Work Text:
Click.
Click, click, click.
People keep moving past the old white building, not even paying attention to the photographer who uses all his flexibility and creativity to get the best shot of the restaurant.
Nobody really cares about things like this here: everyone has their own stuff to tend to and places to be, and besides, photographers have long stopped surprising the locals — that was to be expected with the rise of technology and social media.
It’s Hyunjin’s last weekend in Rome before he moves to Prague for the next three weeks and he wants to make the most of it, because Rome has always been an important place on his bucket list of travel destinations.
Truthfully, he was supposed to leave two days ago, but when he received an unexpected and quite belated offer to spend the weekend taking pictures of the restaurants and cafes in the city, Hyunjin didn’t hesitate at all.
He loves it here, loves how slow and comforting life in Europe feels compared to his home country, and the culture, the beauty of this specific city has always fascinated him.
Hyunjin works as a travel photographer, and though he is surely not the best at it yet, he constantly keeps growing and making his portfolio more impressive with each new trip that he takes. The trip to Rome is his favorite so far, and he is very excited to go through all the pictures that he took for himself once he lands in Prague next week and gets a few days to rest and absorb the new culture around him.
Click.
Hyunjin takes one more picture of the restaurant from the outside and then confidently heads inside to ask for a permission to use his camera there too — his assignment this time is to capture the food life of Rome, or, in other words, take great pictures of different restaurants and cafes so that the magazine that he’s doing it for can sell this city to more tourists.
It’s not like Rome needs any promotion, at least that is Hyunjin’s opinion, but he is happy to assist in helping more people discover the beauty of this city that isn’t talked about enough.
“Excuse me,” he clears his throat as he walks up to one of the waiters. “Would you mind if I took a few pictures here? It’s for an article on tourism and food in Rome…”
Technically, Hyunjin doesn’t need to ask, but since he’s doing it for money, he feels that he must do this every time simply to avoid potential misunderstanding and any kind of problems that his pictures could cause. He has to wait for about ten minutes while the waiter is trying to get the answer, but Hyunjin doesn’t mind and uses this time to look around and pick some spots that may later turn into perfect shots.
The restaurant is big and looks very fancy, clearly a place to draw tourists in, but the prices on the menu that Hyunjin notices aren’t actually that bad, so he decides to stay here for lunch even if he won’t be allowed to do his job in this place.
It is split in two parts, and Hyunjin can’t see if there are any free tables in the smaller zone, but overall the place is really busy for an hour like this. It almost feels a little awkward to use the camera once he gets the green light for it, but Hyunjin ignores this unpleasant feeling and snaps a few pictures of the interior and the food before heading to the other zone.
Every single table is already taken, as Hyunjin discovers right away, but he doesn’t want to leave so quickly since visiting this restaurant was the last plan on his list for the day, so he chooses to linger for a while longer and see if anyone asks for the bill soon.
As he thinks about this, Hyunjin almost mindlessly grabs his camera from the bag again and starts taking pictures of this zone too — it seems to be more popular with the visitors and it shows in the interior too.
There are many people at every table, mostly groups of friends who are talking about something and laughing in between taking bites of their food, some families, too, happily enjoying their meal out, and only a few loners, which doesn’t really surprise Hyunjin.
As a travel photographer, he isn’t tied with just one aspect of photography and needs to be good at everything, so he constantly observes the world around him, looks for details in all the things and people that he sees.
Hyunjin does that for himself in the first place, because he loves watching people and taking in what makes every place that he travels to so special, but it’s also a great practice for photography, because this way he can easily tell what’s natural and what isn’t.
Solo travelers aren’t exactly common — they sure exist, and there are many of them, but people still prefer traveling with friends or family members than go on solo trips, simply because it’s more fun, it’s cheaper and also way safer. If these people here are locals and not tourists, Hyunjin has an explanation for this too, and it can be clearly seen from how few the people that came to the restaurant alone are compared to those who went out together with someone.
Hyunjin loves watching people who go on walks alone, just as a photographer, not some kind of a creep, because they always look more genuine when it’s just them.
People sure look happier when they’re with friends or other loved ones, but one thing Hyunjin noticed is that there are details that you simply can’t discover about someone unless you see them just enjoying their own company — for example, it’s hard to catch the way someone’s eyes light up upon seeing a beautiful flower if they’re not alone.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that people are any different when they’re with friends or alone, but Hyunjin finds it interesting to observe from the side how multiple things coexist in one person, with some shining brighter than others in certain situations.
Usually, Hyunjin doesn’t dare to take pictures of strangers unless he asks them about it first, and he doesn’t really mean to change that today, but there is one person sitting in the very corner of the restaurant that inevitably draws him in.
It’s a guy with black hair and several light strands that probably perfectly highlight the shape of his face that Hyunjin can’t see since the guy is very focused on reading a book in his hands.
Hyunjin finds it hard to explain what exactly it is about this guy that caught his attention like this, but he can’t stop staring at the stranger through the camera lens until he suddenly figures it out — the guy looks awfully familiar.
“There’s a free table in the other zone if you want to order something,” a waitress smiles at him politely as she passes by and heads to the table where the stranger is calmly reading his book.
He thinks for a moment that he probably should actually go back and take that table before someone else occupies it and steals his chance to have some food, but he stays frozen, eyes glued to the small table in the corner.
Hyunjin is still looking through his camera and takes random pictures of the walls and the ceiling every now and then just so that nobody finds him suspicious, a trick he learned a few years ago, but when the guy looks up from his book to talk to the waitress, Hyunjin nearly drops the camera on the floor.
Click.
Hyunjin needs a few seconds to realize that he’s just accidentally taken a picture and then he hurries to shove the camera into his bag and freezes again when Seungmin, who looked like just another stranger to him less than a minute ago, waves at him with a smile.
Of course Seungmin recognized him too, there could be no doubt about it even though Hyunjin has changed a lot since they last saw each other — he grew out his hair and dyed it blond, got several new piercings and even tattoos, and changed his fashion choices too.
“Hi,” Hyunjin barely notices himself walking over to Seungmin’s table, but once he’s there, it’s already too late to panic and back out.
“Hi to you too!” Seungmin smiles at him and puts the book away, pointing at the chair across the table and offering Hyunjin to take a seat. “Woah, I— never expected to run into you again like this, especially here in Rome. I can’t believe this, it feels…”
“Surreal?” Hyunjin finishes for him and gulps when Seungmin nods, still smiling. “I couldn’t think that it would ever happen again too. All roads lead to Rome, right?”
When Seungmin chuckles at this, Hyunjin becomes painfully aware of just how much he missed hearing this sound — and of his mixed feelings about this meeting, too. On the one hand, he is happy to see Seungmin again no matter how unexpected and surprising it is for him, but on the other hand, it hurts to sit right next to each other yet have no idea where they even stand now.
It hurts to realize that they truly are like strangers now despite all the memories that they had together, to sit close as though they’re friends — and know nothing about what kind of a life Seungmin is living right now and how much the time that they spent apart changed him, if at all.
“How— how have you been?” Seungmin’s voice quavers a little, it’s barely noticeable but it reminds Hyunjin that Seungmin must be thinking about the same thing right now.
“Good,” Hyunjin tries, though his voice betrays him too, because he wants to cry and tell Seungmin all about his feelings. “I’ve been good.”
It’s not really a lie, to be fair: life has been treating him well ever since he found his first job offer and went on the first serious trip, and even though some months were a struggle, Hyunjin could never complain about this.
He’s always dreamed of it, wanted to travel full-time and capture the beauty of the world for himself and for whoever was going to pay him for it, and now that he has it, Hyunjin feels happy with his life choices and the effort that he put into achieving this.
But all these good things didn’t come without sacrifices too, and the biggest one had to be parting ways with Seungmin, which honestly hurts Hyunjin a lot up to this day regardless of how much he tries to convince himself that he’s moved on by now.
He hasn’t, and he probably never will, but this wasn’t solely his decision and it wasn’t a choice either, so he had to respect what Seungmin thought about it, which he did, just like Seungmin respected him — so now it’s a big question, who are they for each other after so much time apart?
“What brings you to Rome?” Hyunjin asks, but he still can’t stop thinking about what happened between them several years ago.
They met during their first year at university, a photography student and a history major were brought together to work on a project for the upcoming university event, and it was an immediate match.
Hyunjin didn’t think that he could become friends with someone so quickly, especially someone so different from him, but Seungmin proved him wrong by understanding him better than anyone else did before, by respecting his feelings the way few people knew how to, and by making him want to continue pursuing his dream and encouraging him all the time.
A few months later Hyunjin woke up with a realization that he was in love with his friend, and life was miraculously on his side in that realization too, so after he gathered enough courage to confess, they started dating.
It was perhaps the best time of Hyunjin’s entire life, even with how tiring university was and how much uncertainty he felt about his future as an aspiring travel photographer, because being in a relationship with Seungmin was everything that he ever wanted from love and maybe even a little more than that.
Seungmin was — still is and forever will be — his first love, and he was Seungmin’s first too, so they grew together, learned to compromise and love, learned to communicate and show respect, and by the time of their graduation Hyunjin had no doubts that Seungmin was The One for him.
They moved in together about a year through their relationship because renting a tiny place together was much better than living in a shitty dorm with questionable roommates that neither of them got along with, and while their life wasn’t something idyllic, it taught them a lot and brought them even closer.
However, about three months before they were supposed to get their diplomas, Hyunjin started sending his portfolio to companies and people who were looking for a photographer — because it made sense to start early so that he could have options to choose from or enough time to make his portfolio better in case he received no responses.
Seungmin supported him in that too, just like he did with everything that Hyunjin tried, but it was clear that something was bothering him, and so one day they had to sit down for a serious conversation about it, which wasn’t pleasant or happy at all.
Instead, it shattered something very important for Hyunjin — it was expected to happen at some point, they both felt it, but he feared that day and never wanted it to come, hoped that there would be a way to keep both big parts of his soul intact somehow.
It wasn’t a surprise for Hyunjin at all. He knew that Seungmin wasn’t ready for a long-distance relationship, just like he knew that it wasn’t about him — Seungmin loved him more than he loved anyone, but no matter how strong that love was, he couldn’t handle the thought of purposely making himself go through the pain of not being able to see Hyunjin for months or maybe even longer than that.
Seungmin needed conversations in real life and not rushed video calls at ungodly hours thanks to the time zone differences, he wanted to have warm hugs and languid kisses and not pretty postcards from all over the world, he wanted to have the stability that Hyunjin as a traveling, wandering free bird couldn’t give him.
Perhaps it was a mistake on their side to even start a relationship in the first place, because Seungmin knew it all along that Hyunjin wasn’t meant for staying in one place for years, just like Hyunjin knew that Seungmin was planning to do his masters at the same university and only travel for fun and adventures, not as a life-style.
But neither of them had any regrets about this, because the spark between them that later turned into the steady fire of love didn’t ask, because the time that they spent together brought them more happiness than ignoring it ever would. It was a joyful, comforting journey, but Hyunjin didn’t even try to argue when Seungmin carefully brought up the thought that it had to come to an end — or at least an indefinite pause.
It hurt to realize that everything that he grew to love in the relationship with Seungmin turned into something that he had to part with and let go, but change can never be pleasant and comfortable, it inevitably puts you through a lot of emotional shit on the path to something new, so Hyunjin had no other choice but to accept it.
He could make an attempt to insist, beg Seungmin to give it a try before ending things, but Hyunjin chose not to: even the very thought of seeing Seungmin hurt and long for him felt like a sharp cut on his heart, and he didn’t want to ever be the one hurting the person that he loved so much.
There were other, maybe wiser ways to handle that, but they all made no sense at the time since Seungmin wasn’t ready for it then, and, after all, Hyunjin also knew that he would miss Seungmin just as much.
They didn’t break up right away, instead parting slowly and peacefully, and they both made sure that the other knew and understood that it had nothing to do with falling out of love — it wasn’t even breaking up, truthfully, they were simply approaching a crossroad where they couldn’t follow each other.
Seungmin even said half-jokingly and half-seriously that they would surely meet again in the future if they were truly meant to stay together, and though neither of them believed in fate, Hyunjin just had to agree with this.
At first, they stayed in touch after Hyunjin left their home country and started working as a freelancer (it took several months of local work while they were still together before Hyunjin got his first serious project), but it was becoming increasingly difficult as he kept jumping between different time zones and Seungmin had his head buried in all the new university assignments.
Life as a travel photographer has never been easy for Hyunjin, and it meant losing a lot of things that he loved in order to gain more experience and find new opportunities.
He was prepared for it, since travel photography wasn’t just his passion, succeeding in this and building his life around it was a big goal of his, not a dream: Hyunjin knew that he was diving into one of the most unstable fields, but that was where he saw himself, that was what he wanted to be, and all he hoped for with it was that his dear people would still stay by his side.
When Seungmin stopped texting him and Hyunjin couldn’t find free time to check up on him for three weeks that then turned into months, something shattered deep in his heart, but he had no right to blame Seungmin for feeling hurt as well as he tried not to feel too guilty for it himself.
Parting ways was the most mature decision that they could come to without breaking each other’s hearts with all the uncertainty that Hyunjin’s life turned into and Seungmin’s need for a real-life relationship, so eventually Hyunjin forced himself to move on. Or at least, he did his best to convince himself that he moved on, kept telling himself that it was for the best until he managed to fool his brain into actually believing this.
They still briefly wish each other a happy birthday, and Seungmin is perhaps following his travel blog, but it’s hard to call them friends, let alone lovers — they’re ex-boyfriends, no more and no less than this, and even though Hyunjin never stopped loving Seungmin, now that they actually somehow ran into each other again he has no idea how to act.
What is he even supposed to say? Last time he saw Seungmin they held hands and kissed the way they always did before Hyunjin had to leave, but now just the thought of touching Seungmin’s hand like he used to scares him, not because he wouldn’t want to do it, but because it simply doesn’t seem possible.
It is also incredibly ironic that they met in Rome of all places in the world, so ironic that Hyunjin even questions for a moment whether it’s even real because it feels like a dream and most definitely not reality. Rome wasn’t on top of Hyunjin’s travel bucket list only, it was also a place that Seungmin really wanted to visit, and though they had different reasons to feel attracted to this city, it was a dream destination for both of them.
Can it really be true that they made this dream come to life at the same time even though they’re not even parts of each other’s present anymore?
Hyunjin shakes his head to get rid of all these uninvited memories and thoughts and puts his precious camera bag into the backpack which then goes under the table.
He completely misses the way Seungmin eyes the tiny keychain in the shape of a camera that is attached to the bag and is one of the few things from the past that Hyunjin could never part with — he might have his life packed in just one suitcase and backpack, but this is something that he always carries along.
It was a couple keychain that they got with Seungmin on a Christmas market one day, a camera one for him and one in the shape of a book for Seungmin, and while they only bought it for fun, this little token has become very meaningful and important for Hyunjin.
He doesn’t really think of it as a couple thing with his ex-boyfriend, not because he hates this idea now, but because it just makes sense to at least attempt to let go of such ideas, so when Seungmin’s eyes linger on it for a few moments, he doesn’t notice that.
“I’ve just graduated a few months ago,” Seungmin responds to his previous question, and it takes Hyunjin a second to remember what it was about. “It wasn’t easy, so I thought that I’d reward myself with a solo trip to Rome since I’ve always wanted to come here and feel all of its history for myself. I don’t have a real job yet, but I worked part-time last year to afford this now. What about you? Are you here for work?”
“You deserved to have that dream come true.”
Hyunjin gives him a genuine smile, happy that talking to Seungmin doesn’t feel too awkward — he would expect it to be much worse if he ever let himself think about this possibility.
“Yeah, I was supposed to leave a few days ago but then a new project came up and I decided to stay for the weekend,” he explains. “I’m currently taking pictures of various restaurants, cafes and street food places, it’s for an article on food life in Rome. They asked me to visit both tourist places and those that are more popular among locals, so I’m just going around and looking for that.”
“You… look much happier,” Seungmin says, albeit slightly hesitant, but he doesn’t get to elaborate on this because they get interrupted by the same waitress that Hyunjin talked to earlier.
She brings Seungmin his order and then turns around to ask Hyunjin whether he’s going to order anything or not, and though Hyunjin hasn’t thought about it at all, he picks the first thing on the menu that his gaze lands on.
It’s definitely a place meant for tourists more than locals because the menu has both the pictures and all the dishes written in English, but Hyunjin doesn’t bother with reading — he trusts the food to be good, and besides, his thoughts aren’t exactly here.
Seungmin, who surely has diligently read the entire menu at least twice before making his decision, raises his eyebrows upon hearing what Hyunjin’s choice is, but he doesn’t say anything and instead asks about how Hyunjin is finding Rome so far.
“Is it what you imagined it to be?”
“It’s so much better than what I hoped to find here,” Hyunjin shares excitedly — connecting again on the topic that is so familiar and close for them both is a lot easier. “I didn’t expect to get so emotional while visiting the Roman Forum, but I just couldn’t help it, and don’t even get me started on the people and food here. It’s such an amazing city, and I actually really hope to be back here again one day — traveling the world is great, but you know, some places really stick with you.”
Seungmin listens to that with a smile and nods along to what Hyunjin is saying, agreeing with everything, and then adds that while he’s only been here for a few days, he already managed to visit most of the places that he wanted to see and each of them left him absolutely speechless.
As someone who studied history for so many years, Seungmin always wanted to visit Rome and get to see all the famous places with his own eyes, to feel the weight of their history on his own shoulders, so it’s not surprising at all that he’s literally glowing as he talks about it.
Hyunjin isn’t a big fan of history, at least his heart isn’t burning for it, but back in their university days, especially when they lived together, he loved listening to Seungmin talk about things like this because it was clear that it made him feel happy.
Seeing Seungmin grin like this again as he talks about the Colosseum as though he’s going to burst with excitement the very next second evokes unexpected things somewhere deep inside of Hyunjin, the things that he wanted to believe no longer existed in him.
It makes Hyunjin want to coo and give Seungmin a hug or at least reach out and hold his hand, say just how happy he is that Seungmin got to achieve this huge dream of his, but instead he takes a deep breath and keeps it under control.
“What’s your next destination?” Seungmin then asks once his bubble of excitement pops and he remembers that they’re actually in a restaurant and his loud voice could be uncomfortable for other visitors.
Hyunjin understands that, but honestly, he wouldn’t mind listening to Seungmin talk about his favorite things for hours — which, no matter how much he tried to convince himself was in the past, is not something extraordinary. Time might have passed since they parted ways, and he might have changed a lot of things in his life, but what hasn’t changed at all is how whipped he is for Seungmin.
At this point Hyunjin isn’t even sure if it will ever go away, because so far, while they were away and didn’t even talk, his heart, unbeknownst to him, only grew fonder.
“I’m going to Prague next week,” he shares, trying his best to not think about the sparks of interest in Seungmin’s bright eyes. “It’s very exciting, because I’ll be taking pictures of the parks around the city. Apparently, a lot of tourists have no idea how green Prague actually is if you know where to look, so I was chosen to fix that little misconception about the city. You know, I get a lot of different offers these days, but since I’m best at capturing the nature around and I also love it most, those mean a lot to me.”
“Oh, this is amazing!” Seungmin exclaims with a genuine smile on his face. “I hope that you have a great time there.”
The waitress returns with Hyunjin’s food, but before he even gets to process it and thanks her almost on autopilot, Seungmin suddenly grabs his fork and pulls Hyunjin’s plate closer to him.
Now that is surprising, though things become clear just a few seconds later when Hyunjin notices that Seungmin is simply picking out a bunch of eggplant pieces — he didn’t even know he was ordering a dish with eggplants, too busy staring at Seungmin’s beautiful face that he missed so much.
It probably shouldn’t make his heart beat as fast as it does upon seeing this sight, because there could never be any doubt about Seungmin’s memory, and just because they had to break up didn’t mean that Seungmin was going to erase everything about Hyunjin from his mind.
Hyunjin shouldn’t be so touched by the fact that Seungmin still cares for him, even if it’s an unconscious gesture, like an old habit coming back to life, but he is, and when Seungmin returns him the plate with some food added from his own to replace the eggplants, he mouths a quiet thank you with a blush.
“Should I be worried for your wellbeing when you go to actual Italian places?” Seungmin chuckles, but if anything, he looks very fond and content.
He used to always take care of Hyunjin’s meals and kept nagging him for eating so many snacks and drinking a lot of coffee when proper food existed. At times Hyunjin would complain about it, saying that he wasn’t a child and could decide what to eat without anyone’s advice on that, but he actually really appreciated it.
His health definitely suffered once he started traveling full-time as his job, and not having Seungmin around to stop him from drinking so much coffee also played its part in this.
“You could join me for the rest of today’s tour if you still don’t trust my food choices,” Hyunjin blurts out sooner than his brain processes this thought.
Once he does realize what he’s just said, however, Hyunjin freezes with his fork barely touching the food, because that might just be the most embarrassing thing that he’s ever done after accidentally dropping a full tray while he was working part-time as a waiter.
Sure, he didn’t get to think about it yet, had no idea whether Seungmin would like to spend more time with him upon this unexpected meeting or if he (most likely) had other plans, but offering that straight away…
Seungmin doesn’t seem to even notice his inner turmoil and instead beams as he happily stuffs his mouth with the eggplant pieces that he took from Hyunjin’s plate earlier.
“I guess that could be beneficial for us both,” Seungmin makes a joke which gets Hyunjin to chuckle too, not feeling as bad now. “Can I get a free photoshoot for keeping you alive?”
Hyunjin is not that great at working with people when it comes to photography, his niche is in taking pictures of nature, historical and cultural places such as museums, art galleries and other buildings, but he loves practicing that too.
It’s difficult to capture someone’s culture and traditions in a nice and respectful way without also capturing the energy of the people in that culture, but if now he gets to practice that nearly every day during his work projects, while he was at university, Hyunjin would always do this with his friends — and Seungmin, of course.
Everyone was happy: Hyunjin got new experiences and sweet memories to last with the people that were dear to him, and his models, in turn, got free pictures and some quality time spent with their friend. Seungmin had always been his favorite model back then, which was honestly perhaps the most predictable thing to happen, and Seungmin also loved posing for him and going out of his comfort zone for a new adventure like that.
It was one of their favorite activities for dates, and it would be a lie to say that Hyunjin didn’t miss that after they parted ways and started living so far from each other — but then again, he could never really hide it even from himself that he missed Seungmin badly.
Now the prospect of getting to take some pictures of Seungmin on a walk shared together sounds very tempting, to say the least, even if Seungmin didn’t mean it seriously when he said that.
“You have a lifelong coupon for free photoshoots from me,” Hyunjin tries to keep his response light-hearted too, just so that Seungmin doesn’t feel pressured into doing anything. “They want an unbiased opinion, so I don’t have any list of places to visit and we could just wander around the city and visit those that speak the most to our hearts.”
“I can take part in that too?” Seungmin asks excitedly, and his eyes light up with curiosity. “That’d be so cool, and I bet that your project is only going to get better if we both pick different places to check out.”
Seungmin is right, just like he always is, because their tastes aren’t the same at all, and even though they did somehow end up picking one restaurant today and learned to find the middle ground when they were dating, it was almost surprising that they clicked so well all these years ago.
Maybe they should actually do this together — Hyunjin can simply pay for all their meals as a way to return the favor, though knowing Seungmin, he’s going to insist that he doesn’t need anything back.
“Yes, definitely, if you don’t have any plans, I’d love to spend some time together,” Hyunjin grins. “It’d be scandalous if we just pretended that we didn’t know each other after this lunch now that we’re both here in Rome. I mean, I… I— really missed seeing you and having you around.”
One thing that Hyunjin has never been good at is keeping control of his mouth, and right now it shows too, but he can’t help saying these words, not when they’ve been something that he tried to hold back and hide from himself and everyone he knew for so long.
He truly missed Seungmin and this isn’t something that he is ashamed to admit, though it does feel scary to say things like this when it’s so unclear where they even stand for each other.
Hyunjin isn’t sure who Seungmin is to him and he is absolutely not planning to make any assumptions regarding this on Seungmin’s behalf, but being honest is a trait of his personality that he is both proud of and wishes to change a bit sometimes.
He has an open soul and has always struggled with keeping his feelings, emotions and thoughts to himself, and while it’s usually a good thing, there are also moments when people try to use or bully him for that, and moments like this, too, when he bares his heart without knowing if it’s the right thing to do.
Will this be a mistake or will Seungmin demonstrate just how understanding and kind he is once again, making Hyunjin feel even more longing for him?
For a moment, Hyunjin almost forgets that they’re currently in a restaurant with so many people around them.
It doesn’t feel like a movie scene, no, instead, Hyunjin just mindlessly takes some food from his plate while waiting for Seungmin to say something. It’s just a few moments, but those moments feel like something very personal, something deeply private that is only happening between him and Seungmin, and that is why Hyunjin finds it so weird to realize that they’re not alone.
“I missed you too, Hyunjin,” Seungmin responds with a subtle smile that he hides behind the sleeve of his hoodie. “I still can’t believe that we’re actually here, you know, what were the chances that of all days, of all places, of all people… we met each other here, today?”
“I’m not that good with numbers,” Hyunjin laughs softly, feeling relief on his shoulders that comes from Seungmin’s reaction. “But I guess that it deserves a little reunion celebration.”
What they really need to do is talk about things, but Hyunjin does his best to avoid focusing on this and instead hopes to let himself fully enjoy the moment for once, bask in its excitement and warmth and not worry about what future holds for him — for them.
This meeting could easily be a sign from the universe, their second chance to start things over and hold onto each other tight this time, but it could also just be a strange coincidence depending on what they want to see it as.
There is no mystery behind it, no matter how unexpected it is for them both, so Hyunjin decides to stop letting his thoughts wander into exploring the idea that maybe Seungmin is still The One that he would be happy to spend a whole eternity with.
“How have you been aside from your work?” Seungmin then changes the topic as they wait for their desserts to arrive. “I see that you dyed your hair, blond looks really good on you. Did traveling change you in any other ways?”
“Absolutely,” Hyunjin nods. “I would say that it made me even more open-minded and free, which was something that I always wanted to have. When I was a student, there were always certain limits and rules, and while they sure exist for me now too, it’s just…”
“You notice that every culture and place have their own rules and traditions, so it becomes easier for you to be yourself, because you know that someone will always think that you’re weird and others will see you as a cool person,” Seungmin finishes for him, and all Hyunjin can do is nod again because it’s true.
Seungmin has always been like this — there were moments when Hyunjin wondered if Seungmin could read his mind, because it was extremely hard to believe that he simply felt Hyunjin so well on the emotional level.
While they’re so different in many other aspects, they are definitely on the same emotional wavelength, so having these kinds of conversations with Seungmin was perhaps the highlight of Hyunjin’s days sometimes.
It makes him smile today too, because that is another little thing about Seungmin that he missed terribly, and as he thinks about it, Hyunjin once again doesn’t notice the way Seungmin looks at him. When he does glance at Seungmin, the guy quickly averts his gaze and takes a sip of his drink, so it remains a secret.
“I didn’t just dye my hair, though,” Hyunjin continues and smiles at the waiter who brings their desserts. “Oh gosh, how come it’s all so tasty?..”
“I hope you don’t only eat desserts here,” Seungmin jokes again and squints at him in an attempt to look more serious and maybe even threatening, but it only makes Hyunjin burst out giggling. “What were you saying?”
Seungmin is his favorite comedian, everything he does or says instantly lights up Hyunjin’s mood and makes him laugh even on grim days, and it’s something that doesn’t seem to change in the slightest even with all the time that they spent apart.
It is probably supposed to be awkward, to meet your ex several years after your breakup, at least that’s how Hyunjin always saw it in media and from his friends’ experience, but their breakup was peaceful and full of respect for each other’s feelings, so talking to Seungmin right now is almost as though they haven’t even split.
Except… Hyunjin almost hates how comfortable he feels around Seungmin now, because it sparks hope and excitement somewhere in his heart, because all his attempts to convince himself that he was over it are now ruined, because— Hyunjin wishes that he knew who they are for each other, because this is one thing that no one prepared him for when they were talking about their ex-partners.
No one that Hyunjin knows has been so fond of their exes even years after their breakup: they warned him that it was stupid to try staying friends since it almost never worked for anyone, but they never told him that he would still wish that there was a way for them to stay together.
His relationship with Seungmin was nothing like what Hyunjin heard about before falling in love, it was built on communication and support before anything else, it was about respect and keeping their hearts warm for each other no matter what, and now their breakup is the same — at least for him.
Hyunjin finds it difficult to read Seungmin’s mood at the moment, so he quickly gives up and forces his thoughts to get back to the topic.
Just as easily as Seungmin makes him smile and laugh, he also quickly brings Hyunjin’s seriousness back afterwards.
“Right, so I also got a few new piercings,” Hyunjin doesn’t mention which those are, thinking that Seungmin must’ve noticed them already with how observant he is. “I thought of getting a small tattoo in each new country that I visited, but that didn’t seem like a wise idea, so instead I’m getting one when something memorable happens during my work trips.”
He almost blurts out another thought that has just randomly visited his mind: maybe he’s going to get another new tattoo after this day.
“Has anything memorable happened in Rome?” Seungmin asks then.
“Rome is very special in itself…” Hyunjin gives him a pretty evasive answer. “But not yet, no. I have a feeling that I’ll be back here soon for a new tattoo though.”
He senses that Seungmin wants to say something else, tease him about it, maybe, but this brief moment is gone in a blink when Seungmin simply asks for the bill.
Hyunjin insists on paying for them both, mostly because he wants Seungmin to spend this money on something else, like souvenirs or visiting more places around Rome, and lucky for him, Seungmin doesn’t try to argue with this and only thanks him with a smile.
Since they’re both feeling very full, they decide that their next destination should be something small, like a coffee shop with nothing but drinks and maybe a few cakes. After playing rock-paper-scissors like they did in the good old times, it is set that Hyunjin is going to pick a coffee shop to take pictures of and then, for dinner, it’ll be Seungmin’s turn to find a place that speaks to his heart.
For now, though, Hyunjin offers that they take a walk to one of the nearby parks and do the photoshoot there, to which Seungmin laughs and says that he didn’t mean it seriously but still agrees to do it. It warms Hyunjin’s heart to know that Seungmin seems to be unable to say no to him when it comes to little things like this, just like it was between them when they were still together.
“I’m not sure if I can do a good job though,” Hyunjin admits honestly as they stroll down the quiet street.
They’re walking side by side, so close that their hands are almost touching, and maybe if Hyunjin was a little braver, he would dare to take Seungmin’s hand and make up some silly excuse about not wanting him to get lost — it could work, since Seungmin said that he hasn’t been to this part of the city yet.
But Hyunjin isn’t brave at all when it comes to things like this, because he is afraid of shattering whatever fragile bubble of comfort it is that starts forming around them again, so he ignores the way Seungmin’s fingers occasionally brush against his hand.
“How so?” Seungmin sounds genuinely confused and even stops in the middle of the street to look at him with concern.
Hyunjin has always found that adorable and very sweet of Seungmin, the way he always slows down to check up on someone when he notices that the air around them changes, even if it’s just a tiny little shift that would barely be noticeable for anyone else.
“I haven’t done this for anyone in ages,” he shrugs. “I was mostly busy with my actual job, and when I had time off, I would always prefer to spend it with myself, exploring the place where I was at the moment, so there wasn’t any need for it.”
“I’m sure it’ll come to you once you lift up your camera,” Seungmin assures him calmly and starts walking again, completely unaware of what having him around after so long does to Hyunjin’s heart.
It’s only for one day, Hyunjin has to remind himself once they enter the park and Seungmin immediately runs off to play with someone’s fluffy dog. He shouldn’t let himself develop the attachment for Seungmin again, and he knows that, but it’s hard to give orders to your heart, especially since he never actually stopped loving Seungmin no matter how hard he tried.
Seungmin looks so happy playing with the dog that Hyunjin can’t help pulling out his camera sooner than he planned just to take a few pictures of that heartwarming cute scene. It turns out that Seungmin was right about it, just like he always is, and it doesn’t take too much effort for Hyunjin to switch his brain from work to this personal little photoshoot.
He feels a little rusty with the first few pictures, but soon he remembers how it’s done properly and starts enjoying capturing the scenes before his eyes just as much as he enjoys watching them.
Seungmin has always loved dogs, but since his parents didn’t have one and then, during university, they weren’t allowed to have any pets in their rented apartment, he usually kept Hyunjin company whenever he went to visit his family and his dog Kkami.
There were times when Hyunjin couldn’t really tell who was acting more like a puppy, Kkami or Seungmin, which gave birth to the sweet joke that Seungmin was actually a puppy in disguise. It would be stupid to assume that things could take a major change during the time that they weren’t talking, but Hyunjin is still very happy to see that Seungmin is exactly the same person that he loved, never stopped loving, just maybe a bit more mature and that’s it.
“You should join us!” Seungmin waves at him, making both Hyunjin and the dog owner laugh with how he falls onto his butt the very next moment, with his new fur friend on top of him.
“I think I’ll settle for watching you from the side,” Hyunjin responds with a chuckle and takes a few more pictures.
Seungmin doesn’t want to stay there for too long, though, and soon the dog also starts to feel tired, at least judging by how slow they both become in their movements, so after about ten more minutes they say goodbye to Seungmin’s new friend and set off on their journey to finding the perfect spot for the photoshoot to happen.
“I shouldn’t have played with that dog, I’m going to look so ugly in pictures now,” Seungmin complains with a small pout on his lips. “I feel so hot, can you hold my backpack for a second while I take off the hoodie?”
“Sure,” Hyunjin easily agrees and reaches to grab Seungmin’s backpack. “Don’t say things like this, you always look beautiful and right now is no exception. Besides, you made a little happy memory playing with the dog, and that’s the only thing that really matters.”
It is only thanks to the hoodie that covers Seungmin’s face for a short while that Hyunjin doesn’t notice the way his cheeks and ears turn red from that simple compliment. He also completely misses Seungmin’s fond gaze on him before this, but instead he spots something that he never expected to see again: in fact, he almost forgot that it existed.
Hidden under the hoodie, Seungmin has a small compass necklace with his favorite song lyrics engraved on it, the necklace that Hyunjin gifted to him for successfully finishing year two of university — he did a project on ancient Rome back then.
Hyunjin tries his best not to stare at it, but he knows that he fails terribly when Seungmin smiles at him and says that he couldn’t help it once he remembered how exactly it was given to him.
At that time, Hyunjin was really into jewelry, and while he knew that Seungmin wasn’t the biggest fan of it and barely ever wore anything, he also had Seungmin’s permission to pick jewelry as a gift — unless it was a birthday gift, that was the only rule.
When he saw that compass necklace in the store, Hyunjin immediately felt that he had to buy it for Seungmin, and the stars all aligned for this to be a successful surprise that made his boyfriend happy.
As he helped Seungmin put the necklace on, he made a light-hearted joke that Seungmin would need to wear it whenever he’d go traveling somewhere, just to ensure that he’d always be able to find his way back home.
It was only half-serious, because they both knew that a necklace couldn’t be of help if Seungmin actually got lost, but it sure could serve as a guide in tough situations even with just how meaningful that little token of love was for them both — and that was what Hyunjin hoped for, that it would continue making Seungmin happy and helping him untangle his thoughts.
“I didn’t know whether you’ve already visited Rome or not, but I assumed from your travel blog that you haven’t, so…” Seungmin blushes again as he says this. “I thought that it’d be nice if you could be here with me, even if it’s just in this necklace, since coming here was a part of your dream too.”
Hyunjin doesn’t know what makes his heart speed up more, knowing that Seungmin is still checking his travel blog even though they haven’t talked in ages prior to today or just this fact alone that Seungmin didn’t even try erasing Hyunjin from his life.
He ignores the stubborn rise in his pulse and takes a deep breath to calm down his trembling fingers; neither of this goes unnoticed by Seungmin, but thankfully, he chooses not to comment on this.
“Well, I guess the compass worked then, since I’m here for real,” Hyunjin makes a silly joke, but it actually gets Seungmin to laugh, so he considers it to be his little victory. “Let’s get that photoshoot going then? Do you have anything in mind?”
“Not really,” Seungmin shrugs. “I always trusted you with this, and I’m not sure if I can come up with anything right now. It’s just a walk, right? It doesn’t need to have any story behind it, I just want to capture the happy moment.”
Hyunjin takes a few pictures of the spots around them to check the light and then, after playing with the settings for a bit, he finds the perfect place that immediately sparks inspiration for him.
It’s an empty bench with three mighty trees just behind it, and it looks so good that he can barely control his excitement as he explains his idea to Seungmin, who listens to him with full attention and follows his instructions without a moment of hesitation.
Since visiting Rome has been a big dream for both of them, Hyunjin decides to go for a dreamy photoshoot too, make the world slow down for these pictures and capture the true bliss that is almost tangible in the air around Seungmin.
He gets Seungmin to sit by the bench first, asks him to take out that book he was reading in the restaurant and pretend to be reading, then takes a few pictures with Seungmin on the bench too, cracking random jokes to make him giggle with that for a more realistic happy look in the pictures.
“You’re doing amazing,” he grins at Seungmin, feeling joy rush through his veins as he snaps another picture — he missed doing it together with Seungmin. “Okay, now I want you to walk over to those trees and stand there. You don’t need to pose for me, just be yourself and do what feels good.”
“Can I play with the necklace?” Seungmin does as told yet still wants to rely on Hyunjin’s guidance, almost as though he doesn’t trust himself to look good in pictures if Hyunjin doesn’t tell him how to pose and what expressions to make.
But Hyunjin wants it to be natural, wants to catch the moment rather than create it, that’s what his talent and interest lies in, so he reassures Seungmin once again that he can do absolutely anything.
Seungmin only nods to this, and at first, everything goes well as he takes off the necklace and plays with the little compass in his hands, eyes focused on it for the first few pictures before he lets his gaze wander around, not lingering on any particular spot longer than a few seconds.
Click, click, click.
Seungmin hasn’t done it for a while, and it clearly shows in how borderline awkward some of his moves and expressions are, but he relaxes more and more with each passing second.
He used to say that he didn’t like cameras on him unless he was the one taking pictures, like selfies or mirror pictures, but when Hyunjin finally convinced him to go on a sunset walk that then turned into a quick photoshoot, he admitted that being around Hyunjin, so creative yet very attentive and mindful of his mood, made him feel very comfortable.
Today, even though they haven’t seen each other for so long and both have no idea who they are anymore, Seungmin only needs a few minutes to warm up and stop feeling shy in front of the camera — and that is what Hyunjin was trying to achieve with the pictures taken by the bench.
It’s a nice spot, but it’s not what he needed, not what he had in mind when he thought about Seungmin in one of the prettiest parks in Rome, so the first pictures were simply a way to remind Seungmin about how it actually feels to be a model for someone.
Click.
Suddenly, Seungmin stops glancing around and instead looks at him, and when Hyunjin catches his gaze through the camera lens, his breath hitches and he nearly freezes for a moment, not moving or even blinking once this realization hits him.
It’s Seungmin.
During his time away from home and all the people that he used to be close with, Hyunjin got really used to having something new in front of his camera every day — historical buildings, blooming gardens and fields, paintings, parties, carnivals, he even once volunteered to be a wedding photographer for a couple that couldn’t afford having one yet kindly let him stay at their place at that time.
Some of these were for his own pleasure, some were an interesting new experience, like that wedding, but for the most part it was for his job, so while he absolutely enjoyed every day spent working as a travel photographer, he always knew what he had to do, what was expected of him.
Sure, he also always had his creative freedom as long as he could complete the task well and impress whoever he was working for, but this was exactly the thing — there were always some sorts of expectations placed on his shoulders.
This isn’t Hyunjin’s proudest moment, but during photoshoots with Seungmin he couldn’t ever fully focus on the responsibility of being a good photographer, at least not for the entire time, because there would inevitably be a moment when he was just stunned by the beauty of his boyfriend and needed some time to start thinking straight again.
Seungmin was never just a model for him, and maybe Hyunjin shouldn’t have let feelings mess with his supposedly professional side, but it’s not like he could really do anything about it even if he tried, and oh did he try.
Now that Seungmin is looking at him with that bright smile and sparks dancing in his eyes, fingers still playing with the compass that he’s holding tight, something in Hyunjin’s brain just goes off and he can’t control it — it slips from him sooner than he realizes what is even happening.
Hyunjin stands like this for almost a minute, though it feels like an eternity to him, and he probably looks like an idiot from the side, but he couldn’t care less.
Usually, when his mind is wandering somewhere far from where he actually is, if he’s having a bad day or simply gets distracted by something, Hyunjin can still continue taking pictures, it’s a mindless habit that he developed over time, but it doesn’t work with Seungmin, at least not today.
He keeps staring at Seungmin through the camera, taking in every tiny change in his expression and going through all the sweet memories that they made together before life forced them to choose between two different kinds of pain.
It was perhaps the hardest choice that Hyunjin has ever made in his entire life, letting Seungmin go when he voiced his fear of getting into a long-distance relationship, but he never regretted it up until now — was this pain really any easier, any less piercing than what they would have to go through if they stayed together?
Hyunjin knows that Seungmin wasn’t alone after he left: unlike him, Seungmin was staying in a place that became his home, he had all his friends by his side and that master’s degree for him to dive deep into. Seungmin had all the means to stay distracted and slowly forget it all, get over the stinging pain in his heart, like Hyunjin convinced himself that he did, but was it something that he wanted to do or was it just forced like their breakup was, too?
He loves how unpredictable his life is, loves not knowing where he’s going to be in two or three months, but at the same time Hyunjin hates such uncertainty when it comes to his feelings and thoughts, and it pains him to look at Seungmin yet know nothing about what Seungmin truly feels and how the time after their breakup went for him.
Seungmin wouldn’t shy away from talking about it if Hyunjin asked, that isn’t something to doubt, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment earlier at the restaurant, so they both chose to take the familiar path and pretend that nothing happened — except it did happen, and now it almost feels weird to act as though they’re just old friends who have reunited after not seeing each other for a few years.
There isn’t anything awkward between them, Hyunjin is sure that nothing could ever make their relationship awkward, but that is also part of the problem — it’s clear that they have a lot to talk about, that they both long for the other, yet they keep walking around it, tiptoeing their way past the big elephant in the room.
If at first Hyunjin didn’t dare to assume anything, didn’t even notice the lingering fond glances and that blush on Seungmin’s cheeks, the way Seungmin is looking at him right now, being himself just like Hyunjin asked him to, makes him realize that he isn’t the only one still fighting with his feelings.
What kind of feelings Seungmin has for him remains a secret to uncover, that is true, but all these little pieces of a puzzle start coming together and forming a bigger picture — until a light touch on his shoulder brings Hyunjin back to reality.
Click.
He ends up taking a blurry picture of the trees where Seungmin stood just a minute earlier, startled, and nearly drops his camera, surprising Seungmin with such a bright reaction to something so simple like his touch.
Seungmin looks confused, but Hyunjin notices that he is also very hesitant about asking what happened, what made Hyunjin’s mind drift off to an unknown somewhere like this — it’s almost like there are certain invisible lines, borders between them that aren’t meant to be crossed, and Hyunjin hates it.
They have only just met, it’s barely been a few hours, and they don’t owe each other any explanation or any story about how things went while they were apart.
Hyunjin would easily accept it, just like he accepted and respected Seungmin’s decision to break up to save him from the hurt and longing that would surely come if they stayed in a long-distance relationship. He wouldn’t say a word if only Seungmin made it clear right now that there is nothing to talk about, that the comfort and beauty of today will follow the Cinderella path and disappear the moment the clock strikes midnight.
“What are you thinking about?” Seungmin asks quietly, hand still on his shoulder, and it takes Hyunjin everything to not just blurt out that he wants to kiss Seungmin right here because he could never cut the love out of his heart.
“A lot of old memories,” is all he says, however, sighing.
Technically, this isn’t a lie, because the look that Seungmin gave him a few minutes ago did bring back a lot of uninvited happy memories, from their old photoshoots that mostly ended with them making out, both needy for the other’s touch, to all the cozy warm evenings that they spent together.
And yet, something still stops Hyunjin from revealing the truth — this something being the fear that Seungmin doesn’t actually feel the same, as well as the fear of having to find that out through talking if he wants to do it at all.
It’s a strange feeling, but Hyunjin guesses that it also makes a lot of sense: he used to always be up for a talk about anything, serious or not, but something shattered in him after their breakup talk, so now he feels nervous, scared of bringing up serious things.
“Anything in particular occupying your mind?” though Seungmin doesn’t push him into talking about it, Hyunjin senses that he wants to hear it, so he closes his eyes and decides to take that leap of faith — again.
“You,” he breathes out his honest answer to that question. “I thought I could move on, but you’ve always been on my mind even when I thought that you weren’t, and having you here now— I’m sorry. I just think that you deserve to know it.”
It’s quiet for about thirty seconds, with the only sound around them being the birds chirping somewhere up on the trees, and then Seungmin takes his hand off Hyunjin’s shoulder, still silent.
Hyunjin finds it terrifying to open his eyes, so he just keeps them closed, even though his heart is beating somewhere by his throat at this point — maybe it’ll work for him just this once, maybe if he stays still and pretends that he doesn’t exist, all his problems and worries will go away?
He expects anything to happen next, knows that Seungmin has all the rights to just leave and maybe even block him after ruining such a sweet day, knows that Seungmin, being the kind soul he is, may choose to stay and simply laugh it off, but…
What Hyunjin doesn’t expect at all is for Seungmin to lean forward and leave a quick peck on his lips before taking the camera from his hands, definitely aware of the reaction that this is going to cause from Hyunjin.
Click.
When Hyunjin finally dares to open his eyes, he sees Seungmin waiting for him with a smile, holding his camera close while his own hands are trembling again — he usually doesn’t let the nervousness get the best of him, but it’s always been hard to control his emotions around Seungmin.
“Will it be a problem if you don’t finish your project today and take me to your place instead?”
And then Seungmin grins, shining like a Christmas tree, watching how Hyunjin slowly tries to make his brain process what has just happened.
It doesn’t really answer any of the million questions running through Hyunjin’s mind, they agreed years ago to not make any assumptions on behalf of the other and ask instead, but once Seungmin puts the camera back in its bag for Hyunjin and glances at him again, he remembers that actually he has to say something.
“No, I’m— leaving on Monday,” he finally manages to mutter. “It won’t be a problem at all.”
Words refuse to come, because he is still under the overwhelming effect of that simple peck that Seungmin gave him without any warning, but Hyunjin somehow forces himself to respond — he would hate seeing Seungmin’s happy grin fall at the lack of reaction from his side.
Hyunjin is utterly confused and his mind is a big mess of tangled thoughts and dusty yet still shiny feelings that he was hoping to bury during this time that they spent apart.
Even if he wanted, if he needed to submit his project pictures this evening or tomorrow morning, Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to do anything: though he is usually good at isolating his personal stuff from work-related things, this right now isn’t something that he can just toss under the rug in hopes that it’ll wait for him to be back.
Instead, it takes control of his mind, but it would be a lie to say that Hyunjin isn’t enjoying it or feels any fear in the face of it. There are so many things, all running through his mind at once, that he wants to do with, to Seungmin, ranging from the innocent and very important serious conversation to just kissing him senseless for hours on end to rediscover the bliss that kissing Seungmin brings, to even—
“Hey, it’s alright if you’re not up for… anything,” Seungmin gently touches his shoulder again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done this.”
Okay, seeing how Seungmin starts nervously biting his bottom lip, Hyunjin really wants to just pin him against the wall and do unthinkable things — it has nothing to do with what’s happening right now, or maybe it actually does?
At this point Hyunjin is sure about one thing only, and this is that he wants nothing more than to have Seungmin in his arms the way he always could before they had to part ways.
“You sure that you don’t need to pick anything up from your hotel?”
They skip whole sentences in this puzzle-like communication, but it’s not needed for them to understand each other on this day — Hyunjin doesn’t have to say that he wants to have Seungmin by his side for the rest of today and preferably actually forever, instead he shows it by reaching to take Seungmin’s hand in his.
In turn, Seungmin responds with a needy look, something that Hyunjin hasn’t seen in a very long time and couldn’t possibly hope to ever see again, and that is enough for both.
They need to talk about it, Hyunjin never lets this thought fly out of his head no matter how badly he wants to just kiss Seungmin right here, in the stuffy bus that they catch to the apartment he rented during his month in Rome, but the closer they get to that place, the more lost Hyunjin starts to feel about it.
It was a decision made in the heat of the moment, a sign that they read in each other’s eyes, but even though it is clearly something that they both want, to be together in this short daydream, a choice dictated by their hearts, it’s still almost terrifying to think about it.
Perhaps this isn’t even something to think about, maybe they should just go with the flow for once, let the river of emotions take them to the shore and trust it rather than try to build everything with their own hands again without checking in with their hearts first.
Perhaps the compass on Seungmin’s necklace is more than just a cute piece of jewelry, perhaps fate is actually a thing that works like magic sometimes, bringing people together and opening new doors?
“Seungmin, I—”
Hyunjin doesn’t finish that sentence and cuts it with a sigh, because he has no idea what he wants to say, whether there are any words that could convey what he’s currently feeling and thinking. Seungmin pretends that it didn’t even happen, choosing not to respond or react to it at all, but he gives Hyunjin’s hand a light squeeze which means that they’re on the same page with this.
Memories of the past come into Hyunjin’s head out of nowhere: them greeting the sunrise on the beach after Hyunjin’s very first attempt to do a fantasy-themed photoshoot, kissing the weekend away, spending the whole day in bed, unable to get enough of each other, cuddling under the blanket with Seungmin’s laptop placed over it and some romantic movie playing in the background…
He truly has been happy in these past few years, living on his own, not feeling tied to one place and instead free to explore the world, take in all of its beauty, but no matter how hard he tried, Hyunjin couldn’t ever fool his heart — he’s loved Seungmin all along, even though he deeply respected Seungmin’s decision to break up.
Now that Seungmin is here, right by his side again, holding his hand and rubbing circles on Hyunjin’s skin with his thumb, Hyunjin doesn’t care how childish and potentially dangerous, hurtful in the future it is: he wants to live in this moment, relish every second even if they have to part again on the very next morning.
He needs Seungmin, and luckily, this time he doesn’t have to assume anything because when he glances at Seungmin, he gets a subtle, barely noticeable but confident nod.
“Please stop me now if this isn’t what you truly want,” Seungmin breathes out once they finally reach the tiny apartment that Hyunjin has been renting for this past month.
The sky is starting to turn pink outside, and though it isn’t sunset time yet, those pink and orange rays blend together and paint the usually boring walls with golden shades that are nothing less than magic. When Hyunjin was browsing apartments for such a short period of time, he didn’t really have any expectations but this one stood out for him and instantly won over his heart: the view here may not be that great, but this colorful play is enough to beat everything else.
One of those rays lands on Seungmin’s cheek, making it impossible for Hyunjin to figure out if he’s blushing or if it’s just the sun reflecting on his face, and this is the moment when the last bits of self-control shatter inside for him.
He doesn’t have to stop Seungmin, doesn’t need to, because the only thing he wants and has missed for so long is having Seungmin in his arms again, listening to his heavy breathing and kissing, kissing, kissing him for hours on end.
“Come here,” he whispers, not trusting his voice to say it out loud.
In less than a second, Seungmin buries his head in Hyunjin’s shoulder, shivering, trembling from head to toe but not crying — he’s always been stronger than his emotions, and seeing him let things out like this is already a big privilege of trust that only a few people ever had.
For some time, they just stand like this by the door, with Seungmin holding onto him tight and Hyunjin leaving little kisses on top of his head as he rubs Seungmin’s back to reassure him that everything is okay.
Seungmin isn’t someone to show his vulnerability, even behind the closed doors, but in such intimate moments like this he can let his guard down and take off all the masks that are covering his true emotions. He takes a few deep breaths, still hiding his face from Hyunjin, and then slowly pulls away, but only to take a step back and press his back against the wall — Hyunjin’s own breath hitches at that.
Click.
It’s not the camera, however, that is safely hidden in his backpack and forgotten by the door, but Hyunjin’s mind that captures this image for it to become a vivid memory later. Seungmin knows it, has always known just how weak Hyunjin is for him being like that, when he doesn’t even need to do anything to look like Hyunjin’s most unrealistic favorite fever dream.
But it’s not enough for him to just drive Hyunjin crazy with this sight, by letting the golden and pink sun rays turn his figure into a painting on that plain wall, so he looks up, locking eyes with Hyunjin before licking his lips — nervous, but also inviting, too — and taking Hyunjin’s breath away completely with his next words.
“Kiss me,” he almost pleads, and suddenly it feels as though the two years apart didn’t even exist for them.
Hyunjin doesn’t make him wait any longer or ask again, he can’t wait himself too, and he strides forward, caging Seungmin between his arms and genuinely enjoying the way Seungmin looks at him — fond as ever, but at the same time so in love and impatient.
He blows his own expectations away when instead of giving Seungmin a hungry, passionate kiss, he captures Seungmin’s lips in a slow, tender kiss instead, sighing at the way Seungmin’s hands instantly find their way to his neck, just like it was between them before.
It is maybe the most cliché way of describing this feeling, and Hyunjin is well aware of that, but he can’t think of anything even close to it, mind hazy, full of Seungmin and Seungmin only: kissing him after so long feels like coming home, back to the warm embrace of his love, back to the comfort and pure bliss that being with Seungmin always was for him.
It’s just a sweet, borderline desperate, somewhat possessive but still sweet kiss. It should only be a kiss, but it makes Hyunjin go weak in his knees because of how much he missed this, how right and familiar it is to almost hear Seungmin’s heartbeat against his own ribcage as he unconsciously presses Seungmin even closer to the wall, now quite literally pinning him against it.
They still need to talk about it, this thought makes it to the back of Hyunjin’s mind again, but once he pulls away to catch his breath, just enough to leave a trail of gentle kisses down Seungmin’s jaw to his sensitive neck, Seungmin tugs at his long hair hard enough to make him come back up, and he forgets about everything.
Fire starts burning all over his body when Seungmin leans in for a deep kiss, because no one has kissed him like this since they broke up, no one kissed him at all since—
“Mhmm?” Seungmin whines into his mouth, surprised, confused, all at the same time, and this new sensation gives Hyunjin the same reaction.
He hasn’t kissed anyone since the time they exchanged one last bittersweet kiss with Seungmin two years ago — of course, this also means that he hasn’t kissed anyone since the moment he decided to get his tongue pierced. Hyunjin hasn’t really told anyone about it, just like he didn’t talk about his tattoos with anyone, it was just there, he did it around a year ago because he wanted to and by now having this piercing along with those in his ears has simply become a habit.
Until Seungmin decided to deepen the kiss.
Once Seungmin’s brain processes this, he lightly pushes Hyunjin back, just enough to look at him with wide eyes — and it’s such a funny yet at the same time heartwarming and cute scene that Hyunjin can’t resist leaning in again for a quick peck.
He wants nothing more than to dive in for another kiss, and it’s hard for him to stop himself from doing that when Seungmin’s lips are so close, glistening in the sun rays that fall right onto his face, but Seungmin is still staring at him in surprise, so he sighs and nods to confirm it.
This is definitely something that they’re going to have to discuss now, because otherwise Seungmin will remain frozen for minutes: he gets like this sometimes, just silently asking for an explanation that he can’t find words for.
All the previous confidence that Seungmin had in him when he took the initiative is now gone, instead he rests both hands on Hyunjin’s shoulders, gripping them so tight as though he’s just heard that Hyunjin is an alien, no more and no less than this, and didn’t simply find out that he now has a tongue piercing. It’s cute.
“Hey, it’s just me,” Hyunjin smiles at him, at which Seungmin gulps. “Sorry for not telling you sooner, I almost forgot that it was relevant, I couldn’t hope for— Was it uncomfortable?”
When he read about the potential pros and cons of getting his tongue pierced, he obviously came across the articles and forums discussing whether it was a hot or a gross thing. It’s not like Hyunjin cared about it, he was doing it for himself in the first place, but most people seemed to find it hot and some simply commented that no one would really even feel it if the person was a good kisser.
Hyunjin may be confident about many things in his life, but he can’t say with pride and joy on his face that he’s a great kisser — he has no idea whether it’s true, even though Seungmin has told him that many times before and was always left breathless after they kissed. He hates overthinking stuff, but Seungmin’s reaction is very hard to read, just like his still confused expression, and it could be both a good and a bad thing, so he decides it is best to ask.
Seungmin instantly comes back to his senses and shakes his head.
“No, I… liked it,” he admits, now suddenly all shy and blushing again. “I just have no idea how to do this. What if I hurt you somehow?”
It’s true that sometimes they would get really carried away with the passion that they shared through the heated kisses, but it also isn’t supposed to be any different from what they were used to now — it’s just a piercing, after all. Hyunjin made sure that it healed well, and though it might take a few kisses for Seungmin to get used to it, he mastered not noticing that there is a piercing in his mouth at all long ago.
“You’re not going to hurt me,” Hyunjin assures and leans a little closer to kiss him on the nose, innocent and quick. “It’s all healed, I’ve had it for over a year, so it should all be good. But if at any point it does hurt you, please tell me right away, okay?”
“Okay,” Seungmin whispers, but he still looks a little hesitant, so Hyunjin has to take things into his own hands, and he can’t say that he didn’t miss that.
“Now get back here, we weren’t done with it yet.”
He waits for Seungmin to blink at him and then finally connects their lips again, this time not as hungry, patient, giving Seungmin time to adapt to the unfamiliar feeling. Just the fact that they’re kissing again already sends goosebumps all over his body, but when Seungmin dares to play with his tongue, careful yet curious, Hyunjin barely holds back a moan of pleasure that fills his entire chest.
Seungmin nearly melts in his arms, still holding onto his shoulders to steady himself because he is trembling now, and Hyunjin absolutely loves how pliant Seungmin goes under his touch, loves that even the tiniest details make his eyelashes flutter and his breath hitch.
Kissing Seungmin like this is one of the biggest pleasures that Hyunjin has ever felt in his life, and it all feels even stronger after spending two years apart while still carrying the love for each other in their hearts.
They barely even talk: every time Hyunjin pulls away to catch his breath and opens his mouth to say something, Seungmin immediately kisses him again. Hyunjin has no idea how much time is spent like this, with them just making out by that same wall without moving anywhere, but he certainly wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the day, month, spending a whole year kissing his own name along with the needy whines and occasional high-pitched moans away from Seungmin’s lips.
Hyunjin feels ecstatic when Seungmin lets him take all the control in his hands yet still guides him with subtle gestures like pulling at his hair. Though Seungmin hasn’t previously seen him with long hair, only in pictures on his Instagram, perhaps, if he ever checked it, they both quickly learn that if Seungmin tugs at his hair harder, it means that he craves another deep, wet kiss, and if he just lets his fingers play with the blond strands, Hyunjin knows that it’s a sign to slow down.
Words seem big and scary in this perfect moment, so neither of them says anything as they mix quiet love confessions shared through gentle, slow kisses with passionate and heated ones that convey the longing and fear in their hearts better than talking could right now.
The peaceful illusion is way too fragile to ruin it with a conversation, no matter what it would be about, and Hyunjin understands why exactly Seungmin avoids it once he feels warm fingers slip under his shirt — because he is the same.
It’s awfully uncharacteristic for Seungmin to reject every Hyunjin’s attempt to talk, even when those are merely attempts to ask something about whether he’s comfortable and not bring up something more serious. Usually, he would always be the one insisting on solving everything through words, even if it was unpleasant, even if it felt awkward at first, and it was actually him who truly taught Hyunjin the importance of communication.
Seungmin is extremely vulnerable right now, with his heart and soul wide open, and the way he just silently insists that they keep kissing with no words exchanged says a lot about how scared he is of the uncertainty between them too, like Hyunjin himself is.
He refuses to move from the wall even though it can’t possibly be comfortable for him to stay like this even in the heat of this moment, even with his head so clouded, because being caged in Hyunjin’s arms, with their bodies pressed together almost impossibly close, makes him feel safe.
Just like Hyunjin, he has no idea where they stand and what comes next, and so he wants to prolong the moment of not caring about it, too scared that things won’t work out this time too regardless of whether they decide to part ways again or stay together.
It is clear that Seungmin doesn’t want to let go of him, not again, but he is afraid of voicing that, so afraid that he keeps shivering, both from how good he feels and because of this, and so Hyunjin has to make the difficult decision on behalf of them both.
Or rather, he simply gives up any attempts to try and talk, instead follows the rules that Seungmin silently begs for and only kisses him again, nipping at his bottom lip a little harder than he intended to once Seungmin places both hands under his shirt.
It makes Seungmin moan, but the way his hands roam up and down Hyunjin’s back, chaotic, almost uncontrollable, nails pressing into the skin — unconscious action, and still — causes Hyunjin to moan too, and the sound echoing from the walls feels like a bright explosion.
Hyunjin licks at the bite that he left, gentle as ever, before he starts kissing his way down Seungmin’s jaw again, and this time Seungmin doesn’t interrupt him, instead he just whimpers when Hyunjin’s already plump and now also swollen lips touch him right behind the ear — and then he bucks his hips.
“Holy hell,” is the only thing Hyunjin can manage when this happens, but he takes it as a sign to slow down for real.
This is for sure one of the most difficult things that he ever had to do, especially with Seungmin looking at him with shiny eyes, hair a complete mess, cheeks burning, especially with how Seungmin’s hands still stay on his back even as he carefully tries to pull away.
Hyunjin remembers how it can go, he knows that Seungmin will most likely start overthinking things and maybe even feeling embarrassed because of his behavior that was dictated by the lust taking over his brain, but.
At the same time, Hyunjin also knows that if they don’t stop now, if he doesn’t take this responsibility, they may both end up hurting each other — he would absolutely love to take things into bed in more than just the literal sense right now, but they can’t, they shouldn’t, not on this evening.
“Seungminnie, look at me please,” he asks in a gentle whisper as he lifts Seungmin’s chin up. “I want you too, so badly that I don’t know how to hold back, but you and me both understand that it’s not the best time — not yet.”
Though Seungmin’s eyes show no understanding of that at the moment, Hyunjin knows that deep inside Seungmin agrees with this, and that is why he lets Hyunjin take both his hands and lead him to where the bed is. It’s not too big, just enough for one person to sleep comfortably or two people to cuddle, but it’s soft, it’s fresh and it’s something that they both need.
“Can you… take off your shirt?” Seungmin mumbles once he crawls onto the bed, back pressed against the wall again. “I want to feel you.”
Seungmin looks adorable when he blushes like this, but Hyunjin genuinely admires him for getting over the shyness and actually saying what he wants and needs — when they were together, speaking about such things became a lot easier for him, but now that it’s been so long, it’s understandable that he struggles with it again.
But since the control is back in Hyunjin’s hands, even though he wants to give Seungmin what he’s asking for, he goes for a bit of teasing instead.
“You can take it off yourself,” he offers as he scoots over to be closer to Seungmin, who blushes even brighter at this.
Seungmin thinks about it for a few seconds before he nods and starts to slowly undress Hyunjin, fingers trembling slightly because of how overwhelming it all is and how much he wants to continue already, to at least have their bodies close, skin to skin.
It only makes sense, and Hyunjin is honestly burning to take Seungmin’s clothes off too, because when words fail or stay held back behind the heavily guarded fences, touches take their place, and there’s nothing more sincere than touching someone’s bare skin.
Hyunjin is a bit nervous as it’s been a while since they saw each other like this, first topless and then only in underwear, hell, it’s been two years since they last spoke in real life, let alone touched each other like this, but the excitement for what’s to come, even if he doesn’t know what exactly that is, overweighs everything else.
“You look… gorgeous,” Seungmin whispers and reaches his hand out.
Hyunjin freezes for a second, muscles tensing against his will, but instantly relaxes when Seungmin brushes his fingers over the compass tattoo on his chest, almost right under his heart.
It’s a small one, still relatively fresh: he got it in London a few months ago, not because or for Seungmin, but for himself and his own dream of traveling the world yet keeping his inner compass in check, though it would be a lie to say that he didn’t think about Seungmin at all when he walked into that tattoo parlor with the idea and a sketch.
He doesn’t have many tattoos yet, and only one of those is on his chest while all the other inked pictures and memories are scattered across his body, but Seungmin takes his time getting himself familiar with each of them through careful touches.
And yet, somewhat predictably, to be fair, he ends up coming back to the compass tattoo quite soon.
“It’s beautiful,” Seungmin breathes out, looking genuinely fascinated by that tattoo. “It looks amazing on you. I want to— Can I straddle you?”
One thing that Seungmin is always confident about is his desires, whether sexual or not, and even though he may struggle with voicing them sometimes, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know what he wants.
Where Seungmin taught him to talk about problems, wishes and boundaries, Hyunjin, in turn, showed him how important it is to also not be afraid of using words for this, and this thought makes him smile as he nods and switches their positions so that now he is sitting by the wall.
Seungmin barely waits for him to get comfortable and pulls him in for another kiss right away, only this time it’s nothing more but a chaste touch of lips, with them both sighing in pleasure at this.
It shouldn’t be surprising that Seungmin still remembers all his sensitive spots and knows how exactly to touch him to make Hyunjin feel good, but as Seungmin’s hands slowly travel down, past Hyunjin’s collarbones and to his chest and nipples, he can barely hold back the quiet moans that this elicits.
They exchange slow but brief kisses, sweet and full of love along with all the unspoken scary words, but their hands tell their bodies a story about longing and despair, about missing the other so much that it hurt, and it’s anything but innocent at this point.
Hyunjin can’t really believe that when he woke up this morning, all that he had planned for the day was visiting a few restaurants and cafes to find inspiration for his project, and now he is kissing Kim Seungmin, the love of his life that he never hoped to see again.
What shocks him even more, even after so many kisses, is that it was actually Seungmin who started all this, and right now, too, it is Seungmin who looks so wrecked and desperate to keep touching Hyunjin everywhere he can reach.
He didn’t doubt that Seungmin would miss him too, after all, that was the main reason for them to break up, the pain that being in a long-distance relationship would bring him, but Hyunjin also wanted to believe that Seungmin knew what he was doing.
You can’t give orders to your heart and tell it to stop loving someone, that is true, but Seungmin has always been good at letting things and people go, so Hyunjin expected, secretly wanted Seungmin to succeed with that too.
It’s not like Hyunjin dreamed of Seungmin erasing him from his life, of course not, just like he couldn’t ever forget Seungmin himself, always trying to convince himself that he was happy on his own yet failing every time — he was happy, he still definitely is, but it’s just not the same without Seungmin.
However, Hyunjin wouldn’t ever want Seungmin to go through any kind of pain, and if replacing the thoughts about him with something else could help Seungmin feel better, Hyunjin would respect that sacrifice.
This is why he is utterly surprised to find out just how badly Seungmin longs to be with him right now and how difficult it is for him to control that desire. It’s just a chance meeting, and Hyunjin is absolutely sure that neither of them would dare to make a move if it didn’t happen, but for a second he lets the crazy thought of it being nothing less than fate cross his mind.
He feels the scary and cold realization creep up his body that he was technically supposed to leave earlier, which means that if he didn’t accept the offer to work on this project, none of this would be possible right now.
It makes Hyunjin gulp and he can’t help the need to pull Seungmin even closer, placing both hands on his hips and almost pressing their chests together as he tries to express this fear in a passionate wet kiss that gets Seungmin whimpering in his mouth.
“You know,” Hyunjin mutters moments later, nipping at Seungmin’s neck lightly once they pull apart to catch their breath. “I feel like tattoos would look good on you too.”
Hyunjin has no idea what made him say this or even just think about it, but the way Seungmin looked at his tattoos, with sparkling eyes and trembling fingers, sparked the image of Seungmin getting something inked on his body.
Seungmin never really brought that topic up himself, but he fully supported Hyunjin’s desire to get a few tattoos after university and also used some temporary ones for fun whenever Hyunjin would buy a bunch of those, so it’s at least safe to suggest it out loud.
“I actually have one.”
Seungmin giggles at the way Hyunjin bites him a little harder upon hearing this, but this giggle quickly turns into a moan, so he tugs at Hyunjin’s hair again to get his attention back to his face. Hyunjin blinks a few times, still a bit confused with this unexpected reveal, because how could he possibly miss it when he was undressing Seungmin with his own hands just minutes ago?
“Hold on, I don’t want to…” Seungmin trails off, suddenly shy again, but Hyunjin gets what he means without words anyway. “I got a tattoo last year, yeah. It’s a small one, because I didn’t feel ready for anything serious, but I love how it turned out.”
“Will you show me?” Hyunjin can already read the answer to that on Seungmin’s face but he still decides to ask.
“Nope,” Seungmin shakes his head. “But I’m sure that you’ll be able to find it on your own if you kiss me some more.”
It sounds like Seungmin is challenging him, and oh does Hyunjin love a good challenge, so the very next moment Seungmin yelps and bursts out giggling again when Hyunjin switches their positions so that now it’s him hovering over Seungmin and not the other way around.
Seungmin doesn’t let him do anything, though, instead makes grabby hands and then snakes them around Hyunjin’s neck, making him lean down for perhaps the millionth kiss of this evening that has slowly turned into a warm night.
He hasn’t really paid any attention to the sun setting outside, but the dark sky doesn’t look confusing to him at all — Hyunjin simply doesn’t care about it right now, when all his focus is on Seungmin’s beautiful body underneath him, when the room almost smells of kisses and the air is so thick with longing and tenderness mixed with lust.
“I guess I’ll have to kiss every centimeter of your body to find out where that tattoo is,” he murmurs against Seungmin’s skin, lips grazing his collarbone, and he absolutely enjoys the way those words make Seungmin shiver.
“I… I wouldn’t mind that,” Seungmin pants out.
But when Hyunjin lets himself suck on the skin right under Seungmin’s collarbone, he whimpers in pleasure and lets his head fall onto the pillow, revealing the tiny flower tattoo behind his ear.
It looks very delicate on that spot, Hyunjin thinks as he traces it with his fingers, not even noticing the happy grin on Seungmin’s face, and it’s not at all strange that he hasn’t noticed it earlier — he was a bit too busy kissing Seungmin there with his eyes closed to see something like that.
“It suits you,” Hyunjin whispers and gently bites at his earlobe. “A beautiful flower just like you are.”
It might sound a bit cheesy, but Seungmin still seems to like the compliment, smiling before he takes both Hyunjin’s hands in his and intertwines their fingers.
He looks a little nervous as he takes a deep breath, and it’s clear to Hyunjin that he wants to say something but finds it difficult, so he brings their interlocked hands up to his lips and kisses Seungmin’s knuckles gently in hopes for it to be a reassuring gesture.
Luckily, it appears that Seungmin is just as weak for it as he was all those years ago, because it works, though he still blushes and nearly starts to stutter once he opens his mouth.
“Gosh, this is going to sound so embarrassing, but…” Seungmin averts his gaze and only then finishes his phrase that turns out to be a request. “Can you please— Can you use your piercing too? I really want to know how it feels not only when we’re kissing but on my body too.”
He doesn’t have to ask for it twice, and in a second Hyunjin brings his lips back to Seungmin’s chest, first kissing over the faint bite under his collarbone and then leaving a trail of a few more wet kisses all the way down to his nipples. Hyunjin knows that it is also one of his most sensitive spots, and he’s also fully aware that Seungmin was hinting at this with that question of his, simply too shy to actually say it out loud and perhaps hoping that Hyunjin would understand.
And Hyunjin does understand: though he wants to pretend that he doesn’t get it just to make Seungmin guide him with more details, he believes that tonight isn’t the best time for more teasing and licks over one of Seungmin’s nipples, pressing on it with his piercing just like Seungmin asked.
Hyunjin never thought about it, since he didn’t really expect to date anyone after Seungmin, didn’t want to yet also believed that things were forever over with him too. However, the way Seungmin squirms under his touch makes him realize that there sure are more ways to use the metal barbell in his tongue, other than it just being a nice piece of jewelry.
“Ahh, no, wait!” Seungmin cries out when Hyunjin does it again, this time also twisting his other nipple — just the way he loves it. “I’m gonna—”
Hyunjin immediately halts everything once he hears Seungmin asking for it, and maybe it takes all his willpower to stop and not go any further when Seungmin is panting so heavily beneath him, a blushing, trembling mess, but he knows that they shouldn’t go on with it.
Yes, this is something that they both want, but doing it tonight would be a big mistake and this is also something that they both understand no matter how much their bodies gravitate together, no matter how tempting it feels to take things even further.
It’s dangerous, because after chasing the high pleasure people inevitably experience a drop from that hill too, and it can’t be an infinite moment of happiness and bliss. They still have a heavy conversation floating around them in the room, just about to descend on their shoulders at any second, and this isn’t something that can be avoided forever — it’s not like them, too.
If he makes Seungmin come right now, he will most definitely turn into a ball of overthinking and regretting things regardless of how much they want to continue, and they really don’t need that.
The moment is a fragile bubble that provided them with shelter from all the thoughts for a few hours, but it can’t stay like this, so Hyunjin nods and scoots over to be next to Seungmin again, face to face, and then pulls him in for a hug.
The room isn’t cold, only a little bit chilly now that the fresh night air gets inside through the open window, but Hyunjin still suggests in a quiet whisper that they should get under the blanket — he can see little goosebumps all over Seungmin’s arms and shivers too. Neither of them even noticed that the window was open as they were making out and constantly touching each other, yet now even the silence feels loud, so little things like this become brighter too.
“Hyunjin, I…” Seungmin tries weakly, but Hyunjin cuts him off with a quick peck — now is still not the time for it.
“Shh, later, okay?”
Seungmin looks unsure but only for a moment, and then he nods slowly before stealing another kiss, and then one more, this time deeper but also gentler, nothing like the heated messy kisses they’ve exchanged minutes ago.
That kiss conveys Seungmin’s fears and uncertainty, as well as his desire to just cling onto Hyunjin and be back in the time when they didn’t need to make such big decisions or worry that things won’t work out again.
Hyunjin feels the same, so he doesn’t comment on it and only lets Seungmin silently ask for one kiss after another, unable to get enough of that, until they both start to feel tiredness wash over them as the wave of excitement and passion slowly dies down, instead giving place to comfort and quiet.
He holds Seungmin close as they continue to kiss, but soon Seungmin has no other choice but to pull away and rest his head on the pillow, looking at Hyunjin with drowsy eyes that still shine with little stars of fondness — or maybe Hyunjin is actually the only one who can see this.
“I don’t want to sleep,” Seungmin admits, voice barely above a whisper, but his tired face says otherwise. “But I know that my body does.”
“Let’s take a little nap,” Hyunjin offers and yawns right after. “If you don’t have anywhere to be tonight or in the morning, I mean.”
He only realizes now that they both actually have plans, things to do and places to be, and even though he’d love to spend the rest of his life just cuddling with Seungmin, that’s not how things work. There is still a project to finish tomorrow for him and some packing to do for the next trip, and Seungmin…
“Nope, I’ll stay,” he nods, and for some reason it brings relief to Hyunjin when Seungmin shifts even closer and leaves a little kiss on his neck before hiding his face there.
It doesn’t feel real at all, almost as though it’s a crystal happy dream where everything is good and goes exactly the way Hyunjin always wanted to, but he can’t do anything to stay in it longer, so he lets his brain take him to sleep.
Somehow, with Seungmin in his arms Rome feels even more beautiful — and Hyunjin couldn’t care less that he can’t even see anything in the dark room, because he sees and feels it with his heart.
////
Hyunjin wakes up three hours later because of his stomach rumbling and demanding food, and while it usually takes him some time to connect with the reality around him, his sleepiness is gone in a blink once he realizes that it wasn’t a dream and that Seungmin is actually sleeping soundly by his side.
He looks adorable like this, still resting his head on Hyunjin’s chest and pouting cutely, but Hyunjin knows that he can’t let himself stay in bed any longer even if it’s to admire his favorite sight ever.
They haven’t eaten since late lunchtime, and though he didn’t feel any hunger that wasn’t for Seungmin’s lips earlier, now Hyunjin can sense that he’s going to have a bad stomachache if he doesn’t eat anything soon.
The same must go for Seungmin too, so he carefully crawls out of bed, timing every move so that he doesn’t disturb Seungmin’s sleep sooner than the food is ready, and then heads to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the last bits of sleepiness.
It only dawns on him here that he doesn’t have any food prepared since he was planning to eat out all day, which means that he’ll have to quickly fix something for them and makes him close the window too — he was hoping to just reheat something and go back to bed, so he didn’t bother to put on any clothes.
Hyunjin partly regrets getting out of the room in nothing but underwear, but going back for clothes would definitely wake Seungmin up, and now Hyunjin wants to give him more time to enjoy the warmth of the bed.
He decides to go for pasta — it’s easy and quick to make, takes minimum effort compared to other dishes, and, well, they’re in Rome, after all.
It’s around three or four in the morning, he hasn’t checked his phone yet, truthfully, he doesn’t even know where he left it and guesses that it must be in his backpack along with the camera. When that thought comes to his mind, Hyunjin has to push it away because he can now barely fight the urge to go grab his camera and snap a few pictures of Seungmin sleeping — he doesn’t know if he has any right to do this, so he refuses to think about it any longer.
Everything is quiet outside, and it’s Hyunjin’s favorite time to be awake, so he almost unconsciously starts humming a random melody as he prepares all the ingredients, which are basically whatever is left in the fridge since he is supposed to move out tomorrow.
It’s not going to be the best thing that he’s ever cooked, that’s for sure, but it will be edible and this is the only thing that matters: there is still a very long time before they can go out to eat somewhere or order food inside, so pasta will do for now.
Soon after the water starts boiling, though, Hyunjin hears some shuffling that comes from the room and knows that Seungmin must’ve felt that the bed was too big and unfamiliar — or maybe he woke up because Hyunjin was no longer beside him.
Either way, Seungmin soon joins him in the kitchen, and even though Hyunjin stands by the stove with his back facing the kitchen doorway, he can feel it in the air just how hesitant Seungmin is at the moment.
Hyunjin doesn’t pressure him into doing anything and lets him take his time, pretends that he didn’t even hear the quiet footsteps and keeps humming the same melody as he checks the pasta. Seungmin sighs, and this little sound is like thunder in the peaceful kitchen with its dim lights and cozy plants placed all around it.
He waits for another moment, now checking on the bacon in the pan, and his patience is suddenly rewarded with a hesitant backhug which makes him freeze as Seungmin rests both hands on his bare stomach. Hyunjin can feel some kind of fabric on his skin, and when he glances down, he can confirm that Seungmin carelessly (or maybe he did it on purpose) threw on one of his flannels after getting out of bed.
This gentle hug speaks volumes in the intimacy of the quiet kitchen that has almost become dear to Hyunjin’s heart with all the nights he spent here, and neither of them rushes to break that moment — until the pasta is ready and there is no need to stand by the stove anymore.
Even so, as Hyunjin finishes up the last bits, making sure that it’s good to eat, Seungmin tails after him like a puppy, and it makes Hyunjin smile because he used to call Seungmin that all the time when they were together.
They need to talk about everything, but Hyunjin can’t bring himself to start this conversation, and neither can Seungmin, so once the pasta is all ready and served, they simply exchange a tender, slow kiss before sitting down to enjoy the food.
“I hope you don’t mind that I took your shirt,” Seungmin is the first one to break the silence between them. “I didn’t want to put on my clothes again, they need a wash.”
“It’s alright,” Hyunjin shrugs, and though he tries to resist it, he still fails. “You look cute in my clothes. I love seeing you steal my shirts anyway.”
It doesn’t really make any sense, because they’re almost the same size, but they like different styles of clothing, so Hyunjin’s clothes really just look… cute on him.
When Hyunjin realizes that he said love instead of loved, it’s already too late to worry about it, but Seungmin seems to pay it no mind and it gives Hyunjin a spark of hope.
“I saw a few more that I loved, so I might steal them too,” Seungmin jokes, making warmth spread through Hyunjin’s chest with those words.
But they can’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room, not anymore, and maybe this time it’s Hyunjin’s turn to start the heavy, scary conversation, so that’s what he does, but not before taking Seungmin’s hand in his and leaving a little kiss on the back of it.
Seungmin squeezes his hand, as though to encourage him, and it serves as a sign for Hyunjin to say the difficult words that he could never really imagine himself saying to Seungmin again even just yesterday morning.
“Minnie, I…” he stumbles over his words once he realizes that he just called Seungmin Minnie, but quickly continues. “I think that we need to talk about everything that happened, about us.”
“We do,” Seungmin echoes with a nod and holds his hand tighter. “Can we go back to bed?”
Usually, Hyunjin would refuse to take such conversations anywhere near their bed, but the thing is, this isn’t their bed and after one more night it won’t be Hyunjin’s either, so he doesn’t mind — as long as Seungmin feels comfortable this way.
The blanket still holds the warmth of Seungmin’s body even after around half an hour that it’s been since he got out of bed, and it feels nice to lie down again, looking at each other as they hold hands under the blanket.
“Being without you didn’t really work for me,” Seungmin admits after a minute spent in silence with them just admiring each other’s faces. “I couldn’t know it, though I could guess, and I hoped that it would bring me less pain than us being in a long-distance relationship, but it… It just didn’t work. I wasn’t ready for any of that when the time came for you to leave, even though I knew that it would have to happen one day, so I ended up making the choice that eventually turned out to be a mistake.”
“I don’t think there was any right choice at that time in the first place,” Hyunjin says with a sigh and they both know that it’s true.
At the end of the day, both of these decisions would come with their own pain, but what they feel about it now doesn’t detract from how important, terrifying and unclear it was for them two years ago. For Seungmin at that time parting ways was easier, and Hyunjin had to respect that, even if later they ended up missing each other terribly and only constantly lying to themselves that it was alright.
“I wanted to text you, you know,” Seungmin mutters and reaches his free hand to trace Hyunjin’s face and brush a stray strand of hair off his eyes. “Sometimes I even typed messages but then always ended up deleting them. Because I didn’t know what to say. Because I didn’t know if you still wanted to talk to me. I was scared. The last time I did this was right before coming here, because I thought that you’d like to hear about it, but then I decided that it was… stupid to hope that you would care about this. It’s just been so long, and I couldn’t know if you were like me, who couldn’t get you out of my mind.”
Hyunjin’s heart does a flip at these words and the infinite tenderness behind Seungmin’s gesture. So it turns out that Seungmin didn’t only remember him, that Seungmin also thought about him often and held their memories close, but it just… never seemed to work, because the fear was stronger than hope after such a big decision as breaking up.
Could them meeting so randomly in such a big city on such a huge planet really be fate, after all? Is life willing to give them a second chance, but, more importantly, are they willing to try again or were all the desperate kisses yesterday just a way to say goodbye for real this time?
“I never stopped loving you,” Hyunjin confesses once Seungmin gives him a subtle nod to show that he doesn’t have much else to say. “I was happy, because I finally got to become what I’ve always wanted to be, but… It just wasn’t the same without you, even though I believed that I would get over it, even convinced myself that I did at some point. But when we stopped talking, I didn’t know anything anymore, so I also never dared to text you first when you clearly stated that you didn’t want it to hurt too much before we parted ways. I wanted you to be happy, with or without me, but my own happiness was never completely genuine without you.”
“Hyunjin?” Seungmin calls out his name quietly even though they’re just centimeters apart. “Can we try again?.. I don’t think I can handle being without you any longer, especially not when I know that you still love me too.”
And Hyunjin really, really wants to give him an immediate yes, but he can’t magically solve the problem of having to be in a long-distance relationship just like he can’t give everything up and come back to their home country. He knows that Seungmin won’t follow him too, he simply isn’t made for the life of uncertainty and constant adventures, and that is totally okay, but—
“I want to try again, I really do,” Seungmin continues as he notices how hesitant Hyunjin is with his answer. “I already know how painful it is to be away from you, not even knowing how you’re doing except for when you make a new post in your blog. But I don’t believe that being in a long-distance relationship can hurt me more than this did, not anymore. We can still see each other at times, right?”
It will be difficult, Hyunjin knows that, but Seungmin is right, and it would be a horrible lie if he said that he doesn’t want to do it for Seungmin — with Seungmin.
“I love you,” he whispers and leans in to capture Seungmin’s lips in a tender kiss, through which he hopes to convey everything that he wasn’t able to tell Seungmin in those two years.
“That is a yes, right?” Seungmin asks as he gives Hyunjin’s bottom lip a light nip, and his voice is laced with so much hope that Hyunjin feels scared that his own heart will burst with overwhelming emotions at any moment.
“Absolutely, yes,” Hyunjin smiles when Seungmin grins at that. “I’m not letting you go again. Not like this.”
Seungmin beams at him but doesn’t say anything back, and for a few minutes they just lie next to each other, fingers still intertwined yet not moving, absorbing the comfortable silence of the room and just giving each other time to process the talk that they just had.
In the end, it wasn’t as scary as Hyunjin expected it to be, but he definitely needs a while to calm down the frantic beating of his heart and fully realize that this means that Seungmin is now his boyfriend again.
It reminds him about one very important thing that he just kept forgetting to mention — at first it didn’t seem relevant and after there was simply no time for this, but right now Hyunjin knows that it can bring a change, and a positive one.
“After my trip to Prague… I’m taking some time off to visit my family,” he shares. “We can catch up on everything that we missed in those two years while I’m home, finally spend time together again.”
“I—” Seungmin takes a second to understand it before he leaves a quick kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek. “I don’t know if you’ll like this idea, but… What if I come to Prague with you? I’ve just graduated, I don’t have a job yet, so no one is really waiting for me back home except for friends and family. My savings aren’t big, but they’ll be enough to just be with you.”
“What about your plans in Rome though?” Hyunjin finds himself a little confused.
“Screw the plans,” Seungmin responds with a laugh. “There’s nothing I want more right now than to be with you, regardless of where that is. I think I’d be ready to follow you to another planet if that was necessary, I just— missed you too much to let go so easily. Maybe we can come back to Rome for a few days before we fly home?”
Hyunjin finds that extremely adorable and touching, and this time he doesn’t hold back the desire to say it out loud, which makes Seungmin giggle again and it’s nothing if not music for Hyunjin’s ears.
“You’re still my cute clingy puppy,” he jokes, and the petname slips from his lips so naturally that he can barely control it, but if anything, Seungmin just keeps grinning.
“I am,” Seungmin hums and snuggles even closer. “Can we sleep a little longer? There are still things that I want to do in Rome before we leave, and I wouldn’t want to be sleepy during the day.”
“Of course we can. By the way, I love you,” Hyunjin whispers in his ear and leaves a kiss over the flower tattoo that Seungmin has behind it.
Click.
When Seungmin mumbles the same words back, already dozing off again after having pasta in the middle of the night along with such a big conversation, Hyunjin’s heart captures this moment forever.
It turns out, sometimes you have to break your compass first for it to show you the right way to where your heart belongs. Hyunjin had to learn this lesson the hard way, and yet, he wouldn’t trade this experience for anything else in the whole white world.