Chapter Text
Technoblade gently sets his crown down, the metal clinking softly against the wood of the stand next to him. He massages his eyes as he sits at the edge of his bed, before reaching to pull off any jewelry that'd tangle or catch on anything in his sleep. Off come his earrings, laid out neatly, and his chain necklace, deposited as a pile of gold links. He sets his glasses down, arms folded neatly behind the lenses.
Technoblade sighs, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear, and pulls back the thick blanket. Rolling onto his side, he tugs the blanket over his shoulder, and closes his eyes.
Thankfully, Chat is somewhat quiet tonight, and without a rowdy cacophony of voices keeping him awake, it isn't long before Technoblade drifts off to sleep.
Techno blinks his eyes open to see the early morning sunlight cast against the far wall.
He stretches his arms out above him, jaw wide open and face scrunching in a massive yawn. As the big huff of air leaves his lungs, his arms fall to his sides, and he sits still and stares at the ceiling. Blinks a few times.
And then Chat comes in.
GOOOOD MORNING TECHNOBLADE
technosleepy
look at him he's just a little guy
He is a very big scary pig man
wrapped in a blanket
Technoblanket
technoblanket
TECHNOBLANKET
look at him hes so <3333
E
technoblanket
hello technoblade how are you doing on this fine day
pig in a blanket
PIG IN A BLANKET
e
technoblanket
"Chat, I just woke up," Techno grumbles with fake annoyance, shutting his eyes again.
you love us
awwww techie we're so sweet tho :((
E
yeah cuz now we got bad blood
why are you singing taylor swift
He sighs.
Wakey wake eggs and bakie!
wait can he have bacon?
technopig is a technocannibal
Cannibalism pog
e
it's too early for this guys cmon
"Chat, I am not going to commit Technocannibalism, oh my god."
TECHNOCANNIBALISM
technocannibalism
guys why are we talking about technocannibalism
E
No cannibalism till marriage
who's techno gonna be marrying??
tax evasion
DADZA
E
Marry the bird man to evade taxes
taxnoblade
technotaxes
Technoblade is marrying taxes????
Wait no don't eat Phil
E
DADZA
we love dadza
marry the bird man
EAT THE BIRD MAN
e
do not eat dadza
i wanna eat the snow
E
Can we eat the snow
Techno can you eat some snow for us
we want snow
ooh snow sounds yummy
e
Techno massages his temple. It's too early for this.
Whatever. Chat's not gonna go away, might as well get on with the day.
He sits up, taking the braid out his hair. He runs his fingers through it to loosen up the remaining clumps. Sliding the hair tie onto his wrist, he reaches down to grab the hairbrush from the nightstand. Runs it through his hair, untangling it bit by bit. It's over pretty quick, and so he puts the brush back, and starts to re-braid his hair.
technobraid we missed you
Technobraid
E
e
technobraid!!!
E
technobacon?
oh gods no
TECHNOBACON????
E
E
no thank you
TECHNOBRAID
e
Techno weaves the strands of his hair with practiced ease, finishing it off by wrapping the hair tie around the end of his braid once, twice, thrice, and a final time for good measure.
He turns, grabbing his glasses, unfolding them and sliding them on. And that's when he notices.
TECHNOCROWN MISSING??
where did it come from, where did it go
wait where did his crown go
technocrown noooo
E
Why is it missing
His crown is missing. He swore he'd set it down right next to his jewelry, which he noticed was also absent. He swore it was right there when he went to sleep, what happened?
And as if on cue, a crow caws from the sill of his window. There's a golden chain dangling from its talons.
Ah.
CROWZA
DADZA
E
phil's crows? did they do it
TECHNECKLACE
that was horrible
dadza !!!!!
GIVE THAT BACK YOU THIEF
"Bruh," Techno says.
The crow caws curiously, tilting its head and staring at Techno. It shifts its wings, and readjusts its footing.
"Bruh," Techno says again. "Give it back."
The crow chooses that moment to take off into the sky.
"Really?"
A few stray feathers drift to the floor, and he picks one up to inspect it. The feather is sleek and defined, and has a healthy sheen to it. As he tilts it under the morning sunlight, a faint green shimmer reflects off the vanes. Philza's crow.
DADZA
dadza !!!
PHIL
e
we love dadza
He sighs.
"Welp, Chat, who wants to see Phil?"
And, of course, as per any time he talks to Chat, he regrets asking immediately.
Gods, his voices are crazy.