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Dongsoo doesn’t want to heal this man’s heart. He wants to hold it in his hands, feel it beating and begging to be put back in its place. He should just rip it out completely, Dongsoo could display it on the wall above his bed or in a glass case on his desk. He could chop up Doyoung’s heart and sear it on his stove, mix it in with rice or save slices of it to eat as a side dish.
Dongsoo lightly combs his hand through Doyoung’s hair. He isn’t sleeping, but as soon as Dongsoo started to stir Doyoung closed his eyes to pretend. Dongsoo doesn’t fall for it for a single second.
No, Dongsoo should have it raw. He could cut Doyoung open, rip out his heart, and take a big bloody bite out of it. If they’re both lucky enough, Doyoung will survive for long enough to see Dongsoo swallow him.
Doyoung’s hair is soft. Dongsoo should ask what products he uses. Probably something expensive. After Dongsoo started hanging around him more often- when they started to grow closer- Doyoung’s appearance became much cleaner. More presentable. Dongsoo remembers Doyoung’s greasy hair and his dirty hands. But Doyoung is clean, now, cleaner, at least. Dongsoo can’t stop fingering through Doyoung’s locks. His hair has gotten longer since they first met, too.
“What time is it?” The lawyer’s voice is rough with sleep and sickness and unwelcome fondness. It suits him beautifully.
At Dongsoo’s question, Doyoung immediately forgoes his unconvincing display of sleep to reach for his phone. He only moves his eyes to check it- he doesn’t want to lose Dongsoo’s soft, comforting touch.
“Almost two.”
Dongsoo hums at that. He hasn’t intentionally taken a nap in ages, but it must have helped, his head is noticeably lighter. His hand hasn’t stopped its rhythmic petting, and Doyoung is looking straight at him.
The lawyer’s thoughts get jumbled all over again. Dongsoo can see Doyoung’s eyes follow every line on his face. He can feel the burn of it on his skin. His fever probably hasn’t broken yet.
“Do you feel better?” Doyoung speaks quietly, trying not to startle his lawyer out of his thoughts. But the hand on his head stills and Doyoung’s jaw tightens. He shouldn’t have asked. He wasn’t at all ready for the moment to end.
Dongsoo watches Doyoung tense up. He can see the regret rise to Doyoung’s face, where it lands with a twitch at the corner of his mouth.
“Yes.” Dongsoo doesn’t thank him. He smooths his hand over Doyoung’s head again, instead. The man at his side softly sighs in relief and his body relaxes.
Dongsoo loves his wife. He was supposed to build a family with Hyeyoung. They both wanted it, and they tried. Dongsoo tried to build a life with her, but after his years of effort everything came crashing down– it feels like it happened so quickly. Like all his effort was for nothing.
The past feels far from Doyoung, too. His prison cell is blurry when he tries to imagine it. He can’t remember the names of his cellmates. He wishes the time would pass slowly, now. Doyoung wants to stay by Dongsoo’s side forever and ever, even if it has to be like this- stuck under the heavy weight of Dongsoo’s wishes- kneeling in wait at Dongsoo’s next command- Doyoung doesn’t need anything more than this. He can’t even imagine the world outside of this room, not now.
Dongsoo and Hyeyoung never even had a pet together. Dongsoo had taken to feeding the few stray cats that lived around Beomjae’s house- but he never did pick one up to take home to his wife. Dogs were never an option, because they were almost always expecting- praying for a child. What if their dog hurt their baby? Dongsoo doesn’t think he would be able to put it down.
That child would never come. Dongsoo wonders how much money he ended up wasting on fertility treatments. He doesn’t want to be a father anymore. It would be too dangerous for him to raise a kid now, in this violent world Dongsoo has been swept into. Surely Doyoung has no interest in parenthood.
Doyoung was sweet to Minhee, though. Dongsoo feels his throat get thick when he realizes for the tenth time that he won’t get to see Minhee grow up. Could Doyoung find a way to keep them in touch? What if she finds out what her godfather has been doing? What if she doesn’t like it and refuses to see him? What if Hyeyoung and Beomjae forbid them from ever meeting again?
Dongsoo sighs. He should drink some water. He doesn’t move to reach for his glass, and his hand is still steadily caressing Doyoung’s head. Doyoung hasn’t moved an inch, hasn’t said a word. He couldn’t be happier.
Because of the child that he can never have, Dongsoo never got to raise anything. He won’t get to see Minhee grow up and he lost the wife that was supposed to bear his baby.
Dongsoo, lost in his thoughts, rubs his thumb down the smooth skin behind Doyoung’s ear.
And Doyoung shivers. He lets out a noisy breath that makes Dongsoo’s eyes refocus and his thoughts come to a complete halt. Doyoung is still staring at him, but now his mouth is hanging open.
Dongsoo’s hand lays still again, this time closer to Doyoung’s neck than to the top of his head. The lawyer parts his lips to match Doyoung’s. The emotion swirling in Doyoung’s wide, wet eyes is overwhelming. Dongsoo can’t look away.
Dongsoo could own a dog. His unborn child isn’t an excuse anymore. And Dongsoo needs protection now more than ever- Doyoung would happily bite through anyone who gets in their way. If Doyoung can be trained to bare his teeth on command, he could act as a fine watchdog. A good one.
Doyoung’s heart flutters at the smile creeping onto Dongsoo’s face. When his lawyer’s fingers leave his neck, Doyoung almost whimpers, but luckily Dongsoo’s touch returns at Doyoung’s jaw. He brushes his thumb across Doyoung’s cheek, holding his face securely in the heavy silence. The chill of Dongsoo’s wedding band reminds Doyoung of his love for violent bloody murder.
“You should go.”
Doyoung closes his mouth. He wants to shake his head no and he wants Dongsoo’s hands to stay on him forever. But Dongsoo’s touch slips away from him, and he has to dig his nails into his palms to stop himself from leaning back into Dongsoo’s hands. On his knees and motionless, Doyoung clenches his teeth. Poor thing.
“Don’t you need to get back to the office?” Dongsoo tries again, smile not completely fallen from his face. “I know how busy we are.”
We. Dongsoo asks Doyoung to leave and considers them one in the same breath. It’s so confusing and Doyoung’s face still burns from Dongsoo’s fingers and his palms are about to start bleeding- but if it’s what Dongsoo wants…
Doyoung leaves. It takes a while, he lingers around in Dongsoo’s room and in his hallway but the lawyer won’t say anything else to him. He’s just sitting up in his lonely bed, watching Doyoung stall his exit. He doesn’t lift a finger, doesn’t wave him away, Dongsoo only watches.
In front of Dongsoo’s closed apartment, Doyoung lingers even longer. He leans his back against the door, and swears he can feel the heat of Dongsoo from the other side. Leaving empty handed feels wrong. He should have stolen something- maybe one of Dongsoo’s shirts or one of his drinking glasses.
He still could. The code to Dongsoo’s apartment is imprinted in his mind, he could go right back in. If Dongsoo hadn’t asked him so nicely to leave, he really would slip back inside and find the perfect thing to steal. His lips tingle.
Doyoung’s phone rings. Fuck. He starts away from Dongsoo and his home, uncharacteristically afraid that his lawyer will be able to hear the call from inside- afraid that he’ll know Doyoung lingered. Like he hadn’t in front of him already, stumbled dumbly around his room waiting for something more that never came.
“Hyungnim.” It’s Ohjae. Doyoung doesn’t respond, silently waiting for Ohjae to continue. “Will you be at the office today?”
“Why?” Doyoung wants to go straight home. He wants to turn around and kneel at Dongsoo’s sickly side again. He can hear other voices around Ohjae.
“It’s fine if you don’t come.” The last thing Doyoung wants is to go back to his house. No- he immediately thinks of dozens of things he wants less, all involving his lawyer. He can’t go back inside. He can’t go home.
Ohjae takes the silence without complaint. The sound of people talking and working around him fades away, leaving Doyoung with only the sound of his own footsteps and the endless ringing in his ears. It isn’t until he’s back outside, standing in the sunlight that he makes his decision.
Ohjae is already in Doyoung’s office by the time he arrives. Ohjae half bows as Doyoung approaches, and stares at the side of his boss’ face when he passes by to take his spot at his desk.
“How is attorney Han?” Ohjae asks it with sincerity. He does care, moreso about Dongsoo’s omnipresent effect on Doyoung’s mood and rationale than the lawyer himself. But it is ultimately curiosity that pushes the question out of him. What exactly had Doyoung been doing all morning?
“What do you think of him?” Doyoung answers with a question, looking at his office door instead of at Ohjae. His hair isn’t as neat as usual.
“I think he’s smart.” Doyoung nods, leaning back in his chair and finally glancing over Ohjae. He looks expectant, engaged- serious. “And I think he’s useful.”
Useful. Doyoung blinks at him. He was thinking in the opposite direction, Doyoung had forgotten about business entirely, even while he’s seated in his office.
“Ohjae.” He’s so lucky to hear his name from Doyoung’s mouth. “Have you ever been in love?”
This isn’t something they talk about. Ohjae has seen blood spilt over these love talks more than once. He never could bring himself to tell Doyoung that his subordinates warn each other to steer clear of ‘the L word’ in front of their boss. But here he is, saying it all on his own.
It's not normal. It makes Ohjae nervous in an odd way but he’s quick to swallow the feeling down. His mouth feels dry. This is nowhere near his area of expertise.
“Yes.” That’s what Doyoung needs to hear. He shouldn’t ask for any details. Ohjae’s heart thumps in his throat and Doyoung won’t look away from him. “What happened?”
That finally turns Doyoung away. Ohjae takes a quiet, deep breath to recover himself. This isn’t about him. Doyoung is asking him for advice. He is asking Ohjae for help because he trusts Ohjae. That’s enough- that is more than enough.
“He asked me,” Doyoung is staring off again, “if I’m in love with him.” Dongsoo has gotten bold. Ohjae sees the man as a growing, looming threat. If that lawyer can wrap Doyoung around his finger, they’re all done for. “And…” Doyoung stops himself, suddenly closing his mouth tight.
“And?” Ohjae goes cold. No, there’s no way.
“We…” Doyoung relives it before he confesses. “Kissed…”
Fuck. It’s too late. They’re all doomed. Ohjae tries not to let this show on his face, but Doyoung isn’t looking at him so he allows his lip to twitch and his jaw to tighten. They are all so fucked.
Ohjae has tried before to tell Doyoung about this. He once, carefully, explained to Doyoung that he was treating attorney Han very well. Doyoung had already bought Dongsoo so many meals and clothed him to his exact taste- if Dongsoo caught wind of Doyoung’s unwavering attention and care, it was only a matter of time.
When Ohjae originally brought up this concern, he expected to be met with some violence. Doyoung never hit him, not then and not since (not even before, Ohjae realizes) and his talk was instead met with confusion. ‘But he’s my lawyer’ was Doyoung’s only contribution to the topic. It was just a waste of time.
The silence drags for long enough that Doyoung grows restless. He crosses his long legs and laces his long fingers together. Ohjae knows he needs to say something, he knows that Doyoung needs to hear something. Anything.
“Um.” Ohjae starts before he’s even decided where he’s going to take this. Doyoung’s eyes snap to him, waiting. “Is that the only thing you did?”
If Doyoung wasn’t so drained, that might have earned Ohjae a harsh glance or a huff of annoyance. But his boss is only silent, the lack of retort giving him away. There’s more?
“He took a nap.” Doyoung’s knees ache. “And when he woke up he…” Doyoung untangles his fingers and raises one of his hands to hover above his head. The pause isn’t picked back up, and Doyoung’s hand hangs unmoving.
Ohjae is not entirely sure what Doyoung is getting at, but his distress is obvious and Ohjae gives up digging for details- it isn’t productive. It isn’t helping.
“It’s going to be okay.” Doyoung drops his hand on his desk, the force of it rattling his nameplate. That wasn’t the right thing to say, apparently. Damn it. “Do you… do you like him?” Doyoung nods.
“That’s what I told him.” Doyoung licks the roof of his mouth. “I’ve already said that to him, before today. But he kept pressing it and then he went to sleep and when he got up he kicked me out.” He makes a sort of why the fuck motion with his hands, directed at Ohjae, prompting him to explain his lawyer’s absurd actions.
“He might see your liking as romantic.” Ohjae half heartedly skips a beat to give Doyoung the chance to deny it. He doesn’t. “And he might not know what to do about it.”
He doesn’t have to do anything. All Doyoung wants is for things to continue as they are. A big, lonely part of him wants to drive all the way back to Dongsoo’s apartment to check on him again. It’s hard for him to stay seated.
“You should give it some time.” Ohjae can see Doyoung already itching to go. “Give him some space to sort out his feelings.”
Time away from Dongsoo? Doyoung only realized today- just hours ago- how much he enjoys being in his lawyer’s vicinity. He had taken it for granted before, and he feels stupid for it now. Is it too late? Had he missed his one opportunity?
“Ohjae.” The name’s owner almost slips into his own velvety emotions. “Does it look romantic?”
Ohjae steels himself. He’s had to brush off all of his subordinates' concerns about this- he’s put a lot of curious men back in their places for questioning their boss’ relationship with his lawyer. It isn’t really a secret- everyone just knows better than to talk about it too loudly. How is he supposed to tell Doyoung how obvious he’s been?
“You treat him differently.” Ohjae can handle anything. “Compared to everyone else.”
“Well.” Doyoung thinks about it. He’s careful with what he does for Dongsoo. “I’ve never had my own lawyer before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to treat them.”
And Doyoung seems to check out again. He’s back at Dongsoo’s side, watching his sleeping face. He should have slipped off Dongsoo’s ring to steal it while he was unconscious. Would he destroy it? Hide it? Sell it? Dongsoo would be furious with him- he would leave. Doyoung’s heart sinks.
“Hyungnim.” Ohjae sees the panic rising in him. “Do you want me to do something?” He’s sworn his loyalty already. Ohjae was quick to earn Doyoung’s trust. He’s already sleuthed his way into getting Dongsoo’s measurements at Doyoung’s command. There’s nothing he can think of that he wouldn’t do. He doesn’t like seeing Doyoung so off kilter- it makes Ohjae wobble, too.
“Don’t tell anyone.” It’s a childish request of already confirmed secrecy, but Doyoung is so out of his depth that it doesn’t shock Ohjae. It’s a bit endearing, actually.
“Of course.” This could be good, actually. Maybe. Probably not. Doyoung can figure this out, surely.
Doyoung nods, finally angling up to sit at his desk properly. Ohjae takes it as his cue to leave, even though it isn’t, and steps back with a short bow. He wants to get out of this moody, sticky office immediately. Doyoung doesn’t watch him walk away, more interested in the files Ohjae had left on his desk.
“And,” Ohjae immediately turns around. It’s easier to look at Doyoung from a distance. “Thank you.”
Ohjae stiffens, forces a smile, and smoothly escapes. If he stops to take a deep breath on the other side of the door, it’s nobody's business.
Doyoung is able to catch up with his work, turning down the suggestion of a late lunch for paperwork. It's easy, sitting in his office and reading, but the monotony of it makes Doyoung’s hands heavy. When he was younger, doing grunt work for the gang, there was more variety. More risk. There was a promise of climbing the ladder, of learning new trades and earning more money and buying trendier clothes. Now he’s dealing mainly with suits, older men who climbed to their peak later in life than Doyoung had managed to.
Older men. Older men wearing suits.
Doyoung checks his watch. He’s done enough. He signs off on a report he didn’t get all the way through and pushes away from his desk. He waves off Ohjae’s offer to drive him, and escapes the city on his own.
His home is quiet when he steps inside. He sheds his jacket and shoes and heads straight for the kitchen. He wonders if Dongsoo was able to have another meal. Doyoung hasn’t eaten all day.
Doyoung pours himself a glass of whiskey and brings it with him upstairs. As soon as he takes a sip he regrets it- he’s washing down his last traces of Dongsoo. In anger he finishes the rest, and the empty glass rattles when he discards it on his night stand. His mouth feels disgusting.
Brushing his teeth doesn’t help. Laying down doesn’t help. He doesn’t sleep a wink. The sun rises and Doyoung doesn’t, dread and fear keeping him hidden beneath his sheets. He waits for Ohjae to text him, and he does on the hour. He’s asking if Doyoung needs a ride.
No. Push my schedule again.
Doyoung sends it off and drops his phone onto the floor, retreating back into his cocoon of repression and misery. The loneliness feasts on him for the rest of the morning.
He drifts off eventually, dead to the world for almost three hours. When he wakes up he feels the false hand of his lawyer on his head and it startles him to his feet, his mind frazzled from the nap.
He remembers kissing Dongsoo. Standing outside doesn’t help. Nothing on television drowns out his thoughts. He manages to nibble his way through a slice of bread and rewards himself with a shot. The alcohol helps, it always does. It helps him sit still and it makes his imaginary lawyer less opaque.
But he isn’t the same. This Dongsoo can’t talk to him or touch him or keep him company. This Dongsoo doesn’t give him any answers. Doyoung needs the real one.
But Doyoung has to give him time and space. Ohjae didn’t tell him how long this separation is supposed to last. He’s scared to find out- what if it's weeks?
Doyoung’s solitude passes like this, a cycle of starved confusion and heartache. He thinks he might die like this, stuck completely in his head with no way to escape. When Ohjae texts him again, he snaps out of his fugue long enough to ask once more for his meetings to be rescheduled.
The elevator door opens to Doyoung’s floor, and Dongsoo makes immediate eye contact with Ohjae, who seems acutely surprised to see him. Since when can Dongsoo recognize emotion on this man’s face?
“Attorney Han.” Ohjae stands in front of the doors to keep them open, the full weight of his sharp gaze on the lawyer. “The boss isn’t here.”
“Oh.” Dongsoo leans against the bar behind him, feigning ease. Unsuccessfully. “Did he leave early?”
“No.” Ohjae steps into the elevator and starts them back to the first floor. He backs up to meet the same bar Dongsoo is leaning on, and stands right in front of it.
“No?” They watch each other closely for two floors. Dongsoo reads Ohjae’s silence as awkwardness instead of the anger that it is. He sort of hates Dongsoo right now. He’s the reason Ohjae’s plate is so full, and it's his fault for scaring Doyoung bad enough to have him neglect his duties.
“He didn’t come in today.” Dongsoo realizes how few one-on-one conversations he’s had with this man. It’s like he’s hearing his voice for the first time. Maybe he just sounds different. “Or yesterday.”
Dongsoo had only taken one more sick day, following the one he shared with Doyoung. Ohjae’s lips are tight, and he turns away from Dongsoo to face the elevator doors.
“Where is he?” Ohjae crosses his arms, decidedly silent. They’re on floor three. “There’s something important I have to discuss with him.”
“You can tell me.” Ohjae answers, jealousy oozing out of him, and steps out of the elevator as soon as the doors crack open. Dongsoo has to take long strides to keep up with the man as he takes off into the parking lot. Ohjae stops between two tall, blacked out vans and turns on the lawyer.
“I need to discuss it with him.” Ohjae blinks at Dongsoo, feeling weirdly cornered. “Is he busy?”
“No.” Ohjae doesn’t know that for fact. He hasn’t heard a word since this morning when Doyoung texted him about pushing his schedule again.
“Will you take me to him?”
Ohjae stares at him. It’s so different from Doyoung’s gangster stare, Ohjae’s eyes are less glassed over- it feels like he’s reading Dongsoo down to his bones.
“I’d have to ask.” Ohjae does not want to. He just wants to go home.
Dongsoo could argue that point, Doyoung would likely enjoy Dongsoo showing up uninvited. But his right hand man doesn’t need to know that. In reality, Ohjae is already well aware of Doyoung’s unconditional acceptance of Dongsoo and the endless forgiveness he’s received. Doyoung’s obsession is obvious- Ohjae has a hard time believing that Dongsoo is as dense as his boss.
“Okay, then ask.” He motions for Ohjae to make the call anyways, like the stubborn bastard he is.
Ohjae liked the old attorney Han better. At least he felt some sense of superiority when he was cutting fingers in front of the lawyer. Being on the chopping block is much different- worse in a lot of ways. Ohjae wonders why Doyoung ever gave this guy a knife.
Ohjae pulls out his phone and speeddials his boss. He doesn’t lose Dongsoo’s eyes when he brings it up to his ear. The line ringing is annoying, but Dongsoo’s confident stare on him is aggravating. Neither stop until the call fails. Dongsoo watches Ohjae slip his phone back into his jacket.
“He didn’t answer?”
Ohjae doesn’t move an inch. He’s so fucking glad that Doyoung didn’t pick up, but it is concerning. His silence makes Dongsoo uneasy, makes him feel like he’s out of the loop. Like something is being hidden from him.
“Is he hurt?” It comes out panicked, despite Dongsoo’s best effort. No one else can steal the pleasure of ending Doyoung from him. When Ohjae shakes his head no, the sudden red anger subsides. Something clicks.
“Is he at home?” Ohjae nods. “Take me there.” It doesn’t sound like a request, but Ohjae doesn’t budge. He’s only putting off the inevitable.
“He told me.” Ohjae finally speaks, but the words make Dongsoo’s heart sink. He opens his mouth but can’t get a retort out before Ohjae continues. “What are you planning?”
Dongsoo is planning on destroying Doyoung from the inside out. He wants to own the rest of Doyoung’s control so he can properly turn it all against him. He’ll have the final word, no matter what.
“What exactly did he tell you?” Dongsoo deflects, the grip on his briefcase tightening and his shoulders squaring.
“Everything.” Dongsoo knows he’s telling the truth and it terrifies him. Ohjae probably knows more than Doyoung himself does. “What are your intentions, Attorney Han?”
“I don’t want to hurt him.” A boldfaced lie. He can’t tell if Ohjae believes him. Ohjae is smart, he believes the lawyer- only because Dongsoo is telling the truth. The lawyer really is leaning more towards giving Doyoung a quick death as opposed to a painful, intimate one.
Ohjae doesn’t respond. That’s fine. Dongsoo unpockets the phone that Doyoung bought him to make the call himself.
This asshole. Ohjae expects it, but it still hurts when Doyoung picks up the lawyer’s call within seconds.
“Hanbyeon.” Doyoung’s voice crackles to life. He thought he might have heard the last of Dongsoo, so the direct call is like a shot of adrenaline to him. He sheds the blanket that was keeping him safe and crosses his legs, eager to hear Dongsoo’s voice. Eager to talk to him.
“Doyoung.” Dongsoo levels a winning gaze on Ohjae, who didn’t know they were having a competition. “Are you sick?”
“I…” Doyoung clears his throat. He hasn’t spoken a word for almost two days, and he’s almost forgotten how. “I don’t feel good.”
“I’m with Ohjae right now.” Dongsoo smiles at Ohjae when he speaks his name. “Can I come see you?”
“Yes.” Dongsoo can hear Doyoung shuffling around through the phone. He’s crawling out of bed and stumbling around his room. “Have him drive you.”
“I will.” Dongsoo is rearing to go, eager to find out what state Doyoung is in. “See you soon.”
Doyoung makes a noise at him and hangs up first. His lawyer is coming over and he isn’t at all ready- he’ll have to rush.
“You’re taking me. My car is…” Dongsoo’s thumb juts out toward the parking garage behind him.
God fucking damn it. Dongsoo soaks up Ohjae’s subtle exasperation for a good long moment before starting off toward his car, not bothering to see if Ohjae is following him.
He is. He has to. Ohjae accepts Dongsoo’s key, the one that he had helped Doyoung pick out, and accepts his fate.
Ohjae is silently seething for the first half of the drive. It either doesn’t bother Dongsoo or he doesn’t clock the steam rising from Ohjae’s ears. But once they’re out of the city, Ohjae falls into close-mouthed worry instead.
Doyoung has barely been texting him back, and Ohjae can only imagine the state of misery he’s been brooding in. Even Ohjae doesn’t like being in that house for too long- it’s suffocating in there. Letting his lawyer wander in could potentially do some serious damage. He wishes he could convince Doyoung to put Kim Yusung out of his suffering- the man’s dying presence in the house taints the entire property. It’s creepy.
Dongsoo is only giddy with excitement. He had been planning on trapping Doyoung in his office and squeezing every drop of emotion out of him- but the house will help set a much better scene. Doyoung was granted access to Dongsoo’s apartment, and now it's his turn to properly invade Doyoung’s space. He should ask for the codes to his gate and front door. Ohjae already knows them, which is entirely unfair.
The sun has set by the time they arrive in front of Doyoung’s home. Dongsoo is climbing out of the backseat as soon as the car stops, anxious to get inside and see the damage he’s done.
“Go easy on him.” Ohjae belatedly suggests, and Dongsoo writes it off without a second thought- he’s going to do whatever the hell he wants. He half laughs at Ohjae and closes the car door. Like an asshole.
In his lap, Ohjae’s phone buzzes with a message. It’s Doyoung- he must have heard them pull up.
Stay outside.
Ohjae hates how hurt he feels. Doyoung appreciates him, trusts him, Ohjae knows that, but sitting alone in the car he bought for his lawyer, Ohjae feels lame. Forced to wait for Doyoung to get ravished by the lawyer that’s going to take them all down. Awesome. Cool.
He can’t be that mad. He’ll entertain himself by staring at the front door, pretending he can see through it. A softer voice in his head hopes that Doyoung at least got some kind of idea during his days off. Maybe there’s still a way for them to survive.
Doyoung opens the front door wearing a black robe. His hair is damp and unkept- like he had only barely towel dried it.
“You didn’t have to shower.” Dongsoo tells him, stepping into the house like he owns it. He slips his shoes off and enters wearing his socks, sliding right past Doyoung and into his client’s big, sad living room.
Dongsoo hears the door close. He turns to watch Doyoung approach, his steps less elegant and calculated than Dongsoo is used to. Fresh out of the shower, Doyoung’s hair looks even longer, the wet ends of it stuck to the sides of his neck.
His robe probably costs a fortune. If Dongsoo had arrived any later, he’s sure Doyoung would have gotten fully dressed- would have gelled his hair back and worn a tie. The lawyer is glad Doyoung didn’t have proper time to prepare for his visit, seeing the man like this felt like a privilege.
Doyoung looks his lawyer up and down, it's impossible for him to skip admiring Dongsoo whenever he’s graced with his presence. He crosses his arms, hugging himself a bit. He must be cold. Doyoung unknowingly confirms that concern with a shiver, trembling in his place before his fully dressed lawyer.
“Why did you come?” Doyoung’s voice is less rough with sickness than Dongsoo heard over the phone. His shower must have helped.
A small, restrained part of Dongsoo wants to uncross Doyoung’s arms and topple him over and end his life on Doyoung’s living room floor. It’s so much harder to act on his violence when Doyoung is in front of him. He looks flushed and pitiful and Dongsoo almost regrets sharing his sickness.
Almost. This might be the only chance Dongsoo will ever get to see Doyoung like this.
“The same reason you visited me.” Dongsoo reaches up and carefully places the back of his hand to Doyoung’s cheek. He’s expectedly hot to the touch.
“I’m not sick.” When Doyoung speaks, Dongsoo can feel the breath on his wrist. Doyoung is looking at him over the hand Dongsoo hasn’t removed from his face.
“You’re warm.” Doyoung’s neck and cheeks and ears are pink, too. He touches the shell of one of Doyoung’s burning ears, and the noisy breath he makes is telling. Dongsoo is causing all of this.
“I missed you.” Doyoung swallows, voice falling to a whisper. “While you were gone.”
It’s overwhelming. Doyoung looks like a kicked puppy and Dongsoo supposes he is- he had been the one to shoo Doyoung away. He could have at least texted. Dongsoo hates the way the guilt tastes on the back of his tongue. His client’s eyes are big and glassy and beautiful. Irresistible.
“Doyoung.” At his name, Doyoung snaps to full attention, zeroing in on the source of the call. “Kiss me.”
There’s no hesitation, no missed beat, Doyoung bends to meet his lips immediately. Doyoung’s lips are barely there, pressed lightly against Dongsoo’s. The lawyer waits for a moment and then pushes him back, tilting Doyoung with an amused look.
“Sit down.” Doyoung finds what’s closest, his couch, and slides down onto it. The leather creaks when Dongsoo follows him, straddling Doyoung to sit in his lap. “Try again.”
Doyoung’s instincts bring his hands to Dongsoo’s waist and the weight of him is good, grounding. He’s real and tangible and Doyoung leans forward to meet his lips again.
It’s much better. Dongsoo has some leverage this way, and it’s easier to press Doyoung into the couch than to tiptoe and meet his shy lips. Doyoung must prefer it too, his big hands start to stutter at Doyoung’s hips when Dongsoo pushes against him, caging him in.
Dongsoo takes his time, his eyes falling closed as he begins to learn Doyoung’s lips. He eases Doyoung into it, reaching for his jaw to turn his head to give Dongsoo a new angle to work with. Doyoung starts sinking into it, blindly succumbing to the new pleasure Dongsoo is smothering him with.
Dongsoo’s hand slides down his neck and slips under Doyoung’s robe, the cold touch to his chest knocking all of the air out of his client. Dongsoo gives him an inch of space so Doyoung can remember how to breathe.
Doyoung hasn’t prepared for anything- he didn’t even have time to get dressed before Dongsoo showed up tonight. He hasn’t realistically considered sex as an option until now, and he doesn’t want to keep Dongsoo waiting- doesn’t want to let him down- but this is new and terrifying and his fingers are going numb.
“I’ve never had sex with a man.” Doyoung spits out, looking dead serious, lips wet and parted and gaze fixed. Dongsoo’s wandering hand promptly retreats from under Doyoung’s robe, settling at the base of his long neck instead.
“So?” Dongsoo huffs at him. He wants to laugh, but doesn’t want to risk Doyoung climbing out from under him and hiding away in embarrassment. “We’re kissing, not having sex.”
“But if we’re a couple…” Sex is the thing that people do. Love talks that Doyoung overhears between his men often end up in explicit territory- it's always been Doyoung’s cue to tune out or walk away.
“We aren’t a couple.” Dongsoo pushes up from Doyoung a bit, who chases after him, neck craning. His hand slides up from Dongsoo’s waist, reaching his side and then his shoulder. He has forgotten entirely about the sex, his heart instead twisting into confused knots at the sudden rejection.
“But we…” If Doyoung has his lawyer on top of him and kissing him, aren’t they dating? Aren’t they together? “Why not?”
“Do you want to be?” Instead of bringing up Hyeyoung or their matching sex or their complex business relationship, Dongsoo leans back down. Doyoung’s other hand mirrors the one he’s already got on Dongsoo’s shoulder, holding onto him like his life depends on it.
“Yes.” It sounds like it's hurting Doyoung to speak. His tongue and throat are dry and he needs Dongsoo to kill the distance between them and fix it- fix everything- for him.
“Why?” Dongsoo has some nerve to be playing dumb and pretending not to adore the nervous tongue that peaks between Doyoung’s lips.
“You…” Doyoung thinks hard. He swims through the thoughts he’s been drowning in, trying to find some convincing truth. It isn’t easy. He’s already spilled everything he has to Dongsoo. “I don’t ever want to be away from you.”
“That’s all?” The absolute doesn’t scare Dongsoo off. He already knows that promised forevers are only ever false- he thinks he can escape anything. His head has gotten too big. Dongsoo thumbs over the mole on Doyoung’s neck, drawing a tremor out of him.
“And you’re smart.” Doyoung could start listing everything he loves about his lawyer, but he can’t wait that long to kiss him again. It won’t be long before he either swallows Dongsoo whole or sulks away into his lair with his tail between his legs. “And I like you.”
“So you want to date me?” Dongsoo likes the way Doyoung’s throat rumbles under his hands when he speaks.
“Yes.” Doyoung grates it out, something that feels like anger bubbling hot under his skin. “I want you to be my…” Dongsoo didn’t understand when he said partner, so, “... boyfriend.”
Dongsoo is too old to be someone’s boyfriend. But fuck, he feels twenty years younger- it excites him, it’s liberating. His world doesn’t have to end because of Doyoung, he can start something brand new. Maybe he wants to keep Doyoung around. On a short leash, of course.
Dongsoo smiles, satisfied, and finally, fucking finally, kisses Doyoung again.
He’s kissing someone other than his wife for the first time in forever and it’s so much better, Doyoung’s mouth is bigger and sloppier and his breath is hotter. Had he and Hyeyoung ever kissed like this? Why does Doyoung smell so good?
Doyoung’s heart thumps in his ears and in Dongsoo’s tight grasp. Dongsoo’s experience is overpowering. He loves it. Doyoung thinks he must be the best kisser to have ever lived- there’s no way everyone else is so good at it. The deep press of Dongsoo’s lips to his is perfect and electrifying.
When Dongsoo’s tongue suddenly licks into his mouth, Doyoung bites down reflexively, snagging Dongsoo’s retreating lip with his teeth.
“Fuck!” Dongsoo’s curses, one hand reaching up for his stinging lip. He tastes blood. “What the fuck?”
Doyoung does not look remorseful. He’s almost panting, breaths loud and uneven, staring at the dot of red he drew from Dongsoo’s dangerous lips. There’s a short trail of spit dropping down his chin. He’s used to blood and harsh language and both look so incredibly good on his lawyer- he wants to draw that reaction out again.
Dongsoo has to forgive him. The hand at his injury returns to Doyoung, this time at the crown of his head. When Dongsoo strokes his hand down, a rumble rises from Doyoung, escaping him in a noisy, weak exhale.
“Don’t bite so hard.” Dongsoo threads all of his fingers through the hair at the back of Doyoung’s head. When Doyoung quietly nods, Dongsoo holds him still and dives back in.
Doyoung attaches to his bleeding lip immediately, apologizing with soft licks. Dongsoo’s metallic flavor graces his senses and it’s the only thing he wants to taste for the rest of his life.
He might develop a violent hunger for it.
When Dongsoo’s tongue comes back into play, Doyoung allows its intrusion. He stills a bit, overwhelmed by the feeling, but Dongsoo licks across his teeth and it’s actually nice. It’s good. Dongsoo sucks the last drops of Doyoung’s fear out of him and the weight being lifted feels amazing. He moans low into Dongsoo’s mouth when his hair gets tugged.
The sound shocks both of them. Doyoung blinks slowly at him, his eyes becoming heavy and hooded. Dongsoo gives his hair another pull, harder this time, and a deeper, rougher rumble crawls out of Doyoung’s mouth. It stirs something dormant in Dongsoo, rousing him enough to feel the need to shift in Doyoung’s lap.
It’s hard for Dongsoo to remember why he’s doing this. His blood is thrumming in his ears and Doyoung is panting under him, waiting patiently. He learns so quickly, Dongsoo should have started training him earlier. His hands gather at Doyoung’s neck, collaring him with loose fingers.
“It’s getting late.” Doyoung strains, shaking his head in a continuous no. A lone bead of sweat crawls down his temple.
“Please.” Doyoung’s pleading, puppy dog eyes are extremely effective. Dongsoo should fight it, play even harder to get, but it’s too cruel to leave Doyoung aching again. His quick shower hadn’t washed away the bags under his eyes. Dongsoo should have come sooner. He needs to get out of here.
Reinforcement is important too, Dongsoo ends up reasoning, hands leaving Doyoung’s bobbing throat to fan across his big, quivering shoulders, his touch staying above the robe.
“You can stay the night.” The desperation in Doyoung’s voice is embarrassing.
Dongsoo should not stay the night. He won’t be able to keep his hands to himself and he knows he has to drag this out if he wants to end up on top. Dongsoo starts to peel away without a lot of intent, but stops when Doyoung paws at his chest, claws drawn.
“Don’t leave yet.” Dongsoo is the only thing that Doyoung wants. “Not yet.”
Doyoung’s begging is adorable and terribly effective. Dongsoo can indulge him for just a little longer. He likes pressing Doyoung down like this and loves Doyoung’s lack of resistance.
Dongsoo kisses him again. And again. It doesn’t go further than that, but it's the most intense thing that Doyoung has ever experienced. He feels like he’s losing his mind, forgetting everything beyond the lawyer on top of him. It’s divinity and Doyoung wants it for the rest of his life. He won’t be able to live without it, now.
Dongsoo can feel Doyoung relax, his big body turning to putty. Dongsoo can barely wait to mold Doyoung into any shape he pleases- he wants to start right now. Dongsoo licks a dangerous stripe up the column of Doyoung’s throat, and the stifled, bit off sound he gets in return is too much. He leans back and Doyoung’s arms follow him, snaking around his waist to keep him seated.
Dongsoo’s control is running on empty.
“I should go.” Doyoung looks like he’s going to fall apart. He doesn’t shake his head or complain, only his stare jumps between Dongsoo’s eyes and his puffy lips. “Do you feel better?”
“Yes.” Doyoung is peaking, he’s more alive than he’s ever been before. He doubts that anything in the world could make him feel better than his lawyer does.
“Good.” Dongsoo pecks him once, and then slips out of Doyoung’s loose grasp.
When he stands, Doyoung follows. As Dongsoo starts for the front door, Doyoung is barely able to swallow down a whine. This is what Dongsoo wants- to leave- Doyoung has to let him. He’s still buzzing.
“You’re going to your office tomorrow.” Dongsoo slips back into his shoes and then turns to face Doyoung, who had followed him all the way across the room. It’s impressive that he’s even on his feet. “Catch up on your work in the morning. And then we can grab lunch.”
“A date.” Doyoung slurs out, standing slouched and sloppy in his foyer. He hasn’t straightened out his robe and it's starting to slip down one of his arms. It's tantalizing. Dongsoo needs to go.
“Yes.” Sure. He’s already been on a dozen dates with Doyoung. “Goodnight.”
Dongsoo has to turn away before he jumps Doyoung all over again. He takes his first step, and Doyoung follows it from behind, inching forward to lean over Dongsoo as he tries to escape. He’s really pushing it.
Dongsoo raises a finger at him, his other hand finding the door handle.
“Stay.”
It works. Doyoung listens. He straightens, giving Dongsoo his space back and letting him pull open the front door. The growing distance raises an ache in both of their chests, and when the door clicks shut Doyoung almost falls to his knees. He leans on the wall for support instead, listening to Dongsoo’s fading footfalls.
Dongsoo slides easily into the backseat of his car, composing himself as quickly as he can. He tugs his tie to loosen it a bit. It doesn’t really help. He thinks about the mole that lives high on Doyoung’s neck. He imagines it as a target- the center of a bullseye.
“He’ll be back at the office tomorrow.”
“Great.” Ohjae buckles back up, scanning Dongsoo out of the corner of his eye. He looks done-in. “Going home?”
“Yes, please.” Dongsoo watches out of the window as they pull away from Doyoung’s lair. He wonders what Doyoung’s bedroom looks like. Once the house is out of view, Dongsoo turns to watch Ohjae drive. His chest hurts. He misses Doyoung’s hands on him.
“So you two are like,” Dongsoo leans forward to make sure Ohjae is listening to him, “...friends?”
Ohjae’s head tilts to meet Dongsoo’s eyes and reads him in half of a second before returning his focus to the road.
“He probably doesn’t see it that way.” Ohjae tells him honestly. He knows he doesn’t have a fighting chance. He had just spent an hour accepting his death while Dongsoo was inside living the life Ohjae would never have. “But I’m the closest thing he has to one.”
Dongsoo needs to take that spot. Ohjae might end up being a harder enemy to conquer than Doyoung- the guy is too attentive. Doyoung did well to handpick him.
“You’ve known him longer than me.” Ohjae assures him, too exhausted to argue. “I only got my spot after Yangho was taken care of.”
Dongsoo took care of that corpse for Doyoung before Ohjae was even in the picture. That’s good. He’s had a good headstart- he’s already won. When Dongsoo smiles his lips look a bit swollen. Ohjae doesn’t point it out.
Doyoung is going to tell Ohjae everything. He doesn’t need to worry yet. Doyoung has survived Dongsoo’s attack tonight- there’s still time. Ohjae has time to save them all.
In the back seat, Dongsoo seems sated. He’s less catty than he was an hour ago- he probably used up all of his energy. Honestly it looks like he’s going to fall asleep back there.
Dongsoo could have pure intentions- Doyoung deserves to have a permanent, sound partner in his life. Ohjae shouldn’t be so pessimistic- attorney Han might be that person.
Dongsoo does end up dozing off in the car, and Ohjae is gentle when he shakes him awake and pushes him towards his building. They don’t share a word.
Dongsoo completely regrets not accepting Doyoung’s offer to stay over. He could be wide awake right now, learning every curve and dip of his new pet or teaching it to roll over and play nice. In his cold, empty bed in his quiet, lonely apartment, Dongsoo fantasizes about training Doyoung to play dead.