Chapter Text
Captain James POV written by my friend ‘Umbra.’
Havers POV (in italics) written by imashoutyghost
COMING HOME
The train was rather stuffy, the open windows did nothing to cool the train down in the summer heat. It was far too hot. Havers had removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, his mind kept drifting to thoughts of a particular Captain he hoped to see.
When they arrived at the station he was one of the last to get off, the gentleman he was always allowing others to go first.
He stepped off the train onto a now nearly empty platform, jacket over one arm as he began to walk towards the exit. He hummed a tune as he went, happy to be back in the fresh air of the countryside; he may have to give up his tiny London flat for his heart now seemed to belong to Surrey.
It was a painstakingly long dreadful war. Every day since his departure the Captain missed his lieutenant’s soothing presence around Button House and in his life. Havers had been the keystone to their whole operation and upon his departure things became rather difficult to manage. He did his best to soldier on and hold his own as any good CO should but couldn’t help missing Havers’ infinite patience and help with the tasks.
He likes to think of himself as a strong man resolved to carry on for King and country carrying on his work with diligence an urgency but at night he couldn’t help turning on the old radio listening to the news hoping beyond all hope Havers would be safe. Even if it was a selfish thing to want, all he wished for is his safe return. The occasional secretive criptic letters they manage to send to one another helped soothe his anxieties assuring him his lieutenant is still alive but still with each passing week his nerves were on edge. Havers is a kind soul, the kind of man that was rare and to be treasured not wasted on war.
In a moment of weakness he tracked Havers down through his deployment records and the locations he sent his correspondences from to Button House and after careful deliberation had a proper guess as to which train station he might arrive back on. It was such a foolish action unbecoming of a man of his status but every day he would travel to the train station and sit idle on one of the benches waiting worth baited breath to catch a glimpse of Havers. There was so much he had left unsaid that had ate away at him for almost four long years. So much he couldn’t say, shouldn’t say that threatened to escape his lips every time he was in his presence but the desire to see him outweighed the risk. He had to know he was alright.
As the last train rolled onto the platform he navigated through a sea of people looking for any sign of Havers. Eventually he looked past the sea of face and his heart skipped a beat spotting a soldier who had removed his uniform jacket crossing a platform. It has to be him- it just has to be. He picked up his pace threading his way through the crowd of people with urgency.
“Havers? Havers!”
It would be impossible to hear him over all the voices and at such a distance, he would have to shout and that would draw in too much attention though his next plan of action was not much better. God he hopes he’s right otherwise he’s about to make an utter fool of himself. Quickening his pace as the crowd thins out he catches up with the tall figure reaching out to grab him by the upper arm almost out of breath from his rushing.
“Havers!”
Anthony hoped there would be somewhere to either purchase some water or refill his after having finished his on the train. The heat radiating off of the train as it sat idly at the station was overwhelming so he moved quickly to get off the platform. The steam rolling off of the tracks making it seem as though he were walking alongside lava, and the smell of coal ensnaring his senses.
He managed to make it near the stations exit when he felt a pressure on his arm, a pressure that came accompanied by a voice he had committed to memory. But it couldn’t possibly…
He turned to see who was gripping his arm, and instantly smiled when he came face to face with his Captain.
He was here, he was really here.
So many nights had passed since he has stared into those beauty blues. He had suffered through so much and had seen so many things he wished to never see, and yet the one thing that brought him through, was here in front of him.
“James.” He said, breaking rank without even thinking.
Simply happy to see him again, he reached out a hand to the Captain’s sleeve as though checking he were not a mere hallucination.
After the grenade that left him with the scar over his left eye the doctor had said he might experience seeing things that weren’t really there as well as many other symptoms. For a moment Havers wondered if the universe was playing tricks on him. It would be just his luck to hallucinate about the one person he really wanted to see, and yet… with his fingers feeling the woollen sleeve Havers heart lurched out to reach for the other: he was here.
“Captain” he corrected his former mistake, hoping the man wouldn’t dislike his use of his forename.
Then, all at once, Havers was overcome with emotion. He was here, he had survived, they both survived. James was safe. Havers moved forward, bringing his arms around the Captain into a hug, deliberately short as to not raise suspicion, but he would be damned if he didn’t at least hug the man he had missed most of all.
“It’s so good to see you,” he whispered before pulling away.
When he turns around to face him it’s almost too much to take. The suspense and the fear is suffocating and when he finally sees those familiar soft brown eyes he feels a wave of relief wash over him. His words get stuck in his throat, he couldn’t think of anything to say in this very moment frozen in place. It’s him he’s really here. Hearing his name roll off Havers’ tongue makes his heart race every time.
“You’re here… you’re back.”
He almost can’t believe his own words his mind struggling to catch up to the realization taking in the sight of the man he had not seen in so many long years. He’s still just as striking, everything about him is so perfect. That smile melts away his insecurities and the cold loneliness he had grown accustomed to over the years out of a sense of duty.
It takes him a few moments to acknowledge the large scarring that stretched across the left side of his face near his eye it made him no less handsome though he can’t help feeling a sharp pain in his chest knowing whatever it was Anthony had endured had been quite unpleasant. However here he is, standing before him safe and alive. His wish had been granted, Havers is alive and here they are, it’s enough to almost bring him to tears.
Feeling Havers’ arms around him even if for a brief moment is grounding, the war in Europe is over he’s back, he’s truly back. He wishes rather selfishly they could stay like this forever wanting nothing more than to stay locked in his embrace to feed into those hidden desires he keeps locked inside his mind but it’s too dangerous. They could draw attention, in such a busy place as a train station. He’s been staring for too long and stumbles over his words struggling to remember even the basics of the English language.
“I-it’s a relief to see you again Havers- I-it’s been a very long past few years without you. I-I mean at the House- the war- i-it’s all been so much.”
He’s stumbling his way into the same old trap unable to speak the words he really wants to say. No, he would ruin it, ruin it all and shatter the blissful fantasy’s he could indulge in, in the safety of his mind. The words claw at the back of his throat and he fights not to say something damning the last thing he would want is to drive Havers away after he’s just found his way back to him.
Havers takes in the man’s fumbled words, so used to the way his Captain seemed to voice his thought process. He had missed his voice, it was so much better than he remembered it. James simply speaking made him feel more at home than arriving in his tiny flat three days ago did. It was a strange concept to miss one’s voice, and yet the relief upon seeing his Captain and hearing him speak was too much to bare.
Havers nodded at the man’s words. The Captain was right, it had been a lot. So much had happened since he had last seen him. There has been so many times he thought he would never make it home, never make it back, never make it back to him. The horrible thought alone had been enough to fuel him through, but in truth he was just one of the lucky ones. But now- now he was stood here and he wasn’t just one of the lucky ones, but the luckiest of all.
“Yes… I,” Havers blinked and shook his head as thought rather solemnly of the front, “‘so much’ is probably the only way to describe such atrocities… I.. sir.”
He felt his hand reaching out for the sleeve again, his finger brushing against the other man’s hand before coming to his senses and pulling back again.
“But we pulled through ol’ chap,” Havers says, trying to focus on their victory.
“And as promised,” he says lulling his head to the side with a smile, “I gave them more than a bloody nose sir.” He said, referencing one of their last conversations.
Would the Captain even remember? Surely not, though it appeared the Captain missed him too, if his stammering words were anything to go by. Havers had committed the conversation to memory, had dreamed of the Captain telling him not to go. Though still while he couldn’t have that, he would ensure he at least had the next best thing, for as much was his attraction he had also missed his friendship with the man.
After stumbling over his words trying to find a line between the friendship that had formed between them and all the other overwhelming emotions that have been swimming through his mind he goes quiet deciding just to shut it and let Havers speak before he said something stupid himself.
He kept noticing the look in his eyes almost like there is an occasional struggle to even focus on the present unable to stay grounded in reality and he wonders just how bad it truly is and how much Havers is not letting on. He wanted to grab his hand and and reassure him this is real, to reassure himself this is real but it would be too far. He wouldn’t have a good excuse for it and did not want to risk the backlash.
There’s something so endearing about how Havers’ uses the words ol’ chap that it makes his face burn could easily be explained away by the heat. With Havers it’s always endearment and not a form of backhanded insult.
An once again his words catch him off guard drawing a laugh from him in reply, “you still remember that old comment? It was years ago.”
He’s all too amused and delighted Havers remembers it too. That day haunted him every day and night for the duration of the war. Oh how he had wanted to stop Havers, to do something to get him to stay but it would have been selfish, everyone needed to do their part in some way, and service was desperately needed at the front. It would have been almost bruising on traitorous to prevent Havers from going, no matter how much he… very much so cared for him.
A thought struck him rather suddenly and he hoped he was not keeping Havers from wherever he might be off to.
“Oh- um are you off to that event for decorated officers? The one being hosted at our old command at Button House? I had intended to-“ is he really about to admit this? It would be tantamount to insinuating a crime. “I had intended to- well, stop by and search for you.” Though I doubt the would let me past the gates. I just- I just had to know you were alright.” Even saying this much felt so dangerous and he can’t help the uneasy glances around hoping they are not being intensely scrutinized.
Havers had been intending to go to Button House too, had hoped that perhaps he would bump into the Captain. He had already been to parties in London, his favourite so far being the street party hosted by the family of someone he had served with. Now however, the inclination of heading to Button House didn’t seem a priority, especially if James couldn’t follow him there.
As James says had wanted to make sure he was alright he finds his cheeks suddenly crimson.
“Yes sir,” he says, his breath slightly raspy before he clears his throat. “I had also hoped to bump into you.. I’m glad you’re okay..sir.”
He ducks his head, looking at his shoes to try and hide his own emotion. His heart beating erratically at the thought of the Captain having only come to Button House for a chance of seeing him.
The fact Havers seemed to have the same idea makes his heart pick up pace. He could swear he saw a tinge of red cover Anthony’s cheeks but he must be seeing things. He couldn’t possibly feel the same emotions he does every time he hears him say his name or sees that endearing smile. It’s just a traitorous little sliver of hope he shouldn’t entertain, no Havers couldn’t be like him. It’s just a hot day and all of the little tells are just small harmless gestures he’s read too far into. Of course he would be happy he is alright, they had served together it’s only natural, only normal.
“Thank you Havers, I should let you get going then. I would hate to hold you up and cause you to be late to the festivities on my account.”
He laughs nervously rocking back and forth from heel to toe as he sometimes is prone to do. Surely the event would be much more exciting to attend to catching up with old comrades over drinks, he can almost picture it in his mind. It’s a shame they don’t have said events for the other ranks but it is to be expected. Such gallantry should be honored in a class all its own, they are soldiers who served honorably in the face of danger they deserve as much.
Havers doesn't want to depart from him. To walk away from this train station and attend a party when he could be speaking to the Captain seemed like a crime in itself. No, it had been years since he had seen this man and he wasn't going to have his last memory of him be passing him by at a train station and then leaving him to visit the location in fell in l-... to visit the location they had served together without him. It seemed cruel.
Especially when it seemed the Captain had travelled here for a party he wasn't even allowed into. Curel indeed.
"Well sir to be frank, I don't think the party would be much fun without you," he says boldly, perhaps too boldly he thought. "And there are always other parties, but there's not another you."
He has a grin on his face and he lets out a soft laugh, "I'm sorry that was a rather odd thing to say." He scratches the back of his head, "perhaps we could find another way to spend the afternoon? If you would like to?"
“You’re too kind Havers, I’m afraid I’m really not that exciting at parties. Really I-i-uhm..” he trails off starting to ramble despite his best efforts not to. He always tended to fall back into the old habit and Havers remark doesn’t help turning him into a stammering mess.
Does this man even realize how suave he is?? Good lord he is able to reduce him to a blushing stammering wreck of a man without even trying. He should be ashamed of himself these sort of juvenile infatuations are unbecoming of an officer, but he can’t help it selfishly enjoying the praise Havers gives so freely.
“N-no! It’s quite alright! Really!” He remarks rather abruptly clearing his throat to try and cover for his error. He’s stunned that Havers would like to spend the afternoon together it’s more than he could have ever dreamed of. There are so many things they could do together now not under the imminent threat of war.
Havers almost frowns at that, his eyebrows raising in amusement. He found the Captain so endearing, such a polite man. His ex CO was becoming rather flustered and Havers somewhat liked that his words had that effect on him. Though it was more out of shock of Havers not wanting to go to a party rather than anything else, Anthony was certain of it.
Anthony simply shook his head, his next sentence treading on a thin line. "Come now James, I've rather missed you. I want to hear about how badly the Button XI did without me."
He smirks. He hoped he wasn't too obvious, he was definitely being more open than he would usually. But the war was over, and now was a time of peace. Maybe that was all going to his head a bit, for the world was not going to be perfect, but right now with a victory under his belt Havers felt somewhat unstoppable. Braver.
Good lord the heat is absolutely stifling outside. He puts up quite a fight trying to keep himself together and not allow his emotions to run away with him but despite the valiant effort it crumbles to bits at Havers’ smirk. It could melt iron, this man is going to utterly ruin him and he couldn’t hope to stop it. For years he has repressed these emotions and attractions now all at once they threaten to all spill out.
He manages a short laugh peering back at Havers, “we jest yet there is more truth to that then you might think. If you are serious about wanting to- well spend the afternoon together my schedule is free, I would be happy to be in your company. Might I suggest grabbing a pint, the heat today is rather stifling.”
The laugh that escapes the Captain's lip causes a warm soothing feeling to lay over Anthony's chest. To Havers, it were the most beautiful sound in the world. One he had missed so deeply. Havers chuckles, he remembers very well how the Button XI used to play, and even Havers had to admit the Captain was somewhat biased when it came to how good his cricketing skills were; though Anthony took the praise nonetheless.
The former Lieutenant offers the other man a grin, nodding yet again, "Oh a pint sounds wonderful!" He says, "come on let's cut through the lane."
Then he's turning, gesturing for the Captain to follow. As they make their way off the train platform Havers keeps looking back to make sure James was still there, almost as if checking he were not dreaming. Perhaps some part of him still couldn't quite believe it.
“Right! I will let you lead the way then Havers.” He remarks as he seems to know the short cuts better than he himself does.