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“Just - Chris, please, man, please listen to me alright. If - If something -”
“Bro, please shut up. Like, right now .” Chris huffs as he moves to double check Josh’s wrists.
Josh is currently lying prone on his back across their bed in only a pair of striped navy blue and grey boxers. Chris is standing similarly stripped down beside the bed. Both of Josh’s wrists are bound tightly to the knob on their headboard with the softest tie that Chris could possibly find in Target. The tied up male is still shifting around impossibly, a nervous tick. Also stubbornly keeping his eyes shut and Chris can see that he’s chewing the inside of his cheek on the side with incisors that can chew. Not needle teeth that rip and tear. They’re now filed down to safer proportions, but still sharp at the ends regardless of efforts otherwise.
The skin around the left side of Josh’s mouth is mended now, for the most part. It will never, ever be the same, of course. But the surgery and skin grafts took well. That’s what the doctors said. Now only the canines protrude through the skin a bit, a menacing clamp of teeth that Chris knows Josh carries immense shame for. But at least Josh will reciprocate Chris’ kisses now.
Chris remembers before, when Josh would shove Chris away every time he attempted anything intimate in the area. Feathering touches were jerked away from, forget kissing of any sort - sometimes just look from Chris and he watched Josh abruptly and chaotically spiral downward in seconds. That was the worst of it, and sometimes it still happens. But in general, Josh is better.
He’s wanting to do things again. Wanting to function again.
And now there’s this. The plan that Chris and Josh had sat down and made two and a half weeks ago coming to fruition.
Chris wants Josh to get so lost in something that he won’t be able to think he’s a monster.
Watching as Josh inhales shakily, Chris sets his weight down on the bed beside Josh. “Dude, I know what you’re worried about, alright? I get it, but let’s remember that you literally haven’t had any slip ups past your first four months. What month are we on?” Chris leans closer to Josh and makes sure the action is obvious as he goes to smooth a hand along Josh’s stomach and feel the muscles there coil beneath the touch. “Oh, that’s right, month fourteen.” Chris hums. “You’re not a threat, man.”
Josh sighs, face still screwed up. “Ever heard of relapsing?”
Chris makes a frustrated sound, but thinks about the alternatives Josh has said in response before: “I’m always going to be a monster.” ”There’s never been any hope for me, not since Beth and Hannah.”
Josh is seeing himself as someone again. It’s okay to think of yourself as broken, cracks can always be healed with time. But when you see yourself as biologically unable to be different or change, to get better - everything is viewed as a useless. There’s only one outcome with a perspective like that. It took so long for Josh to surface from that drowning mindset.
“Oh my god, bro -” Chris replies, shaking his head. Instead of continuing, Chris bends over to place a kiss on the right side of Josh’s jaw. Josh’s head turns a minuscule few centimeters from the touch but Chris is determined. He moves his head, capturing Josh’s lips in a kiss, the area where they start to pull off due to the canines is an odd sensation but one Chris has embraced because it’s Josh. Chris can feel the pout resting on them, the hesitance burning beneath the surface of Josh’s face. But Chris keeps on - adjusting, urging Josh to open up.
And then, pleasantly, Josh does. His lips part and allow Chris to deepen the kiss tenderly, his tongue tracing along Josh’s lower lip before meeting Josh’s languidly. It’s as timid as just about everything is between them in intimacy. Josh afraid he will break and force Chris along for the rollercoaster. Chris knowing that he won’t but prepared to handle it if he does.
Josh always tastes odd now, an outlandishly foreign twist that Chris suspects a side effect of the transformation, but also Josh tastes faintly like a handful of pennies.
The iron supplements that Josh weaned off of completely months ago had helped him with his ‘cravings.’ Although by that point Josh had told Chris he was confident that the itching sensation to… eat… was completely dissipated four months previous, the doctors had recommended Josh continue with the doses and increasingly lower intakes so that Josh could get accustomed. Despite the time that’s passed since Josh has stopped taking them, the traces of the supplements are still poignant between Josh’s natural taste.
Chris finally pulls back, though he feels like he could have gone on kissing Josh for the rest of his life And then Chris recalls that he can kiss Josh for the rest of his life and let’s out a small breathy exhale as he smiles at Josh in the wake of their session. The noise makes Josh’s eyes crack open to look at Chris.
“What? What is it?” Josh asks, lips parted slightly and blushing.
“You totally look like a virgin, and totally adorable, bro.” Chris comments with a snicker, one hand raising to fix the way his glasses are sitting on the bridge of his nose.
Josh’s blush deepens as he lets out a laugh too. Chris’ heart flutters at the sound, and skips at the smile pressing onto Josh’s features. “Bro, you’re gonna give me balls bluer than the ocean.” Josh responds, and Chris knows it’s to divert attention to a new topic.
“You asked for it!” Chris says in a mock-warning tone as he turns pounce over Josh. Josh immediately barks out a loud fit of laughter that Chris mirroring as he straddles Josh’s waist and digs his fingers into Josh’s sides to tickle him.
“You -- fuck - nuggetting - sonuva dirty - Chris - !” Josh heaves between breaths under the onslaught from Chris’ hands working away at his sides. As quickly as he’d begun Chris snaps his hands away and up into the air. Josh’s laughter dies and leaves only breathless inhales from the male tied up beneath Chris. “You are SO lucky that these binds are on me, Cochise, otherwise I’d -”
“You would eat me?” Chris snarks.
He can handle it.
But there is a pause. Josh processing, figuring out his feelings. Chris can see the sparks flinging themselves from the gears grinding through Josh’s mind. Then, very slowly, nervously, even the canines quirk upwards along with the other side of his lips as Josh smirks.
“Maybe.”
Chris grins and doubles forward to take Josh’s lips in another meaningful kiss. It feels easy and sweet - and again, Chris could let this alone happen for eternity between them.
But instead Chris rears back from Josh and leans over to grapple with the bedside table drawer, yanking it open and digging around inside. Chris removes the bottle of lube that’s been there for… for some amount of time. And then leans back on his haunches with it in his hands, pausing as he sees Josh staring up at him.
“You’re still okay? Still ready?” Chris asks, concern welded to each letter Chris speaks.
Josh’s face is red and he nods his head at Chris, breathing deeply. Chris takes it in stride and drops the lubricant beside him for later as well as taking off his glasses to set them aside.
This washes an expression of confusion over Josh.
Chris changes his position, moving to sit between Josh’s legs. But Chris doesn’t stop there, scooting back a bit more before settling and hooking his fingers beneath the waistband of Josh’s boxers to pull them down.
Josh realizes what’s happens and drags in a new breath of anticipation. “Chris…” Is murmured softly from Josh’s lips.
“Just lay your head back on the pillows. It’ll be fine.” Chris assures Josh and is glad to see Josh comply. Except he can tell it would be better if Josh’s hands weren’t tied up out of use. But it was something Josh had been ridiculously dead set on.
So Chris turns his attention Josh’s cock - not erect yet, but that can be rectified. One of Chris’ hands takes Josh’s cock by the base and drags up just below the head. Chris can feel the friction between his bare skin and Josh’s sensitive flesh, Josh’s jaw sets with a small, mewling noise trickling quietly from his lips. After repeating the motion to get Josh’s cock interested, Chris leans his head forward to mouth at the tip of Josh’s cock. Chris’ free arm hooks under Josh’s leg to push it up and rest along Chris’ shoulder and back.
At this Josh let’s out a low groan as Chris continues on, tongue swirling around the head of Josh’s cock more before he pulls off. With a glance above him, Chris sees Josh has his face nuzzled into the side of his arm, eyebrows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut at the influx of sensations.
Tonguing a wet stripe from the base of Josh’s cock along the underside to the frenulum, Chris once again engulfs the end of Josh’s cock in the wet space of his mouth. This time Chris bobs his head, taking in more of Josh while trying not to trigger his own gag reflex. Chris simultaneously couples his mouth with a twisting upwards tug of the hand he has at the base of Josh’s cock. Before Chris knows it, the other male is fully erect in his mouth - an abundance of shaken moans escaping him as he writhes beneath Chris.
Josh’s hips buck up absently into Chris’ mouth, making the blond gag slightly. With another whine, Chris hears Josh apologize. It wasn’t too hard, and not aggressive. Josh doesn’t have leverage to use much power his position anyways.
Chris keeps going, exhaling through his nose as he opens his throat more to allow Josh to be buried in his throat. Josh gasps and makes a slightly strangled sound as Chris does this, making Chris’ veins pound with satisfaction and relief as Josh’s hips twitch wantingly beneath him. Josh is wanting. He’s enjoying. If Josh wasn’t, this situation would be going much differently - by now, Chris is aware of that.
Chris contemplates leaving it here. It would be easy to get Josh off from this point. But then Chris remembers every time Josh has fallen back onto familiarity, the routine. And that’s not bad, in fact, the routine is good now given the occasional mishap.
“Wait, waitwaitwait -- Chris - “ Josh is gasping above Chris, the movement of Josh’s hip changing and trying to urge Chris off of him.
Of course Chris immediately does this, sitting back once again and letting Josh’s leg fall to his side. “Are you okay? Are you going to freak?” Chris asks without exasperation, one of his hand holds Josh’s thigh as he stares down at Josh’s face.
To Chris’ relief Josh immediately shakes his head. “No, I - I was going to -” A sheepish glint flickers through Josh’s eyes.
“I get it bro, I’ve always been good with my mouth.” Josh’s eyes snap open to look at Chris as he speaks, punctuating the statement with an up and down waggle of his eyebrows that makes Josh let out a subdued laugh.
“Oh my god, man.” Josh replies. But his tone changes as he continues, “But do you still like -...? Want to…?” Josh’s voice trails off and Chris pauses a moment before understanding.
“Oh. I mean, yeah, of course. Duh.” Chris tells Josh, and watches a mixture of anxiety and desire stain Josh’s expression. Chris leans over to peck Josh on the cheek. “Dude, just - just breathe, alright? Nothing bad is going to happen and if you really want me to stop - all you have to do is tell me.” Chris reassures Josh. It’s not as if they haven’t had sex before. But that was before everything that happened. This would be the ‘first time’ since Josh’s life was fucked over and Chris couldn’t stop it.
Josh nods again, visibly trying to keep himself relaxed as Chris leans back and takes the lubricant.
Chris uncaps the lube, drizzling a fairly gratuitous amount across his fingers and palm and spreading it around. “It’s cool, man.” Chris says again as he trails his hand down to Josh’s entrance. “Relax.” Chris looks up at Josh. “Hey, Josh, c’mon -” He gets his attention, blue eyes meeting green. “Do you trust me?” Chris stares at Josh pointedly.
After a couple seconds Josh nods a third time, a few slow movements of his head. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Josh breathes. And Chris lets his index finger circle the ring of muscle before slipping into Josh, who inhales sharply.
Pushing his finger deeper into Josh as he leans up, Chris slots his lips against Josh’s to kiss him, bracing one hand on the bed sheets beside them. Chris swallows the small whine Josh makes as Chris works the finger inside of him, twisting and curling it. As he pulls it out almost all of the way, Chris breaks the kiss long enough to say, “Stay with me, Josh, stay relaxed.” And he joins a second finger with the first.
“Chris -” Josh chokes, his head lurching up to instead claim Chris’ lips in a kiss. The kiss makes Chris melt into Josh as he presses two fingers deeper into Josh, who’s whimpering against his mouth as he does.
Feeling Josh enabling himself to be more pliant, Chris pushes deeper into Josh. Chris slides them in and out slowly, carefully and taking his time. But Josh still meets Chris’ fingers with mild resistance, and each time Josh tenses Chris pauses and waits for him to adjust.
But as their kiss deepens, Chris savoring the unique mixture of tastes from Josh’s mouth, he thrusts them forward with more purpose - searching for the spot inside of Josh that would make him really unwind and indulge in the sensations.
Chris watches as Josh’s head jerks back against the pillows as the male lets out a loud keening sound. There it is. Chris strokes his fingers over the spot a second time, listening to Josh’s noises resound through their bedroom. Then he scissors the two fingers and pushes forward onto the area again. “Oh, fu-ck! God, Chris,” Josh cries.
Chris can’t hide the smile plastered across his face. “Still good?” He coos, trailing kisses down the side of Josh’s throat.
He can feel Josh’s adam’s apple bob as he swallows and replies, “So - so good, oh fuck.” Josh huffs - accompanied by a groan, and Chris feels Josh’s hips roll down slightly onto his fingers. But Chris doesn’t remove them right away as it becomes apparent Josh is adjusting to the preparation. Instead Chris continues to languorously work Josh open on them, making sure that Josh is lubed enough that it will barely hurt when Chris pushes into him, if at all.
But eventually Josh responds with impatience, wrists tugging at the tie keeping them bound to get Chris’ attention. “Chris, a-alright. Alright, can - I just want - want you inside of me,” Josh says in a strangled tone, incisors digging into his bottom lip as he whimpers. “Please.”
This time Chris can’t refuse. He drags his fingers out of Josh, who groans at the loss, and grabs the bottle of lube again. Pouring out more across his fingers, Chris fists his own erection which he has been dutifully ignoring to tend to his boyfriend. He spread the lube across his dick fully and inhales deeply as he guides himself back to Josh’s hole - his free hand taking Josh’s leg to hold it against his side.
He and Josh both take a deep breath as Chris gently drives into him. Chris watches the head of his cock slip inside of Josh, unable to hold back the breathless moan that escapes him at the sight.
Chris sinks into Josh at a steady pace that Josh appears to take with enough ease. Faint whimpers part Josh’s lips all the way until Chris is fully sheathed inside the darker male. At which point Chris falls forward with a groan, pressing his forehead to Josh’s.
“You trust me, Josh.” Chris says, hands moving up to the tie around Josh’s wrists. Josh immediately shakes his head. “And I trust you.”
“M-mm, Chris, no. Chris, d-don’t -” But Josh’s protests are futile as Chris undoes the bindings. For a minute Josh must not know what to do with his hands, because he holds them still even without the tie to keep them up. But then after a minute Chris feels them wind around his back and feels how they’re shaking, trembling fingers that dig into his shoulder blades as Chris places another kiss on Josh’s cheek, and then the corner of his mouth where the canines distort it, and then on his lips.
Chris mimics Josh’s actions, reaching behind Josh to cradle the male against himself so that Josh is in his lap. Josh nuzzles into the side of his neck, exhaling unevenly against the skin there and releasing a groan as Chris softly thrusts up into Josh’s body. Chris’ own breath hitches as well.
Not receiving any signals to cease his actions, Chris replicates the motion to draw more noise from Josh. The heat of this, of Josh, is one that Chris had forgotten the raw intensity of. Being as close as he can be, physically, with Josh - it’s transcendent of anything else that Chris has ever known. And it wouldn’t be that way if it were anyone other than Josh.
Josh’s arms have moved to embrace around Chris’ neck, his knees now digging into the bed on either side of Chris as they move in tandem, working as one. Chris focuses on not faltering in the strength and pace of his thrusts. He could imagine fucking harshly into Josh, like Josh used to tell him to. But not yet, they would have to build up to that.
But this way is just as good. This: with gradual, slow movements where Chris and Josh can feel everything, every spark of sensation, friction, and emotion that happens between them - pinpoint every inch of skin contact where they’re connected. This way Chris can make absolutely sure that Josh knows that he is still worth every second that he breathes since Josh is having trouble accepting the fact in the form of words.
And Josh whimpers and moans against Chris’ throat like everything he’s undergoing in the moment is unbearable, which might deter Chris usually, but Josh raises his hips and drops them back onto Chris with that same trepidation-and-concupiscence infused tint. So Chris tilts his head back and groans, canting his hips again, and meets Josh’s eyes before urging him into another kiss full of tongue and care.
“I love you so much.” Josh mumbles in a brittle voice against Chris’ lips. His voice wavering like he might cry.
“I love you, too, Josh. I love you.” Chris responds, kind of like he might cry too. But it might just be the overwhelming barrage of physical commotion between them. And that would be awkward.
One of Chris’ hands move to caress the side of Josh’s face around the area of his canines and then slides to clasp the nape of his neck. The next deep thrust of Chris’ cock solicits a choked mewl from Josh that is music to Chris’ ears. “Right there.” Josh babbled almost incoherently in front of Chris, green eyes fluttering shut as he lets his head roll back with a moan. Chris zealously duplicates the path and another needy sound is exhaled from Josh.
Chris can feel the uncoiling of an orgasm in the pit of his stomach now, and every breath is a weighted groan of ecstasy.
Chris lets his other hand slip between him and Josh to grasp the other’s cock, still slick with Chris’ saliva from earlier. Josh’s whole body spasms, hips rocking with confusion at what to chase - Chris’ cock inside of him or Chris’ hand jerking him off. Josh’s hips move indecisively between the two, groans mingling with Chris.’
Josh is throbbing in Chris’ hand with each massaging stroke that are no doubt torturous along the shaft of Josh’s cock. Chris’ mind is a hazy cloud of lust and the want so badly to orgasm - but also the hunger to put Josh’s bliss before his own - like this, with Josh whimpering and whining subdued against him, writhing on Chris’ cock. It’s an inclination stronger than the other two.
Then Josh’s hips are trying more frantically to rut both onto Chris and into the hand leisurely pumping him. “Chris - Chris I’m going to - Oh, god -” Josh croons, and Chris nods. The pace of the hand working along Josh’s cock picks up, helping Josh race towards his finish. Chris latches his lips onto Josh’s as he feels the male’s body tense and tighten around him as Josh orgasms, mouth open with a silent cry of release. The come coats Chris’ fingers and smears the areas where their stomachs are pressed together. Josh grows heavy on top of Chris, but he doesn’t weigh much anyways, resting his head against Chris’ shoulder as a few post-orgasm tremors run through his body.
At this moment, Chris lets himself come undone in Josh’s wake. Josh groans softly as Chris releases himself inside of him.
Chris lowers Josh down onto his back again to pull out of him and hop off their bed to stride to the bathroom for a rag. Once they’re cleaned up and tucked beneath the bed sheets together, Chris finds himself staring up at the ceiling. His whole body is heavy, bricks made of tiredness resting on his chest. Josh is lying half on top of him on his stomach, on arm draped lazily across Chris’ chest and head turned to one side to rest over Chris’s forearm - the hand of which plays gently with Josh’s hair.
Chris cocks his head to the right to peer at Josh. At this angle, the side of Josh’s face bearing canines is showing. It’s nice this way, to see Josh asleep like this, not worrying, hiding or thinking about them. Chris hopes one day that Josh will see them as simply a new part of himself instead of a mark of grief and self-loathing, but he knows that will never truly happen, not 100%, for Josh. So Chris accepts that he will have to do that for him. It’s part of why Chris doesn’t even picture what Josh was like without them anymore, dwelling on the immeasurable differences between then and now.
Chris presses a kiss to Josh’s shoulder and let’s his eyelids close, falling asleep to Josh’s stable breathing.