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Fox walked out of his bedroom and smelled something burning. Right away he knew it was Quinlan trying and failing to make breakfast, again. He had tried to stop his...buddy, from doing it multiple times. It always failed.
Fox sighed as he entered the kitchen, watching Quinlan placing the slightly burnt pancakes onto two separate plates. He honestly acted like he lived here, which he didn't but these days was around enough that it almost felt like it. Yet no one could say that they were dating because they weren't. It was less than that.
" How many times did I tell you not to make breakfast anymore?" Fox said as he walked closer to Quinlan.
" But how else am I supposed to show my undying love for you?" Quinlan asked with a smile.
Fox scoffed but went to grab a plate anyways. No sense in genuinely hurting the man's feelings, he can just drown it in syrup, "Once you finally act on this 'undying love', we can talk about it, but until then you are my fuck buddy who keeps burning my pans, and that is that."
Instead of getting a typical, snappy, Quinlan-Vos-Trademarked response back, he was met with silence.
"So. About that," Quinlan said, nervously tapping the counter, "Foxy--"
Fox sighed, "Don't. It's fine. Well-- maybe pay for it, but it's not a big deal. I..."
It was touching. Fox had tried very, very hard not to find it touching, because this-- this thing with Quinlan was simply sex and strange friendship, and that was all. Fox can't go falling for Quinlan, he's smarter than that, but the other man was certainly making it hard, "I appreciate the sentiment at least."
"That's good," Quinlan said, smiling, but it looks forced. There was an awkward pause as Quinlan stood there, clearly wanting to say something but not quite able to spit it out.
"I have class soon," Fox said, tilting his head, "So either get on with it or tell me I need to cancel."
"So. Love's a uh. Strong word," Quinlan said, chuckling anxiously, "But uh. You know." He waved his hands in some infuriatingly vague gesture. Fox tilted his head again.
" Is sex all it really has to be?"
Fox didn't know how to feel about that, really. I mean yeah, he had thought about it being more than that. Who wouldn't. But it never really felt like it truly could be more than that, no matter what he thought or everyone around him said about it. There was no way there could be more to it because no one loved Fox in that way. He found it hard to believe. He couldn't fall for Quinlan; he wasn't falling for Quinlan. He may be attractive in so many ways but there was nothing more than what was already going on. At least that's what he liked to tell himself to he could sleep at night. (Although sometimes that didn't even happen unless Quinlan was there, which he also ignored.)
" I-I do like being around you, I like spending my times here." Quinlan went on, " It just doesn't feel like it's just that anymore. That's not the only reason I'm still here, and I know it's not the only reason you haven't dropped me on a street corner yet."
" I..." Fox started, looking down at the burnt pancake drench in syrup. " I know, I just."
" I haven't done this before, successfully." Fox continued, still not looking up at him. " And I didn't think you could ever want me or like me more than what we already have. I still do."
" I don't think I'm worth for you to have outside of what we already have." Fox said, finally looking Quinlan in the eyes.
Quinlan just stared at him in silence for a moment, processing the words that had left his mouth. It made his heart hurt a little, that Fox thought that way. He didn't want that to be the case, he wanted to prove that otherwise.
" Fox, I don't know how I could not want you more than just that." Quinlan said, clenching his fists, " You know in the beginning maybe I couldn't see it but now..."
" I don't know how I could've stopped myself from falling, honestly." Quinlan chuckled nervously, again. His eyes drifted off from Fox's as they looked down at his own burnt pancake on the plate. " There's just so much to you that I don't know how other people haven't fallen for it yet."
Fox could give some good reasons why other people haven't fallen for him yet. You know, his whole grumpy asshole demeanor among other things. Not many people took a liking to that. Though he would say, Quinlan could be a bit of an asshole himself so that definitely played into this. But truly, Fox still couldn't get it.
" You don't have to say yes to any of this, I'm not going to force you to it." Quinlan continued, " We can just pretend this never got brought up and go back to how it was. Or you know, you could finally leave me on a street corner."
Quinlan let out a breath and unclenched his fists, looking at Fox once again.
" But I want it to be out there that I would being willing to and want to see if there could be something...more to this." Quinlan said, his eyes meeting Fox's. " Because I don't want to bite my tongue forever, I've done that too much already."
Fox sat in the silence that got brought over them as soon as Quinlan stopped talking. He looked into the man's eyes one more time before they drifted back down the pancakes that had since gone cold. He knew Quinlan was right, he just didn't know how to admit it. I mean if Quinlan didn't say something now, Fox wouldn't have said anything either. He wouldn't have said it ever. He would've just let people comment on it and dance around the answer like he had gotten used to. In his brain that was the easiest option, the safer way to go about it. But then again, maybe the easier and safer way wasn't the best way. Maybe there was something better outside of that.
" I uh, can go now." Quinlan broke the silence, then clearing his throat. " If that's what you want."
" No, don't." Fox replied quickly, " I-I mean you can if you want just..."
" I've tried so hard to tell myself this could never work out." Fox continued, " I've tried to hard not to fall for you, but you make it so fucking hard-"
" I'm just so charming." Quinlan smirked, making a joke to deal with his nerves.
" Weirdly enough, yeah." Fox agreed, " Even if every time you try and make food for me it burns. In some way that's charming too, but not a lot."
" I don't want this to end badly." Fox said, meeting Quinlan's eyes again, " I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to hurt me."
" Not that I think you would do it on purpose but...we're both us." Fox continued, " We aren't exactly the nicest people on the outside. We both go too far in our own ways."
" Yeah, I get what you mean." Quinlan replied, " And I'm scared of that too, trust me."
" But what if we say fuck it to our fears for just one time?"
Oh, how Fox wished it was that easy to do. If it was that easy to do, then this conversation would've happened weeks ago. Fox just had to be glad he was in a better mental state than he was weeks ago. He could partially give credit to Quinlan for making it better, which did not help his case in this situation. If anything, it gave him a reason to say fuck it to his fears.
" Are you sure?" Fox asked, " Are you really, truly, sure?"
" Because I have class in an hour, I'd rather not go in there feeling like shit and stuck inside my head." Fox finished, still looking into Quinlan's eyes.
" Isn't that how you always go to class though?"
" Shut up and answer the damn question."
" Right-" Quinlan started, " Yes, I am sure. I have never been surer about something in my whole life, and that's saying something coming from me."
Fox felt his heart skip a beat. It was everything he wanted to hear and didn't want to hear at the same time. That Quinlan was okay with this being more than just nights when they were both alone and horny. More than waking up in the same bed and leaving like nothing had happened the night before. More than the joke-flirting banter they did, more than Fox waking up to Quinlan burning another one of his pans. Though maybe that would continue to happen anyway, and the flirting banter wouldn't be a joke anymore. It would be real; it would be something that Fox could truly and utterly lean into.
He didn't know how to reply to that really because he never really thought of what his reply would ever be. I mean he tried to ignore thinking about it in the first place because he didn't truly ever think it would happen. He thought they would stay fuck buddies until one of them eventually gave up and decided to move on, because that's how it was originally supposed to be. I mean, Fox didn't think they would go past a month, but it had been almost 6 months now.
" Then kiss me." Fox said, not really believing those words came from his mouth but not keeping them in.
" What?" Quinlan looked at him confused.
" I- Kiss me." Fox said again, still not believing he was saying it.
So Quinlan did. From there on, Fox knew there was no going back on this. They both knew that they couldn't take this back now, they couldn't leave that whole conversation behind and go back to the way things had been. Something new had started, something so much better than what they had before.