Chapter Text
Despite having meditated before the start of shift, Spock had felt mentally out of balance all morning. In fact, a meditative state had not come easily to him. He found himself distracted and fidgety, though he eventually succeeded in settling his mind, or so he thought. His attempts at studying data were constantly being interrupted as his attention continued to wander – easily grabbed and pulled off course by the activity on the bridge, Jim in particular.
He knew humans had days like this, but as a half Vulcan who had undergone extensive mind training like the rest of his species, he had greater immunity to wandering thoughts and sudden bursts of emotion. When a female yeoman brought a message to Jim, Spock felt jealousy flare at her close proximity to his mate. He quickly clamped down on the unwelcome emotion, smoothing his expression and consciously relaxing the tense muscles in his shoulders and back. This was not normal. Knowing that he had his mate's full commitment, there was no need to experience jealousy. He thought back to the morning when he had woken after a fitful night's sleep and began to tally up all the symptoms he had experienced. The result made his stomach clench.
He ate lunch in his quarters, or tried to eat. He found his appetite somewhat diminished. He spent most of his attention on his personal computer double checking some calculations. Being half human, Spock had never been fully certain what set of biological drives he might inherit. However, he believed in planning for likely circumstances even if they were less than pleasant to consider. Spock sat back from the computer and closed his eyes. He had been correct not to ignore the possible effects of his Vulcan heritage.
Jim of course knew what pon farr was technically, but Spock was unsure that he truly understood the ins and outs of the Vulcan mating cycle. To the human the loss of logic and control didn't seem alarming. To Spock, it was the stripping away of all that Vulcans held dear. He also had more personal concerns – Vulcans were considerably stronger than humans. What if he accidentally hurt Jim? He did not wish to share his condition with the rest of the bridge crew, but could he keep it a secret when his drive to mate also affected the ship's captain?
As he made his way back towards the bridge he found himself pausing outside of the med bay. He was not surprised that his feet had brought him here, though he hadn't been paying much attention to his surroundings. The thought of telling any of the other crew about his problem was appalling, but if someone must know... he shook his head and made to move on. Undoing a lifetime of Vulcan conditioning that stated one did not discuss this aspect of biology felt like a task beyond what Spock could handle at the best of times.
“What can I do for you, Spock?” McCoy's voice broke through his scattered thoughts.
“Oh, I... was merely returning to the bridge.” he replied.
McCoy stepped closer and studied his face for a moment, recognizing that Spock did not sound quite like himself. “Is something bothering you? You've been hesitating in the doorway long enough to make it clear you aren't just heading to the bridge. What's going on in that pointy eared head of yours?”
“I...” he trailed off, uncertain how to precede.
McCoy must have seen something in Spock's face that concerned him, because his own expression grew sterner. “Ok, that's it. Come on. You are clearly not yourself today. Something's wrong.”
Spock, with a resigned sigh, followed Bones inside. “Who else would I be?” he said in response to the doctor's statement despite knowing exactly what McCoy meant.
Bones gave him an exasperated look. “Never mind that. What's wrong?” He picked up a tricorder and began scanning the Vulcan. “Huh, these metabolic readings are definitely not normal. How are you feeling?” He peered into Spock's impassive face, lacking Jim's ability to read Spock's minute changes in expression.
Spock hesitated only for a moment this time. “Could I speak to you privately? This is a very personal matter.”
“Of course, Spock.” He gestured for the Vulcan to follow him to his office where he promptly shut the door. “It's usually your boyfriend ending up in here. I suppose this makes a change at least.”
“I find the term boyfriend odd. Jim is an adult, not a boy.”
Bones glowered at him. “Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by half grown children. So what's bothering you?”
“It is a matter that is not shared with nonVulcans. Jim, as my mate, knows of course, but no one else. On Vulcan it is considered very private.” He paused long enough for McCoy to make a 'get on with it gesture.'
“You should know by now that what you tell me is completely confidential.”
Spock nodded. “Yes, I am aware. Knowing that does not make it easier to discuss, however. It is a matter of Vulcan biology.”
“I'm all ears.” Bones said when Spock ground to a stop again. He then thought the better of his statement. “Don't even--” he wagged a finger at the man across from him who had already lifted one eyebrow. “It's just a figure of speech. Now, as a medical professional I have seen and heard many many things. I promise you, whatever you tell me isn't going to be all that shocking.”
“One of the ways we differ from humans is that we experience a mating cycle upon reaching adulthood. Every seven years we must endure it's indignities.”
“Seven years?” Despite his earlier words, the doctor did seem surprised.
Spock nodded. “Yes. Like humans, we can indulge in sexual intercourse at anytime, but during pon farr, the mating drive becomes all consuming. There is no choice. There are metabolic changes and complete loss of emotional control. If the Vulcan male does not mate, the symptoms worsen and lead to violent behavior and eventually death.”
“Death?”
“Yes, Doctor. It is why our mates are chosen for us in childhood and a preliminary bond created so that when the time comes we are drawn back to our mates and the worst outcomes are avoided. I, of course, have a mate here. However, I fear that I may inadvertently interfere with his duties until this passes.” Spock shifted uncomfortably, a small movement that would have meant little in a human – they seemed to be in perpetual motion, but in Spock practically screamed discomfort.
“Well, I'm not the captain of this ship, but as far as I know, we're just in transit right now, anyway. And besides,” he gave Spock a stern look. “Possible death of a crew member takes priority. I have the power to grant medical leave, you know. I can have you both confined to quarters. As your doctor, if something could actually kill you, you should tell me. I'm not just here for my looks and stunning personality, damn it.”
“I did just tell you.” Spock pointed out. “And death is a highly unlikely outcome in this scenario.”
“You just need alone time with Jim.” McCoy heaved a sigh. “Ok, you work this out with your boyfriend, and I'll come up with some excuse to keep the pair of you out of work for a couple of days. See this wasn't so hard, was it?”
Spock's eyebrow shot up, and McCoy waved his hands to cut off anything the Vulcan might reply with. Spock rose. “I must return to my duties now. Thank you for your discretion.”
“Anytime, Spock.”
* * *
He could feel Jim's back pressed against his own and the soft warmth of his buttocks. Spock's groin tightened at the thought of the smooth tantalizing flesh waiting to be squeezed and parted. His mate lay close beside him, it would be the work of a moment to turn over and tug down Jim's pajama bottoms... His stiffening penis twitched at the thought, at war with Spock's logical mind that wanted to exert some control and at least put off the inevitable.
Jim shifted beside him and rolled over, pushing himself up with one arm and looking down at Spock. “You ok, sweetie?” he yawned.
Spock felt a pang of guilt in waking him. Jim had undoubtedly felt his restlessness through their bond. “I am...adequate.” he replied after a moments pause.
“Really?” He could detect a hint of laughter in Jim's voice. Warm fingers gently stroked up and down his ribs and then caressed the exposed skin of his hip. At that moment, the gentle touch felt like the best thing possible. A moan escaped him as Jim's finger tips moved down to caress his belly up under his shirt, and then down just under the waist band of his pants.
“Why don't you roll over so I can do nice things to you?” Jim dropped down so that his mouth was close to Spock's ear. He lay his palm flat against Spock's lower belly and brushed his lips against the edge of the neatly pointed ear.
Spock sighed. “Because, I fear that this is the beginning.”
“Oh? That's a bit cryptic, baby.”
“Of my mating cycle.” Spock finally replied, feeling his cheeks flush. “I have been restless and unable to meditate since yesterday. I have little appetite and am consumed with thoughts of coupling with you.”
“Oh.” Jim said again, this time an expression of arousal rather than a question. His hand moved across Spock's belly, and he instinctively shifted into his lover's touch. “I'm right here and very willing.”
“You are probably affected through our bond.”
“That and I enjoy sex with you. Here, roll over and let me take care of you.” Jim coaxed.
“I do not want to make you uncomfortable with my demands for intercourse or to accidentally hurt you due to a loss of control.” He admitted, trying and failing to ignore Jim's insistent touches.
“Look at me, sweetheart.” Jim's voice warm and determined. Spock obeyed, twisting so that he could look up into his mate's face, now very close to his own. “You have my complete consent to fuck me silly over the next few days. He shushed Spock when he began to object. “We're talking about sex, not torture. Besides it's for your health.” His fingers crept up to Spock's left nipple while he spoke and began playing with the little nub. Spock exhaled in a long shaky breath, his body quivering. “There's no reason to be ashamed, just let your body do what it does naturally.” Spock eagerly parted his lips for Jim's tongue as the blond head man pressed his lips to Spock's. Spock moaned as Jim thrust his tongue deep into his mouth. He couldn't stop needy sounds from escaping, his hands sliding under the waistband of Jim's pajama pants to rub and squeeze the smooth cheeks he had been fantasizing about a few minutes before. His groin felt absolutely molten.
“I think I'd like to suck you off.” Jim's eyes sparkled with mischief.
“Oh yes! Please, Jim!” came the enthusiastic response. Jim looked at him with some surprise and then a grin. It wasn't that Spock didn't enthusiastically like blow jobs, but it was unlike the man to show it to that degree. The Vulcan looked somewhat abashed. Each little slip in his emotional control was another sign that the inevitable was fast approaching.
Jim sat up and pulled back the blankets. He bent to kiss his lover's erection through the fabric of his pajama pants. Spock propped himself up on his elbows in order to see what Jim was doing and gasped at the contact as Jim nuzzled against him, pleasure and contentment flowing through the bond. Jim undid the drawstring and slowly, teasingly pulled down the soft fabric to expose Spock's very aroused sex.
“Mmmm,” Jim hummed, “you look delicious.” His warm breath ghosted over the flushed and straining flesh. He took the head into his mouth, licking and sucking making Spock's hips buck upwards. He pressed his lover back down on to the mattress as sucked more of him into his mouth.
Spock groaned, back arching, fists twisting the bed sheets. It was a relief to be engulfed in the warm wetness of Jim's mouth. He gently rocked his hips, not wanting to thrust too hard and accidentally gag his partner, but unable to keep still. Yet Jim was enjoying himself, his arousal and affection undeniable and that too brought Spock comfort. A skilled had began gently playing with his balls pulling another moan from him. He looked down at the blond haired man, mouth stretched around him, swallowing him down. “Jim! Oh!” he cried out feeling his mate's throat squeeze around him. He was near to climax and a repeat performance from Jim pushed him over.
They lay on their sides, kissing. Spock could taste himself in Jim's mouth causing a surge of exultation and a possessiveness that was not within Spock's normal parameters. Jim, aroused from getting him off, rutted against Spock's belly as he breathed soft sounds of pleasure into the Vulcan's mouth. “Here, Jim.” Spock reached down to stroke his partner's hard and leaking cock causing him to make a needy whining sound that was only partially muffled by Spock's neck. “Ashayam, you are very beautiful like this.” he murmured into Jim's ear, fingers gently toying with the tip before grasping the shaft more firmly and stroking him rapidly, his hand wet with precome. Jim thrust into Spock's hand, all heat and lust. He came with a little cry, the warm fluid coating Spock's hand and stomach.
“Hmmm...thank you, Spock.”
“You do not need to thank me. I was reciprocating the pleasure you had already given me.”
Jim opened an eye. “I'll thank you anyway. Do you feel better?”
“Yes, but it will not last.” He sighed.
“But can you sleep now?” Jim propped himself up on his elbows and reached for a handful of tissues on the bedside table.
“Yes, I am much more relaxed.” he replied as Jim wiped off the worst of the damage from Spock's belly and hands. When Jim had finished his ministrations, Spock rearranged the blankets over them and pulled the human close. He did not wish to be apart from his mate, and feel of Jim's skin and the rise and fall of his chest soothed Spock to sleep.
* * *
He rose from the mat. Meditation was still beyond him even after his earlier activities with Jim. Still, the sexual release allowed him to think a little more clearly. Unfortunately, Spock didn't know how long this clarity would last. He could hear Jim moving around, readying himself for the day. He worried about making it through a shift. His symptoms would become worse before they improved, but he disliked the idea of sitting cooped up in his quarters doing nothing but waiting for the inevitable loss of reason.
“I was thinking,” Jim said as he sat down on the edge of the bed so he could pull on his boots. “It's quiet right now, why not do some work on those experiments you have going? You'd probably accomplish more there than on the bridge.”
Spock wasn't sure if similar ideas randomly occurred between himself and Jim, or if the human was subconsciously being influenced by the bond they shared, but he felt relief wash through him. Such a strong emotion was proof of his slowly deteriorating control, but it was still a welcome feeling. He could work alone. No one would see that their stoic first officer was behaving out of the ordinary, and he could work at his own pace for as long as he was able. “Thank you, Jim. I would like that.”
“But there is one condition.”
“Oh?” One eyebrow slid upward.
“Yes. Do not push yourself. If you feel unable to work, stop. If you need me, have Doctor McCoy comm me – and I mean it. Stop trying to spare me. I want to help you, I need to be here for you, but for me to do that, you have to be honest with me.” His voice was firm, but expression soft as he looked up into Spock's face. “It would save me a lot of worry, if I know that you'll contact me.”
Spock couldn't refuse that. Worrying his mate was the last thing he wanted to do. “Agreed.”
“I figure if Bones pulls me off the bridge it will seem more official, and there will be fewer questions.” he went on looking a good deal more relaxed. He stood on his toes to press his lips to Spock's in a far more innocent kiss than what they shared earlier. “See you later, and don't forget...” he waggled a finger at the Vulcan.
“I give you my word.” Jim seemed satisfied with that, and they went their separate ways.
* * *
Spock managed to find a good deal or work to do that did not require intellectual rigor. Notes had to be organized, data recorded, several scientific papers to be read. He derived some satisfaction from the knowledge that completing these tasks now would save a great deal of time when he was feeling better. Spock managed to work fairly efficiently for several hours. He even managed to eat a little. But after 3.12 hours passed, he found it more difficult to focus. He could not seem to control his wandering thoughts, and the flashes of heat and cold were uncomfortable. By 3.29 hours the jittery unsettled feeling intensified, and the tight hold he kept on his emotions slipped to a point that alarmed the Vulcan. He hated this. He greatly enjoyed love making with Jim, but under normal circumstances coupling did not involve total loss of control. He could easily respond to his mate's wishes and engage in the sweet give and take that occurred between equals. He was not accustomed to his sex drive completely overriding everything. There, the very thought of Jim made his cock twitch hopefully.
Spock rested his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. Work was becoming out of the question. He was far too compromised. He didn't want to pull Jim from his duties, but he had made a promise earlier and didn't wish to disappoint or anger him either. His groin tightened at the mental image of the golden haired man. In order to sooth his own need for self control, he forced himself to wait until four hours had passed. He found himself pacing restlessly back and forth for the final half hour before contacting Doctor McCoy.
He burned with shame when Bones answered. “This is Spock. The Captain requested that I have you pull him from the bridge if I was in need of his...presence.” He swallowed hard. “I will be returning to my quarters.
“Yeah, ok. You take care of yourself, you hear?” Bones replied, nothing but sympathy in his voice.
Spock made his way back through the ship, grateful that he passed very few people. Most were busy at this time of day and not near the living area. He wished he hadn't told McCoy about the Vulcan mating cycle while at the time knowing that was illogical, since the man was a medical professional and therefore both understanding and discreet. He pulled off his boots immediately upon entering his quarters and cast himself face down on the bed. Spock took several deep calming breaths attempting once more to regain control and will away the worst of his arousal. He managed to succeed for a few minutes before he moved his head and inhaled Jim's familiar scent on the pillow, sending an intense flash of heat back down to his groin.
He forced himself not to rub against the mattress or touch himself. Such actions were a poor substitute for the warm nude body of his mate. He jerked as the door swooshed open.
“It's just me.” Jim's very welcome voice said.