Work Text:
After taking a couple more days off, Dan returned to the outside world. He had enough of being wrapped up in sheets, mourning the death of his grandmother. He knew that if she saw him in that state, she probably would have scolded him and given him a huge lecture to put his pants back on and face the world, because the world doesn't stop; things go on as if nothing had happened. He already had a well-deserved break, and now it was time to get back to work.
He left home, took his son to school, and then went to work. The day was beautiful, and the weather was warm and gratifying, making him smile. As he felt the breeze blow across his face, Dan remembered that life still has wonderful things to show him that he won't see if he keeps hiding. Things are better now, and he has to enjoy them.
Dan entered the gym quietly; it had been a while since he was last here. At the entrance, he looked around cautiously; everything was still business as usual, the guys were training like any other day, and the place was bustling with life, and that made Dan let out a smile. He let out a sigh and stood in the doorway for a few seconds. He had missed being here so much that he didn't realize how much he missed these people until he watched them do their thing again.
“Hyung!” Yoon Gu was the first to notice his presence and ran to Dan. Dan staggered a little when Potato hugged him a little too euphorically; however, he laughed and reciprocated the younger man's embrace. When they separated, he gave him a smile. “Dan, wait here; I have something for you,” said Potato before running off to the locker room.
As Dan waited for him, the other boys came up to hug him, and Dan greeted them all with a smile and accepted each of their hugs.
“The gift of potato is just a silly card,” said Jaekyung with a frown after potato accidentally pushed it.
The younger one looked a little sad that the surprise was ruined, but he still ran to Dan and handed him the small envelope. Dan smiled at Yoon Gu and thanked him for the gift, then looked at Jaekyung, who had stayed away from the welcome but was close enough to be able to see Dan and give him a smile when their eyes met again after several days.
“Do you always have to ruin surprises, huh?” Namwook arrives and hits Jaekyung's head, who complains and, while rubbing his head, looks at his trainer with annoyance. But Namwook ignores him and approaches Dan. Namwook waits for Potato to finish hogging all the attention of the physical therapist so he can give him a welcoming hug. “It's good to see you again, Dan, but are you sure you're feeling up to going back to work? You can always take as much time as you need.”
“I'm fine, Namwook, and I've already taken a lot of liberties. I'm ready to get back to work,” he says, then gives the trainer a sincere smile.
Namwook simply nods because he trusts Dan's words: “All right, then, let's get to work. We have a lot to do today.”
Dan nods, and once everyone leaves to continue with their work, Dan starts walking towards the locker room. However, Jaekyung is still in his way, and Dan has to stop his steps so as not to bump into him.
“Are you sure you are ready to work?”
“Yes, I'm fine; don't worry about me.”
“Well, I'll wait for you in the training room. Namwook wants you to be there,” is all Jaekyung says before turning away to walk on the opposite side of Dan. The physiotherapist simply nods again and resumes his walk, but stops once more when Jaekyung calls out to him. Dan turns and looks at him, waiting for him to say the reason for interrupting his walk. “Just…I'm glad you're here.”
Dan smiles at the response and knows a blush is forming on his cheeks. “I'm glad to be here, too.”
After that, there is another smile before they each resume their journey to their respective destinations. Dan entered his office and put his things in their usual place, then focused on the envelope he was still holding. Even though he already knew it was a card, Dan opened the envelope with curiosity. Dan couldn't help but smile when he took out the card so he could admire it. It was a photo of the whole team, all smiling; even Jaekyung was smiling, which was quite strange to see for Dan. The athlete was no longer like before and now looked more relaxed with everyone; you could even say that Jaekyung now enjoys everyone's company in the gym. Jaekyung ended up shup his mouth and showing him that indeed, he could change; little by little, Jaekyung's changes were showing.
Dan turned the card over and found the signatures of all the guys and a simple sentence that read, “We love you very much, Dan. Sincerely, your Team Black family.” And Dan, as sensitive as only he was, felt a couple of tears gather under his eyes from the happiness that settled in his chest. This was his family; this is where he belongs, and he is happy to be back.
He didn't want to cry, so he quickly wiped away the tears and put the card in his purse. He took a couple of breaths to calm himself and left his office to go to where Jaekyung had told him they would be. When he reached the door to the training room, he opened it carefully so as not to disturb them in case they were already training. Dan stayed at the door so as not to disturb, since there were quite a few people. Apart from the black team staff, there were other people that Dan did not manage to identify. He only moved a little around the room when Namwook called him, and it was only then that Dan managed to see who Jaekyung was with.
He was quite surprised to see Heesung again. He walked over to Namwook and sat down next to him. “I didn't know Choi Heesung came to the gym.”
“Yes, he comes here from time to time for Jaekyung to give him some lessons. He's always acting in action movies and series, and he likes to do his own fight scenes,” Namwook comments without taking his eyes off the men training in front of them. “They're both in the same agency, so they've known each other for years. Although Jaekyung doesn't care much about being friends with Heesung, Heesung is always looking for him.” Namwook laughs, and Dan lets out a smile.
Yeah, I noticed, thinks Dan, remembering the time at the bar where they met the actor. Heesung looked too happy to see Jaekyung; Jaekyung was not so much. There is no conversation after that, and Dan just stares at the training class. There's not much to do, but Dan assumes they want to keep him here in case something happens.
It's only a few minutes later, when both young men take a break, that Heesung notices Dan's presence, his eyes seeming to sparkle along with the smile forming on his lips. “Dan! Dan!” Heesung exclaims happily as he waves his hand in greeting.
Dan looks at him in surprise. Oh, he has reminded me, he thinks as he stands up and walks towards the young man. When he stops in front of him, Heesung proceeds to hug him a little too excitedly. “Dan, I can't believe you're here!”
Dan stands still as Heesung hugs him. Not that he is bothered by such effusiveness from the man, but he is not used to such sudden physical contact, and even less so with someone he barely knows. He puts on an awkward smile and only leaves a pat on Heessung's back before gently pulling away. Heesung doesn't seem bothered by that and instead keeps his smile as he gazes at Dan as if he were the public figure and not the other way around.
“Good to see you again; you work here now? I haven't seen you before.”
“Yes, I've been Jaekyung's physiotherapist for a couple of months now”
“Oh, that fool Jaekyung never mentioned it,” grumbled the younger one as he looked at Jaekyung sideways with some reproach. Jaekyung is standing apart from them, and he hasn't noticed them conversing, so Heesung takes that as an opportunity to talk with Dan like he wanted to do at the bar. “But never mind, I'm glad to see you now; I've been waiting for your call.”
Oh, Dan can't help but blush at that. The truth is, he had completely forgotten that he had Heesung's number and that he had said he would call him. The only reason he did that was because he wanted to annoy Jaekyung and maybe make him a little jealous; he wasn't interested in dating Heesung, and he didn't know how to turn him down without being rude. Dan clears his throat a little and tries to sound polite when speaking. “Oh, yeah, I, I, I've been busy lately, sorry,” he says nervously, holding a hand to his head, a little worried about the reaction the man might have in front of him.
But Heesung is all smiles, and his eyes close as they laugh; he looks so cheerful and relaxed that Dan can't help but catch a little of it. “It's okay, Dan; don't apologize. Now that I know you're a physical therapist, you can make it up to me with a private treatment session, right?”
And just as Dan was about to respond, Jaekyung appeared right next to Heesung and grabbed him by the arm. “The break is over; time to get back to training.” Jaekyung pushes the actor away from Dan, but Heesung has the resilient strength not to take any steps and instead scowls at Jaekyung.
“Hey, wait, I'm talking to Dan.” Now it's Heesung who pushes Jaekyung away so he can get back to Dan.
Jaekyung snorts and, with an annoyed look, crosses his arms. He's glaring at Heesung with his frown, and when he sees him trying to flirt with Dan, he decides to ruin the moment. “He is your Hyung; treat him with respect.”
Dan rolls his eyes and looks at Jaekyung in disbelief. Is he really behaving this way? That's not a new thing for Dan, though. One thing Jaekyung still hasn't been able to change is being irritating to people he doesn't like, which, wouldn't come as a bad thing, but Dan would love for him to stay out of his conversation with Heesung.
And Heesung, who is the complete opposite of Jaekyung, simply blushes and looks at Dan with an apologetic expression. “Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were older.”
“It's okay; don't worry; I don't care about formalities. You can keep calling me Dan,” he says, and then looks at Jaekyung out of the corner of his eye, who is scowling with a face of dismay as if he is watching the worst misfortune of his life. Dan smiles slyly; he knows what's going on, so he decides to play with some fire. “And you know what? I'm going to give you that private session; once you finish training, come find me.”
Heesung's eyes sparkle with happiness, and his smile almost manages to light up the whole place. Dan feels a little bad for playing for the man and with his feelings, but he will make sure to clarify everything in his treatment session so that there are no misunderstandings. Jaekyung once again approaches Heesung and this time he pushes him harder. But Heesung is so delighted and almost entranced by Dan's words that he doesn't care what happens around him. He even looks at Dan like a boy with a crush. Dan swallows his saliva awkwardly.
Once the private training class was over, Heesung and his smile appeared in Dan's office. Dan was kind to him and treated him in the best possible way, not forgetting his professionalism. He was already used to seeing so many shirtless men that he didn't blush when he saw Heesung's body; however, he had to admit that he had very good attributes, almost equal to Jaekyung's, but Heeung's skin was smoother and completely clean, no tattoos, just a couple of moles on his back, so small that they looked like a constellation of stars.
“Does it hurt you if I do this?” Dan asks as he presses his fingers into Heesung's waist.
The actor is face down and with his eyes closed; his features are calm, and after sighing, he replies, “No, it feels great; please continue.”
Dan smiles slightly; he knows the actor is enjoying himself. However, he has to spoil his fun when he asks him to turn around because he has to check his arms. Heesung snorts and pouts, but complies. He's like a puppy, Dan thinks, and in his head, he laughs at his own comment. Dan works for a few minutes on Heesung's arms, asks his usual questions, and when he feels and knows that Heesung's muscles are relaxed and unstressed, he ends the treatment session. Dan steps back a bit to remove the gel on his hands. He was wiping himself with a towel when Heesung made the comment which Dan was already expecting.
“Dan, I'd like to go out with you sometime.”
Dan turns around and looks at Heesung, he is sitting on the gurney with his shirt already on. Dan looks at him for a few seconds, and although the actor is quite attractive, Dan is not attracted to him that way. And he doesn't want to give him false hope, so he goes with the truth, even if it breaks this Golden Retriever's heart.
“Heesung, you're a cute guy, but I'm not interested in dating you.”
Heesung doesn't seem to be used to rejection because Dan notices how his eyes become sad, and if he listens very carefully, he can almost hear something heartbreaking. But the younger man keeps his composure and speaks calmly.
“Oh, is it because you're seeing someone?It's Jaekyung, right? That jerk always beats me.” Heesung grumbles and makes a fist with one of his hands; it's almost dramatic, but Dan assumes that's how all actors must be, and he can't help but blush when he mentions Jaekyung. Is it that obvious that the two of them had something, or is it just because he already saw them together in that bar? Dan hopes it's the last because if it's the first, it means that everyone in the team also realizes the tension between them and probably also suspects and thinks that they are together, when they are not, because despite the contract, Jaekyung and he had never been in a relationship.
“It's kind of complicated,” Dan finally answers, and then sits down next to Heesung. The actor looks at him curiously, and maybe Dan has said too much with that simple sentence.
“With Jaekyung everything is complicated,” Heesung says, and when Dan looks at him, he sees something in his eyes. Dan knows that Heesung knows Jaekyung's personality and wants to ask if he has been involved with Jaekyung, even though it would be kind of impossible. But before he can even ask, Heesung beats him to it: “I've dated a couple of his ex-partners, and they all always tell me the same thing; Jaekyung is a fucking son of a bitch.”
Dan laughs at that and lowers his gaze. He doesn't know how to feel about that; he doesn't know if it's okay to feel relief that he wasn't the only one to suffer because of Jaekyung. Quickly, he shakes his head. What are you thinking? No one deserves that suffering, and you shouldn't feel relief; you should be more angry at Jaekyung for what he did, not only to you, but to other people.
“Dan.” The physiotherapist looks up at the actor and waits for him to continue, “Has Jaekyung treated you badly? You can tell me, and I'll kick his ass.”
Dan knows what else is in that sentence; he knows that Heesung is asking if Jaekyung has been abusive to him, and that only confirms that the actor knows what Jaekyung is like, that he knows him the same way he got to know him. Dan wants to be surprised, but he doesn't; after all, Heesung was in that bar, and Dan knows he doesn't go there just for a drink. So it's only natural that they both know what the other is like. But Dan doesn't want to involve more people in this; his problems with Jaekyung are something only the two of them should solve; bringing in a third party would only bring more problems.
“I'm fine, Heesung. I'm working things out with Jaekyung in my own way.”
Heesung wants to say something else, because Dan is a good person and should not be involved with rotten people like Jaekyung. And this is not about him being interested in Dan romantically; no, Dan deserves good things in his life, and Heesung doesn't think Jaekyung is a good thing in Dan's life. But when he is ready to talk again, his manager enters the room and asks him to hurry up because they have to go somewhere else. Heesung sighs; he had forgotten about his busy schedule. He asks his manager for just a few minutes and then looks back at Dan.
“Okay, I'll take your word for it. But if Jaekyung ever gets out of line, you can call me; my offer to kick his ass will always be available.”
Dan laughs and simply nods because it looks like the boy really wants to hit Jaekyung. And who doesn't? Dan thinks. He escorts Heesung out, and before saying goodbye, the actor moves towards Dan again.
“I know you already turned me down, but maybe if we went out as friends, that would be okay for you?”
Dan knows that Heesung won't give up on having an outing with him, and the truth is that he doesn't mind the idea of keeping in contact with the actor; it wouldn't be bad to have him as his friend. However, he can feel Jaekyung's gaze on them. Dan knows that the athlete is not happy with the closeness he has with the actor, and it makes him a little uncomfortable. Isn't he supposed to be changing for the better? If he's jealous, then fine, but Dan doesn't want Jaekyung to deprive him of having friends outside of work.
“Don't worry about that idiot; I'll take care of him in case he gets silly with his jealousy.”
Dan laughs a little and smiles afterward because the actor is so considerate of him and is so kind that Dan simply can't refuse this time. “It's okay, we can go out sometime, as friends,” he quickly reminds him before the actor gets really excited.
Heesung keeps his cool as he says goodbye, and Dan can only laugh because he knows the actor is holding back his excitement just for him. Dan watches him leave and then turns to go back to his office. When he walks in, he stops dead in his tracks as he sees Jaekyung sitting on the gurney, arms crossed and frowning, his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him. Dan was so distracted with Heesung that he didn't even notice when Jaekyung entered his office. It's almost funny the way Jaekyung is behaving because Dan knows he's jealous. And he's going to tease him about it simply for the pleasure of seeing Jaekyung suffer.
“He's your Hyung; treat him with respect,” mimics Jaekyung's voice, causing the athlete to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “When in your life have you ever treated me with respect enough to demand it from others to do so?” Dan sneers as he walks towards Jaekyung. The athlete simply snorts and averts his gaze. Dan, for his part, just laughs. “I can't believe you're jealous.”
“I'm not jealous.”
“Of course you are.”
“So what if I am?” Jaekyung speaks forcefully, connecting his eyes with Dan. There is some anger in them, but there is also fear, like a lost puppy. Jaekyung shakes his head and drops it on Dan's chest. He doesn't want Dan to see him like this; he doesn't want him to see him weak and afraid that someone will come to take him away. “So what if I don't want other men to be around you? So what if I only want you for myself?”
Dan wants to take a step back, but Jaekyung hugs him around the waist, and that scares him a little. The athlete is pressing him against him, and Dan can only stand still in place, because this is surprising. However, Dan knows that their “relationship” is still in limbo, that there are still feelings to be resolved and issues to be talked about. He just didn't expect Jaekyung to make the first move like this, and probably wouldn't, were it not for Heesung's presence in the gym.
Dan swallows saliva and keeps his hands off the athlete when he calls out to him. “Jaekyung”
The athlete quickly pulls away when he realizes what he's doing, swallows saliva, and looks at Dan with regret because he doesn't want to screw things up again. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't behave like this; you can go out and be with whoever you want,” he says as if that phrase were a mantra.
Dan looks at him calmly and sits down beside him, puts one of his hands on Jaekyung's knee, and caresses him. “I think I'm ready to talk about us and our relationship.”
“Yes?” Jaekyung looks at him, and his eyes show only glimmers of hope and joy. Finally, they are going to talk; finally they can put an end to the past and start with an eye towards the future.
Dan smiles and nods. “Yeah. How about this Friday after work? You invite me over to your place, and we'll talk.”
Jaekyung just nods and shakes his head euphorically because he is so excited by those words that he can't speak; he even forgets how to speak. He can only look at Dan, who smiles at him. And Jaekyung smiles back as he lets his breath and relief fly into his lungs and take over. This is what he had waited for so long for, and he's finally going to get it.
***
Friday came pretty quickly, and by the time Dan realized it, he was in Jaekyung's car on his way home. But it's okay; things are no longer awkward between them, and that has been a breakthrough. In slow but immense steps, they have managed to be in each other's company without grudges, Dan especially, and that's why he wants to talk to Jaekyung. It's time to move on with his life and leave everything bad—everything he hates—in the past. They arrive at Jaekyung's house, and Dan slowly enters cautiously. It's strange to be here after a long time, and considering that he left here with a broken heart, with his feelings pounding in his chest, Dan feels some tension as he enters. And he feels some coldness that scares him a little. Jaekyung's house always feels lifeless; the atmosphere is even scary; it feels like no one lives here; everything is loneliness and silence.
“Do you want something to drink?” asks Jaekyung, snapping Dan out of his thoughts. The brown-haired man looks at Jaekyung who is a few steps away from the kitchen.
“A glass with water, please.” He knows it's best not to bring alcohol to the table because last time he got carried away and almost forgave Jaekyung for everything. This time he wants to be mindful of what he is going to say and wants to be in tune with his thoughts.
Jaekyung simply nods and walks away for a few seconds, leaving Dan alone. The brown-haired man walks around the room and feels a little silly for feeling like a stranger to this place, but he has lived through many things here—things he no longer wants to remember and things he no longer wants to be hurt by. He doesn't want to suffer for the past, ever again. Maybe that's why he feels like this—like a stranger in this place. There are no good memories here, except for those two days when he lived with Jaekyung and almost felt like they were family. He gets to the couch and sits down. The memories of that night come to him, and it almost feels like déjà vu; he's here again, but things are going to be different now.
Jaekyung arrives with a glass of water and sits down next to him. Dan thanks him as he accepts the glass and drinks; his body thanks him for the hydration, and only then did Dan realizes that his throat was dry; he wanted to attribute it to nerves from being here. Once he finishes drinking, he sets the glass down on the glass table and can't help but stare at the Lego figure decorating the table that stands out from the other decorations around it.
Dan smiles, and touchs the lego figure with your fingertips, he knows that this is his son's work. “So you kept it.”
“It was a gift from Kenji; I wasn't going to get rid of it,” says Jaekyung beside him, in a low and soft voice. He is always like that when he talks about Kenji.
“You know? He thinks your spirit animal is that of a horse; he tends to relate you to them.”
Ah, that explains a lot, Jaekyung thinks when he remembers the little horse magnet the boy gave him. He can't help but let out a giggle, and he knows his cheeks and ears are flushed. But he tries to disguise it, letting out his usual attitude: “Well, I think I'm more like a wolf.”
Dan laughs at that and pours himself another glass of water; he wants to have something to hold while he has this conversation. The atmosphere soon becomes quiet, and it is he who decides to break it up so that the tension doesn't start to flow.
“So…”Dan clears his throat and drinks some water, then looks at Jaekyung. He's expecting what he has to say, and Dan knows he's going to let him do the talking. After all, he was the one who asked for this kind of meeting. Dan lets out a sigh and swallows saliva. “These past few months that we were apart, I thought a lot about everything I went through by your side before and after you met my son. And it's strange; when I remember those moments and how different they are, it's like I met two Jaekyung, two parts of you, and to this day I don't know which one is the real one.” Dan lets out a melancholic smile and pauses for a few seconds so as not to lose his breath. “I want to think that the side I see when you are with my son is the real one, and that you only hide it from others. But that would justify your horrible behavior at the beginning, and I don't want to. The truth is, you're a monster too.”
He is silent again; he has never taken his eyes off Jaekyung, and he is surprised because he doesn't feel his eyes fill with tears either. Because the truth is that he is stronger now, he is not as weak as before. “But, in the end, you showed me that you could change and be a better person, not just with me, but with everyone else, with the people who work for you, with your co-workers. That made me think quite a bit; that made me realize that giving you a second chance was a good decision.” His hands play with the glass of water; it is cold, and the ice cubes are starting to melt. Dan has looked away from Jaekyung and looked into the glass.
“When that man raped me, I spent months hating myself and putting myself down. Even in my pregnancy, I hated looking at myself in the mirror because all I saw was a blur; it wasn't me. And when I saw my body, I could only remember that man's hands touching me. It was disgusting. I had nightmares of my rape all the time; I hardly ate, and I hardly slept well. My pregnancy was affected, and for a second, I thought I was going to lose Kenji. I was so scared; I didn't want him to take that away from me, either. But when the doctor checked me and told me my baby was fine, I realized I couldn't let my rapist win again; I couldn't let him continue to consume my life and run it. That's when I looked at the big picture with different eyes, finally accepted my pregnancy, and fell in love with being pregnant. I began to love my son and stopped hating him because he was never to blame for anything. Finally, I was able to let go of that hate, and I started living again, smiling and being happy.”
He moves a little on the couch to look at Jaekyung again. The athlete is quiet next to him, with his hands clasped together, and he is listening to him so attentively. It is here that Dan can see that Jaekyung has changed and is no longer the impulsive man he was before; this time he listens. “And as I was living that again with you, I remembered that moment again. For a second, I thought I was going to fall into that again, and even though there were moments when I hated myself, I had my son to help me endure it. But I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to feel this hate and this resentment, because it is depriving me of living and of being happy with my son. Why keep spending my energies on hating you when I can use that energy to love myself? That's why I have decided to give this an end, to close this page of my life and leave it buried under the ground where it belongs, so I can be free and enjoy my life.” He keeps silent for a moment to drink some water because he has spoken so much that his throat is getting dry.
“I have forgiven myself for the choices I made, and I am doing this to forgive me. I'm doing this for me, not for you. I love myself, and I don't want to live like this anymore. It's tiring to spend your life hating someone. That almost consumed me in the past, and I'm not going to let it do that again. I'm making peace with myself. But here's the thing: I can't forgive you for what you did to me; I don't think I ever can. You're not going to get that from me, and it's not something I want to do either. I may not hate you anymore, and when I see you, I no longer feel resentment or pain. But I want you to continue to hate yourself and despise yourself for what you did to me. I don't want you to forget what you did to me; I want you to have it as a reminder always, so that you don't repeat that mistake again with me or anyone else. So this is not a conversation to apologize; you are not going to hear that from me, and I don't care how sorry you are now. I don't want to hear an “I'm sorry” from you, either, because I stand by my words. “I'm sorry” doesn't mean anything or repair the damage, but actions may. So I want you to know that I appreciate that you decided to change; I know it was for me, but I hope you continue to do it of your own free will.”
Silence takes over, but there is no longer tension because things have finally become clear. Dan is more than clear about what he wants, and there is no longer a whirlwind of feelings and emotions consuming him. He is calm and finally feels he can breathe easily; he has let go of everything and is ready to move forward. Jaekyung, for his part, reflects everything Dan said: he is fine with everything; he knows that forgiveness from Dan would never come and accepts it; he didn't expect forgiveness; he didn't deserve it. It was an unforgivable act; he knows that asking for mercy is useless. He had enough with the second chance Dan gave him. And he is satisfied with this response, because Dan has already made it clear that he does not hate him, and that is a big step.
“I'm fine with all of this, and I'm glad you chose you ahead of how I feel about you. You deserve everything good in this life; I'm not going to take that away from you again.”
Dan placed a small smile on his face, looked at Jaekyung one more time, and knew that there was one loose end left to fix. “About us,” he says quietly, and when he has Jaekyung's attention completely, he knows that the athlete is eager to talk about their relationship. “My feelings for you are the same as yours; I like you, and it's annoying. I know they started as soon as I saw you with my son; at first, I thought it was a passing thing, and they would go away as soon as you went back to being a shitty person. But they didn't. And it's kind of embarrassing to know that when I saw you act like a father figure to Kenji, I also started to see you as a partner to me; I started to see you with love, and that scared me. I'm still scared of that,” he mumbles, lowering his gaze. He remains silent for a few seconds and is so deep in his thoughts that he is startled when he feels Jaekyung's hand holding his. He directs his gaze towards him, and Jaekyung smiles at him.
“I was scared too when I realized I had feelings for you,” he murmurs, soft and quiet, as he brings his other hand to Dan's cheek, his cheek warm and crimson red. “But I'm not anymore; now I'm just in love with you.”
The crimson-red color on Dan's cheeks became more intense, moving towards his ears. Those words make Dan nervous. He swallows saliva and pulls away a little from Jaekyung; the hand on his cheek slides down, getting lost somewhere on the sofa. But Jaekyung keeps holding his hand, keeps leaving caresses on the back of it. And Dan wants to lose himself in that, but he holds on. He has to think of him first, always.
“I like you, Jaekyung. But I'm not ready to be in a romantic relationship with you.”
And the caresses on his hands stop, and Jaekyung's face is perplexed; he doesn't blink as he looks at Dan. Dan knows that statement is affecting the athlete, but Jaekyung can't pretend that everything is rosy or that everything is easy. They started off on the wrong foot, and it will be very difficult to turn it around so that they are in the right place.
“Oh…” is all Jaekyung says, and he slowly turns away from Dan, even dodges his gaze, as he doesn't know what to do. Dan feels a little sorry for him, but he's not going to back down from his priorities.
“I can't jump into your arms so fast; I want to build this first, the right way.” We are adults, Jaekyung. I know you can understand that. Dan wants to add, but he better keep those words to himself. “But I still want to be with you and spend time by your side. I like things the way they are now, just you and me with no strings attached. We still have a lot of things to improve, and I don't want to ruin what little we've built by jumping into a relationship. I want to go slow with this.”
Jaekyung looks at him again, and Dan quickly gives him a smile, shyly moves a little closer to Jaekyung, takes his hand, and when the athlete doesn't pull back, he knows that everything is okay.
“I also like the way things are now. And I don't care if I have to wait for you a hundred years or a thousand years; I'll do it. I'm willing to do anything for you.” Jaekyung lifts Dan's hand and brings it to his lips, leaving a small kiss on the back of his hand, but deep down, he wishes he could kiss Dan's lips.
The physical therapist blushes and wants to look disinterested at those words; he acts like he doesn't care about them as he pushes Jaekyung away and teases him, calling him a romantic fool. But Jaekyung can read Dan and knows that what he said went straight to his heart, so he smiles full of satisfaction. Things calmed down after that conversation. Now that everything is cleared up, both can start with the next page in their lives, in their story. Both want to get it right, to get on the right foot and in sync, maybe hand in hand, but both want to do this together so they don't taint it with the mistakes of the past. These are moments they don't want to repeat.
After talking, Jaekyung invites Dan over for dinner. It's been a while since he's had company at home, and he doesn't want to lose it so soon. When Dan accepts, Jaekyung feels happiness settle in his chest. With a smile, he gets up from the sofa and walks to the kitchen. Dan is following him, and Jaekyung can't be happier to have him by his side. As a friend, or as his partner, Jaekyung can no longer live without Dan's presence.
Dan enters the kitchen, and the first thing his eyes notice is the drawing hanging on the door of the huge refrigerator. A smile escapes him as he walks to get closer to the drawing. With his index finger, he touches it and laughs when he notices the magnet in the shape of a horse. A part of him didn't think Jaekyung was going to place the drawing; after all, it would ruin the sophistication of the place, and seeing him do it just increased his love for it. It will be my downfall, Dan thinks as he glances sideways at Jaekyung who is very focused on looking for the ingredients he needs for dinner.
Dan walks to the counter and sits on a stool. Jaekyung's back is turned to him. So Dan decides to bring up some conversation so as not to make the moment so boring. “So, I want you to tell me how Yoon gu managed to take you down in a fight.”
Jaekyung snorts and turns around to see him. Dan has a mocking look. The athlete just rolls his eyes at him and ignores him as he walks to the refrigerator. That dumb potato won't stop bragging about it, and it's unbearable. But Jaekyung understands that it's the only good thing that has happened to him in his life, and so, he lets him keep talking about it even after weeks have passed. “Listen, I was distracted, and that's why Potato managed to beat me. I kind of let him win so he could feel good about himself for once in his life. You see?, that's me doing good actions,” he says, throwing a smile at Dan, who just rolls his eyes.
They have small talk while Jaekyung prepares dinner; once it is ready, they go to the dining room. As they dine, they have another nice and quiet conversation. The surrounding atmosphere is pleasant and so comfortable that he is surprised that they are the same as before. But the truth is that they are not; they have changed, and now they are better. At dinner, Dan laughs, smiles, and looks at Jaekyung with love. It's almost like a date, but neither says it out loud so as not to ruin the moment. Dan used to think Kenji was the trigger for Jaekyung to be nice to him, and maybe at first he was, but it's not like that anymore. Jaekyung is not pretending now; he is genuine and is being nice to him because he feels like it, because he wants to, not because an intermediary (Kenji) is with them. It's cute, and Dan likes it. He no longer has to stand with his barriers up, watching Jaekyung's every move and action. I can get used to this, Dan thinks as he helps Jaekyung wash the dishes.
“I have to go now,” says Dan, walking back to the living room to grab his bag and gray sweater.
“Are you sure you don't want me to take you home? I don't have a problem with that.” Jaekyung follows him, escorting him to the door.
“Don't worry, I'll take a taxi.” Dan puts on his shoes and then opens the door. He turns around to say goodbye to Jaekyung; however, he decides to do something else. “Hey, do you have something to do tomorrow?”
“You know I'm just training, but I can take the day off. Why?”
“Tomorrow I'm going to the fair with Kenji. After everything that's happened this past month, we both need to have a fun day. And I thought maybe you might like to come with us.” Dan is prepared to get a no as an answer; fairs are not places Jaekyung would go to, and he probably wouldn't like being in a crowded place. Dan doesn't know why he ended up asking him, and he wants to smack himself in the head for being so dumb.
“I would love to go.” In the end, Jaekyung's answer surprises Dan, and he can only smile and hug Jaekyung.
That's how they say goodbye after agreeing on the time they will meet. Jaekyung follows Dan with his eyes and says goodbye again when their gazes meet. Once the elevator doors close and Dan's gaze is lost, Jaekyung closes the door to his home. In the solitude of his apartment, he lets out a sigh, but he no longer feels lonely; finally, after a long time, he is smiling and feels happy.