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Part 31 of CX's F1cs
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Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri: The Kitten Interview

Summary:

(Clip of LANDO NORRIS meowing.)

LANDO NORRIS: Hello everyone, it’s Lando Norris here and-

OSCAR PIASTRI: Oscar Piastri. And we’re here with BuzzFeed to answer your questions while we play with, um, kittens.

(He does an awkward thumbs-up as the camera zooms in on his face. LANDO turns towards him and laughs.)

(Cut to the title screen.)

Notes:

Cats are more my thing. It's probably in your best interest to toggle that "Show Creator's Style" button at the top, but if you don't, it's fine too.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

McLaren F1 Drivers Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri Played With Kittens, And I've Never Been More Jealous Of A Cat

For getting to witness their highly professional relationship up close…?

by Kichona Shinko

💬 View 4 comments

Papaya fans, this one's for you.

Whether it's the guys being distracted by how cute the kittens are, to answering which kitten is most like Oscar, and more, you'll be sure to be charmed! Watch it below:

TRANSCRIPT

(Clip of LANDO NORRIS meowing.)

LANDO NORRIS: Hello everyone, it’s Lando Norris here and-

OSCAR PIASTRI: Oscar Piastri. And we’re here with BuzzFeed to answer your questions while we play with, um, kittens.

(He does an awkward thumbs-up as the camera zooms in on his face. LANDO turns towards him and laughs.)

(Cut to the title screen.)

LANDO NORRIS: -Oscar is like the politest cat you’ll ever meet. The Internet speaks the truth, sometimes.

(OSCAR shakes his head in exasperation and puts it in his hands, but we can see that he’s laughing. Meanwhile, LANDO gasps.)

LANDO NORRIS: Oh my God, they’re coming- oh!

(Five kittens enter, poking their heads around curiously. OSCAR looks a little overwhelmed meeting his tiny brethren.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: They can’t be more than four months old… babies.

LANDO NORRIS: Come on, mate, don’t just sit there. Look, how cute!

(He holds a kitten next to his face to rub his cheek against her fur.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Mm. Yep.

(We’re not sure whether he’s agreeing that the kittens are cute because he’s looking right at his teammate.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: They’re so soft.

(Seemingly in his own world, he pets the cat methodically, smiling to himself. LANDO dangles a squeaky mouse in front of the kitten in OSCAR’s lap, and OSCAR just lets him lean into his space. It’s clear to us how close they are as teammates.)

LANDO NORRIS: Aww, this one looks like you, mate.

(The camera zooms in on the kitten LANDO points at, blinking like he’s trying his hardest to stay awake as OSCAR pets him. Must be nice.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Hi, little guy. Don’t fall asleep on me.

LANDO NORRIS: My children-

(The kittens perk up.)

LANDO NORRIS: Come to Mummy.

(He is ignored.)

INTERVIEWER: I guess we should get started, yeah?

(OSCAR and LANDO both look surprised that they’re here for an interview. We should’ve just let them play with the kittens for an hour instead.)

LANDO NORRIS: Sounds good! Oh, I love you baby.

(He is distracted by a kitten again, oblivious to how flustered OSCAR looks.)

INTERVIEWER: So what do you guys look forward to the most when traveling to the US?

LANDO NORRIS: BuzzFeed Kitten Interview, obviously.

OSCAR PIASTRI: That part.

(The producers laugh off-screen. Flatterers.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Well, the real answer-

INTERVIEWER: That wasn’t the real answer? Wow.

OSCAR PIASTRI: I’ll just be over there playing with the kittens. Meow if you need me.

(Everyone laughs again, including LANDO and OSCAR. LANDO has one hand on OSCAR’s bicep now, like he’s preventing him from actually getting up to sit in the corner.)

(LANDO scoops three kittens up and plops them in OSCAR’s lap for good measure.)

LANDO NORRIS: I like the clubs in Miami. Oscar experienced living for the first time this year.

(OSCAR rolls his eyes. He has not stopped smiling since the beginning of the video.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Wait, I’m pretty sure there were five kittens.

(He hands the kittens back to LANDO and stands up to look for the other two.)

LANDO NORRIS: Agh, they’re so frickin’ cute!

(We’re not sure if he’s only talking about the kittens.)

INTERVIEWER: What’s your favorite American slang word?

LANDO NORRIS: It’s gotta be ‘rizz’. I learned what it meant last year, and people keep calling me Lando ‘Norizz’. I think. I haven’t been on Twitter- sorry, X in a while. Ow, he’s biting me- ow. Oscar, help.

(OSCAR plucks the kitten from LANDO’s lap, settling him on the ground when he meows, disgruntled.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Uh, I reckon my favorite American slang… bro? Lando calls me that sometimes.

(LANDO and OSCAR exchange a look. We don’t know what it means. OSCAR goes back to wrangling the kittens.)

INTERVIEWER: Who would you say has more rizz between the two of you?

LANDO NORRIS: Well, it has to be Oscar, if I’m Lando Norizz. But, my God, have you seen those TikTok edits of him from Qatar? Hot.

(The producers murmur amongst themselves, while OSCAR turns bright red and stutters something incomprehensible. Are our mics working, or do we need to get new ones?)

LANDO NORRIS: Oh, you can keep that in, by the way. Free speech, and all.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Yeah…

INTERVIEWER: You sure?

(OSCAR nods, looking more sure of himself than we’ve seen so far.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I’d say Lando has more rizz. Just look how many kittens he’s holding.

(He has a kitten in his arms too, and he’s rocking it back and forth like a baby. We all want to be that cat right now.)

INTERVIEWER: A tie, then?

LANDO NORRIS: Yeah, we can share the top step.

INTERVIEWER: Next question. If you were a video game character, what are two accessories you’d come with?

OSCAR PIASTRI: Kittens.

(LANDO isn’t even paying attention. He’s too busy dangling a worm on a string in front of the kittens and squealing when they bat at it.)

LANDO NORRIS: Sorry, what was the question?

OSCAR PIASTRI: If you were a video game character, which two items would you come with?

INTERVIEWER: I- yes, thank you.

LANDO NORRIS: A car and… money.

(OSCAR laughs.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Money, to like, throw at people? As a weapon?

LANDO NORRIS: Yeah, mate. Have you seen those videos of that guy throwing leaves and shit and impaling a board? I could do that with, like, five quid.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Mate, your wrists aren’t strong enough for that.

LANDO NORRIS: Yours are, though.

(They are lost in their own world with five kittens. We aren’t completely sure about the implications of what LANDO just said, but the boss said it’s okay to keep in the video.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I’d still keep the kittens. Or a sword and a gun.

(LANDO holds a kitten up, Lion King style, and begins warbling out what might be ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’. The kitten meows at him, and he meows back.)

INTERVIEWER: You guys have met a lot of A-list celebrities by now. Which ones left an impression?

LANDO NORRIS: Michelle Rodriguez was pretty cool when I took her for a hot lap last year. She asked me if Oscar was my boy. He is my boy.

(OSCAR buries his face in his hands. He picks a kitten up to bury his face in her fur too.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I reckon they all kind of left an impression. I’ve only ever been starstruck by one celebrity before, and that’s Lando.

(Lots of ‘aww’s in the room. LANDO looks mildly flustered for the first time, and he scoots closer to OSCAR, pushing the kittens along with him.)

(We let them play with the kittens for a while. Thank us later.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I’m going to kidnap all of them. Our flat’s big enough for them, right?

(We think he misspoke.)

LANDO NORRIS: Yeah, they should fit. But we’re away so often…

(Never mind.)

INTERVIEWER: Ahem. Okay, if you weren’t F1 drivers, what do you think you’d be good at?

OSCAR PIASTRI: Cricket, perhaps. Or, uh, cat tamer.

(The camera zooms in on the kitten snoozing away in his arms.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Actually, that’s already my full-time job with him.

(He jabs a thumb in LANDO’s direction. LANDO squawks indignantly.)

LANDO NORRIS: I’m not a cat, mate.

(Clip of LANDO streaming on Twitch, clearly saying otherwise.)

(Cat whiskers and ears are edited onto LANDO.)

LANDO NORRIS: If I’m a cat, then so is Oscar.

(Cat whiskers and ears are edited onto OSCAR.)

LANDO NORRIS: We’re a pair of cats.

(OSCAR looks at him fondly. Too fondly, maybe. A kitten meows from the corner of the studio and runs up to him, reaching up to boop his nose.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: We’re cats… playing with cats?

LANDO NORRIS: Exactly.

(Cut to the kittens running circles around them.)

INTERVIEWER: A more F1 related question—which track is your favorite on the calendar?

OSCAR PIASTRI: Spa.

(He goes back to cuddling the kitten in his lap.)

LANDO NORRIS: I like Silverstone, obviously, and Suzuka is another favorite of mine. Might have to add Austin to the list if it means more detours to BuzzFeed headquarters.

INTERVIEWER: It all circles back to the cats, huh?

LANDO NORRIS: Of course! Why wouldn’t it be about these adorable, little, silly fuzzballs?

(He opens his mouth and mimes biting one of the kittens before kissing him instead. OSCAR instantly turns to look at him.)

INTERVIEWER: I know this gets mentioned in every interview, but you drivers have a WhatsApp group chat, if I’m not mistaken.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Yep.

LANDO NORRIS: It’s boring, really.

(A kitten clings to LANDO’s sweater, so he gives up trying to pry her away.)

INTERVIEWER: If you could send one meme to all the other drivers, what would it be?

LANDO NORRIS: I’d reply to everything with George Russell turning around, all sassy. It’s even better that he’s one of the, like, staff people.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Mods.

LANDO NORRIS: Yes, that.

INTERVIEWER: And you, Oscar?

OSCAR PIASTRI: I mean, I’ve got some pretty good memes of myself. If the FIA made a decision regarding something I did, I could parody the Alpine Tweet.

LANDO NORRIS: I understand that, without my agreement, the FIA have given me a penalty for impeding this afternoon. This is wrong, and I have never impeded anyone in my life because I am cool as a cucumber and a brilliant driver. I will not be receiving the penalty.

(OSCAR laughs, full-bodied.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I refuse the penalty. Full stop.

LANDO NORRIS: Full stop.

(We can never keep their attention from the kittens for long.)

(Insert idle music through a timelapse of OSCAR and LANDO chasing after kittens.)

(LANDO makes nonsensical, high-pitched noises as he tickles a kitten’s belly.)

INTERVIEWER: Lando, your fans want to know your favorite country tunes. Do you still like country, or is that phase over now?

(OSCAR groans.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I still hear it through our wall.

LANDO NORRIS: You hear a lot of things through our wall.

INTERVIEWER: Moving swiftly on. What’s your love language?

LANDO NORRIS: The whiplash! Wait, give me a minute. Where are you?

(LANDO pulls a kitten out from behind him while another one pops her head out from the collar of his sweater. OSCAR’s expression turns even softer, if that’s possible.)

LANDO NORRIS: Hi, kitty, muah, muah. You’re so cute, ugh. I’m stealing you all.

(Cut to LANDO with two kittens in his sweater.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: His love language is physical touch… and words of affirmation… and quality time… all of them, really.

LANDO NORRIS: Hey?

OSCAR PIASTRI: Before you ask how I know, I spend a lot of time with him. And he can’t hide anything to save his life.

LANDO NORRIS: Hmph. Well, Oscar’s love language is acts of service. If you even care.

(Cut to LANDO with all five kittens squirreled away.)

LANDO NORRIS: Oscar, we should keep them.

OSCAR PIASTRI: That’s what I’ve been saying.

(Another montage of OSCAR and LANDO being silly with the kittens. OSCAR tries bundling all of them in LANDO’s sweater.)

INTERVIEWER: Oscar, you’ve won F2, F3, and Formula Renault championships back-to-back. What has kept you motivated, and what continues to motivate you?

(LANDO gives him a look. He appears to be fighting the urge to laugh.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: No, Lando, it’s not Mark Webber.

LANDO NORRIS: Sure, mate.

OSCAR PIASTRI: I was actually going to say it’s you. And, uh, my mum. Yeah.

(OSCAR ducks his head, reaching into LANDO’s sweater to stroke a kitten’s head.)

LANDO NORRIS: Aww, that’s really cute.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Ugh.

(LANDO attacks OSCAR in a hug, dislodging all the kittens.)

LANDO NORRIS: Oh, no, babies, please come back! Mummy didn’t mean to scare you!

(He scurries off, chasing after the kittens.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I was just going to say that I’ve kind of looked up to Lando all throughout the junior series. I don’t really look up to him now because, well, I’m taller… haha.

LANDO NORRIS: Oi!

OSCAR PIASTRI: And now he’s my teammate, which means he pushes me to do better every race weekend.

INTERVIEWER: That’s sweet, actually.

(OSCAR sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. His face is redder than a tomato.)

INTERVIEWER: Obviously, you guys are athletes. What kind of workout routines do you guys do, or what are some rituals you do before each race?

(LANDO sits back down, unsuccessful in his quest to round up the kittens. Instead, he watches them crawl around, sniffing at all the fluffy toys scattered on the ground.)

LANDO NORRIS: Kittens- I mean, neck exercises. I hate them, but they help us keep our heads straight when we turn corners.

OSCAR PIASTRI: Yeah, neck exercises. I do weights, sometimes, and a bit of cardio. Lando naps.

LANDO NORRIS: Oscar! I mean, he’s not wrong…

OSCAR PIASTRI: If it helps you stay relaxed before a race, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I love naps.

LANDO NORRIS: Napping’s lovely.

OSCAR PIASTRI: We are kind of like cats, aren’t we?

(The producers laugh off-screen.)

INTERVIEWER: What has changed the most from your rookie days to now?

OSCAR PIASTRI: Well, I was just a rookie last year, so I wouldn’t say much has changed. It’s kind of surreal that I have a win under my belt already. Of course, last year, I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d be filming kitten videos.

(He nuzzles the kitten’s fur and continues petting him.)

LANDO NORRIS: Same, actually. Five years ago, I didn’t have a win either!

(He pauses to laugh.)

LANDO NORRIS: I had two other teammates before Oscar, but neither of them have felt tailored to me the way Oscar is. And he’s the first teammate that’s younger than me, but we’re pretty evenly matched.

OSCAR PIASTRI: That’s kind of you to say.

(LANDO shrugs, nearly dislodging the kitten climbing onto his shoulder.)

LANDO NORRIS: Just telling the truth, mate.

(OSCAR looks at LANDO again. There is no disguising the fondness they have for each other.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: We’re stuck with each other for at least a few more years, so it’s good that we get along as well as we do.

LANDO NORRIS: Yeah, he’s really easygoing, which is nice, and we hardly ever disagree, anyway. If there’s a bit of tension, we just talk it out and then kiss-

(Cut to glitch screen.)

INTERVIEWER: What would you name these kittens?

LANDO NORRIS: This one is Oscar.

(He immediately holds up the fluffy orange kitten in his lap, who blinks sleepily. OSCAR rolls his eyes. The human. Not the cat.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Then this one is Lando.

(The little black kitten cradled in OSCAR’s arms meows and bats at his hoodie strings. He purrs when OSCAR scratches between his ears.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: I reckon we can leave the other three to their future owners.

(LANDO is playing tug-of-war with LANDO now. LANDO is winning. The cat. Not the Formula 1 driver.)

INTERVIEWER: Unfortunately, that’s all we have time for. How about you say your last words to your fans, to the viewers, and to these kittens?

LANDO NORRIS: Cruel of you guys to tear me away from my babies, really. But, yeah, thank you, to our papaya fans, the best fans, for your support. This is just the beginning for us, me and Oscar, so hopefully, we get more one-twos in these coming races.

OSCAR PIASTRI: We’re grateful for this opportunity to answer some of your questions while taking the time to play with kittens. So, uh, yeah. Please adopt them because we can’t take them back to Monaco with us.

(LANDO pouts. He whispers something in OSCAR’s ear, still clutching a kitten, and OSCAR sighs after a moment of wide-eyed pleading.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Never mind. We’ll be taking five kittens back to Monaco with us. But you can still check out Best Friends Animal Society for more information and other adoptable little kittens like these ones.

(LANDO, much happier, holds his brand new kitten up.)

LANDO NORRIS: Say something to the camera!

(The kitten meows and wriggles out of his grasp.)

LANDO NORRIS: Oh! Sorry! Oh…

(OSCAR dangles a feather toy in front of LANDO. The Formula 1 drivers. Not the cats. LANDO pushes it aside, like a cat.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: Adopt the kittens.

LANDO NORRIS: Yes! Thank you for watching the video. Thank you, BuzzFeed, for the opportunity. Oscar and I are hoping for more kittens- I mean, wins, so keep cheering us on and wearing papaya in the stands.

(LANDO meows at the kittens, and they finally flock to him.)

(The camera zooms in on OSCAR making a kitten wave at it.)

OSCAR PIASTRI: For fuck’s sake, Lando, now we’re parents to five squirmy kittens.

LANDO NORRIS: Because you love me!

OSCAR PIASTRI: Yeah.

(Oh. Okay.)

(Cut to end credits.)

A special thank you to Best Friends Animal Society for rescuing and providing us with these adorable kittens.
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Notes:

Thank you, Ki and Caro, for lending me your names.

So I post anonymously to keep the F1 stuff separate from most of the other works I have, but I made a tumblr! I mostly just reblog things, but asks and shit are always welcome.

Rebloggable tumblr post here!

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