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It was just a typical summer day, with Towa sitting in the living room of his and Fujieda’s home, sketchbook in hand and drawing away absentmindedly.
He wasn’t really drawing anything in particular. He simply didn’t have anything better do, and for some reason painting on his canvas just didn’t feel ‘right’ in recent days.
As the young man continued to let both his pencil and his thoughts wander, he suddenly heard the click of the front door.
Towa just raises his head a little, his expression still indifferent and unchanged after that sound. After all, there’s only one person who it could be.
A few seconds later, Fujieda, dressed in his usual suit and work get-up, stepped into the living room, with his eyes closed and heaving a long sigh.
When Fujieda finally looked up and saw Towa, his expression was neutral, yet still kind of stiff, which seemed somewhat strange to Towa.
"What is that about?" was the first thought that went through Towa's mind, still not saying a word, but just looking at Fujieda.
“Welcome home.” Towa simply greeted instead in the end, still wearing his usual apathetic expression.
“Hey.” Fujieda finally decided to say after just standing there for one more second and before pulling off his glasses, then finally taking a glance at the sketchbook in Towa`s hands, the look on his face unchanged.
“What are you doing?” the older man simply asked.
Towa turned his gaze to his sketchbook, riddled with some randomly drawn lines and shadows on it, no direction or reason behind them at all.
“Nothing in particular.” the young man replied, before offhandedly throwing both his sketchbook and pencil into the corner of the couch he was currently sitting on, then turning back to Fujieda afterwards.
“Anyway, what have you been up to?” Towa asked, expression still completely neutral. He didn’t ask because he was particularly interested in what Fujieda had been doing during the day, but only because Towa wanted to say something as inconspicuous as possible, while still trying to find out what that strange feeling he was getting from Fujieda actually was.
To that question, the other man could just close his eyes and let out another long sigh. He went on to loosen his necktie with his right hand, then started slightly ruffling his hair with his left, making the clean styling come undone and letting his unruly hair hang down wildly into his face instead, just the way he usually wears it in private.
Even now, Fujieda’s transformation never ceases to amaze Towa. Not just because of his different look, but because of how even his aura and the atmosphere around him drastically changes. If he didn’t know any better already, Towa would think he was an entirely different person.
“Nothing too special, just… something I haven’t done in a while.” was all Fujieda said to the other man’s question, while he walked toward Towa and took off his jacket.
“Anway…” Fujieda said before trailing off, fixing the younger man before him with his gaze again, looking at him even more intensely than before.
Towa didn’t look away, just matched the lawyer’s probing eyes with his own apathetic ones. They stayed like this for a while.
"Just what is up with him today?" Towa thought, with a slight sense of irritation as time went on. He really couldn’t wrap his head around the whole thing.
After continuing to stare at each other for a time that seemed much longer than necessary, Fujieda finally looked to the side, before opening his mouth to speak once more.
“Anyway, you mentioned yesterday that you’ve met up with Rei and the others at the bar, right?”
Hearing those words, Towa still had no idea where the other man was going with this. Especially since Fujieda usually was way more direct when speaking with him, not roundabout like this.
“Yeah… so?” Towa replied, as he pulled up one of his legs and then leaning both of his arms, as well as his chin, on his bent knee.
Sitting in this position, it made the young man look almost more disinterested than before. Maybe that was what stopped Fujieda in his tracks once again, after he turned his head back to Towa. However, whatever the real reason was, it kind of started to irritate Towa even more, ast his whole situation kept dragging on and on.
After all, Towa still wasn’t really used to these sorts of interactions. Before, he would just forcefully drag any information he wanted out of other people’s thoughts until he was satisfied. But now, he was trying to refrain from doing that anymore.
More importantly, Fujieda and him agreed on being partners, promised to be respectful and sincere when interacting with each other. So trying to forcefully drag information out of him would no doubt be considered uncalled for.
Thankfully however, Towa no longer needed to wait, as Fujieda seemed to be able to feel the growing impatience in the other man. Not to mention, he himself knew dragging this out any longer wouldn’t do both of them any god.
“Well then, …” Fujieda said, as he put his hand in the pocket of his jacket, pulled out a long thin wooden box and held it out to Towa.
“It might be a little bit late, but here.”
Towa looked at the wooden box before him, then up at Fujieda and then back to the wooden box again, before slowly taking the box with his right and just looking at it for a a moment, while the other man threw his jacket on a nearby chair
The younger man turned his gaze back to Fujieda, who seemed to intently study his reactions, before Towa decided to nonchalantly put the box up to his hear and slightly shaking it, making a soft rattling sound ring out and then looking back up to Fujieda again.
Seeing this, the other man simply raised an eyebrow, but otherwise didn’t react at all, which made a thin and sly grin start to form on Towa’s lips. If Fujieda really was that stubborn about it, maybe this would be kind of fun after all.
So Towa decided to take one short look at the box again, before proceeding to simply open it.
What he found inside, however, was neither something he would have expected, nor something that would warrant Fujieda’s strange reaction.
Inside the box was a brand-new paintbrush.
The young man took the brush into his right hand and held it out toward the light before him, which in turn made the scars on his arm stand out all the more strongly than before. Even without asking, Towa could tell that brush was of high quality, with the wooden handle as well as the hairs being both smooth, yet reliably sturdy.
The genuine interest with which the artist seemed to study the item in his hand, while the sunlight danced through the window and illuminated the young scar-riddled man, made for an almost mesmerizing sight, making Fujieda unable to look away and his heart feel tight.
However, the moment still passed quickly, with Towa deciding to curtly speak shortly after.
“A brush, huh?”
Fujieda’s eyes widened a little, before he crossed his arms and fully faced the other man.
“What? That’s all you have to say after receiving your birthday gift?”
With this Towa whipped his head around toward the older man, his neutral expression waning for the first time since this whole conversation started, and then furrowing his brows.
“My what?” was all the younger man could ask.
“Again, didn’t you say you went to Roost with everyone the other day and that you celebrated your birthday?” Fujieda asked, as he took a step forward, tapping one of his fingers on his crossed arm and with an expression of slight annoyance on his face.
Towa just looked at him for a few more seconds, without saying a word.
Now that he thought about it, they did have a conversation in which Towa mentioned how Rei and everyone had invited him to come to Roost, only for him to also more than offhandedly mention that they were insisting on making an annual thing out of it, because it was their way of celebrating his birthday. And the only reason Towa actually followed up on that invitation, was because it was way too much effort to try and get out of it, instead of simply going there for a while and then leaving again.
Towa then also remembered how after hearing that, Fujieda suddenly widened his eyes, with an absolutely uncharacteristic and almost shocked look on his face. His expression only went on to turn even more incredulous and grave, after the younger main simply shrugged, then replied how it was just another celebration like any other day anyway, ‘nothing special about it’ and said all of it with the most deadpan voice Fujieda had ever heard. After the conversation was finished, Fujieda’s expression changed from shock, to anger, only to finally settle on a complicated and troubled one in the end.
Towa, although seeing this change in the lawyer's demeanour, didn’t pay it too much attention at the time. After all, it’s not like the topic was all that important in his opinion.
But thinking back on it now and especially with how Fujieda was behaving, the younger man could do nothing put on a sly smile and letting out a small chuckle, before addressing his roommate in the most teasing tone possible.
“A brush?”
After hearing those two simple words, Fujieda simply raised an eyebrow before replying to Towa, who for some reason seemed to be enjoying the situation immensely now.
“What?” Fujieda almost growled that single word.
Towa’s smile widened, starting to border on a grin, a mischievous twinkle in his single uncovered eye.
“So you thought about me and the one thing that came to your mind was a paintbrush? Really? Not anything else?” the younger man said, before tilting his head to one side and sliding his finger down his neck along one of his ragged scars in an almost seductive manner.
After all, the whole idea was quite strange to Towa. Yes, he no longer slept around, no longer engaged in certain more “questionable” activities. But, although he always was quite famous for his paintings as “Euphoria” in the past as well, he was probably even more infamous for the loose and weird way he led his live.
Seeing what the younger man was getting at, as well as how he teasingly and deliberately acted in a fashion to get under the other man’s skin a little, Fujieda could do nothing but furrow his brows again and slightly turn his head way.
“If you think it was a stupid idea, you can just forget about it. I just…”
“You what?” Towa inquired, while resting the side of his head on the arms resting across his knee, the smile never leaving his face, after the other man trailed off and didn’t finish his sentence.
Fujieda looked back at Towa, his expression still complicated, while the younger man continued to mischievously return his gaze.
“I just noticed how, whenever you started painting recently, you always stopped shortly afterwards.” the older man started explaining.
Hearing that, the teasing smile left Towa’s lips instantly, his expression once more turning neutral, as he raised his head and looked straight at Fujieda.
“Whenever you stopped, you would just stare at one of your brushes, turning it around in your hand for a while, but then simply putting it back on your canvas and walking away, never finishing the painting you started and just throwing it away instead.”
A moment of silence spread between them, with none of them so much as moving a muscle.
“And when you mentioned that you were at Roost the other day and only offhandedly mentioned how the others organized it in order to celebrate your birthday - almost like all you were doing was simply repeat the weather report, as if it was the least important thing in the world - it just… irked me.” Fujieda finally said, in a clear and confident voice, before turning back to Towa and studying his expression.
Towa didn’t react at all, at first. Only after a few more seconds did another small smile tug at his lips, breaking his neutral expression again and before he finally replied to the man in front of him.
“Oh? So you got jealous that I celebrated my birthday without you, even though I myself didn’t even bother to remember it, is that it?”
After hearing that, Fujieda could do nothing but stare for a while, his expression stoic and unmoving. And after a few seconds that felt like hours between them, he finally moved his head to the side with a low and self-derisive chuckle.
“You know what, forget about it.” was all he said in the end, as he slowly turned to walk away.
“Hey…!” Towa sat up, quickly grabbing onto Fujieda’s wrist, stopping the other man in his tracks and making him turn back to Towa once more.
After their eyes met, the younger man let out a sigh of his own, turning away his gaze and him now wearing a complicated expression as well.
“That’s not what I meant.” Those were the only words Towa managed to say, before standing up and slowly putting his hands around Fujieda’s neck, after the other man had fully turned back towards him.
Now it was Fujieda’s turn to stoically and intensely hold the younger man’s gaze, his famous ‘armour’ on full display and Towa was the one who had to slightly turn his eye’s away just a few seconds later, after trying to look at the other man’s expression for as long as he could.
“You know I suck at this sort of thing.” Towa finally said, a bout of silence spreading between the two again, before the younger man finally started to speak up again.
“Like I said, I never remember my birthday. And I don’t care much for it either. I really do think it’s just another day like any other. Every person has a day they were born, so why bother? Why should it be more important than the fucking weather report? Just because other people think it’s something worth celebrating, that doesn’t mean I have to feel the same way, or understand why they would care so much.”
Towa said those words, with his eyes turned toward the ground, like he was unable to look Fujieda in the eye while saying them, betraying his effort to say those words without any particular emotion, despite still being fully sincere and honest about every single one of them.
Fujieda on the other hand, just silently stood there, listening with the utmost attention.
“All that said…” Towa started to add, as he finally looked up again and back to Fujieda.
“My own feelings regarding my birthday aside... I do appreciate it. The gift I mean. And how you noticed that I stopped painting, just because something didn’t seem to feel right. So… thanks, I guess.”
After he finished speaking, Towa turned his head away a little again, not noticing how his fingers, crossed behind Fujieda’s neck, tensed ever so slightly.
Fujieda, however, did notice. And with this, a small but nonetheless warm smile started to form on Fujieda’s lips, before he started to lean down and gently take Towa into a warm embrace.
“You’re welcome. And thank you as well.” was all Fujieda said in a low voice, right beside his partner's ear.
Towa, taken aback by this very action, just awkwardly held his hands in the air at first, but started to put his own arms around Fujieda’s back shortly after, with a small tinge of warmth starting to form in his chest, which slowly grew stronger and then spread through his entire body. A feeling he began to be more comfortable with, the longer he spent time with Fujieda.
And perhaps, maybe someday in the future, Towa would even be able to think of his birthday as something else than ‘just another day’.
***
A few days later, Towa would sit down to paint again. Not only that, he even actually managed to finish said painting. And although it was still reminiscent of his old style, this one still felt a little different.
Initially the background, made out of dark shades and harsh strokes, almost reminded someone of an all-consuming darkness, or inescapably sharp thorns and seemingly took up the audience’s entire focus.
But at the second glance, one would notice a speck of colour – a tiny flower bud, battered and bruised, hidden among many wilted ones, but still trying to bloom. And beside it, there was a big leaf, torn and broken at the edges, but nonetheless leaning toward the flower, as if trying to protect it from the harsh rain as best as it could.
When Taku, Rei, or someone else asked him what the painting was about later on, or what his inspiration for it was, Towa would never be able to give an answer, simply saying he didn’t know. And even if he did, he wouldn’t admit it.
Just like how one year later, when Towa gave Fujieda a birthday gift of his own - a book the older man had been thinking about for a while, but never actually got around to buying, even after many weeks of contemplation – Towa would never be able to admit that he felt juts as awkward as Fujieda did back then. Just how Fujieda was no better at receiving gifts than Towa was.
And despite the gesture alone being enough to make both their hearts feel full.