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Hinata cried all the way home. Thinking of the fight and how it had ended and the things they had both said hurt him. He tried keeping his mind off of it all, but how could he? This could be it for the Karasuno’s freak duo.
When the ginger boy arrived at his house, he stood at the doorstep for what seemed like an eternity evaluating the redness in his eyes and his ability to stay strong for as long as it took to reach his bedroom once he stepped inside the house.
‘I thought we were partners. I thought he understood me.’, he thought to himself over and over again. Kageyama understood nothing. How would he? Being the natural talent he is, he probably had never had to worry about being able to fight alone; only fighting better and better every time. If he wasn’t setting he could be receiving, spiking, blocking, serving… Anything. He could do it all perfectly, in a heartbeat. He was amazingly good at anything he chose to do in the court... But Hinata wasn’t. Not consciously at least. His technic was average and his expertise jumping and trusting others. Trusting Kageyama. Trusting his partner and jumping at any ball coming his way. For him, it was all so inherently natural he saw nothing extraordinary about it. But Kageyama… Kageyama was nothing short of extraordinary.
As soon as he got himself together just enough to get past his family with a smile and hide away in his bedroom, he entered the house. Natsu hugged him as she always did and that made his smile not look as fake. He greeted his family as usual and excused himself by saying he was exhausted and going to sleep straight away. He wished everyone goodnight and retreated to his bedroom.
He lied on his bed still fully clothed wishing to drift off to sleep so that he didn’t have to feel the way he did. But his mind was running through the day he’d had: the tension between Kageyama and him, their fight… Nothing seemed okay. His life had just been thrown off balance and he just couldn’t sleep.
“If this quick doesn’t work there’s no point in me being on the court.” he had told Kageyama. There he was exposing his insecurities and them going through Kageyama as if they were nothing but empty words. “But then I’ll never get better! I want to be strong enough to compete for myself!” Kageyama didn’t even listen to him for a second. ‘Why can’t he understand that the quick will only be 100 % effective if I see the other side of the court? Other attacks will do nothing for me. I’m only needed because of our quick, it’s what distinguishes me from the others, it’s all I’m good for.’ At this thought his eyes started watering and tears rolled down his face once again.
***
‘That quick is not something we can improve so close to the spring tournament. And there’s no indication that it will ever be possible to actually hit it with his eyes open. Why can’t he trust me all of the sudden? He always has…’. Kageyama couldn’t wrap his head around it. ‘Why does he want to fight alone? Was my toss that bad?’. “No, that’s not it! It was perfect! It was spot on! And yet, it was stopped!” Hinata had told him, not that he had actually realized it at the time because of how mad he was.
“If I don’t get better it won’t work against stronger opponents, either!!”
And that was when it struck Kageyama. He had to go back. He had to find Hinata. Hinata was afraid his best wasn’t enough. He was thinking about the future of the team; their future. And Kageyama had dismissed it as if it was selfishness and egotistic thinking, which he knew so well Hinata wasn’t capable of.
Without thinking about twice Kageyama turned back and started running in hope of finding Hinata somewhere along the way. He knew he couldn’t outrun Hinata on a bike, but it sure as hell was worth a shot given the situation.
Trying to think of what he was going to say when he was worried about not falling face first into the pavement kept him occupied the entire time. So much so, he almost missed Yachi calling his name.
“Kageyama-kun!!!” she shouted for maybe the third time. Kageyama stopped in his tracks and looked towards her. She stood at the bus stop where Hinata had left her earlier.
“Yachi-san, you were with Hinata, weren’t you? Where is he?”
“Hmm, he’s already gone home... I-is everything alright?” Yachi looked worried.
“It will be, I hope. I have to go. See you tomorrow, Yachi-san!” he retorted so fast Yachi didn’t have the time to answer him.
Going over to Hinata’s house at that time wasn’t ideal, it was already late and he’d probably have to speak to his parents, but this was an emergency so he didn’t even hesitate when he knocked on the door. Hinata’s mother answered the door.
“Kageyama-Kun!” she said surprised to see him.
“I’m sorry for the late hours but I need to speak to Hinata, please.” Kageyama said shyly but surely.
“Hm, I think he’s gone to bed already! But I’ll let him know you’re here. Please, come in!”
Kageyama could hear Hinata’s mother knocking on his door and a murmur.
“Shouyou, don’t be like that!” He thought he heard her say in response to something Hinata probably told her. It hadn’t occurred to him that Hinata might not want to see him after the things he’d said.
Soon enough, Kageyama heard footsteps, which he identified as Hinata’s, walking towards him. And there he was standing in front of him. Hinata’s expression was one Kageyama thought he had never seen. But then he recognized it from the game they had lost to Seijoh. He looked hurt and like he’d been crying and Kageyama couldn’t stand it.
“Hinata…” Kageyama started before Hinata interrupted him.
“Let’s go to my bedroom. Please.” Hinata’s voice was low. Lower than Tobio ever remembered it. Kageyama obeyed the request and followed the ginger boy to his bedroom.
“Close the door.” Hinata told Kageyama once they entered the bedroom.
The shorter boy sat in his bed looking at his hands without saying a word. Kageyama stood by the door thinking of where to start but nothing would come out of his mouth. Words never came easy to him and he had never hated himself more for that. There was so much he wanted to say but nothing felt good enough to express what he wanted to put across.
He stood there looking at Hinata as he fidgeted, his hands shaking slightly, his leg moving from side to side until he got up and moved towards the window by his desk.
“Please go away, Kageyama, I don’t have time for this. Why did you come here? Are you expecting me to apologize? I won’t. Not this time.” The tone of his voice struck Tobio out of his nervousness: Kageyama followed after Hinata and hugged him from the back, putting his arms around his waist and resting his head on the smaller boy’s shoulder.
And Hinata’s heart broke. He started crying yet again, gripping Kageyama’s forearms in front of himself. He knew all too well how actions spoke louder than words in Kageyama’s world.
“I don’t want you to fight alone.” Kageyama finally said. “I want you to stay by my side and fight with me. I understand now why you want to be stronger. And you will be. And you’ll probably stop needing me then.” Kageyama let out a forced chuckle. “I-I just don’t want you to leave me behind… I don’t want to be alone again, Hinata.” his voice faltered.
Hinata was shocked to see how Kageyama was just as scared as he was. He quickly turned to face Kageyama so that he could hug him back just has tightly as he was holding him.
“What are you talking about? I’ll always need you!” Hinata cried into his shoulder. “You’re my partner. I will always need you. I want to be good enough to be worthy of your toss. I want to hit with my eyes open so that it never fails. I can see the other side of the court in slow motion, Kageyama. I could make it so much better than it already is. I could make us truly invincible.” At that thought Kageyama couldn’t help but smile.
“I know you can.” he said holding Hinata a little tighter.
“I know we’re too close to the spring tournament prelims, and I promise to work harder at everything else, but I still want you to help me spike with my eyes open. Can you do that?”
“Of course I can, dumbass.” He said moving Hinata’s head so that he could look directly at him. “ Let’s not do this ever again, okay?” he said trying to dry Hinata’s tears with his thumb.
“Okay.” Hinata agreed with a smile spread across his face.