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There is a commotion at the entrance of the pool.
Win frowns as crowds of people block his way.
The edges of his vision are hazy, and Win doesn’t really know why it’s so important, but he needs to know what is going on.
He pushes his way to the front person by person and stills at what he finds at the very center of the crowd.
Win blinks once.
There is a wide circle of space where the crowd doesn’t gather.
Another blink.
There is someone laying down on the concrete in the center of the empty space.
A third blink.
Win recognizes the full cheeks and soaked brown hair of the boy laying deathly still before him.
The boy’s chest is still. His face devoid of color.
This person isn’t breathing.
This person isn’t even alive .
Every atom in Win’s body goes stone cold.
He’s numb. He can’t feel a thing, not even his bare feet against the harsh floor.
Sound cuts out and Win is alone inside his mind as the gates of numbness give way to a wave of pure anguish that sends him tumbling to his knees.
Team.
The pain is so sudden it’s almost bewildering.
It fills his lungs and mouth like water, leaving Win gasping for air. Gasping for relief from the agony.
No, no not Team. Not his Team. Someone else, anyone else just not his baby.
Win feels his throat close around a desperate inhale and it stays trapped inside him like a scream desperate to be let out.
Win has experienced grief before, but never like this. This grief is falling from a tall bridge into a sea of agony. Every bone in his body broken beyond repair and his mind shredded to pieces as reality hits him.
Team is dead.
Team is gone.
The only person Win has ever loved so deeply is gone and it’s all his fault.
He doesn’t know how he knows this, but he does. Win knows he wasn’t there to save Team from dying. He wasn’t enough. Will never be enough.
The air in his throat is pushed out of his mouth and it comes out as a scream.
It's a hair-raising, gut-wrenching sound that hurts his ears and goes on for what feels like forever.
Suddenly the space between them is too much to bear, and Win scrambled forward, grasping desperately at Team’s face and body, trying with all he has to draw some sort of reaction from the boy he loves.
Loved.
Loved because now that love doesn’t have a place to go, and Win is wailing over Team’s dead body, gasping through chest heaving sobs that make him sick to his stomach.
There are arms around him trying to drag him away and Win fights with all the strength still left in his body, because no one was going to take Team away from him.
Not that it matters anymore, A sick voice in the back of his head taunts and Win feels the last threads of his sanity begin to fray at their edges.
“Win!” A low voice is shouting in Win’s ears and it’s deafening.
Win feels himself freeze as he’s pulled from the image before him into somewhere new.
It’s dark, is the first thing Win realizes.
Why is it dark?
“Fuck, Win are you awake now?” Someone hisses and Win turns his head slowly to his left where a familiar form is kneeled beside him on the bed.
The grief still has its hooks in Win too deep to even think of speaking.
When did Win get into bed?
Where is he?
Confusion distracts him momentarily from the deep threaded feeling of loss being sewn into his very being with every passing second.
“Win, look at me,” The man, Dean, says harshly, gripping Win’s chin and forcing him to turn his head. Dean’s dark wide eyes stare deep into his and there is something calming about those familiar eyes. Win feels himself relaxing instinctively.
“Dean?” Win rasps out, and Dean makes a low, relieved sound.
“It was just a dream. You were dreaming.” Dean repeats.
A dream?
It hits Win so suddenly it feels like a punch to the gut.
A dream.
Win had been dreaming.
Team was alive .
A low wounded cry of Team’s name escapes Win as he scrambles to his feet, desperate to get to his boy. There was no way Win could stand to be separated from him right now.
Not after that. Not when images of Team’s still stone-cold body still flash across his mind in the worst form of a slideshow.
But he stumbles when he no longer has the bed to carry his weight, and he would have fallen flat on his face if Dean didn’t grab him and pull him back to the bed at the last second.
“Stay here, I’ll grab him.” Dean promises, and Win holds onto that fragile promise with both hands.
He has to trust Dean to bring Team to him.
The next few minutes are spent slowly coming back to himself, shaking away the worst of the sleep still shadowed around his every thought.
His throat hurts, like he has been screaming. Maybe he had been.
The worst of the soul gripping grief is fading with every passing second, leaving him feeling bruised and empty in its wake.
He needs Team.
That's the only thought that passes through his mind.
Team. Team. Team.
Team.
Thankfully Dean returns fairly quickly, and after him is the most beautiful sight Win thinks he has ever seen.
Team, whose concerned eyes are on him immediately.
Win is frozen in place, trapped by how safe those eyes make him feel.
Team crosses the room in three quick strides, and Win is reaching for him before his boy can even make himself comfortable on the bed.
Win wraps himself around Team like a life jacket, one arm tight around his waist and the other around Team’s neck gripping the bottom strands of the swimmer's hair in a way that must hurt but his boy doesn’t complain.
“Hia?” Team asks, melting into the embrace like he always does, and Win chokes out a wet sound when Team’s cold nose buries itself into his neck.
“Team,” Win breathes his name like a prayer into the side of Team’s head, burying his nose into the sweat damp strands of his hair. “Baby,”
“Hia are you okay? P’Dean said you had a nightmare,” Team mumbles into Win’s shoulder.
A flash of Team’s still body crosses Win’s mind, and he winces at the reminder.
“I’m okay,” Win says, even though he knows he’s still shaking. “As long as you're here I'm okay.”
The irony of those words is not lost on him.
Usually it’s Team saying it, after a nightmare of his own and Win secretly loves it. He loves that his presence is like a soothing balm over his boyfriends scarred and hurting heart.
He hates the nightmares Team experiences, but knows they aren’t going away anytime soon so he takes what good he can get from an unfixable situation.
Team needs to be held after a nightmare, needs Win to remind him of where he is and that he isn’t alone.
Win doesn’t mind doing so, loves being a safe space for the boy he loves.
Win has never had a nightmare like this before.
One that leaves him trembling and shaking like a child during a thunderstorm.
It’s like taking a look into the hell his boyfriend experiences whenever he sleeps, and it just confirms everything Win already knew about Team.
That Team is the strongest fucking person Win has ever met.
Because if Win experienced this every time he went to sleep, Win doesn’t think he would have made it as far as Team has.
Hell, once was enough to drive him up the wall with the desperate need to shield Team from the rest of the world.
To wrap Team into the safety of his embrace and never let him go again if it meant Win could keep him safe.
“I’m here Hia,” Team murmurs, and Win takes a deep shaky breath. “I’m not going anywhere. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real.”
These too are familiar words, again usually ones that Win says, but this time Win grasps them tightly. Repeating them inside his mind until the grief is nothing but a distant memory.
“Love you,” Win breathes. He can’t hold them inside him any longer. “Love you so much baby.”
“I love you too Hia,” Team sighs, humming a soft tune that Win recognizes distantly.
That’s cheating , a part of him thinks because nothing makes Win sleepier than when Team hums in that soothing quiet way and something tells Win that Team is doing that on purpose.
Likely trying to draw Win back into sleep, as Win always does for Team.
Win remembers now where they are.
The four of them, Team, Pharm, Dean, and him, had decided to go on a small vacation to one of Win’s family resorts for summer vacation.
But the resort had messed up their reservation and Win and Team’s room wouldn’t be ready till later on that evening.
Win had wanted to nap, tired from a long day of driving and Dean had let him sleep in his and Pharm’s room.
Win hadn’t intended on sleeping so long, he wonders distantly what time it is now. The curtains over the windows are closed, hiding any hint of sunlight from his view.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Team whispers, “P’Dean said we could sleep here tonight, and they would take our room.”
Win is still tired, but the thought of sleeping leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
“No, I think I'm done sleeping for today. What time is it anyway?” Win asks.
“Almost eight. I was gonna wake you up for dinner but P’Dean said not to.” Team pulls away and Win lets him, wanting to look his boyfriend in the eyes anyway. “Are you hungry? I saved you some of what we grilled in case you were.”
“Thank you, baby,” Win smiled weakly, tucking a strand of hair behind Team’s ear. “But I'm not hungry right now. I think I just want a shower.”
He feels sticky, sweat drying uncomfortably on his skin.
“Want me to join you?” Team asks and Win hums in agreement; he doesn’t think he can stomach the idea of Team being out of his sight right now.
They shower mostly in silence, and unlike most of the times they shower together no one starts anything heavy. It’s mainly just Win taking his time washing Team, pressing soft sweet kisses wherever he can reach. Team returns the favor and Win notices he’s a lot gentler. Not that Team is rough usually, it’s just a notable difference.
Team washes his hair and Win leans into his boyfriend's strong secure hands and feels the last of the aftereffects from his nightmare fade away.
By the time they are dressed and cuddled close on the bed, Win feels pretty much back to normal. He doesn’t feel like he is going to fall apart if Team leaves his sight for more than a few seconds.
He’s relieved. He doesn’t like feeling so on edge.
In the end Win is laying on his back, with his arms wrapped securely around Team who has his head resting in Win’s chest.
Team had offered to do the holding tonight, but Win had refused.
He likes the way Team melts into his body, relaxing fully and laying his full weight on Win.
It's reassuring.
Like a constant reminder that Team has chosen him over anyone else. That Team trusts him so fully and without thought.
Even though he had vetoed sleeping before, he finds himself becoming sleepier the longer they lay there in silence.
“Goodnight Team,” Win whispers, pressing his lips to the top of Team’s head in a gentle kiss.
“Goodnight Hia,” Team responds through a yawn.
When Win falls asleep this time his dreams are filled with the sound of Team’s laughter and soft voice.