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A fat, viscous glob of melted chocolate ice-cream trickled slowly down the back of Luffy’s fingers, where they were closed around an already leaking waffle cone. The weather was exhaustingly hot that day and while it was perfect for ice-cream eating, it wasn’t particularly favorable for keeping it on display until the cream lost its ice properties.
Once they had completed Dadan’s shopping-list, Ace left the groceries with him, alongside a couple of berries to fetch them some ice cream while he waited. Luffy had finished his portion quite a while ago. The remaining cone that, despite its half-melted state, Luffy was still very carefully holding in his hand, was thus meant for his brother.
It was almost half an hour since Luffy had acquired the ice cream cones, though. Ace’s scoop was barely keeping its shape and soon nothing would be left of it, and it wouldn’t be Luffy’s fault for once. He had valiantly kept his mouth off the dessert and only licked off what would eventually trickle down onto the ground anyway.
During the time Ace was gone, Luffy had found himself a spot to sit on: on top of a half-height retaining stone wall that lined the dirt road leading out of the village, with the grocery bags placed neatly at his feet. From where he was perched, he could vaguely see Ace’s silhouette: a couple hundred meters away, still standing at the edge of the market square, exactly where he had been for the past twenty minutes. It didn’t seem like he’d be willing to return anytime soon, too busy talking animatedly with the group of adolescents that surrounded him.
Girls, mostly.
Luffy gritted his teeth in annoyance.
Over the past few weeks Ace had been… making new friends, to put it lightly.
The years after Sabo’s death had tempered him down a little, and he had learned to take up less sophisticated, and perhaps a bit safer ways to earn money for his future ship than plain assault and robbery. Ace began to pick up all sorts of odd jobs, both in Grey Terminal and the neighboring villages, and Luffy just kinda tagged along as usual, content to remain near and help him out in whichever way he was able to.
That included running all kinds of errands for the bandits as well, and for Dadan most often. Restocking, procuring supplies, or just some basic grocery shopping – or other things that the mountain bandits needed but couldn’t get themselves for obvious reasons, so sending the kids to get them seemed like the easiest solution.
It wasn’t like anyone would even connect the rowdy, violent kid with a steel pipe to the charming youth that Ace had grown up to become – which was, all in all, mostly a product of Makino’s efforts at resocializing him into, as she often called him, “a polite young man”.
Despite her hard work, Luffy still got to see the feral spirit that still lived inside Ace from time to time – though it seemed like it had become more sad than angry over the years.
He wasn’t quite sure if he preferred the sad Ace or the angry Ace.
Either way, even if the inside of him remained more or less familiar, Ace had changed quite significantly on the outside: both in height and muscle mass. His voice had gotten much deeper, too – which made him seem much older than Luffy, despite there being only two years of difference between them. He could easily pass as an an adult now, only a few months away from his seventeenth birthday.
The thing was.
With all the growing and socializing that he had gone through, Ace had also began… attracting looks.
The shop-owners and merchants that they visited frequently obviously had wives and daughters, whose curious and often appreciative looks lingered on Ace’s toned form much longer than Luffy thought was appropriate. And it wasn’t just them – Luffy had seen the way some of the sailors and port-workers outright stared at Ace too. Like he was… a piece of delicious, well-roasted, greasy ham.
It didn’t help that sometime along the way, especially during heatwaves, Ace had taken up a habit of wearing unbuttoned shirts with nothing beneath them.
Luffy, just like with literally everything else, remained behind Ace with all the growing. Sure, he could stretch his limbs, stretch his torso even – but it always, stubbornly, snapped right back to its initial height, barely reaching up to Ace’s shoulders. And so he remained, with his stupid lanky kid limbs, stupid fat-lined baby face and stupid high-pitched, cracky voice – which in its entirety basically meant no one bothered to notice him, let alone take him seriously.
With the way he’d been practically ignored everywhere they went, all the attention focused solely on his older brother, Luffy could’ve just as well eaten an invisible-invisible fruit or something.
He had no other choice but to simply endure all the giggling, all the eyelash batting, all the shy, flustered smiles of seemingly all female inhabitants of the entire village, regardless of their age or martial status. And he had to endure it all on Ace’s behalf, as Ace had only been mildly annoyed by it at first, and quickly began to somewhat appreciate being the center of attention, thinking it was somewhat flattering in the long run.
Much to Luffy’s dismay, obviously.
And since no one really paid any attention to him or his fuming, all he could do was just fume in silence and watch from the sidelines as Ace reciprocated the looks and the smiles, entertaining the daughters and the wives and everyone else’s mothers with his charm and witty humor, while they packed their groceries or counted the change.
Makino was still dear to him and he still greatly appreciated her care – despite it though, Luffy was slowly beginning to dislike her all the same, for teaching Ace manners and how to properly talk to girls. This wouldn’t be happening if Ace remained the wild, angry thing he had used to be, entirely disinterested in human interaction. It of course also meant he wouldn’t be interested in hanging out with Luffy as much either – but that was something Luffy could live with, he supposed, if only it meant he wouldn’t have to share him with girls now.
Because, honestly?
There was virtually no way for Luffy to compete for Ace’s attention with all the pretty, long-haired, bright-eyed merchant daughters, with their pretty flowy skirts and red-tinted cheeks. Makino had explained to him once that at certain age boys became interested in girls and vice versa – so that wasn’t something he had no clue about. For some reason though he just never assumed it would happen to Ace too. It was just the two of them for so many years that it simply never occurred to him that Ace could ever be interested in someone else.
Which seemed to be the case now.
Every time they went into the village for whatever reason, Ace took his time to hang out and talk with the girls for longer and longer amounts of time, usually telling Luffy to either go back to the bandit settlement on his own, or wait for him somewhere.
Luffy always waited – because why would he ever go somewhere without Ace?
The waiting wasn’t the problem. The problem was that Ace’s birthday was nearing with every day that passed, and that in turn meant Ace would be setting sail on his own that much quicker. And as much Ace was excitedly counting the days until his birthday, Luffy had been, frankly, dreading the day his brother turned seventeen.
For it meant Ace would leave without him.
And yet there he was, wasting time on girls, while Luffy’s time with him was running short.
It was just so terribly unfair. Luffy had been with Ace the longest, so he should have priority in spending as much time as possible with Ace before he inevitably left.
Besides.
What would a girl even do with Ace?
It was doubtful that any of them would match up to Ace’s fighting skills, just as Luffy doubted Ace would want to fight girls anyway. Girls also didn’t seem like they’d be interested in rolling around in mud or wading through swamps to hunt crocodiles. Neither would they probably be willing to reach into the carcass of a freshly killed boar to tear off the tender, still-twitching meat fibers that grew along its spine – which, as Luffy had learned by now and memorized alongside other crucial and life-saving information – were Ace’s favorite.
Judging from how their mothers had ended up, and the businesses that their fathers ran: neither of them would realistically follow Ace out into the sea either and like Makino, they were probably interested in settling down somewhere and having many, many babies.
And Ace hated babies. Luffy knew as much. Based on his own experiences.
With that in mind he was certain none of the girls could provide Ace with what he really wanted.
What Luffy knew Ace wanted.
So why were they occupying so much of Ace’s attention?
By the time Ace eventually bid farewell to his newfound girl-friends, it had already become much past noon and the ice-cream cone meant for him turned entirely into a mushy chocolate-and-soggy-wafer mess.
When he finally jogged up the small hillside where Luffy was waiting for him, he was met with Luffy’s chocolate-covered hand, extended towards him. Ace eyed the melted ice cream cone warily, which still remained clutched securely in Luffy’s sticky grip. Luffy in turn tried to ignore the slight flush that spanned across his brother’s freckled cheeks.
“Thanks,” Ace said. His nose scrunched up a little, “you can have it, though.”
Luffy just shrugged, then promptly swallowed the entire thing in one go, the sticky-sweetness of it quickly muting the bitterness of Ace’s refusal.
It was fine. Luffy could’ve just as well eaten the cone while it was still somewhat frozen, instead of waiting for him. But it was fine. It was still tasty, despite its melted state.
“You ready to go?”
Luffy nodded eagerly. He licked the remaining chocolate off his fingers, then jumped off the stone fence.
Once both of them picked up their designated grocery bags, Ace set off along the road towards the forest line, with Luffy hurrying not far behind him.
The bags usually ended up being quite heavy with all the produce and supplies inside them, but they weren’t usually that hard to carry once the weight was distributed evenly. Today though, Luffy decided he needed to manage otherwise. He deliberately placed all of his bags in one hand, freeing his other one: which he wiped properly off the sticky, melted ice-cream residue with the help of his shorts.
Having made sure he was still able to carry the bags like that – he broke into a run to catch up to Ace, then quickly laced his fingers with Ace’s. His brother’s palm was slightly bigger than his own, but Luffy made sure to hold on as tight as he could, despite having to walk almost twice as fast to match Ace’s longer, quicker stride.
Ace shot him a slightly disbelieving, sideways look.
“What’s gotten into you? Aren’t you a bit too old to hold hands with me?”
Luffy just shrugged again, refusing to meet his eyes and stubbornly unwilling to let go.
The linen handles of the bags dug uncomfortably into Luffy’s other palm, making his fingers turn painfully numb in a matter of minutes. He ignored it though; the discomfort was quickly subdued anyway, the moment he felt Ace squeeze his hand back in reciprocation.
Maybe it was true that Luffy was too old for such open displays of affection.
But for as long as Ace was still with him, Luffy would hold his hand. Just as he would sleep by Ace’s side and share meals with him. He would do all of these things just because he could – and everyone else couldn’t.
*
It took them some time to return to the settlement and unpack the groceries – as the unpacking had to be paused halfway through, the moment Ace noticed the state of Luffy’s palm. He surprisingly didn’t make that many remarks, save for the usual “you need to be more careful” and all, and helped Luffy clean and wrap up his palm where the linen handles had rubbed his skin raw and exposed the tender, red flesh underneath.
At some point Luffy was called to help Dadan with the supper and Ace disappeared somewhere – but it wasn’t like Luffy had to constantly have him in his line of sight to feel at peace. Besides, he ended up being too distracted by Dadan’s yelling at the terrible, entirely-no-good way he was apparently peeling the potatoes, to actively look for Ace.
It was only when the afternoon began to melt into evening and the stew was finally done, that Luffy took another helping of it and went looking for his brother; and found him in their room, sans his shirt, sifting through the sparse collection of clothes that they shared.
Luffy watched him curiously from the doorway for a while, licking the spoon off the remaining stew. Once there was no more left to lick off, he walked in to place Ace’s bowl on the wooden floorboards beside him.
“Food,” he announced. “What’re you doing?”
“What does it look like im doing,” Ace replied, reaching out for the bowl without even sparing him a glance. Luffy slid the spoon into his waiting hand wordlessly, but Ace didn’t seem bothered in the slightest that it had been in Luffy’s mouth just moments ago. They shared a lot of things on daily basis, kitchen utensils among others. “I’m getting dressed. Move away, so you don’t make me spill this – I’ve barely managed to find something clean to put on.”
“What do you even need clean clothes for?” Luffy asked. He obediently moved half a step back, then plopped himself down onto the floor next to Ace. “If we’re gonna go work on your sailboat, they’ll get dirty anyway.”
He felt his mouth water as he observed Ace wolf down the stew, despite finishing an equal bowl of it himself just moments ago.
“We’re not gonna go anywhere,” Ace announced, after swallowing the last spoonful, “I’m going back to the village, and you’re not going with me.”
Luffy narrowed his eyes at him.
A weird kind of pressure formed in his stomach, not really a full blown stomach ache, but definitely a discomfort strong enough to be noticeable already. Huh. Maybe he should’ve waited for the stew to cool down before swallowing his own serving in one go.
“What? Why can’t I go with you?”
Ace shoved the empty bowl away, then picked a shirt from the pile – and after deeming it presentable enough, pulled it on in a quick, efficient manner.
“There’s going to be a bonfire,” he explained, visibly distracted. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it down where the static made some of the strands stand stiffly outwards.
A brief thought crossed Luffy’s mind that he liked it better when Ace’s hair wasn’t as flat.
“And there aren’t going to be any people your age. You’ll get bored.”
Luffy blinked at him in confusion. “You’re gonna be there. Why would I get bored?”
Ace let out an audibly exasperated sigh, then finally turned to look at him properly.
“That’s not it, Luffy. You can’t follow me everywhere, there’s other people I want to talk to. I don’t know, go play with the other bandits or something. I’m sure you’ll manage without me.”
Ah. There it was. The reason why it took Ace so long to talk with the girls earlier, in the village. Luffy felt his eyes sting, and he looked away quickly, willing the wetness to go away.
“I don’t want to play with other bandits,” he said, trying to sound reasonable, but just like always it came out sounding like he was some kind of a whiny kid, “I wanna go with you too.”
Ace briefly stopped tending to his hair. He glanced from Luffy’s disgruntled frown to the way his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest. His gray eyes narrowed a little, before the exasperation on his face melted into an amused smirk.
“No need to be jealous,” he drawled with a shit-eating grin, reaching out to gently pat Luffy’s hair.
Luffy dodged out of the way, the frown on his face deepening. Jealous?
“As long as you train hard, there’s a chance that in a few years you’ll grow up just as tall and strong as me,” Ace continued, entirely unmoved by Luffy’s attempts at moving out of his reach, “and you’ll have girls swooning over you in no time, don’t worry.”
Luffy’s mouth pressed into a thin line. The cold, hollow pressure inside him spread upwards, from his stomach and into his throat, but he valiantly tried to swallow around the uneasy feeling.
It wasn’t about girls. It had never been about girls.
He let Ace laugh at him all he wanted. There was no use to even try to argue with him, as it was obvious there were other people hogging all of Ace’s attention now. Luffy’s opinion on the matter was clearly unwanted – he was just Ace’s stupid kid brother, after all.
His throat suddenly became impossibly tight. He bit hard onto his bottom lip to ward off the merciless tears. His vision still got blurry anyway.
It wasn’t like Luffy had ever been deliberately chosen over anyone else. He should’ve gotten used to being the second, if not third choice, but it was fine. Ace would soon set sail and their time together was stretching painfully thin, but it was fine, Ace just wanted to attend bonfires with girls.
The feeling of blood rushing to his head made him not even register whatever jokes Ace was making at his expense. Luffy scrambled to his feet, knocking over the empty bowl in the process, then moved towards the door without even consciously telling his body what to do.
Out of the corner of his eye he barely noticed the expression on Ace’s face change into something more concerned, but Luffy promptly ignored that as well.
If Ace was so sick of his company already, Luffy simply wouldn’t annoy him any longer. He had all the right to be tired of him – of Luffy’s obnoxious clinginess, the loudness of his voice, the constant crying.
It wasn’t Ace’s fault that Luffy simply had no one else.
If anything, it was on Luffy: that barely anyone tolerated him, and even if they did, they ended up tired of him eventually and left him behind.
His parents. Gramps. Shanks.
And now Ace.
It was almost nightfall when he stomped out of the cabin, fists clenched tight at his sides, the dull, throbbing pain of his scraped palm the only thing keeping his mind somewhat grounded.
The woods surrounding the settlement were already getting dark, with barely any sunlight remaining to filter through the dense overgrowth. The evening air smelled wet and earthy, foretelling a colder night.
He moved quickly towards the treeline, then through the bushes and treetrunks, in the general direction of their treehouse. It wasn’t a particularly creative destination, but then – Luffy didn’t really have any other places he’d think of as safe, so his options were rather limited. Ace wouldn’t think to follow him either way.
Not that Luffy hoped he would.
It was fine. Ace had said it himself – Luffy would manage without him.
*
He picked up a bunch of rocks on the way, filling his pockets with them until he had no more space left, then climbed up onto one of the tree branches that spanned around the tree house. He remained there until the sun set fully, kicking his legs in the air and throwing the rocks with as much strength as he could manage, watching them disappear into the surrounding foliage.
It wasn’t that much fun if there wasn’t really anyone else he could compete with – but Luffy figured it was high time for him to start coming up with ways to pass the time that didn’t involve Ace. Or other people, for the matter.
Flinging yet another piece of stone into the darkness that stretched beneath him, Luffy realized that he had grown so used to there always being someone – Garp, Makino, Dadan, Ace and Sabo, then just Ace, that he found himself not really knowing what to do with himself on his own.
It still felt bearable, for now – he could still convince himself that it was temporary. Despite Ace spending time with other people much more often, he eventually always came back.
But even if Ace wasn’t leaving just yet, there would come a day when he would, inevitably, leave for good to pursue his dream. It was what they talked about almost daily after all, and Luffy had no right to stand between Ace and whatever he desired to achieve.
He was deeply and painfully aware that such was simply the course of things, and the time for him to set sail on his own would come as well – he had his own dream to pursue, and his own reputation to earn. There could only be one King of the Pirates, and Luffy knew already that he wouldn’t be sharing the title with anyone, even Ace.
It was a matter of having the meat and eating it at the same time – and even though he was able to somehow rationalize it all in his mind, the prospect of having to stay behind for at least three more years until he would be able to follow Ace out to the sea was not only painful, but also absolutely terrifying.
Luffy shook his head sharply, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes to clear his head and forcefully stop the stupid tears from gathering behind his eyelids yet again.
He knew he was being irrational and a crybaby. Not that it would be the first time. Ace tended to mock him for crying so much, and Luffy couldn’t help but hate himself each time his eyes filled with tears despite his most desperate attempts at not letting them fall. But it was so, so stupidly hard not to cry, especially in moments like this one – where a lot of things happened all at once and he just couldn’t stop himself from feeling it all, unable to get out of his head and handle himself in a more reasonable way.
It felt like his brain simply couldn’t imagine a world where he had a life without Ace in it. His brother – the only constant in his life, the only person who didn’t abandon him, who showed actual, genuine concern over him, who seemed to simply enjoy Luffy’s company? Luffy couldn’t even think about it too much, as even the idea of Ace not being there with him at all made him feel cold and hollow all over, like there was a huge, gaping hole in the middle of his chest, where he usually felt his heart beating.
Except his brother wasn’t going to die, and Luffy had to stop acting like he was on his deathbed, somehow. And that included having to stop being such a clingy, useless, whiny kid as well. Ace would simply leave to assemble his own crew and become a great pirate captain, and in three years time Luffy would follow him to do the same. And once he gained enough infamy as a pirate himself, it wouldn’t be long until they reunited – Luffy would make sure of it.
All of that would happen in the future, though.
He wasn’t a pirate captain just yet, and Luffy wished he could somehow convince Ace that despite not having a bounty yet, he still had so much to offer: that he could be just as strong as him, just as fast and agile. That he could fight tigers and crocodiles with just as much ease as his brother, and not fall behind whenever they raced across the forest. He desperately wanted to prove himself – maybe then Ace would reconsider and choose to spend his remaining time with him.
But was that really what Ace wanted, though?
Luffy thought of his brother’s recent change of interests. It wasn’t hard to recall the easy smiles on his freckled face, or the half-lidded looks directed at certain people.
A shiver ran through Luffy’s body. He pulled his knees up, circling his arms around them and hugging them to his chest. He should move down from the treetops, soon. The air was getting colder without the sunlight, and he was still only wearing a thin shirt and shorts from the day before.
If only he knew what was there about girls that made Ace prefer their company to Luffy’s. He’d even consider growing his hair a bit longer, maybe even ask Makino if she had any of these flowy dresses or skirts to spare. It would probably make the other bandits laugh and mock him even more, but it was something he would endure, if it was what would make Ace pay attention to him once more.
There were two things he was fully certain of: that he would eventually become the King of the Pirates, and that he would do anything for Ace.
Back in Foosha, Makino took him to a wedding once. It was some kind of a big event apparently, a local merchant’s daughter marrying a rich, influential sailor. It had all the village inhabitants flock together to observe the outlandish crews and travelers that visited just for the occasion, with all their expensive clothing and enormous, gilded ships.
He thought of the vows that the birde exchanged with her soon-to-be husband, and how he couldn’t understand why they made Makino all teary-eyed. Things like undying loyalty, faithfulness, or devoting your every moment to the person you wanted to share your life with were concepts his six-year-old mind wasn’t able to grasp then, and he didn’t pay it much thought afterwards.
Now, he couldn’t help but think how the vows he had exchanged with Ace and Sabo over the cups of sake didn’t sound that much different.
Luffy knew that weddings – in theory – were supposed to unite people that loved each other. He also had a vague idea of what love was, though it was mostly based on what Makino told him, and all the stories that Sabo used to read him about princes and princesses living happily ever after. Even with his limited knowledge it wasn’t hard to conclude that loving someone meant, among other things, willing to spend the rest of your life with them.
Based on that, Luffy supposed that in the mess of everything he felt for Ace, love had to fill up a larger portion of it all. He knew there was nothing he could do to keep Ace for himself, no matter how much he wanted to do just that. Ace was his brother – but he was his own person, too. The seas called to him, and there was an entirely new life waiting for him beyond Dawn Island, and beyond Luffy. So he would love Ace with all his rubber heart had in it, no matter where Ace went or what he chose to do. It was the least he could do, without forcing Ace to give him something in return.
When he eventually ran out of rocks to throw and it became too cold to remain outside – Luffy realized that the inner turmoil he had been going through since the early afternoon had somehow quietened down. He hadn’t yet fully made peace with the idea of Ace leaving, but. At least he was able to sort out a bunch of things in his head.
His brother didn’t really have a habit of staying out overnight. Whenever he went out, he usually came back before dawn. Luffy didn’t feel like coming back to the bandit settlement before that – but he could just as well wait for Ace until he got back, or come out to meet him by the edge of the forest, even. It was always better to traverse the forest with someone at your side, especially at night. Even though both of them knew all the trails by heart, there was always a chance of stumbling upon a herd of boars, or tigers, or some other creature that might want to fight.
And fights were generally easier with someone having your back.
Content with the plan he came up with, Luffy climbed down into their rickety treehouse. They always kept some spare blankets in there, for nights where they stayed out overnight. He wrapped himself in one, then found himself a spot by one of the larger gaps between the planks that made up the treehouse walls - which were left strategically as lookout spots, back when Ace and Sabo constructed the treehouse.
That way he could easily see the night sky above – and what better way to pass the time than to look at the stars that twinkled there, and think of all the constellations that Sabo had once showed him.
*
The star-gazing, just like anything else really, turned out way less fun without company.
It quickly became too boring, and mostly to prevent himself from falling asleep too early, Luffy eventually decided to leave the treehouse and head out towards the path leading out of the forest to wait for Ace there. Which was his initial plan anyway.
He couldn’t really tell how much time he had spent in the roadside shrubbery, but he was quite sure he managed to doze off a few times in the process. What woke him up was the sound of nearing footsteps and voices; all of his drowsiness evaporated immediately the moment he recognized one of the voices as Ace’s. Luffy pushed himself off the soft ground and climbed back onto his feet, excitement already bubbling inside him at the prospect of seeing Ace. He was about to come running out of the bushes to meet his brother half-way, but then he finally came into view – and alongside him, someone else as well.
Luffy froze in his tracks, then fell back into a crouch, trying to stay hidden in the shadowy foliage. He had no idea why his body reacted that way – but for some reason he was even reluctant to breathe, just in case he made too much noise.
Ace did came back, it seemed.
With one of the girls in tow.
Luffy could clearly see her in the moonlight: she had pale complexion, almond-shaped, blue eyes, and a round face framed with shoulder-length, curly blonde hair, which strangely reminded him of Sabo’s, if he had ever chosen to skip a haircut day once or twice.
She was leaning heavily onto Ace’s arm and giggling into his ear. There was a somewhat uncomfortable look on his brother’s face, but maybe it was because the girl was just heavy or something.
Ace had no trouble carrying Luffy, most of the time. Perhaps girls were just heavier than they looked.
They were nearing to where the dirt road forked into a path leading into the forest and another one that ran back into the village, when she abruptly let go of Ace’s arm and spun him around, her bright laughter echoing in the otherwise silent, night air.
She took a hold of Ace’s jaw with both of her hands and looked him straight in the eyes. Confusion clouded Luffy’s head at the sight of her behavior in addition to the uneasy, heavy feeling that was still somewhat present in his stomach since early afternoon.
He couldn’t really see Ace’s expression like that, as he was standing with his back to the bushes – but he could clearly see the way the girl’s pretty blue eyes fell closed and a rose flush spread across her pale cheeks. Then, she stood up on her toes and smushed her entire face into Ace’s.
Luffy’s inhale caught in his throat.
He suddenly became painfully aware that he should not be here. Shouldn’t be seeing this.
He knew what kissing was, he had seen people kiss before. He knew kisses were supposed to be exchanged between people who cared about each other a lot.
So this… obviously had to be an important thing for Ace.
Luffy simply shouldn’t be involved in this at all.
At least that was what he desperately tried to convince himself of, unable to tear his gaze away from the way she threw her arms around his shoulders, and kept her face pressed right into Ace’s.
Luffy suddenly felt nauseous. Maybe it was the stew, after all.
His throat was impossibly tight, and his head felt dizzy with the lack of air, as he struggled to breathe against the expanding, hollow pressure in his chest. Ground lurched abruptly from beneath his feet and he took a few, unsteady steps back, instinctively trying to regain balance.
Something crunched loudly under his foot.
Ace suddenly shoved the girl away and his head whipped to the side, his wide, steel eyes staring right in the direction where the sound came from.
Panic flared inside Luffy, as if he had stepped onto the tail of a starving tiger and its gaping, fanged maw snapped just inches away from his face.
It felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest with how frantically it thudded against his ribs. Tears welled beneath his eyelids, only to overflow immediately and trickle down his cheeks. Even though his body seemed to shift into a violent fight or flight response, every single muscle in his body was frozen. He was unable to blink, unable to make any noises, unable even to breathe – he cursed frantically his stupid weak rubber body, as it yet again refused to be useful, only knowing how to cry in the most crucial moments.
All he could focus on was the overwhelming feeling that kept returning to him over and over again, despite his best efforts at stifling it: he was in the wrong place, in the wrong time – everything felt just so, so terribly wrong.
Luffy watched as Ace took a cautious step towards his hiding spot, the girl hovering behind him anxiously — and the threat of being approached was apparently what allowed him to break out of the terrified freeze. With all the strength and willpower he could muster, he launched himself off the ground like a frightened rabbit and did the first thing that came to his mind.
He ran.
For a moment, it felt like he could hear Ace’s voice calling after him, somewhere in the distance — but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of his heavy, desperate breathing and the deafening buzz of increased blood flow in his ears.
Branches and twigs caught on his shirt and slashed across the uncovered skin of his arms and legs as he stumbled blindly through the foliage, trying to get back to the treehouse. The woods were pitch black around him and he could barely even see anything with how blurry and unfocused his vision was. He knew the path by heart though, and could probably find it even with his eyes closed. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. His entire body hurt: the fresh cuts on his skin, his stomach, his chest, his throat — still clenched tight, raw and burning from the chilly night air.
But the worst of it was probably the excruciating burn of shame.
Ace was never, had never been his. He had no right to ask anything of Ace, Luffy knew as much. His brother had already given him much more than he deserved, had nothing but patience for him while all Luffy was able to do was to take. But at the same time, he couldn’t stifle the intense, intrusive feeling of betrayal, alongside overwhelming guilt — for seeing what he just saw, for interfering with a moment that was so clearly, so painfully, not his.
Luffy just had to constantly ruin everything, didn’t he.
Underneath all the pain and shame was something else. Something more vicious, more dangerous, like a viper coiling under a log, ready to strike.
Upon reaching the base of the tree where their hiding spot was located, Luffy climbed up the ladder, relying more on muscle memory than actual, deliberate movements. The meadow, the trees, the weathered planks that made up the treehouse: all of it was like blurry, alien shapes to him, as if his eyes simply couldn't process anything of what he was seeing.
And yet.
Every time he closed them, even for a second, in futile attempts to blink back the tears, all he could see was the clear, vivid silhouette of that blonde girl: leaning in, pressing her mouth against Ace’s.
The feeling that stormed inside him was intense and overwhelming, and while he couldn't really name it, he was able to tell one thing. The recognition made his blood turn cold, forcing a violent shiver through him.
It should’ve been him instead.
*
He buried himself in the blankets, pulling his hat over his face with enough force for the straw to strain under his fingernails. He tried not to cry, he really did – but ended up bawling his eyes out anyway. Ace had been right, many times in the past — he was nothing but a weak crybaby. No wonder his brother didn’t want to spent more time with him than absolutely necessary, especially now that Luffy has apparently ruined yet another thing for him.
Part of him just wanted Ace to continue ignoring him, go back to kissing the girl, spend the entire, next day with her even, act like Luffy didn’t even exist - Luffy could just sink into the floorboards and disappear, and maybe it would be for the better. Except there was another part of him, much more selfish and irrational, that had somehow awakened the first time Ace was approached in the village, these few weeks ago. It had only grown in strength since then, leaving Luffy desperately hoping for Ace to go after him instead, ask what was wrong and console him, and never pay attention to anyone but him.
Ace did came back, eventually. After hours, or maybe minutes — Luffy couldn't even tell how much time had passed, but he supposed Ace did end up giving the girl a proper goodbye.
He could hear Ace climb up the ladder: the rough sound of his boots on the weathered, creaky wood, alongside his quickened breathing. When he reached the main part of the treehouse, Luffy heard him call his name in a soft, audibly winded voice; he didn’t bother to reply, still wrapped in layers and layers of blankets, with tears and snot flooding his airways, preventing him from making any coherent noises other than quiet, miserable sniffing.
He did end up stealing a glance at his brother before ducking his head under the covers again and squeezing his eyes shut. It did little to help him get rid of the sight of Ace and his disheveled hair, with slightly dazed look to his gray eyes and a red flush blooming across his cheeks with such vibrancy that his freckles drowned in it. Luffy’s fingers bunched into fists, pulling the material of the blankets tighter around himself, but even the prospect of making himself suffocate wasn’t enough to knock the persistent thought out of his brain, that he would’ve traded anything and everything he had ever possessed just to be in the place of the girl that Ace had been kissing.
The need was so sudden and so overwhelming, that it didn’t even strike him as something he shouldn’t possibly want. Luffy had never given kissing any actual thought, just as he had never been interested in hugging, holding hands, spending time with anyone other than Ace and Sabo, back when he still was around. Sure, Ace had never seemed particularly thrilled to have Luffy physically attach himself to him like a barnacle stuck to a rock, but then again – from the moment only the two of them remained, he had never really actively tried to push Luffy away, either.
So when it came to it, Ace was the only person Luffy sought physical comfort from on more or less regular basis: hugged him, slept curled by his side, held his hand – why wouldn’t he kiss Ace too? Why would it matter if it was his cheek or his forehead or his mouth that Luffy would get to kiss. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure he would never want anyone else to kiss him. Or to kiss anyone else, for the record.
Just Ace.
Except Ace was going to leave soon and Luffy would never get another chance because Ace had been kissing girls instead.
He kept his eyes shut, pretending real hard that he was sleeping, even though it was obvious his attempts were futile as Ace noticed him almost right away. Luffy heard the floorboards creak when Ace walked up to where he was lying all bundled up, followed by the soft rustling of fabric when Ace undoubtedly lowered himself onto the blankets beside him.
Silence fell afterwards, broken only by the quiet sound of wildlife outside, Ace’s quiet breathing and Luffy’s pathetic, muffled sobs that he just couldn’t get to stop. He was sure it was just a matter of minutes until Ace’s composure broke and all of his anger poured out, cementing his position as the worst possible younger brother.
Except Ace just — sighed deeply. It didn’t even sound annoyed like it normally would, almost like was somewhat relieved to see Luffy there.
Not even a couple of heartbeats later, Luffy felt his brother place a hand on top of his head — the only part sticking out from under the covers. He stroked the sweat-matted hair back from Luffy’s forehead, knocking his straw hat off and letting it slide to the side in the process.
The entire gesture, despite being small and brief, was still so warm, so gentle and so deeply affectionate that Luffy couldn’t hold back the sobs as they stirred inside his chest once more. His reaction startled Ace, made him pull back immediately and move back a respectable distance away; his hand remained extended though, hanging awkwardly in the air, like he still wanted to reach out to Luffy but wasn’t certain if it was what Luffy wanted of him.
Luffy pushed his entire fist into his mouth, biting hard on it to stop himself from making more sounds and somewhat stop himself from crying — but he just couldn’t, it was the same situation all over again. There was so many things happening, so many things he was feeling at once: bitter frustration, because of things he wanted but could never have, and overwhelming loneliness even though Ace was still right there — but he would leave, soon, and then it would be much, much worse anyway. And since his brain couldn’t process all of that at once, his body simply resorted to crying as a way to deal with the rising distress.
It was almost certain now that Ace would just get up and go eventually, after he came back all the way after Luffy, made sure to reach out to him in an attempt at reconciliation, and was met with Luffy refusing all of it. Ace never really had enough patience for most things, and the constant crying annoyed him to no end; it only made Luffy feel even worse, even more guilty that he just couldn’t control his own behavior. He should be cherishing every moment Ace decided to spend with him, not waste it on crying, and being off-putting and disgusting and annoying and—
The stream of his self-deprecating thoughts abruptly came to a halt when Ace’s arms embraced him soundly, plucking him out of the blankets and pulling him into Ace’s lap. His brother cradled him to his chest tightly, putting an arm around Luffy’s back, with the other one holding Luffy’s head against his shoulder, as if Luffy’s absolutely sorry state didn’t bother him in the slightest.
Ace held him close, didn’t let go for seemed like ages, as tears continued to stream down Luffy’s cheeks and his little body was wrecked with silent, pitiful sobs. Ace remained silent through it all, didn’t belittle him, or mock him for his typical crybaby behavior – just. Waited for him to calm down, until Luffy had no more tears to cry and ended up exhausting himself with all the sobbing to the point he was no longer shaking like a leaf in his arms.
Only when Luffy’s breathing evened out and there was no more wetness spilling from his eyes, Ace decided to finally speak.
“It was you, wasn’t it? By the crossroads. Why did you run? I called after you.”
Luffy sniffled wetly, pressing his cheek into Ace’s and refusing to meet his brother’s eyes. It took him a while to answer, brain still too fuzzy around the edges to help him form coherent sentences.
“I didn’t want to. Ruin things.”
“Ruin what?”
“You. W-with the girl.”
Ace laughed airly, and it was Luffy’s turn to startle and blink up at his brother with wide, glazed-over eyes. Ace's laughter was such a pretty, warm sound, and the sight of his brother in general was enough to momentarily distract him from all the crying.
“You’ve no idea how much I hoped for something to happen that would give me a reason to leave.”
Luffy felt his head swim. “W-what?”
“It was so boring, the entire thing,” Ace admitted with another sigh. His fingers slid into Luffy’s hair, the calloused pads rubbing across the back of Luffy’s head in the same slow, sort of absent way he’d rub a cat between its ears. “Can’t believe I’m the one saying this, after I told you earlier you couldn’t go with me because you’d be the one to get bored. But then again, it was supposed to be a bonfire, and there was so little meat – you would’ve hated it all the same.”
Luffy instinctively leaned into his touch. He struggled to understand what Ace meant — it was in no way how he had assumed Ace would react, and it didn’t help that his brain was all sluggish with all the confusion mixed with slowly growing exhaustion.
His brother must’ve realized Luffy wasn’t really on the same page as he was. He exhaled softly, but it was a fond, soft sound, without a trace of any annoyance.
“Thought I was gonna die, honestly. I mean it was fun at first, with all the booze and food, but fuck, these people are so annoying,” Ace’s expression turned sour for a moment. Still, his fingers never stopped moving through Luffy’s hair. “That girl and her friends have been all over me the entire night — I couldn’t even go piss in peace, let alone just leave. She insisted on following me every time, kept talking about some sort of romantic moonlight walk or whatever.”
Ace looked pensive for a moment, gray eyes unfocusing briefly as his eyebrows drew together in a frown. “Pretty sure we’ve robbed her dad at some point? D’you remember, these drunks a few weeks past. Something about her seemed familiar.”
His eyes turned to regard Luffy again: with his gaze half-lidded, and the lines of his face becoming smooth once more. Ace looked soft, in the gentle, cloud-filtered moonlight that fell in through the cracks and gaps in the woodwork that made up the treehouse. The freckles on his face were once again clearly visible once the flush had died down, scattered across his skin like stars in the night sky. The uneven ends of his hair curled upwards a little, due to the moisture in the air, tickling Luffy’s cheek.
“And then — you. Out of nowhere, giving me the perfect excuse to just fuck off.”
Luffy blinked at him. He was still unable to focus — or maybe it was just the gentle, constant pleasure of Ace’s blunt fingernails scratching his scalp that prevented him from doing so.
“S-so you’re not mad?”
Ace laughed again. It was shorter, even softer this time, more like an amused exhale of air.
“Mad? Are you serious? Luffy, I think you’ve saved me.”
The admission was simple, easy like an afterthought, but to Luffy it felt like it was laden with so much more weight beneath the light-hearted surface. He looked at his brother’s face like it was the first time he was seeing him, the last remnants of tears drying on his splotchy, wet face.
Ace looked at him right back, with eyes gentle and patient, and Luffy could almost convince himself that in this moment he was the only and sole thing on Ace’s mind. Ace removed his hand from Luffy’s hair, much to Luffy’s displeasure, and brought it forward to tentatively swipe his thumb across Luffy’s cheek, wiping away the lingering wetness.
“Now – you wanna tell me what’s wrong? Not that I’m complaining, but why were you even there?”
His voice was gentle, quiet, like even if Luffy just said no or nothing at all, Ace wouldn’t press the issue too much.
But Luffy had never hidden anything from Ace. They were friends, brothers, Ace was the only person in the entire world that knew him, trusted him, the only one that Luffy could ever fully rely on. With Ace being so close, holding him like this, being there for him, Luffy didn’t feel like crying anymore — that much, at least. The harsh reality still remained, that no matter how things were now, all of it was temporary. Ace would leave either way, and nothing that Luffy said or did would change that.
The reminder made Luffy’s throat spasm painfully, but he swallowed through it, desperately trying not to break down again because he still had to come up with an answer.
“I was waiting for you,” Luffy managed out.
Ace tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “No need. You know I would’ve come back either way.”
“Today, maybe,” Luffy’s arms wrapped around his middle self-consciously, “but you’ll stop coming back soon. Your ship just needs to be done, and then you’ll be leaving for good.”
It wasn’t what prompted his breakdown per se, but it was the root of the issue anyway.
“That is true,” Ace said. He untangled Luffy’s thin, rubber arms from around himself, then placed them gently around his own, much wider shoulders, pulling him closer. “It’s not finished yet, though. Won’t be done tomorrow either. There’s still plenty of time.”
Luffy pushed his forehead against Ace’s shoulder dejectedly.
“It’s gonna be terrible without you.”
Ace’s arms tightened around him even more. It would probably be uncomfortable to anyone else, but Luffy’s body was soft and pliant and yielded in Ace’s embrace with ease, causing no discomfort but rather an overwhelming sensation of warmth.
“You don’t know that,” Ace countered, and Luffy felt his warm breath tickle his hair. “We’ve been over this before — I’m not leaving yet, and until then I’ll be right here beside you. Alright?”
Luffy nuzzled his face into the soft, warm skin under Ace’s jaw, in the crook where his shoulder and neck met. Ace let him stay there, holding him steady to prevent him from sliding off his lap when Luffy rested his entire weight onto him like a puppet with is strings cut. His brother’s palm moved back up again to rest at the base of his skull, not really providing an pressure — simply holding him there, as if to make sure Luffy remained close.
“Doesn’t feel like it, sometimes,” Luffy mumbled, the words partially muffled by the moist fabric of Ace’s shirt pressing against his mouth. Ace smelled like soap and wood smoke, with the faint addition of some kind of heady, sugary flavor — almost sickly sweet, reminding Luffy of overblown flowers. He could almost feel it on his tongue, and the combined sensation was making him feel dizzy. “Besides, I know already how it was like before you. And I know it was terrible.”
He felt as Ace’s body tensed under him at the words.
Another, single tear dripped down Luffy’s cheek. He pressed his mouth into a tight line, trying to blink back any more tears. Ace watched him for a moment, then sighed again — this time with much more resignation audible in it.
“Is it about the bonfire?”
“No.”
“Luffy— I told you, you’ve still got time. I’m sure they’ll start approaching you soon enough. You’ll grow up, get a bit taller and believe me, you’ll be missing the times you were able to walk anywhere without getting stared at–,”
“I don’t care about that!” Luffy said harshly, his barely-contained frustration making his voice sound rough and pathetically high-pitched. Ace cut off abruptly to blink down at him, visibly taken aback.
“What is it, then?”
Luffy swallowed with effort, feeling as his lower lip started to tremble. He wanted to make sense of the mess of emotions and thoughts in his head, to at least try and make Ace understand.
He thought of the girl draped over Ace’s arm — how Luffy was positioned in a similar way against Ace, except. Ace didn’t seem bored by him, or visibly uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, with the way he was fully relaxed beneath Luffy, his warm palm resting lightly against the back of Luffy’s neck and his thumb continuing to stroke the short hairs at Luffy’s nape. Like all of it wasn’t even a conscious action, like it was just something Ace was doing instinctively, trying to console him.
And yet.
During the past few weeks Ace had chosen other people’s company over Luffy’s.
There had to be something else. Something that still remained beyond Luffy’s reach.
“W-would you,” he began, just to stop when a hiccup teared through him. He took a shaky breath to help his head clear a little, because all the crying had been making him feel lightheaded, “would you. Spend more time with me if I was a girl?”
There was a deep frown on Ace’s face when he looked down at Luffy. His eyes seemed much more clear and lucid than before. With body too exhausted to object, Luffy didn’t even protest when Ace gently peeled him off his chest, grabbed him by his arms and pushed him away enough to look him straight in the eye.
“Luffy. What kind of question is that?”
Luffy just shrugged helplessly, casting his gaze downwards, unable to withstand Ace’s concerned eyes staring down at him. He wished he at least had his hat with him, so he could pull it down over his face to hide the permanent wetness in his eyes. It had been left on the other side of the crumpled blankets and Ace held him too tightly for Luffy to be able to twist out of his grip and reach for it.
Ace’s fingers pressed painfully into the soft, rubbery skin of Luffy’s arms. “I spend plenty of time with you. I’m spending time with you right now. What even made you think that? ”
“It's just—,” Luffy sniffled again, then lifted a hand to rub at his eye with the base of his palm. It didn’t help at all, other than make his vision even more blurry. “You keep saying you’re not going anywhere yet. I wanted to do things with you, while you’re still around, b-but you. Already keep leaving me behind, and even when we go out together, it’s like I’m not even there with you and—,”
“Luffy, come on,” Ace said. It was obvious in the way his voice broke a little that Luffy’s words hurt him. “I’ve spent years with you. I don’t have a devil fruit, it’s not like the sea will swallow me whole. We’ve been over this, you’ll set sail soon, too. Three years is nothing, you won’t even notice how quickly it’s going to pass. We’ll see each other out there in no time.”
And it was true — the first half of it, at least. Luffy had spent a larger portion of his life with Ace than he had without him. The way he was now: how strong he had become, how self-reliant, how proficient he was at hunting, skinning and portioning the meat of animals was all thanks to Ace’s guidance. Hell, probably half of Luffy’s developing personality was just a direct copy of Ace’s, the rest being a cheap mock-up of Shanks’, with only some of the innate Monkey D. behaviors being shoved in somewhere deep and barely present, despite Gramp’s best efforts to make a marine out of him.
Three years were everything but nothing. Over the past couple of weeks, Luffy had experienced a fair share of how it was like without having Ace near and frankly — that was enough to make him dread the time Ace would eventually leave and not come back for good. It was like the best summer of his life coming to an end and while it didn’t even end yet, he couldn’t help but miss it already, wasting the days while it still lasted.
There was no doubt that the moment Ace left, he would assemble himself a crew: make new friends, find himself a new family, then fight mighty foes and explore places where no man had ever set foot before him.
And Luffy would be all alone, once again.
“How can I know you won’t forget about me,” Luffy hiccuped, anxiously tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth. Tears blurred his vision at the overwhelming, suffocating prospect of loneliness weighing him down like an old, rusted anchor.
“Why would I forget about you,” Ace shook him by his shoulders — gently, but the frustration seeped through the gesture anyway. “Luffy, you’re my brother.”
He paused, dipped his head a little so they were both on the same eye level. Ace searched Luffy’s face to prompt him to meet his gaze, and Luffy — despite the tears that dripped down his cheeks again, stubbornly stared back. Ace remained silent for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin, tense line.
“I wouldn’t be able to forget you even if my life depended on it. You know you’re the only reason why I even bothered with it all.”
Luffy nodded his head weakly, trembling all over despite Ace’s vice-like grip on him.
Is it easy for you when I’m around?
Would it be hard without me?
Of course he knew that. Luffy wasn’t stupid, despite what people tended to think about him. He was able to recognize signs of pain and distress, and he’d been around Ace long enough to notice when things were wrong even if Ace didn’t want to show it. He knew Ace wasn’t… fine, sometimes, but he also knew that he was, somehow, one of the main reasons that made Ace rethink how much his life was worth in the first place.
Especially after Sabo’s death.
He just hoped Ace had some idea by now how much his existence had been and still remained just as crucial to Luffy’s own survival. It seemed unlikely, though — based on his recent observations Ace probably remained unaware of the absolute, gut-wrenching terror that overwhelmed Luffy at the sheer thought of being left behind by him. He was supposed to be the one Ace looked after, spent time with, did all sorts of things. He had already been present during a myriad of Luffy’s firsts — injuries, blood drawn and spilled, wins, loses, kills, life-changing and near-death experiences… Luffy was the one Ace feel asleep next to, who he shared meals and body heat with, who Ace called him his brother.
The vow they shared, apart living a life without regrets, involved a promise of nothing and no one ever tearing them apart, and yet…
Some kind of a girl had no issues with doing just that.
Ace was still looking at him with concern, visibly at loss at how to further console him.
And then his grip on Luffy’s arms loosened, and Luffy suddenly felt as panic surged through him: Ace was leaving, Ace was leaving him, he’s had enough—
“Prove it, then,” Luffy said out of pure desperation, and it was — pathetic, at best, a purely selfish and petulant behavior that in any other circumstance would get him a whack over the head and an annoyed roll of Ace’s gray eyes.
He should be better than that, he knew as much, but panic fueled distress and it felt like after years by Ace’s side his brain was simply unable to process a situation where Ace was suddenly not there.
Ace didn’t leave him just yet. He stroked his thumbs over the jutting, bird-like bones where Luffy’s clavicles and shoulder joints met, and though there was still the thin, worn material of Luffy’s t-shirt separating them, Luffy still couldn’t help but shiver. Ace didn’t look annoyed. He just seemed… confused.
“Prove what? That you’re my brother? Luffy I literally just told you you’re the most important thing I have. We’ve drank sake together, don’t you remember–,”
The image of the girl pressing her entire face into Ace’s appeared clear and vivid in Luffy’s memory once more, still just as painful, still feeling like it was mocking him somehow. His mouth felt bitter and dry like ash, and he struggled to swallow around it.
It was all so terribly unfair.
Luffy would never call Ace a liar, even though he lied a lot. They both did — to Dadan, to other bandits, to the men they robbed in broad daylight.
Ace never had any reason to lie to Luffy, though.
Did something change, then? Didn’t actions speak louder than words?
“Would you kiss me,” Luffy blurted out, before he could bite his tongue. His heart trashed inside his chest like a small, terrified mammal caught in a snare, threatening to jump out of his throat any second now. He registered Ace’s eyes widening to the point they almost resembled Sabo’s in shape, and yet, for some stupid reason, Luffy just couldn’t make himself shut up. “Like you kissed that girl. Show me that I’m just as important to you as her.”
For a moment, there was nothing but heavy silence and the sound of Luffy’s quickened, shallow breathing.
He valiantly tried to hold Ace’s gaze, but Ace was just left frozen in place, looking at him wordlessly. His eyes remained wide — Luffy could easily see the shock in them at first, before his expression turned conflicted, slightly distressed even, like he wasn’t sure if he had heard Luffy correctly.
There was no sign of understanding nor acceptance on his face, though. Quite the opposite.
Luffy felt shame and dread overcome him, claw at his stomach and his throat, making him nauseous all over again. His chest seemed too tight, like his ribs suddenly wouldn’t allow his lungs to expand and it simply hurt to draw breath. There was no denying anymore — was such a useless, weak thing, ruining one thing after another because of his selfishness.
Ace didn’t even blink, he simply stared at Luffy with eyes wide open and body unmoving. Luffy just desperately wanted him to do something, anything: hit him over the head and tell him to stop saying weird shit, throw him out of the treehouse so he had to spend the night on the cold dewy grass below it — because maybe it was what Luffy deserved, for acting like the worst brother. The self-disgust overwhelmed him like a tidal wave and at that point maybe it would just be better if he removed himself from the treehouse anyway, without Ace telling him to. It was the least he could do, because it was no wonder Ace just didn’t want to spent time with someone like him anymore.
He turned to scramble to his feet, flinching away from Ace’s persistent grip on his shoulders. His body was shaking all over like he was developing a fever, and his vision blurred with even more tears, making him barely see anything when he reached blindly to grab his hat.
He felt Ace let go of his arms. It was his only opportunity to get rid of himself, and he desperately tried to muster enough strength to push himself back onto his unsteady legs and bolt.
And then there were warm, dry hands bracketing his face, pulling him back onto the floorboards, and before Luffy could even register what was going on, Ace’s mouth was on his: soft, delicate, and oh so warm that Luffy couldn’t help but whimper quietly with how overwhelming it felt, like submerging fully into a hot bath after a day out in the cold, or the first gulp of a delicious stew after hours spent on an empty stomach…
It wasn’t even anything too bold. Ace had kissed him before a few, rare times — on top of his head, or his temple, usually. Except this time it actually somewhat resembled the way that girl kissed him, with Ace’s closed mouth pressed tightly to his, and Luffy was too terrified to ruin it further to ask for anything more.
It was just as sweet, just as gentle as any other instance they had shown affection towards each other. Luffy was still trembling all over, and he realized abruptly that Ace’s hands were shaking too. He was holding Luffy’s face like he was holding something delicate, precious, like he once cradled a small, stranded duckling to carry it from a drying puddle to where the rest of its siblings were waiting.
And just like that: all the fear, all the doubts, all the bitter, bubbling jealousy that had been stewing inside him for days — gone, replaced by the overwhelming, soothing warmth of his brother’s arms surrounding him, and the steady, gentle press of Ace’s mouth against his.
It lasted for long seconds; Luffy didn’t dare to even breathe, until Ace eventually pulled just a few inches back, before immediately pressing his forehead to Luffy’s, while they both gasped for air, breathing hard into each other, both of them shaking.
“Luffy,” Ace said. His lips brushed Luffy’s cheek, featherlight. “Do you believe me now. How much I care about you. How I would always choose you, over anyone or anything else.”
Luffy nodded reverently. He shifted in Ace’s lap until his thighs bracketed Ace’s waist from both sides and he was able to face him fully. He threw his arms around Ace’s shoulders and clung to him tightly, like he used to do every time Ace waded with him into the shallow, coastal waters on hot days — except this time, the only saltwater around him were the tears dripping down his cheeks in a constant, steady stream.
He was all wet and gross from all the crying but Ace didn’t seem to even notice. Luffy nuzzled his nose against Ace’s cheek kittenishly, and Ace ducked his head a little so it was easier for Luffy to reach him, then reciprocated the gesture with equal softness and affection.
“I’ve already chosen you,” Luffy said. The admission was punctured by a wet hiccup half-way through it, which only earned him another gentle press of lips against the tip of his snotty nose, “and I would do it again. Every time.”
Ace hummed in acknowledgement. They were pressed so close to each other that Luffy could easily feel how the deep sound reverberated through Ace’s chest. It reminded Luffy of how some cats tended to purr, when he stroked their furry heads just right.
“I didn’t realize it would affect you this much,” Ace confessed, lifting a hand to rub his thumb across Luffy’s tear-streaked cheek, “knowing all the things you seem not to care about, I guess I just never took you for the jealous type.”
“I don’t really have anyone else to be jealous of,” Luffy mumbled in return. There was still a somewhat hurt expression on his face, but he tilted his head into Ace’s hand nevertheless. His eyes found Ace’s half-lidded, affectionate gaze. “You’re all I have.”
Ace gave him a small smile, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. He looked somber suddenly, as if some kind of a painful memory crossed his mind: it wasn’t hard to assume he was probably reminded of the last time Luffy told him the same thing y— years ago, when Sabo had still been around, and Luffy had almost gotten himself beaten to death, just because dying at that time seemed like a better outcome than losing the almost non-existent chance of becoming Ace’s and Sabo’s friend.
His brother closed his eyes, letting out a drawn-out exhale. When he opened them again, there was a weird, somewhat regretful sheen to them.
“I know,” he said earnestly, “I’m sorry.”
He sighed again, then leaned in, pressing his mouth to Luffy’s fringe-covered forehead.
“I’ll wait for you, if you want. Until you’re old enough and we can get out of here together.”
Before Ace could even finish the sentence, Luffy shook his head rapidly. There was very little he’d want more than Ace staying with him until they could set sail together — but that wasn’t the point.
“Don’t say that. I would never stand between you and your dream.”
Ace smiled at him — softly, kind of sadly. He traced the scar underneath Luffy’s left eye with his thumb, wiping the tears that clung stubbornly to the ends of his wet eyelashes.
“Come find me, then. Once you set sail, come after me. I’ll probably have a pretty well-known, sizable crew by then — I’ll give you a head start.”
Luffy nodded weakly, feeling his lower lip wobble again. He bit hard into it, trying to somehow keep himself from crumbling apart yet again. Almost as if on an instinct, he lifted up a hand, touching the side of Ace’s face carefully — just to distract himself with something physical from all the feelings and emotions inside him that he still couldn’t tell apart. He watched as Ace leaned into the touch immediately — fully trusting, with something akin to reverence, and Luffy’s heart swelled at the sight of all the affection in which his brother looked back at him.
His fingertips grazed Ace’s long eyelashes and Ace let his eyes fall closed, tilting his head downwards a little to allow Luffy an easier access. It made Luffy feel a sudden urge to map the slant of his eyebrows, the curve of his cheekbones, all the freckles on Ace’s face: memorize all his features by heart, so he could recognize them anywhere, anytime. By sight, by smell, by touch alone, no matter how many years would pass and no matter how many things would change between them.
So he did just that.
With gentle, careful fingertips, he traced in wonder every single line, every stretch of tanned skin, every mark that the sun had inflicted upon his brother’s skin.
And Ace had nothing but endless patience for him in return – he kept watching Luffy with his eyes half-closed, seemingly unwilling to let him off his sight for too long, with his breath gradually slowing and evening out, as he let Luffy touch him everywhere and as much as he wanted.
Luffy’s fingers traced the gentle bow of Ace’s thin lips, and Ace parted them a little for him — almost insinctively, like all it took was the lightest of Luffy’s touches to make him submit fully.
Luffy felt saliva pool in his mouth.
He leaned in slowly, carefully, holding Ace’s face with both of his hands, trying to mimic the way Ace held him before.
Luffy hesitated for a moment, stopping just an inch away from Ace — then without thinking much longer, he pressed his mouth into Ace’s, and Ace shuddered all over, exhaling into the kiss, like it was just as pleasurable for him as it was to Luffy. Like there was nothing else in the world for him than Luffy, right there in his arms.
And what initially started just as an innocent, uncoordinated press of lips, eventually turned into something more purposeful, as Ace took hold of Luffy’s chin to angle him better, so his smaller, thicker lip could fit in between Ace’s thinner ones. He pressed his fingers into the soft, supple skin of Luffy’s cheeks, digging in between his molars from the outside until Luffy’s mouth fell open in a displeased whine. It was apparently exactly what Ace wanted, as he promptly used the opportunity to slide his tongue into the narrow space between Luffy’s palate and Luffy’s own, smaller tongue — it wasn’t long until the displeasure melted into bliss, with both of them moaning breathily into each other’s mouths.
It was slow, unhurried, messy and wet. Luffy quickly caught on, learning on the go what felt the most pleasant, and Ace let him suck and nibble on his tongue all he wanted, then on his lower lip too, once he retreated the tongue. Luffy doubted it was what proper kissing was supposed to be like. It felt way too wet, even for him, and way too noisy — but he had never cared for proper. It was also the best thing he had ever experienced, and also the closest he had even been to Ace.
The concept of sex wasn’t entirely unknown to him; he had been observing wildlife for long enough to know where their babies came from. He had also been around bandits almost all his life, so he had plenty of opportunities to hear that sex was supposed to be the third pillar of living, alongside food and drink. He was pretty sure the bandits must’ve been mistaken, though — because it was almost impossible for him to imagine anything more delightful, anything more comforting, anything better than the feeling of Ace’s arms holding him, his lips, the warmth of his mouth or the steady, rapid beat of his heart. Luffy could easily feel it thump against his own chest, with only the thin linen of their shirts separating their bodies from each other.
It still somehow… didn’t feel enough.
Despite that, Luffy would never ask his brother for anything more.
But if he could only want one more thing from Ace… It would be to let him crawl inside his chest and fill up the remaining space inside his ribcage, close to his lungs and heart, like a spare organ but equally as important. He’d want nothing but to stay there for the rest of their lives and let Ace take him whenever he went.
And since that was impossible... Luffy decided he would just as well be content with the second closest thing, which was to stay like this, for now. As physically close to Ace as he could possibly get.
With all that he had overheard from the bandits, Luffy was somewhat aware that kissing often served as a… preamble, of some kind, to sex. Whatever the two of them were doing though, didn’t feel like it was leading anywhere, though.
And Luffy was perfectly fine with that.
Kissing Ace felt like something he was always meant to do. It felt the same way hugging did, or sharing body warmth at night, or sharing food and utensils and clothes – except this time it was the air that they shared, the warmth of their lips, and the spit on their tongues. It didn’t feel strange, or particularly new – exhilarating, yes, but underneath that it was more like… An extension, of what they already were before.
It felt right. Comforting. Like just another way of showing affection.
Luffy rested his forehead against Ace’s, spit-slicked mouths just inches away from each other, inhaling the same warm, humid air. Their chests expanded and contracted in the same breath, almost like two parts of the same mechanism. Luffy’s face was hot all over, as if it got sunburnt, somehow. Suddenly feeling bashful, he smushed his nose into Ace’s cheek as if to hide himself, and almost immediately felt as Ace’s lips stretched into a smile, where they was pressed against the soft, thin skin of Luffy’s undereye.
Luffy knew he was selfish. He knew there were things that he was simply unable to have. But despite that, what was wrong with wanting them still?
Ace pressed his lips against the scar under Luffy’s left eye, then kissed his cheek lightly, then his temple and ear like he just couldn’t get enough, holding the side of Luffy’s face with his palm, while his other hand stroked gently though Luffy’s hair.
Luffy found himself shivering all over again. It wasn’t the cold that bothered him – he was never cold when Ace was around. Quite the opposite. It was the overwhelming feeling of warmth and safety, of bone-deep affection, of loving with his whole being and being loved in return. For a moment, he couldn’t help but think that he had no idea how he was going to survive without Ace – he would wilt, surely, in coldness and boredom, like sunflowers wilt without the loving warmth of sunlight.
But Ace wasn’t leaving just yet – and Luffy had the solid, physical proof of that right in front of him.
He pulled back a little, only to tilt his head slightly and press his mouth against Ace’s once more; and Ace met him halfway, the corners of his mouth turning upwards, before he parted his lips to let Luffy lick inside eagerly.
Ace brought them to wall of the treehouse and rested his back against it, with Luffy snug in his lap and hands never straying too far from each other. They ended up kissing some more, throughout most of the night, and when at some point both of them got tired – Luffy wrung out from staying up for so long, in addition to all the tears he had shed and all the emotional stress he had put himself under – Ace laid them both down, making sure Luffy was comfortable enough with his head pillowed on Ace’s chest.
He kissed Luffy’s forehead and each of his eyelids for better measure, and Luffy giggled in delight despite the sleepiness that was quickly overcoming him.
“Aceeee,” he managed out breathily between the giggles. It only got him another kiss in return.
“It’s ‘cause I never want you to doubt that I’ll always remember you, alright?” Ace told him, kissing his lips sweetly once more, “No matter where I’ll be, you’ll be always on my mind. Don’t forget that.”
He wrapped them both in the discarded blankets, keeping Luffy close to himself the entire time. He tucked Luffy’s head under his chin and buried his nose into Luffy’s hair, and Luffy in turn snaked his hands underneath Ace’s shirt, instinctively seeking the places where his skin was the warmest. His brother held him tight against himself: skin to skin, heart to heart, like a two-bodied, eight-limbed organism, that somehow managed to exist in perfect symbiosis despite all its oddities and differences.
Safe in his brother’s arms, Luffy found himself drifting off in no time. Before sleep had fully overtaken him, just at the edge of his consciousness: a memory crossed his mind, how Sabo had once told him that certain snakes could eat pray twice their size and then nothing at all for months and still, somehow, live.
So for as long as Ace was still with him, Luffy would simply have to get his fill. No matter what happened, or where their future adventures would take them – he had no doubts they would meet again afterwards.
After all, his brother had always wanted to see him become King of the Pirates.
***