Work Text:
"This is the last of it," Wonbin tells Sungchan as he hands over the final box of his things. It's just some tiny items Sungchan forgot to pack when he moved out, mostly things he gave to Wonbin that Wonbin doesn't want to keep.
They stand outside the door. Sungchan didn't want to come inside and take up more of Wonbin's time. It's seven in the evening, and he knows Wonbin is on his way to work. Typical Sungchan, Wonbin thinks.
Dressed in his usual office suit that brings out his looks, Sungchan works for one of the biggest banks in the country. He always makes sure that his clothes are pressed and crisp. Even though it's the end of the day, his hair is still perfectly brushed to the sides, just like he always does. He's always been dashing and put-together since Wonbin met him. Wonbin is glad that Sungchan is still the same. He's relieved that Sungchan seems to have his life together and isn't struggling day by day, unlike himself.
"I should get going," Sungchan says when Wonbin says nothing else. He didn't know what to say to his ex-boyfriend, anyway.
Wonbin should have done this earlier. He shouldn't have dragged it out and waited six months before clearing the apartment of things related to Sungchan. Shotaro was right. The sooner he gets rid of Sungchan's things, the sooner he can say his final goodbye and move on.
Although, in hindsight, he believes a final goodbye isn't necessary. Everything was pretty clear the night Sungchan left. Sungchan isn’t big with words. He always struggled to express himself, so Wonbin learned to analyze his actions through the years. He mostly showed affection through the things he did. He would be all over Wonbin, kissing and hugging him if he was happy. If he’s quiet, Wonbin was sure he’s mad. If he did something that would piss Wonbin off, he would be making jokes about it.
"I should, too," Wonbin says, looking up at Sungchan and then at the ground. Six months is a long time. It should be enough for Wonbin to heal his wounds. However, he guesses it still wasn't enough time to get over the only serious relationship he’s had. He can't hold eye contact with Sungchan for too long. "I'm closing shift today."
Sungchan nods. "It's a Friday. Taeyong-hyung will not like it if you're late."
Wonbin looks back up at him and finds Sungchan's eyes locked on his. He recognizes that look. Sungchan is shy but trying to be brave. It reminds him of three years ago when Sungchan first approached Wonbin and tried to initiate a conversation. He was so awkward, his hands visibly shaking, but he held his ground and pushed through. It’s one of the things about Sungchan that Wonbin found endearing.
This time around, Wonbin is the one trying to stand his ground. He needs to be strong because showing Sungchan that he's okay and moving on is the right thing to do. Wonbin shouldn't dwell on the past; they're both trying to move forward.
Wonbin glances down at his digital wristwatch. He really should get going. Now that he's living alone, he can't afford to waste any more time. Every minute counts. He doesn't have the luxury of spending Sunday mornings in bed, free from the worry of paying rent on time for the month. He can't sit in the studio, staring at a blank canvas, with someone cheering him on and saying, "It's okay. Inspiration will come to you eventually." He'd rather hand out skincare brand flyers in Myeongdong or work as a fake boyfriend during the day. He's on his own now. He has no one to share the burden with anymore.
"Take care on your way back," Wonbin finally says, forcing a smile. This is it. He won't see Sungchan again after this.
Sungchan smiles back genuinely, not putting on a facade. He's doing really well. Wonbin feels a pang in his chest. "You too."
*
The past few weeks have been like a never-ending storm for Sungchan and Wonbin. They're stuck in a constant cycle of fights, and it's become so chaotic that they can't even pinpoint the reasons behind their arguments. It's as if the universe is conspiring to keep them locked in this bitter struggle.
They've been in a relationship for three years. Being together that long and living together for a whole year, you would think they have already figured each other out. But the past few weeks have been particularly difficult for them. Their love for each other seems buried beneath layers of harsh words and unresolved issues.
It all started with something as trivial as Sungchan's dirty socks scattered on the floor.
"How many times do I have to tell you to pick up after yourself?!" Wonbin yelled at Sungchan. He was fed up with Sungchan's morning mess that he always left for Wonbin to clean up. Even though Wonbin didn't have a fixed schedule, it frustrated him that Sungchan treated him like his personal housekeeper. Wonbin had his own commitments, deadlines to meet, and the need to rest before his night shift at Siren. Wonbin tried to empathize with Sungchan's demanding 9-5 job at the bank, but he couldn't fathom why it was so challenging for Sungchan to do something as simple as tossing his socks into the laundry basket instead of leaving them on the floor.
Generally, Wonbin could let these things slide. His mind often dwelled in a flurry of artistic ideas, paying little attention to the mundane details of life. But those socks drove him crazy.
The next argument was a bit more serious, keeping Wonbin awake in the early hours of the morning. It was about Sungchan's drinking habit. "You're always out with your friends, and you come home late and drunk," Wonbin initially had no problem with it. It was customary for office workers to drink every now and then. But when it happened more than twice a week, and considering Sungchan’s alcohol tolerance, Wonbin had to say something. "And that supervisor I can't stand is giving you a ride home every single time. What's going on?"
There were times when Wonbin would return home at three in the morning, finding Sungchan passed out on the couch, reeking of alcohol. He was so intoxicated that he couldn't make it to their bedroom and change his clothes. Having never experienced the corporate world, Wonbin struggled to grasp the dynamics of these work-related drinking sessions. It was fine when they were occasional, but as Sungchan climbed the corporate ladder, his nights of drinking became more frequent.
Wonbin could live with it if Sungchan didn't get sick whenever he had too much to drink, but he did. And who took care of him when he was unwell? Not his colleagues; it was Wonbin.
Adding fuel to the fire, the supervisor, who seemed interested in Sungchan, infuriated Wonbin. He had met Jungwoo twice: once at their company year-end party and once during the opening of Wonbin’s exhibition last year. To this day, Wonbin still didn’t know why Jungwoo went when they barely knew each other, and he knew little about art. Sungchan insisted that Jungwoo was curious about his works and wanted to see them. But Jungwoo spent the entire evening touching Sungchan, laughing at Sungchan’s lame jokes, and paying no attention to Wonbin’s art. It was excruciating to watch.
Wonbin's words came out harsher than he intended. He couldn’t help it anymore. The frustration building up in him was too much to bear. His paintings had dwindled in number, his inspiration fading with each bitter argument. While he hadn't explicitly conveyed it to Sungchan, he was aware that Sungchan sensed it too. The constant quarrels had strangled his creativity, leaving his art gasping for life.
There were nights when Wonbin wouldn’t come home because he couldn't stand being around Sungchan anymore. Fighting with him exhausted Wonbin to the core. It’s not because Sungchan fought fire with fire. It’s actually the opposite. Sungchan would never yell at Wonbin. He would just walk away.
To escape the toxic environment at home, Wonbin spent more time in his studio. It was his sanctuary where he felt most calm after a fight. Sungchan didn't call or text to ask about his whereabouts on those nights. Wonbin returned to a clean house, and everything appeared fine again until something inevitably triggered another argument.
Wonbin was caught off guard when Sungchan showed up unexpectedly. They were in another one of their silent wars. To cool off, Wonbin decided to hang out in the studio. Sungchan suddenly came in with a pizza box and a 6-pack of beer, initially in a good mood. But his expression soured when he saw what was happening in the studio.
There were three nude guys on stage. All white men. One was standing, another was perched on what looked like a golden throne, and the third was sitting on the floor. Wonbin, on the other hand, was standing in front of the seated guy, fixing the crown on his head. He hadn't noticed Sungchan's arrival until one of the guys informed him that someone was at the door.
Wonbin made his exit, telling the guys to take a break, and rushed over to where Sungchan was standing. He sensed another argument brewing.
“What are you doing here?”
“What the hell are you doing?” Sungchan asked.
"Painting?" Wonbin replied, not intending to sound sarcastic. He was simply stating the facts.
"Three guys?" Sungchan's tone was judgmental, which didn't sit well with Wonbin.
Wonbin let out a sigh. "This isn't the first time I've done this. Why are you so worked up? I did this in college."
"Yeah, but with women!"
Sungchan made a valid point. Previously, Wonbin had only painted nude women. This was the first time he painted men in all their naked glory. He wanted to try it, believing there was nothing wrong with exploring this new artistic direction. The idea had struck him just last week, and these three men represented the three most powerful Greek Gods: Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades.
"If you're going to start another fight, just leave," Wonbin retorted. He had yet to feel creatively inspired in the past few weeks, and this was the first time he genuinely wanted to work on something. He didn't need Sungchan to spoil it for him.
Wonbin was surprised by Sungchan’s reaction. He wasn’t like this before. He didn’t really mind what Wonbin wanted to do when it came to his art. He wasn’t also a jealous type either. Wonbin gets hit regularly, with or without Sungchan, and it wasn’t really an issue. Sungchan would just shrug it off and take it as a compliment for having a pretty boyfriend.
Sungchan's tone turned accusatory. "Is this why you're not coming home? So you can be around naked foreign men? Am I not enough for you anymore?"
Frustrated, Wonbin raised his voice again. "What the hell are you saying!? I'm just working!"
This was the first time Wonbin had seen Sungchan look angry and betrayed in all their fights. He knew that apologizing was the quickest way to calm him down. Wonbin was tired of arguing. Sungchan was important to him, and he wanted their relationship to work. Still, he couldn't accept the blame for something he saw as entirely innocent.
Sungchan waited for an explanation, but Wonbin was out of words, with no defense left. Sungchan had seen what he had seen, and that was that. Three naked men were in the studio, and Wonbin was painting them. He had no intention of stopping the project just because it upset Sungchan.
"Okay, then," Sungchan said, dropping the pizza box and the beer on the floor. He turned away, placing both hands on his waist, head hanging low.
"Sungchan..." Wonbin tried to reach out, but Sungchan swatted his hand away.
It took them two weeks to reconcile after that fight. During that time, Wonbin spent more hours in the studio. It was also the longest Sungchan didn't utter a word to him. Wonbin made numerous calls and sent messages to reach out, but Sungchan didn't answer his calls and left his messages unread.
After completing the painting, Wonbin returned home just in time for Sungchan's birthday. He went the extra mile, ordering all of Sungchan's favorite dishes, decorating the house, and getting his preferred strawberry-flavored cake.
Sungchan was easy to please despite his mood swings. Small gestures made him happy. Anything Wonbin made, he would eat. Sungchan cherished every gift, whether material or not. Their relationship had its rough patches, but Wonbin still tried to create memorable moments for both of them. When Sungchan's face lit up upon seeing the balloons in the living room and Wonbin holding his birthday cake, Wonbin knew they still had a chance. When Sungchan came to him, kissed him, and said how thankful he was and how much he loved him, Wonbin felt their relationship was worth fighting for.
But then, things took a turn for the worse.
Who would have thought that a carton of spoiled milk would be the trigger for a breakup?
“You never take anything seriously!" Wonbin muttered in frustration, pointing at the offending item in the fridge.
Wonbin had reached his breaking point. His voice was a mix of anger and exasperation that reverberated through their tiny kitchen. "I've told you a million times to take it out when it's empty. Is it that hard?"
Wonbin was about to head out for his shift at Siren. He had only managed to squeeze in three hours of sleep because he had an afternoon gallery meeting about his upcoming exhibition. The meeting ran late, leaving him with insufficient time to rest. On top of that, he still needed to get his much-needed dose of Red Bull. He was feeling irritable, and it seemed like anything that crossed his path was about to experience his wrath.
Sungchan had come home early that evening. He had already eaten dinner and was seated in front of the TV, engrossed in his favorite evening drama. "What's the big deal? It's just milk. Since you're already there, why don't you take it out?"
"That's not the point," Wonbin replied, walking into the living room with the milk carton in hand and standing in front of the TV, obstructing Sungchan's view. "You never listen to me."
Sungchan looked up from the couch. "How can I listen to you when you're always yelling?"
"You don't do anything around here! I'm the one always cleaning up after you. I'm the one taking care of everything while you go out drinking with your friends and watch your damn dramas when you're home."
"This is bullshit, Wonbin," Sungchan said, exasperated. "This is the first day in a long while that I could be home early, and now you are being such a pain in the ass just because of a fucking milk carton?”
"Maybe I wouldn’t be such a pain in your ass if you would be a little bit more considerate."
"Jesus Christ!" Sungchan yelled, startling Wonbin a bit. Sungchan rarely yelled or cursed. "Can you stop? Please! I'm so tired of this, Wonbin."
That night wasn't one of those nights when Wonbin would stay silent and let Sungchan off the hook. He was in the mood for a fight, so he fought back.
"Do you think you're the only one tired here? Aside from being your nanny, I have two other jobs. The only thing I ask of you every damn day is to act like a responsible adult."
Sungchan grabbed the milk carton from Wonbin and threw it forcefully into the garbage bin. "Happy now? Is that adult enough for you?"
Sungchan returned to the living room and resumed watching his drama, but Wonbin wasn't done. They resolved one thing for the night but needed to discuss a much bigger issue. Something Sungchan had yet to learn his lesson from. Wonbin was offended that Sungchan had mocked him and not taken him seriously.
Wonbin went back to the living room and turned off the TV.
"What the fuck?!" Sungchan yelled.
The argument continued for another ten minutes until Taeyong called because Wonbin was now 15 minutes late for his shift at Siren without notice. It was one of those fights with a second or even a third round. It wasn't over in one go.
"Maybe you shouldn't have moved in with me if you don't like how I manage my place."
"You're impossible to deal with," Sungchan said exasperatedly when Wonbin was already putting on his shoes at the door.
"If you're that annoyed, why don't you move back with Eunseok," Wonbin said without thinking. He slammed the door behind him, not realizing it would be the last time he'd see Sungchan in their place because Sungchan was gone when he returned from work the following day.
*
Bartending at Siren is the only constant thing in Wonbin's life right now. Even though he's a bit sleep-deprived, he likes coming to work because it gives him a sense of order, especially now that he’s still in the middle of fixing his life together.
Two ladies are sitting at the bar, keeping him company while he waits for more orders to come in. They’re friendly, but it's a little too much for Wonbin’s liking if he is being honest because he’s not really in the mood to give his opinion about men wearing skinny jeans. Still, he makes small talk to keep them glued.
Wonbin’s social battery is starting to run out, and he wishes for another customer to come in so he can escape from the conversation. He doesn’t expect him to come tonight, but he's never been more grateful for his best friend. Wonbin’s face lights up when Shotaro walks in.
"Hey," Wonbin says. “What brings you here all of a sudden?”
It's common for Shotaro to make surprise visits now and then. It's his way of making sure Wonbin is still functioning. Calling and texting don’t work with Wonbin because he has a habit of ignoring them. Even his other close friends (not that there are many – his life mainly revolves around Shotaro, his parents, Taeyong, and, despite the breakup, Sungchan's older brother, Jaehyun) have a hard time getting a hold of him. If Shotaro doesn’t check up on him, who knows what tragedy could happen to Wonbin?
There aren’t a lot of customers on a Monday night, so Taeyong doesn’t say anything when he sees Wonbin spending more time talking to Shotaro than making drinks. Besides, Taeyong is well aware of Shotaro's visits and understands that Wonbin needs someone to talk to, especially with what’s happening in his personal life.
“You haven’t been replying to me all week,” Shotaro remarks as he accepts the cold beer bottle that Wonbin hands him. “I’m just making sure you hadn't gone off a cliff or something.”
“That’s not how I wanna go,” Wonbin quips.
“Update me.” Shotaro commands, gesturing for Wonbin to share what's been going on.
“So, Sungchan dropped by the other day,” Wonbin starts, nearly causing Shotaro to choke on his drink. He doesn't say anything, so Wonbin continues. “He just picked up everything he had left behind.”
“Did he say anything?”
“Just 'Take care,'” Wonbin replies.
“What the fuck?”
“What will he say, anyway?”
Shotaro furrows his brow with concern. "How are you holding up, though?"
Wonbin sighs, fidgeting with an empty glass on the counter. "I'm okay."
Wonbin is a good liar. He can fake it until he makes it. However, his best friend can detect if he’s not telling the truth or hiding things. Sometimes, Shotaro would force him to spill everything, but lately, he doesn’t pry when Wonbin doesn’t want to talk.
"No shit?"
After a brief pause, Wonbin surrenders. He really can never lie to Shotaro. "I mean, it's not like it's been easy. The breakup– it's been... challenging."
This is the first time Wonbin openly admits that he's struggling. He thought that after a couple of months, things would be okay. He believed he would start finding other guys attractive, consider dating, and maybe even ask someone out. But here he is, six months later, still getting emotional whenever he catches a whiff of Sungchan's perfume (it’s originally Wonbin’s. Sungchan liked it, so it had become Sungchan's signature scent). The old photos on his phone gallery still tug at his heartstrings, and the videos, especially the silly ones Sungchan used to record that make him roll on the floor laughing, now make him sad. Despite loving it, he can't bring himself to eat GCOVA chicken because that place has so many memories of Sungchan.
On the surface, he's functioning as a regular human being. However, deep down, he's still hurting, and seeing Sungchan again only worsens it. Sending that message about his things was a mistake; it was too soon.
Shotaro's expression softens. "I've told you countless times you can talk to me, but you always keep it to yourself."
Hearing that makes Wonbin briefly consider finally opening up and sharing his struggles, like the early mornings when he'd wake up and long for Sungchan's warmth beside him. He also thought about mentioning how he missed Sungchan sitting at the dining table with his laptop, waiting for Wonbin to finish cooking dinner before heading out to work. But he couldn't muster the courage to confide these feelings in Shotaro just yet.
He appreciates the gesture, though. He knows his best friend will always be there when the time comes that he’s ready to talk.
"All I can say is that…I’m still adjusting," Wonbin replies, picking his words carefully. "It just feels empty when someone you've spent so much time with isn't there anymore."
Shotaro nods in understanding. "I get that."
Shotaro tells him to look at the bright side. He can now focus on his art and do the things he wanted to do that he wasn’t able to do when he was with Sungchan, like maybe adopting a pet or getting a tattoo. The idea is so tempting. He already imagines the designs he wants and where to put them.
“Will you do it with me?” Wonbin asks. He had asked Sungchan before, but he didn’t really want to have one.
“I said I will support you. I never said I would get one, too.”
“You’re such a killjoy.”
He doesn’t have to, but Shotaro reiterates what he thinks is the primary reason why their relationship didn't work out so Wonbin won’t feel that bad. More than the petty arguments, Sungchan's lack of confidence in Wonbin's career caused the most damage. It wasn't a big deal when they first started dating, but it became a recurring discussion later on when Wonbin wasn't painting as much as he did at the beginning. He had to find another job to cover his living expenses, and that was when he ended up in Siren. Initially, he started as a server, but since he was a quick learner (and Tayeong had noticed that they sold more drinks whenever Wonbin was at the bar), Taeyong promoted him to bartender when one of their senior bartenders left. The pay was decent, but it wasn't quite enough for a comfortable life.
Given his Fine Arts degree, Sungchan kept suggesting that Wonbin should consider applying for a corporate job, particularly in the Marketing or Advertising industry. He even took the liberty of submitting Wonbin's resume to his own company when he saw an opening in the Marketing department. This led to a major argument. No holds barred.
It was the first their first big fight.
Looking back, Wonbin thinks it caused him anxiety whenever Sungchan had something to say or why he got so frustrated whenever Sungchan didn't listen to him or didn't do what he told him to do around the house. Sungchan's lack of confidence triggered all of Wonbin's insecurities and made him doubt his career decisions. He felt like nothing he did was ever good enough because Sungchan didn't see any worth in what he did for a living.
Sungchan has unleashed a demon within him that he doesn’t know how to shake off anymore.
Wonbin decides it’s better not to share that he’s still having a hard time painting. He doesn't mention the creative block that has paralyzed him since the breakup or the financial challenges he's currently facing. Instead, he tells Shotaro about his increased hours at the bar, thanks to Taeyong allowing him to work six nights a week. It’s good money, and working keeps his mind off things.
"That's good to hear," Shotaro says. "Maybe you should start dating again soon."
Shotaro shoots him a mischievous smile, but Wonbin brushes it off.
Wonbin knows he deserves happiness and someone who would treat him better and respect his life choices, someone who accepts how his mind works and that his art is important to him. There was a time when he believed he had already found what he was searching for. However, as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever. People enter our lives for various reasons; sometimes, they leave for one.
*
It’s the middle of summer, and lately, Wonbin’s been exploring various artworks to give him ideas of what he could work on next. He doesn’t have a particular assignment. His income mainly comes from commission paintings and graphic designs for a t-shirt brand in Vancouver. It’s good money, but sometimes he gets stuck. Also, he wants to join an exhibition that his former schoolmate is arranging. If he wants to submit quality works worthy of display in six months, he has to start working now.
Shotaro had suggested checking out an exhibit by a visiting Japanese artist. He went last week, and it turned out to be quite a success because he’s already booked an Airbnb for two weeks in the mountains to start his project. He’s leaving the day after tomorrow, so he goes out today to buy all the supplies he needs.
On his way back to his apartment, he almost misses his stop because everything he sees outside stimulates the creative side of his brain. Suddenly, the city becomes his muse. Every little shop, every face he passes, inspires him. The setting sun paints the sky in vivid shades of orange and purple, and Wonbin wishes he could capture it all on his canvas right then and there. Wonbin rarely finds inspiration in landscapes and sceneries. He hated painting back in college as he was more interested in faces, different shapes and forms of the human body, and graphic arts. He's surprised at how eager he is to immerse himself in nature to paint such images. Maybe painting the city wouldn’t be so bad, too.
The Japanese artist really got through him.
Lately, though, it's not just landscapes that run through his mind; it's also the guy he keeps seeing at his favorite cafe.
This tall, charming young man with doe-like eyes has recently become a regular at Cafe Lumin. He typically arrives around seven in the evening, always dressed in a suit. Wonbin assumes he's an office worker, probably a new employee, because he doesn’t look burned out yet. He usually sits in the corner right beside the window, with an iced americano on his table while he works on his iPad. He stays for about half an hour, never more than that, or until he finishes his drink.
On the other hand, Wonbin occupies a few tables away, maintaining a safe distance so he can discreetly observe him. He pretends to be engrossed in a book borrowed from the cafe's shelves. It's been a week, and he still has no idea what type of literature he is reading.
Wonbin does the same today. He enters the cafe and is welcomed by the cozy scent of freshly brewed coffee. He looks around but can't help feeling a bit let down that his crush is not there. It would’ve been great if he had seen him before he committed to hermit life for two weeks in the mountains.
Oh, well.
Wonbin orders his usual cappuccino and two pieces of chocolate chip cookies as consolation to himself for not having a glimpse of the face he keeps thinking about at night. He sits by the window (cute guy’s usual seat) before taking out his sketchbook and pencil. No need to pretend that he’s an intellectual today. The person he’s trying to impress isn’t even there.
And then, as he sips his coffee and gets lost in his thoughts, it happens. Wonbin doesn’t believe in destiny. He doesn’t give two shits about Astrology, but he thinks his stars are aligned tonight.
The tall guy takes the table next to him, carrying his usual iced americano and setting up his iPad as soon as he's settled. His eyes, framed by dark lashes, draw Wonbin in. Wonbin hadn't seen him this up close before. He didn’t know that he had fair skin and slender fingers. He didn’t know that he smelled fruity with a hint of musk or had thin yet inviting lips.
For a while, Wonbin attempts to play it cool. He makes an effort not to gawk and focuses on sketching the cityscape outside. When Wonbin takes a bite of his cookie and lifts his gaze away from his sketch pad, their eyes meet. Wonbin nearly choked, coughing out some cookie crumbs.
It’s not the smoothest first interaction, but Wonbin feels like time slows down, like the universe decided it’s their moment. There's a spark that words can't describe. In that instant, the noisy cafe, the bustling streets, the whole world outside just vanishes. It's as if there's an invisible force pulling them together.
A shy smile graces the guy's lips, mirroring the one that crept onto Wonbin's face (despite some crumbs on the side of his mouth and chin). The air is charged with undeniable energy, and it feels like they're caught in a cosmic whirlwind, pulling them closer and closer. The world shrinks down to just the two of them.
'Is this how it feels to be hypnotized?' Wonbin thinks, because he can't look away. They remain staring at each other in that wordless exchange for what feels like an eternity. It's a surreal moment, the kind you read about in books and watch in movies but rarely experience in real life. Perhaps their paths are meant to cross on this humid summer evening in the corner of this cafe.
The spell is broken when a young lady approaches Wonbin's to ask if the other chair at his table is available because they have a big group opposite him and are short one chair. "Is it okay to borrow this chair?" she asks, oblivious to the electric charge that fills the air around them.
Wonbin tears his gaze away from the guy's eyes, blushing slightly as he stammers, "Uh, yeah."
The guy, too, seems to be coming back to reality. He clears his throat and resumes looking at his iPad.
The young lady gets the chair, leaving them in a slightly awkward silence. The moment has passed, but Wonbin’s heart continues beating like crazy as if wolves are chasing him. He swallows the remaining chunk of cookie on his plate before he wipes his face with a napkin.
The guy decides to break the ice, making Wonbin jump on his seat. His eyes are wide while he tries not to panic. "I don't suppose you come to this cafe often, do you?" he asks.
Wonbin smiles bashfully. "I actually come here often. How about you?”
“I only started coming two weeks ago after meeting with a client here and liked the coffee." The guy says. He adds that his office building is just two blocks away, so he drops by after work before going home. His commute home must be long for him to sit down and get coffee first before heading home, Wonbin wonders.
The guy looks at his sketchpad and raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "You're an artist?"
Wonbin nods, his heart pounding with a strange mix of nervousness and excitement. He’s finally talking with this guy. "Yeah, I paint."
"That looks amazing.” The guy's eyes sparkle with interest, and he leans in a little closer. “I'm more of an office guy. It's not the most exciting job in the world."
Wonbin chuckles, feeling good about this development. "I’m Wonbin, by the way, your art guy." Wonbin offers his hand for a shake. The guy gladly takes it, and the spark intensifies.
“I’m Sungchan, your boring office guy.”
They talked for a while before Sungchan had to leave because his roommate needed help with something (their microwave oven). He asks if they could meet again soon, but Wonbin says he can’t because he’s going to Gangwon for the next two weeks.
“I could just give you my number if you want,” Wonbin offers. This is the bravest he’s been in his life. He has to do this because he’s not gonna allow this man to get away.
“That would be great,” Sungchan passed his phone to him so he could input his details.
Wonbin receives a “hey” right after and then saves Sungchan’s number immediately.
As Wonbin walks away from the cafe that night, the city seems to shine even brighter, his smiles wider, and his steps a little lighter. For the first time in a long while, he has something to look forward to.
*
Statistically, Wednesday is not the busiest night at Siren. Customers often flock in on Thursdays and Fridays. Saturdays are always packed, and Sundays can go either busy or slow, depending on whether they are holding a party. Tonight's looking like a chill one. Wonbin even has some time to do inventory while waiting for orders. He's able to tidy up the place, wipe down the shelves, and chat with Taeyong about their upcoming monthlong anniversary celebration. All in all, he expects to finish his shift without feeling too exhausted. He’s looking forward to coming home, eating his leftover Chinese food while he catches up on the latest episode of the murder mystery show that he watches on YouTube, and sleeping at least six hours.
He’s in a good mood. But not until Sungchan and his friends walk in.
Sungchan is with the usual people: Eunseok, his best friend. He still looks calm and collected, void of any emotions; Seunghan, the intern who had recently been absorbed into the team. He seems more confident now than the last time Wonbin has seen him; and Jungwoo, their supervisor and the person who still makes Wonbin’s blood boil even if he and Sungchan aren’t together anymore.
As they settled into their booth, Wonbin couldn't help but glance their way. Sungchan is laughing at whatever Seunghan is saying. He looks relaxed around them. He doesn’t look like he is having a hard time at work. He doesn’t look like he was going through a bad breakup. Wonbin has mixed emotions seeing Sungchan so carefree. He’s relieved Sungchan’s not hurting, but it is also a slap on his face.
A waiter comes up to their table to get their orders. Wonbin prepared their drinks the moment he got their orders. Three beers and one whisky. He already knows who the whisky is for. It’s Sungchan’s favorite hard liquor. Wonbin makes it just how he likes it, even if it’s not noted: neat.
Wonbin stays discreet at the bar. He’s thankful that Sungchan’s table is on the other side of the room so he can hide behind the people seated in front of him in case he has to. He’s not sure why Sungchan hasn’t glanced even once in his direction. Either he thinks he’s not there, or he just doesn’t care. Either way, Wonbin is thankful that he’s not making the situation more challenging than it already is. It’s better if they don’t interact while Wonbin is at work.
The universe has other plans, though.
Taeyong, the owner of the bar and one of Wonbin's close friends (who, by extension, has also become Sungchan's close friend), emerges from his office and decides to walk over to Sungchan’s table. Wonbin watches the two share a hug. Taeyong greets Eunseok while Sungchan introduces him to the other two. Wonbin will be okay as long as Taeyong never mentions him or tells them that he’s there. But lo and behold, Taeyong, unaware of the emotional turmoil he is causing Wonbin, gestures toward the bar. It is the signal for the group to look in his direction, and Wonbin suddenly feels exposed, as if he is standing on a stage with a spotlight on him.
He couldn’t dodge the tidal wave of emotions that hit him when Sungchan's gaze fell on him. Their eyes meet for a fleeting moment, and then everything slows down. The room around them seems to blur, and the sounds fade into the background. Wonbin wishes he could disappear, hide in the shadows, and be forgotten. He wishes he could pretend that seeing Sungchan again doesn't affect him at all.
After what feels like an eternity, Sungchan and his friends finally decide to leave. Wonbin watches as they put on their coats, settle their bills, and head for the door. He lets out a silent sigh of relief, grateful that the night is over and that he can finally focus on his work.
He tries not to let his mind wander. He tries not to think about Sungchan, but he’s losing the battle with himself. Seeing Sungchan with his friends, in his usual and jolly self, is a difficult pill to swallow. Jungwoo being there doesn’t help either. He’s aware that Jungwoo can never be removed from Sungchan’s life. They are colleagues and in the same friend group. Wonbin has already accepted that fact. Still, he can’t get used to Jungwoo staring at Sungchan and touching him in places where Eunseok or Seunghan don’t usually touch him. Wonbin feels mocked. The person that he loathes the most is the one who stayed in Sungchan’s life, and Jungwoo is there to tell that to his face.
Wonbin has worked hard to put the past behind him and move forward with his life. He has tried to build a new routine but keeps failing.
He pushes aside his thoughts, reminding himself that he has a shift to finish. It's late, and the bar is nearly empty. As he serves the last few customers, he glances at the clock, eager to finally close up for the night and head home.
Once his shift ends, he says goodbye to Taeyong and steps out into the chilly October night. The wind has a bite to it. He wraps his scarf tightly around his neck to keep him from the cold. The streets are mostly empty. The cool air stings his cheeks. He usually walks to and from work since Siren is only three blocks from his apartment building.
He’s checking his phone for new messages that will remain unread for the next 24 hours when he spots Sungchan standing by a lamppost in front of Siren. Sungchan has his hands tucked into his jacket pockets, his nose a little red from the cold. Wonbin isn’t sure if it’s the right thing to do, but he crosses the street and approaches him. He’s worried because no one is with him.
"Sungchan? What are you doing here?" Wonbin asks, his voice filled with a mixture of surprise and confusion.
Sungchan offers a warm smile that, despite Wonbin's inner conflict, still has the power to light up the night. "Waiting for you."
Wonbin's heart skips a beat. He isn't prepared for this. He’s so confused.
"Why?" Wonbin asks. “Where’s Eunseok? Everyone?”
“They went home.” Sungchan's smile doesn't waver. "Let's walk you home?"
It's a simple gesture. It’s something they usually do before. When they started dating, Sungchan would often wait for Wonbin after his shifts, and they would walk home together. It had been a routine. But eventually, Wonbin told Sungchan not to bother anymore so he could sleep more before going to work.
Wonbin feels his resolve weakening, his will to maintain a semblance of indifference slipping away. He can't deny the comfort this gesture is bringing. So, he relents, not offering resistance, and the two of them begin to walk the familiar streets together. The silence between them is both comfortable and loaded with unspoken words. Wonbin knows that this is a borrowed moment, a temporary bliss. This doesn't change their situation.
As they walk, the chilly night air nips at their faces. Wonbin couldn't help but notice that Sungchan looked cold. He frowns, feeling a bit protective of Sungchan again.
"You're cold," Wonbin remarks, his voice laced with concern.
Sungchan dismisses it with a casual wave of his hand. "I'm fine."
Wonbin can't just let it go. "How long did you stay out in the cold?" he asks.
Sungchan hesitates for a moment before responding. "Not long."
"Sungchan," Wonbin says with a sense of urgency. It’s a tone he uses when he wants Sungchan to know that he isn’t taking any of his bullshit.
Sungchan takes a deep breath. "About three hours."
Wonbin’s jaw dropped. He can't comprehend why Sungchan would subject himself to such discomfort and cold for that long. His expression reveals his concern, frustration, and lingering love for this idiot.
"Why the hell would you do that?!" Wonbin demands, his voice reflecting both irritation and care.
Wonbin isn't one to stay mad for long. Concern overtakes his frustration, and he finds himself taking off his scarf and wrapping it around Sungchan’s neck. At that moment, he can't help himself anymore. He grabs Sungchan’s hand to hold, puts it in his jacket pocket, and leads him into his apartment building to get him warm as soon as possible.
The act is impulsive, but it's also driven by the unconditional care Wonbin still holds for Sungchan, even after a painful breakup. He hasn't let go of the remaining love he has for him, and it's evident in his actions.
Wonbin turns on the heat once they reach his apartment, hands trembling slightly as he punches the button on the remote. He lets Sungchan sit on the couch before he goes to his room to retrieve the fuzzy blanket that Sungchan has always loved and drapes it over him. He doesn’t know why he is frantic to get Sungchan warm when he is equally shivering as well.
He then goes to the kitchen and begins to prepare warm chocolate milk. Getting Sungchan that specific drink is a reflex when he’s cold or sick. He still has an ample stock of his favorite brand sitting in his cupboard. He mentally notes that he should get rid of them later since he doesn’t like chocolates.
Wonbin returns to the coach and hands him the steaming drink. “Careful, it’s hot.”
Sungchan takes the cup gratefully, wrapping his cold fingers around it. He looks up at Wonbin with gratitude, and for a moment, Wonbin is taken back to the past. "Thanks," Sungchan murmurs, his voice soft.
Wonbin can feel the words he wants to say, the emotions he wants to express, building up inside him. But he shouldn’t let himself be vulnerable in that way. He blinks the nostalgia off and reminds himself to stay in the present. "You're welcome."
A mixture of tension and tenderness fills the air as Sungchan silently finishes the hot chocolate. Wonbin is lost in his thoughts and the memories of what had been and is now.
Sungchan, cradling his mug, breaks the silence. "How are you?" he asks, his tone gentle and sincere.
Wonbin starts relaxing when he sees Sungchan has stopped shivering. He must stop worrying too much since Sungchan isn’t his responsibility anymore. He isn't entirely sure if Sungchan is living alone or if he has returned to sharing an apartment with Eunseok. Nevertheless, he shouldn’t be thinking if Sungchan has enough aspirin and cold medicine in his bathroom cabinet, if he takes his vitamins on time, if he makes the bed now, if he doesn’t take days to take the trash out.
It was Sungchan’s choice to stand out in the cold and freeze his ass. It’s out of Wonbin’s control, but why was he rattled with just the thought of a grown man getting sick? Why would he drag him to his house when he could tell him to go home instead? They’re over. They had no reason to meet anymore.
But why would Sungchan want to be there, to walk him home, and ask about his life?
"I'm good," Wonbin replies, maintaining a calm facade. On the surface, he's indeed doing well. His apartment is spotless, and everything is organized, just as it was the last time Sungchan saw it. The sink is empty, the floors have been vacuumed, and there isn't a speck of dust in sight. Wonbin has always been meticulous about keeping his living space neat. In their time together, their arguments often revolved around Sungchan's messiness and inability to keep his belongings in order.
His house looks pristine, as if the person living there has their life together. However, Wonbin’s emotional state is far from the image he projects. He has become a master of concealing his pain. He doesn’t want Sungchan to see the extent of his suffering. He can't bear to tell Sungchan that he still longs for him. He can't let him see how deeply the breakup has wounded him.
Sungchan, still looking at him with those warm eyes, doesn’t seem to buy his disguise. But Wonbin is adept at hiding his emotions and isn't ready to let them resurface. "You?" Wonbin asks, turning the focus onto Sungchan. Wonbin is afraid of the answer, worried about what he might hear. Wonbin knows that Sungchan has never been one to lie or hide his feelings. He always speaks his mind, even when it hurts. That honesty was a double-edged sword that often caused tension in their relationship.
"I'm good as well," Sungchan answers, and it feels like Wonbin's worst nightmare comes true. Sungchan is fine without him. His life is better now that he isn't with him anymore. It's like there's a hole in his life that can't be patched up.
Sungchan looks down, a little embarrassed, and says, "It's good to see you, though. Tonight was kinda random. Eunseok wanted to grab a drink at Siren, and I tagged along 'cause I knew it was your day off. I Didn't want things to get awkward."
It's not the drinks Eunseok comes back to Siren for. It's actually the steak.
"Taeyong-hyung told me you're working six nights a week now."
Wonbin nods, confirming that he has indeed been working longer hours lately. He's making an effort to fill his time and keep his mind occupied. The lack of inspiration for painting and the breakup are taking a toll on him. He's channeling his energy into work instead, hoping it will help him forget.
Sungchan sees right through him. He places the empty mug gently on the center table. He takes a deep breath, disappointment evident in his tone. "This is why I'm always worried about you," he says, his voice laced with concern.
"You don't need to worry about me, Sungchan," Wonbin responds firmly. "We're not together anymore."
Sungchan is caught off guard at how dismissive Wonbin is. "But you are killing yourself," He argues.
"It's none of your business." Wonbin picks up the empty mug and takes it to the kitchen. "You should leave."
Wonbin expects Sungchan to do what he says, but Sungchan proves he still needs to learn to listen when he follows Wonbin to the kitchen. What Wonbin doesn't expect is for Sungchan to pin him against the sink and stare deep in his eyes as if he is trying to take his soul out of his body. His eyes are furrowed, his jaw clenched. Sungchan almost looks offended that Wonbin walked out on him.
Wonbin tries to escape, pushing Sungchan with force, but Suncghan grabs his wrist so he won’t get away. He's starting to get terrified not because Sungchan will hurt him. Sungchan is not capable of that. He’s scared because whatever Sungchan plans to do, he knows he won't be able to resist.
Sungchan closes the distance between them, one hand resting gently on the small of Wonbin's back while the other cups the nape of his neck to prevent him from withdrawing. Wonbin gasps in response to Sungchan's sudden boldness. His mind is blank at the moment, lost in Sungchan’s gaze and the feel of his breath on his face. Before Wonbin can react, Sungchan seizes the opportunity and closes the minuscule gap between their lips, kissing Wonbin like his life depended on it.
The kiss leaves Wonbin breathless, his senses overwhelmed by the intensity of Sungchan’s lips on him. He hasn't felt this exhilarated in the past six months. His heart pounds in his chest, each beat resonating with Sungchan's name. He knows what they're doing is wrong, a path fraught with peril, but he can't resist Sungchan's touch. He can't stop the electricity that courses through him whenever their lips meet. The kiss feels like a lifeline, resuscitating his dead heart, a heart that has yearned and is still yearning for Sungchan.
Wonbin leans into the kiss, tiptoeing to meet his lips fervently. He wraps his arms around Sungchan, holding him close as though he's afraid the world will pull them apart once more. His every thought, every desire, screams Sungchan's name. It's a forbidden dance they can't help but engage in, drawn to each other like moths to a flame.
Sungchan withdraws for a brief moment, and the loss of contact leaves Wonbin craving for more. Their heavy breathing fills the room, their eyes locked in a silent, fiery exchange. With a deep voice, Sungchan asks, "Do you still want me to leave?"
Wonbin's focus narrows on Sungchan's glistening, saliva-wet lips, their flushed color tempting him further. His body responds instinctively to the enticing sight. He feels his self-control slipping away, his desire for Sungchan growing insurmountable.
In response, Wonbin gently shakes his head, defying his own better judgment. Then, with burning audacity, he leans in to capture Sungchan's lower lip between his teeth. It’s daring. He wants this even if he knows the excruciating heartache he’ll go through after. He knows it's a terrible idea. He has already experienced the pain of their breakup, and he is willingly stepping back into the storm. It's as if he's choosing to stand in the pouring rain, knowing he'll get drenched and chilled to the bone.
But the truth is, he just can't help himself when it comes to Sungchan. No matter all the sensible reasons to keep him at arm's length, his feelings for him are as strong as ever. What they had is the kind that's not easily put out. He's ready to take this chance to be with him one last time, even if it means Sungchan might end up hurting him again.
For now, they surrender to their desires, embracing the beautiful and painful reunion that fate has drawn.
"No."
Wonbin will deal with the consequences later.
*
Wonbin slowly opens his eyes when he feels the bed shift. He tries to be discreet, not wanting Sungchan to know he’s already awake. When he’s sure Sungchan is already on his way to the bathroom (he gets sight of his naked body, and all Wonbin can do is sigh because, after all this time, he’s still very much sexually attracted to Sungchan. His long limbs, his cute but bouncy ass, his smooth skin. It’s not the most perfect body god created, but it’s the most perfect in Wonbin’s eyes); he glances at the digital clock on his nightstand and finds out it’s six in the morning. Sungchan has to get ready to make it to work on time. Usually, it would take him an hour to get ready and finish his breakfast. But, there is no breakfast to be had. He only has to get a shower and make do with the wrinkled suit he had worn yesterday.
It’s a good thing Wonbin always keeps a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet for visitors to use. It’s not that he anticipates this kind of rendezvous. He likes keeping two of everything, especially for essentials, just to be sure. He knows Sungchan knows where to find the towels, the disposable razor if he needs it, or the floss. He would be alright without Wonbin’s assistance.
When Wonbin hears the shower stop, he turns around, facing the wall so Sungchan won’t see that he’s just waiting for him to leave. He needs to stay still and appear to be still asleep. He listens to Sungchan’s light footsteps. He’s pacing around the room. He must be looking for his clothes. Then he hears fabric ruffling, followed by the sound of the zipper closing.
Wonbin shuts his eyes close. He wants to hide. He doesn’t want any confrontation or conversation. He’s not yet ready for that.
The details of the previous night come flooding in his memory. He remembers Sungchan’s warmth all over him, the touches that set his skin on fire, the searing kisses they gave each other. In a perfect world, waking up smelling like Sungchan and covered with his marks would be magical. But Wonbin isn’t living in an ideal world. Making poor decisions and waking up with regrets is his reality.
Wonbin couldn’t stop replaying what happened last night in his head. Sungchan had been passionately kissing him, his hands expertly touching him at places Sungchan knew would leave Wonbin shamelessly asking for more. The feeling of Sungchan's fingers expertly teasing him sent shivers of pleasure through him. From kissing on the couch, they relocated to the bedroom. Even if it’s something out of pure pleasure, Wonbin wasn't comfortable being exposed. It’s too bright in the living room. He’s not yet confident with his body after not being with anyone and not really paying attention to his diet for six months.
Soon, they’d shed all their clothes, and Wonbin was getting consumed by lust with every touch of Sungchan’s lips on his skin. Sungchan was giving equal attention to his sensitive nipples, ensuring each was thoroughly stimulated. His kisses then descended to Wonbin’s stomach, traveling down to where Wonbin longed for him to be. The anticipation created pleasurable vibrations coursing through Wonbin’s veins. He ached for Sungchan's mouth, craving for him to taste him again. Wonbin was already lost in desire, unable to contain his moans and whimpers, gripping the pillow above his head as the feeling of Sungchan’s mouth in between his legs overwhelmed him.
"Sungchan," Wonbin moaned, his heavy-lidded eyes focused on the man below him.
Wonbin couldn’t believe Sungchan still understood his desires, still knew how his body worked all this time. And it’s insane how he could destroy Wonbin in the most delicious way but also the only one who could bring him back to life.
Wonbin didn’t have the strength to resist. He just gave in to his desires while Sungchan’s mouth and tongue worked their magic. The magnitude of his touch and the incessant way Sungchan was inflicting pleasure on him made his head spin. He wanted to scream, to plead for more, as he writhed and groaned under his skillful hands. Wonbin lost himself in the throes of his first orgasm.
He was breathless and quivering, slowly recovering from the waves of pleasure. Sungchan once again hovered over him. He gently kissed Wonbin on the side of his neck as he slowly entered him. He was tender and considerate, always was, displaying care as if they were back when doing all of this was a dance to show how they loved each other. Wonbin allowed Sungchan to take charge of the moment, delicately exploring him, his rhythm unhurried.
As he lay beneath Sungchan, letting him set the pace, Wonbin gazed up at him for the first time. The faint light coming from the window illuminated Sungchan’s face. He was also lost in pleasure, beads of sweat on his forehead. Wonbin could hear him grunting in every thrust. He wanted to reach out and touch his face, to kiss him tenderly with meaning, but Wonbin knew it was inappropriate. This was just sex. This was just them blowing off steam and tension. Perhaps he was just an outlet for Sungchan’s sexual frustrations. This didn’t mean anything at all.
“Are you okay?” Sungchan asked when he noticed Wonbin was staring. He stopped moving for a moment.
Wonbin looked away. “I’m fine.”
“Am I hurting you?”
Physically? Or emotionally? Wonbin wanted to ask, but he shook the thoughts away and just said, “No, keep going.”
Wonbin kept his hands to himself until Sunchan finished. Sungchan collapsed on top of him, chest heaving and letting out curses on the skin of Wonbin’s neck. It took him a while before he rolled over and went straight to the bathroom to clean up. When he got back, he brought a warm towel for Wonbin. He was about to wipe him off, but Wonbin was quick enough to stop him, grabbing the towel from him.
“I can do it. Thanks.” Wonbin said and proceeded to clean himself. He excused himself afterward to take his turn to go to the bathroom. He locked himself there for half an hour, sitting in the tub and hugging himself. He never thought it was possible to hate himself more than he already did.
Sungchan was already snoring when Wonbin decided to come out. He’s lying on his side of the bed, the one he had always claimed when they were still together. The blanket only covers the lower half of Sungchan’s body, his left arm under his head. Wonbin slowly made his way to his side, making sure to not dip the bed that much and wake Sungchan up. When he’s settled, he glances back at Sungchan’s peaceful sleeping face. It ached Wonbin to look at him like this. He’s just a few inches away, but Wonbin couldn’t even touch him. They’re physically close, yet they’re emotionally miles apart.
Wonbin returns to the present when he feels the weight on the bed and sees a shadow looming over him. He closes his eyes again, freezes, and almost forgets to breathe. Sungchan is above and looking at him. Wonbin can smell his own lavender shampoo and body wash.
“I’m leaving,” Sungchan whispers. It takes a few heartbeats before Wonbin feels a soft touch on top of his head. How many times has his heart been broken because of Jung Sungchan? He doesn’t know anymore. “I’m sorry.”
In an instant, Sungchan isn’t there anymore. Wonbin hears his front door closed.
For the first time in six months, he finally allows himself to break down.
*
Wonbin sits in front of his canvas, feeling the pressure now that it’s just days away from the exhibit. It’s not his first time participating in that kind of event. He’s just nervous because he will be displayed alongside more seasoned and senior artists. He was invited because he was recommended by some of his mentors. Despite being grateful for the opportunity, he still doesn’t think he deserves to be there.
He's in the final stretch of his work. This exhibit is crucial for his career, a make-or-break moment.
In the typical chaos during crunch time, the studio is a mess. Brushes and paint tubes are scattered around, and the floor and walls are covered with paint splatters. Wonbin's fingers are stained with shades of blue and green, but he pays no mind to the disorder surrounding him.
His phone buzzes, and he glances at it, finding a message from Sungchan.
My Love ♡︎:
i got the promotion!
My Love ♡︎:
can't wait to celebrate with you!!!!!!!!
My Love ♡︎:
let’s go have pizza!
Sungchan's promotion had been a topic of discussion for the past month. He's been working hard, putting in extra hours, and proving himself a reliable team member. He rarely brags about his accomplishments, but Wonbin knows Sungchan is a dedicated and brilliant employee. He's consistently nominated as the employee of the quarter, getting along seamlessly with his colleagues and making each project appear like a piece of cake.
Wonbin can't help but feel proud of his boyfriend. Sungchan works diligently. Wonbin has seen Sungchan's dedication firsthand, often spending late nights at the office, perfecting presentations, and brainstorming ideas for his team. Sungchan's career matters to him. He always talks about his dreams to succeed in the corporate world. He's been an achiever since he was a student. He never admits to feeling pressured because his family consists of successful men and women. His father used to be the president of a famous department store company in the country, his mother comes from a family of farm owners, and his older brother, Jaehyun, is currently making a name for himself in the construction industry as a civil engineer. He once told Wonbin that someday, he wants a business of his own if he won’t be a company president like his father.
"Maybe I'd start a clothing business and make you the general manager," Sungchan once joked, spotting Wonbin repurposing a T-shirt. Wonbin just laughed it off. He never dreamed of having such a responsibility. Unlike Sungchan, he enjoyed having time on his hands, not answering to anyone but himself, and his creative freedom.
"Or maybe manage your modeling career since you're so pretty?" Sungchan suggested with a straight face, causing Wonbin to throw a slipper at him. Although Wonbin was flattered, he had no interest in something like that. He was too shy and too awkward.
Wonbin glances at his half-done painting, brush in hand. He's still on a tight schedule despite taking two days off work to focus on it. Sungchan's proposal to celebrate is tempting, but Wonbin is far from finishing his work. Taking a deep breath, he begins typing his response.
To My Love ♡︎:
that's amazing news! I'm so happy for you, love ❤️
To My Love ♡︎:
i'd love to celebrate with you but i’m not yet finished with my painting
To My Love ♡︎:
taeyong-hyung gave me two days off to complete it and I really need to finish tonight 😭
To My Love ♡︎:
can we celebrate next week after the exhibit? 🥺🥺🥺
The response comes quickly.
My Love ♡︎:
it’s okay i understand
My Love ♡︎:
i’ll see you next week then. fighting!!!
My Love ♡︎:
i’ll go with the guys for dinner
My Love ♡︎:
love you! 😘
Wonbin smiles at the last reply. He’s relieved Sungchan understands and doesn’t whine so much. He’s a bit clingy sometimes, especially when he wants to spend more time with him or thinks Wonbin should take a break from work and focus on him.
Wonbin delves back into his work, the minutes turning into hours as he applies the final touches to his painting. The colors flow to the canvas, slowly but surely his vision comes to life. The room is quiet except for the soothing sound of his brush over rough fabric.
He's so engrossed in his work that he doesn't notice the door opening and the scent of fried chicken wafting in. Only when he hears Sungchan's voice does he realize he has company.
“What are you doing here?” Wonbin stands up from the wooden stool he's sitting on and walks to his boyfriend.
Sungchan is still dressed in a smart suit, holding two plastic bags from his favorite chicken place, GCOVA. He's taken aback, not expecting to see Sungchan at this hour. Wonbin thought he would still be drinking with friends to celebrate his promotion. He knows how convincing Eunseok could be. He wouldn’t let Sungchan go before he gets what he wants. In this case, it’s paying for their drinks.
"I wanna celebrate with you," Sungchan says with a warm smile.
Wonbin chuckles, pushing Sungchan away playfully. "You're gonna distract me!"
Sungchan reaches out, his fingers grazing Wonbin's cheek. "I know," he admits.
Wonbin, still covered in paint, tiptoes to give Sungchan a tender kiss on the lips, careful not to mess up his suit. Wonbin can smell the alcohol on his breath. Sungchan must have gone drinking with his friends as planned and decided to come by the studio before he went home. It doesn’t matter if he hates the scent of liquor on Sungchan’s lips. Wonbin’s happy Sungchan is there.
Sungchan sets the food down on a part of the floor that's clean and paint-free. He then joins Wonbin, sitting down and opening a can of beer. When Wonbin reaches for the other beer, Sungchan swats his hand away playfully and hands him a cola instead.
"No beer for you tonight. You're working," Sungchan says with a teasing grin.
Wonbin protests halfheartedly, but he doesn't want to argue. He takes the cola and relaxes, leaning against the wall as Sungchan starts to eat.
It’s a simple meal. They’ve done this countless times before, but it still makes Wonbin’s heart flutter. These simple things that Sungchan does are what make him love him even more. The exhibit is important for his career, and he can't afford to be distracted now. But having Sungchan by his side is a reward in itself. Sungchan’s presence is a comfort.
Wonbin's painting is about three-fourths done, and he's confident he can finish it before the night ends. Time slips away, and Wonbin loses track of it as he works. Sungchan makes no attempt to rush him. Instead, he finds a spot on the floor, using his messenger bag as a makeshift pillow and draping his coat over himself as a blanket. He rests at the corner, making sure he isn’t in the way or distracting Wonbin.
As the hours pass, they remain in the room together, the silence only occasionally broken by the sound of Wonbin muttering ideas to himself or Sungchan softly snoring. It's well past midnight when Wonbin finally takes a step back to admire his completed painting.
Wonbin steps away from his canvas and takes a moment to stretch his arms. He's done it. The painting is finished. He’s proud of himself. But he’s also so exhausted.
With a deep breath, Wonbin approaches Sungchan, still lying on the floor, and smiles. "I'm done," he says, the relief evident in his voice.
Sungchan sits up, rubbing his eyes. He gazes at the completed painting. "It's beautiful."
“Do I deserve to get a beer now?” Wonbin jokes.
Sungchan reaches for the plastic bag inches from him to give Wonbin his reward. He opens one for himself, too.
After finishing their drinks, they packed up their things and decided to go home. It’s two in the morning, and they both need rest. Sungchan offers to walk Wonbin home, but Wonbin has a different idea.
"You should stay the night," he says. "It's already late. Just sleep at my place."
Sungchan considers the suggestion for a moment. He does have some necessities in Wonbin’s apartment, including extra clothes, an additional suit, and underwear for instances like this. It's an option he has often chosen when he wants to spend the night with Wonbin.
It’s not really hard to make a decision. Sungchan would always say yes to the prospect of sleeping together. Literally or not.
Sungchan comes to bed first, slipping under the covers wearing only a pair of boxers. It's a sight that never fails to set Wonbin's heart racing. No matter how many times Sungchan has spent the night, he still can't get used to seeing Sungchan's toned arms and stomach. He knows Sungchan's exercise regimen only consists of running every weekend and occasional basketball games with his friends. Sungchan never mentions that he's been lifting lately. How a man who sits at a desk all day at work can maintain such a remarkable physique is a mystery to Wonbin.
As someone who enjoys his privacy and doing things alone, Wonbin discovered that sharing a space with someone isn’t that bad. In the beginning, he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Sungchan coming to his house or him spending the night. Wonbin likes having his alone time. It’s his time to recharge after a whole day of dealing with people. Being alone at night is the only time of the day he could be himself without stressing about other people. He’s not a social person. He doesn’t thrive on getting attention from other people. Having the whole house to himself is a form of relaxation to him.
But Sungchan really has a way with him. He makes it easy for Wonbin to open his space to him, slowly giving him access to the most sacred part of himself. And now, being wrapped in Sungchan's arms at night is one of the things Wonbin looks forward to. The warmth of his body and the scent of his skin comforts Wonbin more than anything else.
As they settle into bed, Wonbin automatically attaches himself to Sungchan. He buries his face in Suncghan’s chest, inhaling the familiar scent of mint and wood that clings to Sungchan, bringing him tranquility and a sense of home.
Wonbin asks about what happened to Sungchan’s dinner with his colleagues. Sungchan shares that it’s indeed Eunseok’s idea to go after finding out Wonbin was stuck working in the studio. Sungchan bailed out early because he really wanted to go to Wonbin.
“Congratulations, love,” Wonbin says, rubbing his nose with Sungchan’s. He’s proud of him, and seeing him achieve his goals warms his heart.
“Thank you,” Sungchan says, grinning. He slips his hand under Wonbin’s shirt and playfully touches his lower back. “What’s my reward?”
“Hmm..” Wonbin pretends to be thinking, but he already knows what Sungchan wants. He can’t do it tonight, though. He’s really beat and his back is killing him. If he gives in, he might not be able to walk tomorrow.
It's then that Sungchan says something that catches Wonbin by surprise. "What if we move in together?"
It’s not what he’s expecting Sungchan to ask from him.
The words hang in the air. Wonbin raises his head to look at Sungchan, his eyes filled with curiosity. "Move in together?"
Sungchan nods, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Since we’re both busy with work, it would make it easier for us to see each other if we lived together."
The prospect of sharing a living space is a significant decision for Wonbin. Living independently grants him the freedom to be his true self without being bound by another person's preferences or the obligation to adapt to someone else. He has his own rules and his own way of organizing things. He’s free from concerns about someone else disapproving of his habits.
At the same time, he also values his relationship with Sungchan. Living with him would mean sacrificing some of those liberties, but it would also mean waking up to Sungchan every morning. It would mean sharing meals, doing groceries together, and coming home to his boyfriend every day.
His heart races as he considers the offer. "What do you say?" Sungchan asks. He sounds hopeful.
The question has been unexpected, but as Wonbin gazes into Sungchan's eyes, he knows there is only one answer. "Yes."
It came out effortlessly. The idea of living together seems like a new adventure, a leap into a future where they can build their life together. He has faith that it will be an exciting journey.
Sungchan's face lights up with joy, holding Wonbin even closer. Wonbin feels that he has found something rare and precious in Sungchan. He was wary of love two years ago, having lost faith in it. Sungchan has not only reignited that faith but has shown him what a loving, caring relationship can be. It's a love worth sacrificing some of his precious habits for.
*
It’s been two weeks since that night. No calls or messages from Sungchan. Nothing. Just like when he walked out of their shared apartment a little more than six months ago, Wonbin is left dealing with his feelings. He couldn’t blame Sungchan at all. He let it happen. He allowed himself to be delusional for a night. He ignored the only rational voice telling him that sleeping with Sungchan was the worst idea after a breakup.
Wonbin expects Sungchan to think the same. Nothing good comes out at 3 in the morning. Moreover, making decisions after drinking and while you're horny and miserable never had a good outcome. Surely, Sungchan realized that when he was already sober and didn't have a raging boner to take care of.
He has acknowledged his mistakes and is dealing with the repercussions now, so he doesn’t know what Sungchan’s brother is doing at the bar. What kind of crimes did he do in his past life for him to deal with not one, but two Jungs in a span of two weeks.
Just like Sungchan, he hasn't seen Jaehyun after the breakup. They kept in touch, though. Jaehyun became one of the people Wonbin could confide in. He always treated him like Wonbin was already part of the family. He often sided with him whenever he caught them fighting. More often than not, Sungchan got more scolding.
“Hyung,” Wonbin pockets the rag he’s using to wipe the bartop when he sees Jaehyun walk in. The older Jung is not wearing his usual long-sleeved shirt and slacks. Instead, he’s just in a t-shirt and jeans paired with a cream corduroy jacket.
“Are you surprised?” Jaehyun flashes him a smile that makes dimples appear on his cheeks.
Who the hell won’t be? There is no reason for him to be here.
Wonbin looks around. They just opened. Literally, Jaehyun is their only customer. He feels guilty for doing this a lot lately, talking to friends while working. Taeyong isn't here, and Wonbin is sure he won’t be reprimanded, but people must stop bothering him at work.
“You should've told me you're coming.”
“Where's the fun in that?” Jaehyun chuckles and then asks for a can of ginger ale. He says he's not drinking tonight because he’s flying out of the country tomorrow morning. “I just need to talk to you.”
Wonbin doesn’t think Jaehyun is here to talk to him about what happened that night. Sungchan isn’t the type to kiss and tell. He could share some things with his brother, but not something as personal as that. And Wonbin is certain Sungchan won’t ever tell Jaehyun what they did because he would kill him. Jaehyun was vocal at how pissed he was for what Sungchan did.
“Don’t ever get back together with that asshole,” Jaehyun told Sungchan when he found out about the breakup.
Shrugging off that thought, Wonbin gets a can from the fridge before he gives it to Jaehyun. He slips a napkin under it and bends a bit forward, a playful grin on his face. He assumes Jaehyun is there to talk about his travel plans at the end of the year with his girlfriend, Somi. He is planning to propose if things would go well. It’s their topic on the last conversation they had over at Kakaotalk.
“Have you found the perfect ring, hyung?” Wonbin asks, enthusiastic about the development of Jaehyun’s plans. The idea is to take Somi to Australia, go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, and pop the question in the boat. Both adrenaline junkies, Australia is their dream destination. Jaehyun has been saving up for it (and for the ring). It will be extra special if he makes the proposal there.
“Not yet. I actually wanna ask if you could come with me to pick out the ring.”
Wonbin is dumbfounded. He's interested in Jaehyun’s plans but doesn't consider himself the ideal person to select a ring for a girl, especially for Somi. While they know each other and have met several times when he and Sungchan were still together, they aren't close enough for him to know what kind of diamond cut she wants or if she prefers silver over gold for the band. “Me?”
“Yeah,” Jaehyun takes a chug of his drink. “I can’t ask her best friend because she might tell Somi about it.”
Wonbin awkwardly smiles, scratching the back of his head. “I’m not sure, hyung.”
Jaehyun tilts his head to the side. “Why? I’m sure whatever you pick is going to be pretty.”
“But, I don’t know Somi-noona that much. What if she doesn’t like the one I chose?”
Jaehyun chuckles. “It won’t happen. And besides, I wanna spend time with you outside. It’s getting depressing each time I come here.”
Wobin then realized it’s been a while since he met Jaehyun outside work. It’s always been Jaehyun who visits him to see how he is doing. Ever since the breakup, like Shotaro, Jaehyun hasn’t failed to check up on him. Although, he doesn't need to do those things anymore. Jaehyun shouldn’t be obliged to make sure that he’s not starving or living on the streets. Sometimes, Wonbin feels no longer comfortable about Jaehyun taking care of him or sending him food (mostly groceries, but he also sends him cooked meals from their mom). He’s not sure if Sungchan is aware of this. If he is, Wonbin will feel more awkward. Nevertheless, he’s thankful that Jaehyun still treats him like his own brother.
Out of gratitude, Wonbin says yes to the invitation. “Alright.”
“Great!” Jaehyun's smile widens, and the dimples on his cheeks become visible. “Let’s meet at 11am on Saturday, then have brunch first. I will text you the place.”
He mentally reminds himself to research how women prefer their engagement rings. He knew how he wanted his. He had thought about it some moons ago, but, of course, girls have different tastes than men.
*
After learning that Sungchan has left, Wonbin finds himself outside Shotaro's apartment. He doesn’t plan on coming over, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Shotaro is the only person in his life aware of what’s happening with him and Sungchan.
"What the fuck happened?" Shotaro asks when he opens his door and sees Wonbin distraught. There are unshed tears in his eyes.
“Sungchan’s gone.”
Shotaro drags Wonbin inside. “What do you mean Sungchan’s gone?” It’s eight in the morning. He should be on his way to work by now. Wonbin feels terrible for ruining his best friend’s day, but he has nowhere else to go.
“I came home this morning, and all his stuff is gone,” Wonbin says.
Shotaro guides him to his bedroom and makes him sit on his bed as he prepares hot tea. Wonbin still can’t believe that Sungchan is gone. He’s not answering his phone. He’s not replying to his messages. He was thinking about going to his workplace to personally confront him. Despite his heightened emotions, Wonbin knew better.
Shotaro comes back to the bedroom with a cup of hot tea. “What the hell happened? Why did he leave?””
Wonbin tells him about the fight that happened last night, the words he said, and how Sungchan took them. He didn’t think that would cause Sungchan to pack his things and leave without a word. He went to work last night with a heavy heart, but he didn’t expect to have it crushed when he got home.
Wonbin understands that the past few weeks were rough for them. The fights were not letting up. They couldn’t solve what was wrong with them. They couldn’t even pinpoint the source of their misunderstandings. It’s just constant arguments for days, making up and fucking each other, and then repeating it all over again. It’s exhausting. There were days when Wonbin wanted to give up, too. But he didn’t because he loved Sungchan. He believed that they could get through all of this one day. He didn’t know that he was the only one holding on. He didn’t realize that Sungchan was already on the edge and just waiting for the day he could let go.
Shotaro only rubs his back while he listens. When Wonbin can’t hold his tears any longer, he hides under the duvet. He doesn’t like people seeing him cry. He doesn’t like people seeing his emotions. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“You're late for your job now.”
Shotaro laughs. “I can’t make it to work anymore, you idiot.” He has called in sick for the day, and Wonbin appreciates that Shotaro chooses to be with him right now.
“I don’t know what to do.” Wonbin murmurs. His voice is cracking because his tears won’t stop.
“If you want, just stay here for a while.” Shotaro offers. “And stop calling Sungchan, for god’s sake.”
“I need to talk to him.”
“But he clearly doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Wonbin tightens his grip on the comforter. It’s hard to admit that Shotaro is right, even though it's the truth.
Shotaro sighs, putting his hand on top of Wonbin’s head under the sheets. "You've given this relationship your all. Sometimes, love isn't enough, and holding onto something that's causing you so much pain... it's not healthy anymore."
Wonbin stays covered with the comforter as if trying to shield himself from the reality he's been avoiding as if drowning in the sheets can make his heartaches disappear. He closes his eyes and lets the memories flood back in. He sees Sungchan in front of him in the cafe where they met. It was the first time he talked to him, and he remembers how Sungchan tried so hard to appear that he wasn’t nervous, even though his hands were trembling.
He remembers their first date. Sungchan took him to Everland, but Wonbin hated amusement parks because he was too afraid to get on any rides. Hence, they just ate the whole day and watched the fireworks after. It was the first time Sungchan held his hand, and Wonbin finally had a happy memory in a place he didn't like as a kid.
He remembers their first kiss. It was after their movie date. Wonbin was the one who picked the movie - a romance movie. He can't remember the title or what it’s about anymore. All he could remember was Sungchan walking him home. Before Wonbin could enter his apartment, Sungchan told him he wanted to kiss him but was too nervous to act on it, so Wonbin pulled him down and kissed him. It was messy and uncoordinated. They were laughing right after, but it kept Wonbin awake all night.
Wonbin remembers the first time they made love. It was Sungchan's birthday, and they went to Busan. It’s their first trip as a couple, just for the weekend since they both have work. They've been dating for a while already, so Wonbin figured it's the best time to take another step in their relationship, and it's a perfect birthday gift to Sungchan, who's been really patient and who kept his hands to himself even at times when not jumping on Wonbin was a challenge.
Wonbin remembers the first fight that would launch a thousand fights and eventually be the cause of their downfall. Sungchan didn't inform Wonbin that he would be coming home late and that their department had another drinking party. He reeked of alcohol and smelled like he had smoked. Wonbin hated the smell of smoke. Although Sungchan wasn't a habitual user, he did smoke occasionally when he was drinking, and he had been drinking frequently lately. When Wonbin told him that he didn’t understand what all this drinking was about because having something to celebrate every other day was ridiculous, Sungchan retorted with, “You should get a real job so you would know.”
It was a pebble that started an avalanche. The smallest things escalated into endless arguments. Petty fights about unpaid bills and lost shirts turned into an unbreakable cycle of quarrels until they grew tired of each other.
“I love him.” Wonbin’s voice is hoarse. He only had three hours of sleep since yesterday. He’s tired from work. His mind is exhausted from thinking of Sungchan. His heart is bruised from the emotional pain. “It hurts so much.”
Shotaro lets him cry until Wonbin has no more tears left. He calls Taeyong to tell him that Wonbin won’t be coming to work that night while Wonbin is sleeping. When Wonbin wakes up, he receives a text from Sungchan. It’s just about how he will get the rest of his things. Two days later, Sungchan finally calls to apologize. At that point, Wonbin has already accepted that they’re over. He doesn’t need explanations. He doesn’t want to hear excuses. At that point, he never knew he was capable of thinking the worst of Sungchan.
*
As an anime enthusiast, Wonbin didn’t have the heart to say no when Shotaro asked him to watch The Boy and the Heron with him in the cinema. It’s his day off, and he thought, what could go wrong if he spent it with his best friend for a change instead of just staying cooped up at home and pretending the world outside didn’t exist?
Shotaro volunteers to buy the tickets, so Wonbin says he's taking care of the snacks. The show is at 9 pm; there are many people, just enough not to make Wonbin run back home. As he stands in line, he suddenly catches wind of familiar voices nearby. A quick glance to his left confirms his suspicions – Sungchan and Jungwoo are there.
A few yards away, Jungwoo is holding a bucket of popcorn in one hand and a cup of large soda in the other. Sungchan is holding the same. They were chatting, laughing at whatever they were talking about. Jungwoo is sporting his signature flashy casual style, skinny pants paired with a low-neck tee underneath a white biker jacket. He's wearing makeup, his eyelids are evidently shimmering, and his lips are red and glossed.
Sungchan, on the other hand, is wearing a black tee underneath a navy checkered overshirt paired with slim-cut jeans. It seems like he's growing his hair, his fringe falling just above his eyelashes. He looks so good. He's so effortlessly handsome.
Wonbin looks down on himself. He's just wearing his gray oversized hoodie and baggy pants. Basically, he wore the first thing he saw in his closet. He's also too lazy to wear his contacts, so he's wearing his thick-rimmed glasses and doesn't bother to put on anything on his face. He's pale as hell.
Compared to Jungwoo, Wonbin looks like garbage.
He doesn't wanna be seen looking like that. He tries to hide behind the man before him and prays that the line will move more quickly. He still can't see Shotaro anywhere. Why the hell didn't he buy tickets online?
He doesn't expect to see Sungchan again like this after what happened that night. If it is up to him, he doesn't want to see Sungchan again. If they see each other again, he prefers if he's already happy with someone else and is already a successful painter. Not like when he's looking like a loser.
Once in front of the cashier, Wonbin hurriedly orders their food, not really thinking about what he wants to eat or what Shotaro might want. He just ordered the usual and paid.
It took him seven minutes to complete his transaction, two minutes to go in another direction and hope Shotaro finds him hiding beside a vending machine, and just one minute for Sungchan to see him in his pathetic state.
"Wonbin?" Sungchan stops to check if it really is him.
Wonbin curses internally but still is able to flash a convincing smile at his ex-boyfriend, who looks like he is on a date with his supervisor, whom Wonbin also happens to hate. "Hey."
"Watching a movie?" Sungchan comes closer, and Wonbin wishes he doesn't. Wonbin shields himself using the bucket of popcorn and the two sodas he's holding.
"Yes. I'm waiting for Shotaro. He's buying the tickets."
"Oh, what movie?"
"The Boy and the Heron," Wonbin replies. "You?"
"The Marvels."
Oh yeah. Sungchan is a big fan of the Marvel movies. The first Marvel movie they saw together was Thor: Love and Thunder. He has a collection of action figures that were displayed at home when they were still together. He also has the character boxers that Wonbin often said were childish but really found them adorable.
Wonbin used to be the one who went to the cinemas with Sungchan whenever he watched new Marvel movies. He supposes it's Jungwoo’s job now.
Shotaro finally arrives and saves him from digging his own grave.
"Sungchan?" Shotaro calls.
"Hey, it's been a while."
They hug. Wonbin is itching for them to leave.
But obviously, his best friend doesn't take the hint. "Who are you with?"
Before Sungchan can answer, Wonbin butts in. "It's almost show time. Let's go." Wonbin tugs Shotaro's arm.
Shotaro looks down at the tickets he is holding to confirm the time. "Right." He says, then looks back at Sungchan. "Nice to see you, Sungchan."
Wonbin just flashes Sungchan a tight-lipped smile before turning around.
He doesn't need Sungchan to tell him he's on a date. He already knows that.
*
Arriving ten minutes early at the Japanese restaurant Jaehyun selected for their brunch, Wonbin is taken aback by its elegance. Sushi isn't exactly what he had in mind for an early morning meal. He anticipated a casual setting, perhaps a cafe with pancakes or an Italian diner, given Jaehyun's fondness for pasta and bread with Balsamic sauce. So, the text with the address of this upscale Japanese place confuses him a bit.
But then again, this is Jaehyun—spontaneous and unpredictable.
Greeted by a lady in a pink kimono, Wonbin is led to a private room that resembles scenes from the dramas Sungchan used to watch: a low table on a tatami mat, surrounded by comfy zabuton cushions. She bows gracefully before closing the sliding door.
This is uncharted territory for Wonbin. Firstly, he isn't a fan of Japanese food, and secondly, dining at such high-end places isn't part of his usual routine. Even when he and Sungchan were together, fancy restaurants were a rarity. There were times Sungchan wanted to treat him to a candle-lit dinner with wine and a nice city view, but Wonbin would always insist that they should just buy a cheap bottle of wine and cook something at home. He didn't want Sungchan wasting money on unnecessary extravagances.
Another lady, this time in a powder blue kimono, brings a kettle of tea and two cups. Wonbin thanks her, and before she can respond, the other party arrives, escorted by the same lady. He looks up from his phone and freezes as if he's seen a ghost. It's not Jaehyun—Jaehyun isn't that tall and doesn't have such broad shoulders. It's Sungchan.
Before he can look away, Wonbin meets Sungchan's eyes, the most excruciating five seconds of his life. Sungchan looks surprised too, his body turning visibly rigid as he sits down in front of Wonbin.
Questions flood Wonbin's mind. Why is Sungchan here? Is Jaehyun still coming? Are the three of them going together, or is it just him and Sungchan now?
"It's clearly a setup," Sungchan says, interrupting Wonbin's thoughts. "You're overthinking again."
Wonbin looks at his balled fists on his lap.
After that night, he realized that getting back with Sungchan was mere wishful thinking. Regret is pointless. What they did was a mistake, and he only made it worse for himself. He misses Sungchan more. His absence just reminded him of the loneliness he had to live with now.
Wonbin hates feeling like this, miserable and helpless. He's been strong all his life, never needing anyone to survive. Losing his parents in high school forced him to rely on himself. Past lovers came and went without him feeling abandoned. Being alone was something he’s accustomed to, not something he wanted to avoid.
Then Sungchan happened and showed him that not being alone wasn't that bad. He got so used to it that he mourns its loss. And he's not handling it well.
He didn't ask for any of this. He doesn't want people to think this is what he wants. He didn’t want Sungchan to think he asked his brother to set this meeting so they could talk. How he wants to deal with his broken heart is his business. He doesn't want anyone interfering. He’s trying to unlearn how to depend on someone and relearn how to be with himself. That’s how his life’s going to be from now on and the last thing he wants right now is to see the person who makes these changes hard for him.
"I didn't ask for this," Wonbin echoes his feelings, eyes fixed on his lap as he tightens his fist. "I only agreed because I was supposed to help your brother pick out his engagement ring."
Sungchan sighs, massaging his temples in frustration. "He's been engaged for a month now."
Wonbin looks back up, disbelief evident. "What?"
According to Sungchan, Jaehyun proposed to Somi a month ago, no grand gestures or gimmicks. It happened quietly in Somi's apartment, a secret known only to close friends and family. knowing the two of them, they wouldn't broadcast it in their social media accounts. The wedding is set for next year. It would also be an intimate affair.
Wonbin had believed that he and Jaehyun were close enough for Jaehyun to share important news like this. He had even considered himself special when Jaehyun asked him to pick out the ring for Somi. He feels stupid for letting these Jung brothers make a fool of him.
"Then, why..."
"He wants us to talk," Sungchan tells him.
What else is there to talk about? Wonbin has nothing more to say. He doesn't need Sungchan's explanations.
"What are we going to talk about?" Wonbin asks sincerely, genuinely curious. He doesn't want to be angry at Jaehyun. Wonbin knows he only has good intentions, whatever they are, but he has no clue what Jaehyun is trying to do or solve at this point.
People really need to back off.
Wonbin watches as Sungchan runs his fingers through his hair, frustrated. They've been thrust into a situation without consent, forced into a conversation neither of them wants. Talking hasn't been effective for them before. If talking could fix things, they wouldn't be here. Wonbin talked too much before, too much for Sungchan, and that's part of why Sungchan left.
"You hate talking, so why talk now?" Wonbin couldn't help the anger in his tone. His emotions are stirred today, unceremoniously.
"Are we really going to do it like this? It's been seven months, Wonbin." Sungchan's tone reminds Wonbin of the night he left. If Sungchan's tired of situations like this, of talking and not solving anything, Wonbin is a hundred times worse. He's carried so much pain, suppressing it to keep going. It's not easy hurting and trying to be strong simultaneously.
Looking at Sungchan's frustration clarifies things for Wonbin.
Wonbin shakes his head. "Let's not do this. I don't want to do this anymore."
This time, he wants to be the one to leave. He wants to run away from Sungchan, from the pain, from a love he can't have again.
"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye properly," Sungchan says before Wonbin can stand up. "I'm sorry I left without telling you."
Wonbin remembers how every day after Sungchan left, the apartment became emptier. Another batch of Sungchan's things disappeared until only Wonbin's remained. They never talked again. Sungchan informed him through text that he would gradually retrieve his things while Wonbin was at work to avoid confrontation, making Wonbin believe that Sungchan wanted to leave things like that. Wonbin just accepted it. Wonbin didn't demand explanations. He respected and understood what Sungchan wanted.
"It was wrong. I'm sorry," Sungchan continues.
"It's okay," Wonbin says, because what else can he say?
Wonbin doesn't need to hear more, but Sungchan keeps talking. "I never hated you. I never felt our relationship was wearing me down. I just didn't know how to stop hurting you."
Wonbin can't believe what he's hearing. It sounds absurd. "You don't want to hurt me by leaving me?"
"We were fighting a lot. Everything I did was wrong. I didn't know how to make things right. Every time you looked at me, all I saw was how mad you were at me. I couldn't take it anymore."
"You think you stopped hurting me when you left?" Wonbin asks. All the pent-up pain resurfaces, and he can't stop himself from letting it all out. He doesn't want to hurt Sungchan anymore. He doesn't want to hurt himself further. But he's powerless over his emotions right now.
"I didn't know what else to do!"
Tears threaten to fall from Wonbin's eyes, but he fights not to let them fall. It’s enough that Sungchan is forcing him to react. He doesn't need to see him cry.
"I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to leave. I would understand if you were tired of me. I wouldn't hold you back if you didn't love me anymore. I just wished you told me."
Sungchan doesn't speak, so Wonbin continues. "I know I was at fault, too, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm sorry I was unbearable. I'm sorry I was so difficult to love. I'm sorry I wasn't enough."
Sungchan puts his fist on the table, making a loud sound. "Wonbin, stop."
Wonbin stares him in the eyes. Sungchan is mad. The same kind of mad whenever they fought. He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I don't– This doesn't matter anymore, but– I just– please stop saying that. You were enough for me. Don't ever say you weren't."
He's breathing heavily, his face red, and his eyes wet. Wonbin has never seen him this furious before. Sungchan has always been patient, the one who cheers them up when things go wrong. To see him surrounded by such dark energy makes Wonbin more miserable because he's the one who caused it. He's the one who took the light out of his sunshine.
"I never loved anyone as much as I loved you. I also never hurt as much as I got hurt because of you. But I never blamed you. I never will," Wonbin says, and tears start falling from Sungchan's eyes. It's the most agonizing sight Wonbin has ever seen. Nothing can break him more than seeing Sungchan crying and in pain. "All I could do was blame myself to make sense of what happened."
"It's never just your fault, Wonbin."
Wonbin shakes his head.
"I know what happened a couple of weeks ago was a mistake, but I never regretted it." Wonbin has nothing to lose anymore. He doesn't mind looking pathetic right now, begging for love and asking to be taken back. All he feels is pain, and nothing can take it away other than Sungchan. "If I could undo everything, I would, so I can have you back."
Both of them are quiet for a few seconds, trying to make sense of what Wonbin just said. Sungchan is taken aback. Wonbin holds his ground. It's now or never.
Sungchan looks up, wiping his tears using the back of his hand. He is contemplating. He looks back at Wonbin and smiles, but not a hopeful one. It's apologetic. "I never loved anyone as much as I loved you," Sungchan says softly, almost like a whisper, echoing what Wonbin said earlier. His tears start running down his cheeks again. "But we can't undo what happened. We can't undo what we did to each other."
Wonbin is breaking apart piece by piece inside. He couldn't get himself to cry as he is already numb.
"I'm leaving for Shanghai next week. We're opening a branch there, and I'm part of the team overseeing the operations for the next few months." Sungchan shares. "I'm not sure how long I will be there."
Wonbin can only nod and smile. He still can't feel anything, but Sungchan doesn't have to know that. He understands what Sungchan is trying to tell him.
"I'm happy for you," Wonbin says. It would mean a lot more if he actually feels something right now.
Sungchan reaches out to hold Wonbin's hand, but Wonbin retracts it. He is still trying to look like he isn't breaking apart. There is no reason for him to stay anymore so he takes his phone out of his pocket to make an excuse. "Shotaro just sent a message. He needs my help or something. It's– he needs me. I– an emergency. I have to go."
Wonbin stands up and gathers his things. He didn't fully put on his shoes. He just wants to get away from there as fast as possible. He just wants to get away from Sungchan. He wishes for the pain to finally release its grip on him.
It's finally time to let Sungchan go.
*
Lying on top of his shirt in his locker, Wonbin’s phone vibrates as he changes to his casual clothes. He just finished his shift for the night and is ready to go home. He glances at the screen and sees Eunseok's name flashing. He and Eunseok don’t really talk to each other, even when he was dating Sungchan. They’re cool, but they never really had something to talk to besides asking each other about Sungchan’s whereabouts. Eunseok never called him to chat about other things. It’s always about Suncgan.
Although he already has a clue about what this call is about and considering how his last conversation with Sungchan went, Wonbin still wonders why Eunseok is calling him.
Answering it with a casual "Hey," Wonbin tries to sound calm.
"Hey, man?" Eunseok's words hold an urgency that catches Wonbin's attention.
“Hey, Eunseok. What’s up?”
“So..” Eunseok says. Wonbin doesn’t know how he sounds when he’s drunk, but he is clearly intoxicated by how extra cheerful he is and how he slurs his words. “I lost sight of Sungchan.”
“Huh? What is going on?” Wonbin's casual demeanor shifts to a more attentive one.
“We have a little party for him before he goes to Shanghai. He says he’s just going to the bathroom, but it’s been an hour, and I can’t contact him. I’m just shooting my shot here. Is he with you?”
Wonbin turned his phone to loudspeaker mode so he could finish changing. He puts on his jacket and slings his messenger bag across his body before leaving the locker room. “No, he’s not with me. I’m still at Siren.”
“Oh. Okay…” Eunseok contemplates.
“Maybe he’s already at your place. Just go home, Eunseok.”
“Why would he be at my place, though?”
Wonbin turns off the loudspeaker once he’s out on the streets. It’s really getting colder now that the fall season is coming to an end. “Because he lives with you?”
There is a brief silence on the other end before Eunseok hesitantly speaks. "Uh, he's not living with me. He's been staying at his brother's place since you guys..."
The revelation lands like a punch to Wonbin's gut. He didn’t expect Sungchan to live with his brother. Sungchan can live in a mountain of garbage for days, but Jaehyun will die if there is a single dirty fork in the sink. If Wonbin is already considered a clean freak, Jaehyun would be the pack's leader. This information is making Wonbin’s head spin.
“Did you try calling Jaehyun?” Wonbin asks. He stops at a convenience store for a bit to finish the call.
“I don’t know his number.”
“Okay, I’ll call him and then call you back.”
“Alright. Thanks, man.”
Wonbin hangs up and dials Jaehyun’s number right away. He doesn’t waste time telling him why he called when the older answers.
“I’m not in Seoul,” Jaehyun says, voice groggy. Wonbin feels terrible for waking him up at two in the morning. Jaehyun says he’s in Daejeon for a project, but he will be back tomorrow just in time to take his brother to the airport the day after. “Don’t worry about him. Leave him to die in the streets or whatever.”
Jaehyun perhaps senses that Wonbin is worrying, so he says “You can check up on him, if you want.” He tells Wonbin his security key and will inform the lobby attendant that he’s coming over in case they check.
“Thanks, hyung.”
“If he’s there, I’m not gonna stop you if you wanna kill him.”
"I’ll let you know when the job is done." Wonbin jokes. Jaehyun chuckles on the other line before he hangs up.
Determined to get this over with and get home as fast as possible, Wonbin hailed a cab to go to Jaehyun’s place. He has no choice but to check on Sungchan himself. He hopes Sungchan is passed out so he doesn't have to talk to him and explain why he’s there. He’s really not in the mood for another conversation.
After inputting Jaehyun’s security password, Wonbin cautiously pushes open the door. "Sungchan?" he calls out, worry evident in his voice. It doesn’t take two seconds for Wonbin to see Sungchan sprawled on the sofa, passed out from drinking too much again.
Wonbin takes out his phone and calls Eunseok back to tell him he’s found Sungchan.
Now, what? Wonbin steels himself and assesses the situation. He told himself just minutes ago that he would leave the moment he confirmed that Sungchan was home. But knowing how he is when he gets drunk, and no one would take care of him, Wonbin is about to lose his resolve once again.
“Ugh fuck it!” Wonbin throws his hands in the air and decides to stay just until Sungchan feels better.
The first thing he does is to move Sungchan to the bedroom. It is a challenge, given that Sungchan is significantly heavier, and his dead weight is too much for Wonbin’s smaller body. Wonbin hopes he’s going in the right direction. If he’s not, he will let Sungchan deal with his brother’s wrath when he finds out he made a mess in his room.
Wonbin is relieved when he opens the door and sees Sungchan’s action figures displayed on the floating shelves on the right side of the room. He drops Sungchan on the bed, lifting his legs up so they won’t hang on the edge. He begins undressing Sungchan, a task he’s done many times before (both when drunk and not). Sungchan is burning up; his skin is flushed all over and covered with sweat. Wonbin then heads to the bathroom to get a basin with cold water and a towel to give Sungchan a sponge bath.
As the water fills the basin, Wonbin keeps berating himself. Why are you still doing this? Why are you so stupid? He’s not your responsibility anymore.
A grunting noise from the bedroom snaps Wonbin out of his thoughts. Sunghan has gotten up and wants to puke. Wonbin promptly returns to the bedroom, guiding him to the bathroom before he vomits on himself. Since they’re already in the bathroom, Wonbin decides to just give him the sponge bath in the tub.
Once Sungchan is dressed and comfortably settled in bed, Wonbin goes to the kitchen to cook something. Sungchan needs something warm for his stomach after emptying it. He gently wakes Sungchan and tries to feed him the porridge he cooked. Sungchan is still out of it, but he sits up. After eating and taking his temperature (it's still 38 degrees), Wonbin tucks him to bed. He then retreats to the living room; exhaustion catches up with him as he sinks into the couch. He tells himself he’s only going to nap for a few minutes before he goes home, but the nap for a few minutes turns into a full sleep.
Morning light filters into the room and Wonbin stirs from his sleep on the couch. Sungchan is already up and about in the kitchen when he opens his eyes. Wonbin is surprised to see him out of bed, considering the state he had been in just hours ago.
"Good morning," Suncghan says. Wonbin is already covered in a blanket that wasn't there last night.
He's not dressed for work. He's just wearing what Wonbin made him wear last night: a white tee and his gray sweatpants.
"Eat first before you go," Sungchan suggests, his concern evident. The smell of fried eggs and sausages filled the room. Wonbin’s stomach is growling. He hasn’t eaten in twelve hours. But he can’t stay.
Wonbin excuses himself to the bathroom, seeking a moment to collect himself. He splashes water on his face, the cool sensation helping to shake off the remnants of sleep. "I have work in an hour," He tells Sungchan when he gets out of the bathroom. Of course, it’s a lie. He doesn’t have any part-time work to go to today.
“Oh.. okay.”
"I'm gonna be late," Wonbin adds, grabbing his messenger bag from where he had left it on the living room floor.
"Thanks for taking care of me last night," Sungchan says.
"It's nothing," Wonbin busies himself with putting on his shoes. "I left aspirin on your bedside table in case your head still hurts. Jaehyun-hyung doesn't have them in his medicine cabinet. Tell him to buy some when he comes back. Also, I already prepared lemon water in the fridge. Just drink it when–”
His words trail off unexpectedly when he feels a sudden embrace, arms enveloping him, a body pressing against his back, and warm breath on his nape. Wonbin doesn't know how his heart can break in a span of four days. But he stays put and allows Sungchan to hold him. He can feel his heart beating on his back. He can smell his distinct scent. Wonbin is thankful he can still have all this before they ultimately separate. He hopes the next time he falls in love (if there will be a next time), he will be as happy as he was with Sungchan. He hopes he can love someone again as much as he loved Sungchan. He hopes he can do better when that person comes.
"Sungchan, I have to go." Saying that only tightens Suncghan's hold on him. Sungchan kisses the side of his neck. Wonbin closes his eyes. He has to be strong for the two of them. What happened last time can't happen again. They both have to let go now. "Don't make it harder for the both of us."
"Just one more minute," Sungchan whispers.
“Thank you, Sungchan.” Wonbin mutters, turning around to face Sungchan. This time, he doesn’t stop himself from crying. He let his tears fall in front of Sungchan. Sungchan stares back at him. There are tears in his eyes, too. “Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for loving me. Three years went by quicker than I thought I'd be with you, but I was happy in those three years.”
Wonbin wipes the tears on Sungchan’s cheeks with his thumbs. He smiles. It’s not a lie, not just to show Sungchan he’s okay. Wonbin smiles because he’s finally liberating the pain in his heart. “I hope you’ll find someone that will love you better than I did. I won’t be sad when that time comes because you deserve the world.”
Sungchan takes him in his arms while he sobs on Wonbin’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry I made you cry again.” Wonbin says.
As they sit in that silent embrace, time seems to linger. He keeps asking himself why they must go through this when they can just be together. But then he remembers this isn't about what he wants but what Sungchan needs. It's about respecting Sungchan's choice.
This may be what they both need. Perhaps this time apart will do them good. If one day fate will bring them back together, Wonbin will never let Sungchan go again and will do his best to keep him. But if not, he’ll gladly accept it and move on. What they had will always be special to Wonbin. Sungchan will always be special.
As Wonbin records every detail of Sungchan in his mind – the way his arms feel around him, the warmth of his breath, and the scent of his skin – he realizes that there is love in holding, and there is love in letting go.
He will be okay. They will be okay.
*
Wonbin stands before the mirror inside his wardrobe, his gaze fixed on his reflection. The blue pinstriped shirt and dark blue dress pants give him a sophisticated look. He takes the time to curl his hair slightly and applies a touch of foundation and lip gloss. He contemplates adding a bit of nude eyeshadow to make his eyes stand out. He can almost hear Shotaro's voice in his head, saying it might be a bit too much.
"What the hell," he mumbles to himself, deciding to go for it. He retrieves his trusty palette from the drawer and, using the pads of his fingers, applies the eyeshadow.
Sungchan is arriving in ten minutes, but Wonbin still can't figure out if he's wearing black boots or white and black brogues. Wonbin is clearly nervous. This is his first corporate event. Sungchan has invited him as his date to the company anniversary party, even though they have only been dating for five months. He didn't really wanna go because those kinds of events aren't his thing. He's not sure how he will act or if he will fit in. Sungchan, however, reassures him, insisting that it's okay and that he should attend.
As Wonbin grapples with the decision, his phone buzzes in his pocket. Sungchan is already in the basement parking lot. Wonbin checks himself one last time in the mirror before settling on the black boots.
"Wow," Sungchan exclaims upon entering the car. Sungchan doesn't usually drive, but he borrowed his brother's car for the occasion.
"What?" Wonbin feels a warm flush on his cheeks. Sungchan looks equally dashing in his dark brown suit, a white shirt peeking from beneath with the first two buttons open. His hair is neatly parted in the middle, like how actors style it these days. Despite not wearing makeup, Sungchan's natural beauty is nothing short of captivating.
"Good thing I brought hyung's car."
"Huh?"
"A prince doesn't deserve to commute," Sungchan grins, leaning in to steal a quick kiss from Wonbin. The gesture sends a pleasant shiver down Wonbin's spine, momentarily alleviating the jitters he is feeling.
The venue for the party is a luxurious hotel in the heart of Seoul. The ambiance is sophisticated. Wonbin, feeling slightly out of his element, sticks close to Sungchan as they enter the upscale event.
To ease his nerves, Wonbin accepts a flute of champagne one of the servers offered him. The bubbles in the sparkling drink provide a welcome distraction, and he takes small sips while observing the surroundings. Sungchan, already familiar with these kinds of gatherings, guides Wonbin through the crowd towards their designated table. Still nervous, Wobin follows Sungchan's lead and lets him introduce him to his colleagues and bosses.
Wonbin's nerves begin to dissipate after a few interactions and, of course, a few glasses of champagne. As Sungchan guides him around the room, Wonbin engages in conversations, gradually forgetting his initial apprehensions. Sungchan's colleagues and bosses are actually friendly and welcoming.
"So, you're Wonbin." A young man approaches him while Sungchan talks to some middle-aged men Wonbin assumes are the higher-ups. He's almost as tall as Sungchan, with light brown hair on top of his head. "I'm Eunseok."
Wonbin has heard a lot about Eunseok. It's Sungchan's roommate and best friend. They met in college and were interns in the company together before they were absorbed. Sungchan considers Eunseok his best friend, although he never dares to tell it to him.
Wonbin smiles and bows. Eunseok offers his hand to shake, which Wonbin gladly takes. "It's nice to finally meet you."
"Sungchan won't shut up about you. I thought you were just an imaginary boyfriend. Turns out you are real."
Wonbin laughs at that.
Their conversation is interrupted by another man, quite good-looking with a broad smile and graceful movements. Holding a glass of champagne, he taps Eunseok's shoulder. "What do we have here? New face?"
Eunseok turns to the man. "This is Sungchan's boyfriend."
"Oh." The man's smile widens. "Really?"
"Wonbin, this is Jungwoo-hyung. He's our Team Leader."
Wonbin has heard his name before. Not as often as Eunseok's, though. Wonbin offers a polite bow and a smile. "I'm Wonbin."
Jungwoo, breaking the pattern of pleasantries, delves into a more probing inquiry. "So, Wonbin, what do you do?"
Jungwoo is the only person who has asked that question tonight. "I'm a painter," Wonbin replies.
"I've heard he's good," Eunseok chimes in, offering an approving nod.
This seems to pique Jungwoo’s interest further. "Do you have a gallery for your works?"
Wonbin replies, "I don't, but I do exhibitions sometimes and take on commissions."
Jungwoo stares him down, making Wonbin uncomfortable like he is being scrutinized. "I see."
Good thing Sungchan arrives, rescuing Wonbin from the probing conversation. Sungchan leads him back to their table, and despite the relief, Jungwoo joins them. Wonbin avoids dwelling on it, not wanting to let it ruin his night.
As they settle back at the table, Sungchan, observant as ever, notices Wonbin's fidgeting. Leaning in, he whispers, "Are you okay?"
"Are you okay?" Sungchan whispers to his ears when he notices that he is fidgeting.
"Yeah. Just a bit hungry." Wonbin lies.
Wonbin focuses on the program, and as it progresses, Wonbin realizes why Sungchan wants him to come. He's been awarded Newcomer of the Year and wants Wonbin to witness it. Wonbin watches Sungchan receive his plaque on stage, very proud of his achievements.
"Congratulations!" Wonbin cheers as Sungchan returns to their table.
They stayed for an hour more after the program. Wonbin understands that Sunchan has to socialize more, especially since he's received an award. Wonbin doesn't mind. He just spends the remaining time eating the desserts he can’t usually have on a typical day and getting more sparkling drinks (he doesn't plan on getting wasted at this party). He also reminds Sungchan to not drink too much since he's driving. He's thankful that Sungchan obeys and just orders non-alcoholic drinks as well.
Once Wonbin is high in sugar, he explores the gardens outside. Maybe he'll get some sort of inspiration from the landscape design. While it was nice of Eunseok to keep him company while Sungchan was away, he's also an employee and needs to mingle with others as well.
Sungchan's voice breaks through the quiet ambiance of the garden as Wonbin settles onto a swinging bench nestled within an arch of greens and flowers. "Hey, I was looking for you."
Wonbin giggles, "Sorry, I ran out of topics to discuss with Eunseok. Your best friend is so nice, by the way."
"I told you."
"Are you done kissing asses?" Wonbin teases.
Sungchan responds with a playful elbow to his side. "Yeah, I'm done."
"No, but really, you were amazing out there," Wonbin expresses sincerely. Although the corporate world is foreign to Wonbin, it's undeniable that Sungchan thrives in this environment. Wonbin is proud of his achievements. "I'm proud of you."
"Did I impress you?" Sungchan teases.
Wonbin smirks. "Yes, a little."
Taking Wonbin's hand, Sungchan intertwines their fingers and places them on his lap. "I'm glad you came."
"Now I know why you really insisted that I should come. You want to look cool so you can get in my pants."
Sungchan bursts into laughter. "You got me. That's the plan."
Wonbin looks up and notices a stray hair on Sungchan's head. He reaches out to fix it.
"I love you," Sungchan suddenly declares, his gaze unwavering as he looks straight into Wonbin's eyes.
Wonbin freezes, his hand hanging in the air. "What?" he stammers, not because he hasn't heard but because he needs confirmation. He needs reassurance that he heard those three words correctly.
"I love you," Sungchan repeats, a soft sincerity in his voice.
The last five months were the happiest he'd been in a while. Sungchan is kind, funny, not to mention really handsome. When Wonbin met him and agreed to go out with him, he had no expectations. He didn't know if the relationship would progress or if it was just pure physical attraction. But as they spend more time together and get to know each other, Wonbin falls deeply but surely. He still doesn't know where they are heading, but he's excited. Exploring the future together doesn’t seem so bad.
Wonbin closes his eyes as Sungchan leans in, closing the physical and emotional distance between them. Something inside Wonbin seems to explode as Sungchan's lips meet his, and Sungchan's hand moves to the nape of his neck, drawing them closer. Suddenly Wonbin's heart is too big for his chest. Breathing becomes a challenge, as if he were drowning, yet each kiss from Sungchan breathes life into him. He didn't know this is how it feels to fall in love and be loved back.
"I love you, too," Wonbin whispers when they finally part.
And it's the truest statement he has ever said in a while.
*
Wonbin had just finished his interview with a potential client living in an affluent neighborhood in Seoul. He recently met one of his mentors in college, who suggested that he try being an Art Consultant. She knows some people and recommended Wonbin to one of his friends.
"It's a good side job if you're not working on anything right now," she said. "And I believe you have a good eye, so I think it will be perfect for you."
The interview went well. The clients are a middle-aged couple with no kids at the moment. Despite being businessmen, they're both into finer and flashier things in life. The husband doesn't really mind about the design, aesthetic, or the theme. It's the wife who's meticulous and specific about what she wants. But both see collecting art not just as a hobby but also as a potential investment. They don't mind that Wonbin is young and has no prior experience in art consulting. When Wonbin showed them his portfolio, they were quite impressed. They even offered to see some of his works and were interested in buying one.
He plans to start scouting tomorrow so he can present his recommendations on Saturday when they meet again at the gallery, where he can also show them his works. If this goes well and gains more clients, he might quit bartending and all his other part-time jobs. The commission alone can pay his monthly expenses. It's good money, and at the same time, he's doing what he loves.
He's already on the train going home. His phone vibrating in his jacket pocket shakes him off his thoughts. It's a message from Fantasy Maker, the boyfriend rental service company he's working part-time on. He hasn't been contacted by them for a while now. He had planned that he would terminate his contract but keeps on forgetting. He doesn’t have a lot of customers anyway since he isn’t popular with girls (actually even men) because he is bad at it. Some just book him because he’s good looking, they don’t have any choice, or they don’t mind as long as they could make the person they really like jealous.
He's surprised that someone booked him. He looks at the profile of the client. It's a man who wants to have a full-day date. He's a year older than Wonbin and prefers not to use honorifics. He requested holding hands and showing public affection. "Might be another man desperate to break up from their lover."
Wonbin is fine with all of this as long as it's all part of the contract and he's paid accordingly. He can always bail and call for security if the client goes overboard.
The agency told him that the meeting place is at Cafe Lumin, the cafe near his apartment at nine in the morning on Friday. It's an unusual meeting location since he always meets his clients at the actual place where they want to have the date.
Wonbin replies, "Why there?"
The reply comes right away. "The client wants to have a briefing first, and they asked for a place that's most convenient for you."
He rarely gets clients that think about his preferences. In this kind of business, it’s always what the client wants that gets prioritized. "Wow, so considerate," he mutters to himself before he types ‘OK.’
Wonbin thinks it’s a great way to end an era.
*
The client doesn't specify the kind of boyfriend look they want, so Wonbin dresses in his usual date attire: regular fit washed jeans, a simple white low-neck tee (not too low, just enough to show his clavicles), and the sage green cardigan he recently purchased. He styles his hair in a half pony with curtain bangs framing his small face. Not having cut his hair in a year, this is the only way he knows to style it, aside from a full ponytail; he avoids letting it down as it's too much to handle when windy.
Adding a touch of makeup to give his face some color and hide dark circles, he finishes the look with a red tint on his lips. If it were a real date, he'd undoubtedly leave a lasting impression.
Having informed the agency that this would be his last client, Wonbin is determined to pursue a career as an art consultant, hoping it will be the job he can retire into. Maybe, with enough savings, he could even open a small jewelry business someday.
Speaking of jewelry, he picks up the gold necklace with a shooting star pendant – Sungchan's birthday gift to him during their first year of dating. He used to wear it every day because Sungchan liked seeing it on him, and Wonbin also enjoyed wearing it. It's been a while, so Wonbin thinks there's nothing wrong if he wears it again today; after all, no one will know what it means to him.
It's been a year since Sungchan left for Shanghai. He never told Wonbin to wait, nor did he say he would come back. Just like the last day they saw each other, Wonbin doesn't expect anything. He's okay now, prepared to handle the news if Sungchan is dating someone else. A great guy like him can't be single forever. Wonbin accepts that Sungchan's happiness no longer belongs to him, and while it might hurt initially, he will strive to be genuinely happy for him when the time comes. It's enough for Wonbin that he was once a part of Sungchan's life.
The pain has lessened, thanks to therapy. While there are still days he misses Sungchan, it's not as terrible as before. Wonbin has learned to channel his feelings into other activities, like going for a run or researching artworks. He spends time with friends, especially Shotaro, who has opened a little Izakaya. Wonbin helps when he can and accepts food as payment.
Through therapy, he realizes it's not the breakup that hurts the most; it's the post-trauma that follows. It's waking up and not seeing the person he's used to in the morning. It's buying two banana milks by instinct, only to realize he's the only one who will drink them. It's returning to an empty house that used to be filled with loud singing or the sound of drama on the TV. It's blaming himself for what happened to the relationship and starting his life over with no idea where to begin.
Despite feeling better about himself, Wonbin still isn't ready to date. While he has met a few guys and given his number to some, he's not sure if he can be in a relationship right now, serious or not. He has needs as a man, and he knows the only way to satisfy them is to put himself out there again. He downloads his favorite dating app again, but most of the time, he swipes left more than right. The guys he meets randomly on the streets or at places he goes with friends don't pull through. It's not that they aren't attractive; Wonbin just isn't interested. His standards are unrealistic, but Shotaro says it's just his way of saying, "They're not Sungchan."
It's only partly true; there is only one Sungchan on this earth. But Wonbin doesn't close his door to the chance of meeting someone else.
Deciding to wear the necklace because it complements his outfit and might bring him luck, Wonbin arrives a few minutes early at the cafe close to his home. He orders his usual cappuccino before taking his usual table by the window. Taking out his phone, he informs the client that he's already there. A reply comes ten seconds later, saying they'll be there in a bit.
"A bit" only takes three minutes. Wonbin is ready to be the boyfriend of the day, and the extra shot of espresso makes him more energetic than usual. He wants this last client to get the best service from him before he retires, planning even to get extra touchy if the client is up for it.
What he doesn't expect is that his client will be Sungchan.
Wonbin blinks twice to confirm he isn't hallucinating. Sungchan is indeed standing in front of him after more than a year. He is wearing straight-leg jeans that accentuate his long legs, a black tee underneath a black leather biker jacket, and his hair is a little shorter now, jet black instead of dark brown.
Wonbin can't believe his eyes. Pumped up on coffee, he isn't sure if his heart is beating like crazy because of the caffeine or because Sungchan is in front of him.
"Long time no see," Sungchan says, pulling a chair in front of him and sitting down. He smiles, and Wonbin panics.
"Are you for real?" Wonbin can't help but ask. "Are you pranking me? Are you really my client?"
Sungchan raises his phone to show him the contract and the text messages they exchanged that morning. Wonbin doesn't understand. He can't wrap his head around the fact that Sungchan went out of his way to buy his time when he could have asked for it for free.
"First, can we go about this without any questions? That's my only condition," Sungchan says.
"But wh–"
"I just said no questions," Sungchan reiterates. "Questions will be entertained later. The contract states that I have you for the whole day, so that means I have you until 11:59 pm. You can ask questions by then."
Wonbin only listens. This is Sungchan. He can't do anything that can harm Wonbin. He should relax and just go with it, but he can't. Only Shotaro knows about this part-time job. He isn't proud of this, and this was his last resort when he was short of a few bucks for his bills. He's embarrassed that Sungchan found out about this.
"Do you have any conditions?" Sungchan asks.
Wonbin assumes that Sungchan already knows the limitations of the service. It's included in the contract that he signed. But it doesn't hurt to remind him about it. “No kissing. No touching in inappropriate places. No sex.”
Sungchan gives him a thumbs up. “You got it.”
Sungchan pockets his phone and leans forwards, elbows propped on the table. Wonbin’s heart skips a beat because Sungchan hasn't changed. Maybe he bulked up a bit, his shoulders broader, and lost a bit of fat on his cheeks. But he is still the most handsome man Wonbin has ever seen. “I’m Sungchan. It’s nice to meet you.”
Wonbin doesn't get it. Is this part of a skit? What is Sungchan trying to do? What is he supposed to say? “I– I’m Wonbin?”
Sungchan flashes a toothy smile, his eyes forming a crescent shape. “Your hair looks nice, Wonbin.”
Wonbin’s cheeks burn. He tucks his hair involuntarily. “Thanks.” He bashfully says.
“And your necklace,” Sungchan points out. Wonbin looks down and touches it, as if doing so will save him from the embarrassment that he’s still wearing it. “I’ve seen something similar before.”
“Someone gave it to me.”
“Is that someone special to you?”
Wonbin stares at Sungchan for a second and then looks away. Whatever Sungchan is trying to do, Wonbin needs to stay professional. “It’s personal.”
Sungchan is a client for today so Wonbin goes with the flow. They stay in the cafe to have brunch and talk. Sungchan, known for his dislike for talking, shares about what happened to him the past year. He was supposed to come back to the country six months ago, but he got extended because there were still a lot of things to do, and the company decided that they needed a Korean staff on-site until the branch is stable enough. Sungchan willingly volunteered to stay because some of his other colleagues already have families and being away from them would be harder, unlike him who is single and doesn't really have anything to come back to back home.
“Also, it was a great learning experience,” Sungchan says as he cuts his sausage. “How about you?”
Wonbin puts down his fork and knife, finishes chewing before he speaks. “Nothing new really.”
“How come?”
"There's nothing interesting to tell," Wonbin says. He isn't ready to tell Sungchan that he's seen a therapist shortly after he left. It was Taeyong's advice. Wonbin had thought about it before, but he was in denial. He didn't think he needed professional help for something as simple as a breakup. Turned out, there were so many things to unpack. His childhood trauma after his parents passed away, his social anxiety, the way he views and values himself, and the way he's coping with losing another important person in his life. He's doing so much better now, though. The therapy helped a lot.
Sungchan nods, respecting Wonbin's decision to not overshare about his life. "Still bartending? How's Taeyong-hyung?"
"He's doing well. I'm quitting soon." Wonbin answers nonchalantly.
"Oh," Sungchan pauses. "You're focusing on art?"
"Yes," Wonbin says to put it simply.
Sungchan's face lights up like it's the best thing he's heard in his life. "I'm glad. Congratulations."
"Thanks."
After their meal, Sungchan guides Wonbin to the car. He says it's his own now. It's not brand new, and it's not yet his dream car yet, but it's working fine. It's just a simple black KIA SUV. Sungchan had always dreamed of buying his own. There are two things he prioritizes: owning his own place and a car. Wonbin is glad he's fulfilled one.
Wonbin gets in on the passenger, straps himself, and waits for Sungchan to start driving. He's not allowed to ask questions, so he just waits until they arrive at their next destination.
They enter the freeway after a few minutes, heading south of the city. Wonbin isn't good with directions, and he rarely travels outside the city. He only ever traveled when he and Sungchan were together. But he kind of has an idea of where the highway they are taking leads to. It takes him back to four years ago, the first time he and Sungchan first had a drive together using Jaehyun's car. They've only been seeing each other for three weeks. It was Sungchan's idea and Wonbin agreed because he hadn't been there since he was eight.
After about 40 minutes, the sight of rides comes into view. They're in Everland.
Wonbin looks at Sungchan in awe. Sungchan only smiles at him before he gets out of the car.
"First things first," Sungchan says once they enter the amusement park. They go to the nearest souvenir shop to buy character hats. Sungchan picks up a puppy one for himself and a bunny for Wonbin. He puts it on Wonbin's head.
"I'm not a bunny." Wonbin sulked. He wants to get the duck one, but he doesn't remove the hat that Sungchan picked for him.
Sungchan clicks his tongue. "You're always a bunny to me."
"You're not a puppy, though." Wonbin grimaces. "You are more like a frog." Wonbin walks away before Sungchan can retort back.
Sungchan catches up effortlessly and grabs his hand. Wonbin freezes at the touch. "Holding hands is okay, right?"
It is. It is the most a fake boyfriend can do to make their client feel that the date is real. It's Wonbin's job to make his client's heart flutter. Not the other way around.
They roam around first before they start lining up for rides. The first time they went there, they spent the whole day trying to be cute and just impress each other. Wonbin didn't show that he was actually afraid of heights. Sungchan, on the other hand, only did things that Wonbin liked. They only talked about their Everland date months later and laughed at how much they faked their way through it. It was only then that they found out that they both hated horror houses and Wonbin couldn't go on extreme rides or he would die.
"No roller coasters?" Sungchan asks while they watch people scream on T Express.
"Absolutely not," Wonbin says.
Since they are not getting on any exciting rides, they decide to spend the whole afternoon in the zoo and visit the famous panda.
When it starts to get dark, they decide it's time for dinner. They go to the nearest restaurant they can find, which is a noodle restaurant. They both order ramen. They laugh because the first time they went there, they went to an Italian restaurant and ordered wine.
"We were so pretentious," Wonbin remarks. He likes how natural they are now. They're not trying to impress each other, not trying to get in each other's pants; they aren't conscious of their actions. They are just having fun now. Not even as boyfriends. It's weird that Wonbin is enjoying himself so much. He keeps forgetting he is working, and Sungchan is his client.
Sungchan agrees. "We didn't even know how to drink wine then. We only drank beer and soju after."
Wonbin doesn't refuse when Sungchan drags him to ride the carousel. Wonbin doesn't remember enjoying that much when he rode it as a kid. He sees Sungchan enjoying it too, as if he were a kid again.
After the ride, they go to the arcade. They bet on who gets the higher score on the punching bag machine. The loser has to carry the winner until they see a churro stand. Wonbin doesn't know why he agrees to it, even though he knows he will lose. And he does embarrassingly.
In consolation, Sungchan wins him a penguin plushie at the shooting range.
"You look like a penguin, too," Sungchan remarks with a smirk, lifting the plushie up to Wonbin's face to compare their faces before handing it to him.
Wonbin carries out his punishment until they reach the nearest churro stand. Sungchan is heavier now than he remembers. His body is more toned now, too. He can tell by his muscled arms around his neck and feel his toned abdomen on his back. It gives Wonbin an unwanted sensation. He tries not to think about it and just focuses on carrying this giraffe who enjoys being piggybacked.
Sungchan also makes Wonbin buy him a churro. It's not part of the punishment, but since he is having fun pushing Wonbin around, Wonbin indulges him. He might not have an opportunity again to be with Sungchan like this and see him having fun with him. It sends a dull ache in his chest, but he believes he will be okay. He's been without Sungchan for a whole year. He can survive the rest of his life without him.
They sit on a bench while they wait for the fireworks, eating their churros, the penguin on Wonbin's lap. They don’t say anything for a while. Wonbin doesn't need words. He's just savoring the remaining minutes he has with Sungchan. It's already eight o'clock, and he knows his day with Sungchan will be over soon.
Sungchan takes his hand once again when the fireworks set off. Wonbin doesn't freeze or flinch this time. Instead, he grips Sungchan's hand back as he watches colors popping up in the sky. He still doesn't know how and why. He doesn't want to ask anymore. But he thanks whatever god out there for giving him a chance to be with Sungchan like this. He has already accepted that they aren't meant to be together, but he still loves him even up to this day, and he thinks he still will for a long time.
Sometimes loving a person doesn't always mean you're going to be together. Sometimes it's just feeling that way towards that person and being happy for them from afar.
Sungchan is his greatest love. But also his greatest tragedy.
"Do you remember the first time we held hands?" Sungchan asks. The fireworks show is over, and people start to move again.
Wonbin nods. It happened here. Their hands kept brushing against each other. Wonbin was waiting for Sungchan to make a move, but he was so nervous, so it was Wonbin who did it. He grabs Sungchan's hand. It was cold and clammy, but Wonbin remembered his body was warm all over.
Sungchan smiles. "You're so cool that time."
Wonbin laughs. "You wouldn’t score if I didn’t take the lead."
They drive back to the city shortly after. Sungchan insists on driving Wonbin to his apartment. Wonbin doesn't take his hand back when Sungchan takes it. He wishes the drive takes hours. He wishes he could hold his hand longer. He wishes this day will never end. He just wants to be with Sungchan as long as he can.
They're finally at the basement parking of the apartment building. Wonbin dreads this moment. He's finally parting with Sungchan.
"Thanks. Take care on your way home." It's only ten in the evening. Still ample time before Sungchan's time with him is officially over. But he's home now, and there's nothing else to do but say goodbye. Wonbin unbuckles himself, slings his bag over his shoulder, and gathers the penguin plushie.
"Can I walk you to your door?"
"It's not part–”
"Please?"
Wonbin gives in to his heart's desire and lets him. The walk up to his floor is quiet. The silence isn't awkward. It's more like they both know the end is coming and they have no words left to speak.
"This is me," Wonbin says when they're already in front of his door.
"Did you have fun?"
"I did."
"Good," Sungchan says with a genuine smile on his face.
"Am I allowed to ask questions now?"
"Uhm-hmm," Sungchan hums. "Technically, I still have more than an hour, but shoot."
"Why?" Wonbin asks, his heart heavy in his chest.
"Why what?"
"Why did you do this? Why did you hire me for the day and take me to places that have so many memories of you?"
Sungchan's expression turns serious. "Remember I told you that we can't undo the past?" The moments on the last day he saw Sungchan before he left for Shanghai replay in his head. "But I never said we can't redo them."
"Cafe Lumin was where we first met. Everland was where we first held hands. Do you know what first happened right here?"
Wonbin's heart starts beating like crazy. He knows. How could he forget?
It was a movie date night. The tension was high in the cinema but since Sungchan was always nervous and always ended up flaking out, nothing happened even if Wonbin was sending him go signals. Sungchan tried again and asked if he could walk Wonbin to his door. He had never done that before. Wonbin thought he was up to something and he's willing to give him another chance.
Once at his door, still nervous and shaking, Sungchan said "I really want to kiss you but my nerves are killing me."
Wonbin chuckled. He'd been imagining kissing Sungchan for weeks now and he didn't know if he still could wait another day before Sungchan could do it. "Then kiss me."
Sungchan walked closer to him. Sungchan looking down at him was one of Wonbin's favorite things. His broad body towering over him, his shadow casting over him.. it's Wonbin's weakness.
If he didn't like Sungchan this much, he wouldn't be dating him anymore with how slow he acts. Once again, Wonbin took matters into his own hands and pulled down Sungchan by his collar to finally kiss him. It's kinda messy in the beginning because there's no rhythm. Wonbin was rushing. Sungchan was trying to eat his whole face. Their tongues were all over the place. Sungchan didn't know if he wanted to grope Wonbin's ass or to put his hand on his back. Wonbin was trying so hard not to lose balance tip-toeing because Sungchan was too tall. It wasn't romantic or arousing. Wonbin bet they didn't look good at all. They only laughed at how ridiculous it was when they parted.
Nevertheless, it was the most memorable first kiss Wonbin ever had.
This time around, Sungchan knows how to capture Wonbin's lips in a manner that takes Wonbin's breath away. He knows how to tilt his head so he can take more of him, how to make their tongues dance in a rhythm that makes Wonbin lost in the sensation. Sungchan puts his hand under Wonbin's jaw to guide him, while his other hand is at the small of his waist to keep his body close. It's a routine that has been hastened throughout the years. Sungchan still knows what Wonbin wants, how Wonbin wants to be kissed. It's as if his body memorized every detail of Wonbin and reacts accordingly when they touch.
“The contract says no kissing,” Wonbin murmurs on Sungchan’s lips.
“Watch me be an outlaw.” Suncghan kisses him softly one more time before he completely pulls away.
"I can't undo what happened to us. I can't unhurt you. I can't take back all the words I said." Sungchan says. Wonbin clutches onto the Penguin he is holding between them. "But I will do better from now on. I can't promise that I won't be annoying anymore because I know I will be. But this time, I promise I won't run away again. I will listen more. I will talk more. I will be the person worthy of you if you'll have me again."
Wonbin can't find words at that moment, so he just pulls Sungchan down to kiss him again. He doesn't need Sungchan to make promises. If there is one thing he learns about relationships after the break up is no relationship is perfect. There will be times when a couple will fight. There will be misunderstandings. They will come to a point where they will hate each other. It's normal because, at the end of the day, they are two different individuals with two different mindsets. What will keep them together is their will to make things work, to compromise, and to realize that everything is just a challenge that they can conquer as long as they choose to be together. Loving each other is one thing. Choosing each other is another.
Wonbin will still make mistakes in the future. He can still be naggy and impatient. He knows Sungchan will still be messy and will fail to listen. He will still come home dead drunk and Wonbin will be pissed. Hearing that Sungchan wants to be better and choosing to be with him is enough.
Wonbin hits Sungchan with the plushie. "You didn't have to go through all of this."
"Let me be romantic just this once!"
Sungchan pulls Wonbin by the arms to wrap him in an embrace. "Thank you for waiting for me."
Wonbin clicked his tongue but he let himself be buried in Sungchan's chest. "I didn't wait for you."
Sungchan giggles. "Okay, you didn't."
"It's getting late. You should go back now." Wonbin says. He doesn't want Sungchan to leave yet. He still wants to stay like this for a little longer. However, he still has a presentation tomorrow morning.
"We still have one more first to do," Sungchan says.
Wonbin pauses. Sungchan wiggles his eyebrows and sends a mischievous smile on his way. Finally occurring to him what Sungchan is trying to imply, Wonbin hits him again with the plushie. "I have an early meeting tomorrow. Go home."
"Fine." Sungchan sighs, disappointed. "Can I go with you to that meeting?"
Wonbin considers it, loving how Sungchan is holding on to what he is about to say. "Okay. Be here at eight."
"That's too early!"
"I told you it's an early meeting!"
Sungchan grunts "Alright, see you at eight tomorrow."
Sungchan turns around to walk to the elevator going back to the parking lot. Wonbin only waves him goodbye. It's the first day of them getting back together and they are bickering already and Wonbin loves it. It's as though they never broken up.
"Sungchan!" Wonbin calls him. Sungchan turns his head. If back then, it's Sungchan who said it first, this time, it's Wonbin. "I love you."
"You make it hard for me to leave." Sungchan runs back to him to steal a fourth kiss. "But yeah, I love you, too."
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