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There are very few moments in Tsukishima’s life that stand out in real time as something he’ll remember for the rest of his life. Moments that instantly engrave themselves into his brain, to be reminisced about for the next 50 years.
Some moments were happy, like receiving his diploma next to his best friend(friend s, Hinata would stress). Getting the highly sought after internship for the Sendai Museum of History. Meeting his niece for the first time.
There were bad ones too, the first sting of betrayal standing in the bleachers, realizing his brother had been lying to him at the young age of 12. His first crush loudly slinging homophobic slurs about someone else in the class, unaware of high school Tsukki’s stomach curdling behind him.
All in all, the good far outweighed the bad. He was lucky.
But this moment? His pulse pounding in his ears, his skin covered in goosebumps? Well, it was yet to be determined if it would be good or bad.
It might earn the spot of ‘most bizarre thing to ever happen to Tsukishima ever in his life,’ or so he would hope.
What moment is currently searing its spot next to the foundational building blocks of his life? A moment that would forever stand with all of his cherished childhood memories?
Oh, nothing much. Just Japan’s biggest gay male porn star linking Tsukki’s very humble—and positively modest compared to what Kuroo posted—Onlyfans account. On his public social media which had over a million followers.
Now, don’t get Tsukishima wrong. His Onlyfans account was doing okay by Tsukishima’s standards. He averaged just under 1,000 followers, but he never expected to have that many with his content anyways. He had started it on a whim. Scholarships covered his schooling and his dorms, but the rigid rules of them left him no time to hold a steady job and also maintain his grades.
Yamaguchi, the childhood best friend from earlier, was the one to suggest it. After arguing that he wasn’t going to show his dick online for strangers, Yamaguchi showed Tsukishima some of the men he had followed. A sight he wanted to forget, he was happy to never think about his friend’s type ever again, but he had to admit that maybe he had a point. It was risqué, but not all of them showed everything off.
Despite his lack of romantic partners, Tsukishima knew he was attractive. He saw how men would sometimes double take at his legs, and he knew that it wasn’t always shock at his height. What’s the worst that could happen, Yamaguchi had argued.
He was right. Besides a bruised pride if he failed at getting followers, if Tsukishima was vague enough no one could connect the pictures to him. So, he set up an account and started posting pictures of his body, slivers of his skin showing at first. Pictures of his legs, long and bare. His shirt unbuttoned and untucked, showing off a hint of his chest and his hips.
To his surprise, the followers came in quickly. One of his first followers, NekoNekoCapt, suggested a wishlist and bought him his first semi-risqué items. Thigh high socks with bows at the top. It quickly progressed to lingerie, skirts, anything that could show off just enough to leave his followers wanting more—but never crossing that line.
Still, how could someone who regularly had his fair share of skilled and willing men to fuck him be a fan of Tsukishima’s Onlyfans? He scrolled back up to see what had brought this conversation up. What could possibly lead to Kuroo freaking Tetsurou linking his account?
It looks like it was an ask. The pornstar had an anonymous messaging app that his management would filter out the probably thousands of disgusting messages and let the actual questions through to him. Someone had asked him if he had any dream collaborations and he had answered vaguely at first about a semi-nude Onlyfans account that he had followed for a while now, of the prettiest boy he had seen. There were replies asking for the link, and after refusing to link it, Kuroo caved.
It was Tsukishima’s account. Tsukishima was the semi-nude, prettiest boy Kuroo has ever seen. He was going to be sick. He was going to be jerking off thinking about this for the rest of his life. Holy shit.
A quick click to his emails confirmed his next thought. His follower count was jumping. Astronomically. Shit. Oh shit. He grabbed his phone, mild panic setting in.
‘This better be an emergency,’ Yamaguchi answers after the fifth call, yawning. ‘I was sleep—‘
‘Kuroo Tetsurou linked my Onlyfans on his Twitter and I now have, wait let me check. I now have 105 thousand followers. Oh my god, Yamaguchi, I have 105 thousand followers.’
‘I’m awake. What the fuck? Congrats!’
‘Congrats?’ He asks, offended. ‘Congrats? What the fuck do I do? How the fuck do I manage 105 thousand people? I don’t even post fucking nudes, Tadashi, they’re going to eat me alive. What if they fucking dox me or something because I don’t post nudes?’ He’s beginning to spiral.
‘Okay alright, take a deep breath Tsukki. Hey, you have to click that they agree to your terms and conditions that clearly state no nudes right? I’m looking at his twitter right now, he’s telling them all to be respectful and kind. If they’re not, then well, you take the giant paycheck of them following you and you shut it down.’
‘You think people on the internet will listen to him?’ Tsukishima lets out a dry laugh. ‘Fuck. I don’t know if I should panic or if I should be flattered. Tell me how to feel.’ His initial freak out is slowly fading away as he talks to Yamaguchi.
‘If I were you, I’d feel incredibly flattered that Kuroo Tetsurou of all people thinks you’re attractive. He’s not even my type and I want him to fuck me. Then you’re going to post another disclaimer on your page to welcome the new people in, and then you’re going to bed. You have class in the morning.’
Tsukishima agrees, and after a few more minutes of chatting he lets his friend go back to sleep. He glances down at himself. He isn’t wearing anything fancy, just an oversized t-shirt that on his long body, barely skims the bottom of his boxers. He takes a quick snap and writes out a post to go along with it.
Hello and welcome to anyone who’s coming here from the great Kuroo Tetsurou’s post. It’s an honor to think of him even looking at my posts, believe me. I appreciate all of your kindness and understanding as I navigate having a few more followers than before. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m changing my content. Anyone who has an issue with me not showing my face or my dick, sorry not sorry, you can unsubscribe. I don’t accept dms or requests for private posts. I have a wishlist but it’s all for public posts. It’s late and I have things to do, but please look forward to my next batch of pictures on Friday.
He closes his laptop with a click and climbs into bed. This will be a problem for the Tsukishima of tomorrow.
*
The Tsukishima of tomorrow makes it through his classes and back to his studio apartment before he feels brave enough to check his accounts. All of his personal social media accounts are still blessedly bare. He only has one notification from Hinata tagging him in some meme post, but nothing shows any sign of someone hacking his Onlyfans to link it back to him.
He has to take a deep breath and count to ten before he checks his Onlyfans. His profile there is simply and unoriginally named Moon. It only takes a quick glance to tell his follower count had continued to grow, but it appears to have peaked at 203 thousand. A number that blows his mind, but still. His post from the night before has hundreds of comments on it and he scrolls through them briefly before he gets overwhelmed. They seem to all be positive and welcoming, but he doesn’t need to see something negative right now. Not when he’s still trying to digest the follower count.
He clicks into his dms. There’s only a handful of people he’s given permission to DM him on this site, and they’re all people who followed him in the first few months of starting his page. He doesn’t know any of them personally but the first few messages are all shocked words of congratulations. He clicks into a message from NekoNekoCapt last. He wouldn’t say that that user was his favorite follower, but if he had to pick one, it would be him. They didn’t chat much but their conversations were always helpful.
NekoNekoCapt 01:05 am :
Holy shit moon I’m so dumb. I should’ve known to not link your acct, holy shit you must be so mad at me. I can take it down if you want. I figured only a handful of people would come over here aaaaaahhhh.
NekoNekoCapt 02:34 am:
You’re probably asleep rn but I’m serious one word and I’ll delete my tweet and idk how to fix it but I’ll figure something out.
Tsukishima could only blink at his screen.
Moon 04:18 pm:
You’re full of shit. Your tweet???
There’s no way that this entire time he had been talking to Kuroo freaking Tetsurou. There’s no way Kuroo freaking Tetsurou had helped him set up his wishlist and not only gifted him his first item off of there, but multiple since then. The ding of a real time message brings him back to the screen.
NekoNekoCapt 04:22 pm:
Ok I am realizing now I look crazy because I’ve never told you my real name on here but listen, don’t block me I swear I’m not joking. This is like my private acct on here so I can follow people and not have the world know.
(Image attached)
Tsukishima isn’t a technology wizard, but he wasn’t born yesterday. The picture is clearly a selfie taken by Kuroo. Whatever game NekoNeko was playing was smart. He had found one that didn’t pull up on reverse google image search, and one that showed Kuroo’s newest tattoo peeking out of his neckline. (Did Tsukishima mention that he was a fanatic follower of Kuroo, Japan's most famous gay pornstar? Because he was. He knew all of the man’s piercings and tattoos, and had watched all of his videos.)
Moon 04:37 pm:
Wow you sent a picture of him, you must be the real deal. (I’m rolling my eyes rn). I don’t know what your aim is here??
NekoNekoCapt 04:41 pm:
Ok yeah maybe not the best idea I’ve had but excuse me for panicking! I can prove it tho, tell me anything you want me to say and I’ll record myself saying it and post it on my official acct like right now. Same outfit in the picture and all.
Tsukishima chewed on his bottom lip. He shouldn’t believe him. What would he even ask him to say? He started typing only to erase it at least three times before he pressed send.
Moon 04:53 pm:
Fine, I’ll bite. Post a video of you saying you’re cheering for EJP to win their match against the Black Jackals.
Kuroo was a notorious fan of the Black Jackals. It’s something the real Kuroo Tetsurou would never say, not when one of his best friends played for the team.
NekoNekoCapt 04:57 pm:
Yikes Bo is going to kill me. Give me like five mins, it’ll be up.
Tsukishima picked up his phone, pulling up the twitter account that had started this mess, and refreshed it until approximately five minutes later, a new tweet went up. His stomach sank as he clicked the video. It was Kuroo in the flesh, in the same outfit as the picture, talking about how he was rooting for EJP to take the next match against the Jackals.
He watched it twice to be sure he didn’t hallucinate. He watched it a third time because even as he was once again feeling sick, he was only human. Kuroo’s voice was rough with sleep, it was clear that he hadn’t started his day yet. His hair was messier than normal, he was constantly tugging his lip piercing in between his teeth. Goddamnit why did he have to be so attractive.
Moon 05:11 pm:
What the fuck. What the fuck.
NekoNekoCapt 05:14 pm:
T.T I knowwww I’m sorry. For not telling you and also for blowing you up, jesus you must be so overwhelmed.
Moon 05:15 pm:
I don’t know what you mean, I deal with a 200 thousand plus follower count increase every day. I read every single comment on my newest post the second they came in.
NekoNekoCapt 05:16 pm:
I can feel the sarcasm thru the screen. Let me pay for my management team to help you please. They can filter your comments for you and they can make sure you’re like secure.
Moon 05:19 pm:
Yeah let me just give you my username and password. Want my bank acct while we’re at it? I don’t care if you’re really Kuroo or not, I’m not doing that.
NekoNekoCapt 05:22 pm:
T.T you wound me really moon. What’s like a big city you can get to? I don’t want to ask where you’re from but like we can meet in person, me you and my manager. We’ll meet you where ever you want, whenever works for you. I have a shoot Friday but otherwise I’ll clear up my schedule for you.
Tsukishima flounders on what to say, so he does the next best thing. He closes out of the screen and calls Yamaguchi.
‘Tsukki!’ He answers, cheerful as always. ‘What’s up?’
‘I’m chatting with someone I’m fairly certain is Kuroo Tetsurou or maybe he’s a stalker who’s holding Kuroo hostage and forcing him to record a video saying what I told him to say and post it on his Twitter account, and I can’t decide if I should meet up with them in person or not.’
The line is dead silent.
‘Hello? Don’t make me repeat myself.’
‘Jesus Christ, your life is absurd. Okay, why do you think he’s maybe a stalker?’ Yamaguchi sighs on the phone.
‘I’ve watched those stranger danger PSAs, Tadashi. What if I go to meet him and they kidnap me?’
‘Where are they trying to meet you? Wait, why is he trying to meet you?’ His voice goes accusatory before he gasps. ‘Oh my god, are you going to collaborate with him? Holy shit go and meet them, even if you get kidnapped after it would be worth it.’
‘Shut up, Tadashi,’ he hisses, his face burning even though no one can see him. ‘That’s not what it is. He wants to have his management help me out since he flooded my account with his fanbase. He told me I could choose whatever major city I wanted and they’d make it work.’
‘Okay. So like why don’t you just have them come to Sendai? Then you can bring me with you and I can watch from the distance.’
Tsukishima groans, spinning in his computer chair. ‘Why would I bring them to the same city I go to school in? And work in? I need to throw them off my scent in case they’re kidnappers.’
‘Yeah, that’s why it’s smart to bring them here! They’ll think you brought them way outta the way and surprise, it’s your home field advantage.’
‘You really think I should meet them?’
‘Duh. Even if you don’t hire his management, take the chance to meet him and the chance to let me meet him.’
Another groan slips out as Yamaguchi laughs on the phone. ‘What are you doing Saturday?’
**
Kuroo had agreed to the proposed time and place, and Saturday afternoon found Tsukishima walking into a mall on the outskirts of Sendai. It wasn’t the city's most popular one or the least popular one. Yamaguchi was waiting outside the door with ridiculous sunglasses on, ready to walk in an unsuspicious 13 minutes after Tsukishima and find a seat within hearing distance of Tsukishima and what he assumed would be Kuroo.
Kuroo was going to get there first since he didn’t know what Tsukishima looked like and Tsukishima wasn’t sending a picture of his face online. He walked into the food court and tried to look around without making it obvious that he was looking, when he saw them sitting on the other side.
Kuroo Tetsurou in the flesh, next to a man who could only be his manager. He was a bit smaller, glasses and a serious demeanor as he flipped through a notebook next to Kuroo. Kuroo was tapping his fingers on the table, trying to not fidget.
Well. It’s now or never.
Tsukishima refused to give them any information about himself other than his hair color and that he wore glasses, wanting a clean getaway in case Kuroo was secretly a 90 year old man. So when he plops down into the seat across from them, he’s not surprised when there’s no recognition behind their eyes. Kuroo looks a bit dumbfounded, but Tsukishima chooses to not focus on his looks lest he end up distracted again.
‘Well?’ He prompts, raising his eyebrow.
‘Er..Moon?’ Kuroo asks.
Tsukishima lets out a sound of indignation, frowning. ‘Don’t call me that! Are you mad?’
‘You didn’t exactly give us much to work with including what you would like for us to call you,’ the unnamed manager quips back. Tsukishima’s frown only deepens at his tone. He’s not the one who asked for the meeting, he wants to remind them.
‘What Akaashi means is hi. Hello. I’m Kuroo, this is Akaashi. What uh..’ Kuroo gestures with the hand he had held out for Tsukishima to shake. ‘What would you like for us to call you? If you’re not cool with us knowing your real name yet.’
Tsukishima blanks. He hadn’t thought that far in advance. Eventually, he settles on nothing. ‘We can get to that later. You wanted to meet in person, yes? Congrats, I believe you’re really you now. Now convince me that you’re not trying to somehow steal my account from me.’
‘What would we want with a—‘
Kuroo elbows his manager, cutting off his next remark. ‘Look.’ He pulls out a folder from next to him. Tsukishima takes it, flipping through the pages. ‘We drew up a contract. It’s fairly simple, you know. It’s just to ensure that we don’t steal your account or do any funny business. It’s simply account management for harassment and the likes.’
Tsukishima does not know. He signed a contract when he signed up for the internship but he hadn’t really read it. Glancing back up at them, he shuts the papers. ‘And you get exactly what in return?’
‘Hm?’
‘I know that contracts are a two way street. You get what from me when I sign this?’
‘Ah, here, let me flip to it.’ Kuroo leans over to flip to the second to last page. ‘It’s a NDA for both of us. I don’t reveal who you are and you don’t reveal my secret account.’
He reads it briefly. It looks like that’s really all it says in there. His attention is caught briefly on a clause about them seeing his ID.
‘What’s this? Why do you need my ID?’
‘To ensure you’re of age. No offense, but you look fairly young.’ Akaashi speaks this time, the earlier annoyance fading. ‘We don’t expect you to sign it today, but the quicker the better. With large growth like this it’s better to get in front of it.’
‘And you’ll be charging me how much for this exactly?’
‘Nothing. I told you already I’d cover it for you.’ Kuroo smiles. Tsukishima can feel himself caving already, cursing his stupid hormones.
‘I don’t want to be indebted to you anymore than I already am with the increase in followers,’ he frowns. ‘I can cover it.’
‘Again, I mean no offense, but I don’t think you can. At least not my services. I would cut you a deal because pain in the ass Kuroo-san put you in a bad spot, but I can’t take any less than this for a year’s worth.’ He scribbles a number down on the pad, sliding it across the table to Tsukishima. If Tsukishima had stopped for a drink like he was planning to, he would’ve spit it across the table at him. That was more than an entire semester at his school cost.
‘Okay. Yeah no, I cannot afford that.’ He slides the notebook back across the table with the tip of his finger.
Kuroo grimaces, nodding in understanding. ‘You’re in college right? You post about having classes sometimes. Are you graduating soon?’
‘Next spring. This entire endeavor was just to get me through until I graduated with a real job. You wouldn’t have to pay for this after next fall at the latest.’
‘I would pay for it til I went bankrupt if that’s what you wanted,’ Kuroo shrugs. Akaashi sighs next to him.
‘That’s not necessary,’ Tsukishima sputters. It’s quiet for a moment as Tsukishima looks at the contract with Akaashi’s management team. He’s thinking about the steadily growing number of comments and how he hasn’t been able to look at any of them for a fear of the unknown.
‘I’m sorry, I think that man over there is watching us. Does this mall have security? I should flag someone down,’ Akaashi mutters discretely to them. Tsukishima turns around, already knowing what to expect.
Yamaguchi sits behind them, three tables over and in clear sight to everyone at the table but Tsukishima. He turns back around before Akaashi can stand. ‘Please don’t call security on him. He’s my friend.’ He raises his voice loud enough that Yamaguchi can hear him. ‘My friend who is on the wrong side of the food court.’
‘What was I supposed to do! Why would you pick the side facing the wall!’ Yamaguchi throws himself into the seat next to Tsukishima, practically vibrating with excitement. ‘Oh my god, Tsukki, you’re actually talking to the Kuroo Tetsurou! I’m a huge fan. Is that weird to say?’
‘Yes,’ Tsukishima and Akaashi answer in unison.
‘No, it’s nice to meet you! I love meeting fans. So, Tsukki, why don’t you introduce us to your friend.’ He’s grinning at Tsukishima, his chin resting in his hand. He was going to kill Yamaguchi.
‘Don’t call me that either. It’s Tsukishima,’ he admits defeat. ‘This is Yamaguchi. Here, read this.’ He slaps the papers into Yamaguchi’s chest, digging in his back pocket for his ID.
‘Got it!’ Yamaguchi begins to read the papers over as Tsukishima sets his ID on the table.
‘Don’t stalk me at my home address, I will call the cops on you.’ He slides it over, watching the two of them look it over.
‘Cute,’ Kuroo coos. ‘You know if you showed your face you could make big bucks with that pout you do.’
‘Never happening.’
‘Right, right of course.’
Once Yamaguchi has given it his approval, Tsukishima signs the contract. Then it’s just a matter of exchanging contact information with Akaashi, which turns into Tsukishima leaving with Kuroo’s number as well, which turns into Yamaguchi leaving with both of their numbers as well. Akaashi sends the request to manage the account officially, and Tsukishima accepts it from his phone.
‘Give me until Monday to have the comment section under control before you look at it,’ Akaashi asks, scrolling through the page already.
‘Damn, Tsukki. That many comments already?’ Yamaguchi teases.
Kuroo laughs as Tsukishima scowls at his friend. ‘His husband has a game this weekend or he would have it done by tomorrow. A game in which I loudly declared my support for the other team.’
‘Yes, and that is why you’re not invited to Bokuto-san’s house this weekend.’ Tsukishima has to admire the way Akaashi doesn’t even have to look up from his phone to reply to Kuroo.
‘Stop calling him Bokuto-san, you’re married.’
‘Would you prefer I refer to him as my darling honeybear?’
‘Wait, you’re married to Bokuto like from the Black Jackals?’ Yamaguchi asks.
‘Yes.’
‘They’re high school sweethearts. Are the two of you into volleyball?’ Kuroo asks Yamaguchi but his eyes keep drifting back to Tsukishima. Yamaguchi clearly notices this, but thankfully doesn’t point it out.
‘Yeah, we both played in high school. Tsukki was a middle blocker for the university until he signed up for the internship.’
‘Shut up, Yamaguchi.’
‘Hey! I was a middle blocker too, back in the day.’
‘Don’t make yourself sound too old, Kuroo-san. You’re only a few years older than me.’
Kuroo’s mouth snaps shut at Tsukishima saying his name out loud for the first time. Tsukishima notices, and his brain flashes back to what brought them here. Kuroo had said he wanted to collaborate with Tsukishima. He wondered if that meant Kuroo wanted to fuck him.
He forced the thought from his head, clearing his throat. ‘We should leave. Thank you for your help Akaashi-san. And you as well, Kuroo-san.’
They leave, leaving a speechless Kuroo behind.
**
The thought of Kuroo’s possible interest plagues him. Every time NekoNekoCapt likes his posts, or shoots him a silly meme in his dms, he thinks of Kuroo’s films. He thinks of Kuroo dismantling whoever he fucks piece by piece, wondering if he wants to do the same thing to him.
He’s scrolling through some of his comments, sending a silent thanks to Akaashi for monitoring them. His newest post was a hit. He had posed in a school girl’s outfit, the skirt showing off his pale thighs, cutting off just as the skin started to curve. He pauses, smiling to himself when he sees a comment from NekoNekoCapt.
It reads ‘mouthwatering. Would love to leave a mark on that perfect skin.’ He laughs to himself thinking of Akaashi reading it and knowing who wrote it, but his laugh cuts off when it hits him.
Kuroo Tetsurou wants him. He can’t deny it. His comments before Tsukishima knew who he was were of the same vein, and he had publicly announced his desire to the world. Why didn’t Tsukishima act on it?
Later, after he had stroked himself to completion in the shower, he admits to himself the reason why. Because despite having a semi-nude Onlyfans account and a love for Kuroo’s videos, Tsukishima Kei was a virgin. He had never gotten past a failed attempt at a handjob.
He didn’t know if it was his personality or if it was his schedule, but he didn’t have any prospects to fix that problem lined up. He didn’t usually mind. Sex was probably fine, but people got on his nerves too much for him to even test it out. He would find someone someday or maybe not, who cares.
His lack of experience comes into play only a few weeks later. Classes done for the weekend, homework and all, he thinks about whether he should get a head start on his next paper or if a nap sounded better. He’s reaching for his phone to check the time when it vibrates in his hand, a message coming in.
He had been texting Kuroo the last few days. Or well, more accurately, Kuroo had been texting him and he had been replying. It was mostly memes or random thoughts about his day that didn’t really warrant a response, but Tsukishima would type something out each and every time.
Today he posed a question.
K Tetsurou: have you ever thought about taking pics with someone else? Like still not nude nude but two people idk
Tsukishima settles into his bed, pulling the covers up and around his face in his best impersonation of a burrito.
Tsukishima: not really. I’m not opposed but the only person who knows I do this is Yamaguchi and barf. We are not like that. Why?
K Tetsurou: hmmm just thinking about it.
Tsukishima: It’s Friday at like 6 pm. Random.
K Tetsurou: ok ok stop me if I’m crossing the line here but I was looking through some of your old posts and I couldn’t help but think that you’d look good with someone with you. Someone with dark hair and tattoos and dashing good looks wink wink.
Tsukishima: if you mean yourself, cross out the dashing good looks.
Tsukishima: you’re not, you know. Crossing a line.
K Tetsurou: ahskglaja rude. People tell me I’m pretty all the time.
Tsukishima: liar
K Tetsurou: Yeah, you’re right. I get handsome more. You’re pretty, you know.
Tsukishima’s skin was starting to burn, heat flowing through him even at the abysmal attempt of flirting Kuroo was doing.
Tsukishima: sure. If we collaborated, like your tweet implied, what would we do?
The next reply takes a while. Tsukishima almost gives up waiting before it buzzes in his hand once more.
K Tetsurou: anything you wanted to, honestly. It could just be suggestive pictures, I mean I’ve got nothing to hide clearly but if that’s your vibe then im down for that. I could fuck you with a camera recording, angle it so it doesn’t see your face or anything you don’t wanna show. I’ll be real, I’d do whatever you asked of me rn
Tsukishima has to hide his face in his own blankets at that comment. He’s already painfully hard in his shorts. He forces himself to reply before Kuroo thinks it was too much.
Tsukishima: that sounds like a lot of work, the camera one. Do they make ones that can do that?Like stand-alone and keep the zoom the same?
K Tetsurou: they do. Are you thinking about it?
Tsukishima: maybe.
K Tetsurou: FaceTime me, please Tsukishima.
Tsukishima bites his lip, checking his reflection before clicking the button to video chat. When it clicks on he’s greeted with the sight of Kuroo in his own bed, at least shirtless.
‘Hey,’ he says, feeling self conscious in his blanket burrito.
‘Hey yourself. You look cozy.’ Kuroo laughs as he scowls. ‘Thanks for calling.’
‘Yeah, yeah. Wanna tell me why I’m doing this?’
‘It just felt like a conversation we should have face to face. I’m still working on reading you over texts.’
‘Because you can read my face so well?’ He laughs.
‘Yeah.’ Kuroo’s answer is short and sweet, with no humor at all. ‘You might not know this but your face is so open, all the time for me.’
Tsukishima squirms in his blankets, looking away.
Kuroo chuckles, shifting in his seat. ‘See, like that. Over text you come off as disinterested, but now I can see you’re just playing hard to get, hmm? You’re flushed.’
‘It’s hot in here,’ Tsukishima counters. ‘Don’t flatter yourself.’
‘Sure, sure. So. What were your thoughts on how we could collaborate?’
It’s unfair of him to ask Tsukishima this, when he looks like that. One of Kuroo’s main appeals was his bad boy appearance, and Tsukishima could see why. Without his shirt, his tattoos were on full view. The black and white sleeve swirling up his arm and dipping across his chest. Tsukishima wanted to touch them, with his fingers or his tongue, or whatever Kuroo would allow him.
But at the same time, his attractiveness was intimidating. How was Tsukishima supposed to answer that? Obviously anyone in their right mind would jump at the chance to be fucked by him, but what virgin signs up for their first time being with a porn star? Kuroo must sense his unease because he continues talking as if there wasn’t a giant pause in the middle.
‘Well, that was presumptuous of me. First let's start with, would you even want that?’
‘Yeah, I would.’ That Tsukishima can answer. Even if it’s just pictures, he wants to do something with the older man. He needs to do something with him.
‘Okay. Alright then, how about this. I was just tested after my last shoot, and I don’t have any for a bit. When was the last time you were tested?’
‘Tested?’ Tsukishima asks.
‘Yeah, I figure we can start with pictures and then if in the moment you want to go further, we should be prepared for that. I’ve got a clean bill of health and well, forgive me but I’m a bit meticulous about ensuring my partners do too.’
‘Oh, right of course.’ Shit, Tsukishima was stupid. Of course Kuroo would want to check that. Where does he even go for something like that? His pleasant buzz of arousal was slowly turning to dread. He shouldn’t have FaceTimed Kuroo, how was he supposed to freak out on his own.
‘Okay,’ Kuroo drags his words out, narrowing his brows. ‘You have been tested right?’ At Tsukishima’s silence, he can only infer the answer. ‘Okay. That’s fine. When was your last partner? If they weren’t recent and you get tested now, you should get the results fairly quickly.’
‘Yeah, uh. That won’t be a problem. I’ll uh, I’ll go to the clinic when it reopens on Monday.’
‘Tsukishima. I can tell I’ve made you uncomfortable.’ Tsukishima groans, hiding his face further into his blanket. ‘I’m assuming too much right? You can tell me, I promise I won’t be upset.’
‘It’s not that,’ he yells from behind the blanket, hoping Kuroo can hear him. ‘It’s…’
‘Hey,’ Kuroo reassures him, his voice soothing. ‘You can tell me anything, I won’t judge you.’
Tsukishima squeezes his eyes shut and takes the dive. ‘I’ve never been tested because I’ve never had a partner, okay. I’ve never gotten past a shitty handjob from someone my freshman year.’
Kuroo is quiet for too long. Tsukishima pries his eyes open to look at his stunned face. His stomach continues to sink.
‘That’s a like, deal breaker yeah?’
Finally Kuroo snaps back to the present. ‘Hey, no. I told you there was no judgment here. I mean, I’m glad you told me. Jeeze, I would’ve scarred you for life if I would’ve just jumped right into it yeah?’ He laughs at the end but it’s breathy and his eyes are dark. If Kuroo thinks he can read Tsukishima, he should know that Tsukishima can read him just as well.
‘I’m a virgin, I’m not a prude. I’ve watched plenty of porn thanks.’
‘Hmm. What kind of porn?’ Kuroo’s tone is dropping lower and lower, sliding into a voice that Tsukishima has heard muttering far filthier things. Tsukishima can read Kuroo just fine, inexperience and all.
Kuroo wants him, that much has been clear from the beginning. But add the extra thrill of being the first one ever to have him? Oh, he had Kuroo hanging onto his every word.
‘Yours,’ he admits, biting his lip. The rush of power when Kuroo shifts, hissing and closing his eyes, has Tsukishima barreling back towards aroused.
‘Fuck,’ Kuroo groans, tilting his head back. He chuckles looking through the camera at Tsukishima. ‘You’re going to be the death of me. You’d want that still? Me fucking you, taking your virginity on camera?’
‘Please. I know you’d take care of me, right Kuroo-san?’
‘Oh baby, I would devour you. Are you hard right now?’
Tsukishima nods, moaning.
‘Fuck. Will you touch yourself for me? I’m so fucking hard I could burst,’ he laughs. ‘Baby, I want to see you cum first. Then we’ll figure the rest out.’
‘You want me to stay in my blanket cocoon?’ Tsukishima teases but he shakes himself free.
‘Whatever you want. You don’t have to show me anything, just let me watch your face.’
It should be awkward, knowing that Kuroo is staring at his face, not knowing what kind of expressions were crossing it, as he grasped himself off screen. There was something in Kuroo’s own groans that wiped away any and all anxiety though. Tsukishima can’t help but think of the hundreds of people Kuroo has seen do this exact thing and more, but yet he’s still groaning at the sight of Tsukishima’s face lax with bliss. It’s intoxicating.
He reaches his peak almost too fast, Kuroo’s name falling off of his tongue as he creeps closer and closer. A glance at the screen shows Kuroo’s intense stare, his arm moving just out of camera range, mimicking what Tsukishima’s was doing.
‘That’s it baby, cum for me.’
He does, harder than he’s ever cum before when it was just him. He strokes himself through it, his fingers getting sticky with his own release until oversensitivity kicks in. When he forces his eyes back open, he makes eye contact with Kuroo through the screen, triggering his release. Kuroo’s groan is familiar.
‘Eugh,’ Tsukishima says, holding his cum covered hand up. Kuroo laughs, showing his own.
‘We should clean up huh? Go to the clinic Monday. Once your results are in we can plan something.’
‘Fine. You have to hang up, I’m not getting cum on my phone screen.’ He leaves the room with the screen still showing Kuroo, his sputtering fading into the background. When he comes back, Kuroo’s hung up but there’s already a text from him.
K Tetsurou: that was so simple yet so hot. Looking forward to your results.
**
Tsukishima had always been an early riser. This was a bit extreme even for him though.
It was Saturday morning and the sun had just started to rise and he was already on the train, heading towards Tokyo.
Once his test results came back clear, they had hammered out the details. He wanted to do it in Tokyo, giving up the comfort of his bedroom to completely minimize the chance of his neighbors overhearing. Kuroo had bought his tickets and he had packed a small overnight bag at Kuroo’s insistence, refusing to send a freshly deflowered Tsukishima back on his way to Sendai.
It was almost hard to believe that he was heading down to Tokyo to lose his virginity to Kuroo while also filming parts of it for his Onlyfans. His phone constantly blowing up with messages from Kuroo is the only thing keeping him grounded.
The two of them have been talking an almost unhealthy amount. At least Tsukishima would consider it excessive. He normally only texts three people on a semi consistent basis and that was once or twice a week. Now he had a text thread with Kuroo that spanned the entire day.
As his train crosses into the Tokyo city limits and he starts to gather his stuff, his phone buzzes once more. It’s a selfie of Kuroo, black face mask covering his face and a baseball cap pulled low.
K Tetsurou: Im undercover dont be worried when I tap your shoulder lol
Tsukishima: too late, I’m already alerting the authorities. Give me your apartment keys first tho so I can crash there while you’re arrested.
K Tetsurou: Ugh fine deal. You gotta feed my cat tho and call my friend to bail me out.
Tsukishima: maybe I’ll be kind and text Akaashi-san about it. No promises.
He slides his phone into his pocket as the train slows. The platform is crowded but not overly so. Being tall and blonde, Kuroo spots him easily, waving at him from near the exit. Tsukishima walks with a purpose, parting the crowds with ease.
‘Good morning,’ Kuroo says. His expression is hidden behind the mask but Kuroo can see the crinkle of his eyes to recognize the grin that’s spreading all the same.
‘That’s still to be decided. Let’s head out, yeah?’
‘Eager,’ he snickers, but he links his arm through Tsukishima’s, leading him towards the exit. The contact is casual but it still causes a blush to spread across his face. ‘Did you want to stop somewhere for breakfast first?’
There’s two reasons for his decline. One, Tsukishima isn’t much of a breakfast person. He’s always been accused of eating like a bird and it’s an accusation he can’t deny. Two, while he was a virgin, like he said, he wasn’t a complete prude. He’s explored his own body, and he had a wild thought early this morning. Nestled inside of him is one of his favorite plugs. Unobtrusive enough he can feel it without it being too uncomfortable. Obtrusive enough that he doesn’t want to spend anymore time with it inside of him.
Kuroo’s eyes sparkle when Tsukishima declines. The walk to Kuroo’s apartment is quick, Kuroo’s warmth seeping into Tsukishima’s side. The apartment is nice enough. Larger than Tsukishima had imagined, but the best part of the apartment is the bedroom by far. The bed is huge, three times the size of Tsukishima’s. The sheets look soft and warm.
‘Do you want to just chill for a bit or jump straight into it?’ Kuroo asks, dropping his hat and mask on his nightstand. He had taken them off once they entered the apartment and while Tsukishima was glad to have the privacy, he was much happier now that he could see all of Kuroo’s face. There was something in the other man’s gaze that was just comforting to him. He’s sure he used the same looks while on set for his movies, but his attention was always solely on Tsukishima when they were together and it made him feel special.
‘Let’s jump right into it. Where can I change?’ He raises his bag, an outfit picked out specifically for the shoot tucked between his clothes for tomorrow and his laptop.
‘You really are eager, huh? Don’t worry, me too.’ Kuroo points him to the ensuite bathroom, laughing as Tsukishima scowls at him. He shuts the door with a pointed click and gets to work.
It’s a simple outfit he’d picked out. Kuroo had given him free range and while he had hovered over one of his more risqué sets of lingerie, he decided to do something better. A short school girl skirt and a button up, tapping into his innocent angle. He slides his very first pair of thigh high socks on, the pair that Kuroo himself had donated back when he was only NekoNekoCapt to Tsukishima. Underneath the skirt he slides on a thong, a lacy black one that Kuroo had raved over when he had bought it.
He wonders if Kuroo will recognize the socks.
Before his nerves can get the better of him, he slides his glasses off his face, not wanting them to be in the way at all, and walks back to the bedroom. Kuroo freezes when he steps out, his eyes roaming up and down Tsukishima’s body.
‘I don’t know where I want to look first,’ he admits, abandoning fiddling with the camera and stepping up to Tsukishima. ‘Your cute baby face without glasses or those long, long legs of yours. Are those the socks I bought you, baby?’
The scowl that had started to form at the comment about his face drops at the pet name. Tsukishima bites his lip, nodding as Kuroo crowds him against the wall. He tilts Tsukishima’s face towards him with a gentle grip on his chin. ‘Can I kiss you?’
Tsukishima shivers, goosebumps breaking out across his skin. How many nights had he touched himself to Kuroo’s voice asking the same question to faceless men who resembled Tsukishima just enough? They always answered yes, but he held firm.
‘No.’
‘No?’ Kuroo asks, frowning.
‘Kiss me for the first time on camera. Even if you can’t see my face, I want to watch.’
Kuroo’s eyes darken and he nods. He keeps himself attached to Tsukishima, his hand dropping to his shoulder as he directs him towards the bed. He takes Tsukishima’s glasses and sets them on the nightstand, handing Tsukishima his phone for pictures.
‘Tell me where you want to start.’
Tsukishima has Kuroo sit on the bed before he straddles him, sliding into place on his lap. His pulse quickens as they start snapping picture after picture, slowly undressing Kuroo. The first picture is Tsukishima with his face buried in Kuroo’s neck, the skirt fanning out behind him with his sock clad feet hooked on Kuroo’s thighs. Then Tsukishima’s turned around, his back pressed to Kuroo’s bare chest. Kuroo’s tattooed arm is visible as his hand slides up the bottom hem of Tsukishima’s shirt. Then Kuroo pinning Tsukishima to the bed, his legs bent, socks on display.
The skirt begins to slip upwards, revealing the creamy skin of Tsukishima’s thighs, before just a flash of the lace. Kuroo’s eyes are stormy as he asks again.
‘Please, let me kiss you.’
Tsukishima glances at the camera, eyes catching the red dot showing its recording. Finally he nods, telling Kuroo yes. He barely gets the word out before Kuroo is kissing him.
If he had ever told anyone that he had made out with someone before, it was a lie. There’s no way what he had done with some of his exes came anywhere close to this. Their entire bodies are flush, Kuroo’s weight pressing him against his cock, slowly filling out in his lace panties. The kiss started slowly, like Kuroo was savoring the feel and taste of Tsukishima’s lips. It quickly devolved from there. Every lick of his tongue, every change in pressure of his lips is done with a precision that drives Tsukishima wild.
He opens his mouth fully under the coaxing of Kuroo’s tongue, mewling as it presses against the roof of his mouth. He slides his own tongue up, pressing against Kuroo’s experimentally. Then it’s a slick slide of the muscles together, their spit mixing as Tsukishima’s hips begin to rock involuntarily. When Kuroo pulls back for air, they’re both breathing heavily. Kuroo answers Tsukishima’s subtle rocking with a pointed roll of his own hips.
‘Ah,’ Tsukishima gasps, the heat coursing through him at the friction. Kuroo slides his hands down Tsukishima’s thighs until he can grab handfuls of Tsukishima’s ass.
‘Roll over. Let me look at you before we move on.’
Tsukishima complies, wondering for a second if he should be doing this more seductively. He goes to wiggle himself onto his knees but Kuroo presses down on the small of his back, repositioning himself until he’s the one straddling Tsukishima. His legs are caught in between Kuroo’s. Kuroo traces up his thighs, running his fingers along the edge of the socks.
‘These were a nice surprise for me. I knew the second I saw your legs on your page how perfect they would look in a cute pair of thigh highs. God, and how perfect you were, letting me buy you pretty clothes to dress up in.’ He groans, slipping his hands back to Tsukishima’s ass. ‘Let me take a picture like this, hold on.’
He hears the click of his phone's camera, Kuroo’s free hand slipping under the skirt to cup his ass. Every touch of Kuroo’s skin to his sends flames shooting outwards. When he flips the skirt up to reveal even more skin, he tosses the phone to the side, pressing a kiss to Tsukishima’s skin.
‘You’re so pretty, baby. I’m almost glad you don’t post all of this online, the thought of someone else seeing your perfect ass would drive me crazy. You wear these for me too?’ He snaps the waistband of the thong, stinging.
‘Yes. There’s more,’ Tsukishima answers. ‘Take them off, Kuroo-san.’
Kuroo does, but not before nipping the swell of Tsukishima’s ass. When he slides them down enough that the plug is visible, there’s a sharp inhale and then a groan from Kuroo.
‘Fuck. Holy hell, you’re not real.’
Tsukishima laughs, wiggling until Kuroo moves back so he can roll back around. Kuroo’s only wearing his boxers right now, his own erection bulging beneath the fabric, a wet spot forming at the tip. Tsukishima grabs his phone again, motioning for Kuroo to stay still. He slides his sock clad foot up Kuroo’s thigh, pressing firmly against Kuroo’s cock and snapping a few shots. Kuroo groans, his hand coming to rest on Tsukishima’s ankle.
‘Tell me, baby. Did you finger yourself open this morning thinking of me? Did you sit on a train full of people plugged and ready for me to take your virginity the second I got you into my bed?’
Tsukishima whines at his words. ‘Yes,’ he forces out, mindful of the camera recording them. Any shots of his face would be edited out but he wants to make sure that his reactions are verbal.
‘Good boy,’ Kuroo coos, kissing a line up the white socks, dipping his tongue under the top of them when he makes it that far up. ‘Do you want a reward?’ His eyes are dangerous. Tsukishima feels like the lamb led to the slaughter, but he says yes anyways.
Mindful of the camera, Kuroo keeps kissing up Tsukishima’s thighs until his head is practically underneath the skirt. There he presses a soft kiss to the tip of Tsukishima’s cock, causing the blonde to gasp, his hips jerking.
‘Shh, lay there and enjoy.’ Kuroo starts off by licking up and down Tsukishima’s dick, getting him used to the new sensation. When he wraps his lips around him, slowly starting to bob his head up and down, Tsukishima thinks he could simply pass away. The sensation is so much better than his hand or the one toy he had tried. The sight of Kuroo’s tattooed arms holding his hips down while the skirt juts out obscenely to make room for Kuroo’s head is just as dizzying. He barely manages to snap one more picture before Kuroo sinks even further down on his cock.
‘Oh god,’ he whimpers, forced to just lay there. When Kuroo’s hand drops down to press his thumb against the plug, Tsukishima’s entire body jolts. ‘Wait fuck, oh god Kuroo I’m gonna cum,’ he tries to warn.
‘Cum in my mouth baby, get yourself nice and relaxed for my dick.’ Kuroo resumes his ministrations, pressing into the plug on every downstroke of his mouth. It’s too much too fast—Tsukishima can’t hold it back and he cums with a cry, his hand fisted into Kuroo’s hair.
The next thing he knows, Kuroo is kissing him again. He can taste himself in Kuroo’s mouth, moaning weakly as his spent cock twitches. He’s wrapping his legs around Kuroo instinctively, tugging on his boxers. He wants Kuroo inside of him.
Kuroo’s boxers discarded, his cock hangs swollen with his own desire. Tsukishima touches it, hesitant fingers wrapping around. Kuroo walks him through it, his eyes glued to Tsukishima’s face. It’s not until Kuroo asks him how he wants it that it sinks in. He’s seconds away from being fucked on camera for the first time ever by a porn star. He has a second of anxiety, pausing without answering the question. Kuroo must sense it, pressing gentle kisses along Tsukishima’s jaw.
‘We can stop if you’ve changed your mind,’ he reminds him. Tsukishima shakes his head.
‘No, I don’t want to stop. Like this,’ he finally decides. ‘So I can see you.’
Kuroo laughs, nuzzling his face into Tsukishima’s neck. ‘You’re so cute, Tsukishima,’ he whispers into his ear so the camera doesn’t pick it up. A nip to Tsukishima’s earlobe and then Kuroo’s pulling back.
The lube is grabbed and Kuroo coats his fingers with it before slowly removing Tsukishima’s plug. Tsukishima’s holding his legs bent at his chest and he’s grateful for something to hold on to to ground him as Kuroo’s fingers, slick with lube, begin to press inside. He’s already opened from the plug but Kuroo keeps working him even further. He slips in a third finger, a tight fit, and finally brushes against Tsukishima’s prostate.
‘Ah!’ Tsukishima gasps, his thighs twitching. He shouldn’t be as affected seeing as he’s already came once but his body feels heavy and hot, every new sensation washing over him. Kuroo watches him with burning eyes.
‘That’s it,’ he coaxes, removing his fingers to press the blunt tip of his cock against Tsukishima’s hole. ‘Relax, let me in baby.’
Tsukishima’s breath hitches at every new inch that slides inside of him. His toys have absolutely nothing on the fullness he gets from Kuroo splitting him open. His body hovers over him as he keeps working himself inside of Tsukishima until he’s buried to the hilt.
He groans, reconnecting their lips. ‘How’s it feel?’ He manages to ask.
‘Full,’ Tsukishima breathes out. ‘So full. Good.’
Kuroo groans against his lips. He slides his tongue behind Tsukishima’s teeth as he begins to pull back. The slide out leaves him feeling impossibly empty, something he voices until Kuroo’s snapping his hips back inside of him.
‘Shh, baby. You won’t be empty for long, I’ll keep you nice and full. You’d like that huh? One taste of my cock and you’re hooked already?’
Tsukishima cries out softly, nodding. Kuroo’s dirty talk had always gotten him going but now, knowing it was meant directly for him, he didn’t know how long he was going to last with it. Already his dick is filling out again.
‘Yes,’ he agrees, dropping the hold he had on his legs to wrap his arms around Kuroo’s shoulders. Kuroo’s weight keeps his legs in place as he fucks him, letting Tsukishima pull him close to him. Kuroo reaches up for Tsukishima’s shirt, tugging until the buttons that were holding steadfast pop free.
The newly exposed skin makes contact with Kuroo’s chest, alighting even more of his senses. Kuroo’s pace never falters, his experience keeping Tsukishima building closer and closer to cumming once more. On top of the pleasure coursing through him from that, the skin to skin contact and the way Kuroo keeps his mouth glued to any part of him has Tsukishima close to tears.
Good tears, he thinks. He had been expecting the pleasure. He knew that Kuroo was going to make him see stars. He hadn’t been expecting the intimacy of it all. How close Kuroo was to him, how connected he felt. He didn’t want it to end. He wanted Kuroo to hold him this close even when they were done fucking, wanted Kuroo to keep him tucked into his chest.
The first tear breaks free at the same time as his orgasm, his body overwhelmed as he cums untouched for the first time. He feels Kuroo spill inside of him, trying to catch his breath.
‘Baby, oh baby.’ Kuroo brushes his hair off of his sticky forehead, kissing the tear tracks as they form. ‘Shh, you did so good. You’re so perfect. It’s okay, I’ve got you.’
Kuroo reassures him until he calms down. The camera in the distance beeps, it’s memory full. Tsukishima wishes it would’ve cut off before he cried, but whatever. He sniffs once more, releasing his hold on Kuroo to wipe his face.
‘Sorry, it just was a lot at the end.’ The emotions dying down, he starts to get embarrassed.
Kuroo doesn’t let the embarrassment last. ‘Hey, it’s overwhelming, it’s fine. Do you think you can walk so we can get you cleaned up in the bathroom?’
Tsukishima shrugs. They test it out and when he wavers, even though it was for less than half a second, Kuroo wraps his arm around Tsukishima’s waist and drags him off towards the bathroom. This is just as intimate as the act of sex itself, and Tsukishima’s mind wanders. It’s no wonder, he thinks, that there are people who fall in love with everyone they sleep with. He wonders how Kuroo does this for a living. If everyone on his sets gets treated like this, or is Tsukishima really special.
‘Alright now you have to pick. You can borrow some sweats and we can nap, or we can get food.’
He’s drawn back to the present, meeting Kuroo’s eyes. They have plans together all day, but they’re very loose. Kuroo’s promised to feed him, and if they want to sightsee Kuroo’s picked a few spots. Otherwise their main plan(outside of the sex) is to just laze around Kuroo’s apartment, edit a bit of the video, and sleep.
He should pick food but he’s not going to. ‘Nap please.’
They nap, curled together in Kuroo’s bed. Kuroo manages to convince Tsukishima to go out for lunch, but they end up straight back at his apartment, sprawled on his couch and binge watching a show Kuroo keeps texting Tsukishima about.
Tsukishima doesn’t get very far in editing the video footage when he finally gets to it. He’s taken a few screenshots and cut a few clips out, but Kuroo’s hovering over his shoulders, pressed firmly against his back. By the time he makes it to Kuroo blowing him, he’s mouthing along his shoulders until Tsukishima shuts the laptop with a deciding click, pushing Kuroo back into the mattress.
‘One more round before bed? No camera this time?’ Kuroo asks, breathless.
Tsukishima answers by pulling off his shirt and flinging it to the side.
**
The collaboration with Kuroo is by far the biggest hit on his Onlyfans ever. Akaashi had demanded he put it up behind a paywall, with only a few pictures up for subscribers. Kuroo’s already told him he doesn’t want any money from it, and every time he checks his stats on the site for a potential payout, the number staring at him stresses him out.
What’s stressing him out even more though is the lack of responses from Kuroo.
He had gotten used to the daily texts from Kuroo about anything and everything that crossed his mind. It only made the silence more stark. Tsukishima was even going out of his way to text first, a feat even Yamaguchi hadn’t accomplished. Kuroo would reply with only one word answers or simply liking the message, and Tsukishima was sick of it.
It hurt. He had told himself ahead of time that the likelihood of Kuroo messaging him being just an act to get into Tsukishima’s pants was high, but Kuroo had made it all seem so real. How could someone put that much love and care into taking care of someone just to throw them to the side a week later?
Yamaguchi told him he should try to call Kuroo or at the very least text him a paragraph about his feelings but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had reached out a handful of times now and gotten nothing, he wasn’t going to keep trying something that wasn’t working.
But he would make Kuroo reach out to him. The thing about being the youngest in the family is you’re almost born with the pettiest streak ever. Tsukishima was a pro at both pissing people off with passive aggressive comments and at getting them to do what he wanted. His paycheck from the collaboration alone was enough that if this backfired and he blew up his site, he would survive.
One thing he talked about constantly with Kuroo was the need for privacy. Kuroo had expressed regrets of showing his face even if he loved his job, and he constantly took effort to ensure that during their time together that was recorded wouldn’t expose him at all. He didn’t call him by his name, but later when it was just the two of them he was practically chanting ‘Kei’. He angled the camera for privacy and rewatched everything before Tsukishima posted it.
So Tsukishima would push those limits. Ultimately it was his face and his decision, and while he had no intention of ever posting it, his subscribers didn’t need to know that.
The shots were easy. He had a new pink babydoll top that he hadn’t posted yet. If he let the camera drift a little higher than normal, capturing his lips in the shot, that was his choice. If he captioned it with the vaguest hint that he was considering showing more, that was his choice.
It worked like a charm. The post was only up for half an hour before his phone was buzzing on his desk. He thought about letting it ring to voicemail, but he wanted to catch Kuroo when he was most passionate about it.
‘Hello?’
‘You’re not seriously considering showing your face? Tsukishima, I know that it’s tempting but I’m telling you it’s a bad idea.’ Kuroo sounds genuinely worried and while Tsukishima would love to comfort him, the ugly sting of being ignored wouldn’t let him.
‘I’m sorry, who is this?’ He hums, spinning in his chair. ‘I don’t think I recognize the number.’
‘Okay, maybe I deserved that but—‘
‘If you think it’s just maybe then you can hang up the phone right now. I didn’t think you were the type of guy to drop his friends the second he gets them into bed, but maybe I was wrong.’
His words ring through the phone, silence stretching between them. For a minute, Tsukishima thinks this is it. That his thing with Kuroo really was just that, a hookup that he was way more invested in.
‘I definitely deserved that,’ Kuroo says before Tsukishima can hang up. ‘I can explain.’
‘I’m waiting.’ He hates how his voice wavers. He hates even more that he knows Kuroo hears it from how his own breath hitches.
‘Shit, Tsukishima. I wanted to have this conversation in person.’
‘I’m not waiting four more hours for an explanation. You can FaceTime me but I reserve the right to make you stare at my ceiling if I get upset.’
‘That’s fair.’ The sound of the FaceTime request rings through his phone and he clicks the button. Kuroo looks as rough as Tsukishima feels. He doesn’t feel as bad about his oversized hoodie when he sees Kuroo is wearing the same thing.
‘Well?’ He prompts Kuroo after a few seconds of Kuroo just staring at him on the phone.
‘Right. I don’t know where to start,’ he chuckles dryly, running a hand down his face. Before Tsukishima can tell him to start by being honest with him, Kuroo keeps talking. ‘First I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. That was cruel of me. I never meant to make you feel like I was just pretending to be your friend, I swear.’
Tsukishima believes him. Maybe he’s gullible, maybe his feelings for Kuroo were stronger than even he knew. ‘Well, you did. Intention or not it was shitty.’
‘I know. I don’t have an excuse, just an explanation. I really like you, Kei. I know that doesn’t make sense when I was just ignoring you, but you’ve been all I can think about these last few weeks. You didn’t ask for that so I’ve tried to distance myself to not burden you with my feelings.’
‘You’re full of it,’ Tsukishima argues, frowning. ‘You don’t like me, I’m an asshole.’
‘You are, and I like it so much. I’m serious, Kei. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re gorgeous, you’re so driven and witty and yeah, sometimes you can be a bit mean but I like that about you.’
‘People who like people don’t leave them hanging for weeks. You’re so stupid, you didn’t want to burden me with your feelings but you left me with my own? If you liked me, you would’ve taken half of my burden and I would’ve taken half of yours.’ Tsukishima sniffs, feeling his eyes water. He doesn’t want to cry, that defeats the purpose of being petty. Petty people don’t cry.
‘I like you so much that I’ve canceled all of my upcoming shoots because I don’t even want to look at another man. I’ve never felt this way so quickly before.’ Kuroo’s laughing through his own tears, shaking his head. ‘Why are we arguing if we both like each other? Surely we can put our heads together and come up with a solution, yeah?’
‘I was never going to post my face. I knew it would make you call me,’ Tsukishima admits, his own laugh just as wet as Kuroo’s. ‘I don’t want you to throw away your career for me, though. Akaashi-san would kill me.’
‘He would live. He’s been texting me all week calling me stupid, I think he’s actually in favor of me not filming anymore if it means you’re in my life.’
‘I’d like that, you know. To be in your life.’ Tsukishima lets Kuroo look at him, his honesty plain on his face. He can allow himself to be vulnerable this once.
‘Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to spend the rest of your life hiding me because you’re dating a porn star, even if I’m retired from it.’
‘Presumptuous of you to assume we’ll be together for the rest of my life and also that I would hide you.’
‘See, I wish this was in person because I would so tickle the shit out of you for being a menace. You really know me well enough you had me calling within the hour, huh?’ Finally, a smile breaks out across Kuroo’s face, one that’s mirrored in Tsukishima’s own.
‘What can I say, men are easy.’
**
To all of my followers, old and new.
Thanks for the wild ride that this page was. Not to get too into personal details, but I graduated last spring and now that it’s fall, I’m secure in my new job. I’ll leave this up for one more month, but when your membership is due to renew, it will cancel instead. My page will be shut down.
I enjoyed posting here for you these years and hope to see you elsewhere. May I suggest you all follow my long time follower NekoNekoCapt and his secret account(shhh) for maybe a glimpse of me in the future. No guarantees. No bullshit there either, we have the same manager and he will block you ✌️