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October 17th, 1862
Berlin
Dear Stranger,
I take my pen in hand in response to your letter I received a handful of days prior. I do not know who ‘Drew’ is, but I must assume the postman misread his name, hence the mix-up. The reasonable thing to do here would probably mean not responding to your letter, but I have time on my hands and an extra space in my heart for a new acquaintance.
You mentioned your older brother. It sounds stressful having to be surrounded by somebody who acts entitled for most of your life. I have a couple of siblings myself, all younger than me. They can be intractable, but I love them very dearly. Last Sunday, I was out with them playing in the park nearby and almost lost one of them. They are loud, but they are also incredibly adorable.
Mother didn't seem to think so, but.
Just wait until I tell them about your letter, they won’t believe me. Maybe you could talk to your brother. I, as an older brother, would try to be my best for my siblings.
I am all they have left.
I hear you’re going out of the city for the entire next month. Not just Berlin but leaving the country too. That sounds very exciting. I hope Spain treats you well. I heard they have really good wine there, although I don’t particularly like to drink. I have never been outside of Berlin. If all my responsibilities let me, I think I would go far, far, far away. Beyond human exploration, discover something unseen. Get away from the big city and its bigger clouds of smoke.
That dinner you had last week made my stomach grumble! So much delicious food in one place. You must be quite the popularity, G. (I hope I can call you that, since I couldn’t find another name in the letter you sent. What a strange name you have.) With all the exciting things going on in your life, I might believe the letter came from the king himself. You say the man sitting next to you was handsome?
I think some men are pretty as well.
I hope you meet him again someday, perhaps when you return from your journey in Spain. What is the weather like there? Is it only sunshine like they say in the books?
I’m sorry that your letter didn’t arrive at its destination. I’m sure, whoever this Drew might be, will understand if you write him a new letter. I’m keeping yours. You have very neat handwriting. Well, that’s all I have to say. I hope my letter reaches you well! I apologize for the disappointment opening this letter probably caused.
Faithfully, Your New Friend, Dream
October 23rd, 1862
Berlin
Honored Stranger,
I was surprised when I received your letter, to say the least. I must say, I was not expecting a response any time soon. You see, my friend Drew usually takes weeks or even months to respond. I was delighted to see his reply lying on my desk when I arrived at my chamber. At first, I thought there might have been a mix-up, and I had gotten my hands on one of my brother’s letters. That would have been too good to be true. It’s not that I want to spy on my brother, but having leverage over him would have been quite humorous.
Again, I would like to apologize for my mistake. Despite what you believe, I might have to work on my handwriting. Maybe then the postman could read it better. But can you blame me? I wrote my previous letter after coming back from the dinner you mentioned. I was quite exhausted.
I’m glad you decided to write back. I have a lot of free time on my hands as well. My brother, whom I have mentioned, runs everything around here. I just sit back and get bossed around by him like I’m not only a few years younger than him.
But enough about me whining. I’m delighted to hear that you get along with your younger siblings so well. How many of you are there and how old exactly are they? Seems like there is a lot of pressure on you, taking care of so many children. Do you have anybody to help you out?
I don't know how you do it. I have a younger sister myself whom I hold close to my heart. Maybe it's our mutual hatred for our brother that makes our bond so strong. I get along with her great, yet I couldn’t ever be able to care for her. I would have gone gray by now.
Just last evening, she wouldn’t stop babbling about some of her mean friends. If you ask me, she should have quit being friends with them a long, long while ago. However, she refuses to listen to me. Telling me about all the great times they had together and that she would be left with nobody, which, I understand.
I’m not allowed to have friends either.
Drew is one of the few close friends I have, but he is busy a lot. Taking care of his family and land takes up most of his time. I’m glad I made that mistake, maybe you could be my new friend.
As for your suggestion about talking to my older brother. It’s no use, I couldn’t be bothered. He is and always will be an egotistical jerk who thinks he is better than anyone else.
He gets it from our Father
. If God himself descended to try and talk some sense into him, he wouldn’t even listen.
Why do you want to leave? I wish I could
- Why don’t you like the city? How long have you been living here? If given the opportunity, I would want to get out of here, too. Somewhere serene, somewhere quiet. Where the only disruption is the wind gently palming at the leaves of oak trees in the distance, birds occasionally chirping to say ‘I’m here’, and the rain gently tickling the ground, bringing life to everything it touches. I hope Spain will be like that. Most of my time will likely be spent in stuffy rooms with old men, but maybe in the evenings, I can watch the sun kiss Earth good night.
I will write back about my adventures, I hope the weather will be nice, too. I like Berlin, but it can get so frigid in winter. Maybe I can fuel up on enough sun in Spain to last me through the next season here.
Apropo next month, my birthday is coming up on the first of November. I’m unsure how to feel about it. My family usually makes it this big thing with a lot of guests, but I would much prefer just staying at home with my close relatives, yes, even my older brother. Maybe I can just sneak away and hide for the rest of the day.
I feel like I am doing so much complaining here when, in reality, I don’t have anything to whine about. It all seems so dramatic and live-altering when I write about it like this, when in reality I’m more fortunate than most. I could give away everything I own and still have something left.
So, tell me more about you, Dream (very ridiculous to make fun of my name when your name is Dream out of all things. And just so you know, obviously it’s not my real name, just the first letter. But if you keep being so mean about it, I might never reveal it).
I hope November treats you well, Dream, and much luck with taming your siblings.
Faithfully, Your Mysterious Friend, G
October 27th, 1862
Berlin
Dearest Friend,
How are you? I’m very happy to see you took your time to write me a response. I appreciate it. I think if we met under different circumstances, we might have been best buddies. I don’t know a lot about you, not even your name, but I just feel so… intrigued by your personality and life. It seems to stand in such a noticeable contrast to mine that our lives almost begin to look similar again.
Your letter served as a great distraction from my boring everyday life, so thank you. I’d like to say that I don’t think you complain too much. It’s natural to find our current conditions unsatisfactory, no matter how good they are. Otherwise, humanity would have no reason for improvement and inventions. If people didn’t complain back when we still lived in caves (or so I have read in one of my biology books, but who knows how true it is? Apparently, they have found bones and big paintings in old caves, which means that people must have lived there centuries ago. It’s fascinating to think about.), we probably wouldn’t be living in houses today, and wouldn’t know how to write. So, if we lived back then, we couldn’t have met through letters, which makes me sad to think about.
I’m always happy to talk more about my siblings. They are so troublesome, but whenever I tuck them in at night, sometimes I just look at them and think to myself how much happier they make my life. I don’t know how you do it. If I didn’t have my siblings to worry about all day, I don’t know what I would do with my life. It gives me a kind of sense… a kind of purpose.
Yes, I have a job and am even lucky enough to go to school, but at the end of the day, I’m doing it all for them. So they can have a chance at a better life, too.
But back to your question: So, obviously, I’m the oldest, then Louise, or just short Lu, as we like to call him, and he’s turning 15 this year. Then we have Janet, who is almost 10. Don’t tell anybody, but she is kind of my favorite. Always sweet and docile, helps more around the house than Lu, that’s for sure. My other brother, Karl, just turned 7. He is quiet, but once you ask him about his favorite toys, he won’t shut up.
He reminds me of Mother.
And my sweet baby is 2 years old. Her name is Amy.
But that’s about enough from my siblings. You asked more about me:
I’m Dream, as you might have guessed by now. It’s not my legal name, obviously, but that’s beside the point. I turned 22 this year, which reminds me: Happy Birthday, G! How old are you turning? It would be funny to find out you are some 60-year-old guy (no disrespect).
To my letter, I have attached a few strands of Scorpion grass. I thought they were very fitting and reminded me of you when I was walking past the fields. I think some people also call them forget-me-nots. They made me very curious and I asked my linguistics professor about them.
Apparently, the name comes from a legend about a knight, who collected these flowers for their lover, but died before he could give them to her. His last words supposedly were “Forget me not.” What a hopeless romantic, right?
If only people still cared about true love, instead of only power and money
. But I hope you still like them, assuming they arrived before they could wither away.
But back to the topic: I mostly repair roofs as my occupation, but I still study at Friedrich-Wilhelms Academy.
I’m not sure how much longer I can afford it.
The universe just fascinates me so much. I want to be up there with the big names one day and discover something magical or groundbreaking. Something that people will remember me for.
Berlin is nice and all, I love being surrounded by people. You know what they say, the city never sleeps. My grandparents moved here, actually, back in the day. They simply didn’t make enough money on the fields, so they gave the city a try. My grandfather was also a roofer, that’s why I chose it. My Father taught me when I was little. Now, I feel responsible for teaching this handicraft to my other siblings, too. I’m not sure if giving Karl heavy tools is a good idea, though.
All in all, I enjoy living in a big city. I’ve made great memories and even better friends here, but sometimes it can get too much. The constant noise and filth and poverty that suffocates you can become deadly.
I also don’t enjoy the winter, but you know what usually makes my day better? Snuggling up with everybody in front of the fire under thick wool blankets Mother used to make. Then we tell each other stories all night long, whether they might be fictional or real. We talk and talk and talk until joy warms us, and smiles make us fall asleep together.
What do you like to do when you aren’t feeling too good? Maybe you have some awesome skills you practice in your free time. Do tell me about them. And promise me to write back when you get back from Spain! Was it anything like you imagined?
Again, Happy Birthday, G!
Sincerely, Your Friend, Dream
December 2nd, 1862
Berlin
Dear Friend,
I have finally finished my journey and made my way home to Berlin. I opted to wait to write you a letter until I came back safely since it would have taken ages for the message carriers to arrive in Berlin. I have sincerely missed your letters and even if I enjoyed my trip, I’m looking forward to my old life, including you.
Spain was extraordinarily beautiful!
The men,
the people, the landscapes, and even the animals seemed brighter and full of life. Spain was everything Berlin couldn’t be: warm and welcoming. We had perfect weather for the entire month. It was sunny, although not to the degree it got unbearable, and sometimes it would rain, which cooled the air down greatly and made for the perfect atmosphere.
Fortunately for me, my attendance wasn’t of necessity at the meetings. Therefore, I had the entire November to spend with my sister out in the countryside. We woke up early and went to bed late. We were outside enjoying the fresh air and relaxing most of the time. We even saw some wild horses! Although, I must admit they were a little scary at first. It was so much bigger and stronger than my sister and I combined.
One of the biggest issues was the language. Strange how people can communicate so differently with each other. It made me want to learn Spanish again. I believe I was taught when I was still very little. My parents insisted on teaching me as many languages as they could and said it would be great to make international connections with
other kingdoms
other businessmen.
Strange how two people built the same way by God wouldn’t be able to understand each other because they were taught different languages growing up by their parents or teachers.
Apropo languages: I didn’t know you had an interest in linguistics. What exactly does studying linguistics entail? You talk about talking all day? That’s funny to imagine.
This reminds me; I’m very happy to hear you go to an academy. I think the universe with all its secrets is a magnificent place. Sometimes, when the city manages to get a few peaceful hours of sleep, I like to climb up on our ladder to the attic, where I can open the skylight and step out onto the roof. There, sometimes I just lay down and stare up at the universe, and the universe stares back at me with its millions of eyes and billions of corners to explore.
You mentioned that we wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for letters, but - I might be too naive - I believe maybe we still could’ve had a chance of meeting each other. Even in a different timeline. Mother once told me about this legend, where people - a long, long time ago - used to have two heads, four arms, and legs, and everything doubled, right? But these creatures were split up, and to this day, they still are in search of each other. She called them soulmates, I believe.
We could be soulmates.
But maybe all of this is too far-fetched. Maybe this is the only life we have, and I think we would be stupid enough to waste it with hypotheticals.
Enough about that. I haven’t been able to put my gratitude into words regarding your birthday present for me. Thank you very much for the flowers! I dried them and glued them into one of my books to preserve them. I love the color of them. I’m not sure if I have mentioned it yet, but my vision is sometimes impaired. I can see blue shades well, but the rest kind of seems dull and almost the same. Father says he had it, too. I’m not sure what it means. The tale about the knight was lovely.
And just for your information: I surpassed the age of 24 last November, not 60. Although, I’m definitely more mature than you, despite the small age gap. I bet I could beat you in anything, you little baby. Do you still need your diapers changed?
When I have free time, I like to practice archery. I have been doing it since I was very little, as well as riding horses. I enjoy the company of animals in general, yet there is something so magnificent about horses. They all have this majestic and strong aura about them that commands respect and attention. When I’m feeling extra that day, I sometimes like to combine these two activities. So, riding horses while trying to shoot a target.
Father said it would be a useful skill in times of war.
How about you, Your Highness? How do you wish to spend the little time you must have without any turmoil in a day?
Also, did I miss anything important while I was away? Did something exciting happen in your life? Perhaps Amy can walk by now, right?
With Kind Regards, Your Companion, G
December 8th, 1862
Berlin
Dear Companion,
At last, you are back in Berlin! I’m delighted to hear about your successful adventure in foreign countries! If only I could see what you experienced in those beautiful landscapes.
However, I am also glad that you are finally back and able to respond to my messages. I was on the edge of insanity when your letter finally arrived at my front door. It’s shameful to admit, but every time the postman would walk by, I silently hoped he would make a stop at our house, too.
I’m looking forward to long last talking to somebody who is around my age. You don’t believe how often I had to wash dirty diapers in the past month. I know
Mother
some folk still don’t believe in washing clothing because they don’t know how diseases and infections work, but I just think that’s disgusting. Just imagine poor baby Amy having to sit in soiled diapers all day for weeks at a time. I would become grumpy, too. And for your information: No, thank you, I don’t need my diapers changed, I can very well change them myself.
To answer your question, yes, of course Amy can walk. She has been able to for months now. We are very excitedly waiting for her first words. I guess that it will be my name because I’m her favorite, but Janet says it’s stupid to hope for something like that. She thinks it will be something indistinguishable from her usual babbling. She is so mean to me sometimes, crushing my hopes and dreams (which is very funny because that is my name, get it? Did you laugh out loud? You better have. I know where you live. Actually, I don’t, but it sounded cool, didn’t it? Please tell me you were intimidated by big, scary me, thank you.)
You ridicule me for studying the human language and then cry about not understanding a singular word in Spain. Funny how that works, no? But in all seriousness: Are you familiar with the brothers Grimm? Jacob Grimm published his Geschichte der deutschen Sprache about 2 decades ago, and yet, managed to change how we view languages and their origins. Did you know almost every language spoken today in Europe and Asia originates from a singular language called Indo-European? It’s like you mentioned: Millennia ago, we all probably communicated in the same language, and look at us now; couldn’t even talk to a person in a neighboring nation. Fascinating, isn’t it?
I’m pleased you share the same sentiment with me about the stars. My personal favorite will always be our little moon. Well, not so little. I think there is something so disgustingly mortal about admiring the moon at night. It’s the same moon Galileo was studying, the same moon the Egyptians were worshiping, and the same moon people like you and me stare at. No matter how passing life may be, the moon will always be there, laughing down at us and our foolish human antics, like war and famine and poverty.
How did you go about learning horseback riding? I only see horses on the street when they are nice and well-behaved. I could never imagine getting so close up to them; they look very scary. About my interest, you said it well yourself, I don’t have much free time on my hands these days. I talked about it before, having to take care of the kids, school, work, cleaning, cooking, blah, blah…
If only Mother would be still here to help out
. Despite popular belief, though, I do have friends, and no, I mean friends other than you, G.
There’s this club we sometimes go to on the weekends. It’s nothing big, but it's good to see familiar faces every once in a while to relax. We usually have music or presentations.
You know that one bar on Friedrichstraße? Maybe you could stop by sometime? Drink a beer with us and get to know everybody. (Don’t tell this to my mates, but I kind of like you more than them.) Go there and say you are with me. The bartender should let you right in. Just come by whenever you feel like it. I’m there usually after my shift at work is done, too.
I have run out of paper to write on, and I can hear Karl screaming outside. I better check if he is still alive. If not, more food for me! Is your brother still acting like an ass? How is your little sister doing? Also, can you finally tell me what your full name is? What are you hiding? You better not not answer me again for a month!
With Kind Regards, Your Soulmate, Dream
December 15th, 1862
Berlin
Dear Stranger,
It turns out I don’t know who you are. I was writing all my previous letters with the thought in mind that I was this mysterious stranger you didn’t know anything about. I was so, so wrong. You surprised me with your latest inquiry, to say the least. I’m fascinated by your thoughts and knowledge about the world and would love to hear more… if we were to ever meet.
It was not within my intention to become mysterious. It is how things developed. However, I like to think we both find enjoyment in it. For me, there is something so freeing about talking to somebody you have never met. I have confessed secrets to you, I wouldn’t dream of uttering in the vicinity of my family. You know me better than most
even if my entire life is on display for thousands to judge.
Maybe we have met, maybe we have walked past each other, maybe we have talked, maybe we are not so distant as we believe.
So, to answer your question: No, I’m not hiding anything, Dream. I’m basking in the opportunity to be me for once.
I was fortunate enough to partake in higher education myself. However, all those old, grumpy teachers never managed to convey such excitement for those interesting topics. I always believed that everybody found school boring, but you introduced me to a completely new side of studying. All your excitement is infectious, I think; it makes me want to go back to my old professors and listen to what they were talking about all those years ago.
Maybe I should go back and learn more about infants. I apologize for my stupidity about Amy. It feels like centuries since my sister was an infant,
and even then, the housemaids were taking care of her
. However, I am delighted to hear she is growing up healthy and strong. I bet she will be even smarter than you. Make sure she doesn’t run away now.
I think her first words will be “I love
George
G so incredibly more than stinky, mean Dream, and he is my favorite”, so keep me updated on that matter.
(So that you know, I did find your joke quite entertaining. I was very amused. 10/10. I’m not sure if I would describe you as big and scary, though.
I think you’re rather sweet.
I think you’re just a big idiot.)
Keep me updated on the well-being of your brother Karl, as well, please. What trouble did he get himself into this time around? Invite me to his funeral or his wedding, whichever comes first.
Apropo brothers, yes, he still is unbearable. When we came back from our trip to Spain, he was sort of nice to me for a while. But that was short-lived, and he was back to his old self like nothing had changed. I’m not sure what triggered his change of heart, but I’m praying it comes back soon enough.
You won’t believe it, but my sister recently started accompanying me to my horseback rides out on the fields. She has taken up quite a big interest in horses. I think she wishes to be an animal doctor when she gets older. Only if my family would allow it.
I began my training before she was born. I have been with horses since I can think. Mother was always afraid of them. Always warned me to be careful around them. I have my favorite, of course. Patches, she is always more playful than other animals. Hence, my mother believed she was more aggressive. In reality, she couldn’t hurt a fly.
To this day, I haven’t ridden a better horse than her. Our communication is mutual, and we even partook in competitions when I was younger. I would love for my sister to learn with her if she desires to.
Last Sunday, we were on the outskirts of the city when we caught sight of a bison in one of the nearby forests. My sister says it was merely a baby calf, and we were very fortunate not to encounter the remainder of the herd. We try to stay clear of that area now. Hopefully, they will have moved on in a couple of weeks. It was quite a spook for everybody.
If my schedule allows, I would love to stop by at your bar. Your friends sound fun to be around,
especially if they are anything like you.
What do you people like to talk about? Do you perform, too? I definitely mustn’t miss that.
I’m shocked to realize New Year’s Eve is coming upon us in a few days. Is there anything you and your family planned in particular? We will be visiting the church
, where my brother will give a speech.
I’m looking forward to seeing an extended family in the days following. Do you have any wishes for next year?
Either way, I hope you enjoy the upcoming holidays. Perhaps we will see each other soon.
Kind Regards, Your
soulmate
Friend, G
December 28th, 1862
Berlin
Honored Friend,
I apologize for my great lateness with a reply to your letter. Personal things got in the way, and it was a stressful handful of days. With festivities and turmoil, I only now find the time for an adequate response. So, again, my apologies.
Christmas was rather boring. My family doesn’t have the luxury of taking the day off, sadly. Lu and I were busy with work all day, while the rest helped around the house. He is starting to get better as a roofer these days. However, he might be able to find a job next year in the castle. On Boxing Day, the king seemed to take a liking to him. Lu even got new shoes!
I’m unsure what we are planning to do for New Year’s. Hence, little Amy is easily spooked by the explosion of fireworks. I will likely stay home with her, but Karl and Janet have planned to attend a Watch Night for the first time. I feel nervous letting them go out so late, surrounded by drunken men. What if they get lost? Berlin is a big city, especially in the dark.
With all this stress, I have never taken the time to sit down and think about resolutions for the upcoming year. All I truly desire is for my loved ones to be safe and healthy (this includes you, too, now).
Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this. I have never told anybody.
For the longest time, I spent New Year’s Eve wishing for Mother to return safely. She always used to go out - for days or even weeks at a time - to “spend time with her girlfriends.” she always said. Of course, she never had any real friends to meet with - unless you consider the bartender down the road. They were very greatly acquainted, to say the least. Holidays were always her favorite because she didn’t have to hide her love for alcohol. She wasn’t fooling anybody. The entire town knew, of course.
I grew up worrying about her whereabouts and wondering when the friendly lady from the hospital would knock on our door announcing Mother had passed. The day never came. Instead, I found her when I was 9, lying in her room, not breathing.
I remember little child me, standing in the doorway, mouth agape, ready to ask for Louis’ favorite toy because he wouldn’t stop screaming the entire night. Maybe he sensed something mortifying had happened before I did. Maybe he just wanted to be cared for by his mother one last time.
I carry the guilt around with me most days. It’s easier to forget when I have so many other things occupying any free space left in my mind. But even then, a single thought sometimes sneaks its way past the barriers I have built in order to protect my family. Maybe I could have done something, only if I had checked on her earlier instead of waiting until the sun reached the sky. Maybe I could have saved her. Maybe if I hadn’t been busy studying - even back then - she would still be here today.
As a child, I was obsessed with pursuing a higher education. I wanted to be a scholar and discover things that changed the course of history.
Above anything else, I just wanted to be everything my Mother wasn’t.
The amount of bins and abandoned homes I chewed my way through in hopes of finding books and snippets of information.
After Mother passed, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had lost my purpose. I had lost the very thing that motivated me to get up in the morning and work harder. Reaching for a bottle seemed almost too easy. But I had another human to worry about, so I kept going and going. I gave my best and then still kept going.
No, other than Lu, I don’t have any real siblings in the sense of the word. We do not share the same mother or father. They are all hopeless children, lost, without anywhere else to go to. Yes, it would be easier to leave them behind. I earn enough money to sustain myself, and Louis is old enough to figure it out himself. But then I would be like my Mother.
I believe my wish for the new year is to find someone to care for me like
you do
.
I think you are right. Amy will be more knowledgeable than me. She has a head start. I feel like she is already wiser than I am. Amy makes things simple by focusing on one task at a time. If she’s hungry, she will cry until she receives food. If she’s bored, she finds a companion to entertain her. Maybe adults should be more like her.
However, I accept the compliment about being smart, even if you intended to be mean to me.
Your sister also sounds a lot smarter than you do. Wanting to be a doctor is not an easy task. It comes with a lot of responsibility. Even if you are an idiot, I’m glad you two didn’t encounter an angry bison herd. I have never seen one in real life, only in my biology books, but I would much rather keep it that way. I heard they walk around in herds as big as 100 animals!! Fortunately, you only saw a baby, but the mother couldn’t have been far away.
I’m pleased to hear you are interested in our club. I do indeed perform! However, not in the manner that you might be thinking. I don’t sing or dance but rather talk. I suppose you have come by one day to find out for yourself. It’s not all fun and laughter. The people visiting can get somewhat… passionate about their opinions. But don’t be afraid to talk to them (most of my friends don’t bite).
How did you spend these few days of celebration? Happy New Year to you and your sister! Maybe the next time we talk, it will be in person!
Love, Your Sad Friend, Dream
January 3rd, 1863
Berlin
Beloved Friend,
I hope you were able to enjoy New Year's celebration to a certain degree even if coupled with a very grumpy two-year-old.
I had the honor of watching one of the biggest pyrotechnics shows in the whole of Berlin.
My attendance was a requirement as Prince.
It was mesmerizing, or so my sister says. As I have mentioned previously, my vision is impaired, especially in the dark sky it was difficult.
Did you kiss anyone when the clock hit zero?
I wish we -
We even held a big feast afterward. My sister gave a speech. (Don't ever tell anybody, but I teared up slightly.) She is reminding me of Mother more and more each day. They have the same hair and eye color (at least I think so). Mother always used to say how proud she was of our sister for being so strong.
I'm beginning to see similarities between the two. They both only ever want to be there for everyone. It's an impossible task, of course. And yet, they master it so gracefully. Almost succeeding even.
I'm not sure either what my New Year's Resolution might be. Many parts of my life have been pre-planned and organized by other people for the next decade to come. My brother, with the incurable need for control, isn't helping the matter.
For many years I have wondered if I could have done more, could have been better.
Wanting to be taken care of is very human. The need for protection and the feeling of security seems to be the driving force behind most interactions. We starve to feel precious and needed. I believe it might be the reason for all the turmoil and revolutions occurring now.
Most people want to be safe and comfortable in their own homes and a better future for their children. This can result in violent altercations everybody would rather avoid. However, they play a key part in evolution.
It's like with the baby calf and her bison mother. The bison, if it senses her calf is in danger, doesn't necessarily seek confrontation, but rather the feeling of security. If violence is the only way to achieve it, it seems like the logical next step to do.
Humans are selfish and disregard other people's emotions easily when it doesn't benefit themselves and their interests.
What exciting news about your brother Lu! Working in the castle mustn't be an easy job. However, I'm confident in his abilities as a worker. He will surely do an excellent job. Do tell me how it came to be when the time comes.
Meeting the king must have been a very thrilling experience that only a few ever have the opportunity to. Although, I do believe King Grimwald tends to be rather… mean-spirited. I have heard tales about him firing staff without warning or acting rudely toward his town folk.
I'm not saying this with the intent of scaring off your brother! I would merely advise him to be careful and flexible when interacting with King Grimwald.
As you have stated, the King seemed to take a liking to him. So, perhaps his hard work will be rewarded with more presents. Who knows, maybe he will soon be crowned as the nation's new ruler!
Maybe you should consider taking the role of leader, as well. As of today, January 3rd, the time I am writing this letter, I have just arrived home from the club you have mentioned. Although I must admit, it is merely in the early hours of Saturday, and I visited on Friday, rather than Saturday. This is getting very complicated, my point is: I believe I witnessed you perform, just like you said you would.
I do, of course, not have any indications about your appearance, other than the presumed fact that you are a man in his early twenties.
I might have made a lapse in my judgment, however, around midnight, there was this man on the stage. He walked on with rarely-ever-seen confidence to his step and introduced himself as “Nightmare”. My immediate thought was that it was rather unfitting for a man so
gorgeous
friendly, and my second thought was that he sounded oddly familiar.
Even if we had never met, there was something about his expressions and knowledge that reminded me of a certain someone.
Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see, either way, I enjoyed my evening, and thank you for the invitation. I was too nervous to talk to anyone present at the bar. Perhaps next time, we will meet at last.
You were right, your companions do have… radical standpoints when it comes to certain topics of discussion. The monarchy seemed to rouse a lot of your friends’ interest. I have never dissected the topic of current politics in our nation to this extent.
It was an eye-opening experience, listening to the men and women speak so proudly about the upcoming plans to revolutionize the nation from the bottom. (A few of them were a little too eager to grab a pitchfork and march into battle, but the beer bottles could be faulted for that.)
I enjoyed “your” speech about the importance of education among all classes greatly. I'm unearthing new abilities of yours with every second. You truly are an intellectual!
I hope the new year is treating you and your gay family well. I'm sitting here patiently, already expecting your letter, before I could even send this one.
Sincerely, Your Greatest Admirer, G
January 13th, 1863
Berlin
Beloved Friend,
I once again take my pen in hand rather belatedly. I'm very appreciative of your time and have come to realize it's a very valuable currency of yours. Again, my apologies for letting your letter go unanswered for such a long period.
As predicted, my New Year's Eve celebrations were uneventful and I spent time home with Amy and the rest of the kids. Janet and Lu did not end up going outside, unfortunate for them, but lucky for my fragile heart. I would've been up all night sick with worry.
I couldn't have been able to kiss anybody at midnight, even if I wanted to for the reasons I've stated above. And even then, the state would have me imprisoned with the snap of a finger.
This ties in with your statement about humans being terribly selfish creatures. In my opinion, to a certain extent, everybody should allow themselves to be selfish from time to time. Yes, even parents. But there is a healthy balance to be struck.
Yet, people who can command a nation to their every desire, are bound to use it for personal gains. King Grimwald may be alright, but no man should have the ability to start wars or end human lives, merely because they're having a bad day. It's an extreme example, but an entirely possible one with our current legislation.
I think even if I had the opportunity to be crowned the new King, I wouldn't want to, or at least not in the long run. The guilt that would overcome me, is no tolerable for longer than a handful of seconds. The weight of the decision-making about innocent people's fates would tear me apart. No mortal is created to be of such all-consuming power.
This leads me to my next topic: I'm delighted to hear you enjoyed your stay at the bar! It could've been me that you laid your eyes on Friday. Was it love at first sight? Did I look like anything you expected?
Did I disappoint you?
It seems rather unfair that you have the privilege of knowing what I look like. I promised you I wouldn't bite, you could have talked to me. Now I'm even more curious about this mysterious man I have never met, yet trust more than most. Guess you won back your title as the unknown stranger.
Apropo the meeting: I hope we didn't scare you for life with our ideologies. We're not hungry for world domination and oppression, but merely union, rights, and freedom.
One would think those are simple needs to fulfill! You wouldn't believe the things I have heard since joining the group a few months back.
I trust you, even though it's very irrational, to not reveal us to the public, and especially to no authority. We were fortunate enough to acquire a location nearby.
One of my best friends, let's call him… Sapnap was arrested in his home. Without a warning or anything. We are looking into possibilities of setting him free again. However, the situation seems rather dire.
With court hearings not being public, the most we can do is be patient and behave, lest we draw more unnecessary attention to ourselves. With everybody dead on the side of the street or rotting in prison, forced to do hard labor, we would be no use.
It’s a contributing reason for my lack of response. I was very caught up in the whole fiasco and didn’t find the time to write a letter worthy of your time. Sometimes it feels like I'm some mere peasant being graced with the time of the King himself. There is just something elegant about the way you write and describe your life. My presence appears quite meek in comparison.
Have I told you about my strange discoveries in the past weeks? I might just be unlucky when it comes to messengers, but unfamiliar packages have been delivered to our home for the past month. They come at unsystematic intervals, at least once a week, however. The packages typically contain rations of dry food, thick fabrics, and even toys.
We have yet to use any of it. I’m terrified of stealing an innocent family's food because of a faulty postman. It seems too perfect to be true. I haven’t been able to work as much since most of my clients, who happen to be rich men, leave Berlin around this time of the year in order to travel. These rations could be the grace for Janet, who was on the lookout for work this season. If we end up keeping the supplies, she could stay home for a little while longer.
Will you, at last, tell me your name? If not, I will start guessing, Gabriel.
With Kind Regards, A Peasant, Dream
January 20th, 1863
Berlin
Dear Companion,
As of writing this letter, I’m preparing to go back to the bar. It's late in the evening once again. It feels forbidden to go to the club in broad daylight. I would assume most of your friends also go at night. I truly do not want my older brother to find out. He would lock me in my room for the rest of my life, I think.
If my sister found out, I could persuade her to keep quiet about it. She would get horse riding lessons out of it from the best of the best (me) and I would be left alone. It is a win-win for everybody involved.
Regarding the bar: I must disappoint you. The person I saw last time was more similar to a silhouette, rather than a person. He was tall with a
nice
broad physique. His voice was deeper, yet had an edge of warmth to it that made you feel invited. He was soft-spoken, yet determined.
I hope to see him again today. Perhaps, by the time this letter reaches its destination, we are already in deep conversation, face-to-face, instead over an impersonal piece of paper with smeared ink.
I must admit; your arguments against the existence of the monarchy were rather convincing. As I’ve said, I’m not a man for politics, even though it is expected of me. And yet you manage to convey such passion for the things you work hard for.
I would also like to express my deepest sorrow for your friend. These are very challenging times for many. He is brave for acting where other people would sit back to let the government make a puppet out of them. I’m sure he will be back in no time. Keep me updated in that regard either way. If there is any way I can help
or talk to my brother about it,
please do not hesitate to ask.
And you say your presence is subordinate to that of mine. Have you ever heard yourself speak? You make crowds fall in love with you, Dream. The ease and honesty that accompanies every single word you utter seem otherworldly. Yes, perhaps I am of a more wealthy upbringing. That doesn’t imply my life is worth a penny more than yours, or anybody’s for that matter.
I’m skilled with the bow and animals, however, I couldn’t dream of comprehending all the matters you convey so easily. You mention in all of your letters how scarce your time is, yet still manage to satisfy and nurture a dozen kids, almost none of which are related to you.
If I had to choose between erecting a statue out of gold for King Grimwald or you, you would get my vote, every single time. From my point of view, you are nothing but heroic and selfless. Qualities I cannot say about myself.
Maybe you don’t hear it often enough, but you deserve every ounce of love and gratitude a person can utter.
For that reason, I think you and your family should make good use of the packages. You're allowed to be selfish for once. You deserve good things in your life. It's not like you're ruthlessly stealing items from a stranger's home. Maybe it's fate, maybe you're just a lucky bastard.
Take it and send everyone well-fed to bed instead of letting worry pull you into sleep once again. Who knows, perhaps you are meant to receive them. Maybe you have a secret admirer after all.
How about you tell me your name first, dear Dream, or should I rather refer to you as Nightmare?
Sincerely, Your Loving Friend, G
August 12th, 1864
Berlin
Beloved Companion,
I’m happy to hear about the return of your sister. Did she enjoy her stay in Frankfurt? I’m sure after everything she must be an exceptional equestrian by now. (It’s alright to admit you’re jealous).
Your package from last Tuesday has arrived safely and in one piece this time! I promise I only opened it today. (This secret stays between me and you, pal, but it was the very first thing I did this morning after I realized it was my birthday.)
You know me too well, and yet get me the most extravagant presents every time. I, once again, am uncertain how to express my gratitude for everything you have done for me and my little family. I showed Karl the pendant you sent me and he mostly brushed it off. However, I caught him sneaking glances at it the entire time we were eating dinner earlier. Safe to safe, he will steal it the next chance he gets. Jokes on him, I don't plan on putting it down.
The little note you attached said it was Obsidian. According to my very imaginative sister, it supposedly protects me from “bad spirits and energy”. Whatever that might mean, I’m very thankful either way. The way it glistens in the sunlight is breathtaking.
Even the flowers survived their journey! Very creative of you to gift me Scorpion Grass. I wonder where you have that idea? I must admit, your bouquet is slightly more impressive than the meager 10 pieces I have sent you for the past 2 years.
Wow, two years. I’m too afraid to say it out loud in case it all disappears before my eyes. Or better yet, I wake up from this dream.
Do you know what an excellent present would be for the two-year mark of us knowing each other? You finally daring to show me your face. I can barely believe how you have managed to sneak away every single time we were in the same vicinity. It’s incredibly frustrating knowing we wouldn’t have to use these stupid pieces of paper.
What are you so scared of, G?
Surely you are not afraid of disappointment. I’m certain I have made myself clear over the years that I do not take an interest in your appearance. Well, I do, but not in the sense that it would be a detrimental factor for our
relation
friendship.
I’m merely a man of curiosity for the stranger I am deeply connected with. I’m beginning to think you are the most beautiful man the world has ever seen therefore you are simply trying to protect my dignity.
I couldn’t bring myself to judge your mien if you had 3 heads or none at all.
I do, however, understand that you come from a rather… expressionless family due to the wealth you grew up with. But where I come from (we live in the very same city, but I think you understand what I mean), we love people we care about unconditionally. I don’t associate with you with a certain image in my mind that I have concocted over the years.
I value and appreciate the version of you, you allow me to see. Even if you leave parts out like your looks or name, I will always remember the other 99% of you that I cherish. So, stop holding back.
Partially for my birthday, I’ll be spending a lot of time at our bar with my friends next weekend. If you build up the courage, come and talk to us. Sapnap will be there, too. He’s on the edge of his seat, waiting to meet you, so he can thank you for all the help. I think he is mostly sick of me talking about you. He doesn’t believe you are a real person. I don’t judge him; from his point of view, I’ve been talking about a person for the past year while nobody knows his name or what he looks like. I would be skeptical, as well.
Prove him wrong, please.
Affectionately, Your Greatest Partisan, Dream
August 18th, 1864
Berlin
My Dearest Friend,
I once again would like to wish you a happy birthday! I sincerely hope you enjoyed your time with friends and family. You truly do not have to thank me for the gifts. It is the least I could do for such a special person.
The Obsidian is supposed to bring good luck to you, indeed. Your sister Janet is growing up to be an intelligent woman. I do not believe in the power of minerals myself either, however, it cannot hurt to have it, right?
My aunt uses every opportunity she spends in my presence to convince me of the healing powers of crystals and stones. According to her, it’s an ancient practice that is proven to be effective. Maybe she is right, after all, so you serve as my test experiment, whether they work or not.
Please notify me as soon as the crystal takes into power and you become worry-free overnight, thanks.
Regarding the flowers, you should never berate yourself for gifting me fewer strands. Flowers decay and decompose regardless of how big the bouquet is or how expensive the plants are. Therefore it’s the thought that matters. I was very grateful for the initial batch of flowers you sent me for my 24th birthday. I wasn’t happy because you sent me so many flowers to bear. I was excited about the thoughts and emotions associated with the gift. Surely you must have spent at least a few minutes thinking about what object I would be happy to receive.
I for one appreciated the physical act of picking up flowers for the sole purpose of congratulating me on my birthday. My bouquet might have more strands in it, yet I tasked somebody else with acquiring it. So if anything, I should be ashamed of my lazy and comfortable habits.
I asked my sister about her stay in Frankfurt. She reported back to me that it was even more chaotic than here, even if the city itself was of a smaller size. An interesting discovery for sure. About the horse riding lessons she got: She complained to me that the men weren’t being friendly to her at all. She explained how they were not taking her skills seriously because of her age.
I must admit, I almost called a carriage to take me to Frankfurt right then and there. My duties would unfortunately hinder me in such an adventure, but perhaps someday. Maybe I’ll even take you with me. You sure do look more intimidating than me.
For those reasons, I do not think that she has improved her skills as an equestrian. Most of the time she spent there sitting around, watching other people receive helpful advice, while she waited for her turn.
I’m most definitely taking her out to the countryside tomorrow to help her out to the best of my abilities. My ego will be hurt by the point she surpasses me, but my heart hurts thinking about her not being able to live out her dreams. I do envy her for the unique experience.
Another peculiar anecdote regarding my sister happened last Monday. For a reason I still haven’t found out, she came into my chamber while I was absent and started rummaging through my belongings! She told me she was looking for her brush (that I very clearly didn’t touch, therefore I do not believe her in the slightest).
For a mysterious reason, she searched underneath my bed. This is embarrassing, however, I store all the letters we have exchanged in a box right where she was looking. For safekeeping, I store them underneath my bed, so nobody finds them. I guess I should have been more creative.
Either way, she found all of them and came to talk to me about it. My lifestyle doesn’t allow me to send or receive letters that have not been approved by at least a dozen people. I was terrified she was going to run to our brother and betray me.
She didn’t, fortunately. She admitted that curiosity got the better of her, and she opened and read one of the more recent letters. Her first assumption was that I had been corresponding with a secret lover for the past seasons.
Instead of denying her claim, I tried to convince her that “Dream” was merely a code name for a woman I had met on one of our outings. She, of course, was suspicious of me and bombarded me with question after question I couldn’t answer about this mysterious woman.
After hours of interrogations, I at last admitted the truth. Not mentioning how we stumbled upon each other by pure accident, or why we kept messaging back for months and months.
All in all, my sister now knows I prefer the company of men rather than women. I trust her to keep her big mouth shut… Telling her, though, made me feel better about myself. It was sort of freeing. Nobody knows besides you, and her now, of course. I might not be able to tell anybody else in my life for years to come, but in the meantime, it feels comforting to accept another part of myself.
The world didn’t stop spinning on its axis. But maybe it doesn’t have to in order for me to feel better.
1 entire year and 10 months I have known you. For 1 year and 10 months, I have been waiting for a response on my front door. Patiently expecting a letter before even sending one of my own.
There has been something in the air. Maybe tension, or maybe just smoke from the factories. Whatever it might be, it makes the time pass by quicker. Sometimes I catch myself staring out the window, subconsciously hoping for a messenger to pass by.
It’s similar to a feeling of homesickness, I think. Whenever the people become suffocating and the rooms too loud, I spend my evenings re-reading old letters of yours. Perhaps it’s the comfort in familiarity.
You might be my favorite person.
If you ask nicely, I might attach a photograph of my humble self when the time feels right. If not, you will sadly have to learn how to use your imagination. And if you keep being mean to me, I’ll have to switch back to messaging Drew. He was way nicer, anyway.
Faithfully, Your Old Friend, G
August 23rd, 1864
Berlin
Beloved Friend,
After all this time you still say you don’t like me. What a rude thing to say to your best companion. Better be careful now with what you say, not many people are left behind to annoy if I decide to stop responding.
God, I can’t even imagine putting a halt on our correspondence after all this time. I think it would feel like losing a limb. Or worse, losing a loved one.
Amy nearly made my heart reboot after climbing down the stairs alone for the first time. I thought to myself “One more step and you’re going to have to jump after her”. I was ready to send one of my siblings down to the hospital. Tell them in advance my poor baby fell down a set of stairs.
To everybody’s surprise and pleasure, she is completely fine and healthy. She kind of stumbled down the last three stairs rather than coordinated steps, but it’s the result that matters.
Isn’t there a saying? “The journey is the destination”, or something along those lines. That would imply the exact opposite is true, but oh well. For somebody who studies linguistics, I’m quite clueless. I might have to ask my professor when classes commence again next fall.
Siblings are a grace and a curse. You probably agree after the whole ordeal with your sister about the letters.
First of all, do you like me or something? Keeping all the letters I have sent you seems very creepy. Maybe you should get that checked out by one of your expensive doctors. (I kept all of your letters, as well. Throwing them away felt like a betrayal somehow.)
Either way, I’m very happy to hear your sister was welcoming to this new revelation. And I’m even more proud of you for no longer hiding this part of your identity from your sister. Small steps, G.
I, for my part, never treated it like something to be ashamed of with my siblings. They know about the letters and even if I haven’t stated it outright, they safely assume you are more than a colleague for me.
Some of your adventures sound like stories straight from a new fantasy novel. Hence sometimes I tell the little ones bedtime stories by retelling all the exciting things you did.
Sometimes it has the exact opposite effect of what I intended. Instead of calming them down and making them sleepy, they get all excited and curious for more. By that point, I pick up one of my biology books and start reading sections out of it. They, naturally, find it boring and fall right asleep. It works like a charm every time.
I hope you don’t mind that I share information about you. I don’t have much to go off of besides the few paragraphs. Therefore, more often than not, I exaggerate and add elements to your stories, to better fit a 7-year-old’s imaginative mind. However, if you’d like me to stop, I will.
In hindsight, it would have been more respectful of me to ask for your permission beforehand.
Either way, have you seen the latest laws regarding academies? I knew King Grimwald didn’t particularly care about the less fortunate, but this is an all-time low, even for him. Permitting more people to pursue a higher education seems rather childish.
He will never admit it, however, every man can see that he is afraid of lower-class people getting smarter. He is terrified of lower-income homes gaining strength through knowledge and union.
Especially now, that working hours got significantly reduced for many workers. There is nothing much left to do but converse and discuss with others. He truly thinks that attending universities is the only way his folk can scheme? One would think that the head of state would learn from the mistakes of the previous ones.
I am fortunate to be unaffected by these new regulations, but it might be a severe issue for my siblings if nothing changes by the time they are older.
This is deeply one of the aspects that bothers me so much about the King. People like myself work hours upon hours to secure a better future for my siblings or children, and then you wake up one morning, and suddenly everything has changed.
You cannot plan and prepare when all the decisions are left to be made by an immature man claiming to be of divine grace.
I thought I’d inform you that, although I have received numerous compliments and inquiries, the Obsidian pendant has yet to fulfill its role as a protector from evil spirits. I woke up this morning, just as stressed as I usually am. Nonetheless, I’m very grateful, and you will be the first person to hear the news if anything changes.
Kind Regards, Your Confidant, Dream
September 2nd, 1864
Berlin
Dearest of Dears,
I must express the anger I felt once learning about the new laws set in place. I cannot fathom the frustration you must have felt for your loved ones. Living your life constantly at the mercy of richer men sounds rather exasperating.
I’m delighted you weren’t stripped of your attendance as a consequence. I must confess, I have nearly forgotten you visited an academy. You haven’t mentioned it in quite a while. It must have slipped my mind.
Could you imagine if my initial letter to my friend Drew would have ended up at somebody’s home who was not able to read? I assume the piece of paper would have landed in a garbage ditch out of town within minutes.
It’s not their fault, of course, that they lack resources, whether time or money, to obtain a higher degree of education. I think the universe took a gamble on us. And we picked the winning horse.
If my calculations aren’t foolish, you are in your final year! (Ignore the following paragraph if I’m mistaken.) Any new discoveries made since entering the world of scholars? Have they written a book about you yet? I hope you don’t believe I’m trying to make a mockery out of you. I’m very certain when I say that one day you are going to achieve great things.
You already are! Take this from somebody who has (against his own will) met a large portion of the population, in various settings: You are the most hard-working, determined, yet simultaneously, kindest person to grace our presence with.
I have had the misfortune to encounter hundreds of incompetent and greedy people, who so clearly act out of personal interest with no regard to their surroundings.
And yet, a singular evening spent in the vicinity of you and your friends, made me have faith again. Faith that not all humans are bad. Faith in people with morals, led by pure love and thoughtful intentions.
I’m not sure how often I can reiterate this before you get sick of my presence altogether, however, you are a good person, Dream. A man caught in dire circumstances. And you are going to go on and do even better things. Maybe next week, maybe in 30 years.
You know who isn’t a good person? My older brother. I do think that if I have to listen to him berate me for hours and hours on more than one occasion, I might just take an example of our beloved French companions, and chop his head off.
His constantly selfish demeanor can be incredibly exhausting. One would think you get used to the habits and personality of your family members since you grew up with them.
Merely because of his age, he believes our parents were fonder of him, therefore my sister and I should let him fulfill his duties alone. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m glad he is taking over the initiative and running the household, more or less.
My issue is the fact that he feels the need to rub it in our faces every opportunity he can get his greasy hands on. It almost feels like everything he touches, withers away right before my eyes.
In juxtaposition to this, is my angel younger sister. I’m uncertain if my previous letter conveyed how nervous, yet excited, I was to tell her about you. It felt like a step towards acceptance.
I’m very relieved to hear confirmation about how well you get along with your siblings. I’m happy they have somebody like you to look up to and see as a role model. Perhaps I have the opportunity to meet them in person one day. They sound like incredible children to be around.
I do think it goes without saying that you can share my stories and everyday life with them. Whatever makes them sleep better at night (literally). I’m happy to contribute in any way I can, even if it results in them making fun of me.
I hope the new season treats you and your family well. Do not hesitate to reach out for assistance once the cold gets too bothersome.
With Sincere Regards, Your Novelist, G
September 10th, 1864
Berlin
My Dear Friend,
How are feeling this frigid afternoon? Thank you for your inquiry about my studies. I think they are progressing rather pleasantly. My physics professor and I get along well. Sometimes I stay after the course is finished to talk to him.
He is leading an interesting life. He has a wife, but only one lone child. I didn’t dare to ask why, however, he seemed content. I think he views me as his student, yes, but perhaps also as a friend. I’m by far the youngest one in attendance.
Maybe that’s why he is so curious about my life. I talked to him about a lot of hardships that come with taking care of so many young, innocent children.
I am in constant fear of doing something wrong. Perhaps something that will send them down the wrong path.
I quickly learned about his interest in politics, as well. Apparently, he is part of the same club as
we
I am, but he attends meetings in a different location. It’s a bonus having people from the upper class on our side when things escalate.
I know for certain he could lose his occupation the second a figure of authority finds out about his past time activities.
I’m uncertain what I would like to do once I’m finished and receive my certificate. I will have to stop working as a roofer. I believe. No matter how much it hurts my heart. Letting Lu work by himself is a scary thought.
I could have sworn it was just yesterday when he was taking his first steps. Now he is almost an adult.
I’m terrified of getting older and being left behind.
Maybe one day you will be working under me, old rich man. I’m slowly but surely climbing up the steps of the economic ladder of wealth. I’m taking your kind down, one step at a time.
In all seriousness: I deeply hope it will secure me a better occupation that allows me more free time and security. If I had to choose, I would like to work while continuing my studies. It feels like I have barely graced the tip of the iceberg with my 5 years of higher education.
The aforementioned professor and I have been developing a new experiment regarding constellations and the axis of the earth. In order for it to come to fruition, I will have to sacrifice more of my time in a laboratory, even if I am no longer an attendee.
I use the word “sacrifice” in a very light sense of the word. I’m passionate about this upcoming project. This might be a big thing that lands me in history and science books. Into the books which people will be reading who aren’t even born yet.
Your kind words manage to fill me with glee every single time. I cannot express how grateful I am to be considered one of your dearest friends.
And thank you for your offer if the winter gets too harsh again this year. You know I’m rather hesitant to accept help from other people. But I would give up my dignity to secure the well-being of my siblings. Therefore I will notify you, if necessary.
I wish you a pleasant start to the season. And may your brother finally learn how to behave.
Faithfully, Your Friend, Dream.
September 22nd, 1864
Berlin
Beloved Companion,
My apologies if this letter were to reach you in less fortunate times. Perhaps I’m acting out of instincts or something I saw in my dreams. Your lack of response has raised concern for me.
I truly do not wish to integrate if this is a private matter for you. I would just like to be assured about your whereabouts and safety, nothing more.
Do not feel pressured in any way to hurry your clearly very important matter along for my sake. I do understand you are a very busy man, with duties and responsibilities on his hands.
Maybe I have gotten so used to the influx of letters from you on a regular basis that the absence makes me feel strange. You are not to blame for my clinginess. I am perhaps more sensitive than typically assumed by other men.
That being said, instead of whining about uncomfortable circumstances, I take my pen in hand to tell you something interesting that occurred last weekend at the bar.
I was sitting at one of the bigger round tables near the end. You know the one right next to that hideous painting Frank refuses to take down, no matter how much everybody begs him to.
I was there with my usual people, you know Sapnap, Bad, Punz, and surely a few others whose names I cannot recall right now. It was getting late, later than we usually are comfortable staying out in case we attract attention for suspicious activities.
This elderly lady came up to us out of nowhere. There was something strange about her. Firstly, you rarely ever see women so late out in the evening, and even then they typically are around our age. She could barely walk without having to pause for a second to catch her breath.
It was a peculiar sight to behold. Nonetheless, Bad stood up before any of us could and offered her a seat. It made me question why she had walked so far to the back of the bar in the first place.
Most people linger near the bar, because, well, that’s where you can get something to drink. Bad also must have noticed and asked the woman whether she would like something to drink.
We didn’t want to be rude to her for no reason, perhaps she was just a sweet old lady, having fun. I think we were more concerned than anything.
We sat there and talked to her for a while about god and everything. She claimed to have worked in the castle for decades before having to be put off due to old age.
She had very insightful stories about the royal family. Who knows how much she was untruthful about?
According to her, she worked most of her life as a nanny and housmaid in the castle, and stood in direct contact with all the family members. She took it even a step further and claimed to have raised at least two of the former King’s children.
All night she told us tales about King Grimwald and his little brother Prince George. She made them sound so innocent and unassuming. The look in her eyes told more than any words could. Maybe she was a crazy old lady, but the fond look reflecting in her eyes, almost made it seem like she was talking about her very own children.
Did you know that Prince George is also an experienced equestrian? Just like you! The lady said he always cared so deeply for his companion, even when he was still young. She added that the two brothers could for the life of them not get along while growing up.
You would think that the life of the royal family is all sunshine and smiles since they present themselves that way.
It’s interesting to think about all the family members who are not in the limelight. I, for one, barely even remembered that King Grimwald had a younger sister, Geraldine, as well. (Somebody must have been very creative coming up with names for their children) One barely ever gets a glimpse of her.
I do believe, however, that Prince George stands out greatly from the rest. I cannot explain it but he appears more… human. With his looks, I’m sure he got himself a kind lady somewhere. There has only been a handful of occasions where I heard him speak about current matters. Even then, he seemed more compassionate and understanding, and definitely more liberal than his older brother.
These assumptions of mine were confirmed by the sweet old lady. After their parents passed away, Kind Grimwald was thrown into these responsibilities with nearly no preparations at all. Hell, he was barely even old enough to be crowned ruler.
That is why she believes that the oldest of the siblings always looks disgruntled and unsatisfied. He is merely a lost little boy looking for guidance in any direction he can find. More often than not, these happen to be wealthy men with clear goals.
But who knows, maybe she is an excellent liar after all. Perhaps she was good enough to mesmerize all 6 of us at the table for the whole night. I think it must have surpassed the early hours of the morning by the time I finally stepped foot into my home.
I secretly wish she would return for the next time I am at the club.
Do you believe her? You seem by a far lot more experienced when it comes to human interactions. Again, I hope you and your family are doing all right. You do not own me, however, I would be delighted about a brief update on your situation.
Sincerely, Your Corcened Companion, Dream
October 15th, 1864
Berlin
Honored Friend,
An entire month has passed by now without any word from you. I really do not want to intrigue you in your personal life since you clearly do not want to share the matter at hand with me.
Are you doing alright?
That’s all I have to know for the time being. A simple note or short letter. Some sign of life. I have thought about the possibility of you leaving the country for a month once again like you did when we first met. It is entirely possible that I slipped your mind to inform me about it.
If that is the case, you are probably back home now, reading my desperate letters to you while laughing about them. Maybe your response will reach me before you can read these lines. In that case, forget about foolish antics.
Surely you are just doing weird things that wealthy families do, therefore I have no idea about it. You wouldn’t leave me like that without a rhyme or reason.
I miss you.
I’m being childish, I think. Nothing even happened to you. A busy man like you simply doesn’t have the time always to respond. Because why would you purposefully avoid me? That doesn’t like the G I know of.
Those 2 years of age difference between us are finally coming to shine. I feel like a small child crying for his parents.
Maybe that’s why it aches so bad.
My next resort will be trying to find you, just so you are aware. If you are purposefully ignoring me, that is alright. I just ask you to tell me. I will stop.
I cannot stop myself from imagining worse and worse scenarios that could have taken place. Perhaps you were on a trip but something tragic happened with the carriage. Or perhaps it wasn’t an accident.
Maybe somebody was purposefully trying to hurt you and your loved ones.
That couldn’t be true. Who could be that malicious toward an innocent stranger? What wrong have you ever done to deserve such treatment? I do not believe it.
Perhaps you got caught up in the actions of the city. The voices are getting louder these days. I reckon it’ll only be a short while until violence erupts throughout the provinces. Maybe they already have and the news hasn’t reached us yet.
Perhaps that explains your absence.
Your birthday is coming up. You are getting old, Grandpa. Perhaps you will be ready for retirement by next year. 26 years of age and sharing a home with your siblings whom you despise. An interesting life you are leading to say the least. Not everybody’s preferred choice, that’s for sure.
I hope you are feeling well. You know where to find me.
Best of Wishes, Your
Companion
Friend, Dream.
November 1st, 1864
Berlin
My Friend,
It’s pathetic, I am aware, to be drafting a letter so soon after my last inquiry. It’s your birthday, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
I hope you are spending your special day well, at last. I hope at least you are having fun out of the two of us.
How could you do this to me? I thought we had something. I thought we were special. I have many friends but none of them have ever made me care about them this much.
You were a constant piece of joy in my life that I could carry around anywhere.
What have I done, G? What could I have possibly done for you to abandon me like this?
I hate you.
I’m sure you think you are just so much better than me, right? With all your fortune, and traveling around the world?
Was I nothing more to you than a charity project? A fun side activity you could leave behind once you had your fun with me?
I read through our old letters once again and surely… surely I didn’t make this all up? I thought-
I resent you for being able to just… move on when it’s convenient to you. I despise you for the way you gave my life meaning. I existed in this sole lane of contentness. Do you know why? Because no matter how many extra shifts I had to work. No matter how many bad news I had to endure. In the back of my mind I knew, there was this somebody out there who cared about me.
Somebody who would want me to return safely to my family at the end of each day. Somebody who took a liking to me and my strange little family.
Somebody who accepted me for who I was. No questions asked.
I thought good things were finally starting to happen to me. Finally, it was my turn to be happy! It would have worked out perfectly. I’m nearly done with my studies at the academy and Amy has surpassed the age of need for constant surveillance.
We could’ve-
I could’ve found a house to live in and start a new life in.
And then you disappeared. Just like that. Like nothing is tying you to Berlin. There probably isn’t.
Now that I think about it, I barely even knew you. Not your name, or any of your family for that matter, what you looked like, where you worked, your parents. Nothing.
Who are you, G?
Wherever you might be, don’t come back. Don’t try to talk to me or any of my siblings. I haven’t told them what happened yet. I just don’t know how to break the truth to them.
How do I tell them that they now have to go back to work? If worse comes to worse, there is no more mysterious friend to rely on as a last resort.
Janet will have to start working out in the cold this winter if we want to afford firewood. Maybe even little Karl needs to go out and help.
You promised you would help us.
You promised you wouldn’t let us down, or let me down!
I think I’m in love with you.
Happy Birthday, G.
Respectfully,
Your Friend Companion Yours
, Dream
November 15th, 1864
Berlin
Honored
Acquaintance
Friend,
Days, and days pass and I am truly going insane with each one of them. No sane person would torture themself by keeping up this fruitless correspondence (if you can even call it that).
It has come to my attention that all of my letters are still getting delivered, instead of turning up on my porch a few days later. That means that you or someone at your home is aware of these papers and purposefully ignoring them.
I’ve fully excluded the option that you might have been badly hurt. Even if Berlin is located by far in the most populated state, news of a tragic accident would have reached the capital either way.
I’ve been skimming through newspapers like a maniac these past months. Maybe I was hoping to see a terrific announcement with your involvement. It sounds morbid, but my heart and mind would finally be at peace, knowing you haven’t left me with intent.
But at last, that is not the case and I can safely assume you are reading this letter, as well as my previous ones. For what reason I am uncertain.
The only thing left for me to do here is ask for your forgiveness for whatever unknown sin I might have committed. I can promise to change whatever it might be that bothers you to this extent.
I might have asked too much of you, which I’m terribly sorry for. I will not ask to meet anymore, and I promise not to bother you about details from your personal life.
I also understand how these vomits of emotions can become irritating. Just say the words, and I will put a halt to my actions immediately. Maybe I have indeed misread our situation.
If it makes it easier for you, we can forget this entire thing even happened. Send me a letter talking about your day and I won’t ever say a word. We can start anew.
God, I miss you.
I will even stop boring you with all the political nonsense. I can be your average, cool friend you can talk to about the weather. Even though it’s becoming more and more difficult to ignore the pressing matters in our small nation. Hopefully, it will blow over before more men have to die.
I cannot resist the urge to talk about King Grimwald's dire situation. Such a young age and yet so sick. A lot of speculation about whether somebody purposefully attempted to poison him. Perhaps he truly caught a unique illness.
Everything is falling apart at its seams. We have reached a climax in events and now things crash and burn faster than one can blink.
I simply don’t know how I will live on without ever getting answers from you.
Please come back to me.
Faithfully, Your Friend, Dream
January 3rd, 1865
Berlin
Admired Stranger,
I have come to realize these letters served as a diary of sorts for me, too. I miss having a pen in hand and bringing my thoughts and emotions down on paper. It served as a great tool to reflect on the past week’s happenings.
I have briefly considered writing my feelings down in a small notebook. However, that just fills me with more disappointment than one lone soul can bear. When I first tried, it felt freeing in the beginning, but when I closed my book at the end of the night, a part of me knew nobody was ever going to read those, no matter how much I wished it was true.
I reckon that is the occasion for writing you a letter today.
The holidays have been rough on me. I think some of my siblings are starting to take notice of my declining health. I try to hide it to the best of my abilities, but they are smarter than they might appear to the naked eye.
I’d like to take pride that I raised them to be natural caregivers. Perhaps it was a mistake.
Mother always used to talk to me about being kind to each other. Not like she was a local expert on human relations.
I stopped going to the bar. Getting lost in drinks seemed too easy while I sat there, zoning out. I yearn for nothing more than to forget about my problems and down cooled beverages until I don’t wake up.
It wouldn’t be fair to Amy. Oh, poor, Amy. Barely five and still so innocent. Hasn’t done a single thing wrong and yet God punishes her with my presence.
My physics professor wrote me a letter last Monday. My heart nearly broke its way through my ribcage. I swore to myself “Do not get excited until you see its contents!”. I was bound to be disappointed. I was right. It wasn’t from you. It hasn’t been from you in half a year.
He reached out to me since I've stopped visiting the academy. I only go for mandatory courses that allow me to reach my certification quicker. Everything else is secondary.
I must have memorized all of your letters by now. Not a single one left I haven’t read at least 50 times. Words cannot describe how miserable I felt while doing so. It’s the sweetest type of torture.
You know fire will burn your skin, yet there is this underlying urge fueled by curiosity to just… touch it, either way. And then you do. And it burns your skin. Exactly like you predicted it would.
And then you do it again. Because perhaps… eventually this time it will be different. Maybe now the fire will be kinder, less relentless to you. Or maybe your skin has gotten thicker.
I don't know what I'm talking about half the time I write these letters. You always made speaking about personal things easier.
the warmth and wittiness that always accompanied your words, as if drenched in love. How could I not love you?
Will I ever stop?
Sincerely, Your Friend, Dream
October 17th, 1865
Berlin
Dear Stranger,
It’s you, isn’t it? Prince George? Or, King George now, I suppose.
In hindsight, it is so obvious. The secret name, constantly hiding your face, the lack of details when talking about your family members, the wealth, your annoying brother who was oddly familiar.
A part of me is mad that you wouldn't tell me right from the beginning, another part of me is glad. Because perhaps I would have stopped correspondence, knowing you and your family were the root of most of my problems.
I'm happy to have known you as the smart, passionate, and caring G, who loves his sister and has a favorite horse, instead of the powerful, controlling King most people know you as now.
I know you never chose to be a royal. I know it wasn't in your hands when you were born. It wasn’t in your hands when your brother passed either.
Yet, the choices lie in your hands now. How you may utilize them and what you achieve with them, is your responsibility now. I can't command you to do what I want.
The only thing I ask of you is to trust yourself.
You may despise me, but think about the people at our club, think about the sweet old lady who raised you, think about little Karl, doomed to suffocate in poverty and smoke.
I have made peace with your absence. Therefore, this will be my last letter to you.
I thought about it for hours, and days, and weeks, and months, and yet… I could speculate until the sun burns out for what reason you didn't answer on that fateful day in September.
I realize now that it doesn't matter. It won't change the fact that you left.
Everybody is growing up to be healthy and strong. I got hired by the academy to assist one of their galactic studies. We opened a new bar, since demand was too high to maintain.
Life is good. It could be better, but isn't that always the case?
What a tragic ending.
Thank you for everything you have done for my family. We are very grateful.
I hope October treats you well, G.
Ever Yours, Clay