Chapter Text
He hadn’t ever brought her to the cliffs before, but he’d been dreaming about it since they were little. In his mind, the sun would set below the horizon, turning everything, including the trees, the waves and her face, a burning orange. The only noise would be the wind in the pines and the crashes of the waves below.
He would bring a picnic, and they would sit in the bed of his truck, talking for hours and hours until the stars showed themselves, and he would have to drive her back home. Maybe he would kiss her, maybe he wouldn’t. He would desperately want to, though. That was a feeling that never changed.
And now she was really here, sitting next to him in his truck bed, an old blanket wrapped around their shoulders and a small tub of goodies from the Res between them. The sun was beginning to set, and they had talked and talked and talked, and he couldn’t stop looking into her eyes.
‘What? Have I got something on my face?’ Bella laughed, rubbing her palm over her mouth and cheeks.
‘No, no, just-’ Jacob’s voice was cut off by a shout from the cliffs across the bay.
Across the water on the edge of the cliffs was a small gaggle of boys from the Res, shoving each other closer to the sheer drop, laughing and whooping. They looked like clones: teenagers trapped in the bodies of six-foot-five muscled men, granite-cropped hair contrasting against caramel skin, and a black ink sigil on their shoulders.
‘Is that Embry?’ Bella’s voice was quiet as if it could travel across the bay in the wind, incriminating them both.
‘Sam got to him last week. He was off school for a few days, and then the next thing I knew, he was hanging out with Sam, Jared, and Paul. He got the tattoo and refused to speak to Quil or me.’ Jacob refused to look in the direction of the boys. Instead, he focused on his hands, which were folded in his lap.
Embry had been one of Jacob’s closest friends, along with Quil. Bella had become friends with them, too, over the last few months, as she hung out in the barn where Jacob fixed up old bikes. They would joke, laugh, and drink Coca-Cola until sunset, and all four would have to head home.
‘They must be on steroids to get that buff so quickly.’ The words were so matter-of-fact in her mouth that they made Jacob laugh.
On the opposite cliff, the boys began to jump into the icy water below. At the first jumper, Bella had twitched, and a high-pitched gasp escaped her throat. ‘Oh god!’
‘Hey, no, it’s okay. Cliff jumping is something they do now. It's some weird adrenaline thing. They will emerge from the water miraculously okay, don’t worry.’ He paused as they watched the boys, one after the other, plummet into the sea, cheering as they fell through the air. ‘I hadn’t thought of that… The steroids, I mean.’ As those words left his mouth he looked at her, truly looked at her.
She was so beautiful. Her skin was so milky and perfect, especially with the last droplets of sunlight making her freckles glisten. She looked at him expectantly, but his voice was caught in his throat. ‘It’s gonna sound so stupid, but they stare at me on the Res. It’s as if they are saying I’ll be next. But I don’t-’ his voice cut off before he could continue.
Bella’s hand reached out under the blanket and took his own. She slowly leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Breathing him in comforted her, and her warmth soothed him.
‘Jake, you don’t have to do or be anything you don’t want to.’ She chuckled, ‘especially not succumbing to a crippling steroid addiction, that’s definitely a wise choice.’ He smiled feeling the rumble of her chest.
Slowly, he weaved his arm around her, pulling her tight against his body. To him, she felt so safe and warm in his arms. He hoped she felt the same way, that them, together, like this, was just right. But he supposed it had always felt like that, even when she used to just come for the summers, and even more so since she had moved back to Forks.
She looked up at him, her cedar eyes looking into his burnt umber, and smiled. ‘Just be you, Jake. That’s more than enough.’
Now, it was his turn to sink his head onto her shoulder, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He breathed deeply, so deep her smell plummeted into his core.
Fuck. Had she always smelt this good?
He turned his head ever so slightly to gain better access to her supple skin, and Bella’s fingers wound their way into his course, long hair.
He breathed her in again. Her smell was like a drug. Like his own personal brand of heroin. Forget steroids; he was already on the path towards a crippling addiction to Bella Swan. He was so far gone he would never recover.
‘Hey Jake, you’re burning up.’ He inhaled one final time before lifting his head.
‘Hm, what?’
‘You’re boiling.’ Her hand was against the nape of his neck. The other, which had been in his hands, was now against his forehead. ‘Do you feel okay?’
And with her questioning, the nausea hit him.
‘Bells, I don’t…’ His words trailed off as he began to rock slightly, his balance failing him.
‘Shit, Jake. Can you stand?’ With a flurry of motion, they had half jumped and half tumbled out of the truck bed, with Bella supporting Jacob towards the passenger seat in the cabin. ‘I know you said I was never allowed to drive your baby, but I’m breaking your rules, and I hope you don’t hate me for it.’
With that, she sped the truck towards the Res, unaware of the four pairs of glimmering eyes watching them and the howl of a wolf catching on the wind.
———————————
She had heard nothing from him in two days and about four hours—not that she was counting. Over the last three hours, she had debated sending a sixth text message but ultimately decided against it. Her worrying and pandering were the last things Jake needed if he was ill, which was currently her working theory after Jessica and Angela had vetoed the ‘abducted by aliens’ and the ‘on the run from the FBI’ theories.
But even the two girls agreed this was weird for Jacob; a few months back, he had been struck down by some out-of-date chicken, rendering him attached to the toilet bowl for a few days, but between heaving his guts up, he messaged Bella detailed descriptions of his vomit.
He never missed a good morning text. Or a good night text, for that matter. And even though the pair were categorically NOT dating, they talked as often as best friends did, sending messages between classes, after they finished eating and as distractions from homework. Radio silence was not their thing. It never had been.
‘It must be real bad.’ Jessica spoke between mouthfuls of her salad. ‘I mean, he is always texting you, like constantly. He’s like a little love-sick puppy; he’s obsessed. He must be ill ill.’
‘Could be something going around on the Res. Are you feeling okay, Bella?’ Angela was always more pragmatic than Jessica.
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just worried.’ She bit at her thumb. ‘It’s so weird; I feel like a small part of me is missing.’ She shook her head, wrinkling her eyebrows together. ‘I know that sounds crazy.’
Jessica nodded her head in a weighing-it-up kind of way. ‘Maybe you’re both love-sick puppies, and you just don’t know it yet.’ The three girls laughed at that.
‘God, I hope I didn’t say something. Maybe I put my foot in it with the steroids jokes.’ Bella ran her hands through her hair.
Angela’s eyes widened. ’The what?’
‘Oh, it was nothing really; some of the other Res boys were by the cliffs and had like "Captain America’d”, you know, like when he steps out of the machine?’ They nodded at her eagerly. ‘Like, they looked just like that, so I said it must have been steroids because no one gets that big so quickly without drugs.’
‘Were they hot?’
‘Jessica!’ Angela’s voice scowled.
‘Like, I guess so, objectively. But they were acting like douchebags; I wouldn’t go near them with a six-foot pole.’ Bella shuddered at the thought.
‘Sounds just like my type. Maybe I should come with you the next time you go to the Res, Bella. Just for research purposes.’ Jessica smiled with Angela as they finished their lunch.
But Bella’s eyes were glued to her phone screen and the messages she had sent Jake.
Thanks for this evening. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Good night.
Morning Jake. How you feeling?
Let me know how you’re doing when you can—starting to worry.
Please let me know if you’re alive, or I am calling Billy. Night.
Good morning. Hope you’re better soon. Call when you can.
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. A sixth text was desperate, needy, and immature. But if there was one thing Bella did, it was live up to expectations.
The bell rang for the next lesson, and with the shrill noise sealing her fate, her fingers danced across the keyboard before the phone was deposited in the back pocket of her jeans. If he hadn’t replied by the time she got home, she would call Billy. And if she didn’t get any answers from him, she would drive there herself.
As she walked herself to biology, the words of her message rattled around her brain—a plea for help, as if she were the one who needed rescuing in this situation, not her best friend, who was probably the illest he had been in his entire life.
I miss you x.
But before those three words and that one haunting letter would be her death, she had to contend with osmosis. Bella wasn’t sure which was worse.
———————————
It burned. Everything burned. One minute, his skin was tacky with sweat; the next, he was shivering and covered in goosebumps.
He had been in and out of consciousness for the last four days. Well, he thought it may have been four days. He couldn’t be sure. But food had appeared at several points in time. Not that he had eaten it. The smell of anything made his stomach churn uncontrollably. Mercifully, the vomiting stopped a day or so ago. Not that he felt any better.
His dad had sat by his side through most of it. Jacob remembered staring with dry eyes at the wheels of his father’s chair.
Sam and Jared also came to visit. It had angered him, not that he could find the words to tell them to piss off. Instead, he had seethed in his agony.
There had been hushed conversations behind closed doors, and Jacob was getting more and more antsy.
His breaking point had been the phone call. The landline had rung at some point and had rung regularly since, with the bell making Jacob twist in his sheets on the bed that was somehow shrinking.
Billy answered without fail the first few times. Jacob was sure he had heard his dad whisper the name ‘Bella’, and his heart stopped briefly at that. But now his father let the phone ring until it stopped by itself.
He wanted it to stop. He would have done anything for just a taste of nothingness. He was beginning to give up. He wanted out. He wanted…
Jacob?
Welcome, brother.
I’ve missed you, bro.
He wanted… to run. So, on new legs, he ran, and the previous burning was replaced with something satisfying. It was a release.
Except-
No. This body wasn’t his. This wasn’t right. Something was very, very wrong.
He wanted to vomit. To scream. To cry. But all he could manage was a whining howl.
He wasn’t Jacob anymore. He was something completely different. He was evil, an abomination. He was a monster.
And in his grief, mourning Jacob Black, he could only think of one thing.
Brown curled hair, freckles on snowdrop skin and a scent that made his blood hot. Bella.
I miss you x.
He doubted she even knew the meaning of the phrase. Not when he felt like this. And not when he knew he would never be able to see her again.