Chapter Text
Kacchan slow down!!” Izuku yelled after him, having tripped on what Katsuki said was ‘only a twig’ and scraped his knee. It was bleeding a bit, and of course it stung, but Katsuki told him he was fine and a crybaby, so he tried to keep walking with him anyway.
Izuku always looked up to him, so confident, it was hard to imagine he felt anything but confidence and sometimes anger. Of course he knew he felt more, it was visible in the little moments they had together. When Katsuki had managed to lead him to a little stream, he had actually pulled out a small first-aid kit from his backpack and taken special care to bandage the scrape, jabbing a tissue in his face to wipe the tears. As aggressive as his actions seemed, it was the nicest Kacchan could be.
Izuku knew that day was when he fell in love with Katsuki. He may have been rough, pushed him past his limits, he made Izuku walk with him for another two hours on an adventure through the woods after caring for his knee, and scolded Izuku when he managed to trip again. Once again, Katsuki took him to clean and bandage him, and finally led him home.
They were only five then, of course Izuku didn’t know what love really was at that age, but he knows now that that was when it started. That’s where the feelings had sprouted.
It was eighth grade when he finally realized the way he felt. Katsuki had stopped being such a kind friend to him since then, but his love for him hadn’t changed. Izuku had been attacked by a villain, one known only as the sludge villain, before a hero could come to save him. Simply abducted right off the streets on his way home, Izuku wasn’t anywhere near someone to hear him scream other than Katsuki, who lived in the same neighborhood. He’d been able to see for only a moment as he saw Katsuki trying to run after, distress on his face as he tried to use his quirk to attack. Katsuki, the boy who had begun to call him useless since 6th grade, was trying to save him. It relit a spark that had almost died.
It didn’t work. Izuku was taken, gone. Even 10 years later no one would know what had happened once the sludge villain took him.
Katsuki had seen it. Seen the look in Izukus eyes as he'd reached for him. Izuku had watched him fight, watched the look on his face while he couldn't fight back.
Katsuki went to therapy after that. It took 3 years to get used to the nightmares, one of the few things therapy couldn't help. Therapy continued, every time Katsuki tried to ignore his mother and avoid going his nightmares got worse. Even now, at seventeen, he still went. He never told anyone, only his parents and auntie Inko knew. Inko had moved in with them after Izukus disappearance, especially when the police had proclaimed him as dead, she needed the constant company and help.
Katsuki hated it. The jealous part of him couldn't help but think that he should be the one allowed to cry. He never knew why he felt that way, not until 16 when he realized just what it was he felt for Izuku. It only fueled those jealous thoughts, ones he never brought up to his therapist. Being in love with Izuku didnt mean anything compared to what his mother must have felt.
Katsuki did cry. He'd wake up from his nightmares, sobbing, the only image left when he closed his eyes being a dead Izuku on the sidewalk on their way from home, sludge oozing slowly from his mouth. It was awful, and it was recurring. For four goddamn years, he's been seeing him nightly.
He's twenty when the nightmares change. They go from a dead Izuku to one that hates him. The Izuku that he'd expect if he ever saw him again. The Izuku with a face full of hatred when he looks at him, a knife in hand as he stares at Katsuki. It feels real, the way Izuku looks at him that way, the dream always ends when Izuku throws the knife, right to his face. It's an inch under his skin when he wakes up, the pain feeling real even after the dream is over.
When he sees him, its like he's seeing someone else, not Izuku anymore.