Chapter Text
"I need you to give me your playbook."
Immediately, Lucy realizes that that probably wasn't the best way to say this. She can't help but want him gone, though. She's dragged it out long enough and they both deserve to be free from each other. She thinks about what to explain first, but then he says,
"Wait, what? You're breaking up with me?"
"You know what that means?"
Stupid. That has to be the worst response anyone's ever given to that question. Why can't she get it together?
"I thought things were good. I thought we were . . ." Chris trails off, stunned.
There's so much Lucy wants to say. There's so much he deserves. "Let's sit down," she says, moving to walk towards the couch and take his arm.
"No," he says firmly, tearing his arm away. Lucy turns back around to face him, eyes widening like a baby deer's. Chris turns around to her and bites his lip - he's holding back anger. "We don't need to sit. We were going to buy a house together and now, what, it's over?"
Lucy practically feels the tension getting thicker. Is it hot in here? "I-I was always hesitant about moving, Chris," she starts.
"Then you should have said something," Chris hisses at her, eyes ablaze with fire.
Lucy's a police officer, a UC, no less, she should be telling him off for how he's speaking to her . . . But just like when he was humming that damn song, Lucy shrinks and freezes up.
"Our relationship was doomed if you weren't going to communicate with me! I've been nothing but open and honest with you," Chris continues, throwing his hands up in the air.
"You're-you're right," Lucy says, struggling to find her voice for a second. She glances at the floor, fiddling with her fingers. "I should've done this earlier. But I was-"
"You were what?" Chris presses, leaning in close to her.
"I wasn't ready to face it-" he scoffs, but Lucy continues with her admission, "And I felt guilty b-because of what Rosalind did to you and I do care about you, I'm just not-"
"Don't say that!" Chris interrupts, close to the edge. Lucy envies turtles in this moment, how they're able to curl into their shells and hide from the world. Then, he takes a breath and closes his eyes, but when he opens them, he doesn't look any different. Only his tone changes . . . A forced calm that isn't a true calm. "I love you, Lucy, even though my love for you nearly got me killed."
He glances down at his wrists. Lucy does, too, and she gulps. The memory of finding him bleeding to death on her couch still haunts her. "I know I told you it wasn't your fault but I lied to you," Chris says quietly. Her head snaps up to look him in the eyes and she feels like she's just been slapped. "I tried not to blame you, I really did . . . but I wouldn't have been in this situation had it not been for you. And I forgive you for that. It took me some time to get there, but I do. You just need to see it . . . This will only work if you talk to me, if you see everything you did."
There's time to unpack his backtracking on whose fault it is later - right now Lucy's confused . . . and a little nervous. "There is no 'this', Chris. I'm breaking up with you," she states, putting a little more authority in her voice now.
Chris doesn't seem phased at all, though. In fact, he smiles. "I know you think you have to break-up with me because of Tim-" he says.
"Tim?" Lucy interrupts, going pale.
"I got the report of when you found me. I know he was with you. I know the undercover op you did with him changed things, and you acted like a kicked puppy when he switched out 'gophers' or whatever you call it, so I know that he's gotten into your head. I can forgive you for that, too, honey, because I know you have feelings for me. I can help you get past Tim and then we'll be happy together," he says. He sounds so soothing and it makes Lucy nauseous.
She stares into his eyes and she knows that this has already turned bad very quickly. She takes a step back to put some distance between them. "Please leave now, Chris," she asserts.
He tilts his head to the side as if she's just spoken a foreign language to him. "I love you, I want to buy a house with you. You can get over Tim-" he says.
"I don't want to get over Tim!" Lucy cries. "I want to be over you." It's brutally honest, but she knows she needs to be that way now. He tenses up, squaring his shoulders. "I'm sorry that it went this way, I really am, but I can't continue this. We can't continue."
Chris stares at her, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. He abruptly turns around and stomps his way to the door. Lucy lets out a breath of relief that he's finally leaving, only for him to turn his head to the side.
"You really want to be with Tim?" He asks over his shoulder, in a voice.
"Yes," Lucy says. It's the most honest she feels that she's been with Chris recently, she realizes.
He turns around fully, wearing a deeply-etched frown. "When I read the report, I told myself that Tim had to be with you because he walked you home, to be nice. Now, I'm starting to think that I was just kidding myself," he says, walking toward her as he speaks.
A part of Lucy wants to step back, the other part wants to hold her ground. This is her apartment, damnit, and she's already told him to leave.
"Did you cheat on me, Lucy?"
"No."
Is it a lie? She kissed Tim twice, and even if it was because they were undercover, she knows she enjoyed it. Not to mention, even if she didn't technically cheat with those kisses, she definitely had some sort of emotional affair . . . some sort of betrayal.
Right now, though, whether or not it's a lie doesn't matter. It's the safe thing to do. A precaution. He wouldn't actually hurt her, right?
The next few minutes prove to Lucy that she's sorely mistaken.