Chapter Text
Hongjoong hadn’t realized how much he needed Seonghwa until years after he’d met him.
Not many people liked Hongjoong in school. He wasn’t particularly a people person to begin with, but the added effect of his attitude didn’t really help. That’s mostly what left him sitting by himself in class, while everyone else had picked a seating buddy near the beginning of the year. However, on that particular day, the teacher entered the room with someone else in tow. He had his head tipped down towards the ground, his black hair covering his eyes, and Hongjoong didn’t really get a good look at his face.
“Everyone, this is our new student Park Seonghwa. Please show him kindness as he settles into the class. For now Mr. Park, you may sit with Mr. Kim over there. Hongjoong, would you raise your hand please?” Hongjoong had obliged, only because he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. He could practically hear the whispers already. Seonghwa didn’t hesitate to move towards the table, and one of the kids leaned up from behind them once he took his seat.
“Sorry you have to be stuck with the biggest asshole of the school Park. Hopefully he doesn’t scare you off,” the kid snickered, but Hongjoong hadn’t even bothered sending him his normally scathing look. He had simply dipped his head closer to his paper, working on the doodle of a cat he was working on instead of actually paying attention. For a while after that he could feel Seonghwa looking at him occasionally, but he refused to look back in his direction, simply filling his paper with sketches instead of notes.
For a week, Seonghwa didn’t speak to him, which was fine. Hongjoong had long assumed that Seonghwa had heard all about how Hongjoong was and assumed he had wanted nothing to do with him. That is, until they were one day forced to have lunch in the classroom, and Seonghwa had pulled a small tupperware from his backpack. Hongjoong had stayed slumped over his sketchbook, not wanting to lose his creative flow.
Suddenly, a cookie appeared on a piece of napkin next to his hand, and when Hongjoong had looked up, Seonghwa had looked at him shyly, his cheeks slightly pink. Now that Hongjoong was taking a proper look at his face, he was without a doubt the prettiest person Hongjoong had ever seen. Even at that age, his cheekbones had been sharp, and his eyes seemed like they held galaxies in them. Then, he had opened his mouth, and it had struck Hongjoong how softly he actually spoke, “I’m sorry, but I noticed you didn’t pull out anything to eat.”
Hongjoong eyed him warily as he had broken off a piece of the cookie and observed it for several seconds. “Thank you,” Hongjoong had replied curtly, before nibbling on the piece he’d broken off. After a moment, he had felt a slightly embarrassed flush come on his cheeks. “These are, ah, really good,” he murmured, but the gentle smile that broke out over Seonghwa’s face made him realize that Seonghwa was kind of endearing.
“Thank you! I made them myself,” Seonghwa replied proudly, and Hongjoong put the rest of the cookie in his mouth swiftly. Seonghwa had giggled a little bit, leaning over slightly to look at Hongjoong’s drawing. His eyes lit up as he looked over it, and Hongjoong felt that flush on his cheeks grow. He’d complimented every little sketch, even the bad ones, insisting that they were much better than he could ever do. Hongjoong had found himself laughing at a couple of the things he said before he could really think about it.
“You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to Seonghwa. He’ll probably just end up saying something rude anyways,” one of the girls had piped up from next to them, not even bothering to hide the glare she was shooting his way. Hongjoong had raised one of his eyebrows, already gearing up to show her what being rude really meant, but Seonghwa turned to her first, his face shockingly void of emotion as he had spoken up.
“I don’t think he’s rude at all, actually. The only one being rude in this instance is you.” Seonghwa hadn’t given anything away with his tone, keeping it level and polite while he spoke, which had seemed to just make the blow land even harsher.
From that day forward, the two practically became inseparable.
For a long time Hongjoong had hidden his personal life from people. In some ways it was because it was literally no one else’s business, but a big part of it was because the couple of friends he’d made in the past had made fun of him relentlessly because of how he lived. He had a single mom who worked long shifts or sometimes even doubles at the hospital, so Hongjoong was alone a lot of the time growing up in his apartment. It had never bothered him a bit, and he loved his mother to the ends of the earth for everything she had done to make sure he had a comfortable enough life as he grew up.
The first time Seonghwa had come over wasn’t even by invitation. In fact, Hongjoong had never wanted to have Seonghwa come over at all. He’d never planned to become good enough friends with him for it to get that far, but they’d been partnered up for something in class and had exchanged addresses in case they needed to meet up after school, though both had been hesitant to let the other see where exactly they lived.
It was about a year after they’d met, and Hongjoong had just finished cleaning up the dishes from making himself dinner when there was a frantic knock on his front door. He’d scanned around the living room as he walked towards it, thinking that his mother had forgotten her keys when she’d left that morning, but when he opened the door it wasn’t his mother at all. It had been Seonghwa, soaking wet and shivering, with fresh tears running tracks down his face. In the moment, all Hongjoong could feel was panic at whatever Seonghwa had to say about his living space, but it was quickly erased when he’d seen the cut leaking blood on his lip, and the bruise swiftly forming on his cheekbone. Hongjoong hadn’t given it a second thought when he’d pulled Seonghwa inside, firmly locking the door behind him.
Hongjoong hadn’t asked any questions, simply sat Seonghwa down at their little dining room table with two measly chairs, moving to the bathroom to get their first aid kit. Before he made his way back into the space, he’d grabbed a sweater and sweatpants from his room, directing Seonghwa to the bathroom to change out of his soaking wet clothes. While he changed, Hongjoong had begun to heat up some of the leftovers from dinner, knowing that he would have eaten them in the morning but deciding that he had bigger things to worry about. When Seonghwa had come back into the room, Hongjoong set the food onto the lowest setting as he grabbed a towel from their basket, placing over Seonghwa’s hair before he opened the first aid kit.
Only after Seonghwa had been cleaned off and some food in his stomach did he finally tell Hongjoong what had happened. How sometimes his dad would drink more than he had the night before, and he’d look at Seonghwa and see the ex-wife that had left him, and he’d swing before his brain could register that it was his son. Sometimes, he’d keep swinging, only because Seonghwa looked so much like his mother that it was a painful reminder of what that same drink had driven away. How his stepmother would always stand to the side, watching with a glint in her eye, like she was happy that it was happening to him.
Hongjoong had listened, and when Seonghwa was done he’d taken the now cleared plate, washing it in the sink without saying a word. When he’d finished his short task, he’d walked back over, reaching out to the towel resting around Seonghwa’s neck. He’d grabbed the ends, running them over Seonghwa’s hair gently to get the rest of the water out, and before he knew it Seonghwa was crying again, soft little sobs that sounded more like a wounded animal than anything else. When he was done, he tossed the towel into the bathroom and guided Seonghwa to the couch, sitting them both down and putting a movie on to distract him. He hadn’t said a single word about what had happened, instead commenting on the movie, but he’d kept an arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders the entire time, and eventually Seonghwa began responding to his comments and even laughing softly at a couple of them.
When Seonghwa had started to stand, apologizing for barging in like he had, Hongjoong had grabbed the back of his shirt, his gaze suddenly fierce. Seonghwa had looked down in alarm, and Hongjoong had merely said, “You aren’t going back there tonight.”
“Won’t your parents question why a random boy is in their house when they get home?”
Hongjoong had only pursed his lips, tugging on Seonghwa’s shirt - his shirt - to make him sit back down. Reluctantly, Seonghwa did, but he was fiddling nervously with his hands. “I don’t want to intrude-”
“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong cut off sharply, “it may just be me and my mom, and it may just be this shitty apartment, and I know that doesn’t compare to a lot of the homes that kids have around here, but it’s what we’ve got. My mother won’t mind you being here, trust me. She’ll understand if I tell her, and even if you don’t want me to tell her, she’ll still understand. Her life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Hence why she had a baby with a man that walked out the second he had a chance.” Seonghwa’s eyes had grown as wide as saucers, and Hongjoong snapped his jaw shut when he realized what he’d said. He’d worked his jaw for a second before leaning back into the couch, crossing his arms defensively. “You aren’t going back there tonight. So you may as well make yourself comfortable.”
When the door to the apartment had opened a couple of hours later, the first thing Hongjoong’s mother had seen was her son passed out on the couch, his neck at an uncomfortable angle with his arms still crossed and his legs up on the coffee table, and in his lap was the head of a boy she’d never seen before, also sound asleep under their couch blanket. She hadn’t said anything, simply grabbed a spare blanket from her bedroom and draped it over her son’s legs. As she did, she’d noticed the bruises on the new boy’s face, and she’d gained all of the knowledge she needed. After a month, a new chair appeared at the dining table, and that second blanket made a permanent home on the couch.
After that, Seonghwa spent more time at Hongjoong’s house than his own, especially when they transitioned into high school. Once his mother had been officially introduced to Seonghwa, she’d absolutely adored him, insisting that if he was comfortable with it, he could call her Eomma as well. Hongjoong would never forget the tears in Seonghwa’s eyes when she’d said it, and it had still taken him months afterwards to start actually doing it. Hongjoong had never told her, but the fact that she’d taken Seonghwa in so readily was just another reason for him to love her to the ends of the earth. She would never tell her son, but she’d been overjoyed at the knowledge that Hongjoong had found someone to keep by his side after so many years of having to be alone.
They spent most of high school together constantly. That’s where they met the two idiots they’d decided to adopt: Yunho and Mingi, or as they so lovingly called them, the twin pillars. Hongjoong had been damn near enraged the first time he’d met them, mostly because it wasn’t fair that even though he was older than the both of them, they still kind of towered over him. Seonghwa had taken a certain fondness to them, and at the end of the day Hongjoong could never really hold out against Seonghwa’s kind heart. It’s what made them work so well together.
Hongjoong attributed a lot of him surviving through high school to his best friend. He would literally rather die than tell Seonghwa that, but he still knew it just as well as he knew his name. And even though he was never good at expressing how he felt through his words, he still showed it in the ways he could. When Seonghwa was outed their junior year, Hongjoong pretty much scared off anyone who even dared to breathe wrong near him. Seonghwa had to stop him from hunting down whoever had done it and rearrange their teeth. For his birthday, he’d gotten him his first Switch, along with Animal Crossing, just because Hongjoong knew that he’d been wanting it so badly even though he’d never ask for it out loud. He couldn’t escape the other boy playing it every second of the day for at least a month afterwards, but it was worth it. When Seonghwa would have problems at home, the ones he never really liked to talk about after the first time, he’d never hesitate in letting him come over. On the nights that were bad enough for Seonghwa to be in tears, he simply scooted over and patted the bed.
When Seonghwa said he wanted to go to the largest university in Seoul, pretty much as far away from his family that he could get, Hongjoong didn’t hesitate in applying as well, even though it wasn’t the art college he’d been looking into. No, he never used words, but he showed it in every other way he knew how, and thankfully Seonghwa always understood.
It surprised him when Yunho and Mingi also applied to the college, but they literally hadn’t shut up about the dream of them all going to the same place. One night, Seonghwa did drag a begrudging admission from Hongjoong that he wouldn’t entirely hate the idea. So they had all piled in Hongjoong’s bedroom floor, his mother peering in from the doorway, and they all opened their letters together. That was the first time Hongjoong had seen Seonghwa cry from anything other than sadness, and it was the first time Hongjoong had ever pulled Seonghwa into a hug tight enough to make the air leave both of their bodies. It lasted all of five seconds before Yunho and Mingi were throwing themselves onto them, and Hongjoong had grown violent at all of the physical touch.
All of that led them to where they were right now, with Hongjoong dropping the last of the boxes into the middle of the floor with a loud groan. Seonghwa chuckled from across the room, working on hanging some fairy lights over his tiny bed. Hongjoong shot him a look, shoving his freshly dyed hair from his eyes just so that Seonghwa could see the glare better. The blue had been Seonghwa’s idea, and he had no idea why he’d even agreed, but it had made the other so damn excited he couldn’t even pretend to brood over it. Especially when he’d been so overjoyed by his own hair; a light pink that complimented his personality entirely too well.
Seonghwa tacked the last part of the lights to the wall and stood back on the bed, trying to decide if he liked how he hung them while Hongjoong ripped open one of his boxes. “Do you think these will mess with your lighting at all?” Seonghwa asked quietly, glancing over at Hongjoong as he surveyed the room from his slightly higher perch. Hongjoong let his eyes travel up from the absolute mess of a box containing his art supplies as he, too, looked around. Though the bedroom itself was on the small side, they did have the living room/kitchen area to try and turn into something feasible. Hongjoong let his gaze travel that direction as he thought, and he felt like if they planned the space out right his painting corner could work out there. With a small smile he looked back to Seonghwa, shaking his head.
“Of course not. Decorate how you want, Hwa, we can work around it.” Seonghwa’s shy smile grew into something bordering magnificent as he climbed down from his bed, already digging through more of his boxes to find the rest of his decorations. Honestly, it wasn’t fair at all how Seonghwa had grown into his looks so well, staying one of the prettiest people Hongjoong had ever seen. He’d been attractive when they were kids, yes, at least as good looking as any middle schooler could, but as they went through their high school years it was like every part of Seonghwa’s face sharpened into something almost ethereal. Hongjoong sometimes thought if he stared at him long enough, he’d see that angel of a personality reflect onto his skin as well; like he was glowing.
Seonghwa looked up at him, a twinkle in his eye, and at first Hongjoong thought he was about to tease him about his staring when his hands slowly came out of the box, holding an entire stack of unbuilt legos. Seriously, it seemed like that was all the box was with the seven boxes piled in Seonghwa’s arms as he set them on the bed, and Hongjoong only slightly groaned at the sight of them. Yes, he’d bought at least half of them, but that didn’t mean he was entirely excited by the idea of his best friend being up until five in the morning so he could finish his newest Star Wars build. Then again, it’s not like he slept much anyways.
“Are you going to build one tonight?” Hongjoong finally asked, and Seonghwa let out a long sigh as he broke down the box that the legos had come out of.
“I’m not sure. I know we have a couple of days before classes actually start, but with all of this free time I just…I don’t know what I’m going to do with all of it.” Hongjoong felt his heart pull a little bit at the almost sad note to Seonghwa’s voice. Hongjoong knew he never got the freedom when he was at home; in fact, the only time Seonghwa ever got time to himself was when he was at Hongjoong’s. With that thought, a playful grin set onto Hongjoong’s lips as he stood up suddenly, startling Seonghwa from his position on the floor.
“I know what will cheer you up,” Hongjoong sing-songed as he grabbed the obscenely large box from the living room, carrying it gently into the bedroom. Seonghwa tilted his head in confusion at the load, but Hongjoong didn’t keep him waiting as he tore the box open. He lifted the surprise slowly, and the delighted gasp that Seonghwa let out made it entirely worth it.
“You brought it! Does that mean…?” Seonghwa sounded so damn hopeful as Hongjoong set the shelf aside, and he reached into the box again, bringing out each of Seonghwa’s previously assembled legos one by one to lay on the floor, secured in bubble wrap so they wouldn’t break apart. Hongjoong had spent an embarrassing amount of time wrapping each one to make sure nothing happened to them, but the history of the shelf meant way too much to stay at home.
A couple of years ago, Hongjoong had gotten Seonghwa a shelf for Christmas. Seonghwa had been completely perplexed, until Hongjoong wordlessly led him into his bedroom and pointed at a blank space that he’d made on his bedroom wall. “We’re going to hang it there,” Hongjoong had said, before slipping a wrapped present from under his bed. Seonghwa had tears in his eyes as he looked at the shelf in his hands, then back up at the wall. “You can keep them there, when you build them. That way nothing happens to them. I’ll keep them safe for you, scouts honor.” And since Hongjoong had playfully saluted, giving Seonghwa an entirely overexaggerated bow afterwards as he presented him with his second present, the tears left Seonghwa’s eyes entirely as he died laughing.
Seonghwa had that same misty look in his eyes now as he picked the shelf up, dusting off the top with so much care it pulled at Hongjoong’s heart a little bit. He watched Seonghwa’s eyes travel over every inch of the walls, trying to decide where best to put it, before he finally walked over to his desk. Hongjoong watched with something probably akin to fondness as Seonghwa set the shelf on the desk before looking around slowly, looking for their hammer that Hongjoong had tossed somewhere.
“It’s in the living room, next to the easel,” Hongjoong supplied, and Seonghwa gave him a gentle smile as he moved out of the bedroom. Hongjoong’s eyes tracked him through the whole journey, even back into the room, before he finally turned away to get back to sorting through his art supplies. His heart felt lighter, somehow, now that Seonghwa’s shelf was here, ready to hold the thing that made him the happiest.
They spent almost the entire afternoon setting up the shared space. Mostly, it was Seonghwa standing and pointing, telling Hongjoong where things needed to go to fit his “vision.” The living room took significantly less time, especially since Hongjoong’s mother had bought them not only a television, but a couple of those oversized bean bag chairs to set in front of it. She’d wanted to buy them a whole couch, but Hongjoong practically fought her in the middle of the store because of it. He told her at least four times that they didn’t need a couch for just the two of them, and Seonghwa had been the one to suggest the bean bag chairs - always the mediator between the two’s loving bickering. His mom had patted Seonghwa’s cheek softly, making him flush a bright red, before relenting to the chairs (one white and one black, for Seonghwa and Hongjoong respectively.) It left enough space in the living room for Hongjoong to have his art corner, complete with a shelf to hold all of his supplies, a giant easel, and the corner for all of his extra canvases. Even that was left to Seonghwa’s decorative taste, and he threatened Hongjoong with a paintbrush - a paintbrush - that if he let it get messy he’d stab him.
Honestly, the television had been more for Seonghwa’s benefit than anything, since they immediately hooked his switch up to it, not even bothering with anything else. The rest of the decorations Seonghwa had picked out, and Hongjoong could still hear his excited giggling from the aisles of the store haunting him as he got to finally set them all up. There was a perfect little coat closet right next to the door that Seonghwa could store his mountain of cleaning supplies, too, which was a relief to Hongjoong since he had no clue where Seonghwa had planned to store it previously.
The bedroom was where their personalities really came through. Seonghwa’s side looked like something out of a catalog; all soft white and grays, with polaroids over the bed in chronological order of their years together, his fairy lights twinkling like the stars. He had a couple of shelves that he put on either side of his desk to hold all of his knicknacks, of which he took special care to set up. He had a couple of paintings Hongjoong had made him, both of his favorite flower, hanging, but other than that the only wall hangings were his shelf with his couple of assembled legos. He did have a cute little gray rug next to his bed that Hongjoong’s mom had also bought, and a little plant on his nightstand.
Hongjoong’s side was all blacks and reds, with posters covering most of the wall. The corner that his bed occupied did get to be the spot where all of his pictures were; a ton of him and Seonghwa, but also of their little group of four, all put together in a little collage that he probably spent way too much time trying to lay out. Even with his art corner in the living room, his desk still held a bunch of sketching supplies and folded clothes that he wanted to put designs on once he had a chance, because it really wasn’t Hongjoong’s wardrobe if it didn’t have a little sketch or design on it somewhere at this point. The desk also held his laptop - or his baby, as Seonghwa called it - which housed all of the random tracks that Hongjoong composed, to the point where he had to attach an external hard drive to the top. Seonghwa had painted a smiley face on it last year, which had almost sent Hongjoong into cardiac arrest.
They were both finishing hanging their clothes when there was a loud and rather incessant knock on the door. Hongjoong let out a quiet groan, banging his head lightly on the edge of the closet as Seonghwa chuckled. He heard Seonghwa move through the living room before opening the door, and was instantly hit with the sound of Yunho and Mingi both laughing as they walked in.
“This looks so cool! Our dorm looks terrible compared to this,” Hongjoong heard Mingi pout, before there was an audible sound of someone slapping Mingi somewhere. Yunho, presumably.
“Don’t diss our place. We spent hours trying to set it up,” Yunho chided, and Hongjoong felt a small smile settle on his lips as he stepped away from his clothes to move into the rest of the group.
“Compared to this? Our dorm looks like shit man,” Mingi said, his eyes sparkling as he took everything in. They snagged on one of Hongjoong’s paintings hanging in the living room - Hongjoong hated it, Seonghwa insisted - and he walked over to look at it closer. Hongjoong could already feel the heat traveling to his face as he went to go back into the bedroom. Before he even crossed the threshold, Mingi let out an appreciative sigh. “I would love one of these for our dorm. Then, when we have people over, we can tell them our super cool friend made it just for us.”
“Who the hell are we going to have over besides these two?” Yunho laughed as he threw himself down on one of the bean bags, groaning like he was fifty years older than he was. Seonghwa rolled his eyes as he sat in the other chair, but he did cast a long look to Hongjoong, who gave him an almost imperceptible nod in return. He was okay with the praise, at least today.
“So listen,” Mingi started, using the voice Hongjoong knew all too well meant that he wanted something, “there’s a party tonight. You remember San, the guy we met when we came to tour?” Hongjoong huffed while Seonghwa nodded in response. “Well, it’s his party, and he invited us. We wanted you guys to come too, as a way to make some new friends.”
To anyone else, the look that Seonghwa and Hongjoong shared would look entirely normal. It wasn’t. In the second that they made eye contact, it was like an entire conversation played out at light speed. Would Seonghwa be able to handle a setting like that? Yes, maybe. They could stay at the dorm if they needed to, it’s no big deal. Maybe, but Seonghwa couldn’t stay scared forever. The fear is okay, they didn’t have to do this.
“We’ll go, we just may not drink,” Seonghwa said, a polite smile gracing his features. He directed his statement to Yunho, who let out a loud whoop as he started clapping his hands together in excitement. Everyone missed the way Hongjoong narrowed his eyes slightly at how Seonghwa had ended that little exchange before it needed to be over. However, when Mingi threw his arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders and steered him towards the bedroom, he decided to let it go for the time being. They could fight about it later if they needed to.
Mingi practically begged Hongjoong to let him borrow at least a painted jacket, even though Hongjoong fought him tooth and nail. Finally, since they’d been arguing for at least ten minutes about it with more obscenities shouted back and forth than either of them should know, he finally reached into his closet and threw his biggest one at the younger. Mingi had a delighted smile on his face as he slipped it on, moving out of the room to show Yunho the prize he’d won, while Seonghwa stared into his own closet with a faraway expression on his face. Hongjoong walked over, stopping just behind Seonghwa so he could have his space.
“We don’t have to do this Hwa,” Hongjoong said, quiet enough for the other boys not to hear. Seonghwa tilted his head towards Hongjoong in acknowledgement, letting out a long sigh as he reached for a beautiful white top, the long sleeves sheer and slightly glittery. After a moment, Hongjoong moved to stand next to him, reaching out and grabbing a pair of black ripped jeans to lay out next to the top. Seonghwa sent him a small smile as he smoothed the pants out on the bed.
“I know,” Seonghwa finally replied, digging out a pair of converse from the bottom of the closet. Hongjoong grabbed them out of his hand and put them back, grabbing combat boots instead and handing them over. Seonghwa didn’t even blink as he set them next to the outfit. “I know we don’t. But I can’t be scared forever Joong. Plus…I’ll have you there. I’ll be okay.” He said the last part shyly, and Hongjoong grinned slightly, ruffling Seonghwa’s mess of pink hair.
“You’re right. And we’ll leave if it gets to be too much yeah?” Seonghwa gave him a grateful smile as he moved back to his side of the room, barely putting any thought into what he wanted to wear. An old pair of black ripped jeans and a plain white t-shirt were soon on his body, since the whole point of the outfit was to show off the black denim jacket he’d painted, the flower on the back a mix of yellows and pinks. Seonghwa fixed his hair for him absently, murmuring about his lego plans going out the window in such a defeated manner that Hongjoong was doubled over with laughter by the time the two finally walked back out into the living room.
Mingi let out a low whistle, Yunho looking back and forth between the two quickly. “Somehow, the looks are so you that I’m almost surprised,” Yunho finally said, Mingi nodding solemnly. Seonghwa blushed lightly, tucking the longer strands of hair behind his ear as Hongjoong rolled his eyes. He spotted one of the last boxes sitting on the kitchen counter and walked over, tearing the tape off to get access to his jewelry box. He only had one pair of earrings in right now, so he spent a little bit of time putting the rest in, having to ask for Seonghwa’s assistance with his cartilage. Yunho and Mingi were yelling about who would be able to get more plastered as new college kids, and somehow Hongjoong knew he was going to hate tonight.