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“Nervous?”
“Why would I be?”
“Your face says otherwise,”
To say that Nut wasn’t happy when his name was called out for the Best Beta VS Alpha round is definitely not it, instead he was glad and felt a bit proud. It’s time for him to prove himself once again that he deserves the Alpha title, and he won’t let go of his throne that easily. He has been challenged once, and Nut is sure he could easily pass this round again. But a part of him also feels scared, what if he lose the Alpha title today?
The reason why the MC called out his name to compete is because he got the lowest vote among the four Alphas, which make he thinks that if he went into Beta team, this would mean the chance of him debuting is at risk because he is quite sure some of them has got more votes than him. In the worst case, he could even be eliminated. But Nut doesn’t want to think about that yet. Though he remained as Alpha for quite some time, he can’t deny that he was impressed every time the Beta groups performed. A lot of them actually did better than him in terms of vocals, rap, stage aura and more that Nut could list. But he also acknowledges the skills he has though, otherwise he wouldn’t have stayed being an Alpha for so long.
Said best friend who asked about him earlier was Hong, his closest friend, aka the talented rapper and dancer and is currently on his way to the Alpha Arena venue to rehearsal along with him and the other boys. Well, technically Nut wouldn’t call their relationship as friends, but they are also not more than a couple. They have been talking for a while, and Nut feels comfortable around Hong probably because they share a similar personality.
Their rehearsal will begin at 8 and now, it’s currently 7:30 in the morning. Both of them are on the MRT train, waiting to reach their destination.
Hong must have felt the tension between them although Nut was trying to keep a straight face the whole time. So he reaches out his hands and holds one of Nut’s hands.
“You will do great today. I trust you,”
“I won’t lose my title today, won’t I?” asks him while turning his head towards the other one.
“You won’t. And even if you do, it doesn’t make you less talented than others in a way. So trust yourself, be confident and give it all in your stage today okay? I’ll be cheering for you from my seat,” reassures Hong while smiling warmly.
Seeing that makes Nut smile as well. Upon hearing his special someone saying that, he felt a lot better than before. He feels more energized by his words and is determined to go all out for his performance tonight. While waiting for the train to reach their destination, he leans his head on the other’s shoulder with their hands still intertwining with each other.
✄
“.. and the second one to become Alpha today… is..”
“A19 Nicky,”
Everyone was surprised including Hong himself. He couldn’t help but to clap as well along with his team members because before this, none of the Best Beta who challenged the Alphas managed to swapped their position. Nicky is the first one to do that, and of course he is proud of him. He admits that Nicky did well today, from his stage presence to storytelling and the theme, everything was captivating. That doesn’t mean Nut’s performance is not good though. His performance was amazing too, his vocals definitely shined throughout this performance. It’s just that Nicky’s performance had more impact today, and he deserves it. But Hong doesn’t know what or how does Nut think about it. He was looking down the whole time, not showing his face fully and when he did…
He’s happy for Nicky, don’t get him wrong. Of course in a competition, there will be a winner and the loser. And today, he loses. Something he’s worried about earlier this morning has turned into reality. He thought he was prepared enough in case he didn’t manage to secure his position today, and he will try to be positive about it. Well, now look who’s crying on the stage because he couldn’t hold back his tears. ‘This is embarrassing, I shouldn’t cry over something like this’ he thought. His mind says otherwise, but his feelings could not lie. Hence why his face is wet from all the tears streaming down his face.
“Nut, you have always been sitting on the throne. But you did your best today right?” asks the MC who’s standing next to him.
He wants to answer with yes, but his throat somehow doesn’t want to work with him today which made him realize that if he says anything, he will cry even more. So all he could do is nod and smiling, pretending he was okay about it.
“It’s okay it’s okay, let it all out,”
Thank god the host was understandable enough to not make him say anything even longer.
Seeing the person he admire the most, who always giving support and radiates positive energy to everyone crying on the stage today, his heart breaks. This is the first time he saw Nut crying, and he wish he could go right to the stage and wrap him in a hug. Previously, when Hong became Best Beta and had the chance to challenge the Alpha, Nut was so excited about it and always giving him positive words to motivate him. Even when he loses the round, Nut was still caring towards him and giving some sort of advice, although he was okay about it. And he intends to do the same for Nut today, he was ready to give him all the emotional support he needed. But he needs maintain his professional as for now, so he promised himself to console him as much as he can once today’s show is over.
The seat beside Hong was empty, and he secretly hoping that Nut would sit next to him so that he can give some kind of emotional support to him when the camera isn’t directed to them. But then, his teammate Tui who sits below him also move his seat, leaving the middle seat between him and Champ empty. Hong assumed they wants Nut to sit there, and he doesn’t have any problem about it. Nut is a good brother to them, and of course they also want to comfort him the same way as Hong does. Seeing this makes his heart feels warm.
✄
It was almost 10.30 p.m., and Hong was waiting for Nut at the entrance of their venue. Ever since they accidentally met at the MRT station near their house, they realize that they actually lived in the same neighborhood and the path of going back home is also the same. Since then, they have made it as their daily routine to go together every day. Plus, their house is just a few minutes’ walk to each other. While waiting, Hong also came across other few trainees who was going back as well. They did not forget to say goodbye to each other, that’s how close they are. On stage, they might be competing with each other but once the show is over, they are all friends. None of them were toxic to one another and Hong is so grateful to meet them.
After a few minutes of waiting, the awaited person finally came out from the dressing room. There are no more tears on his face, and his smile was better than he was on stage earlier. Hong doesn’t know what happened in the dressing room, but he’s glad seeing Nut is okay now.
“Ready?”
“Yeah, let’s go,”
✄
There was nothing but silence throughout their journey while walking to the MRT station. Usually, any silence between them is a comfortable one because both of them doesn’t talk much but right now, Hong does not sure either. He knows he was supposed to comfort him like he promised earlier, but seeing Nut’s condition now, it looks like he doesn’t need it any longer. Or at least that what he thought.
“You did a great job earlier,” says Hong, trying to start a conversation between them.
He chuckles.
“Yeah, I know. Too bad, their other two performance outdid mine, but he deserves it I guess,”
“What do you mean?”
3 seconds of silence.
“I… I don’t know. I already accepted the fact that I’m a Beta now but... It still doesn’t make sense to me how can he won and I didn’t,”
Hong doesn’t know how to respond to that.
“But are you feeling better?” ask Hong, worried.
He would offer himself to stay over Nut’s house, something he would do sometimes if their practice ended late but Hong wasn’t sure if Nut wants that. As much as he wants to be there for him, he would respect his decision if he wants some time alone.
“Yeah,”
.
.
.
.
“Actually... can you stay with me tonight?”
✄
“I mean, the judges praised and critique my performance today. And so does his. What I don’t get is, the other day when you had to compete against Lego, your performance was better than him and he even got commented while you didn’t. But you did not secure the Alpha title and he did. If the judges could give him another chance, why can’t they…”
He couldn’t continue his words; his voice already starts to get shaky and he doesn’t want to cry for the second time again. Especially not when he’s about to go to sleep in a few minutes. But mostly, he feels disappointed. Not to Nicky or William who compete with him today, and not with the judges too. But to himself.
They were both lying on the bed when he feels a shift next to him. As Hong change his position facing Nut, Nut does the same.
“Look, I know how you feel right now. But him winning today doesn’t mean your performance is not good enough, it was great and I love it. Even the judges love it, everyone on the seat was amazed,”
“But trust me, everything happens for a reason. It’s already written in your fate that this will happen, and it’s not the end of everything. Even though it might not seem like it now, I believe your day to shine will come. It's normal to get frustrated when others are getting another chance and you're left wondering why. Your feelings are valid, and I'm here for you. So don’t lower your self-esteem because of this alright? I’ll make it higher for you,”
If earlier Nut was 30% about to cry, now he is sure it’s 100%. He doesn’t have any idea that the person facing him right now can say those things. Usually, it’s only him who will do this thing to others. Now that he’s hearing someone else saying it to him, he feels content, valued and appreciated. Seeing Nut trying to hide his tears made Hong laugh.
“What?” ask Nut while chuckling to himself, with tears pooling in his eyes.
“Nothing, you crybaby,”
With that, Nut give in and let all the tears out.
“Awww don’t cry, did my words really moved you that much?” asks Hong again with a smile on his face, both his hands cupping Nut’s face, helping him to wipe his tears.
“It’s your fault, where did you learn to say all thattt,” he said again, whining.
“Well, let’s just say I’m just returning your favor for the things you have done for me all this time,”
That night, they both slept with their Hong’s arms wrapped around Nut, both their leg intertwined with Hong being the big spoon between them.