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The burning fire in his gut started off when a woman– probably around late in her 20s– draped her arm over Minhyung’s shoulder on their way to the hotel.
It was a quick ministration, most likely interpreted as a civil gesture if perceived by his teammates. The woman probably did not mean anything but mere hospitality as well, but Minseok. Minseok–
He is not by any means a jealous partner. He would rather assess the situation and understand people’s adoration for Minhyung as he also shares the same sentiment. There is an unspoken security between their connection that wouldn't be shaken nor disrupted by any sort of threat from external parties.
But today is different.
The ever-so composed Minseok in public felt immense agitation upon seeing the contact.
That’s my lover. Why are you touching him?
That was what ignited the wick of his raging jealousy.
The moment they arrived in their respective hotel rooms, Minseok’s mood was still not any better. There is a firm crease adorning his forehead and the curve of his lips is projected downward. He also barely greeted everyone he meets, save for tiny bows of respect. His passive-aggressive mood persists, somehow.
The first one to notice his mood is, of course, Minhyung – who is very much attuned to Minseok’s variety of emotions. Minhyung, who is capable of figuring out his feelings before he even figures himself out.
So, the slightest shift in Minseok's mood is already enough to send multiple alerts on Minhyung’s head.
Minhyung mirrored Minseok’s actions while he keenly observed the younger, his eyes diverting to Minseok’s frame almost every minute while they were fixing all their necessities onto the bedside table and tiny vanity: shoes and towels are placed and folded neatly and all other stuff are kept on nooks they belong to.
It is when Minseok pivots to bed that Minhyung halts his actions. Minseok could feel Minhyung’s gaze as he approached the younger, but he pretended to not notice as he plugged his phone on the bedside socket and sat on the edge of their bed.
Minhyung– in his gentlest and most tender form, slid in next to the younger. He could feel Minhyung trying to muster coherent words, almost as if he is too afraid to worsen Minseok’s mood.
Minseok waited for the other to say something, question or interrogation of any sort, but all Minhyung did was to gently take his hand on his– the warmth of his lover seeping through his own skin as Minhyung intertwined their fingers together.
Minhyung, then, closed the inches between their bodies as he placed his chin on top of Minseok’s shoulder. And Minseok–
He wanted to cry.
There is an unspoken vulnerability between the two of them whenever Minhyung– the very same Minhyung with head up high all too confidently– slumps his shoulder and cowers to meet the size of Minseok’s figure. All too bare and vulnerable and so, so attentive to Minseok's emotions.
“I’m sorry..” Minhyung started off softly. His fingers are still idly rubbing Minseok’s palm. Minseok took this gesture as his way of calming him down. “Didn’t know the airport was going to be that stressful, I could have done something to protect you.”
Every inch of Minseok’s body instantly deflates at his lover’s words. Minseok wasn’t aware of all the tension he had accumulated, and Minhyung’s words– always sure do wonders to bleed out every exhaustion out of his system. Even the candle of his roaring jealousy blew off and all he can think of is succumbing to rest with his lover.
Minseok carded his unrestricted fingers on Minhyung’s hair, gently playing with his hair as an act of reciprocity with the latter’s action. A fair share of his own vulnerability and gentle love. “It’s alright, it happens.”
They stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Minhyung was rubbing and drawing shapes on his palm and his face gently tucked on the younger’s neck whilst Minseok was carding his fingers on Minhyung’s scalp and playing with his hair. This is how Minhyung tames his lover.
There were no other words uttered between the two of them, just comfortable silence blanketing the atmosphere as they pondered on the series of events that took place that day.
It is Minhyung who pulled away after a couple of minutes, leaving Minseok inwardly sulking at the loss of contact.
Minhyung shifted his body adjacent to Minseok so he can stare intently at the younger. For a moment, Minhyung studied his face with a fond smile on his face before planting a soft kiss on Minseok’s forehead.
“Do you want to take a bath first?”
”Can we not take a bath? I’m so tired.” Minseok’s face contorted into a combination of puppy eyes and a huge pout before he dramatically bemoaned in faux sadness as he slumped his body on Minhyung’s, which elicited a giggle from the older.
Minhyung patted his back in consolation before pulling away. “I’m gonna take a bath first. Then I’ll fill up the tub with hot water for you, alright?” In which Minseok agreed with a tiny pout still playing on his lips.
Minseok’s gaze followed Minhyung’s retreating figure heading to the shower. He almost couldn't believe he landed a man that is as gentle and attentive as his lover. More often than not, the thought that he does not deserve the entirety of this man plagues his mind, but Minhyung has proven time and again that all of his love to give is solely what Minseok deserves. A love that listens, a love that nurtures, a love that persists.
-
“Do you think we can go to Haidilao after today’s schedule? Would that be possible?” Minseok settled beside their manager, which earned a curious gaze from Sanghyeok, who was also seated beside him at the mention of his favorite restaurant.
“Right, would they permit us?”
The suggestion of the two pro-players had their manager checking on their current schedule– perhaps just practice the entire day, Minseok assumes.
“We will be done by 9 in the evening after your scrimmage, if you have nothing else to do then we can go.”
Minseok nods to their manager in affirmation before diverting his eyes on his surroundings.
Chengdu’s weather is so far relatively similar to Korea’s, only a tiny bit warmer and more humid. Still, that particular change in weather and his environment does something to Minseok’s mood, rendering him incapable of exerting much energy than he usually does.
He was pulled out of his reverie when a sudden influx of people gathered around them, scripts and cameras on their hands. The fanmeet is probably about to start, he assumes so.
What he did not expect is a certain figure being surrounded by a couple of women – touching and flinging their hands on his lover.
His agitation was further fueled by the sight of Minhyung not even flinching and not even taking a step back from all the people surrounding him. Minseok glowered even worse, silently hoping that Minhyung would meet his line of sight– but he didn’t, and the conversation he cannot bring himself to hear continued.
Minseok had sullenly eaten his own words. Maybe his jealousy hasn’t dissipated at all.
The once glowing embers dormant in his stomach had turned into a roaring fire violently consuming him upon seeing a lot of people (women, specifically) forcibly striking up a conversation with Minhyung.
Forcibly. Minseok begrudgingly muses.
It’s not that it is Minhyung’s fault to be annoyingly tall and good-looking. It is not his fault that he carries a conversation with a confident demeanor either. None of these are Minhyung’s fault, really – Minseok knows that in his very rational mind. But he needs something– someone to blame for his annoyance, and that happens to be Minhyung himself.
His face sours even worse at his train of thought. He doesn’t really want to rationalize his emotions nor to understand whatever he is feeling right now. In an attempt to push the gnawing feeling aside, he turned his back against Minhyung’s direction and diverted his attention elsewhere.
Which brought him in this complicated predicament.
The fanmeet for their second day in Chengdu has a specific segment that was given by the management based on the pre-planned script, and one of them is to play ARAM. In the very unfortunate circumstance, Minhyung and him happen to be on the same team, too.
Minseok’s internal conflict was kept at bay and his mood is visibly obvious to everyone, much to his demise. It’s not like he is not trying to mask it, it is just whatever he intensely feels can be very apparent on his facial features.
In his defense, the accumulated adversaries they have encountered prior to this event has taken its toll on his capabilities to keep his façade. Aside from his jealousy, of course.
He knows his entire team have noticed his internal turmoil given that silent concerned glances are already thrown at him, some of them probably were wishing to get his shit together because they will be publicly interacting with fans.
Minseok knows what he has to do, he’s just not emotionally prepared to confront his emotions just yet, so he decided he should do the trick of every existing emotionally constipated individuals –
He ought to avoid Minhyung for the entire day.
Few minutes before the fanmeet started, Minseok’s instincts had already jumped into action. He faux beamed at Wooje and instantly attached himself unto his younger teammate. Wooje, on the other hand, knew that he knew better than to pry on Minseok’s business, so he just allowed the elder to indulge himself in his presence.
Minseok without Minhyung means serious business. Nobody in their team separates the duo, so their youngest figured that he should just go with the flow to spare himself.
What makes his plan hard to execute is that he knows Minhyung would attempt to address the unspoken distance. Knowing Minhyung like the back of his hand puts him in both advantage and disadvantage – he knows how Minhyung would approach him, so he is capable of navigating through to avoid him for the former, and he knows Minhyung is also suffering for the latter.
He doesn’t want Minhyung to suffer with his inability to communicate his feelings, but the thought of confronting his feelings and actually admitting that he is jealous is much more tedious for him to do. So he kept his time-ticking bomb of jealousy tucked in his chest.
On the other hand, Minhyung knew something was wrong the moment he didn't find his support beside him right before the fanmeet started. Usually he’d find Minseok playing with his arm or invading his personal space as his way of showing affection. But there was no one beside him at that moment.
Minhyung’s eyes scanned the room in search of the younger – only to find him talking to Wooje animatedly.
Minseok seemingly noticed Minhyung’s approaching presence because he slipped out of his sight and onto the way leading to the bathroom without even excusing himself from the conversation.
“He’s definitely avoiding you, hyung.” Wooje absentmindedly muses, eyes still fixated on Minseok’s disappearing figure.
Minhyung ran his fingers on his hair frustratedly. “He’s been like that since last night, I don’t know what’s going on.”
Wooje could only pat Minhyung’s back in sympathy before mumbling, “I’ll take care of Minseok hyung for the meantime, but please settle this. It’s ugly seeing you two on polar sides.”
The fanmeet started without any hiccups. Fans who have gathered to meet them cheered loudly as they introduced themselves, notably even louder when Gumayusi introduced himself. The place roared with loud screams as the ADC took his turn.
Minseok’s stomach churned in familiar emotion. Still, he tried his best to keep his public façade in place.
Short interviews were made then it is finally the segment he dreads – he doesn't only get to play ARAM with Minhyung beside him, he even has to share an entire screen with his ADC.
A not-jealous Minseok would have loved this. He silently snickered to himself. As much as he doesn't speak of his likings towards close proximities with his lover, it is probably already established in his being that he loves it whenever Minhyung is near.
Today, again, is an exception.
Minhyung had already seated on one of the chairs assigned for the bot duo when he approached their table. He knows Minhyung knows his current disposition, the silent treatment reigning loudly between the two of them.
Still, Minhyung asks gently as he points to the seat beside him, “Do you want to sit on the left? Or do I sit here? Where are you comfortable?”
God did Minseok want to cry right then and there.
Minhyung should be mad at him, or even upset at the very least. He should be hostile with Minseok knowing he’s being subjected yet again to Minseok’s passive-aggressive mood, but he didn’t, and it made Minseok’s chest burn with horrifying guilt.
Minseok clenched his jaw in an attempt to hide his emotions threatening to crash over his resolve. He cleared his throat before firmly answering, “The support’s account is logged in here, so. You sit on the left side.”
Minhyung obeyed without any complaints, swiftly changing his seat to accommodate Minseok’s demands.
The atmosphere between the two of them remained thick as they waited for everyone to settle down so they could finally start the game. Minhyung still kept on trying to strike a conversation, asking vague questions about the game (that he knew he could answer by himself), the new MSI patch, the meta change, and the likes.
Minseok doesn’t know if he’s doing it to appease the public that nothing’s happened wrong with them, or if he genuinely wants to talk to Minseok – but Minseok finds himself having a hard time responding to him. He knows just how much of an ass he’s appearing in front of the camera at that moment.
The game ended on draw and fair note. Minseok hasn’t retracted from his gaming chair that fast and attached himself to Wooje that fast before. His initial attempt to give Minhyung a silent treatment is immensely backfiring at him, the slightest shuffle and mumble from Minhyung makes him shrink in guilt – and he needs to get away as fast as he can.
The entirety of the fanmeet went by too fast to Minseok’s likings. He could not even process barely half of the segment yet but they were already saying goodbyes and wishes for the tournament.
He sighs to himself. He’s done a good job putting up a front today, but he dreads to know just how much damage he had inflicted to his relationship with Minhyung. He doesn’t think he wants to know either.
-
Minseok took a rain check on every supposed plan they had that day after their official schedule, insisting he does not feel well and he needed a physical break before hectic their days. So, by 10PM, he was already cocooned on their shared bed as he tried to sort his thoughts and process emotions he repressed for the entire day.
Between the two of them, and contrary to popular belief, Minseok has always been the one to be subjected to jealousy. He’s not exactly the jealous type, per se. But he can get jealous, a feeling that Minhyung often jokes about – but in reality, he rarely does so. Minseok knows that Minhyung knows to himself that he is treating the younger right with all of him, and that makes him secured and confident as his partner.
Minseok, on the other hand, is a walking labyrinth. His teammates often call him a paradox, always too confusing, contrasting, and contradicting. Nobody in a short period of time could ever understand the paradox Minseok is, and even as other people attempt to do so – some of them have given up on their pursuit as they deem Minseok unworthy to be unraveled.
That fact alone made Minhyung stand out from every people he has met before, most especially as a candidate for a love interest when they weren’t together yet.
Minhyung is a whirlpool of confidence.
He knows what he wants and he knows exactly how to get them, even in the most tedious way possible. He believes Minhyung can move mountains if he strongly wants so: with his intimidatingly broad figure towering over everyone, Minseok admittedly had initial prejudice that Minhyung is just another man with airy arrogance and nothing to prove himself with.
He eventually proved himself wrong, and as he confidently trudged towards the labyrinth Minseok is, he also unknowingly took the younger’s heart with him.
Minseok snapped out of his reverie when his hotel door beeped and his lover’s figure appeared in sight – the taller’s hair slightly disheveled and his face slightly pink. A clear indication that he had a drink or two.
Minhyung gently smiled at him, and the all-too-familiar burn on Minseok’s chest is back. Despite the discomfort it brings, he still reciprocated the taller’s smile before asking, “Had a good dinner?” to which the latter hummed in affirmation as he removed his shoes and dropped his bag down on the floor.
The younger untangled himself from the cocoon of blankets as he sits up straight. He hesitated for a couple of seconds. “Minhyung, can we talk?”
Minhyung blinked at him a couple of times before approaching the bed– footsteps firm and certain. Minhyung dipped his head to meet the level of Minseok’s eyes before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. “Of course, baby. I’ll take a bath first to wash off the liquor then we’ll talk, would that be alright?”
And oh, Minseok’s heart swells over the tenderness of his lover’s voice. He feels small – in a positive way. The way Minhyung treats him like a fragile glass whenever he appears vulnerable unknowingly makes Minseok submit to the older. His walls and resolve are long gone.
Minseok swung his arm over Minhyung's nape as he chased the older’s lips. “I love you.” Minseok softly mumbled, to which Minhyung reciprocated with a giggle and crinkled smile adorning his face. “I love you more.”
Minhyung stepped out of the shower 20 minutes after, wearing comfortable sweatpants and an old baggy shirt. His hair is still dripping water from its tip to the back of his head, his musky vanilla scent also flooded their hotel room.
Minseok doesn’t need to be asked. He took Minhyung’s hair towel and shifted his weight so he can tower over the older and dry his hair for him.
The ministration feels oddly intimate to Minseok. Perhaps there is an existing tenderness in doing something for someone you love despite their full capabilities of doing it themselves. I love you, let me do it for you.
Both of them settled on the bed after Minseok had dried his hair. Minhyung looked over at the younger, who was seemingly lost in his thoughts once again.
If you’d ask Minhyung just how much he loves Minseok, he’d just probably laugh and shake his head. To him, love is a multitude of all coexisting emotions – it is never to be defined with certainty nor restraint.
Devotion is his first name; time and again he has proven that the only person he’d worship is Minseok.
Minhyung knew that his lover was going through an internal turmoil that day. If the avoidance did not speak enough, it is the lingering gaze burning right through Minhyung’s head whenever Minseok assumed that the other wasn’t looking. It is also the hesitation and slight tumble over his words whenever Minhyung tries to converse with him. All of those aren’t really Minseok, so he figured he should give time to process his emotions.
He diverted his attention on the younger, and that action made the other look back at him. There were no words spoken between them, but Minhyung already had Minseok figured out like the back of his hand.
Minhyung smiled at Minseok softly as he opened his arms – an open invitation to morph their body into one. Minseok gave him a small timid smile before shuffling towards the older, hands wrapping around his body.
The weight of the world dissipated from Minseok’s shoulder the moment Minhyung enclosed him in his arms. The chaos in his head had been silenced and the churning feeling in his gut was long gone.
Perhaps this is what gentle love is like. Minseok thought.
Minseok basked in Minhyung's scent and body warmth for a couple of minutes before detaching himself from the hug. Words couldn't find him, still, so he just tugged Minhyung down to bed to lie down with him.
The moment they lied down, Minhyung took the initiative to scoop Minseok in his arms – the ache to hold the younger violently persisting on his stomach. It doesn’t feel enough for Minhyung, no amount of closeness does, and he wants– he wants more of Minseok.
He wants Minseok’s intoxicating presence to drive him to insanity. The innermost carnal part of his brain aches to devour the younger, to claim him entirely as his until the monster in him is satiated.
But Minseok is his own person– and the least Minhyung could do for him is to love him gently, tenderly. It is the only way Minhyung knows to keep Minseok in his arms.
“Are you mad?” Minseok mumbled against his chest, snapping him out of his train of thought.
Minhyung heaves a sigh as he tightens his grip against the younger, a silent affirmation that he isn’t. “No, I’m not. There’s no reason to be.”
“But I was ignoring you.”
“I know you have a valid reason to.”
He could feel Minseok gripping his shirt on his palm. “Why aren’t you mad?”
“Because I’m not, and I understand.”
“You’re supposed to be mad.”
Minhyung, albeit not wanting to let him go, cautiously unwrapped himself around Minseok so he could take a look at his face.
With a gentle hand, he cupped the side of his lover’s face as he stared at him intently. His gaze travels along Minseok’s furrowed eyebrows, down to his curious eyes, his soft nose, and his lips– which is obviously nibbled on in anxiety.
Minseok is just so, so pretty. And Minhyung couldn't bear the thought of even feeling a tiny spark of anger towards him.
“But I’m not.”
”Why?”
”I love you, that's why.”
Minseok whined in sheer annoyance as he buried his face on Minhyung’s chest again. “Why are you never angry at me?”
“I told you. I love you, and I understand.”
The younger hesitated for a moment before he mumbled with less coherence, “I was jealous.”
“There were a lot of people approaching you earlier, and you were so engrossed with your conversation with them that I felt like I wasn’t needed. Like I wasn’t wanted around.”
Minhyung’s heart swells at the thought. He doesn’t like seeing Minseok feeling like anyone could be on par with his place in his life– even from the most trivial things such as his attention.
“I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.” He started off.
“I didn’t want to force you to talk it out with me right away. You’ve always needed to take time to process your emotions before communicating them.”
“But I also couldn't stand the thought of you feeling like I was getting mad just because you weren’t talking to me, so I still kept on initiating a conversation even though I knew you weren't going to respond properly so you’d feel like I’m still willing to listen to you.”
At that point, Minhyung could already hear the gears in Minseok’s head going haywire, so he loosened his grip just to peek at Minseok’s face– and to his surprise, his eyes were already brimming with unshed tears. The sight of Minseok crying mortified Minhyung, so gently kissed his forehead and the corner of his eyes in an attempt to calm down the younger.
“Please don’t cry. I love you.”
Minseok stared at him for a couple of seconds before messily kissing the corner of his lips. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you just from the sheer dedication and patience you were giving me.”
“But I love you, Minhyung. Even though I oftentimes fail to show it.”
“I could never compare the love you’re giving me from what I’m giving you, but I try everyday– you know, to be better. Better at controlling my temper, better at communicating my feelings, better at showing just how much I love you.”
Minseok looked at his eyes so, so tenderly that Minhyung fears he’s going to shed a tear too. “Thank you for being so patient with me.”
Minhyung could only plant a gentle kiss on his lips to express the immense amount of love he feels for the younger. “And thank you for loving me.”
—