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“Did you know that the bull is a sacred animal to both Zeus and Poseidon?” Annabeth asked Percy as they walked around the small farm.
“How would I know that ?” Percy asked. “It wasn’t that long ago when I didn’t even know Poseidon was real, let alone my dad.”
“Unsurprising,” Annabeth said.
“Hey!”
“What?” Annabeth asked. “You’re Seaweed Brain for a reason.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to rub it in,” Percy said, looking at the bull. He was behind a giant fence and kept far away from all the female cows with plenty of space to run.
“Come on,” Annabeth said, pulling at Percy’s arm. “I want to see the chickens.”
“I’d rather eat some chicken,” Percy said, rubbing his stomach. “When’s lunch?”
“I don’t know,” Annabeth told him. “Come on .”
“Hey,” Percy said with a small grin. “Dare me to go bull-tipping?”
“What? No way. That bull will kill you. And if he doesn’t, then your dad or Zeus definitely will.”
“Because it’s their sacred animal?”
“Exactly.”
“That’s bull.”
Annabeth gave Percy an unimpressed look.
“Hey, Michael!” Percy called.
“What, Jackson?!” Michael Yew called back.
“Dare me to smack the bull?!”
“Absolutely!”
Percy winked at Annabeth and started climbing the fence.
“Wait,” Annabeth said. She handed Percy her Yankees hat. “When he sees you, he’ll charge. Don’t let him get you, Seaweed Brain.”
“Thanks, Wise Girl,” Percy said. He put the bill of the hat in his back pocket and jumped into the enclosure. He saw the bull’s ears twitch as he got closer to it and then…
Percy reached out and smacked the bull’s rump as hard as he could before running for his life.
“GO PERCY!”
The bull made a terrifying noise and started chasing after Percy. Percy did his best to bob and weave to get away from the bull, but it seemed to anticipate his movements.
“Percy! Use the hat!” Annabeth called, her eyes wide and fearful. Percy tried pulling the hat out of his pocket, but it wasn’t there. He went left and tried running back where he started, seeing the blue hat on the ground.
Percy ran by it and picked it up, wishing the bull wasn’t a regular bull so his celestial bronze sword could come in handy. Just as the hat was a mere fingertip length away from his head, the bull stopped, his angry eyes still boring into Percy’s.
Seeing his chance, Percy began to back away slowly. He felt the tall fence behind him and reached back to grip it.
Except it wasn’t part of the fence.
Percy felt cloth under his hand and he turned his head. An extremely enraged god was staring right back at him.
“Dad,” Percy said, taking a step back towards the bull as it was clearly the safer option. “What are you doing here?”
“My son,” Poseidon said, gesturing to Percy. “My sacred animal.” Poseidon pointed to the bull. “What are you doing, Perseus?”
“I can explain,” Percy said.
“Good, because I asked you to do just that,” Poseidon said.
“It’s…”
“Perseus.”
“So the Hunters stopped by camp last week and Zeus came to see Thalia. They got talking and Zeus was saying how you were wrong and that the bull was his sacred animal. I told him that it was yours and his, and he said if I didn’t believe him, to find a bull and get near it. If it chased me, it’d prove him right. If it didn’t, then he’d agree to share it with you. And it chased me, Dad. I think- Dad, I think Zeus cursed it!”
Percy looked at Poseidon with wide, innocent eyes.
“That’s just the thing Zeus would do,” Poseidon said as the ground began to tremble under him. “If he thinks I will allow this to happen, he’s mistaken!” Poseidon disappeared and Percy blew a sigh of relief. He felt something tickling the back of his neck and he reached back to scratch the itch.
His hand touched a hairy, wet, cold snout.
“Good bull,” Percy said, turning to look at the animal. “You don’t want to hurt me, right?”
The bull snorted, blowing snot all over Percy. His eyes said he very much did want to hurt Percy for invading his space. Percy gulped and pulled the Yankee’s hat on his head, immediately going invisible. He ran to the fence and jumped up and over to safety.
“That was close,” Annabeth said. Percy took off her hat and handed it to her. She pinched the bill with her thumb and index finger in disgust of the bull snot on it.
“We should go,” Percy said, looking around in a slight panic.
“What? Why?”
“Did you not see my dad?!”
“We did, and then he was gone. I said that was close, didn’t I?”
“I told him Zeus cursed the bull,” Percy said wildly. “I’ve gotta hide. Do you think Hades will let me stay in the Underworld for the rest of forever?”
“You…” Annabeth dropped the Yankee’s hat and covered her face. “Percy, what did you do ?!”
“I saved my butt!”
Clouds began rolling across the sky in a way that could have only been caused by Zeus. Rain poured and thunder roared.
“You just caused a war between two of the Big Three!” Annabeth cried.
“Campers!” Chiron called. “To the bus! We must return to camp immediately!”
“Hurry!” Annabeth said, grabbing Percy’s hand and taking off in a run. They made it to the bus and into a seat and Argus tried starting the engine. He glanced up, his hundred eyes all looking back at Chiron in pure panic.
“What’s going on?” Will asked. “Why can’t we go anywhere?”
“I feel as if this is a Jonah and the Whale situation,” Chiron said seriously.
“Huh?” Percy said.
“There was a storm and Jonah was thrown over-”
“What myth is this?” Percy asked Annabeth.
“The Bible,” she said. “But once Jonah was thrown over, the storm calmed and the people on the boat lived.”
“So who pissed the gods off?” Clarisse asked angrily, her hair soaked and sticking to her face.
“Percy,” Michael said.
“Hey!” Percy said.
“You did, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Oh my gods,” Silena said, standing and looking out the front window. “Poseidon and Zeus. Together.”
“Percy,” several campers said together.
“Go, Percy,” Chiron said. Percy gulped and went to the steps. He looked back at his friends, but no one seemed eager to help him. Percy walked down the stairs and out of the bus. As soon as his feet were on the ground, the engine of the bus turned and Argus didn’t wait to take off.
“Perseus,” Poseidon said, clear as day over the thunderstorm.
“Dad…”
“Perseus Jackson.”
“Lord Zeus… Uncle? Hi, how are you?”
“You told your father I was at the camp and claimed the bull as solely mine?”
“You didn’t?” Percy said. “That’s right. It must have been-”
“ENOUGH!” Poseidon demanded. Percy looked at the ground.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t- I mean… You were mad already and I-”
“So you would have preferred a war?” Zeus asked. “Because there haven’t been enough?”
“I’m sorry,” Percy said again.
“I don’t believe you are,” Zeus said.
“Uncle-”
“You will be punished in front of your uncle,” Poseidon said.
“Dad! No! You can’t-!”
“Silence!” Zeus said, a bolt of lightning emphasizing his fury. Percy looked at Poseidon, hoping his father would protect him.
“You must learn that you can’t do things like this, Perseus,” Poseidon said. “I was mere seconds away from destroying Olympus on your behalf. All for a lie ?”
“Dad-”
“I demand a turn with him over my knee,” Zeus said.
“Brother-”
“It was a personal slight against me, Poseidon,” Zeus said. “I demand recompense.”
“It was a personal slight against me as well,” Poseidon said. “My son lied to me.”
“I’ll let you guys argue over this,” Percy said. “I’ll be-”
“Together?” Poseidon offered.
“Together,” Zeus agreed.
“Huh?” Percy said. He blinked and he was no longer on the farm, but instead, in his cabin. Zeus and Poseidon sat in tandem and stared at Percy.
“Pants, Perseus,” Poseidon said.
“You spank your children with protection?” Zeus asked. “It’s no wonder why they still act like utter barbarians.”
“I resent that,” Percy said.
“You will remain silent,” Posiedon ordered. “Come here, Perseus.”
“Does it not matter that I don’t want this?”
“No,” Zeus and Poseidon said together.
“You guys suck,” Percy said.
“Excuse me?” Zeus said dangerously.
“Now, Perseus!”
Percy rushed to his father and he was pulled down between Posiedon and Zeus.
“Strip him, Brother,” Zeus ordered.
“No! Dad!” Percy begged. But the pleading fell on deaf ears as his boxers were pushed down his legs and completely off his body. Percy felt his father’s hand on one cheek and a foreign hand on the other. Percy closed his eyes and gripped the blanket on his bed in utter mortification.
“You will not lie to me,” Poseidon said.
“And you will not use my tenuous relationship with my brother against me,” Zeus said.
“We can talk about- OW!” Percy cried out as both hands came down onto his bottom at the same time. “I got it! I won’t do it- Ah! Ow! OOOOWWWW!”
“Stop kicking me, Perseus!” Posiedon said, using his leg to trap Percy’s.
“Stop spanking me!” Percy begged.
“You don’t decide when your spanking is over!” Poseidon said, rapidly spanking Percy’s behind. Percy howled and Poseidon and Zeus started swatting Percy in their own rhythm.
“Stooooop!” Percy begged. “Dad! Dad- OWWWWW! OW! AH! OWWW!”
“I will not stand for this behavior, Perseus,” Poseidon said, moving to spank down Percy’s thighs. Zeus followed suit and Percy wailed.
“You are supposed to be above such actions as the son of Poseidon,” Zeus said. “I expect more of my children and my nephew !”
“O k !” Percy cried. “Stop stop stoooooooop!”
Zeus stopped, but Poseidon kept spanking his son.
“Brother-”
“He will not control when I do or do not stop,” Poseidon said, his hand flying against Percy’s behind.
“Won’t!” Percy cried. “Sorry! SORRY! OWWW! DAD! DAAAAAAAAD!”
Poseidon stopped and patted Percy’s back.
“You should have just told me you were running from the bull,” Poseidon said. “I would have allowed him to chase you as normal with the condition he would not harm you.”
“S-sorry!” Percy said.
“The bull wouldn’t have obeyed,” Zeus said. “They were my sacred animal before yours.”
“Your sacred animal is an eagle,” Poseidon said. “As mine are horses. A bull is a minor animal to us both.”
“I still rank higher than you.”
“That doesn’t mean a bull wouldn’t obey me if you weren’t there,” Posiedon argued.
“You guys just made leather out of my butt and you’re arguing above me?” Percy said, sniffing. “This is seriously some bull-snot.”