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How much time had already passed? He didn't know, since the announcement of Mizi's disappearance after the turbulent scandal of the last round, time had lost all of its meaning, as well as everything else around him, hours, days and years, nothing made a difference since Till lost her, his light, the one that gave him the motivation to move forward in this simulation of a world with the hope of ever escaping from there, with her by his side.
Now, all of those fantasies seemed like nothing more than a bad joke, being constantly crushed mercilessly by those aliens who snatched from him what he loved the most. Since then, everything turned gray, his sensibility vanished, he was no longer capable of feeling anything, and everyday seemed like a living hell, an eternal nightmare from which he wanted to wake up every time he was forced to see the reality, forced to sully the only thing he had left of that person who was life itself for him, her song purely wasted in the ears of those monsters who would never know how to appreciate the feelings contained in every word.
And although he had lost the will to live, it was the memory of his beloved that kept him standing and, for her, he fought. He fought with his bare hands and teeth, not to save himself, but to protect Mizi's legacy. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could never defeat those beasts, because what was his motivation, was at the same time his greatest weakness, one that made him doubt and tremble, one that spread fear to every nerve in his body and paralyzed him in an indescribable pain similar to death and, when he least expected it, he was on his back, at the hands of those disgusting creatures, at their mercy once again, for them to do and undo as much as they wanted with him, because that was his life from the beginning and it will continue to be so.
In the midst of the chaos, Till would remember her, her cheerful personality, with her bright pink hair and charming smile. He didn't know if it was a hallucination of his mind for staying sane or a dream, but in his most difficult moments, she would extend her hand, warm and cozy, just like her presence, for his peace of mind.
"Mizi..."
With the last remains of his strength left in his aching body, he would reach out to her, longing for the relief that only she could bring him, clinging to the hope of seeing her again.
For Mizi's memory was engraved deep in his heart.
And Till will live by it for the rest of his life.
Maybe that was why, when he got back on stage, he didn't feel the imposing stress or the intense adrenaline that makes you run for your life. He didn't feel calmed, much less enthusiastic about it, the emptiness of his soul made him feel light, immune, ready to accept his fate. He knew who his opponent was, Ivan, that dark-haired boy who has been following him for as long as he can remember. He never understood why, he didn't really care. Sometimes he was a real pain in the ass for him, but he wasn't a bad guy, so he just let him be. Unfortunately, today they would finally face each other, for Till that meant a sure defeat, he hoped it would, after seeing the popularity polls and his performance in Round 3, he knew Ivan wasn't playing around, he had every chance of winning and Till knew it, he was no competition for him, the outcome was decided ever since they announced the participants of this round. Maybe that's why he felt so light as he took the microphone in front of him to start singing.
“Allow me, to the tips of your fingers”
Till wanted to get his feelings off his chest, he wanted the world to know about his pain, about his love, he wanted to shout out everything he always wanted to say to Mizi and never could. Now it was the time, it was his last statement before this whole thing comes to an end.
“Read my soul…”
“Yes, my soul”
Without realizing it, he sang his first verse, feeling all his pent-up emotions bringing out the worst in him, leaving him like a statue in the middle of the stage.
Mizi, I miss you.
It was the only thing going through his mind right now, his two hands gripping the microphone tightly as if the answers he was looking for were inside it, totally oblivious to what was happening next to him. He vaguely heard how Ivan started to sing, but he couldn't care less, there was nothing he cared about anymore. Suddenly, a hand pulled him out of his thoughts, it was cold, courtesy of the rain that had been soaking them both for quite some time, he knew immediately who it was, it was Ivan, but what he did not expect was to feel his opponent lips crashing strongly with his own, with such desperation that his body was leaning backwards.
What the hell is he doing?
He wanted to pull away immediately, he pushed the black-haired man with his hands, managing to separate him from his body momentarily, for as soon as he was free, Ivan went for Till's face to put it between his hands again to kiss him once more, everything happened so fast that Till barely had time to react when the hands that once held his face firmly were now on his neck, it was until that moment that Tiil felt the course of time again, his heartbeat accelerated contemplating his imminent end.
So this is how it ends.
He was scared, that much was true, but neither could he deny the excitement he felt, sending shivers through every sensitive fiber of his body, which made his fingertips itch at the idea of getting away from that place that caused him so much suffering, and the possibility of being able to meet Mizi again in the afterlife, where the two of them could be together, living happily and peacefully. Encouraged by the idea, he closed his eyes, waiting patiently for the moment his breathing would stop and his body would become numb.
Nonetheless, that never happened.
As much as he felt the presence of the other's hands on his neck, he felt no pressure at all. One more sudden movement, one last kiss on his lips that felt strangely more delicate than the previous ones and, the moment Till began to surrender to death, that strong grip on his neck vanished, startling him. The only thing he could witness as he opened his eyes was how Ivan's figure slowly faded away, a crimson red liquid gushing from his mouth and a look so serene, charged with an intense yearning repressed for years. And so, in the blink of an eye, Till was declared as the winner.
The lights went out and everyone left, his heart that moments ago he thought, would never beat again, was beating unrestrainedly. His breathing agitated, his gaze unfocused, he wanted to do something, he wanted to say something, but seeing Ivan's inert body in front of him...
He froze, his head throbbing, processing what had just happened.
And then he remembered.
He remembered that time Ivan went for him when he had been locked up for rebelling against his alien keepers, he remembered how Ivan had freed him and they had escaped together, he remembered the beautiful meteor shower they saw together and he remembered how he decided to return to that place of horrors just for the sake of being with Mizi and Ivan followed him without saying a word.
He remembered that time when Mizi, trying to reach her flower crown that flew with the wind, encountered a dangerous looking alien beast and Till, trying to save her, went into the cave with her with no plan in mind and, thanks to Ivan, who appeared in the right moment and stayed to distract the alien, the two of them could escape.
He also remembered the time when he and Ivan were cheering for a little red flower that was wilting, at one point Till had gotten angry at Ivan for calling him a loser and left him alone with a smack on his forehead, but Ivan did not get upset by this.
All the attentions Ivan had towards him, he always thought they were for the entertainment of the black-haired man, but now, seeing what had just happened, he was no longer sure of that. Every day he followed him, every moment he spent together with him, every time he helped him and accompanied him in his most difficult and vulnerable moments.
Suddenly, everything made sense to Till.
It was love. He was in love with me.
An incredible nausea attacked him, but it wasn't because of disgust, no, it was remorse settling in his gut accompanied by a huge guilt that made him want to throw up and, as if his body was moving by itself, he knelt down next to Ivan and with trembling hands he approached him to move his body slowly.
“Cheer up, cheer up…”
But no matter how much or how loud he said it, there was no response, his body felt colder and colder and Till could do nothing to bring back the warmth he once had. Till's hands were stained with that crimson liquid and his eyes clouded with tears, but he cared little about it.
“¡Cheer up!, ¡cheer up!”
He kept screaming at the top of his lungs, until his voice was gone and all he could do was cling to Ivan's body. His mind filled with images of the moments he lived with Ivan, each one like a painful scar product of his regret, remembering the black-haired man's smirk that will never stop haunting him.
For Mizi's kindness gave him motivation, but Ivan's sacrifice gave him the gift of feeling unconditionally loved by someone else.
Where Mizi's memory once was, now lies Ivan's memory.
Because Ivan's memory is engraved in his heart.
And Till will always remember it, forever.