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Sangyeon is used to being a third wheel. Initially it was all by accident because he really could not tell that Haknyeon was actually going on dates with Jiwoo. If Sangyeon also wanted to watch a certain movie or also really needed to fetch something from the supermarket, it only made sense to tag along with people who were already going. It became a habit long before Haknyeon had sheepishly admitted he didn't want to be mean and tell Sangyeon to leave them alone.
Even after Haknyeon made things clear, Sangyeon found himself at enough loose ends that Jiwoo was nice enough to tolerate him.
Sangyeon senses that he might have used up all of Jiwoo's kindness.
"Haknyeon," she says quietly after the tour guide has stopped speaking to begin leading the way up the jagged stone path. "Tell him."
Haknyeon isn't intimidating in Sangyeon's eyes. They've known each other for far too long for Sangyeon not to liken Haknyeon's frown to that time when they were kids exploring a haunted house and Sangyeon tore the sleeve off Haknyeon's t-shirt.
"Sangyeon," Haknyeon says as sternly as he can manage. "Shut the fuck up."
"That's rude."
"You're rude! Marinella is telling us about wine and you're just complaining about not being able to go to the beach and get naked."
"Isn't the tour guide called Marinette?" Sangyeon points out.
"Shut up. Nobody asked you to come on this wine tour. In fact, neither of us even asked you to come on holiday with us at all."
"It's Europe," Sangyeon mutters, acutely aware of the other tourists following Marinette the wine expert. Haknyeon is the one shouting. They should be staring at him. "I've always wanted to go to Europe."
"You clearly don't want to go to the same parts of Europe that I want to go to," Haknyeon says. For good measure, he adds, "With my wife."
"When you have kids—"
"You've put me right off having kids," Haknyeon says. "I don't want kids if they might turn out as annoying as you."
Haknyeon must just be annoyed because he hasn't had any wine yet and they are all about to get burned alive by the sun on this weird mountain vineyard. Despite thinking up these reasons behind Haknyeon's crankiness, Sangyeon is still struck by some terrible thought: is he really the annoying one now?
For as long as Sangyeon cares to remember, he is the one who has constantly had his patience tested. His has had to bite his tongue against admonishments without any hope of coming out gently, and he has had to pretend to be a good sport through all sorts of hijinks which would be fodder for legal complaints if it happened to anybody else.
Beyond the fact that he's tired and all this walking hasn't resulted in drinking a single drop of wine, Sangyeon is experiencing a crisis. How did he become annoying? It simply isn't possible!
*
Sangyeon relents and promises not to be a bother. It is easier said than done.
Jiwoo and Haknyeon must be able to have all sorts of fun together. Haknyeon is pretty good at speaking English and it is always easier to make serendipitous friends when you can share a few words. Worse than that, Sangyeon bets they're befriending other couples. Sangyeon used to be part of a couple Jiwoo and Haknyeon were friends with too. Now he's just their annoying single friend who is an embarrassment to them.
Sangyeon relegates himself to sunbathing at the hotel poolside. Surely that can't be annoying.
Sangyeon himself may not be annoying but he is certainly getting annoyed. He looks drop dead gorgeous right now: his evidence for this is seeing his reflection in the multiple mirrors on the way down to the sun loungers and the fact that Haknyeon begrudgingly admitted the fact after being sent 14 selfies asking how he looks.
Not only is Sangyeon looking irresistible with all his hours of effort in the gym on display, he's also dehydrated. Ordinarily that would be a bad thing but today's sun is beating down on the world and all Sangyeon has energy for is sipping on cocktails he orders through the hotel’s app. After a couple of hours of languishing sexily as he is wont to do, Sangyeon is looking pretty vascular overall. He flexes his fingers and the veins in his arms pop even more.
He looks this good yet not a single soul is interested in pretending to get to know him. This truly is a travesty. Sangyeon almost wishes he had pestered Haknyeon into letting him join him and his wife on today's mountain-road bike ride. Of course, Sangyeon didn't wake up early enough to tag along with them even if Haknyeon had relented and tried to book a place for last minute irritation. He'd probably still be in the exact same predicament if he did swallow his pride last night.
It's a shame. Sangyeon could have met a dashing, young adonis eager to show what his giant thighs are capable of. If only he could wake up earlier in the morning.
Deciding it is pointless to lament all the what-ifs which led him to this point, Sangyeon needs to cheer himself up. There's nothing like the empty validation of social media likes to cheer a guy up. Obviously he'll need to think of something else to buoy his mood once the initial relief of seeing the mindless acknowledgement of his existence appear in his notification tab, but that is a problem for future dopamineless Sangyeon. He uploads a choice selection of this morning's most thirst trap worthy mirror selfies. The next step is to like a few posts from others to hopefully remind them that he exists and they should totally feel free to drop him a few likes and adoring comments too.
Scrolling and double-tapping to ‘like’ pictures indiscriminately surprisingly causes something of a problem for Sangyeon. In order to prove that he isn't petty, he continued following his ex. He's so gracious and mature to not take any issue with bumping up somebody else's follower count. Some devious part of him even committed to liking and leaving a gushing comment about how happy he is for the ex in question when he inevitably soft-launches (or hard-launches in the instance of some clumsy oaf behaviour) his new squeeze.
How else could Sangyeon prove to the world that he's the bigger person if not for his plan to pretend to be happy for his ex? By mistakenly liking one of his ex’s posts, apparently.
Trying not to panic, Sangyeon quickly checks Jaehyun's profile. So far, no signs of a new relationship appears through the sparse updates. Whilst not having to think up something adequately smarmy and insincere to comment in his current condition is a good thing, Sangyeon soon makes a worse discovery. As of a few days ago, Jaehyun was also heading on a fancy European getaway. Sangyeon bets Jaehyun didn't even have to wrangle a last minute pity invite from a couple who apparently only tolerate his existence. Knowing Jaehyun, he planned in advance and made sure his body looked as perfect as possible before boarding the plane.
Is Sangyeon supposed to see dozens of pictures of Jaehyun looking delectably ravishing on his stupid holiday and not care? Is he supposed to do the seeing and the not caring and then also be a good sport about it?
In need of a second opinion, Sangyeon calls Haknyeon. His call is immediately declined, as are the next three attempts. The strongly worded message Haknyeon sends suggests that he is not actually occupied by handlebars right now. Unless of course Haknyeon has discovered a talent for mountain unicycling which would be very impressive and Sangyeon wouldn't even be offended. The possibility of Haknyeon's multitasking has not yet been verified so Sangyeon is incredibly offended.
With no ideas but his own, there is only one thing Sangyeon can do. He's going to need to pump some iron.
*
Closer to inebriation than he'd like to admit, there are a hundred things he should have done before coming to the hotel gym. Finding some appropriate clothing is one of those things along with actually asking about an induction. Of course, Sangyeon isn't a masterful polyglot like his good friend Haknyeon. All he memorised from Papago was how to ask somebody if they want a drink. How to even order a drink is a bridge Sangyeon will have to cross when he reaches it. The point is, he wouldn't have got much out of the hotel gym induction.
He has been to plenty of gyms in his lifetime. The etiquette is simply having manners and not negatively impacting other gym-goers. Sangyeon knows not to slam plates around and he knows how not to be a weirdo. Apparently that knowledge doesn't extend to everyone.
To recover from a set of lateral raises he apparently was not prepared for, Sangyeon sits on a bench with his head in his hands. As much as he would love someone to admire him here publicly so he can post evidence of his universal desirability, he doubts the trainers which appear in his narrow field of vision belong to an admirer.
Groggy and filled with regret, Sangyeon slowly lifts his head. Is it possible to become hungover whilst still in the early stages of being drunk? Sangyeon suspects it might be. Looking up at the person's face to judge just how apologetic he should pretend to be, Sangyeon decidedly wishes he was blackout drunk instead of whatever he has going on right now.
As though the stars have aligned and bumping into each other here is a good thing, Jaehyun smiles down at Sangyeon. “Hey. I thought I was just imagining things. What are the chances of seeing you here?”
The chances were low, Sangyeon knows that much. Somehow the chances were not low enough.
*
If he is completely honest, Sangyeon is actually relieved to be out of the gym. He is in dire need of low lighting and copious amounts of liquid. Luckily the hotel also has several bars spread across multiple floors.
Having company whilst staving off a splitting headache isn't so bad either, even if said company happens to be the ex-boyfriend he is pretending to be over. Right now Sangyeon doesn't need to pretend. Jaehyun is funny and beautiful and he knows exactly how to cheer Sangyeon up.
“Do that impression that you always used to do again,” Jaehyun requests, leaning close and pressing his hand firmly on Sangyeon's thigh.
Amazing. Incredible. Perfect. Sangyeon has no idea what Jaehyun is talking about. He attempts a few of his classic lines that he only half-recalls right now and Jaehyun only smiles half-vacantly. Sangyeon will get it in the end.
*
Sangyeon has no idea what time it is as he drags himself towards the edge of the bed. The room is dark and he can't find his phone anywhere in the bed. His hands search through the twisted sheets until he finds something much larger than a phone.
“Hello?” Sangyeon asks whilst clutching the foot in his bed. He wonders whether this is a European thing, thieves breaking in and falling asleep in someone's bed.
The sleepy thief groans through a stretch. “What's up?”
Sangyeon has heard this doze-abrased voice before. He moves his hand along the foot to the skinny ankle attached to it.
“Jaehyun?”
“Yeah? What's up?”
Sangyeon should have known something like this would happen the second he saw Jaehyun in this impossible place.
“Nothing. It doesn't matter,” Sangyeon says.
A shadow in the dark reaches out towards Sangyeon. Before Jaehyun's arm hits him in the face, Sangyeon finds his place on the bed beside Jaehyun.
*
Snoozing for a short while doesn't change anything.
*
“You've been a nuisance all week. Why is it that you've decided not to come for breakfast?” Haknyeon asks over the phone at the crack of dawn. Realistically Sangyeon knows that dawn must have passed several hours ago but he is in no condition to be sensible.
“I'm… sick,” Sangyeon says.
“Really?” Jaehyun asks loudly because he clearly isn't sensible either. “What's wrong?”
Shushing him is useless but Sangyeon can't help his instinct.
“Who is that?” Haknyeon asks. “Who are you talking to? Did you just come on holiday with me and my beautiful, perfect wife just to hook up with random men?”
This is certainly a conundrum. In truth, Sangyeon at least wanted to be admired by random men. Hooking up with one wouldn't have been the end of the world if it happened. The issue is the fact that Jaehyun isn't exactly a random man. Jaehyun is a very specific man who Haknyeon knows pretty well. Excuses do not appear anywhere in Sangyeon's mind.
“I need to go and do something.” That sounds like a good enough excuse. Sangyeon hangs up. The hangover offers no clarity.
The curtains are still drawn so the dim sunlight isn't too painful. The bed is comfortable enough but Sangyeon doesn't think he's sleeping. Jaehyun's hair is an absolute mess. Sangyeon's fingers find knots easily and Jaehyun winces as the tugging pulls the roots of his hair taut.
Jaehyun shuffles closer and winds his arms around Sangyeon's waist. Like this, Jaehyun doesn't smile like most people. When he's sleepy he smiles without even pulling his lips into that familiar shape. He's unreal, this man who was a friend before he was anything else. He is perfect and beautiful and Sangyeon's chest hurts at the realisation of how much he missed spending time with him. Despite the fact that things ended, Sangyeon still loves him.
“Do I have a concussion? Am I just imagining you here?”
Jaehyun laughs and moves closer until they're sharing the same pillow.
“I'm here. I'm real. I'd be asking the same thing but the Sangyeon of my dreams wouldn't lie about being sick and then pull my hair for no reason.”
Sangyeon smooths his hand over the side of Jaehyun's head but he can't pretend away the heat burning through the morning fog of his face. He laughs but disbelief still sits heavy in his chest.
“Who said I was lying? Are you going to accuse me of having man-flu too? Lovesickness is a serious condition.”
Jaehyun laughs with his whole body, rolling away from Sangyeon and then back again like he has never heard anything funnier. This might be why Sangyeon has missed Jaehyun so much; whereas Sangyeon's jokes tend to be met with groans and irritation, Jaehyun always laughs. He has always sounded so genuine when he tips his head onto Sangyeon's shoulder. There is no greater feeling than making Jaehyun laugh.
Jaehyun has never been the only person to laugh when Sangyeon wants him too but the achievement is altogether different. Haknyeon's humour matches well enough but he only laughs like Sangyeon is funny, not like Sangyeon is the funniest person in the world. There are all sorts of superlatives Jaehyun inspires in Sangyeon but laughter is the thing which makes him feel invincible.
Jaehyun's laugh fades into dull fragments and he tilts his head to look towards Sangyeon. His smile and his teeth aren't quite as settling as they could be. Sangyeon feels too much like when they first started going out with each other. He feels like the bed beneath him is a precarious support. At any moment he could drop right through the bed and fall several storeys down. This could all fall apart but Sangyeon doesn't want the drop to come by surprise.
“I'm still sick, you know,” Sangyeon says. He regrets the wording as Jaehyun's eyes widen, but understanding follows quickly.
Jaehyun sits up and gently parts Sangyeon's hair with the careful touch of his index finger. “I know it is selfish to be glad about that. Am I allowed to be more selfish?”
Sangyeon makes an effort not to get his hopes up. This is hardly real anyway. He shouldn't look for any deeper meaning. “What do you mean?”
“All that stuff about not having time… I regret saying it. I regret everything.”
This suddenly doesn't seem like the lovey-dovey conversation to be had whilst reclined in dreamlike bliss.
“You shouldn't regret anything,” Sangyeon insists. He grasps Jaehyun's hand and tries not to compare the ease of this with the resistance of the last time. “You don't need to regret anything at all.”
“But I do,” Jaehyun says like it is his dearest admission. “I was stretched so thin and I was so stressed with everything. I just needed some time and some space.”
Sangyeon nods along. He remembers how all of those discussions, disagreements, and careful quarrels went.
“I made a choice that was easy but it was the worst option. It has only been a few months but I'm still stressed. I'm fine right now but when I need to go back to work, nothing will be different.”
“I'm sorry.” Sangyeon took offence at being branded an unambitious slacker but it doesn't change much to change a life like his. He has never felt trapped into anything since the first time he broke a futile routine. Jaehyun has always been one to stick with convention.
Shaking his head, Jaehyun grips Sangyeon's hand tighter. “In only a few months, it was like you'd never been there. I don't know how the creep happened but before I knew it, all the spaces in my life which you used to have were filled with other stuff. I can't work out how to make that room again. I don't understand it.”
Sangyeon is still feeling all too delicate following yesterday's exploits. As insensitive as it is, he isn't ready to see Jaehyun looking so tormented.
“You didn't follow me all the way here just to tell me not to keep my hopes up, did you?”
Just as intended, Jaehyun laughs despite himself. “Stop it. I had some leave to use up and Haknyeon was going on and on about these wine tours. I thought it would be a way to kill the time. I didn't ever think I'd see you here.”
Sangyeon is only allowed to feel glad about that for a millisecond.
“I wish I hadn't gone through all the effort of flying across the world and finding you again.”
“You know that you're being rude, don't you?”
Jaehyun looks surprised to hear that and hesitates before he says, “I mean that… The fact that I'll need to go back to my real life and just remember that you used to be there isn't fair. I don't know how I'm supposed to be broken up with you.”
Sangyeon nods a few times and smooths his hand over Jaehyun's knuckles.
“It's okay… I get it. But I want to be selfish too. I still want to at least be your friend. We were friends first and I would really miss you if I never got to see you again.”
“What?”
“What?” Sangyeon really isn't in the frame of mind to navigate eddies of confusion which could drag him somewhere he'd rather avoid. Having to concentrate on everything that just happened simply isn't going to happen. Sangyeon has already forgotten what exactly he said so he hopes Jaehyun doesn't expect him to repeat it word for word.
“Does it sound like I never want to see you again?” Jaehyun asks.
Sangyeon can't say ‘yes’ because that is clearly the wrong answer. He settles for, “What do you want?”
Jaehyun is quiet for a long time. Long enough that Sangyeon possibly started to doze off. The sound of Jaehyun clearing his throat is an oddly startling sound.
“I want to… I want to not be the idiot who suggested a breakup.”
“Oh,” Sangyeon says. “That. We can pretend that never happened if you want.”
Jaehyun frowns like Sangyeon suggested they should spend the day peeling skins off stones.
“What's the matter?”
“It's that easy?” Jaehyun asks.
They're still holding hands. They're still sitting side by side. Sangyeon's body knows more than his hangover allows.
“Well, yeah, it is you and me. It has always been easy, hasn't it?”
Jaehyun looks thoughtful. Sangyeon hopes that they are thinking the same thing.
*
“Wow!” Jiwoo exclaims in the early glow of sunset. Her massive sunhat flops into Haknyeon's face but he only gently tilts it out of his face. She smiles at Haknyeon toothily as she turns to look at him. “Did I manifest this?”
“You were asking the universe to get us back together? That's weird. And mean. I was broken hearted and you've just wanted to get rid of me the whole time?”
“No!” Jiwoo cries whilst waving her hands in the air. Haknyeon barely avoids a face full of elbow but simply smiles serenely at his wife. “I saw Jaehyun posting about going abroad and I thought, wouldn't it be funny if he ended up in the same place as us? And it happened! What does anybody want? Clearly I'm your best connection to the universe.”
“Me first,” Haknyeon says. “Can I have an eternity with you?”
Jiwoo scoffs and pretends not to blush. She would be convincing if not for the fact that the redness in her face quickly spreads down her chest and even over her arms.
Sangyeon must admit, they do make a very cute couple. Now that he's back together with Jaehyun (or more correctly, unbroken up with him), he can really appreciate that fact.
“Say something sickeningly sweet about me,” Sangyeon requests.
“Sangyeon, there are so many people around,” Jaehyun says, sitting up in seat and glancing around the dusky patio area. “Are you prepared to visit me in a foreign prison after I unleash an incurable contagion on all these people? We only just unbroke up. I'm not ready to go in the slammer.”
“Clink, clink, baby, show me what you've got.”
“Where is Marinella?” Haknyeon mutters.
“Marinette is meeting us in the morning,” Jiwoo supplies sunnily.
“Wait, are you serious? Why is Marinette coming?”
“Jaehyun wanted to go on a wine tour so we booked us all onto another tour for tomorrow.”
“All of us?” Sangyeon asks. “Jaehyun, you have to skip it.”
Jaehyun clearly doesn't say exactly what he wants to. He smiles neutrally. “My perfect and amazing boyfriend wouldn't rob me of a potentially once in a lifetime opportunity.”
“It obviously isn't once in a lifetime if I'm going again tomorrow. Which once in a lifetime opportunity do you want more? Me or the wine tour?”
“If you're back together, you mustn't be a once in a lifetime thing either,” Jiwoo says like she thinks she is being helpful.
“I heard there is a really romantic place if we follow the cobblestone path towards the cliff,” Haknyeon says before downing the last of his drink. Sangyeon can admit that he is helpful seeing as the departure leaves Sangyeon and Jaehyun with a small slice of privacy.
The thing is, Jaehyun is looking at Sangyeon with a plea that cannot be refused. Sangyeon can't believe Jaehyun is using his superpower over something like this.
“Please.”
“Fine,” Sangyeon grumbles. “Just don't expect me to care when you're sunburnt and dehydrated and Marinella wants to quiz you on pumice stones.”
“Noted,” Jaehyun says. It's that easy. Everything always is with them. Sangyeon makes sure to enjoy tonight's wine because he doubts he will get the chance tomorrow.