Chapter Text
Ryuji threw down his pencil with a groan. "I can't do this anymore! How long have we been studying?"
Ren glanced up at Ryuji with that faint amused smile he got when one of his friends was… for lack of a better term, being themselves. He looked like that whenever Yusuke went on one of his weird artsy rants or when Makoto was just a little too analytical or whenever Ryuji said something a little extra dumb or made a reference to eating. "Ten minutes."
Ryuji groaned again, leaning back in the one of the shitty wooden chairs that Ren had dragged up into his attic/room for the rest of the phantom thieves to sit in. Today, though, it was only the two of them. They could've studied downstairs in the cafe, but Ryuji didn't really like people and it was a bit distracting down there. Ryuji was already easily distracted as it was, he didn't want to add to it.
"Can't we do something else for a bit? Let's just chat for a minute or something, my brain is way too full right now!"
Ren's tiny little faint grin turned into a full blown smile. He put his pencil down and gracefully - without even looking - slapped his hand over Ryuji's pencil right before it rolled off the table. "Yeah, alright. What about?" Ren had always been a man of few words. If he spoke more than ten words in a sentence, Ryuji was pretty sure the world would end.
"Uhhhh…" Shit. Somehow, Ryuji hadn't thought this through. Well, what was the last mildly interesting thing he could remember that Ren hadn't been there to witness?
…Ah, Mishima had come up to Ryuji just the other day during lunch, asking him if he was into any girls at the moment. Ryuji wasn't, but then Mishima had gone on about some girl from their grade that Ryuji had never noticed before and never cared to notice. Mishima clearly had noticed her because he'd very unsubtly tricked Ryuji into having a conversation with him about his crush on her. It had been extremely uncomfortable and bringing up Mishima's crush would be a great conversation killer, but Mishima's choice of topic hadn't been a bad idea.
"Oh! How about girls?" Ryuji got up, abandoning his homework, to sit in a chair right next to Ren. Ryuji gave him a big shit-eating grin and suggestively elbowed him. "Anyone around here catch your attention?" Ryuji unintentionally used what Ren called "that voice". The one where he was being more mischievous than usual.
Ren huffed out a small laugh and then looked across the room at nothing, resting his chin on his hand as he contemplated. "Mmm… Hifumi is my type."
Ryuji immediately squinted in confusion. "... Who?"
"One of Yusuke's classmates." Ren continued contemplating in that pose, which made Ryuji think he actually had someone in mind. "Uhh... Dunno. I've been more interested in guys around here lately."
Ryuji recoiled in shock. "Y-you… what?!"
Ren sighed, letting his hand drop to the table as he raised his head to look at Ryuji. "I like girls too. Just… y'know."
… You could do that?
Well, Ryuji always knew it was a thing, but he didn't realize it was a thing you could actually act on. Like… liking boys was something you could just… do? And then maybe even date them? And that was just… okay?
"U-uh… oh…" Ryuji sighed. He was being really uncool. Being all stuttery and sounding all scared 'n' shit, he could do better. He gave himself a moment or two to think and then took a deep breath. "Sorry, man, I just… that surprised me, y'know? I don't care, honest. I'm just not used to… uh, yeah." Damn. He sounded much better for a second there, but oh well. It seemed to do the trick.
Ren relaxed significantly, breathing out just a little heavier in what Ryuji assumed was a relieved sigh. "You're my best friend. I knew I could trust you, Yuji."
That nickname still made Ryuji feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was their very first inside joke - Ann had come up to them and yelled at them for interfering with Kamoshida, and after she left Ren had leaned in close, right next to Ryuji's ear, and whispered "Did she just call you Yuji?"
Ryuji had laughed at the time and told him no, it was just the way she said his name, it just sounded funny, but from then on it became Ren's affectionate nickname for him. Or a funny one, on occasion. Now, though, it just stirred nostalgic feelings. Ryuji really loved his best friend.
After taking in Ryuji's now relaxed smile, Ren bumped his shoulder into Ryuji's playfully. "So? What about you? You like any girls?"
Ryuji laughed nervously. "Nah, not really. I haven't met anyone that's my type yet."
Ren pouted playfully for a second. "That's boring."
"What?! Listen, I'm asking you the questions, man, I don't need to give a fun answer!"
Ren laughed at Ryuji's faux angry tone. "Are you sure you're not gay?"
Ryuji gasped in an overly dramatic, offended way. "I can't believe you would say that just because I'm not interested in anyone! That's, like, homophobic or something!"
Ren looked confused even as he continued smiling in amusement. "Is it?"
"... Man, I dunno."
They both laughed at Ryuji, and a comfortable silence descended over them once they settled down. Ryuji stared at Ren for a bit, which Ren didn't seem to notice because he was too busy spacing out at the table with a relieved smile on his face. Man, he really was worried about coming out to Ryuji, wasn't he? Ryuji was just glad he trusted him.
"... Sooooo… you are interested in someone," Ryuji began carefully.
Ren looked up at him again, raising an amused eyebrow. "Maybe."
"And it's a guy?"
Ren looked away again with a nervous smile. "... Yeah."
Ryuji tilted his head. Curiosity blazed through him. "For real? Who is it?"
Ren's eyes snapped to Ryuji's, and for a moment Ryuji saw anxiety spark over the leader's face. It was unusual to see him so hesitant. "... I'd rather not say."
Ryuji felt a weird feeling in his chest. It was almost like anxiety… but positive? "Aww, for real? You can tell me! I won't go blabbing to anyone."
Ren shook his head, looking away nervously again. "I don't care what anyone else thinks."
Ryuji's heart did a front flip in his chest. Ren wasn't nervous about him telling anyone, he was nervous about Ryuji's opinion on it? "... You'd tell me if it was me, right?" Ryuji said a little too playfully, trying hard to mask any real emotions under a joking guise.
Ren looked back at Ryuji and gave him a small smile and a nod. "Of course."
So… it wasn't Ryuji? The anxious feeling in his chest turned into a strange, raw pain. What had he been hoping for? That his best friend had a crush on him? That'd be weird, especially since Ryuji didn't-...
…didn't…
Oh fuck.
"Ryuji? You okay?" Ren was giving him a concerned look.
No. It felt like a truck had just hit him and knocked the air out of his lungs. "Yeah," Ryuji choked out instead. "'M just… not feeling good suddenly. Think it was something I ate. Maybe I should go home."
Ren tilted his head, the worry on his face increasing. "Yeah, you don't sound so good." There was a hint of anxiety on Ren's face, though, like he could tell it wasn't just a physical problem. Ryuji figured he probably knew something was up, anyway. Ren was pretty damn smart.
Ryuji stood and hastily grabbed his homework. Before he left, Ren patted him on the shoulder.
"Thanks for the talk today. I hope you feel better soon."
Ryuji nodded, feeling nauseous, and made his escape. Unfortunately, once he made it to the train, his mind wandered back to the issue at hand.
God, this sucked. He was in love with his best friend. Now that he realized his feelings for Ren were definitely not platonic, he was beginning to realize he'd felt this way about him for a while now and just hadn't realized. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, except he liked some other guy. God. Whoever it was, he hoped they treated Ren right.