Work Text:
[1 month after his fall]
“It’s been a month, Luci. I think... I think you need to give it up.”
A month isn’t enough for the things I’ve done. This hell I’ve created. I’m a disgrace. Nothing evil had ever touched the world, it was all pure. Before I had to go and fuck it up. Now look at me, grasping at the shadows of my past. The world around me muffles and I’m brought back before the council of angels. They stared down at me in utter shame. As if I was an animal given to Adam to name. I can still hear them; they mock me in my sleep. Lucifer once meant light, you know? Now all I see is darkness.
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[4 months after his fall]
“Please just leave me alone Lilith. I’ll... I’ll figure something out eventually I swear. I’ll get us both back up there- I just... Need more time.” I sat back down in my office and faced the wall. My love did not answer me, she usually doesn’t anymore. It’s been 4 months now. I’m painfully aware of the time that passes. It’s all I can think about, how could I think about anything else? Every day that ceases I get farther and farther from Heaven’s gates.
I feel if I stop now all of my work thus far will have been for nothing. There must be a way I can win them back. I can’t be down here forever- I can’t drag Lilith down with me.
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[5 years after his fall]
Charlie snuck up on me today. She seemed amazed by my angelic creations. She should be up there with them, not stuck down here with me. Lilith got me to go outside the other day. She wanted to cheer me up by showing me “our people”. It was horrible out there. I tried doing a good thing for humanity and look what they went and did with it- I just- wanted them to be able to make choices for themselves. Look where that got them. Look where that got me. Maybe I do deserve to be down here. I don’t understand what she sees in them. I carry resentment like luggage and yet nothing seems to be weighing her down.
I don’t get it.
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[10 years]
Lilith is getting tired of me. I can hear it in her voice, she wants me to give up, but I can’t. Heaven has to give me another chance. I didn’t mean to mess it up like this. Surely, they can give me another chance. I don’t know what else to do. Heaven is all I’d ever known. I can't just accept this fate. I must be able to do something, ANYTHING.
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[??? years]
I fell asleep on my desk again. There’s no point in going to bed anymore. I’m alone. Everyone has left me behind. This castle is nothing but a pretty cage. I don’t remember how many years it’s been since Heaven’s touch graced me. I don’t remember what it felt like anymore. All I know is the feeling of this floor and the crushing weight of my own undoing. I don’t remember how long it’s been since Lilith left me. I don’t blame her. The guy she once fell in love with isn’t here anymore. I’m a husk of my former glory and there’s nothing I can do. The angels won’t even listen to me anymore.
I’m nothing but a washed-up failure.