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Hongjoong loved all his members, he really deeply loved them. If Hongjoong ever needed reassurance he could go to Seonghwa who could almost always read his mind. Or sometimes Wooyoung would just offer compliments and praises without even needing prompting. Yunho loved Hongjoong unconditionally, it was obvious when Yunho loved someone and Yunho made it clear he loved all of their little family. Yeosang was the same, offering small favors whenever he saw Hongjoong needing anything or maybe even wanting something. San’s heart was genuinely good; he was pure and infectiously hopeful. Mingi and Jongho were his babies, even if Mingi was much taller than him making him look like a hamster next to a Great Dane and Jongho considers himself much more mature than Hongjoong.
He loves his family unconditionally.
Being one of the only two hybrids in a group was difficult. Being a hybrid and also a leader was certainly a challenge. Sometimes people would assume Seonghwa was the leader just because he was older or sometimes even Yunho because of his height. No human ever assumed it was Hongjoong.
Sometimes on special occasions, other hybrids could just tell he was the leader. It always filled him with pride even if it was something only other hybrids could spot. His members, especially Seonghwa, would reassure him that he suited being a leader and that he was
The best captain we could ever have.
None of his members treated him or Jongho differently because they were hybrids. Of course, they wouldn’t.
When they were all trainees Yunho came to him, Hongjoong knew he was nervous and hesitant to ask at first.
“Hyung, can I ask you a question..?” Yunho’s voice was soft and undeniably adorable.
“Of course, what's up?” Hongjoong answered, gesturing for Yunho to sit on the couch next to his desk. Momentarily stopping his work to give Yunho all of his focus.
“This might be stupid or... Uhm.. you don’t have to-to answer if it’s uh..” Yunho paused trying to think of the correct phrasing or any phrasing for what he was trying to say.
“Yunho, it’s okay, just ask. I know you have good intentions.” Hongjoong reassured resting a hand on Yunho’s knee.
“Is there anything I should do? Watch out for? Treat differently because you are a hybrid?” It’s not like Hongjoong didn’t expect this, not that he wasn’t a little endeared even if it was an uncomfortable question to receive. At least Yunho was asking and not assuming, or actually treating him differently because he was a hybrid.
Hongjoong couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, it wasn’t a mean laugh more relieved but also definitely uncomfortable. “That would be the opposite of what I want. It really only affects the way I look, and some of my mannerisms and instincts but… None of that should affect how we interact. And it definitely won’t affect my leadership skills if that is a concern to-”
“That was never a concern, Hyung I promise. That never even crossed my mind.” Yunho’s voice was firm, maybe even a little offended.
Hongjoong and Jongho weren’t abnormally close, or even closer than most of the group was. But they definitely had a special bond that no one else could replicate. Jongho understood the annoyance of peoples ignorance and the needs of maintaining an extra pair of ears and tail.
Sometimes, barely anymore, Hongjoong was jealous of Jongho’s tail. It was small and easily hidden, they had about the same sized ears but the difference between Hongjoong’s long coarse chipmunk tail and Jongho’s small fluffy bear one was noticeable.
Hongjoong hated having his emotions easily read by his tail or the flick of his ears. When Hongjoong was in high school he taught himself to control his ears and tail, making them constantly still. He offered to teach this to Jongho when they were trainees; it was a useful skill to have as an idol. He accepted and Hongjoong taught him, helping him stop his emotions from showing through his ears.
Jongho stopped doing this when it was just them. Only immobilizing his ears when they were in professional settings. San and Wooyoung constantly fawned over his ears and sometimes even his tail when they were allowed.
Hongjoong was more than amused when they did the cat ear interview watching his members unable to stop the ears from showing how they truly felt. It was endearing, when it was him and Jongho’s turn Jongho didn’t control his emotions, Hongjoong kept his fake cat ears as still as his own always were. He felt bad because it probably wasn’t good content but he didn’t want his fans to think that he would let his ears react casually.
After filming they went to dinner at one of their favorite restaurants. Hongjoong always enjoyed going out to dinner with all of them, usually their manager or some staff went with them but today it was just the group.
“Joong-ah why do your ears not move?” Seonghwa asked casually and then cringed a bit at his own question, “Sorry, you don’t have to answer, it's just Jongho let’s his ears move when it’s just us.” Jongho stilled at the mention of his name, being pulled into the question.
Hongjoong must have looked shocked, everyone looking towards him all curious. “I taught myself to keep them still in high school, I didn’t like people being able to read my emotions.” He inhaled suddenly, nervous they would all think it’s stupid. “I guess I just didn’t want to stop in case I couldn’t get my progress back.”
“That makes sense.” Seonghwa was smiling; he looked to be in thought. “Thank you for sharing that.”
“Hey, it’s not that serious, it's not like I don’t tell you guys things on purpose.”
“Of course, Hongjoong-hyung, the posterboy for being open about everything!” Wooyoung chimed in sarcastically but not in a mean way, Hongjoong knew he was just teasing. After that no one mentioned it, the conversation moved quickly to Mingi and his consistent asking for a movie night.
After everyone was tucked away in their beds, Yunho and Yeosang went back to their dorm tucked in theirs too. Hongjoong couldn’t sleep, did they feel like Hongjoong didn’t trust them? Did he trust them? He did. He had too. He thought about it, he thought maybe he wouldn’t mind not controlling his instincts as much around his members, his family. Letting his ears twitch, maybe even his tail to sway like it used too.
“Hwa?” He called out, closer to a whisper.
“Hmm?” Seonghwa responded just as hushed from across the room, proving he was also awake. “Can’t sleep?”
“I don’t think my tail will move on it’s own anymore.” He admitted, though he knew it was his own doing he felt ashamed.
“Oh.” Seonghwa was shocked, he wasn’t used to Hongjoong talking about being a hybrid around him. The most Hongjoong talked about his struggles or just differences in general during interviews when questioned about it. Or when he wanted to encourage their hybrid fans. “I’m sorry you felt the need to stop it from moving in the first place. But I want you to know that none of us would ever, I mean
ever,
judge you for wanting or not wanting to show your traits.”
There was a comfortable silence for a second, Hongjoong processing Seonghwa’s words, Seonghwa letting him process. “We love you Joongie.” Seonghwa whispered before falling asleep, Hongjoong soon after joined him.
Hongjoong tried to move his ears in the mirror proudly smiling when he could move them on command. Hearing Jongho walk past the bathroom he called out to him. “Jongho!”
After a moment of shuffling the bathroom door creaked open, “Do you need something hyung?”
“Look!” Hongjoong exclaimed, pointing to his ears twitching his left one. “They still move.” He couldn’t stop smiling, looking into the mirror again and flicking them each once.
“Were you worried they wouldn’t?” Jongho asked, pity wasn’t what Jongho was feeling but it seemed like it was. Sudden realization of calling Jongho in here to show him something he taught him not to do made him flush deep red. The most embarrassed he had ever been in his life.
“Oh, I guess I was..” Hongjoong’s voice sounded shy, more nervous then when they first met. Probably a little ashamed. “Thank you for coming when I called, cub.” He pulled himself together enough to give Jongho a very soft smile, attempting to dismiss him.
“For what it’s worth I’m happy they move. You are very cute, hyung.” Jongho said fondly knowing that Hongjoong hated being called cute. His own brown bear ears twitching with amusement giving away his teasing motive. But as Hongjoong had hoped, he left. Leaving Hongjoong to stare into the mirror alone, once more.
He found himself studying his ears, the way they looked, the movement when he twitched them, the way his fur was patterned. He couldn’t remember the last time he tried to notice his ears. He wondered if that was something other hybrids did too. He wasn’t ashamed, definitely not. He was born a hybrid he had no control over it. It was a natural thing even if some disagreed, he knew it was.
Hongjoong sat on the ground after pushing the bathroom door closed. He squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to focus on relaxing. Not stopping to think about the cleanliness of the floor of a bathroom shared with six, sometimes eight men.
Hongjoong focused on his ears for a second. Moving them one at a time, and then both together kind of like blinking. He knew this wasn’t natural but he was still convincing himself he could move them.
Then he tried to relax, not thinking about his ears. He tried to press down the thought that they had to be still. Realizing he probably just spent an hour in the bathroom on their one day off that week, he fixed his hair and then went out to the common room.
Smelling lunch immediately he let himself move on autopilot towards the kitchen like a cartoon character.
“Smells amazing..” Hongjoong smiled, resting his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder to look at the sausages he was cooking.
Hearing the others open the door for Yunho and Yeosang who just arrived to spend the day together starting with a very late breakfast, or early lunch.
Hongjoong was very excited for today, glad to have all his boys in one place with no work planned for them. They usually didn’t spend their off days together, usually they wanted space or to hang out with their other friends. Spending every waking second with each other wasn’t as glamorous as some might think.
He could feel himself buzzing. Seonghwa smiled at him, pressing a small kiss on his forehead. “It's almost done, maybe you should help Wooyoung set the table.” Seonghwa softly suggested.
“Kay.” Hongjoong complied, moving towards their table and took half the stack of forks and napkins Wooyoung had. “Morning Wooyoungie.”
“Morning hyung. Sleep well?” Wooyoung asked, a small content smile barely noticeable on his face.
“The usual. And you?” Hongjoong replied, happy to keep the small talk going, happy to be helpful to Seonghwa, and happy to be with Wooyoung at the same time.
“Hyung..” Wooyoung said, his voice shocked.
Hongjoong’s head snapped up. “What?” He asked sharply, clearly concerned.
Wooyoung’s shocked face faded into a deep smile, somehow looking more content than he was seconds before. “Your ears.. I’m sorry I just- I’ve never seen them move before. They are so cute.” Hongjoong could tell Wooyoung wanted to reach out and touch them or maybe just touch Hongjoong and affirm that everything was okay. He was also glad that Wooyoung didn’t.
“Oh.. I’m sorry you haven’t. I didn’t realize I was keeping it from you guys.”
Jongho’s emotions were clear through his ears, they twitched when he was angry or embarrassed, they went down when he was sad or overly fond. You could tell if he was truly listening if they were perked up a bit. But Hongjoong’s ears were always sat in the same spot, for years. How Wooyoung even noticed Hongjoong’s ears twitch from excitement was beyond him. But he was very endeared by the fact Wooyoung
did
notice and right away at that.
“No hyung. None of that. I was just excited, I would be fine if I never saw it but I’m just.. Oh my god hyung it’s so cute.” Wooyoung practically squealed, bouncing on his heels a bit causing Hongjoong to groan loudly in mock annoyance.
“Y’know I hate them being called cute.” Hongjoong covered his ears, feeling one of them twitch against his hand from the teasing. Which was new, very welcome but new.
Later on, after dinner, they were all huddled on the couch. Wooyoung and San on the floor, Yeosang and Yunho tucked close to each other, Jongho arms crossed focused on the movie eye brows furrowed. And then on either side of Hongjoong was Seonghwa and Mingi. Seonghwa in arms reach but not touching Hongjoong he hadn’t been in the cuddly mood and there wasn’t much Hongjoong respected more.
On the other hand, Mingi had been extra clingy to his hyungs that day. Whining at Yunho to cuddle with him after lunch before they started a never ending cycle of mario kart. And then asking Seonghwa if he could help make dinner even though he didn’t like cooking one bit.
Most chalked it up to him being anxious, others just thinking he needed his princess treatment on his day off. Hongjoong knew it was both. They all coped with the stress in different ways, some more evident than others.
“Hyung?” Mingi asked, his gravelly voice sounding especially pathetic when he was whispering and it always made Hongjoong want to kiss away his worries.
Hongjoong turned and brushed a piece of hair out Mingi’s eyes not that it was even blocking his eyesight. “Hmm?”
“Can I.. May I touch your tail?” Mingi asked softly, as soft as he could. Huge eyes staring at Hongjoong obviously nervous Hongjoong would get mad.
“Oh, Um sure.” Hongjoong whispered, shocked, maybe even a tiny bit flustered. The members never touched his tail, to be fair no one did. He only touched it briefly to wash it when he bathed
When he was young he used to snuggle it to sleep, it was comforting and warm and he was also half the size he is now as an adult.
“It’s not as soft as it looks though.” He added on and then picked up his tail. Feeling the weight in his hand and feeling his own fur, it was different. He never realized how unfamiliar with his own features he was until now.
Mingi hesitantly moved his hand, slowly but surely to the very tip of Hongjoong’s tail. He then pet his tail once slowly, his slight gasp turning to a smile. Mingi moved like Hongjoong’s tail would run away if he moved too fast, like it wasn’t attached to Hongjoong.
Hongjoong almost whimpered when Mingi pet his tail again, the full thing this time. He was so glad he didn’t he would’ve actually died of humiliation.
“So soft..” Mingi said, amazed, unable to tear his eyes away from Hongjoongs tail. “Does it feel nice?”
“Mhm.” Hongjoong murmured, unable to trust his voice at this moment. He must’ve said that too loud because Seonghwa leaned over to see if Hongjoong was okay. Wooyoung and San looked up from the spot in front of Hongjoong, where San had comfortably snuggled himself into Wooyoung.
Hongjoong felt Seonghwa’s chin against his shoulder. “Can I pet you too?” And Hongjoong did whine that time. Overwhelmed by the eyes on him, not used to being pet yet. But nevertheless he nodded, eagerly.
San cooed at him, unable to contain the noise. “Hyung so cutee!” No better than Wooyoung..
Seonghwa slowly reached over Hongjoong and pet his tail gently. “Coarse, unlike your ears. Very soft still. So..” He paused, making Hongjoong unbearably anxious, for some reason nervous Seonghwa was going to admit that he didn’t like the feeling of his tail. Even if that made no sense, Seonghwa reminded him many nights that he loved
all
of Hongjoong. “So pretty Joongie honestly.”
Hongjoong had never been more content.