Chapter Text
That pretty much settled it; Raven was now officially having the worst day ever.
She scowled down at her phone, but it stubbornly continued to say the same thing it had been saying for the past five minutes. Raven sighed, rubbing a hand against her eyes.
She had just gotten out of a four hour midterm crit, where it had seemed as though no one had liked any of her ideas, the teacher included, and Raven was now looking forward towards her future C in her print class.
She didn’t like anything about printmaking, and it seemed to show in the work she had been making.
None of that helped alleviate the crushing feeling of despair that was currently overwhelming her system.
Adding to the list of things ruining her day, was the fact that it was mid October (summer had faded away again, and, as always, far too soon) and the weather was starting to get creepingly colder and colder. It made her shoulders clench and her stomach hurt.
Her skin got drier, no matter how much lotion she put on, and that horrid rash would slowly creep out over her fingers, blistering and painful in the cold dry air. Winter was never a fun time to have an autoimmune disease.
And now here she was, out on a park bench in the center of campus, with nothing but a phone and a book and her bag of stuff. She scowled down at her phone and willed herself not to cry.
She had made the decision to room with Kory this year and the year before this one, because they were best friends, and it was better than a total stranger, Raven had thought at the time.
It still probably was better, it just didn’t seem that way right now.
Everything had been different the year before last. That had been before Dick and Kori had begun dating.
Raven sighed, and let her phone drop into the black hole that was her book bag.
Sweet, kind Kori.
Raven scowled.
Kori wanted the room tonight. They wanted her room tonight.
And usually, that was all fine with Raven. Kori needed her space now, to be with her boyfriend, and it was all great and wonderful, and Raven usually genuinely didn’t care.
The thing was, was that Raven usually went home on the weekends. But her mom couldn’t afford a second car, which meant that her mother had to drive an hour and fifteen minutes up to the college and then drive her home, an arrangement that usually suited everyone, because Raven hated driving almost more than anything.
But all of that took planning. And it was Thursday. It was fucking Thursday night. Not Friday, or Saturday. It was Thursday. fucking. night.
Raven pulled her legs up against her chest, biting back anger. They couldn’t give her any warning? Oh no, just an hour before Dick was coming over, she gets an “I’m so sorry Raven, do you think you could perhaps sleep elsewhere tonight?” text from Kori.
Raven huffed. Apparently a night on a park bench was in her future. With her luck it would probably rain and she’d die, a slow, cold death of tuberculosis or something.
Maybe Dick and Kori would name one of their future babies in her honor. Raven buried her face in her knees and tried not to cry.
Raven took a deep breath and tried to consider her options. She momentarily considered calling her mom, but quickly decided against it, knowing that her mother would instantly panic, stop what she was doing, and drive the three hour round trip there and back to come and get her. In the middle of the night.
Definitely not.
Victor and Garfield had a suit room this year, two rooms with a tiny kitchen and a sofa. They would definitely be willing to let her crash there tonight. But the smell in that place…there were no words. It would take weeks to get the odor out of her jacket and hair, assuming it didn’t take her out in her sleep.
The park bench was sounding more and more appealing.
She wrapped her denim jacket tighter around herself and tugged up the hood. She needed to start trying to stay warm now, if she was gonna be out here all night. As she thought that, an almost painful shiver passed through her body.
Raven’s frown narrowed. Her death would be on Kori’s hands. Or rather the both of their lovey-besotten hands.
For the life of her, Raven couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just have sex in Dick’s room. His dad was rich, and had set him and his foster brother up in probably the biggest dorm room in the whole school.
Raven had gone in there a few times and come back to her own room horrified by the shoebox that she and Kori shared. To be fair, it was probably the cheapest dorm on campus, and she and her mom didn’t have any money, so, shoebox it was.
Kori could’ve probably gotten something better, but she wanted to tough it out with Raven, because she was just sweet like that. Raven sniffled. She had been a good best friend.
Too bad she was never gonna see her again.
“Aw, why so blue, Sunshine?”
Raven slowly rose her head from her knees. Her blue eyes met the amber grey eyes of Dick’s foster brother, local fuckboy, and general all round comedian, Jason Todd. He tilted his head at her, eyes glinting, smirk twisting on his face.
Raven lowered her knees so that she could pull her book bag up against her chest. “None of your business.” she muttered, looking away.
Raven knew that if she encouraged him he’d never go away. Around them, darkness ruled, the sun having long gone down.
The sun went down at five pm now. A cold, whistling wind ran through the campus, around the buildings, running all the way down to her bones. She did her best not to shudder.
Raven curled in on herself. She fucking hated winter. Jason’s eyes rested on her, as he stood in front of her.
Why wasn’t he going away?
Raven bit her lip and dared a glance up.
Yep. Still the same as always. Same dark hair falling into his eyes, same glinting smile, same little white scar by his left eye.
Unfortunately he was still just as gorgeous as he’d been since he was thirteen.
They had gone to high school together, but she had her friends, Dick and the others, and Jason had his friends. Also Jason hated his brother, because of course he did, and he had his own stuff to do and their had paths rarely crossed.
But god. That hadn’t stopped her from being totally in love with him.
But he wasn’t interested. He didn’t have girlfriends, he just kind of chewed girls up and spit them out. And she had more dignity than that.
Also she had been awkward and not pretty, and had liked to read a lot and draw a lot (still did), and had wound up spending her high school years doing other things, not chasing after stupid boys with stupid faces and stupid smirks.
Dick disliked his brother almost as much as Jason disliked him, and had told her many times just how much he sucked. Nothing specific, just that he was a garbage person.
And here he was, right in front of her.
Yay.
But that was the kind of day she was having. All she really needed now was a clap of thunder to truly complete her day.
And, as usual, the universe was only too happy to oblige.
Jason glanced up at the sky. “Um, shouldn’t you be…getting not outside?” he asked her, eyeing her rather permanent posture on the bench.
Raven looked at him, face blank. “I’m merely bowing to the inevitable.”
Jason arched an eyebrow. “Which is?”
She folded her hands primly in her lap. “I had a good run. But clearly the universe has decided that it's tired of keeping me around.”
Jason looked at her. She felt a raindrop land on her shoulder. It bled cold and slow through her jacket. She exhaled through her nose. Jason frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re staying out here.”
She shrugged. “Alas.” Jason rolled his eyes. “God. Come on.”
Raven remained still. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Jason gave her a vaguely annoyed look. “Look, Dickhead’s not home tonight-”
“I’m aware. He’s in my room.” Raven told him flatly.
She gestured to the bench with one hand. “Hence the bench. The rain is simply an added misfortune.”
Jason bit his lip, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Listen, all you’re gonna get out here is wet, and probably a cold. You’re not sitting out here in the rain, all night long.”
Raven gave him a withering stare, and he only smirked. He tilted his head and crossed his arms against his chest. “I am fully capable of picking you up. So exactly how hard are you gonna make this?”
Raven scowled at him. “You wouldn’t.”
Jason grinned. “I so would.” More raindrops fell. Raven huffed, irritated. “Fine, but let it be recorded that I’m not coming willingly.” Jason smirked.
“They never do.”
She kicked his shin as she passed him, and enjoyed the grunt of pain she heard behind her.
They were both soaked when they got to Jason’s room.
Jason glared at her without any malice. “This is your fault, by the way.”
Raven only exhaled as she passed by him into the familiar space, wet skirt pressed against her calves. It merrily began to drip a puddle onto the carpet. He began moving around the apartment, but the sound was far away, floating somewhere beyond her brain.
She was just so, fucking, tired. All she had wanted tonight was to crawl into her own bed, make a nest in her blankets and sleep away all of her dripping sadness and despair, but no.
She was wet, and soon to be sick, stuck with a boy that seemed to think she was just some giant joke. To be fair, she kind of was.
She was gonna fail her classes because she apparently lacked any real creative ability whatsoever, she was gonna get sick and die and then her momma would cry, and it'd be all her fault because she was such a terrible daughter.
Her book bag dropped to the floor with a thunk. Almost without thinking, her knees crumpled and she dropped to the carpet, her skirt a wet pool around her body. And then she began to cry.
Not nice, sweet crying, but sobs that ran through her body, shaking her to her core. She buried her head in her hands as tears poured down her cheeks. And of course she had to do this in front of him.
But humiliating herself in front off people was apparently just her thing now. Oh well.
Sudden warmth bled gently into her back, and that was when she realized that his hand was resting against her jacket there. He had moved to crouch beside her, a vaguely panicked look on his face.
“Listen Raven, I didn’t mean to-” he looked away. “I can call Dick if you want.”
She burst into laughter somehow through her tears. “He so has his phone turned off.” she said, body shaking now from laughter. Jason’s expression turned to one of faint bemusement at her lightning shifts of emotions.
“What?”
Raven rolled her eyes. Her makeup was so smeared. “They’re having sex in my room.” she said tearfully. Jason’s eyes widened. Clearly Dick didn’t tell his brother anything.
“Wow, um, okay-” Jason began, clearly reeling from the new information.
“I’m just having the worst day ever.” Raven blurted out in a slight wail, curling in on herself. Jason pursed his mouth. “Ah.”
Raven shifted, shivering. Her clothes were soaked. She sniffled. Apparently the universe wasn’t through with humiliating her just yet.
“I probably failed my midterm crit, I think I’m gonna have another flare up, and Kori had to pick tonight to fuck her boyfriend in our room and couldn’t even bother to tell me until an hour before.” she said, words spilling out of her now.
Jason listened to her rant silently. His hand was still on her back. Without thinking Raven glanced over, not realizing just how close they were. Jason was still crouched on the floor beside her and she was sitting on her knees, wet skirt pooled around her.
Her hair was wet too, pasted against her skull.
Ever so gently Jason brushed a lock of wet hair behind her ear, and then she realized. Oh fuck. This was a ploy, a game.
He was after her. Not in a real genuine way, of course, but in a fuckboy, mess around, screw with her head, way. The lights in the apartment dorm were dim. And she was tired, stressed, sad out of her mind.
Maybe a person with nothing to lose. And their faces were so close.
And so maybe it was actually kind of understandable that Raven did one of the stupidest things she’d ever done.
She bent up and kissed him on the mouth.
She didn’t kiss people on the mouth. She didn’t do stuff like this. But she was having such a bad day.
Jason tensed, jerking back, almost on reflex.
It was a terrible kiss.
She was terrible at kissing people, at everything really, and now she was going to walk out, back into the rain storm, and hope that she caught hyperthermia and froze to death.
Jason’s eyes flickered over her face. She stared right back blankly.
And then he bent over and kissed her back.
He was much better at kissing people than she was, she realized. He kissed her slowly at first, but it turned harder faster, like she was burning, like she was on fire. Oh god.
She was kissing Jason Todd. And that was when she realized that she had, in fact, fucked up.
His mouth pressed hard against hers, arms pressing her up against him. One hand found its way under her jacket, against her cold wet skin, the other tangled in her short hair. She moaned into his mouth and it didn’t really help her case at all as he only kissed her harder.
He leaned over her, the back of her head pressing into the edge of the sofa. She gasped as his mouth moved from hers to the curve of her neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. She couldn’t help the little moans that escaped her throat as he left kisses all down her neck and throat, tugging her wet jacket to the side.
His hands clutched in the denim fabric of her jacket, pausing as he rose to look her in the eye. Her face must be flushed beyond belief, she knew, but somehow she found it within herself to take a shuddering breath, to look at him.
He was all dark hair and dark eyes, glinting in the light. Her back was pressed against the leather sofa, and heat was pooling in her stomach. She swallowed, his eyes following the action like a predator.
His hands loosened their grip in her jacket. She realized that he was still in his wet clothing too. Jason leaned forward forward, lips nearly close enough to brush her ear.
“I think we’d better get out of these wet clothes, don’t you think?” his voice was low and rolling. Heat flooded her body, as she caught the meaning in his words. A blush burned, pleasant and warm, over her cheeks. She shifted slightly, relaxing in his arms.
“Seems to be the sensible thing to do.” she murmured.
His smirk was wicked.
He was actually gonna have to thank Dick for this later.
Out of all the ways that this day could have gone, Raven in his bed was not something that he could’ve ever imagined. Her head fell back against a pillow, as he sucked on the curve between her jawline. She let out a noise just like a sparrow, low and sweet, and it went straight to the pit of his stomach.
Her jacket lay on his floor, the first victim of the night. She always wore that bulky thing like armour, and it was a welcome sight to get to see her pale, slight shoulders, her slender neck.
She groaned as his mouth went lower, near her neckline. He nipped at the pale skin of her collar bones, earning a gasp from the girl and surely making a bruise there later. His hands clutched at her back, at her hips, pressing her up against him.
She moaned, the sound filling the room. He moved, mouth covering hers fiercely.
God. This was more than he could’ve ever dreamed, better than he could’ve ever imagined in his life.
Raven.
Perfect, flawless, serious, prim little Raven.
The girl who was Dick’s best friend, who was way too smart for him, who was way way way out of his league. A girl he never could, never would get.
And she was here, in his bed. Moaning as he kissed her throat. Shuddering at his every touch.
Her hair hung around her face in short damp violet threads. Her fingers twisted into his shirt. He shifted, tugging her flush against him, running his hand down her back in the process.
Her whole body shuddered at the action. Jason nipped at her lips, felt her gasp. It was a little cute, just how sensitive she was to being touched. He hadn’t ever seen her around with guys, (except for those three, which didn’t count) Jason wasn’t sure if she had ever even had a boyfriend.
She was so high above it, it didn’t seem necessary, for somebody like her. Raven walked without judgement, without self-consciousness, like some kind of otherworldly creature.
“Jake.” she murmured, voice sounding as though it came from far back in her throat.
He kissed her jaw. “Hm.”
Her fingers tugged at his shirt and he smirked at the slightly put out pout on her face. “You’re all wet and cold.” Raven reminded him. Jason grinned, noting the faint blush burning on her cheeks.
Raven didn’t blush. Her face was still, a perpetual statue of marble. Now though, she was blushed down to her shoulders.
He kind of liked it on her.
More than happy to oblige, Jason tugged off his shirt and dumped it on the floor beside his bed. Her hands snuck back slowly, wrapping around his shoulders.
The rain pounded down on the roof. The sound was inclosing, shutting them off from the rest of the world.
She breathed in and out, her chest rising and falling. Her chest was pressed up against his, close enough for him to feel the slight heat of her own body. He folded his arms around her tiny body.
Her eyelashes fluttered as she blinked. There was almost a faint glimmer of purple within her blue eyes, he noted, fascinated.
Their lips met in a slow kiss. Her body was so tense and rigid. She had said she had had a bad day. Aw. Poor little bird. Jason let his hand rest on the small of her back, on the small bare patch of skin in between her skirt and top.
He let his mouth twist into a truly obnoxious grin. “Don’t you think we should make this fair, Wren?”
A blazing blush burned its way over her face. She shifted, averting her eyes. Maybe he was pushing too much, but it was a fair question, and her answer would say just how much fun she was actually willing to have.
He thumbed the small of her back gently, as she hesitated.
“Fine.” she mumbled after a minute. Her arms tightened around his neck and she kissed him, leaning harder into his lap. It was a little clumsy, but still great. They kissed like that for a minute, and he let his hands rest on the back of her top, hesitating, because this was Raven.
It almost felt wrong somehow.
Raven pulled back from his mouth, a breath away. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how to undress a girl.” she muttered. Jason’s eyes darkened. Oh she thought that this was funny?
He pulled her back against him, swallowing the small squeak that bubbled up from her throat. His hands closed on the knit fabric of her top and roughly tugged it up, over her head and tossed in the growing pile. There was too much kissing and pressing to do much noticing of anything.
Her fingernails dug into his back. He bit lightly on her lip and felt a whimper bubble up from her throat, almost guttural. He felt his mouth twist upwards.
For all her bark, Raven had very little bite. She had this habit of going limp when he kissed her in a particular way that she liked, and it was doing horrible things to Jason, and he had to keep reminding himself to go slow, to be careful because this was Raven, and not just take her in one giant rush like he so wanted to.
With one hand on the small of her back he very slowly began to ease her back, relaxing her with softer kisses, moving from her mouth to the curve of her jaw, the slope of her neck, until she was laying on her back, blushed down to her shoulders.
He took just a moment to catch his breath and admire his handiwork.
Jason liked girls. He liked girls a lot. They were soft and pretty, and they dipped and swelled in all the right places. Raven looked up at him with a vulnerable half lidded gaze and kissed swollen lips and Jason felt a rush like he had just jumped off a cliff.
Her hands rested on the pillow, up beside her head, and the way her body language had loosened and relaxed was putting considerable strain on Jason’s self control.
“What?” she asked, voice breathless somehow. It took Jason a minute to remember how to talk.
“You’re gorgeous.” was all he said, because honestly, what else was there to say? And then he bent, kissing her deeply. She had stiffened at his words, but slowly began to relax again as his hands wandered, caressing her bare skin.
He kissed down her neck, to the curve of her shoulders and across her chest. Raven was not an extremely well endowed girl, but her chest was soft and swelled up gently, her skin a lily white, and Jason thought that she was perfect.
His teeth grazed her skin and she let out a reedy little cry.
Jason was sure that he felt the blood pounding through his veins at the sound.
He found his way back up to her mouth, kissing her gently, while his hands ran along her back. Her skin was soft, but slightly damp, and nearly cold to the touch. Almost as if he had read her mind, she visibly shivered.
Jason nearly laughed at the sight of her although he resisted, being smart enough to realize that she probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate the humor in the moment. It was a sad fact though, that she currently very much resembled a very small, very damp, very unhappy bird.
Her violet hair had yet to begin to dry, despite being fairly short. It was cut shorter than it had been in a while, coming only to about her chin, but it highlighted the delicate curve of her jaw and neck, and left her skin very helpfully exposed.
Something about it was just really…eye-catching.
He drug his mouth across the skin at the curve of her jaw and Raven let out a gasping moan. “Jake…”
Her fingers clutched feebly in his hair, around his neck. He felt himself grin, he really actually just couldn’t help it. She was just so fucking cute. And he knew that she liked this. And he liked that he was in control, that it was him doing this to her. He liked it a lot.
His teeth bit at the curve of her jaw, at the base of her ear and she moaned again. Jason let his arms fold around her small frame, pressing her flush against his body. She was a tiny damp lump against his skin.
God, why was she so fucking cold? He ran his hands along her back, more to warm her up than anything. She hummed, deep in her throat. He found his way to her mouth again, kissing her slowly, deeper and deeper.
Jason thought that he might could kiss her forever. He carded a hand through her short damp hair, cupping her face. He paused, stilling, as he felt her hips rock against his.
“Jake.” she mumbled, pale cheeks flushed. He smiled vaguely and leaned in to kiss her once more. “What do you want, Vennie.” he said softly, pulling back, far enough to look her in the eyes.
He might have lost his mind at the moment, but this was the girl that he had watched (wanted) since he was thirteen, always drifting in and out of his vision, always just out of reach. Interesting and cool and artistic and smart, always doing something weird.
And he had had the hugest crush on her.
A secret crush, because 1, if anyone found out he would’ve died of embarrassment, and 2, she was Dick’s friend first, and that meant she was completely and totally off limits.
But now she had kissed him. So now all bets were fucking off.
Her eyes blinked, slow and heavy. She blushed darker, averting her eyes. “I thought we were gonna…” her eyes flitted to her skirt. He grinned. “Yeah?”
She rolled her eyes to the back of her head. “Don’t make me say it.” she muttered, rolling over on her side, an arm draped over her face, shielding her torso as she curled in on herself.
Jason bit back a laugh but part of it still escaped. He traced a circle on her hip with his fingers. She had disappeared into herself, curled into a little ball, knees pulled against her chest. Finally he took pity on her, tugging her back into his arms.
He kissed the skin at her shoulder, soft. Finally after an eternity, her eyes fluttered back up to his face. His hands cradled her back. “Do you want me to fuck you?” he said, voice low. Because he wanted her to be sure. He wanted to hear her say it.
Her face flushed, but she didn’t look away this time. “Yeah.” she murmured, eyes big. He smirked, tugging her against his chest. “You don’t sound sure.”
She frowned. “I am.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Hm.”
She poked him, but it didn’t hurt at all. He sniggered slightly. “Have you even had sex before?”
The look on her face was one of supreme offense. “I have.” But her voice wavered. He kissed a trail on her face. “I think you’re lying.” he said thoughtfully.
“I’m not.” she said in a wavery tone, head tilting back to let him kiss her neck. She really seemed to like that, he noted. He smiled, hands on her hips.
“I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to forget my awful day and my awfuler sleeping arrangements.” she said, glaring at him, but he saw right through her. He smirked, caging in her head with his arms.
“Hm. Yeah. Cause this is way worse than that park bench.”
Her eyes rolled again, but he caught the way she trembled slightly. He paused, hesitating. “You sure you’re okay?”
She groaned. Then she leaned upwards, stealing a biting kiss from his mouth. A flicker of a smirk ghosted over her mouth at the look on his face. He looked down at her, eyes narrowing.
Okay then.
He crushed her against him, hands running over whatever skin he could touch. She groaned, but it was swallowed up inside his kiss. His hands found the waistband of her skirt and quickly eased her out of it, dropping it into the pile of clothes on the floor. She shivered once, and that was it.
They kissed again. Now her hands were on his back, nails clutching at the bare skin. Something about the sensation made his stomach clench, like he couldn’t breathe. He pulled away quickly to pull off his jeans and dump them on the floor, and then Raven was back on him, climbing into his lap, straddling his hips.
Her cold hands clutched at him in a needy sort of kiss. He could tell that she wasn’t great at this, that her movements were a little awkward and jerky, but he really couldn’t complain, the feeling of her skin against his was just so nice.
They fell back against the bed, a little giggle escaping from her throat. He grinned at the sound.
“You have a pretty smile.” he said without thinking about it, only because he’d never seen it. It flickered on her face, her eyes faltering.
No wonder her friends loved her so much, if she smiled like that, anybody would fall in love with her.
She rolled onto her back, head against the pillow. Her body language was loose, soft. He swallowed, throat tight. Her fingers brushed his wrist, prompting him.
“Jake…” she murmured, face flushing. He bent over, cupping her cheeks and kissing her. She melted into it, leaning into him. Her thighs fell apart, his fingers hooking onto her underwear. She sighed, as he tugged the garment off her thighs, ridding her of her very last article of clothing.
Raven let out a hum in the back of her throat, and shifted slightly. She waited expectantly, almost.
Jason couldn’t help but feel slightly apprehensive. He wanted to make her feel good, as good as possible.
Secretly, deep down, he wanted her to want to do this again with him.
He wished that she had any kind of guidance, any hint of what she wanted him to do, but there was an endearingly innocent light in her eyes. Jason had long realized that he was on his own.
But she had responded well to everything so far, so he figured that he might as well just go for it. She seemed to be really sensitive though, to everything. So he’d be gentle. He really, really didn’t want to hurt her.
Her eyes followed him as he kissed a trail down her torso, hands following, kissing her breasts, the curve of her hips. A whine rose in her throat, low and slow, when he kissed the inside of her pale thighs.
“Jake, what are you-” He smiled as she let out a wavering cry, soft and sweet, when he put his mouth in her. Her whole body shook with wavering trembles as he pressed harder into her, deeper.
He smiled at the gasping cries that escaped her mouth. God, it took nothing for her.
He pulled away when her shaking became uncontrollable. He moved upwards, leaving a trail of bruises on the pale sensitive skin on her thighs. The purplish color was pretty against her white skin, like art. He let his hands wander across her skin, tracing her soothingly as she trembled, coming down gaspingly from her high, desperately trying to catch her breath.
Jason kissed her heavily, pulling her tighter against him. It was made harder by the fact that someone was currently occupying her airways, but she didn’t make any protests, except for the occasional gasping moan.
Raven was completely overwhelmed.
It vaguely felt as if she were melting, like her body was on fire. All she could think of was Jason. Despite her pride, she thought she might die if he stopped.
She felt her back arch into his touch as she cried out. Finally she came undone, gasping for breath. Oh god. His smirk was way too full of himself.
She pulled away from him, curling into herself, wrapping herself deep into the sheets. She could hear him laughing, felt his hand on her hip bone, gently tugging her out from her nest.
God, was sex always this- embarrassing? She found herself looking up at him, his hands planted on either side of her hips. He leaned above her, a slightly predatory glint in his eyes that set her on fire.
Raven knew she was flushed down to her shoulders, could feel her heartbeat threatening to break out of her chest. Jason looked down at her, his face a mix of slight amusement and maybe a bit of gentleness.
“Aw Vennie. Don’t get shy on me.” he said in a low voice, before leaning forward, his mouth finding her throat. She groaned as he kissed a trail down the curve of her neck. Raven fought to keep her composure but it was just, so fucking hard.
When he was kissing her like this, like he-
she stopped herself.
This was sex. No feelings allowed.
This was what adults did. Touched and kissed without any holdups.
Even if this was Jason.
Grey-eyed, dark haired, funny, smart, Jason.
Strong.
God, she had never seen him without a shirt on.
He was warm. His body pressed against hers. Melting.
His hands on her hips, against her back, easing her against the pillows. Touching. Touching her everywhere, kissing, everywhere.
He kissed her on her mouth, deeper and deeper. She gasped, feeling herself moan.
Anything resembling thoughts were rapidly leaving her mind. She settled herself against the bed, shifting her hips. Jason rested above her head, propped up by his arms on either side of her head.
His eyes watched her, tracing her body. Longingly, she realized, with a start.
A hot rush of heat rushed and pooled in her stomach.
Jason Todd, longed for her.
To touch her.
Her hands found the strength to wrap around his shoulders, halfway pulling herself up to kiss him chastely on the mouth. God, she was a terrible kisser. He laughed and kissed her back all the same though, so hopefully it wasn’t too bad.
Raven lost track of how long they kissed. It might have been an hour, five minutes, or forever. He kissed her shoulder, strangely hesitant.
“You sure Vennie.” he said, voice a low husk. She looked up at him with lovestruck eyes. She hoped he didn’t know that she adored him. It would only make this a thousand times more embarrassing.
She also really hoped that he didn’t know she had never had sex before. He watched her face, studying it.
He really was a lot smarter than Dick or Tim gave him credit for.
He was wonderful. God, she’d do anything for him to be hers.
He smiled, eyes crinkling slightly, and kissed her, deep and slow and sweet, and she melted against him. His hands, rough and calloused, one on her cheek, the other pressing into the small of her back. Pressing her against him.
The room was dark, a pool of blue darkness. The only light poured from his desk lamp, silhouetting the edge of his face, dripping a puddle of golden light onto his desk.
When he pressed into her, she winced from the pain. He knew, he had to know. He was being too careful, too kind.
She tried to school her face, conceal her reaction. “Are you okay?” he asked. She nodded. Stopping wasn’t an option. She would rather die.
Gradually the pain eased, replaced with a different, softer feeling. He moved against her, hips finding a rhythm against hers. She felt her fingernails dig into his shoulders.
Breathless. Was this what love felt like?
Was this the opposite of loneliness?
She thought, breathless, of her mother. Desperate for love. For this.
She had never understood, but she thought she was maybe starting to. Maybe, this was enough. Tears bubbled up in her eyes. Oh god.
The sensation, combined with a lack of sleep and food, overwhelmed her as she reached the edge. Jason brushed her hair back, held her as she crumpled over the edge.
She wondered if that was her she heard say “I love you.” into the darkness.
Jason studied the tiny purple-haired girl nestled in his bed, in his arms. He grinned, brushing her short hair back.
She made some kind of contented noise and nuzzled into his chest.
“God you’re cute.” he murmured under his breath. The girl in question made no reply.
Jason carefully shifted his weight, laying back and tugging her closer to him. This was it. The very thought lit up his brain like fireworks. She was gonna be his. After years of longing and pining, this was it.
He ran his fingers through her hair. In the morning, he’d ask her.
Raven woke with an ache in her body, nestled somewhere soft and warm. She sighed, when she realized with a shock that she was lying next to somebody.
All of a sudden the events of the previous night came flooding back to her. She sat up and immediately regretted it, her head swirling with the sudden movement. Raven swallowed hard.
Beside her Jason stirred slightly. Raven shut her eyes, her fingers clenching into the sheets. Oh god.
An overwhelming emptiness was starting to well up inside her, despite her best efforts to tamp it down. She was just another girl. Another worthless, stupid girl.
Raven realized that she had to go before she began to cry, right here, right now.
Jason cracked an eye to see Raven up, furiously putting on her clothes. He bit back a sigh.
He had figured that she would be upset, she seemed like the type to regret stuff done in the heat of the moment.
He sat up, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. “Rae- you don’t have to go now. It’s still super early.”
Raven glanced at him darkly, pulling her top over her head. He noticed the way the sunlight hit her skin, the way her ribs made little ridges in her chest. She was close to skin and bones, way too thin.
And also clearly mad.
“There’s no way you have class this early. Come on.”
It really was way too early for this. Raven’s eyes were sharp. Fucking morning people.
“I have to go.”
“Aren’t we even gonna talk about this?” he said, getting up after her. “About us?” He was vaguely aware that this wasn’t going in the direction that he wanted it to.
Raven turned around, hand on the doorknob, as if that would help hasen in her escape. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t have to spread this around the whole campus, but if you must, then I suppose I can’t stop you.” she said tightly, and Jason wondered for the hundredth time what he had done to make her hate him so much.
“Raven- I really don’t-”
Her face was a blank, cold as marble. He honestly hated her when she looked like that.
“It’s just sex Jason. Don’t get so hung up about it.” she said, voice hard as stone.
Then with that she turned on her heel and shut the door in his face.
Jason felt like he was left gasping for air. God. He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. God, why did it have to be like this?
He exhaled and shut his eyes.