,” Jimin breathes in before heavily sighing, “I don’t need you to feel the same way, but I need to say it, and I hope you’ll understand.”
He’s almost sure of what’s coming, but Jungkook still waits.
“You know that you’re my best friend, right? And that nothing has to change if you don’t want things to change.”
Jungkook is almost sure of it, but he waits. The snow falls around them, and it’s getting colder, but he waits. Jimin touches his face so gently, but he still waits. Jimin looks at him so sweetly, but he still waits. Jimin grazes his eyebrows, his cheeks, his nose, his lips–
It can’t be anything else, right? Jimin can’t be saying anything else but–
“You mean so much to me, Jungkook. I love you so, so much.”
Jungkook’s heart drops down to his stomach before flying out of his chest, so much emotion just pushing and throwing his heart out of his body.
After trying so hard to stop it, Jungkook finally cries.
Jimin loves him. So much. And it’s something he’s known forever, but he’s only really known it now, and it’s almost too much to handle that it chokes him up, almost killing him.
As he cries, the world blurs around him. And just as quickly, the look on Jimin’s face turns into worry, hands scrambling to wipe his tears away.
“What is it, Jungkook?” Jimin so hesitantly asks, and Jungkook almost laughs if he weren’t so busy crying, “Why are you crying? Do you… do you hate it that much?”
Jungkook simply shakes his head.
“Then tell me,” Jimin’s voice is so soft, face so close to his, “What is it? Hm? Are you worried?”
“Jimin,” Jungkook all but whispers, not trusting his voice not to tremble with sobs, finally letting himself ask what he’d been dying to ask for so long. “Can I kiss you?”
Jimin’s eyes only grow in surprise before slowly shaking his head.
No. No. Is the other shoe coming, then?
“Jungkook,” Jimin sighs, “I don’t want you to kiss me just to see if it’s something, or just because the moment calls for it, or just to make me feel better. I don’t want you to kiss me if you don’t feel the same–”
Jungkook kisses him.
They’re both shaking, shivering from the cold, trembling from the remnants of their sobs, but Jungkook’s lips meet Jimin’s like it’s so easy.
Because Jungkook can kiss him. Because he feels the same way.
He presses his lips tenderly on Jimin’s, and a surge of warmth makes its way throughout his body, so warm that it makes him shiver anyway.
Jungkook has waited so long, and it’s everything he wanted, everything he thought it would be and more.
He easily compares it to anyone else he’s ever been intimate with, and nothing even comes close. Because kissing someone he really loves just hits different.
It’s the best thing he’s ever done.
He doesn’t overstay his welcome this time, parting their lips and leaning away after not a moment too long.
“Jimin,” Jungkook exasperatedly says, eyebrows furrowed, “How could you tell me that I make you feel loved, and not understand that I feel just as strongly about you?”
No response. Jimin only looks up at him with shock, eyes glazed, tears slowly falling down his face.
“I know I’m important to you, Jungkook," Jimin whispers with a trembling voice, "I just didn’t… know how.”
“Well, I’m letting you know now,” Jungkook sniffles, “I love you so much. You mean so much to me. You mean the world to me. And I love loving you. And I can’t wrap my head around the thought of not being around you for too long. You're my favorite person in the world, and my heart breaks a little every time you’re gone, every time you’re not within reach. And you’re my best friend, but I don’t want things not to change if you love me this way and I love you this way. Do you understand now?”
Jimin starts crying harder too. Jungkook laughs at it, even while he cries.
“You love me too,” Jimin whispers.
“I love you too,” Jungkook echoes.
“I’m so… so glad you do,” Jimin cries and laughs, “It’d be so stupid if you didn’t.”
Jungkook chuckles. “It’s stupid that it took us this long to say it.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way though.”
Jimin pulls him even closer and places his chin on Jungkook’s chest. Butterflies.
“Me too. When we tell our kids about this, it’ll sound so romantic that we told each other how we felt during a snowfall in the middle of the road.”
“Our kids? You’re looking that far ahead?”
“You said you want a daughter, so…”
Jimin laughs so lightly.
Jungkook feels it then. The gloominess they’ve been feeling has entirely dissipated.
And maybe this was the reason they’d been gloomy after all.
“We still have a few hurdles to go through before we get there, Jungkook.”
Jungkook would normally get sad about that, but right now, he’s too happy to care.
“You’ll be with me anyway. Time will pass.”
Jimin quietly nods, and soon enough, all they do is gaze into each other’s teary eyes.
Jungkook couldn’t read it then, but he understands it now. That look in Jimin’s eyes is love.
He supposes he looks at Jimin the same way, too.
Snowflakes continue to dust their cheeks, and Jimin smiles at him so softly, and their arms wrap around each other a little tighter, and Jungkook’s heart endlessly flutters.
“We have a lot to talk about,” Jungkook starts, “But we don’t have enough time.”
Jimin shakes his head slowly, the smile never leaving his face.
“We don’t have a lot to talk about. It’s simple. You’ll be with me, and I’ll be with you.”
“Is it really that simple?”
Jimin cutely nods, and Jungkook gets butterflies again.
“But do what you need to do. I’ll wait for you back home.”
“You’ll wait for me back home…”
“Back home," Jimin repeats, rubbing Jungkook's back so comfortingly, "At your place. I’ll be there when you return from overseas. And then we can talk all you want. But for now…”
He watches as Jimin’s gaze flies to his lips, and his heart just explodes. He knows the butterflies won't ever leave him anytime soon.
“Can you say it again, Jungkook?” Jimin softly asks, and Jungkook immediately understands.
“I love you, Jimin.”
Jimin grins so widely, and warmth blooms at Jungkook’s chest like never before.
“I love you too, Jungkook.”
It’s surreal how despite everything else that happened, despite what hardships it took for them to get here, this exact moment only feels like a good dream.
Like a romantic movie, even. Like those happy endings, where if they starred in it, Jungkook would lift Jimin up and spin him in the air before Jimin leans down to kiss him, and they'll drive off into the sunset.
Except here, snow just falls, and Jimin just stands warmly in his arms, face so close to his own, and it’s already everything he could ever ask for.
“You don’t have to hold back anymore, you know?” Jimin murmurs.
“Hm?”
“You can kiss me. A little longer than the first time, maybe.”
How did Jungkook ever get so lucky?
“Your wish is always my command.”
Jimin giggles, and Jungkook’s heart swells at the thought that he’ll be getting butterflies from the sound of it for as long as they’re together.
He doesn’t wait anymore. He just takes in the way Jimin looks at him, seeing him in a whole other light. The universe really has moved for them, and from here on he’ll be the one to move the universe for them.
He only gives Jimin a smile before inching closer and pressing his lips against his.
His whole life with Jimin in it flashes behind his eyes, and he’s overwhelmed, because it hasn’t been easy, but it’s always been so beautiful. He swears too that i t'll only be more beautiful from here.
As he kisses Jimin, and Jimin kisses him back, he then thinks, for the first time in his life, that in the right hands, good things won’t have to come to an end.