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Fou gripped the sink's edge harder. That wasn't him in the mirror. It was someone else. Some girl. And he wasn't a girl. The bathroom was dim, he could hardly see. But he still could see the reflection. Someone else’s reflection. Fou felt tears pour down his face, how long how he been crying? He couldn’t remember. All he could do was stare and stare at the girl in the mirror.
It had to be before dawn since he couldn’t hear anything. That meant it was maybe five in the morning? He knew Julian stayed up late, but everyone could hear Julian. Fou lifted a hand up to his face and touched the center that was still stained white from that one incident. He dug his nails into the sink until his knuckles turned white. Fou stared at all the things he’d done to himself. Slowly, he began unbuttoning his fancy collar. He slipped out of the prince shirt that had contained him for the whole day. The shirt he hid in. He grabbed his crown off his head and threw it onto the floor. It landed with a thud and rolled around. Tears formed once more in Fou’s eyes, he was insane. He threw the shirt onto the floor as well. He stared into the mirror. He had really changed. His hair had almost fully recovered from the brown dye he’d abused it with. Now only the tips were brown. His face was half dyed white, he had stars and hearts under his eyes. And he had surgery.
Fou choked on his tears, maybe he was confused. He even changed his name. And the name represented him. Fou was French for crazy. He was certainly crazy. He had mutilated his body. What would his family think of him? Fou’s legs turned into water, he couldn’t keep doing this. He was lying to himself. He wasn’t a boy, he was just confused. Just confused. He collapsed to the floor, barely clinging onto the sink. He didn’t even sound like a boy. He just sounded stupid. He let go of the sink and let himself fall to the floor. Fou pushed himself against the wall, shutting his eyes and hoping for them to never open again. He let himself bathe in his dysphoric thoughts. He hugged his knees and pushed himself harder against the wall. Maybe he should just go back. Go back and cry to his parents. They were right, he was just confused. He felt like a boy. But he didn’t even know what a boy felt like. He just knew he didn’t feel like a girl.
Then, the bathroom door creaked open. It was Soleil. He might’ve been half asleep but he had heard the faint sobs from the employees only bathroom. He never usually left his little area but Fou hadn’t come after a while and, well, Soleil got worried. The door pushed against Fou’s legs. “Fou?” Soleil called, his voice at a whisper. Fou hesitated to respond, “… hi, Soleil…” he replied. Soleil stepped into the bathroom and cautiously shut the door, “W-What are you doing here? W-Why are your clothes on the floor…?” xe asked. Soleil tip-toed toward Fou and knelt down. Fou looked away from Soleil, “I… just… well…” he stammered. He couldn’t get himself to spit it out. If he did, Soleil would worry. He didn’t want that. Soleil stared at him with those big eyes, “Y-You’re shaking…” they said. Fou looked down at his hands, he was shaking. “Oh…” Fou muttered. He took a deep breath, “I… I’m just not a boy…” he whispered.
Soleil’s eyes widened even more, “W-What are you talking about?” he asked. Fou sucked in air between his teeth and prepared to explain how his body wasn’t his. That he was just confused. How he chopped up and poisoned himself, at least that was what he was told. But Soleil cut him off before he could even start, “You are the realest boy ever! I need you to know that!” he exclaimed. Fou turned his head back to Soleil. Their eyes met. Fou tried not to melt at Soleil’s gaze. Their eyes always made Fou dissolve, they were just so gorgeous. Everything about Soleil was, that’s why he hated for xem to see him like this. Soleil cupped Fou’s face, “You are a boy! I don’t know if I need to yell it at you or something… even if I hate yelling, I will yell it at you!” he said, small tears bubbling up in his eyes. Fou placed one of his hands over Soleil’s and closed his eyes. Soleil let go of Fou’s face, “Fou?” he asked. Fou opened his eyes. “Hmm?” he answered. Soleil ran his hands along Fou’s top surgery scars. “T-These are… beautiful…” he whispered, pressing his forehead against Fou’s. Fou smiled, “Thanks…” he replied.
Soleil cocked his head, “Do they look like that on purpose?” xe asked. Fou felt a little dizzy, like he might throw up, “L-Like what?” he asked. Soleil traced his fingers over the scars, “They kind of look like little crowns…” he said softly. Fou swallowed the urge to vomit, “O-Oh… that… yeah!” he chuckled. Soleil tilted his head again, “What did y-you think I was asking about?” they asked. Fou sighed, did he really want to say he was scared Soleil was judging him? That might make him seem insecure. He didn’t want to look weak in front of his boyfriend. That’d probably make Soleil want to leave him for someone else. Someone better. “Did you think I would make fun of you?” Soleil chirped. Fou sighed, Soleil could always read his mind. “Yeah…” Fou sighed. Soleil laughed softly, “Trust me… I wouldn’t… you’re probably the best thing that e-ever happened to me…” he whispered.
Fou’s heart fluttered. He was using everything to not just kiss Soleil already. The adorably dumb jester in front of him had no idea how to even ask for a soda without crying, and here they were, saving Fou from a terrible day. Fou smiled, “I love you so much, diosa damn it,” he said. He grabbed Soleil’s face and kissed him. He could feel Soleil’s face pressed up against his. It was so cold, yet so comforting. Soleil wrapped their arms around Fou. Fou’s fingers wrapped around the tiny tufts of hair that peeked out from Soleil’s jester hat. Finally, Fou pulled away from the kiss. He stared into those eyes, the eyes he loved. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Soleil’s. Soleil smiled. “I love you… never forget that… and never forget that you’re a boy…” xe whispered. Fou nodded, more tears forming in his eyes. This time, they were happy ones. Fou opened his eyes, “... would it kill the vibe if we made out right now?”