Work Text:
Sitting by Erwin’s bedside Levi keeps his gaze lowered. He can listen to Pixis’ opinion without looking at the man. And if anyone were to glance at him they’d assume that Levi is looking off into some middle-distance as just a random point to stare at which isn’t anything terrible at all. They’d have to get in real close to figure out that he keeps staring at what’s left of Erwin’s right arm.
Levi has been told that Erwin lost his arm in battle, that Erwin had been dragged off his horse by a titan and carried away dangling from its mouth; it had been heavily implied that said titan had bitten through Erwin’s arm and dropped him, which had enabled Erwin to re-join the fight. Maybe the titan had even thrashed about leading to the weight of Erwin’s body doing most of the work in tearing his arm free. It was, all in all, a horrific attack that their brave Commander barely survived. But Levi isn’t stupid and that’s a very straight cut across Erwin’s arm, the sort of clean slice made by a sword, with precision and a steady hand. Levi knows full well that Erwin had cut his own arm off to free himself.
He’s heard, of course, that an animal caught in a trap will tear itself to pieces trying to get free. It will chew through its own paw to escape a hunter’s snare. But that sort of thing is done in a panic of instinct. So by rights it must have been instinct too when Erwin cut off his own arm. A cold and ruthless instinct to cut off the arm that trapped him with just as much efficiency as he rids himself of any other thing that might hold him back. What kind of a monster does that make Erwin then? If, in the most frantic and panic inducing moments, instead of screaming in terror he had fallen quiet, his mind ceasing to whirl in all directions, and instead had focused with absolute, terrifying, efficiency on dealing with the matter in hand?
Levi has heard a great many stupid things about the supposed Ackerman powers possessed by his far scattered and practically extinct clan. He knows what it feels like to have that moment of absolute clarity where he knew, without any hesitation, what needed to be done and was able to execute those actions flawlessly. He knows that that is a thing. And all his life he’s heard that that sort of power? Awakening? Was some bizarre miracle specific to the Ackerman bloodline. In fact, he’s heard it enough that he’s come to half believe it. But if that’s the case then what is this? If Levi, and other Ackermans, were born to serve a greater power than their own then what the Hell is Erwin?
Of course he willingly follows where Erwin leads. But Levi’s always thought that was a combination of a sensible choice if all humanity wanted a chance at true freedom and, personally, the fact that he wants to do everything in his power to… to….
The Ackerman clan rebelled against the King. They fought almost to the last to try to bring down the corrupt nobility who sided with said King. So it’s not as if it’s the royal family that they were born to serve. But if they were all focused on a single purpose, to serve a great and worthy lord then surely, if they were born to serve their worthy liege, then said liege was also born to command them, to lead his people to true freedom. And if that’s true then is Erwin their… not King, the Kings of Paradis up until now have been uniformly useless, is he instead their…. Levi wracks his brain for a suitable title, and then he recalls something that sounded daft at the time, in yet another of the many novels that Erwin has hidden amongst his more sensible non-fiction books. Is Erwin their… God-Emperor? And if that’s the case then does Levi now also have to be paranoid about, not just nobles and titans, but also bodies of water, just in case Erwin falls into one and loses his powers? Besides, following that narrative does that mean that, if Erwin is just like the God-Emperor from that book, then Levi is his perfect… oh, well, that’s not so bad really.
Levi pushes those thoughts aside with Connie’s report. The titans, or at least the titans they’ve most recently seen within the Walls, are human. Were human. So… he has been killing humans all this time? Just like before.
“So I’ve been killing people.”
“There’s no proof!”
Hange’s expression is stern and Levi is grateful for the admonishment. It’s not as if he hasn’t killed people before; it’s just that he’d thought he’d left that kind of life behind, and he’s not sure exactly how he feels about that particular skill of his once again coming to the forefront. Hange gives him a sharp look and Levi sits up a little straighter. One day Hange might well be a worthy successor to Erwin; a different type of Commander certainly, but one just as bold and compassionate, who will be able to lead the Survey Corps forward. Levi shakes himself, not that Erwin is going anywhere.
He glances over to Erwin.
Their great and glorious God-Emperor is smiling, a smile of such mad intensity that Levi feels a chill trace down his spine. Why hadn’t he noticed until now that Erwin was terrifying? And Levi is afraid; he feels it deep down in the pit of his stomach, fear, helplessness and- Oh. That’s not… that’s- It’s him, Levi himself that’s the problem; that stupid creepy leer should have him running screaming but it doesn’t, now he just wants to sit on Erwin’s dick. And that line of thought isn’t going to further any kind of sensible discussion right now.
“So this is why-“
Erwin deflects everything with claims of being weak due to blood loss but Levi hasn’t really said anything to try to force an answer. He has what he needs; Hange has taken note, and can work that into their theories on the matter. So Levi backs away from that line of enquiry and lets the discussion turn elsewhere. But he sees Erwin’s glance. They both know that there’s more going on here and that they have only just allowed each other to retreat from any potential conflict about the matter. And, because of Erwin’s method of concession Levi has now been set up to be able to declare his own decision on his own next steps. Except that turn of phrase is the sort of thing that a God-Emperor would say to enable his… something or other, to deliberately say something.
Left alone in the room with Erwin, Levi wants to say something but he has no idea what exactly he wants to say. A part of him wants to tell Erwin off for risking himself even though that was inevitable, a part of him wants to interrogate Erwin about what he actually suspects and then, a more urgent part of him, wants to collapse against Erwin’s chest and just cling to him. Some mighty, indomitable, Ackerman he is. But Erwin saves him from making a fool of himself by struggling to lie down which requires Levi’s help. So Levi fusses over settling Erwin comfortably down on the bed, on his back, and then sits on the edge of the bed without much of an idea of what to do next.
“You should rest. I’ll go-“
“No, I’ve had enough of sleeping.”
“Then-“
“Come here.”
Levi walks around the bed, kicks off his shoes and climbs up to lay his head down against Erwin’s chest from the left side. Erwin’s remaining arm curls around him.
They lay like that for a little while.
Erwin stirs. Levi sits up and looks down at him.
“What-“
Erwin smirks and Levi follow’s Erwin’s glance downwards.
“You absolute pervert.”
“Don’t you want to sit on it?”
“Yes, but you’re still a pervert.”
Levi gets up off the bed, hurries to lock the door, and then comes back to the bed, shedding clothing as he crosses the room. Erwin grins at him the whole time.
“You’ll have to get yourself ready for me.”
“Like you can’t do it with either hand.”
But Levi is already retrieving the little vial of oil from the back of a draw beside the bed.
Kneeling on the bed, the covers pushed down along with the loose fabric bottoms that Erwin is wearing, Levi realises just how out of practice he is at doing this. Usually it’s Erwin’s large fingers stretching him, smearing oil across his hole and sliding, teasingly, in and out of him. He’s got so used to it that Levi feels like he’s fumbling with this all inexpertly now. He feels Erwin’s hand on his leg and realises that he’s closed his eyes.
“That’s enough. I need….”
Levi stares down at Erwin, at the desperation and desire written large across that usually composed face. It doesn’t matter now that Levi isn’t sure he’s ready for this, it doesn’t matter that it’s likely to hurt as a result, all that matters now is that Erwin wants him, and that Levi yearns to submit.
It’s an awkward little shuffle to get himself into position but the way that Erwin is looking at him wipes away any embarrassment Levi might be feeling. He takes hold of Erwin’s thick cock, lowering himself onto it, and letting gravity do the rest. The oil does help but it’s his own body that’s resisting; he’s tried to stretch himself as best he can but it’s not going to be nearly enough. But the weight of his body bearing down, the look on Erwin’s face, is just going to have to do. It almost feels like his sphincter simply clamps itself shut or at least tries to, but the oil makes his skin slick and his thighs are trembling already. It’s going to hurt, maybe he’ll feel skin tearing, maybe he’ll even bleed and why is that the thought that makes him ache with want. When did he become the pervert here? Erwin squeezes Levi’s thigh and all the strength seems to go out of those trembling limbs. Levi cries out in pain, in desperation, as Erwin’s cock fills him abruptly.
It’s too much, he can feel his muscles clamping tight around that thick intruder, he’s gasping and breathless and it hurts, damnit, it hurts. But he can’t move. He can’t get away. He’s desperately gasping for breath and all he can do is slump forward helplessly. He feels Erwin cup his face with his hand and Levi looks up, dazed and breathless. He feels Erwin’s thumb brush away his tears. It’s such a gentle gesture but it’s not at all matched by Erwin’s expression. That fearsome gaze seems to stare into his soul, if anything Erwin looks delighted at the fact that Levi is clearly weeping, wincing in pain because of Erwin himself. But for a moment at least Levi is allowed to try, futilely, to catch his breath.
“Sit up.”
And Levi does so, obediently, even though the movement seems to force him down further on Erwin’s thick cock. Levi gasps; if anything Erwin seems to have got even harder. Erwin’s hand settles on Levi’s thigh again and he presses his fingers into Levi’s flesh with a strength that will be sure to leave bruises.
Levi recognises the command for what it is. He lets his hands rest on Erwin’s firm stomach, to allow himself to tilt forward, and then pushes up with his aching thighs, lifting himself up until only the swollen head of Erwin’s cock is still inside him. It’s a relief; his insides throb with the ache of being stretched and now having that thick, firm, intruder suddenly removed. Levi let’s out a sound that’s half gasp, half wail of relief. But then Erwin’s hand is on his hip and a quick tug downwards is all that’s needed for Levi to slide down again onto Erwin’s waiting cock.
In some ways this is worse than the initial ache. Now he’s felt the relief of not feeling his spasming muscles being forced apart, being forced to accept whatever Erwin chooses to give to him, it feels like a gnawing, aching, burn has been ignited inside him.
“It hurts.”
Levi forces his eyes open and looks at Erwin as he says it. Erwin’s gaze is fixed on him intensely and he seems fascinated by the pain that he’s inflicting. Levi wants to say something more, he feels he should at least call Erwin a pervert or something along those lines, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is a sob. Then Erwin’s fingers tighten painfully again and Levi lifts his hips obediently to endure more pain, more agony, because this is what Erwin wants of him, because this is what it takes to give Erwin his release.
Levi doesn’t know how long it takes, how many times he lifts his hips, sobbing, gasping, as he does everything that Erwin wants of him. He feels almost numb where he’s being brutally used for Erwin’s pleasure. But now, every so often, there’s a spike of intense pleasure when he sits back down on that thick cock, when Erwin pushes or pulls Levi’s hips at a certain angle before filling him completely. And that’s worse. Now he’s crying and gasping, and he’s hard, while he’s roughly bouncing his arse up and down, on that hot, thick, cock inside him, that is hurting him with every movement, and that will soon enough make him scream in pleasure.
And it doesn’t take long one it’s started. That blinding, overwhelming, sensation renders him helpless. He thinks he does scream, he thinks he feels Erwin’s fingers dig into his hip even more painfully than before, his back arches and the tension in his own cock focuses, almost painfully, and then is followed by blissful relief. He can feel Erwin’s hot seed filling him up and it feels amazing. Levi slumps over, resting his hands on the bed now, on either side of Erwin. Erwin stares up at him, wide-eyed and desperate, and Levi leans down for a lingering kiss, that swallows up the muffled little noises Erwin is making, as he continues to pump his seed into Levi’s hole.
Even once Erwin’s cock stops twitching Levi doesn’t bother to move. He just lies down, on top of Erwin, enjoying the feel of Erwin’s slowly softening cock inside him. Erwin’s chest heaves with deep breaths that he’s clearly trying to slow but his hand curling around the back of Levi’s head tells Levi everything that he needs to know about whether or not Erwin would like Levi to actually get off him. Erwin’s breathing calms eventually and Levi supposes he should move. He can still feel Erwin inside him and, out of a sense of both experimentation and maybe to wind Erwin up a little, he clenches his anus a few times. Erwin’s sharp exhale tells Levi all he needs to know about how successful that manoeuvre has been.
But Levi doesn’t really have the strength left to actually do anything more and he really should get up and clean off. So he pushes himself up and lifts himself up off Erwin, letting out a little sound of disappointment as Erwin’s limp cock slides easily out of him.
Levi stands beside the bed and scratches at his hip. A glance across the room confirms that there is some water in a jug and a flannel, on a far table, so that will do. There’s a low hum behind him and Levi glances over his shoulder at the bed. Erwin is grinning his pervert grin again, and his eyes are clearly fixed on where his own semen is leaking down Levi’s thighs and bottom.
“Pervert.”
Erwin responds by rolling over a little and brushing his fingers against Levi’s bottom, so Levi concedes, and backs up against the bed to allow Erwin to give his arse a quick squeeze.
“Are we done now?”
Erwin yawns and rolls onto his back again, so Levi gathers up the water and flannel to clean them both off.
Cleaning himself down is easy enough but a quick glance confirms that yes, Erwin is watching again, so Levi takes his time over what should really just be a bit of a scrub at his backside. He comes back to the foot of the bed and rests a foot on it so that he can stretch, leisurely, underneath and run the cloth between his legs. That actually clears up most of the mess that has leaked out when he walked across the room but Levi wants to be thorough about this, so he takes his foot off the bed, and stands, legs a little wider apart than really necessary, with his back to the bed and bends over. He parts his buttocks with a hand and wipes the cloth over his hole. And the grunt from the bed tells him everything he needs to know about Erwin’s opinion on the matter.
Sufficiently clean, Levi climbs back up onto the bed so that he can sit down on Erwin’s legs, and lean forward attentively, nose almost brushing Erwin’s pubic hair, to make sure that Erwin’s cock is clean and that his stomach is wiped down too. Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a splatter on the bottom of Erwin’s shirt which Levi tries his best to soak through with water from the flannel.
“You’ll just have to take this off.”
He hears Erwin chuckle. Erwin knows full well how much Levi prefers to press himself to Erwin’s bare chest when they go to sleep. With a little bit of cooperation Levi gets Erwin’s bottoms pulled back up and his shirt removed so that it can be hung over a chair to dry. The damp flannel goes over a different chair to dry as well and Levi makes quick work of gathering up his discarded clothes to fold reasonably neatly in an acceptable pile on the chair with Erwin’s shirt.
A further glance around the room and Levi doesn’t find anything else that needs a little tidy before he can clamber into bed with Erwin. Erwin’s arm is around him almost as soon as Levi lies down. It feels comforting, almost consolatory, as if this is Erwin apologising for cutting off his own damn arm so that he could carry on the fight.
“A titan didn’t tear off your arm; you cut it off your own damn self.”
“Levi….”
“Because that’s what you always do. Without hesitation, without remorse; you always just leave behind the things that are holding you back.”
He feels Erwin squeeze him close. And it feels like an apology, as well as an admission, that one day, Erwin will leave Levi behind as well. Because the God-Emperor in that book had to die for humanity to be truly free, to be able to make their own choices, and not be constrained by his sensible and benevolent will. Because maybe for humanity to be free to make all the stupid choices that they’re inclined to make, there actually needs to be a world without God-Emperors or Ackermans, or anything of the sort. It makes a sad, fatalistic, sort of sense that way but Levi is determined not to be at all happy about it.
So he presses in close to Erwin’s side and tells himself that he’ll refuse to carry on without Erwin. That he’ll just lie down and die if he’s left alone. That-
“Levi, promise me that you’ll live.”
He squeezes his eyes shut tightly which does nothing to stop the tears, even if Erwin’s fingers in his hair are soothing. Now and only now can he spare the time to grieve; everything is changing so dramatically around them, so horrendously, that when the time comes, Levi knows that there won’t be a moment to spare for any regrets. So he’d best get his mourning done now, here, at Erwin’s side, knowing that he has given his all, will give his all, for Erwin’s sake.
“I’ll do whatever you ask of me.”
“I know you will.”
And funnily enough Erwin sounds at peace when he says it.