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Caduceus couldn’t really remember the last time he’d slept in.
Well. He knew he’d been back at the Grove. He’d guess it was a cloudy morning, because the sun through his bedroom window usually woke him up. Beyond that, though, he wasn’t sure.
Living so long in isolation meant he’d become a light sleeper despite himself. Used to be, he could sleep through Colton snoring and Clarabelle sneaking into his bed during thunderstorms and Calliope mumbling in her sleep. Now, every little sound got his ears twitching.
It was good sometimes. Meant he didn’t miss a chance to talk Fjord down after another nightmare, and nobody would have to put in too much effort to rouse him for a watch. Meant that when Caleb got that horrible flu while they were on the road between Shady Creek and Zadash, Caduceus woke up whenever he needed something. Meant he’d noticed Caleb sneaking up to his makeshift bedroom in the Xhorhaus to cuddle, and could make sure he knew he was welcome.
It also meant that as soon as anybody was up, Caduceus was up, which was nice for the group, because if Caduceus was up, he was making breakfast. Everybody liked waking up to the smell of breakfast.
The Xhorhaus was different from being on the road in a lot of ways. A lot of good ways. Putting down roots really did feel nice. Roshona was a very strange city, and it was beautiful in its strangeness. Still, it didn’t quite feel like home when Caduceus woke to the sparser, more concentrated light of his Daylight lanterns instead of diffuse sunlight filtering through the leaves. Still, it was nice to wake up to something bright. He thought it might mess up his sleep schedule if he didn’t have a regular cycle of light and dark.
He looked at the lanterns swaying in the gentle morning breeze and smiled, burrowing himself a little more thoroughly in his nest of blankets. The lights had probably been on for a while, but it wasn’t those that had woken him up. There was still a soft tingle at the back of his head from being gently touched.
“Good morning,” Caduceus mumbled into the pillows.
"Ah. I was trying not to wake you."
Caduceus’ ear swiveled to catch Caleb's voice more clearly and he rumbled a soft noise of acknowledgment. "Thank you for trying."
A nervous laugh. "Of course."
"Now that you got caught, you can keep doing that, by the way," he said, closing his eyes again. "I'm not going back to sleep just yet, but it was nice."
There was a little click of Caleb's tongue and an intake of breath, and Caduceus imagined the look on his face. Trying not to show it, but embarrassed to be caught red-handed.
"It's not the weirdest thing somebody could do to me while I'm sleeping," Caduceus added.
"I… It's an instinct, from sharing a bed with Nott for so long," Caleb said.
Caduceus rolled over, taking the pillow he'd been hugging with him. He put the flat of his nose against Caleb's thigh and closed his eyes again. "I'm all yours."
There was another inhale, sharper. His wording had been a little flirtatious, hadn't it? Huh. He wasn't good at flirting, but apparently that could happen accidentally. With anybody else, it might make him slightly uncomfortable to notice, but with Caleb, he didn't mind.
And it meant Caleb's hand settled back onto his hair, which was the goal in the first place, so all was well. He continued petting Caduceus more deliberately than he had been, long fingers parting his hair and stroking through from root to tip. Caduceus hummed happily, continuing to gently bump his nose against Caleb's leg.
Caleb had been coming up to sleep in Caduceus’ bed for a few days now. Nott was sharing a room with Yeza, and having his own room was difficult for Caleb. Caduceus liked sharing space with Caleb, anyhow. Sometimes, on the road, Caleb slept with his head on Caduceus' chest, Nott curled into a little ball in between Caduceus' leg and Caleb's belly, and Frumpkin tucked behind his knees. When it was just the two of them, Caleb liked to lay on their sides and press himself up against Caduceus' back, his hands laying flat against Caduceus' shoulder blades and his forehead pressed into the back of Caduceus’ neck.
Caduceus would have been fine with Caleb’s arms around him, but Caleb was careful about his arms, maybe because of the scars on them. For now, he'd take Caleb's slow breathing against his spine, his hands held safe between them.
Caleb's hands moved to pet the short scruff of Caduceus' undercut. "Your color is fading, a little," he said. "I was wondering about that."
“My hair isn’t naturally pink, Mister Caleb.”
“Is it not?” Caleb sounded surprised, which Caduceus supposed was reasonable, given that Jester’s hair was naturally blue.
“Mm-mm. I color it, with a type of lichen that only lives in the Grove. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back, and I didn’t think to pack any.”
“You are kind of blowing my mind right now,” Caleb admitted. “But your beard is pink as well?”
“I dye that, too. My fur isn’t pink, and my eyebrows aren’t. My eyelashes aren’t.”
Caleb’s hand gently reached for Caduceus’ chin, turning him so he wasn’t hiding his face. He leaned in to examine him more closely, and Caduceus watched his upside-down face, his intense eyes, the curious set of his mouth. It was nice to be studied. Caleb studied things he cared about.
“Your nose is pink, though,” he said.
“So is yours. My fuzz is really short around there.” He rolled onto his back to let Caleb take a closer look at him, folding his hands over his belly and interlocking his fingers.
Caleb lifted his hand, then stopped with it in midair. “May I pet?”
“Anywhere you feel like,” Caduceus said.
Caleb’s fingertips stroked gently down his nose, then back up, examining the velvety texture. “It is almost like, almost like a horse’s nose. I’m sorry, that is probably an unflattering comparison.”
“Nah. I know plenty of nice horses.”
Caleb’s hand drifted, feeling over his beard, the undefined edge where the very short, almost unnoticeable fur on his face began to lengthen along his cheekbones. “I did notice, earlier, that not all your hair is pink.” His fingertip traced each of Caduceus’ brows. “But I did not find it strange that these would be gray, somehow. Perhaps because my hair is reddish, but my eyebrows are more brown, as is everything else.”
“Everything else?”
“On my arms, my legs, my chest. Elsewhere,” Caleb said. He was back to stroking Caduceus’ hair.
“Oh, I always forget you humans have that.” Caduceus let his eyes fall shut, preening under the attention. “There’s not very much of it, is there?”
“Compared to this, no.” Caleb’s hand patted indicatively against Caduceus’ chest, where his hair started to lengthen and curl a bit, the same way it did on his belly, his shins, the backs of his arms, and his underarms.
“Kinda interesting that it’s such a different color from your skin,” Caduceus said, nudging his cheek up against Caleb’s thigh. The dark red-brown really did look distinctive against the paleness of his skin, especially on his legs, where his clothes hid his skin from sunlight. Even Caduceus’ darker-haired siblings were a pretty close match to the color of the rest of their fur.
“I would say that’s a bit mundane to be interesting, but I would be quite the hypocrite,” Caleb said. “Do you have to do a lot of grooming?”
“Yeah. I get knots, otherwise.” In his pack, there was a wooden comb, one his father had carved for him years ago, with vines and leaves along it. The spaces between the teeth were a little uneven in places, because it was made more with love in mind than technical skill. “It’s a real mess when you’re a kid and your parents have to brush you out after a bath. Baby fluff is softer, but nobody sits still for that.”
Caleb’s hand was still on his chest, his fingers starting to move in little scratching motions, like when he was giving Frumpkin scritches on his shoulders and chin. If Caduceus could purr, he would’ve been, he was sure. Frumpkin, who was currently nestled in the roots of the tree where it sprouted out of the very walls of the house, might be getting jealous, but Caduceus was not apologizing.
Caduceus let one of his hands fall to his side, stroking along Caleb’s calf. His legs were stretched out, crossed at the ankles, and Caduceus thought he deserves some pets in thanks.
“And, doing that sort of thing for somebody else, is that especially uncommon?”
“Hmm.” He’d never really examined it. “I think it can be. It’s not something you do everyday.” He thought, unsurprisingly, of burials. Laying out a body was important for many families, and when they were firbolgs, it included carefully grooming their fur and hair. “Equivalent to washing someone, I think. It’s an act of care to do for someone who can’t do it for themselves, and it’s an act of affection to do for somebody who could.”
Caleb made a soft, considering noise, continuing to pet Caduceus’ fur, deliberately neatening it now, his short nails guiding it into smoother lines.
“And it’s definitely a sex thing for some people.”
Caleb’s hand stopped abruptly, then disappeared. When Caduceus looked up, he found him with his palm pressed over his mouth and nose. “ Scheiße , Caduceus.”
“What? Did I say something wrong?”
He made a little noise of indignation. “You might have told me I was, was feeling you up.”
“Nah, you’re not.”
“You just said it was a sex thing.”
“Sometimes. Sleeping together is also a sex thing sometimes, but it wasn’t for us, tonight.” He reached for Caleb’s hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“It is simply… I do not want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not. I’m very comfortable, actually.” He settled back in, watching Caleb with a soft smile. “I like this.”
“I like this, too.” Caleb let Caduceus pull his hand away from his face, back to rest on his chest. “It’s been a long time since I have been close to someone new—since I have been gentle with them, in a way like this.”
“That’s nice.” Caduceus leaned his head against Caleb’s leg. “That’s really nice. Let’s just be together, as close as you want to be.”
“If it’s too close…?”
It would be hard for Caleb, in particular, to get too close to Caduceus. “I’ll say. But petting me isn’t too close. Grooming me wouldn’t be, either.”
“I would like to,” Caleb said. “May I continue?”
“Sure. Hang on, I have stuff to make it easier.”
Caduceus sat up, but found he didn’t want to leave right away, not without some kind of reassurance that he wasn’t leaving because he was upset, even subconsciously. He cupped Caleb’s face in his hands and bumped his nose against his forehead, nuzzling the softest part of his nose and lips against his furrowed brow. There. That was good. He patted Caleb on the cheek before he meandered over to the cabinet where he’d been keeping his things.
He found his comb and a little jar of the conditioning oil he used to keep his fur soft and smooth, and returned to the bed-nest to find Caleb sitting more comfortably than he had been, legs crossed, back against the pile of oversized cushions.
“How is best to arrange ourselves?” Caleb asked, as Caduceus knelt in front of him.
“I don’t know,” Caduceus said. “I haven’t done this as an adult.” He considered Caleb, how he liked to hold onto him, how he might like to be touched. Caleb was beginning to understand how Caduceus worked, and gave him time to think. “Stretch your legs out, I’ll lay back against you.”
“Alright, then,” Caleb said. He was a little pink in the ears, like how he got when Caduceus bumped their noses together, or rested his chin on Caleb’s shoulder to look at whatever he was reading.
Caduceus settled in with his head in the middle of Caleb’s chest, feeling it rise and fall with his breath. He set the items he’d brought out on his belly. “This is a conditioner, to put in afterward,” he explained. “I have a brush for the rest of my body, but I usually only use that in the bath. My fur’s short enough everywhere else that I don’t get it ruffled.” He’d met some firbolgs, who lived higher in the mountains, who had very shaggy fur everywhere. He thought that might make travel harder when it got warm.
“Where should I brush?” Caleb asked. “Your chest, yes, but anywhere else?”
“Here is good, too.” Caduceus patted his belly. “Backs of my forearms, and my underarms have a lot of fluff, too. Although you guys are weird about underarms, sometimes.”
“We sweat from there,” Caleb said, “I know you don’t.”
Of course he’d noticed Caduceus mostly relieved heat through his palms, his soles, and other places his fur was shorter. It meant he generally wilted in extremely warm temperatures, but that was why he had a sun hat.
“Tell me if I pull too hard,” Caleb said.
“You’ll be fine. When I was a kid, I got a ton of mud in my fur, and left it long enough to form some serious knots, Mom had to yank them out. I’m not that much of a mess.”
“I imagine you have been even messier recently, with us,” Caleb said, beginning to run the comb through Caduceus’ fur, testing its give. He pressed deeper on the second pass, the teeth of the comb running along Caduceus’ skin with a nice, shivery sort of contact.
“Yeah. We do get our hands dirty. And everything else.” He specifically remembered disliking how badly seawater clung to his fur. Blood was worse overall, but you expected blood to make you matted and messy. Saltwater was a betrayal like that.
They lapsed into quiet as Caleb continued to comb out the fur on Caduceus’ chest. He reached a methodical pace, and began running his fingers through after every stroke of the comb. Caduceus was reminded of the way Caleb would pet Frumpkin to relax himself, or hand his fey cat to anybody he thought needed comfort. So this was nice for him, too. Good. Caduceus liked that it could be nice for them both.
Caleb brushed him for far longer than was necessary, but that was nice, too. Caduceus could feel him breathing, the soft in-out of his chest, the little tickle of every breath along his cheek, thanks to the way he lay with his head on Caleb’s shoulder.
“It’s loosening some hairs,” Caleb said, “is that okay?”
“I’m probably shedding a bit.” The Menagerie Coast and even Xhorhas were warmer than the Greying Wildlands. “As long as it doesn’t bother you, that’s fine. Probably needed a deep clean.”
“Frumpkin gets more hair on me than this, I think. Is there anywhere else I should go next? You are looking pretty smooth here, now.” Caleb’s fingers ran through his fur from the top of his chest down, leaving little furrows behind, before the flat of his hand smoothed them out.
“Wherever you like, really,” Caduceus said. “I’m just happy to be petted.”
Caleb pressed a kiss to the side of his head, where the fuzz of his undercut had recently been shorn nicely short, with a neat little spiral carved into it. He picked up Caduceus’ hand, and began combing through the fur on his forearm, arranging it to lay nicely in the pattern it grew. He wasn’t shedding quite as much there, because everyday acts like washing his hands or putting on clothing knocked any loose hairs away.
Again, Caleb passed his hand over the neatened fur, dragging his fingernails through it. That was the nicest part of all, Caduceus thought. He had spent a long time without anybody touching him, and now that he’d gotten accustomed to it again, he was a bit greedy for it.
Caduceus didn’t really expect him to, but Caleb lifted his hand higher, guiding it to drape back over his shoulder so he could comb out the fur under Caduceus’ arms. Thanks to the natural movements of the body, this was where knots were normally bound to happen, and you had to be careful with them, too, because it really smarted to yank them out. Caduceus had groomed his fur recently enough that there weren’t any bad ones, but Caleb was still gentle with him here, passing a few cursory strokes through the outermost lengths of his fur before pressing deep enough that Caduceus could actually feel the comb.
He was surprised to find that this felt best out of all of it so far. Got him making that low, happy humming noise again, which made Caleb breathe a quiet laugh. Maybe he could purr.
“You like this one?” Caleb asked.
“Dunno why,” Caduceus said, “but yes.”
Caleb took another pass, pressing the comb in harder than he needed to. It felt very nice. “There are a lot of nerves that run through here,” he said, trailing his fingers up the underside of Caduceus’ arm to demonstrate. “It is why people are often ticklish there, but I don’t think you are.”
“Not really,” Caduceus said. “It’s the backs of my knees that get me. All my siblings exploited that one to no end.”
“The back of the knee is another,” Caleb said, moving to his other side, lifting Caduceus’ hand to comb out his underarm fluff before his forearm, like he wanted to stick with what was making Caduceus happy. “And the join of the hip and thigh.”
Caduceus could have let his left arm down now that Caleb was done combing that side, but he was comfortable with the stretch, so he just let both arms hang behind Caleb’s head. He stretched out all the way in Caleb’s hold, flexing his back and his hips into an arch and extending his toes before settling back heavier against him.
Caleb chuckled again, one arm coming up and around Caudceus’ ribs to lay flat on his solar plexus. “Comfortable?”
“Extremely,” Caduceus said.
“I am glad. Arms down, if you will?”
Caduceus folded his arms loosely over Caleb’s hand on his chest, his right hand on top, so Caleb could take care of the fur on his forearm. He felt gooey, like honey being poured out of its comb.
Caleb took an extra long time just stroking his arms afterward, running his hands along the short, almost imperceptible fur at his upper arms, massaging a little even though Caduceus’ muscles were already lax.
“May I still comb the fur on your stomach?” he asked, like he was the one getting special treatment. Caduceus hummed an affirmative and shifted up a little further so Caleb didn’t have as far to reach.
Caleb rested his head on Caduceus’ shoulder and Caduceus automatically reached up to brush his hair out of the way.
Caleb brushed out the thick fur that started in a thin line above Caduceus’ navel and grew into a patch of fluff almost as big as the one on his chest when it reached his pelvis. He shifted Caduceus’ pajama pants low on his hips to reach the bulk of it, one of his hands resting under the loose fabric on Caduceus’ hip.
He liked that Caleb was comfortable enough to touch all of him without worrying whether it was okay. He liked the careless touches, the way Caleb’s fingertips moved in little whorls over his fur, petting him like his favored familiar.
“All done with that part?” Caleb asked, still passing the comb through like he wasn’t quite ready to be finished.
“Mm. Oil, now?”
“As you wish.” Caleb found the little jar and screwed the lid off. “How is it normally applied?”
“I just get some on my fingers and run it through. Mostly on my chest and my forearms, the rest doesn’t get exposed to the elements,” Caduceus said, before amending, “usually,” because they did go swimming mostly (or completely) naked.
Caleb did as instructed, his quick, deft fingers working the conditioner in with the same efficiency he used in mixing spell components together. He applied it well, probably used to conditioning his own hair, working mostly at the outer edges because he knew the bit close to the root would be plenty hydrated by the oils from Caduceus’ skin.
There was still a little oil left on his fingertips at the end, which he rubbed into Caduceus’ beard. That would probably keep it nice. Caduceus ought to try that more often. He wasn’t as fastidious about his facial hair as the rest of it all.
“Feeling good?” Caleb asked, beginning to massage the hinge of his jaw.
“Oh, yeah.” Caduceus turned his head to nose at Caleb’s cheek. “This is wonderful. Thank you.”
“I feel I should be thanking you,” Caleb replied. “It sets my mind at ease to have a task such as this.”
“You’re welcome to me anytime,” Caduceus offered, breathing deep, filling his lungs with Caleb’s smell. “Anything you’d like in return?”
Caleb’s hands stroked down Caduceus’ cheeks, one of his thumbs on either side. “A kiss?” he suggested.
It wouldn’t be the first one he’d given. Not the first one he’d given Caleb, even, although he didn’t do so every day or anything. Their lives were often too wild and overstimulating to allow Caduceus the space and the attention to something that intimate. It had to be intimate, for him. Caleb had tried kissing him briefly in passing, but it wasn’t enough for Caduceus.
In this gooey, melted, warm state, it felt like exactly the thing to do. “That sounds pretty wonderful, too. Do I have to move?”
“Nein, stay here.” Caleb turned Caduceus’ face with a gentle hand, and as Caduceus lifted his head, his nose bumped against Caleb’s mouth.
Oops. Well, that kind of a kiss was nice too, and it made Caleb laugh. Caduceus tilted his chin up, and oh, there, that angle worked.
There was something very pleasing about sharing this much closeness with someone, trading your breath, your taste. Caduceus didn’t think he could do it with just anybody, and knew he couldn’t do it with Caleb anytime, but it was especially good in the here and now.
It lasted longer than usual, maybe the longest they’d gone on, opening into something warm, like a flower bursting into bloom, wet as morning dew but hot as summer air. Caleb made him understand why people liked this. He must have been good at it. Caduceus must have been pretty good at it, himself, because Caleb made happy little noises and touched him gently and pushed his jaw against Caduceus’ in a half a dozen more eager, messy kisses.
“You are so soft,” Caleb told him as they parted, his thumb passing over Caduceus’ mouth. “Your mouth, your nose, even.”
“Hmm. You’re softer than usual.” He kissed Caleb on the chin, right on the dimple in the middle.
“Because I shaved?”
“Yes, because you shaved.”
“Do you like it?” Caleb asked.
“Sure? Why wouldn’t I?”
He felt Caleb shrug. “Some people don’t like when somebody they are close to makes a big change to their appearance like that.”
“It’s not bad or good,” Caduceus said, “it just is. It’s just your hair.” He thought for a moment, running his fingertips over Caleb’s jaw. He’d been thinking about trimming his own down, actually. “But, if you grew it back out again, I could give you pets there.”
“I will take this under consideration,” Caleb said. He gave Caduceus one more peck on the mouth. “We ought to venture downstairs, though, before the others start trying to make breakfast without you.”
“They can fend for themselves, if you wanna have a lie-in,” Caduceus said. “I’m feeling a lie-in, personally.”
“We have quite a bit to do today,” Caleb said.
“And we can do it all later.” Caduceus turned in his arms, draping himself over Caleb, trying to weigh him to the bed. “Rest, now. It’s good for you. You should try it.”
“It does not always work out that way for me, dear.” Caleb’s arms still settled around Caduceus’ shoulders, his head tilting so Caduceus’ face could fit back under his jaw to keep breathing him in and giving him gentle taps with his nose.
Caduceus could sleep a full night like this, but he knew sleep was a little more finicky for Caleb. “Would anything help?”
“Hm. The, ah. Pressure, is good, actually. I would appreciate if you—could you rest more fully on top of me?”
Oh, that was easy. Caleb made it sound like an odd request, but that was simple, and Caduceus understood it; he had felt similarly before. “You just have to let me know if I’m squishing you too much—I’m skinny, but I’m not exactly light.” He shuffled up onto his knees to rearrange himself between Caleb’s legs, settling back down slowly as Caleb sank further down into the pillows instead of sitting up against the curving roots of the tree that flowed down around Caduceus’ bed.
Caleb’s arms folded back around him and his legs squeezed a little around Caduceus’ waist before falling still, his feet flat on the mattress. Caduceus reached blindly, found one of Caleb’s thighs and pushed, guiding him to lower his legs down more comfortably. Caleb followed, letting Caduceus shift around to find a good spot to lay with his head on Caleb’s chest.
He felt Caleb’s chest move under him in a big inhale, the breath coming out of him shaky.
“Okay?” Caduceus asked, his hands petting gently down Caleb’s sides. “Your heartbeat is very fast.”
“It has been a long time since I’ve had this,” Caleb said, his voice watery, catching in his throat, making him swallow and then restart. “A very long time.”
“Is it too much?”
“Nein,” Caleb said, his voice fierce. There was no confusion with the numeral here.
“Okay,” Caduceus said, more sure of himself this time, settling down heavily on top of Caleb, letting him time their breaths to match. “That’s good,” he added, once they did. “Take it easy.”
“I hope you know,” said Caleb, “how very dear you are to me.”
“Aww.” Caduceus looped his hands under Caleb’s shoulders to hold onto him. “I love you, too.”
“Sometimes I cannot believe I deserve that,” Caleb confessed, his hands beginning to comb through Caduceus’ hair again, soothing himself once more. “I know what you will say, it’s not about that, but I…”
“You can’t help where your mind goes,” said Caduceus, who had his own doubts about his place in the world plenty of the time. “Can you at least trust me when I say there’s nowhere I’d rather be right now than right here with you, holding onto each other?”
“Ja, I can,” Caleb said.
“Then, that’s good enough to start with,” Caduceus decided, giving in to the lassitude that came from being groomed so carefully and the warm body beneath his.
He drifted, for a while. He didn’t know if Caleb did too. When Caduceus lifted his head, Caleb was looking at him, his eyes soft. There was a warm, purring weight on Caduceus’ lower back, so it seemed Frumpkin must have decided to join them.
“Good morning,” Caduceus said, the fact that he’d gotten to say it twice in one day making him very warm.
“Guten morgen,” Caleb answered, the corners of his eyes creasing in a smile.
Yeah. Very good morning, indeed.