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The house was hot.
Very, very hot.
Because of this, the broken air conditioning, the men tried to spend most of their day away from home. However, as one could imagine, this was hard to accomplish when your job required most of your week’s focus to be your computer.
So when they weren’t out and about, they were at home and miserable. Movie nights on the couch and simply hanging out in the kitchen or each other’s rooms was a chore. A sweaty, hot, humid chore. Texas was very unforgiving.
When the sun set, however, things were quiet and warm but not too warm, as the day was.
When the tensions of the day could finally soften up and things could return to normal.
When the friends could swallow up the final hours of their day with each other.
Ping!
Tanner’s eyes shifted to the top of his screen, where a gray box had fallen over a portion of the video he was watching.
A text from Larry.
u home ?
Tanner shifted to his back on top of his very at-home bed. He opened the message and replied.
ya
are you?
Larry typed.
yeah
Tanner clicked his tongue and scanned his screen. It was 2:55 AM. Tanner let the texts stand quiet for a second while he debated his idea. It wasn’t very much debating.
come smoke?
YES
come ti mine tho
to*
Tanner didn’t waste any time, grabbing two prerolls out of his bedside drawer and heading across the hall. He tapped a couple times on Larry’s door before opening it, Larry knew he was coming. When it opened, however, Tanner was hit with something he’d been craving for weeks. Air. Cool, fresh, beautiful air. The window was open and Tanner questioned why his room didn’t get this kind of ventilation.
He didn’t check the dark, empty room for his friend. He was right in front of him, right outside the window, laying flat on the short roof above the house’s front entrance.
“T?”
”Hey…?”
”Come out here.”
Tanner shut Larry’s door quietly, made his way to the window and awkwardly climbed out, not yet questioning the oddity of Larry on the roof. He propped himself up on his elbows and handed the joint to Larry. Tanner lit it up for him and he took a puff.
The air was warmer and more humid, he realized as he sat out there longer. Tanner didn’t mind, though. It’s better than whatever hellscape temperature he had going in his room.
”How long you been out here?”
”Like an hour. Maybe two.”
”Alone? Why didn’t you text me sooner?”
Larry took another hit and passed it to Tanner.
“Thought you weren’t home or asleep or somethin’.”
”You texted anyway though.”
Larry snuck glances as Tanner brought the joint to his lips. The moonlight sat soft on the paleness of his face. It was pretty, Tanner looked pretty. The street was quiet and dark and the two sat in sweet, comfortable silence. They passed the joint every so often, stealing slight finger touches in the small action. It was nice.
Tanner silently thanked the dark sky for hiding the warmth of his face. He kept his eyes glued to the stars, keeping his head from turning to look at Larry.
He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. Recently, he’s just been awkward and warm and nervous around Larry. Actually, he did know what had gotten into him, it was really quite obvious. But it was confusing. Like, that’s Larry. His best friend for years. A dude. It was all so scary that suddenly he couldn’t look away from the guy. That he started getting genuinely upset when they were apart for certain periods of time, or when he’d get too touchy with another one of the guys. But then, he’d get all nervous when Larry was touchy with him. They used to pretend kiss and fuck and be even more vulgar with each other all the time, why was it different now? Tanner inhaled some smoke and bit his cheek nervously.
“I miss you.”
He blinked.
”Huh?”
Tanner turned his head. Larry’s right cheek was pressed against the cold rooftop, facing Tanner. His eyes directed upwards, just underneath his lashes. The joint stood erected between his fingers on top of his chest.
“I miss you.”
Tanner was seemingly stuck there, staring. The way Larry’s skin looked so soft under the moon and the way his hair was a little tossed from the slight breeze and his eyes, god, his eyes. Dark and bubbly and big like jelly somehow washing over Tanner and making him melt. And he basically did.
He shifted to his back, redirecting his gaze back to the stars before he could look at his friend any longer. He was getting warm again.
“I miss you, too. I wish the AC could get fixed already so we can hang out like we used to.”
It was quiet again. Larry took another hit and inhaled.
“That’s not what I mean.”
Tanner turned his head again. Larry had never stopped staring at him.
“What?” He huffed a little, nervously.
“What’s wrong with you, dude.”
”What?”
Larry suddenly sputtered out a smoky cough, laughs cutting between them. The back of his hand flew over his smile. His eyes were squeezed shut and his laugh filled the thick air.
Tanner couldn’t help but chuckle a little, still confused.
”Sorry, sorry. That sounded mean, I’m sorry.” Larry sniffed and handed the joint to Tanner.
“I meant, like… you’re different.”
”What are you actually talking about.” Tanner laughed and he shifted to lay flat on his back as well, bringing the joint to his lips.
“I don’t know! You’ve just been acting weird these past couple weeks.” He turned to face the stars again, picking at his fingernails. “You know you can like, talk to me or something. If you want to.”
”I love talking to you.”
”Stop doing that.”
”Doing what?” He grinned.
”Being difficult like that! You know what I mean when I say talk to me. I don’t want you to have to deal with stuff alone.”
Tanner exhaled smoke. “You really shouldn’t have to know about the shit that goes on in my head, dude. That’s not fair to you. You don’t gotta take care ‘f me.”
”I want to take care of you.”
Tanner bit his tongue. He was warm.
”Why?”
”Because I love you.”
He was very, very warm.
“I love you, too.”
The sat in silence for another while. It was recognized that Tanner was debating on what to tell Larry, if anything at all.
Tanner was complicated. Hard. Unreadable at most times, unemotional at others.
He didn’t mean to be. That’s just how he was. The other guys tried. I mean, they were all friends. Hell, they lived together. But they couldn’t find the time to really take him apart. To get to Tanner’s insides and know and wait for him to open up. And that’s okay. Tanner didn’t mind. They were his buddies and it was okay if they found it easier to turn away or brush off his bad moods because they didn’t know how to deal with them. What to say. He was difficult and he accepted that most people would not have that patience.
Larry did, though.
Larry didn’t mind it at all. In fact, he loved picking apart his friend. He loved listening, and asking, then listening again. It seemed to be his favorite thing to do, to fill up all his time with Tanner. He always seemed to know the right things to say, and even if he didn’t, just being there to listen was the next best thing.
“How did you know you liked guys?”
Suddenly, the air was twice as heavy than before. Larry’s lips parted and his eyes stayed glued to the sky.
”Oh, um.”
He did not expect that to be the question.
Tanner kind of turned his head away, embarrassed.
“Sorry. Was that weird? This is weird. I’m sorry.”
Larry blinked and registered, “Oh, no. Dude, It’s fine. Sorry.” He laughed a little. “I just didn’t expect that.”
Tanner was silent but turned his head back forward. They somehow seemed to be getting closer, he thought.
”Well, I’ve known since, like, early high school. I think.” Larry tried to remember back.
”I still liked girls and stuff, you know. But when I’d be with guys talking about shit they were doin’ with their girlfriends— I don’t know. I realized that I was feelin’ that way about dudes too, not just girls. I always had. I just didn’t realize until then that it wasn’t normal.”
Tanner took a hit of the joint, still quiet.
“Then I kissed a couple dudes, fucked around with ‘em, y’know.”
Tanner’s face warmed at the sudden thought of Larry “fucking around” with a dude. He choked on the smoke.
Larry snickered. “Quit hoggin’ the joint.”
Tanner smiled, still suppressing coughs. “I’m sorry! Shit’s almost out anyway.”
Larry took it and put it between his plush lips.
”Don’t care.”
He took a big hit and blew smoke into the cool breeze. Tanner watched him out of the corner of his eye.
”Why you wonderin’?”
The two were quiet as Tanner’s brain rattled inside his head. Larry’s eyes widened and he whipped his head around. A big grin creeped up his face.
”Oh my god, Tanner!”
Tanner scoffed, smiling nervously. He swatted playfully to his left as Larry shifted to his side, leaning in.
”Stop, stop!”
”Tanner, holy shit.”
They both laughed, Larry out of excitement and Tanner more because he was flustered out of his mind. He kept his eyes toward the sky.
”Give me that.”
Larry continued giggling as he passed the joint.
”Sorry, sorry. You don’t hafta tell me if you don’ wanna.” His smile stayed. “But that’s a crazy bomb to drop like that. I’m curious.”
Tanner took a hit.
“It’s fine, man. I was gonna tell you anyway.”
The night was quiet. Tanner turned to his side, facing Larry.
”Um… I guess it’s kinda different than your story.” He bit his tongue, faltering. “Fuck, wait. This is weird.”
Larry raised his eyebrows. “What?”
”You’re gonna think this is weird. I don’t even know how to explain it.”
Larry’s lips parted and he blinked. Tanner avoided his eyes, which was a little hard considering his new position. He almost jumped at the sudden warmth on his free hand.
He glanced down. Larry had snuck his fingers up to his open palm. He traced over the tattoo on his wrist gently.
”It’s okay if you don’t wanna. But you know that I understand. You can trust me, Tanner, I promise.”
Tanner felt like his body was molding into the roof. His eyes met Larry’s, red and foggy but still so pretty. The fingers on his wrist were soothing him greatly. He could’ve died right there.
”I do wanna tell you, real bad. I just… I don’t know what to say.”
He did know what he wanted to say. The words were almost spilling out of his lips, filling up his mind and rattling around like gnats.
It’s you. You’re the reason I’m like this. I can’t stop thinking about YOU.
Larry blinked slowly, smiling sweetly.
”It’s okay, take your time. I’ll listen to it all.”
Tanner huffed. He couldn’t bring himself to take another hit, or move, or do anything besides soak in Larry’s eyes. He debated on his next words very carefully.
”It’s… uh… different than it was for you, like I said.” He looked away, nervous. “There’s a specific guy.”
Larry looked down at Tanner’s wrist where his fingers resided and continued tracing. They began to explore other parts of his hand and up his forearm.
“Yeah? How’d you know it was him?”
“…I don’t really know. It’s a mix of— like, everything, I guess.” Tanner sniffed. “He’s always taking care of me. Always listening to me. No matter what.”
Larry was quiet.
”And he’s funny. Real funny. We mesh together perfectly. He always knows what to say to make me laugh or when I’m feelin’ bad. I could be having the shittiest day and he’d show up and I’d be just fine. Over the moon, even. I don’t feel myself when I’m not around him.
And not only that, but he’s pretty. He’s really, really pretty. I guess the first time I thought about it was when I couldn’t stop staring at him. Or when I had to look away or else I’d start stuttering n’ shit. But he’s in my head and I can’t get him out. I’ve never felt like this, not about anyone. He’s perfect, and I’m scared.”
Tanner blinked, suddenly snapping out of his thoughts. He questioned for a couple seconds whether all of that had come out of his mouth or not. But it had, and now he had no choice but to wait for Larry to say something.
Larry was unmoving, apart from his fingers grazing up Tanner’s arm. His eyes were down still and there was a deafening silence between them for a couple seconds.
Larry then inhaled, and almost mumbled, “What’s he look like?”
Tanner knew where this was going. He knew that there was no going back after this, after spilling the rest of his guts out. But he didn’t care anymore. He was so happy to be talking about it. About him. He was fully unaware if Larry was going to feel the same, but frankly, he didn’t care. How was he supposed to know unless he did something about it? He swallowed.
”He’s got this long, black hair that curls all cute at the ends. Sometimes when it’s messy, his bangs get in his face and it makes him look real good, but he hates it. And his eyes, man, his eyes are so fucking pretty. They’re this dark brown, almost black, and they go big when he gets all cute and I can’t say no to whatever he’s tellin’ me to do. He’s short, too. Smaller than me. But he’s still so strong. Like, he’s all muscle. It’s kinda hot. And of course his hands are all slender and pretty. And he’s got these little dimples in his chin that show when he smiles or somethin’. And—“
“Tanner.”
Tanner looked back up. Larry had stopped tracing his arm and was now looking right into his eyes. Tanner grinned.
”Yeah?”
The air was heavy, yet Tanner felt weightless. He did not notice how Larry had gotten so much closer to him while he’d talked.
”I… I need you to tell me if I’m reading this wrong.” He swallowed. “You can tell me, I’ll let you leave, and I’ll never speak of it again, okay? I just…”
Tanner’s brows furrowed together. He wasn’t exactly all there, and he was confused by Larry’s words. His tone. And the way he seemed to be inching impossibly closer.
Then, in one sudden movement, Larry’s lips were on his.
Tanner’s mind went blank. The kiss was very short, Larry pulling away as quickly as he came, seemingly scared of his own actions. Tanner blinked slowly. Larry’s warm breath lingered between them.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I—“
Tanner kissed him again, tender and gentle. Larry jumped a little, but quickly took the hint that Tanner was not planning on pulling away, that he had definitely read this right. He brought his hand to Tanner’s neck.
Tanner himself was on cloud nine. His mind was empty apart from the man in front of him. He’d kissed many other people many times before, but this time felt like his first again. He felt almost lightheaded. Nothing could compare to the warmth in his heart and the tingling in his fingertips as they reached for Larry, pulling him closer by the waist.
After moment, Larry pulls away only centimeters, as if his and Tanner’s faces are magnets that struggled to stay apart. The taste of weed and strawberry chapstick lingered on Larry’s lips. They’re curled up into a big smile, which makes Tanner grin as well.
”I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He breathed, woozy, “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
Tanner smiled back with a dopey look on his face. He felt as if his brain had melted and was leaking out of his ears.
“Me too.”
He pushed the hair out of Larry’s eyes and kissed him again.
Larry props himself up on his elbow, shifting to lean over Tanner. They were smiling goofily between kisses, using catching their breath as an excuse to giggle. At what? they don’t really know. Maybe it was the obscurity of the situation, or the fact that it had taken so long for them to notice these feelings for each other. Or maybe they were both just way too high.
Tanner pulled away. His hand had snaked up to Larry’s chest gently, holding him in place above him. Their eyes were locked onto each other’s with all their might.
”I love you.”
Larry was knocked breathless. His limbs felt weak as he tried to hold himself up, some of his weight inadvertently falling onto Tanner’s hand of support. It was like the rest of the world had slowed to a stop, and the only thing that mattered anymore was them. Everything was quiet, everything was warm.
“I love you, too.”
They both smiled and connected once more. They held on to each other as if they’d lose the other forever if they were to let go.
Tanner almost laughs when he feels Larry grinning against his lips. They weren’t even kissing anymore, just giggling on each other like idiots. Trying desperately to be as close as they could. Tanner didn’t mind, in fact, it was all he could’ve ever asked for. He desperately grasped a hold of the scene in his mind. Larry’s warm body on his chest, the raven strands of hair falling down and tickling his cheeks and forehead, the curve of plush lips against his own. He wanted to memorize it all and store it away in his heart forever. He needed to remember the moment he got everything he ever wanted.
Larry pulls away, seemingly about to say something, but is interrupted by a sudden incoming light. He whips his head around toward the street, and Tanner leans upwards in the same direction.
From about thirty feet away the two can make out a funnily familiar Honda Fit coming down the street. Tanner hears Larry laugh above him. He pushes himself off slightly as to make the situation look a little less awkward. A chill runs down Tanner’s body at the sudden loss of contact.
The car pulls into the driveway and parks, unable to pull fully into the garage because Nick and Larry’s cars were already in there.
The door opens and Yumi climbs out, a bag of chips and his keys dangling from his hand. He looks up at the roof, a carping look on his face.
”What the fuck are you guys doing.”
His voice is somewhat faint due to the distance between them and Yumi’s purposefully low voice curled displeasingly. The two high men giggle, covering their mouths with their hands but not actually attempting to lower their voices.
”Nuthin’” Tanner laughs.
Yumi stares blankly again for another moment before slamming his car door shut and shaking his head, heading towards the front door.
“You guys are gay.”
Tanner sits up suddenly, eyes wide and smiling stupidly.
”Hey! Shut the fuck up you fat—!”
The car’s headlights flash one last time as the horn honks, signifying the doors locking. The two hear the front door slam shut soon after and they burst into another fit of laughter, shushing each other with smiles on their faces.
Larry lays back on Tanner’s chest, both unable to stop smiling. Tanner runs his fingers through his thick, black hair.
”We should go back inside.” He finally says, eyes toward the sky.
Larry mumbles something against his chest. Tanner snickers.
”What was that?”
Larry groans and turns his head to the side.
“Can you sleep in mine tonight?”
Tanner tries not to laugh. He’s clearly tired now. He’s glad it finally caught up to him.
”Duh. I wasn’t planning on leaving.”
He feels Larry smile against his chest and his heart melts. Eventually, they both get up and climb back into Larry’s room.
Already in sleeping clothes, they slip into the bed hastily. Tanner wraps his arms around the smaller.
Larry is out in almost seconds, responding to Tanner with nothing more than small groans.
Tanner smiles as black locks inch closer to his face, sprawling across the pillow. Their legs and arms intertwine and their bodies press against each other lazily. He plays with a strand of Larry’s hair until he hears soft snored escape from below him.
As he closes his eyes, he has nothing to think about besides the man laced in his arms. His heart is warm and everything he needs is there with him. He falls asleep, and everything is okay.