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Captain James T. Kirk, the former admiral, and a man of infamy, sits alone at a table in the coldest, greyest cantina he’s ever seen. Though it does have the largest windows out of any place on Spacedock One. Its drab, and lonely atmosphere is well worth the chance to watch all the starships lining up to go. Unlike this cantina, all the docking ports were bursting at the seams with life.
What he wouldn’t give to be heading back out there again.
The resounding patter of shoes tapping against the linoleum flooring. One set with purposeful, light steps. For every graceful step, there’s two more, solid, but barely louder steps. Jim can’t help but smile. Spock and Bones have found him sulking again.
Without a word, Bones pulls out the seat closest to Jim. Metal scrapes across the floor. Such sounds haven’t made Jim flinch in years, but the inquiring look on Bones face, causes him to pull back slightly. Bones raises a brow. Jim smiles innocently and tries to play it off.
Spock claims the chair on the other side of Bones, and right across from Jim. He easily lifts it up and pulls it back just far enough for him to sit comfortably.
McCoy leans over the table, resting both of his arms folded up, on top of it. Bones presses one of his elbows against Jim’s wrist. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Jim snorts at that. At least he didn’t have any coffee in his mouth. Otherwise, it would have shot all over the table, and the doctor himself. “Do you have a penny?”
“No.”
Just as he thought. Chances were Bones didn’t even know that term until their adventure with the whales.
Spock leans closer, not as far over the table, as Bones. Really he just leaned closer to the old doctor. “Then why offer it in return for his thoughts?”
With a roll of his eyes, Bones grins. “It’s a saying Spock.” Once upon a time, he knew that. Their local Earth historian.
Relief once again fills Jim’s chest. It doesn’t matter what has been lost. Spock is back. He’s sitting where he always should be, with Bones and himself, talking about stars, and life. Stars that all those ships are about to go see.
“Look at them?” Kirk felt almost breathless. “I wonder where they’re going.”
Bones leans his head into his hand. “Anywhere.” His fingers tap against the table. “Everywhere.” The doctor shrugs as if it didn’t matter.
How anyone could think that, Jim would never understand. Even here, in the space station closest to home, millions of stars glitter, and gleam. They shine brighter without any atmosphere to dull them. Their light singing like a siren’s song, calling out to all who can see.
“You can always check their routes.” Spock taps the PADD on the table in front of Jim. “Your starfleet codes give you access to all registered, non-special missions and routes.”
McCoy give Spock a side glance. “Mouthy as always, but he’s right Jim.”
They were missing it. “That’s not the point.” All of that right before them, and neither saw it.
“Wanderlust got you in it’s grips again?” Jim forces his eyes to shut. McCoy may not see what he sees when looking out into space, but he has hit the proverbial nail on its head.
“You could say that.” Jim looks back at his partners. There’s a sadness in his chest. How many adventures have they been on? All those new planets explored, aliens they’ve met, people saved, and so much more. The highs and the lows. He should remember it all fondly, but leave it be, and yet. “They can go anywhere, see everything,” Spock opens his mouth to argue the semantics. McCoy silences him with a loose elbow jab. Jim should be grateful just to still have them. To still be alive. “Traveling is for the young.”
“Jim,” A warm, aged hand finds Jim’s. He half expects his own fingers to be crushed under the weight of McCoy’s the way he’s aged. It doesn’t. Bones squeezes Jim’s hand gently. “you’re retired now but that doesn’t mean we can’t fly.”
Spock nods. He was the only one who could easily gain control of a starfleet ship again. Vulcan years and all that. “It’s true, captain.”
“Jim, Spock.” He doesn’t even mind how obvious a plea it is. “Call me Jim.”
“You still hold the rank of captain.” Spock prattles on. McCoy’s glare went by completely unnoticed.
“Spock.” The vulcan opens his mouth, and Bones shakes his head. Spock promptly shuts it again. This time there’s a new fire in McCoy’s eyes as he excitedly suggests, “Let’s just get a ship of our own. We have plenty of credits between us. All we’d have to do is give Scotty a call and we’d have an engineer on hand. Uhura might even tag along.”
Jim could picture it now. All the articles that would run about the Enterprise’s addled bridge crew going out and seeking lost glory in their old age. Their last years. “We’d need a considerably sized ship to host 5 people.” And it would still be no Enterprise.
“Not that big.” Bones looks to Spock who gives a curt nod. “Not unless everyone needs their own rooms.”
Spock tilts his head. “An office space to work in would be preferable.”
That pulls a grin out of Bones. “We’ll find a ship with a science lab then.”
Jim interrupts with a shake of his head and years of experience weighing his shoulders down, “I’m too old to start again. A new ship, new crew-”
McCoy scoffs. Jim lets out a hollow laugh. One that’s more of an expelling breath then anything else. “Well, old crew on a new ship. We’d have to learn it all again, and I don’t think I can.”
Spock lies his hand on top of McCoy’s. The one that’s still squeezing Jim’s fingers. “You undersell yourself.” There’s a haughty weight in Spock’s words. Bones’ grip tightens.
If only that was it. These two truly believe that they could do it again. Go out there, and keep exploring the way they had been.
As if they wouldn’t have to stick around planets already discovered, and stations filled with people who’ve heard their names. The places would be new to them, but not new, new. It wouldn’t be exciting. It would be rules, and so much risk, for no reward. He couldn’t ask them to head into certain death for nothing.
“No.” Jim closes his eyes and wills himself to be content. “Traveling the cosmos is a young man’s game.”
Suddenly their hands leave his. Jim ignores his heart as it aches for their comforting touch. Tired eyes struggle to open. He’s not ready to face reality. To say goodbye to not only those ships but the dreams of new adventures.
McCoy’s bright blue eyes are narrowed with uncertainty. There’s a nervous air around him. As if someone had just told him he’d have to test-run an experimental transporter. “So what do you want to do Jim?”
Jim leans back. He shoves both hands into his pockets. “Sit here.” He languidly turns his head back towards the towering windows. “Watch the ships.”
“Wallowing in sadness is hardly a sensible choice. You will continue to feel melancholic if you do not attempt to assuage such feelings.” Spock’s right.
“He may not be a doctor, but he’s right Jim.”
Jim could almost hear the doctor’s silent, ‘ain't he always’.
Spock had no intention of being silent. “Of course I am. You do not need a medical-”
“Stop talking now Spock,” McCoy orders. Jim could see him waving his hand about in the window’s reflection. “unless you want a real argument on your hands.”
Spock tilts his head, as if considering the pros and cons of continuing. Deciding against it, he once again turns his attention back on Jim. The ‘captain’ watches this on in the windows. Starships warping out of sight all the while.
What is he now?
“Jim.” Spock’s careful voice calls for his attention, and when has he ever been able to turn him down?
He turns his head and sees that Spock and McCoy had moved to press their sides together. They both reach across the table. Each holding out one hand towards him. How many times have they done this? Dozens? Hundreds?
It feels like they’re always stretching out to catch one other. Yearning for that sense of security. The one they get from each other’s touch.
“One last adventure.”
“With us Jim,” Spock adds.
Jim laughs. A real, honest, childlike laugh. He shakes his head. They’re going to regret this. What’s out there for them now is nothing compared to what used to be.
A whole new sort of trouble.
He takes their hands, bringing them closer to himself. “One last adventure.”
McCoy breaks into a grin, as Spock lowers his head in the way he always does when pleased.
They may all live to regret this but, Jim’s never been good at staying on the ground.